Surfing The Waves Of A Life Lived At A Higher Level

Well,

I'm,

I have a lot to communicate to you.

Um,

You know,

I'm going to be using words,

But it's energetic,

Really.

Yeah.

It was very poignant.

I,

You know,

In the old days we would.

You could get tokens at nine o'clock in the morning.

And she would,

You know,

Embrace till about three.

And then she'd come for the evening and then she didn't do Darshan till about two.

And it's,

It's much more reduced,

You know,

She's,

She's not doing nearly as much.

And it's,

It's quite dramatic so you know it's just brought home to me you know.

The,

The wonder of the glory years,

And that you know it will finish at some time.

You know she won't be here forever we're not going to be here forever.

Yeah.

And just the poignancy of that that we're here.

You know,

Like a flower or a butterfly we just live for a day or so really.

I have 90 years but it's really just a day,

I must say when I get older as I get older.

It seems increasingly like I'm a butterfly just got a day to live wasn't long enough.

Isn't long enough.

Yeah.

The thing I most wish you to,

To finish,

You know when the videos over.

What I would most hope is that you have made a shift into more self love and forgiveness I'm not talking about indulgence self indulgence,

Or kind of the phony,

Trying to be a good person you know.

No,

I mean,

A real deep inner.

You know if you can begin inner self forgiveness.

Yes,

For being human,

Because I'll tell you you know I was saying that there's been some leaps in this,

This one spiritual understanding increasingly.

I see that not only is it a dream,

But we're not doing anything.

Okay.

It's the substratum of God is doing everything.

Now on top of this is our static,

Our personalities,

Our beliefs about ourselves are conditioning our civilization.

And we have this self importance.

And we think we're doing things,

And we're not.

And it's like,

If it's like if you're scheduled to meet a lover you're going to just meet that lover.

It's,

You know,

You're just going to do it,

You know,

And the thing is you may experience some shifts before you meet the lover.

And you'll go,

Oh,

Well,

I let go.

I let go and let God and that's why I met my lover.

But actually,

No,

You are going to meet your lover,

No matter what happened in this life.

I know that just seems kind of like a fairy tale or,

Or incorrect but increasingly I'm seeing how the truth of what is going on here is so far beyond our normal understanding and that's why sages sound like crazy people.

Because they're actually just seeing the truth of things.

Yeah,

So,

You know,

The key is that it's off your shoulders.

Your journey is off your shoulders,

Your life is off your shoulders.

It's like your life is like a golden river underneath.

It's the river of God underneath,

And it's blissful underneath.

And on top of that,

We have all this illusion going on,

All this angst,

All this sound and fury.

What does Shakespeare say,

You know,

Life full of sound and fury signifying nothing.

It signifies nothing because there's this golden river of bliss underneath everything,

The substratum.

Okay,

So maybe hearing this can bring you a little more peace.

Now,

As long as your conditioned mind is alive,

You're going to feel that you're doing things.

As long as you're conditioning is alive.

Spiritual teachers will talk about how to live your life in a useful in a good way in a Dharmic way.

Dharma is soul duty.

Doing your soul duty.

Before this talk,

I had the feeling it was going to take me a while to find your hearts.

And it's not just you guys.

It's like,

It's me too.

It's for us to sink into our hearts together.

It's not like that you're doing it wrong,

And I know everything.

You know,

I can't feel your heart so it's your fault.

It's like,

No,

If I can't feel your heart that's telling me about me too.

Right.

And it always takes time.

I want to tell you one thing though about Amma's greatness.

There's a guy that I communicate with on the internet and he's self realized.

And he was in India,

And I was going to go see him but then I got so involved with Amma that I just couldn't leave her.

So,

I told him I couldn't meet him,

And I told him that I would put him in my heart and get a hug from Amma for him.

And of course he felt it.

He experienced it.

He could feel her,

Just through giving me a hug,

Because the whole thing you guys is just so loving.

And he's self realized so he has no filters left.

He just got it.

Yeah.

And it was very rewarding for me because my feeling is that she wants him to come to her.

You know,

She wants him to be in her arms.

