The 3 Biggest Mistakes When Trying To Break A Habit! #215

Welcome back to the Soul Infused Monday Show.

Today episode number 215 called the three biggest mistakes when trying to break a habit.

Thank you for being here.

Thank you for showing up.

Thank you for coming back to listen,

To learn,

To grow.

I see you,

I appreciate you and I am super excited that you're here today and I'm actually even more excited because today is the last day where I'm in the Dominican Republic where I lived for the last four and a half years and the last few days and weeks actually have been quite hectic because I'm moving countries.

So my new journey starts tomorrow so I'm excited that you're here one more time with me.

Let's dive in.

We are still in the beginning of the year and sometimes it's really easy for new habits that we might want to create or we might be super motivated in the beginning of the year and we are still in the beginning of the year.

Everything is still available for you and even if you're listening to this at a later point and it's in the middle of this year maybe even a different year it does not matter.

Every moment is a good moment to reset and to restart and to reconnect to what you want to create.

It is very easy for old patterns or old habits to creep in after the first wave of motivation and there also may be habits that you've tried to change in the past and it didn't quite work out.

So I want to support you today by sharing three mistakes that really keep us from being successful in creating a new habit and before I even share the first one take a moment to tune in.

Take a moment and check in what is maybe one of your habits that you would like to change.

What is something that you would like to let go and create new?

Just tune in for a moment.

What's one habit that you would love to shift this year and if you feel like sharing with me leave a comment below or if you're listening to this on a different platform please send me a message,

Write a review in whichever way you can connect with me.

I always love to engage with you.

First mistake if we can call it a mistake I want to start with number one.

It's already the approach.

I want to break down the statement or how we actually approach habit.

Even the term breaking a habit and I used it in the title because that's what people say and that's what the definition often is.

It's like I want to break a habit.

I want to break it.

It sounds like I want to destroy it.

It has judgment.

It is bad often.

It's associated with something bad that we have to break.

Now tune into that energy for a moment.

I want to break a habit.

Why is this maybe blocking you from actually clearing that habit or changing into a new habit?

So when you tune into the energy I want to break a habit.

Tune in and you can feel it is tensioned.

It's often pressure.

It's judgment.

It's a bad habit.

So the first mistake we can make basically when we want to really shift something is to approach it in a negative way with judgment and with guilt or with seeing it as something bad.

Now obviously you do think it's bad otherwise you wouldn't want to change it right and maybe it's also a habit that really doesn't serve you anymore and you would like to create a shift and you can and my tip for this first mistake as my tip is first of all use a different term.

Avoid words like breaking a bad habit.

Rather start by shifting to say I want to let go.

Let go is a totally different energy than breaking.

Can you feel that?

Do you feel the difference?

Just you can even say it internally break versus letting go.

Totally different energy.

So first tip focus on letting go and then the next step instead of focusing too much on what you want to get shifted or get rid of if you want to call it that way verbalize it in a way that you focus on creating a healthy habit or creating a habit that you would like.

Does that make sense?

Do you feel the difference?

That's one tip.

The other tip that comes with it obviously approach it with acceptance versus judgment because here's the reality.

Any so-called bad habit served you at some point.

It was beneficial not necessarily looking from it from the outside it's like I'm smoking,

Why I'm eating too much or I constantly say yes when I want to say no but that old habit served you or served the old you.

It comes also very often from a protection mechanism underneath that is completely unconscious that doesn't make any logical sense.

So when approaching the shift of a habit or creating a new habit or letting go of a habit approach it number one with acceptance of what is and what has been in the past because it served you for a reason.

For some reason you did what you did and you did the best you could.

Judging yourself is not gonna help you,

Doesn't feel good and it's no fun.

So that's the first mistake the approach itself and the judgment.

So acknowledge that you did what you did for a reason.

Approach this new habit that you want to create or the old habit that you want to let go with acceptance and also acknowledgement even maybe if you get to the point with gratitude that hey this isn't serving me anymore but it did serve me in the past.

