The Heroine's Journey Part 8: The Approach

So once again,

Welcome.

My name is Marcella Friel.

I am the founder of the Women Food and Forgiveness Academy,

Which is a 12-month online program to deep dive into this path of the heroine's journey to help you heal the spiritual roots of yo-yo dieting,

Binge eating,

Sugar addiction,

And body shaming.

And I'm also the author of this beautiful book,

Tap Taste Heal,

Using emotional freedom techniques to eat joyfully and love your body.

One of my academy students just went on a three-day solitary retreat away from her husband and her children,

And she sent me a picture of herself sitting in bed reading this book.

And Marcella,

I love it.

It was very fun.

It was so gratifying together.

It was so sweet.

So why are we talking about the heroine's journey when in the conventional world,

If we're talking about struggles with food,

We typically talk about going on a diet or getting an app or joining the gym.

What I have come to discover in my work is that the food is the top of the tip of the iceberg,

The top of the pyramid,

So to speak.

And that what is underneath that,

The iceberg itself,

Is this whole question of forgiveness.

How do we live forgiveness as a way of life?

And when I work with women around this subject of forgiveness,

Invariably what I find,

Often what I find,

Is that it's very easy,

It can be easy to forgive other people.

So like we look at our parents,

You know,

And we say,

Well,

Gee,

Okay,

It wasn't great what they did,

But they did the best they could.

So we,

You know,

We have some sense of generosity in cutting them slack.

However,

When it comes to forgiving ourselves,

It is the hardest thing to do.

Now,

Tell me if I'm speaking your language here,

Just give me a thumbs up.

Does this resonate with you?

So we often look back at our lives,

Maybe we feel regret,

We beat ourselves up,

We think we could have,

Should have done it better,

And it's through that kind of holding on to our stories and holding on to this sense of self-punishment that we reach for the food and we reach for the chips and we reach for,

Yeah,

Okay,

Noah is saying yes on a daily basis.

Oh,

Honey,

I'm so glad you're here,

Noah.

So today we are in step eight of the heroine's journey,

And this is where the rubber meets the road.

This is where we're going to start to go deeper.

We're going down into the boiler room,

We're going into the belly of the beast.

And what I mean here is that today we are going to do not just talk,

But do a process that I want to guide you through on identifying and healing core beliefs.

Because,

Again,

From my more than 10 years of working with thousands of women,

What I find in the healing process is that it's not so much the traumas themselves that really limit us and cause us harm,

It's more the stories that we tell ourselves about those experiences and the meaning that we make from those experiences.

So what those experiences tell us or what we decide is true about ourselves,

About other people,

And about the world.

So this is what we're going to uncover today.

So I want to encourage you,

If you are here,

Maybe you're lying in bed and you're listening to me on your earbuds,

You're just holding your phone,

I want to invite you to grab a journal if you can,

Because I want to give you some questions that I'm hoping to give you so that you can have them and you can do this work on your own.

Quick retrospective of the heroine's journey,

We've taken stock of our lives in the ordinary world,

Stage one.

Stage two,

We heard the call to adventure.

There's something that needs to change.

Something needs to give.

I can't keep eating these trigger foods.

I have to lose this weight.

The call to adventure.

Something must change.

Immediately upon hearing the call,

We refuse the call.

Those are stages two and three.

The call to adventure,

The refusal of the call.

Then right at that point when we're in this conundrum of trying to figure this all out,

This is where the mentor appears.

We get help,

Somebody who's wiser than us,

Somebody who has more experience and has walked the road that we hope to walk and can guide us with resources and tools and so on.

Then the next stage of the must make the decision.

We must make the decision to heal.

This is called crossing the threshold.

This is where we enter into the adventure.

Once we enter into the adventure,

Our allies show up.

You can think of your allies as all the women sitting in this circle with you.

We support each other.

We walk alongside each other.

We need the strength of our allies to face the next phase of the heroine's journey,

Which is tests and temptations.

Now here we are.

By this time in the heroine's journey,

We have gained a measure of strength.

We have committed to our journey.

We're going forward.

We're not going back.