So,

I was kind of like the,

I don't know,

Reconnaissance person or whatever.

Or the lasso person throwing the lasso.

But this fellow is very high level.

I know he's self realized.

And he's wonderful just as he is,

But everybody's better than Amma I'd say,

You know.

You know,

I even heard that she brings some of the worst people in the world to her ashram in hopes of reducing their darkness,

You know,

Because the best sages are the people who are playing in the dark,

And then when they see the light,

They alter.

They turn into the most powerful sages.

It's like,

I can never remember the guy who wrote the Vedas,

And he was a murderer.

And,

I don't know,

Krishna asked him to,

Or some wise person asked him,

You know,

Is your family.

He said,

You know,

I'm doing this for my family and then he was asked by this wise person.

Is your family ready to take on the karma for you.

And so he asked them,

And they said no.

So then he realized that he was just putting chains on himself setting up horrible lives and he totally reversed his course and he ended up writing the most powerful,

You know,

Books of the Vedas.

That's how it works,

You guys.

Right.

The other thing I want to communicate is never,

Ever give up on yourself.

You may do it temporarily.

And as soon as you can.

Don't do that to yourselves.

The things I've heard people you know they give up on themselves for what I think are like really mild things.

Like,

You know,

Their idea of being bad is so much like,

You know,

More severe than mine.

And they,

They do something and then they give up on themselves because they did one small thing.

It's like,

Oh,

Please don't do this.

Please don't do this.

I know you found your hearts,

But that's okay.

We all go together.

I'm going to ask Amma to come in energetically to help.

Okay,

Good.

I can feel then this loving energy come in and work,

Working with your backs actually working with your unconscious.

I feel the most important thing right now.

I feel is for people to get out of feeling so bad about themselves and start living their life from a higher perspective.

It's kind of a higher morality.

Allowing your mind to raise to rise to serve something at a higher level.

It's like here's an example of somebody not doing that it's like if you're working for a cigarette company.

You know,

I mean I think that's kind of probably karmic,

You know,

But they're very subtle choices that happen.

And that just comes through runs bias like the wind like a breeze,

And we suddenly get a feeling to do something,

Whether I don't know to invite a depressed colleague for lunch,

Or just something it's like a higher,

Higher expression of humanity,

Or to stand up for somebody in a meeting.

Or to speak the truth in a meeting.

Call a spade a spade.

Yeah.

It's that you guys and lots of times you know we we try to be spiritual but we're not doing that.

And it's a,

It's a basic thing to lead this world better,

A better place than when you came.

It's like I'm so full from the ashram.

And I had this incredible dance.

I did with Alma,

And I'm almost like speechless really with it.

And,

And yet,

I'm now talking to you guys and I'm feeling like I'm missing you.

And I'm feeling like I'm lecturing you a little bit but part of it is you're very passive.

And it's sort of like,

You know,

For to pass of the teachers sort of all she can do is lecture in being passive sometimes it's just hiding.

And who are you protecting.

But it's okay not to speak or have a question but I feel like I'm missing your hearts and I'm just going to end up lecturing you,

Which may be what's required.

Okay,

Well,

You know the story of the Bhagavad Gita,

And he's Archana,

A warrior prince.

And he's a member of the Pandava family and his relatives,

Or the,

Or the Kauravas.

I think that's how you pronounce them.

Now the Kauravas want all the land.

They're all relatives,

By the way,

They want all the land.

And so Krishna goes to them and says,

You know,

Won't you give the Pandavas like just five villages,

And the Kauravas say no.

And Krishna talks to Archana and says,

You know,

You're going to have to fight these people.

You know,

You can't,

You can't go along with this and Archana says,

Oh,

But there are my relatives.

And I don't want to be mean.

Be nice.

And you know what Krishna says,

Krishna says,

Look,

They're already dead.

And what he means is they're already dead to their hearts.

They're already dead to their spirits.

So it really doesn't matter if they die physically.

Really,

Krishna says this.

Now,

This is back a little bit.

Like I think it's 5000 years ago.