Doesn't feel good anymore that was maybe my old mindset for my new mindset this pattern this is not serving me.

So take a deep breath just tune into this and you can use this basically for anything not only for letting go of habit.

Check in with your approach how am I approaching this from the beginning because the success of what you're gonna try has very much to do with the how you start it.

Okay good I want to give you an example of something that you might think oh it's bad so I gotta get rid of it or I gotta break it.

I'm gonna use something from my life and something that comes up from some of my clients and some habits are easier to let go than others.

It really depends on how long they've been with you how attached they are to certain other triggers or woundings or conditioning so some pattern or some habits will be easier to shift than others.

I'll give you an example with overeating now it's maybe a little bit more complex but you can substitute it with any other.

Overeating is obviously not very healthy or beneficial and creates a lot of emotional distress a lot of physical distress can create isolation loneliness shame a lot of the things that we don't like.

At times when that happens in the past we overeat for a reason maybe we cannot handle the underlying anxiety maybe we felt lonely and food was our substitution for love not the healthiest way but it benefited us on some level there was a reason why we wanted to eat so much.

I wanted to share that because it's easy to just look at it from a negative perspective from a judgmental mind and I invite you to look at your patterns and habits that you want to shift or let go with compassion and understanding and acceptance maybe even saying thank you for the path that you've been with me I'm ready to shift this I'm gonna let this go and thank you for being there your version of it and obviously whatever I share today pick what resonates with you if something doesn't resonate with you let it go.

Mistake number two.

Mistake number two when approaching or trying to let go of a habit and that's a really important one that goes a little deeper the second mistake that you want to avoid when you want to let go of a specific habit is that you don't know your triggers therefore you don't have a plan and therefore you don't have a replacement if you don't know your triggers you basically are a victim of that behavior without any control over it.