But then there invariably comes the point where we have to confront in order to really cross over,

To cross the river into the other shore of healing.

We have to confront our fears,

Our doubts,

And this is a deeper level of resisting the call to adventure.

In the call to adventure in stage three,

It's like,

Oh no,

I can't do that.

Are you kidding?

I don't have the money to do that.

I don't have the time.

Nobody's going to support me.

Stage three is like the excuses that we make,

The reasons why we can't heal.

Now we're digging deeper.

We're going underneath all of that and we're looking at how we really see ourselves and what we believe we are actually capable of.

So the process that is required of us at this stage of the healing journey is the process of unmasking ourselves and letting go of everything that stands in the way of the fulfillment that we seek.

Okay,

I see a bunch of hearts floating up there.

So let me give you a couple of questions here.

And this is a process of dismantling the core beliefs that we form in response to traumatic situations in our lives.

And we also form our beliefs in response to positive situations as well.

But we don't need to go back and redo the positive beliefs because they're already integrated into us.

It's only this piece that is kind of hanging out waiting to be integrated that we need to go back and redeem.

So let me give you step number one or question number one,

And I want to invite you to respond in the comments.

Or you can also write in your journal or both.

What is the challenge that you are facing right now?

What is the healing that you are seeking to realize in your life?

What has been your call to adventure?

What has been the essence of your heroin journey?

Yeah,

I'll give you a minute to just write about that.

And you can post in the comments if you like.

Here's question number two.

And we're going to use all these questions,

By the way,

To do some tapping.

So again,

I want to encourage you,

Like,

Write it down,

Put it in the comments here.

How do you feel when you reflect on this situation?

Specifically,

What are the negative emotions?

Fear,

Shame,

Sadness,

Anger,

Frustration,

Doubt.

Okay,

Becky is saying,

My current challenge is on again,

Off again,

Eating behaviors.

So Becky,

Are you talking about,

You know,

You binge,

Let's say,

Or you go off and then you resolve and say,

Okay,

I'm going to get back on the wagon and then you fall back off.

Okay.

So like an inconsistency.

Okay.

Inconsistency.

Okay.

So when you reflect on that,

What are the feelings that come up?

And then while you are identifying those feelings,

How strong are those feelings on a scale of one to 10 with 10 being the strongest?

Okay.

So guilt.

Okay.

Guilt.

Good.

Okay.

Good.

Perfect.

I mean,

Not good that you're feeling guilty,

But good,

You could identify it.

And then how strong is that on a scale of one to 10?

Debbie is saying it kind of feels stupid to write this,

Like it is meant to be bigger,

But my challenge is menopause weight,

Five kilos,

10 pounds.

I get that it feels stupid to you,

Debbie.

However,

You never know what those five kilos or 10 pounds are actually holding emotionally,

Metabolically.

It might seem silly to you,

But it's not silly at all.

And the reason why I say that one is because I've worked with a million women around menopausal weight gain,

But also the reason why it's not silly is because it's your call to adventure.

It's calling you.

The woman sitting next to you could have gained 10 pounds during menopause,

And like,

She's not even thinking about it.

Do you see?

It doesn't bother her at all.

But for you,

Just by virtue of the fact that you're feeling stupid or guilty,

Do you see?

There's some emotional energy that you're attaching to the situation.

This is exactly what I was just saying a moment ago.

We make meaning out of our experience,

And it's the meaning that we make that shapes our perception of what's possible for us.

You know,

How possible is it for me to lose this weight?

How much do I deserve to be happy,

Et cetera,

Et cetera?

We're going to get into that down the line of questioning here,

So just hold that.

Okay,

Lynn,

I've lost almost all the weight.

The eating addiction has been replaced by another behavior.

There you go.

Anxiety is almost 10.

Oh,

Lynn.

So this is interesting to juxtapose what Lynn,

What you've posted,

And then what Debbie has posted.

So Lynn has lost the weight,

But the addiction has been replaced by another behavior,

The eating addiction.

We've talked about that a few times here,

How addictions can migrate.

You stop eating,

And you start drinking.

You stop drinking,

And you start smoking.

