Welcome,
Welcome,
And welcome in.
You are listening to Sober in the Morning,
And I am your host,
Zoditu Jewel.
Hey family,
Welcome to April.
Have you missed me?
This voice together on Mondays,
It was a time,
Right?
And literally next month,
We will be celebrating one year since beginning Sober in the Morning,
The podcast.
So,
I want to take this time to thank you all,
Those who have been listening to the podcast from the beginning,
And those of you who have just joined and you're listening today,
Perhaps even for the first time.
I thank you for being here and being present.
I have been having this conversation literally every other day,
And I figured it must go in the podcast.
It's coming out of my mouth,
It's resonating with me for a reason,
And it's actually directly correlated to the last episode in collaboration with Thanks Divorce.
So definitely check that out.
Today,
We are talking about control.
No,
No,
No,
No,
No.
What's a subject and task at hand,
Right?
So,
Let me just put it up front and put it out there.
You don't have control over anything.
I don't have control over anything.
And in the last episode,
I talked about how control,
For example,
Can be right now I am recording,
But I have no control over whether or not the fire alarm goes off.
I have no control over whether or not my neighbors get super loud and disrupt this podcast.
The only thing that I truly have control over,
No matter how many times I try to manipulate the situation,
By perhaps recording in a safe and tight space with headphones,
Great microphone,
Whatever the case may be,
The only thing I have the most control over is my reaction to the thing.
However I choose to react is my control.
So if the fire alarm goes off right now,
And it's what is going to be a great episode,
I must choose how I respond.
Do I press pause and come back?
Do I stop and start all over again?
Do I bring you guys with me on this ride?
That's what we have control over.
That's what we can truly manage.
But unfortunately,
So many of us,
Myself included,
We try to manipulate the situations.
I like to try to get ahead of the situation.
So get this,
This is like a low.
We're getting deeper only three minutes in.
I would say things like I'm a planner.
So because I'm a planner,
I like to get ahead of the situation.
So let's say there's an event that's happening.
I don't know,
One to two weeks out.
I'm going to start talking about the thing.
I'm going to start to what I don't see as stress,
But could cause anxiety and frustration in others.
I'm going to try to talk about the thing,
Talk about all the scenarios and how it could work along before it happens.
And I was like,
Yeah,
It's because I'm a planner,
Right?
Wrong.
You all know me,
I like to unpack.
So I started to scratch at the surface.
I say I'm a planner,
Which is true,
But I'm trying to control this thing that's like so far out,
Has nothing to do with the right now being in the present.
And as I said before,
I can really only control my response to the thing.
And when I got at the root of it,
I realized it isn't so much that I'm a planner,
But because I'm looking to control the situation,
There's something deeper than that.
And that deeper thing is that I am fearful of what could happen if I don't get ahead of the situation.
Hold on now.
We're going to get a little deeper.
But what am I afraid of?
I'm afraid of what will happen.
I'm afraid of how I will respond.
I'm afraid I may not be able to handle it at all.
Wait,
Wait,
Wait,
Wait.
So am I saying that I don't trust myself?
After almost 34 years of living and all that I've experienced,
I am actually having trust issues within myself.
At first I thought it was other people,
But now I'm saying I use control as a defense mechanism to mask the idea that I don't trust myself.
I told y'all we're getting deep and it's only five minutes in.
What?
And this is the work that I must do now.
These are the realizations that I've come into the last few days.
And when I've had conversations with others about their bout with control,
Some people find it to be an issue that they've got to work through.
But honestly,
The majority of the people I talk to don't find anything wrong with it.
They like what they like.
They can say they're stuck in their ways,
Perhaps.
So I encourage you,
If you perhaps struggle with control or have ever found it to be not in your favor,
Ask yourself why?
And when you get to that answer,
Dig a little deeper.
And then when you get to that answer,
Dig even more.
Because I always feel that there's something there and there's always an opportunity to grow.
If we have breath in our lungs,
The opportunity to wake up,
We can rise again.
Time owes us nothing.
Today,
Tomorrow owes us nothing.
Life will continue to move whether we are here or not.
So why sweat the small things?
Why not live big in the present,
In the moment we have today,
Right now?
Don't waste these moments trying to control what is beyond you.
Reach beyond your limits.
Hold tight on who you are.
Pack light and journey on.
You are listening to Sober in the Morning.
And I am your host,
Zodi Tutu.