So it's a little bit more like,

You know,

The Old Testament.

It's a little harsh,

Like the Old Testament,

But not nearly as harsh as the Old Testament,

Really.

But,

You know,

Just Krishna saying,

You know,

They're already dead.

So,

And Krishna gives Archana a choice between,

Does he want Krishna in the chariot?

Or does he want,

I don't know,

It's like 100,

000 soldiers.

And Archana says Krishna.

And the other guys chose,

You know,

The 100,

000 soldiers.

And guess who won?

Archana with Krishna.

So this is what happens when we really get going on the journey.

You put God in your chariot and you just go forth.

And it's really a metaphor for an ego battle.

A battle with the parts of yourselves that are corrupt.

The parts of yourself that just want power,

Control and greed.

As opposed to the part of you that is God.

And it's about putting that first.

Now,

You can avoid the whole question.

But if you avoid the whole question,

Basically,

You're choosing the army.

Or you're choosing just to lie down and numb out and avoid your life.

I also want to tell you about,

You know,

The ashram.

So when I went there originally,

So it was about 15 years ago.

You know,

I wasn't allowed to do the work I do.

Like it wasn't allowed.

You had to either be a massage therapist or psychologist or something.

You could not just work with people like I do.

But I did it anyway because it's me.

Wherever I go,

I just do this.

So it turned into a big battle with people in the ashram really going after me.

Somebody got a lawyer after me.

It was really quite intense.

And yeah,

You know,

Amma just kind of witnessed it.

And she didn't kick me out.

And what happened is all those opponents fell away over time.

They just fell away.

They stopped going after me.

And what happened is this groundswell of gratitude for the work I do started.

Yeah.

Now,

It was really scary at times because I thought maybe I'd be kicked out of the ashram.

But I couldn't not do it.

Do you know what I mean?

It was like this more I could not.

It was like cutting off my arms and legs.

So just,

You know,

To be premasuddha,

I just had to do it.

So I was prepared to take what comes.

Like,

Well,

Maybe I'd be kicked out.

And this,

You know,

Incident with this young woman who I missed,

It was kind of like it all came up again.

And then it just turned into this big accelerative dance that I did with Amma to really make huge spiritual leaps.

And I just think,

You know what I think,

You know,

Bottom line,

I think I have more guts than most people.

And I think part of the reason I have more guts is because I was in far more pain than most people allow themselves to feel.

So my pain was so high that I had to go forward in this way.

I could not pretend otherwise.

I couldn't.

I just couldn't.

And I had my mother's horrible example of somebody who tried to avoid the journey and then her kids got loaded up with more emotional garbage.

And it's like,

I could not do that to my children.

You see,

The thing is,

You only become happy as you start really moving forward on your dharma.

And,

You know,

There have been lots of people who've hung around me for years and years,

And they just hung around me for comfort.

It doesn't help.

It will just make things worse in the long run.

You know,

If you spend time with somebody who's awake and you resist actually moving forward,

Your pain will just increase.

Because the universe,

You know,

We're here to awaken.

So if the universe gives you an opportunity to move forward and you resist it,

You're just setting up increased pain because the universe will turn the screws.

It turns the screws out of love for you.

Just out of love.

Because we're here to evolve.

You're not even a human being.

You're a divine being.

You're just a dream figure.

You're not even real.

So,

You know,

You're not going to win.

I hate to tell you.

You're not going to win.

Your heart's going to win.

And it will win either this life or next life or whenever you decide to,

You know,

Allow yourself to get mobilized to actually walk your talk.

And it's not to do anything like try to be perfect or anything.

It's just to be more honest,

Be more compassionate,

Be more thoughtful about your choices.

Notice how you feel.

Don't have a gone for lunch sign on you.

You know,

Where people zone up where I say,

How do you feel?

And they'll say,

I don't know.

And it's like,

We all know how we feel.

It's like,

They just don't want to know how they feel.

Yeah.

You know,

I've gotten slimmer and slimmer as I get older and the reason,

And I don't have any trouble with food anymore.

The reason is because I'm more aligned with my truth.

So,

All that stuff just gets settled.