You stop smoking,

And you are scrolling on the internet all the time,

And then you stop doing that,

And then you're constantly codependent and trying to control everybody.

Addictions migrate.

So yeah,

That's very,

Very common.

Noah is feeling frustration.

Noah,

If you want to say anything about the actual struggle itself,

And also how strong is that frustration on a scale of 1 to 10?

Now,

Next question.

What are the stories that you are telling yourself about this situation?

And I want to invite you here when you are investigating the stories that you are telling yourself to go back to your child's mind.

What is the child inside of you saying about this situation?

That child could be saying things like,

It's all my fault.

It could be saying things like,

I'm not good enough.

This is never going to get any better.

Nobody cares.

That feels stupid.

I feel stupid.

What are the stories that you're telling yourself about this situation?

Kim.

Hi,

Kim.

Welcome.

I think you're here for the first time.

I have a hard time trusting a world in which I am beautiful and powerful in my body.

Unsafe.

Oh,

Oh,

I feel that one.

That's like an arrow going into my heart.

And I understand.

I identify.

In fact,

I heard someone recently refer to that as the witch wound.

Maybe you've heard that term before.

That probably is a whole separate live event that we could do.

Totally.

Okay.

Kim really identifies with that.

Yeah.

Okay.

So unsafe.

How unsafe does it feel on a scale of one to 10 with 10 being the strongest?

Kim,

If you want to say anything about what you hear,

What you understand,

Like how your witch wound is showing up,

Please feel free.

Debbie is saying,

I will always be like this.

That's right.

Okay.

I'm not saying that's right.

That you'll always be like this,

But oftentimes our core beliefs will show up phrased as always or never.

I will always be like this.

I will never heal.

All right.

Now I want everybody,

I want to invite you all to just take a breath.

Okay.

And perhaps with your hands on your heart here,

I want to invite you now for the final question before we begin tapping.

And that is,

What is the worst thing that you can imagine happening in this situation?

What is the worst thing that you can imagine happening?

And again,

This,

The worst thing that you can imagine happening is an extension of what you believe to be possible,

What you believe to be true.

Becky is saying the same as Debbie.

I will always be like this.

Okay.

So what's the worst possible outcome?

And you could even phrase it as,

I will always,

Or I will never.

Now I'm not inviting you to conjure this worst outcome so that it can come to pass,

But rather I am seeking to draw forth what is already within you.

So consider this,

That this is a kind of detoxification process.

We're detoxifying our beliefs.

Marjorie.

Hi Marjorie.

Welcome back.

The worst thing would be to become obese.

Debbie,

I will go to my grave with the same unsatisfaction.

Noah,

I will always be a failure.

Becky,

I will die from a heart attack from eating crappy food.

Okay.

Let's do some tapping right here,

Right here.

Stay with me.

I know we're in like the descent of the descent here.

We're in the dip.

I am going to take you through to the other side by the top of the hour,

I hope.

Okay.

So let's do some tapping.

So if you are not familiar with EFT tapping,

Just say as I say,

Do as I do.

And I'm going to,

In this tapping,

What I'm going to do is give you the beginning of the phrase and then complete it with precisely what you just,

You know,

What you just posted in the comments.

Okay.

So tapping the two outsides of the hands together,

What we call the karate chop points,

Just bumping them together.

Just repeat after me.

Even though I am facing this daunting task of healing,

Go ahead and say that.

And it feels really,

Really hard.

And it feels scary and hopeless.

Will I ever be able to heal?

Good.

Let's take a nice breath in and the out breath.

I don't know.

I don't know.

But no matter the outcome of this situation,

I choose to love myself as best I can today.

Good.

Let's go up to the top of the head,

Tapping around the points.

This daunting task of healing,

And go ahead and just say to yourself what it is.

Good.

Okay.

Now let's tap inside the eyebrow,

Right where the eyebrow meets the bridge of the nose.

This healing challenge that I have been facing,

And then go ahead and say what it is.

Okay.

Side of the eye,

Tapping right on the temple of the eye.

And the whole story that I tell myself about it,

And go ahead and say what that is,

The story.