I give you a few examples and I would love to hear some of yours like if you tell me what your habits are I can maybe even use one of yours and I see one here in the comments about setting boundaries right and that's that's often a more deeper ingrained one but a very good example if you don't know your triggers you don't have much control it could be and using me as an example again with food for example I know and much more in the past that's not a big issue anymore for me it comes up once in a while and I'm okay with that but in the past I struggled severely with binge eating overeating and everything that comes with it shame guilt judgment even self-hatred depression so many things learning about the triggers could be okay maybe if this resonates with you you overeat when you feel lonely so an example of mine or when you actually feel angry but you don't feel like you can express it maybe it's when you are overly hungry and then instead of eating a small portion or one meal your blood sugar is so low that you literally just wanna overeat and often do just a few examples there are so many more and I obviously can only scratch the surface here today but not knowing the triggers is a big block because you don't know what to do in that moment and when you don't know what to do in that moment you are basically without a plan and you cannot substitute or replace that behavior with something healthier so you want to be prepared if you are this year ready to let go of one habit you want to be prepared you want to have a plan you want to know what to do when you also actually get triggered and I have another example here that I can see in the comments is prioritizing everyone else but not myself very common especially for women if you're one that is having a hard time setting boundaries or prioritizing everybody else or any other habit overeating smoking gambling exercising working busy whatever your behavior or pattern or habit is that you would like to change shift or let go here's my tip very important take some time and reflect and tune in and discover your triggers you can use for example saying this week I will pay attention and I will check when did I get triggered and I'm gonna write it down you wanna research you wanna discover you want to be curious and then you make notes oh why did I do that what happened before how did I feel inside that I did that another thing for me that I'd noticed with overeating is when I'm disappointed when I feel rejected there are many different things for me a big one is also not eating enough and getting too hungry it can be so many different things it can be something external mostly it's internal could be conflict with your partner it could be when your kids yell at you I don't know it could be anything for you so my tip is take some time maybe this week or a couple of days to research discover so that you know your triggers that you can see them so that you have a response time to do something else instead yeah and it doesn't have to be perfect to right away overnight but you want to know your triggers once you've done that and you know your triggers and you keep exploring them because they're often very multifaceted right multifaceted then you want to think about things what do I want to do instead what do I want to do instead because often we just want to use willpower and we have this idea it's like okay ah the first of the year or it's Monday or it's for whatever reason you want to change a habit and instead of having a plan and diving a little bit deeper into it you just want to try it with willpower does not work long-lasting unless it's a very simple habit that is easy to change and you only take a couple of days with willpower in general if you've tried to resolve this in the past and you've not succeeded maybe one of these three mistakes and the third one is still to come might have been in the way for you so once you know your triggers and you create a little plan you want to know how to replace it for example when you feel the urge of doing something maybe it's procrastination maybe it's eating maybe you feel the urge to say yes even though you want to say no maybe it's the urge to take care of someone else even though you know your battery is fairly empty you should take you should take care of yourself first think about things that you want to do maybe it's taking a deep breath maybe it's dancing maybe it's to drink a glass of water instead maybe it's I don't know the sky is the limit you know what works best for you but you wanna replace it with something so that you have something that you can do instead because if you don't know what to do instead you won't do anything instead take a breath and let that sink in for a moment just let that sink in if you have a habit or pattern that you do regularly and you don't have something to replace it with you will still do the same thing I hope you're taking notes and I'm really inviting you to take time this week to discover your triggers let's go into mistake number three and that's maybe the most important one by the way especially if it's a habit or a pattern for behavior that is deep ingrained that you wanted to maybe resolve in the past or still working on it and it seems like it's really not working and you tried different things the number three mistake one of the biggest mistakes that you can do in order to really let go of a habit is not to address the underlying issue now maybe you think yeah but I am addressing the underlying issue that's great and keep doing that don't look at it with judgment or pressure however there's something running this pattern and there's something underlying that needs to be addressed if you're really having a hard time letting this go so one of the biggest mistakes is really to not address the underlying issue because often you don't see it because it's unconscious it's often attached to something in the past it's often attached to an underlying anxiety that is running without even a conscious awareness I use this example sometimes when you wake up in the morning you don't wake up in the morning and you say oh you know what I'm gonna sabotage myself today and actually I want to eat healthy but by the end of the day I'm gonna have a pot of ice cream I'm gonna have a chocolate bar and I'm not gonna move so that at the end of the day I judge myself I feel bad about myself and I feel sluggish that's funny of course we don't do that early in the morning when we wake up but that's your intention and yet and whatever your behavior or habit is that by the end of the day to look back and say damn I didn't want to do it and I still did it's because something else is running the program working and addressing the underlying issues is one of the most important things for the biggest tip I can give you when you want to let go of a habit I'm gonna pause you for a moment and check comments let me know what's resonating with you what's your biggest aha moment so far what is landing that you can relate