You Don't Suffer Over Reality; You Suffer Your Imagination

I've been really fascinated with watching myself create reality without realizing I'm creating reality and then getting my mind blown.

What I mean by that is there's what is and then there's what I turn it into with my imagination and I can never suffer or be emotionally disturbed by what is.

I can only be disturbed by my imagination and as many times as I've said that exact same thing I'm still blown away by it.

I'm still blown away by the unavoidable truth that there's nothing in reality that can disturb me and then even when it looks like somebody else is disturbing me I pay attention.

I'm disturbing myself by what I think it means,

By what I think is happening and to see that thrusts me into a stillness where all I can really do is just bow at this whole miracle that we're swimming in like oh my gosh what do I even think I'm doing?

What do I think I'm going?

What do I think is even happening?

The mind asks the question when does this end?

When does it end when I stop making up shit and forgetting that I'm making up shit?

Does that ever end?

And then I have to ask myself well what do I think that is?

What do I think that means?

Do you see like the only problem with it is that I would judge myself about it somehow?

Like if I just let it be what it is then it's fine.

It's like the reality of being human,

The reality of it can't disturb me.

It's just what I think about it that disturbs me just like everything else and again it thrusts me into a stillness where I just have to let the whole thing just be the whole thing.

Here's something that I want to ask you and this might be self-evident and obviously true.

I don't know but I want to ask you.

Is it as obvious to you as it seems to me that the thing that gets in the way is this something we call ego?

Meaning who I think I am wanting to be important,

Wanting to be validated,

Wanting to protect its own image of itself and how it wants other people to see it.

And that determination has a profound capacity to make a mess.

It's that obvious.

Every time I investigate like what's really going on here?

What's the problem?

I always see this ego.

Every time.

I can't escape it and I see that there's no way out.

There's no way out for that character.

The only option is surrender.

Surrender and to embrace a beautiful humility that can admit that in some capacity I don't really know and God is in charge.