Under the eye,

And this makes me feel,

And go ahead and say what it is.

Under the nose,

This deep,

Deep struggle.

Go ahead and say what it is.

Under the mouth.

Okay.

So if this is true,

And if not,

Just change your words.

Tapping under the mouth.

I have been struggling with this for so long.

Mm-hmm.

Good.

Collarbone.

Now you can just repeat after me.

You don't have to like say the things over and over again.

Just repeat after me.

Will this ever change?

Mm-hmm.

Under the arm.

Will this ever get any better?

Top of the head.

Will I ever make any progress?

Okay.

Inside the eyebrow.

It feels like I've been in this dark dungeon or prison forever.

Good.

Side of the eye.

Feeling stuck.

Hopeless.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Under the eye.

Scared and despairing.

Under the nose.

Telling myself these horrible stories.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Under the mouth.

Imagining the worst possible outcome.

Good.

Okay.

Let's go to the collarbone.

Mm-hmm.

Let's take a nice breath here.

Okay.

This whole situation,

And go ahead and say what it is right there.

Mm-hmm.

Under the arm.

And everything I have made it mean about me.

Good.

Back up to the top of the head.

Everything I've made it mean about what is possible in my life.

Good.

Inside the eyebrow.

All the ways I have used this situation and this story to limit me.

Great.

Good.

Let's go to the side of the eye.

What if that's all it is?

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Let's say that again.

Side of the eye.

What if that's all it is?

Good.

Okay.

I see hearts bubbling up over here.

That must be on the trail here.

Under the eye.

What if this is just a story?

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Under the nose.

A really bad nightmare that I've created for myself.

Great.

Under the mouth.

And what if I could just wake up from this dream?

Yeah.

Carbone.

What if none of this is true?

Good.

Under the arm.

What if this is all just an old sad story?

Great.

Top of the head.

What if I could actually heal this?

Great.

Inside the eyebrow.

What if I could find the satisfaction that I seek?

Okay.

Side of the eye.

What if I could feel proud of myself instead of ashamed?

Mm-hmm.

Under the eye.

What if I could feel confident instead of unsafe?

Good.

Under the nose.

What if I could feel successful instead of frustrated?

Yeah.

Good.

Under the mouth.

Is it even possible?

Good.

Collarbone.

Let's take a nice inhale here.

Don't know.

Just say it on the out-breath.

Don't know.

Uh-huh.

Good.

Under the arm.

But I am willing to explore and find out.

Great.

Okay.

Let's end it there.

Shake it out.

Let's take a drink of water,

Whatever you have.

Just move your body a little bit.

Mm-hmm.

How are you feeling now?

How does that story look to you now?

So please give me a number.

Again,

Like,

You know,

Kim,

You were a seven or an eight,

And I think Lin had an almost 10 anxiety.

Mm-hmm.

Three.

Colette.

Hey,

Colette.

Big drop.

Big drop.

One.

Becky.

Yay.

Good.

Okay.

Now we're going to get to the fun part.

I'm going to jump right into this.

So we just told ourselves the worst thing that could possibly happen.

Hey,

Melvin.

Welcome.

And you're a one right on.

Lin is a three.

Bravo.

Good work,

Women.

Okay.

Now that we've gone through,

Like,

The worst thing that can happen,

I want to invite you to take a big stretch,

Maybe roll your eyes up toward the ceiling,

Look around your room for a second.

Now I want to invite you to ask yourself,

What is the best outcome that could happen?

Becky got goosebumps all over when she asked herself,

What if I could actually heal this?

Beautiful.

Yep.

Let that question just open a whole horizon for you.

What if I actually could heal this?

I was talking with one of my academy women,

And she was telling me she got this diagnosis of incurable,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah.

And I said to her,

Do you know what incurable means?

It actually means curable from within.

Don't listen to the naysayers.

Don't listen to the enemies in your own brain.

They're not telling the truth.

So what's the best possible outcome of this situation?

So one way that you can find the best possible outcome is to take the worst outcome and turn it inside out.

I've lost 30 pounds and my health is better than ever.