You know,

I think I weighed like,

I don't know,

170 and sometime in my 50s.

Yeah.

And I just couldn't lose it.

You know,

Just life just.

And I always knew what I always knew that I was going to be a slim energetic old person.

Yes,

It's already happened you guys we already know the ending.

You already know the ending of your lives,

You do.

You do.

It's in there.

And,

You know,

I went through like horrible pain,

Kind of to get to this being more aligned,

But it's nice.

It's nice to be aligned.

It's nice to be,

You know,

Real,

Compassionate,

Truthful.

What's so scary about that,

You know,

I mean,

I was thinking about this thing with all the Botox and the faces and everything and I'm going,

You know,

It's so pointless and useless because we all get older.

So it's a losing battle.

It costs thousands for procedures and everything,

And you can lose the battle,

And you,

You miss the wisdom way you missed the point of your life with this focus on the body.

And our culture is like insane this way because we're this focus on the body and it stops us from listening to our bodies and listening to our hearts.

It stops us from being self conscious and,

You know,

Feeling like we're ugly or whatever,

Because we're five pounds overweight or whatever.

It's so stupid.

And anyway,

You know,

The thing is people actually they don't notice your looks as much as they notice your energy.

That's what they respond to your energy.

I was sitting,

I was waiting for the boys with the front of the video store in the old days and I watched all these really good looking guys with these kind of women who are overweight and they're all holding hands look madly in love and I thought,

Wow,

This is so interesting.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All my life I'm going like,

Ah,

You know,

I don't know.

Aging or whatever was my worry.

Yeah.

It's like if you put on your chariot or you put if you haven't met my if you put your heart in your chariot and go forward with that.

Especially women,

You know,

Alma talks about how women,

We have this heart muscle.

We get the data,

Lots of women don't want to know what they know,

So they,

They dumbed down.

You know,

We follow this we stand for the heart,

You develop your heart muscle.

You'll become more and more love powerful.

The thing is with a journey like this you know we we basically stand on the side of the shores,

Or you jump in.

Now,

Some people you know they stand in the shores for a while.

And then they jump in or some people never jump in again at all.

And,

You know,

Maybe it's just not their life to jump in.

If everything's already happened,

It's sort of like,

You know,

Maybe not the life to jump in but then you have to then experience the life of standing on the sides of the shores.

And what,

What that's like.

It's like my mom found out all about marrying somebody wealthy.

And what is it they say you know when you do that you,

You pay every minute of your life.

I think they love them,

Each other in their way but premise you to.

Yeah.

Alex.

Alex.

Oh,

Okay.

I can't see you.

Alex good.

Oh,

What's up.

Okay,

I see you now.

Okay.

I just,

I had a couple things I wanted to say.

And one,

And thank you because everything you're saying right now,

I really feel.

I'm really feeling the wisdom of it all.

And the one thing was,

I guess on a,

Like a general level when you're talking about everything being done,

And I know it's this paradox that isn't really going to make sense completely but.

Whenever I hear that I'm,

Then,

Then I,

I want to know like so where or how do we make sense of,

You know,

Our self responsibility in that,

Like,

The,

The balance of,

Of the two.

I think coming up for me right now is I'm struggling.

Just personally with wanting to forgive someone like having this sort of interpersonal struggle with a couple people and and wanting to forgive them because I'm feeling how bitter.

I feel towards them.

And yet,

I feel like my question is,

Is this specific like,

Tell me what to do,

Which is probably,

You know,

Not the right line of thinking but it's like,

I want,

I'm trying to give over this feeling of this grudge,

I'm having.

But then I'm also thinking well maybe,

Maybe I need to just speak up and say something but I'd rather just like forgive them and let it go.

But I don't know I'm feeling a little inarticulate trying to explain it but no no no that's clear I mean maybe you're maybe you're getting some of it.

Okay.

Okay,

So,

Okay so stepping out of batter good.

You're feeling better.

Okay,

So,

Okay so that that's good.

That's shadow.

Okay,

Just knowing that that shadow stuff.

