On Letting Go Of Love

Hello and welcome to the session.

I invite you to take a seat or lay down and get yourself comfortable.

You can close down the eyes if you wish and take a deep slow breath in through the nose and out through the mouth.

Just gently begin to open your mind to today's quote.

To contemplate the words with a free and open and supple mind.

To welcome in possibility and expansion and growth and to allow yourself for the next few minutes to just sit and be with whatever arises.

In a moment I'm going to share with you a quote to contemplate and then we'll sit in silence for a minute and just let it percolate.

Then we'll talk about that quote and just see where the discussion leads us.

Today's quote comes from Kahlil Gibran,

A Lebanese-American writer and poet.

And it goes,

If you love somebody,

Let them go.

For if they return,

They were always yours.

If they don't,

They never were.

If you love somebody,

Let them go.

For if they return,

They were always yours.

If they don't,

They never were.

So this quote speaks to attachment,

To the idea of loss and connection and love,

Romance,

Friendship.

Romance,

Friendship,

But done from a place of pure acceptance.

Because the reality of life is that you may have feelings for people that don't quite share those same feelings back.

And indeed,

I would argue that that deep resonance connection,

Those feelings that come together,

That arise beautifully,

Simultaneously,

Connectedly,

Don't last.

They are moments of joy and bliss and resonance.

But the reality of life is that things wax and wane,

Things grow and retreat.

This is natural.

And although the poets and the authors and the movie makers and storytellers will speak of this undying,

Deep connection,

This love that is pure,

That is eternal,

That is just everything.

You know,

The one true love sort of trope.

The reality is that you will meet thousands of people in your life and you will connect them all to different levels.

You'll feel deep resonance with some people at some times.

And maybe they stay in your life and maybe they move on.

And you will feel less resonance with other people.

So this quote encourages us to acknowledge our feelings,

But to allow the other person to be sitting in their truth.

Because forced love becomes obligation,

Becomes duty,

Becomes a puppet show where people are pretending to embody this deeper truth that doesn't necessarily exist.

And that really isn't love.

But what if,

What if you are able to let go?

What if you are able to let the person be free?

Because then they are their true,

Deep selves.

How many relationships have you heard where people complain about the other person changing?

Whilst being okay with they themselves changing over the course of the relationship.

It's like,

I wanted you to stay the same whilst I evolve.

I fell in love with this version of you,

At this time,

At this place.

But 20 years later,

That person no longer exists and indeed can't exist.

And were that person to exist in that same way,

It wouldn't necessarily be healthy or right or wise.

Surely it is better to let someone,

And indeed wouldn't it be better still to allow that person to freely choose if they want to be with you,

To have feelings for you however they are expressed.

Because love,

And indeed all love,

Is a gift from God.

And it's a gift from God to allow that person to be free.

However they are expressed.

Because love,

And indeed all feelings,

Are just a different energy vibration,

A different expression.

And this isn't woo-woo,

This isn't spirituality even.

You can feel it,

Feel it inside yourself when you feel love,

When you feel friendship,

When you feel joy,

Compassion.

Feel inside yourself when you feel the negative emotions of jealousy,

Of rage,

Of resentment,

Of guilt.

They all have slightly different energetic feelings.

Wouldn't it be better to allow your partner to be free to go,

And to circle back to you when they too feel the same way you do.

Because whilst it would hurt you,

Be painful for you to let go of someone you love,

To hold on would be to crush both of your souls.

To hold on would be to be holding on to a dream,

To something that doesn't quite exist,

And by holding on it can never exist.

Wouldn't it be better to allow things to unfold as they're unfolding,

To be and embody the truth of the changing dynamic.

And what if someone doesn't return?

What if you let someone go and they don't return?

Well,

I would argue that even if you hold on desperately to someone,

And they stay physically in your life,

But they're not spiritually there,

They're not emotionally there,

They've already gone,

And they certainly aren't returning.

The only way to truly have a deep and real connection is to allow them to be free,

To allow them to move away and to come back in a constant sort of interplay,

A dance over time.

And maybe they won't come back,

But this sort of allows us to really live with the space and the presence and the beauty of the present moment,

Because when they're here with us,

When people are in our life,

And be it for a day,

A week,

A month,

Or a decade,

Or longer,

Whatever that time is,

One interaction,

A smile from a stranger,

Letting it go,

Rather than holding on to it and crushing it.

There's something to be said about that space,

Because it's real and it's true.

If you were to observe a flower,

Just watch it be free.

You see its beauty,

But the moment you cut it and hold it,

It is dying.

The moment you pick it up,

You're damaging it.

Allow that flower to be beautiful and free,

And just be,

By leaving it where it is.

Come back and appreciate its beauty.

Maybe a better analogy would be to say,

Maybe a better analogy is that of a butterfly.

You have something that can return and come back to you.

Maybe even better is a house cat.

I love my cat.

She's glorious.

She's amazing.

She's soft.

She's healing,

But she isn't always there.

She goes off and does her own thing,

Not like a dog.

Dogs come to you always,

But a cat chooses to come back to you.

They can go off somewhere else,

They can come back.

And that feeling of coming back brings this extra feeling of love and joy,

Because it's not guaranteed.

Because in that moment,

Me and my cat,

Lily,

Are resonating together.

Yeah.

Can we apply those same feelings from the flower or the butterfly or the cat to our romantic partners,

To love,

To relationships?

Can we allow that person to be free,

To let them go?

And perhaps they will return.

And if they do,

Then we can sit in that resonance.

If they don't,

We can process those feelings and we can learn and grow and become something more.

Maybe they will come back later,

Maybe they won't.

But we have changed and evolved over time as we are designed and primed to do so.

So I ask you to contemplate.

If you love somebody,

Let them go.

For if they return,

They were always yours.

If they don't,

They never were.

And even to your own image of yourself.

Can you apply this thought to yourself?

It's easy to hold on to this identity.

But what if we can start to let go of that?

What if we can start to be freer of the things that we hold true to ourselves?

I am this,

I am that.

If you love yourself,

You can start to let go.

And some of that might come back.

And that's truly the part of you that is you.

But some of it will be let go of.

And that's fine too.

Because we'll discover a deeper truth within that.

So let's sit and contemplate the quote.

If you love somebody,

Let them go.

For if they return,

They were always yours.

And if they don't,

They never were.

So well done.

This brings us to the end of the session.

At the bottom of your screen,

You'll see the option to view the classroom.

Or to ask a question.

And before moving on,

I invite you to take a moment to click through and share your insights.

To read the answers from other students.

And to hear my replies.

Remember to start your responses with Kahil Gibran.

Or restate the quote.

Love.

So that we all know which one you're referring to.

This is an opportunity for deep learning,

Further introspection and insight.

So please don't miss out.

I look forward to seeing you in the next session.

Thank you.

Thank you.

This track was taken from my course,

Daily Contemplations for Living an Examined Life.

It's out now on Insight Timer and available via my profile.

I invite you to join in.