Wonderful.

And you know what,

Becky,

What I really love about that statement is like you've framed it as it's already accomplished.

I've lost the 30 pounds and my health is better than ever.

Great.

What about,

I will go to my grave with the same dissatisfaction,

Lose 10 pounds.

Okay.

So Debbie,

Let me,

Let me help you here for a moment.

Instead of I will go to my grave with the same unsatisfaction.

Let's turn that around and say,

I live the rest of my life between now and the time that I go to the grave,

Feeling completely fulfilled and satisfied.

So I wanted to invite you to take your worst case statement,

Turn it inside out.

There you go.

I will feel good about the way I handled that situation,

Forgiving myself for my mistakes.

Noah,

See,

Yeah,

Noah,

This is what like forgiving ourselves,

Right?

It's the hardest thing.

I'll bet whoever else was involved in that situation,

You know,

Maybe you've already forgiven them or like you've kind of let them off the hook in some way,

But forgiving ourselves,

That's the hardest thing.

This is the core of the core of women,

Food,

And forgiveness.

Whatever your best case scenario is,

The next thing I want to invite you to do is to craft an affirmation of the best case scenario.

So Noah,

For example,

I am handling this situation in a confident,

Relaxed,

Easy way for the highest good of myself and everyone else involved.

Okay.

I am handling this situation in a confident way,

In a relaxed way,

In an easy way for the highest good of everybody involved.

Oh,

I'll give you,

I'll share one with you guys that's on my desk right here at this little piece of paper I keep on my desk.

I cast my burdens into the arms of limitless love and invite a perfect solution to this problem to appear under grace in perfect ways.

Okay.

That comes from the language of a 20th century mystic named Florence Scovel Shin.

Okay.

Here's Debbie.

I live now to the rest of my life as best I can.

I love myself and my body just as it is and make good choices.

How does it feel to you to write that Debbie?

How does it feel Noah?

And how does it feel Becky?

Honest.

Okay.

Love that.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

So let's do one more round of tapping.

Here we go.

And I'm actually going to work my little statement in the one that I just read to you.

So we'll just use that.

Okay.

Let's start the second round of tapping.

Here we go.

Sides of the hands,

Bumping the sides of the hands together.

I love it.

The hearts are just flooding up.

They're flooding up.

Ah,

Brum brum brum brum.

They look like balloons.

So sweet.

Even though some part of me is still struggling with this situation and go ahead and say what that original situation is or has been.

Mm hmm.

And you know,

I'll probably continue to struggle with it to some degree.

Good.

So what we're doing here is we're just kind of like dialing it down a little bit.

We're just diminishing it.

However,

I do not have to be defined or condemned by this situation.

I can change the way I think about it.

And I can set myself free.

Good.

Yay.

Let's go up to the top of the head,

Tapping around the points.

This whole struggle,

This whole situation,

Go ahead and say what it is,

What you originally wrote.

Good.

Inside the eyebrow and all the negative emotions that I have felt about it and go ahead and just say what those have been.

Okay.

Side of the eye.

I have been struggling with this for a long time.

Under the eye.

And I will probably continue to struggle with it to some degree.

Okay.

Good.

Under the nose.

But I don't have to shackle myself to my story.

Okay.

Under the mouth.

I have the power to choose a different story.

Good.

Just tapping on the collarbone.

And what I choose to tell myself today is,

And go ahead and just say your affirmation.

Mm-hmm.

Good.

Under the arm.

And even if some part of me doesn't quite believe it yet.

Okay.

Top of the head.

I can make room for this truth to grow in my being.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Good.

Inside the eyebrow.

Telling myself that and then go ahead and just say your affirmation.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Good.

Side of the eye.

Making way for the possibility.

Under the eye.

That the best possible outcome of this situation can and will come to pass.

Good.

Okay.

Now I'm going to shift to this prayer here.

Okay.

Under the nose.

So when my doubts and fears arise again,

As they inevitably will.

Under the mouth.

I don't have to indulge in them or entertain them.

Good.

Collarbone.

Instead,

I can choose to cast my burdens into the arms of limitless love.