Okay,

So it's good it's,

It's that you're feeling it,

Because this is how we go conscious we feel our bitterness or hatreds or whatever.

Okay,

So,

You know,

If what I did was I experimented.

It's like,

If I felt I needed to speak up,

I would speak up as compassionately as possible.

But lots of times women need to speak up more I mean this is part of the problem.

We're not,

We,

We,

We negate ourselves.

So sometimes we need to speak and state your feelings.

But if that's,

You know,

Doesn't feel like the best,

I mean you cannot legislate yourself into forgiving,

And especially because it's your head wanting to do it,

You know,

You know it's not.

We,

This is our,

Our ego telling us how to do the spiritual journey.

You know,

I would say,

Walk around in bitterness,

Until you actually either do something,

Or get so grossed out by it that you end up giving it over because you just can't stand it,

Or you write a poem about it,

Or you,

You do something creative.

You,

You cannot,

If you try to forgive,

You know,

It's like trying to don't think of a white elephant,

You know what I mean it's,

It's,

It's,

It's not really going to work you,

You know,

Maybe you could write a letter to the universe saying bring me to forgiveness about this and burn the letter.

And in six months you may,

You may be brought to that forgiveness.

Do you see what I mean,

Like you guys,

I'll tell you what I did that I think hardly any of you do,

Which is,

I gave myself room for my humanity.

So if I was bitter,

I was bitter,

I didn't think to myself,

Oh,

I should forgive that person.

I would honor the bitterness and I'd either do something creative,

Or speak to the person,

Or have a few sleepless nights of rolling around in it till I made some kind of breakthrough.

Alex do you get the difference.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think part of my difficulty right now is,

I don't feel confident that I'm even fully justified in the bitterness like I feel confused about the whole situation and,

You know.

So,

Again,

It's like I sided with my humanity so if I was bitter,

I accepted that I was bitter I didn't go.

Am I justified.

See what I mean.

It's like,

Don't do that.

It's like,

If you're on the journey this shadow materials going to come up.

It's,

You're going into your head,

This is what women do they second guess themselves.

If you're better you're better.

Okay,

Yeah,

Because I'm definitely caught in like,

Well who was right,

And who was wrong,

And if this other person was wrong then then my bitterness is justified but oh maybe they weren't wrong.

Maybe I'm seeing it.

So maybe.

Thank you.

Yeah,

Like just stay with the humanity.

Just go like okay this bitterness,

You know,

You could even say the bitterness is coming up from the shadow it's coming up to be cleared.

So,

It's clearing.

So you'll just do what you do.

Do you know what I mean you could experiment,

I experimented,

Sometimes I spoke up.

If it backfired it backfired.

I was just like a little kid with it,

You know what I mean,

Or I would write about it or like,

You cannot legislate.

Okay,

It is the patriarchy that has taught us to legislate our emotions away do you get it to make them think that they're wrong that there's something smelly about them.

It's like,

It is part of your intelligence.

Yeah,

I get that.

That's helpful.

Yeah.

Yeah,

Please.

Alex,

If you could just,

You know,

Give yourself,

Like,

Two feet by two feet,

If you would,

You know,

Draw a little box somewhere on the floor somewhere.

And,

And just go stand on it.

Stand in it and give yourself permission to be Alex,

To be fully Alex,

While you're standing in this two foot by two foot box,

And to fully feel your feelings and to fully just be honest with yourself.

Like,

You've got to build that as a foundation,

Sweetie.

Self acceptance of you know how you're feeling how you're feeling is how you're feeling.

I mean it about the box,

But also as a writer,

You can you know,

Write it but please,

You guys,

If you,

If you come to these satsangs because you want to be this way,

Understand that if I felt some way,

I did not try and legislate myself out of it.

Yeah,

You know,

Some things worked and some things didn't and I learned what didn't work and,

You know,

This is what I mean.

It's like,

You know,

Dare walk the journey.

Dare love yourself.

Who's judging you nobody else is judging you the way you're judging yourselves.

And the other thing,

Alex,

You could go you know that thing about,

Oh it's not fair.