to and I will give you a few more bonus tips so that you can let go of an behavior pattern that doesn't serve you anymore and you can create healthier patterns or habits let's call them habits because that's something that we consciously work on patterns we got to do a little bit more deeper work so share with me and I'm gonna take a sip of water while you do that Lin is saying her biggest takeaway is habits are connected to underlying issues yes yes yes yes yes great takeaway Emily saying it's landing I don't have an alternate plan yeah great you can create one is that not wonderful you have a plan now you have a plan to create an alternate plan I love that Jessica saying becoming aware of my triggers is such great advice and something I plan to work on great great don't plan on working on it work on it that's fantastic that's such a good takeaway just call like knowing your triggers that was a huge aha moment for me in the past when I realized I was just reacting I wasn't in control I wasn't I didn't have the awareness awareness is really key so knowing your triggers will make a huge difference in this process and Kathy is sharing I'd like to stay on top of clutter and housework but willpower isn't working no willpower willpower generally doesn't work very well maybe for a short amount of time the willpower is not a very strong resource it's not only you and there's so much judgment around it I want you to know that if you've tried something in the past and you thought what's wrong with me I cannot do it I have no willpower yeah because that's not how it works because if it would work let's be real if it would be so easy and willpower would be the only thing we need would you not have changed is already would you not actually just have done it by right now by now already take a breath you're not alone there's nothing wrong with you willpower alone generally doesn't work knowing your triggers is step one yeah absolutely love this oh thank you that's great takeaway and here another one yeah becoming aware of the triggers discover your triggers okay I feel like that was and I really do believe that's one of so simple and so underestimated on not even thought of right good let me recap and give you a few bonus tips and then let's go out and create healthier habits does that sound good number one mistake is the approach approach it with acceptance approaches by focusing on letting go versus breaking something approach it with acknowledgement of how it served you in the past and focus on the creation of the new in order to let go you want to create also space for the new so that's the first mistake and the first tip the second mistake and the tip is to not only do it with willpower but you want to know your triggers number two you want to know your triggers discover your triggers create a plan and know what you are going to do instead I give you a great example from food if that resonates with you but you can apply this to anything let's say food is an area that you want to improve you want to eat healthier meaning maybe you want to eat less sugar and more vegetables once you know your triggers and you know hey when I'm hungry or when I'm bored or what I feel bad about myself or when I'm resentful whatever your triggers are then I'm gonna grab the unhealthy food number one don't have unhealthy food in your house if you want to have a healthier diet I have nothing in my house that if I ever get triggered it was more relevant in the past but I still I mean I also want to eat healthy don't have any bad stuff in my house but that's just an example don't have it at home that's already number one however you want to have something instead that's still juicy that's still yummy that still is gonna give you a satisfaction and you want to have it easily accessible that could be all always have some apples pears your favorite fruit or some nuts or if it's sweet like a dark chocolate something that is healthier at least you don't have to go from zero to a hundred one healthier step in between but you want to have it accessible you want to know oh my god I want to grab those chips I so badly want to grab those tips okay but I don't have them at home because that's what I did and I know I have this wonderful chia pudding in my fridge or whatever it is I'm just giving you some inspiration here okay you do whatever works best for you but know your triggers have a plan have a substitution or replacement to go to and third and most important address the underlying issue get help work on it that's a huge piece that I do with my clients if you have a coach work with your coach a therapist your healer your support group if you want to help with that with me this year reach out send me a message this is what I do for my clients I'd be helping to help you too but address the underlying issues get help get support and pluck it out from the roots and not just cut the superficial branches that's a good analogy actually that's just coming it's as if you want to remove a weed from your garden you have this beautiful garden as a metaphor obviously you are this beautiful garden your health your life and there is this weed that keeps growing growing growing and you keep cutting it and you keep not wanting it and you try different things but you never dig deep enough oh I feel someone got just a real aha moment I can feel it energetically but you don't dig deep enough to really grab it from the roots and to get it out so it does not grow anymore take a breath take that with you hmm and I invite you to take another breath to become present to let that sink in and to take a moment to integrate to process and I also invite you if you have not shared with me yet what is your biggest takeaway from today what is your biggest takeaway and share with me I always love to hear from you if you're listening to this on inside timer or Spotify leave me a review I would so appreciate it and I will take a moment to go a last time over your comments and then I will let you go and be inspired to create and then you're saying oh me what might look like a flower in the past might be a weed that's such a good one yes who this is so good Emily thank you for sharing yes yes you might think it's a flower but it's actually a weed yeah discovered dig deeper and like that wonderful okay thank you so much for being here today I'm super excited for you to come back next Monday I'm gonna be in Colombia if all goes well I don't know exactly where I have no idea where I'm going to greet you it's an adventure but I am going to be in Colombia next Monday please join me again for a new episode from a new chapter in my life from a new adventure of solely infused Monday together you and me thank you for being here I appreciate your time I appreciate your commitment I appreciate that you're showing up no matter what and that you keep expanding growing and blossoming because you are beautiful you are valuable you're lovable and that's how you are deserving of feeling every single day much love