Into the arm.

Allow myself to be held by limitless love.

Back up to the top of the head.

And allow the best possible outcome of this situation to appear.

Inside the eyebrow.

Under grace in perfect ways.

Yes.

Good.

Side of the eye.

I don't have to figure out how.

Right?

Good.

Under the eye.

How is the job of the universe?

Under the nose.

My job is just to say yes.

Great.

Under the mouth.

Yes to the healing.

Collarbone.

Yes to the best possible outcome.

Mm-hmm.

Good.

Under the arm.

Yes to the highest benefit of myself and everyone else who might be involved.

Good.

Okay.

Let's go ahead and stretch.

Move.

Drink some water.

All right,

Ladies.

I promised you I would take you to the other side.

How are you doing?

We've got about five minutes here.

How are you feeling now?

How does that original story look to you now?

Empowered.

Debbie's saying empowered for sure.

Yay.

Colette,

Much more like a fiction story.

Yes.

Becky,

Feeling much better.

Thank you.

Oh,

You're so welcome.

Such a pleasure.

I'm feeling free.

Lynn,

That's a miracle because your anxiety was at a 10 when we started and now you're feeling free.

Beautiful.

One last thing I want to ask you.

What is one action that you can take today toward realizing this best possible outcome?

Kim is saying the story is more distant.

Yeah,

That's it.

That's good.

That's when you know you're actually healing the trauma and resolving it.

It doesn't disappear,

But it just becomes like this little beverage mug that I'm holding.

It doesn't have any emotional charge to it.

You get an emotional distance from it.

I like to call tapping positive brainwashing.

Sometimes I say that if I'm at a party,

People will say,

Well,

What do you do for a living?

I'll say,

Well,

I actually brainwash people.

I'm a brainwasher in a good way.

We're laundering out the negative beliefs.

We're washing them out just like we're washing a cashmere sweater,

Right?

Yeah.

Becky,

Still working on my affirmation.

I know I wanted to include one day at a time.

That was a game changer with my alcohol addiction.

Okay.

Let me give you a little quick primer on how to craft an affirmation.

Think about how you want to feel and the result you want to have happen and then frame that all in present tense.

So Bob Proctor,

I don't know if you guys know him.

He's kind of like a,

He was a big motivational guru.

He's one of my favorites.

He says,

I am so happy and grateful now.

That's always a great way to start an affirmation,

Right?

I am so happy and grateful now that money comes to me in increasing quantities through multiple sources on a continuous basis.

So let me do a donation affirmation.

I am so happy and grateful now that donations are pouring in with increasing quantity on a continuous basis.

I'm so happy for all your donations,

Your expressions of your gratitude for this wonderful work we did today.

Mm hmm.

Good.

Noah,

The story is in the background for now,

Learning how to let it stay there more.

I hope you wrote down these questions that I gave you.

I hope you took notes on this process because you can do this with yourself when you start to feel like the clutches of the belief are coming back and you're starting to go under.

So for me,

When I feel this way,

My process is,

As we say in the 12 step world,

God,

Ourselves,

And another human being.

So the first thing I do is prayer.

You know,

I petition the divine,

Please help me transform my confusion into wisdom.

Please help me transform my doubt into faith or my fear into faith,

Whatever it happens to be.

So first,

First is prayer.

Then I will sit down with myself and do this journaling process.

Exactly what I just guided you through.

Do the tapping.

Then the third part is pick up the phone and call somebody and share the experience because the sharing of it helps to seal it in your neural network.

And this is why healing and community is really wonderful.

I mean,

There's a lot to be said for one-on-one healing as well,

But you know,

When we can allow our process to be witnessed by our allies in the tribe,

You know,

We rise a lot faster.

All right.

So I'm going to leave you on that note.

And I want to invite you once again to follow me here on Insight Timer.

I am posting these recordings,

As I said,

As free tracks.

So you can go back and visit them and make a playlist out of them and do this as your own practice.

Thank you for a beautiful session,

Marcella.

Oh,

Shachi,

You're so welcome.

Cheerio.

Bye for now.