You know,

Getting that from me opened a very deep door in you.

And so,

You know,

Again it's like asking,

You know,

Being interested in any threads that bubble up from your childhood like that.

Do you see what I mean.

You see,

We go,

Okay,

You guys,

The bad and good thing keeps you really really shallow.

Okay,

So what will be helpful is if you're like,

Where does this,

You know,

Like,

Where's this stuff coming from like,

What's the,

Is there some deeper thing going on.

But just to dig for it but just to open up to the universe to,

To,

To let stuff bubble up some any when you walk around a bitterness you know Jesus wing being with it,

You walk around it,

And maybe some insight bubbles up from your heart about something that happened when you were six years old.

Right.

It's a journey you deserve it Alex.

You know you deserve like women can be so tight and judgmental with themselves.

I mean,

I think guys can too but I just hear it in the women,

Especially around our emotions,

It's like you got to be able to have your emotions,

Without making them wrong.

So,

How are you feeling right now Alex.

Good.

Yeah,

That.

I do feel just hearing all this,

Something opening up like kind of a way.

Like,

Yeah,

Suddenly my views a little more expanded,

Like,

Oh,

Okay.

You get you guys please get you got 11 on yourself.

That is how I've got it.

However far I've got.

You got to do it.

You got to do it.

Yeah.

I often think that I am doing it.

I know,

But then.

Yeah.

So this,

This helps a lot.

I know,

It's what we're like,

You know,

Just remember you know you can do check ins like with a phone call with me right.

Yeah.

She's like,

You know,

Just to check in because,

Because in a phone call with me stuff gets exposed right because we can delude ourselves horribly.

You know,

I mean,

Me too.

I'll tell you,

I totally asked him if I was enlightened.

I don't know it's like 15 years ago,

She said no not yet.

But I was sure I was like enlightened or,

You know,

So it's like you know we're all fools.

Let's not.

Let's just,

You know,

We're goose human beings are goose.

Alex you're so sensitive I,

You know,

I can see these little pedals of a flower and it's like they're,

They're wilting a little bit under this onslaught of premises home truths.

I don't want to do that.

I think you're beautiful.

I think you're just wonderful.

Yeah,

Me too.

Yeah.

You know you can always you know if it,

If you start feeling that very strongly regular at the universe saying within two years.

I want to be really more at home in my heart and burn it.

You send them,

Send a big letter to the universe like it,

And it will happen.

Yeah.

This is it you guys you can have it.

You can have it.

You just have to really want it.

But I'll tell you,

It's a lot more fun to be real than to be too self effacing and to second guessing yourself and really.

What is it,

You know,

Publish and be damned right the reporters,

The publisher publish and be damned,

You know,

Sort of like with life you might as well.

You know,

Just take some steps and becoming more real.

Uh huh.

Yeah.

Alex What was the second question the second part of it or.

I was just wondering if you could talk a little about where or how self responsibility and will comes in,

When you're when you're talking about,

You know,

Everything's already been done or it's all.

Everything's,

You know,

The substratum.

It's all.

We're not doing it.

It's when you get a whiff of a feeling to reach out to somebody,

Or to be blunt,

Or you'll.

It's just really when you when you get fed up with the pain of not living in truth you will just live in truth more.

See,

I don't want to go up and talk from an intellectual point of view and give kind of a dogmatic answer.

Do you know what I mean it's,

It's not going to help at all.

Yeah,

No.

Yeah,

That makes sense though.

Yeah.

Yeah,

Sweetie.

I'll tell you what,

As soon as you really want to wake up Alex,

You will.

And it's okay.

But it's to get,

You know,

We get this stuff when we really want to,

Like,

You know,

A lot of people part of what I noticed with Western is that I really struggled with this would get very ungrounded.

And then it was hard to have any kind of personal power at all and I think actually Alex that's part of what you do.

And,

You know,

Being ungrounded is fear of knowing what your true thoughts and feelings are.

So we go off the ground,

And we go into static,

And we go into out for lunch because we don't want to actually get down to the truth of us.

And to actually feel how we're really feeling,

And what we really think.

You know,

The next time say you notice any of you you notice you're getting a grounded.

If you just think to yourself,

Okay.

Because I don't want to know how I really feel,

And how I really think.

And then if you admit that to yourself.

You're going to get interested,

I mean then you're in a position of,

Okay,

Do I continue with this and it's it but once I'm aware that I'm avoiding how I really think and feel,

Then I can't really keep doing that.

So you'll just start getting down to the truth of you more.

That's all being ungrounded is we get very heady.

I haven't done anything wrong Alex.

You know,

I'm just getting older because you know almost says things like well people are going to live like astronauts,

We're going to have all this protection against the environment,

Because the environment will be so toxic she didn't spell that out she just said that we were going to live like astronauts that human beings we're going to live like astronauts on the earth.

And I'm like,

Sounds like a bit of a wake up call you guys.

Okay,

And this is key,

Alex,

And all of you actually,

It's to become dispassionate.

You get dispassionate,

So you,

It,

It takes it stops the,

The endless feeling of being self conscious,

Or of judging yourself you become dispassionate you become kind of like clear thinking clear seeing,

You start seeing that it's that you're wasting time in your life,

And you don't want to waste any more time so you just get more honest.

And I remember that.

I remember when I turned 47,

And I thought to myself in 13 years I'm going to be 60.

And I thought to myself,

I'm not nearly where I want to be.

And it helped,

I got more real after that.

I,

When I was like really in that mental chaos.

I circulated in anger and hatred rage bitterness,

All of it.

And it finally brought me to love to me.

That's where I just felt all of that stuff,

And I got brought to love.

If you feel every single emotion till every drop is felt,

You're brought to love rage,

If you feel it will bring you to love,

Because we're made out of love,

We are love.

Yeah,

I just felt a wave of warmth hearing that.

Yeah,

Good.

Good this stuff isn't bad and it can't stop you from achieving enlightenment.

There's no way any of this darkness can stop you.

It's just part of the stuff that's clearing,

And then it's for learning for how to,

You know,

If actions required or not,

Or writing a poem or,

But,

You know,

Move through it,

Go like okay this is,

This is,

Don't try to legislate it away.

Because it's not because it doesn't smell nice,

You know,

You know,

Actually,

You know what the really bad news is a phony spiritual journey will lead to bitterness.

Okay,

That's what happens if somebody doesn't.

If somebody,

You know,

Doesn't do it.

Then,

You know,

When they're like 80 or whatever their life is still the same nothing happened and they get that they're bitter.

It didn't work.

So,

Please will learn how to do this.

Allow this.

It's really why I wrote the spiritual psychology book was to help people,

You know,

Acknowledge face this stuff,

Acknowledge it and face it and allow it to lift off them because this bitterness will lift as you.

You know,

It gets replaced by God basically when you move through it.

It all gets replaced by God,

You guys.

The rage the hatred the bitterness,

But,

But you can't.

You have to be sincere in the in it.

You're going to feel better sometimes you're going to feel rage sometimes you're going to feel hatred especially when your shadows clearing you know you know the whatever love power.

This one has his come because all that shadow material just got replaced by love.

Yeah.

So this has been a funny session we're up to an hour but does anybody have any questions.

I hope you guys will all be braver.

Just experiment.

You know,

Brave,

You know,

Not confronting or anything brave in the way of accepting your humanity.

You know,

Accepting you know how you feel.

You know,

You guys were were like abused children.

This is increasingly obvious to me.

Even a normally loved person.

There were actually running such a deficit.

We're like abused children.

So we're terrified of love.

And we feel really bad about ourselves.

And we lack faith in ourselves.

Yeah.

It's,

It's just so sad.

If you just get like that you're an abused child,

And that,

But that it's healable.

It's healable.

The truth of it is,

We're all like underneath the substratum we're all blissed out on a soul level.

You just,

You just have to clear your,

Your bliss sheath has to melt before you'll feel that bliss,

But it's there.

And this abused child stuff is just superimposed over the top and we tend to believe it and distrust the bliss underneath.

And think of the,

You know,

Think about abused children about how like patient that the new parents have to be.

Help a kid recover.

It takes years.

And so this takes years.

This takes years,

But I'm just getting bolder and more direct,

Because,

Because I just can't help it now.

I just,

I just,

It's just the way it's happening it's just like,

You know,

I can't help it.

I know you're so lovable.

You're so lovable and,

And you know,

I mean,

We can,

You know,

You can even have an experience where,

You know,

You're full of fear one day and then the next day you.

And then something happens.

And you,

You just suddenly hit a new level,

And you just don't even know how you did it.

Like,

The thing is,

Okay.

So,

When,

Because of this abused children thing because we,

We lost control.

We didn't have any control.

So,

So we took control.

We tried to get control of our lives,

And that's what we're in so we try to control everything.

But it's illusion because we don't control anything.

But you could just decide to love yourselves you guys,

You know,

Really,

Really.

I mean I'm just fresh from the ashram,

It's like having a big hug by Amma,

It's like,

Oh you guys were so loved.

You know,

We're just these divine beings and we've got guardian angels who just think we're awesome and I think you guys are all awesome.

I'm so grateful you turn up and listen.

And if you just give yourself a little room to be,

Even if you know you draw like a chalk box,

You can go into,

And it's where you have full permission to feel your feelings.

No matter,

Really,

You can have a chair there and when you,

When you go there,

You have full permission to feel exactly how you feel.

The truth of it,

Without pretense,

You'd probably learn a lot,

You know.

It might be your,

It'll be the next latest therapy about all the breakthroughs that people experience in their boxes.

But where you give yourself,

At least in this box,

You have permission to be yourself.

How about that?

Yeah.

I really love this.

I really love this thing about the box.

This is beautiful.

It's just exactly the right thing for me.

It's sort of the antidote to how we try to box ourselves with our,

You know,

With our,

Yeah.

Yeah,

Exactly.

And I want to thank you for all your words.

They really got into me and helped me just to,

Listening just helps to feel okay in my,

With me.

And especially this,

The metaphor you had to the chariot,

Where I put my heart or where I put my soul into the driver's seat.

I mean,

Is it called the driver's seat?

And this is helpful.

I mean,

This gets me out of my mind into a picture.

And I can feel energy coming from the picture when I think of it.

Thank you for that.

This is really,

You know,

I like pictures and beautiful.

It's like anything that expands us out of our heads and out of our endless self berating,

Right?

Like,

So we get,

We bump up,

You bump up.

And that's the key.

You start seeing more and you understand more.

Good.

Yeah.

Well,

I'm really happy about that.

Thank you for that.

Oh,

Yeah.

It's actually,

You can read it,

You know,

You can read the Gita.

It's quite readable.

And it will accelerate you to read it.

Like it,

God's in the words,

You can,

You know,

I used to read it,

Not really understand it.

And but I would keep reading it.

And then gradually I got it.

Yeah.

Yeah,

That's another thing we can do,

You know,

To grow.

So when you're in your box,

You can get the Gita.

Teasing you.

If you guys all love yourselves more after today,

Then my life is,

You know,

Not wasted.

And may you all have dreams.

OK.

Accelerative dreams.

OK.

To help with this.

OK.

I'm really making a Sancalpa that this happens.

And,

You know,

Maybe you'll remember them,

But maybe not.

But the dreams will come.

Yeah.

It can't really help not come.

OK,

If you're you're heading this way and you turn up and you guys open to me the way you are,

Then it will come.

Yeah.

And just remember Amma.

She's the best.

But think about her,

Too.

Yeah.

Put her in your chariots.

That's it.

Yeah.

Yeah,

That woman.

OK,

You guys.

Well,

I love you so much.

And I mean it about how grateful I am that you turn up and you just these sweet faces and these good hearts.

And this makes a difference.

You know,

This helps warm up the world.

Yeah.

OK.

So we'll talk in a couple of weeks.

OK.

And if you have any questions,

You can email me after,

You know,

If you've got questions about the Zoom or something.

OK.

OK.

Love you.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Thanks.