Welcome,
I'm Diana Oskov.
The topic of today's talk is how to transform fear into your greatest ally.
Let me start with a question.
Who you want to become and who you are becoming,
Are they the same or are they misaligned?
Take time and reflect on this question.
We are born with two fears,
Fear of falling and fear of loud noise.
That act is a built-in survival mechanism that protects us from danger.
Fear of falling,
The instinct is evident when the infant experiences a sudden loss of support causing them to spread their arms and cry.
And fear of loud noise or unexpected sound that triggers immediate physical reaction in a newborn,
Such as crying or flinching.
This is an automatic response to your brain's ancient survival system,
Alerting the infant to potential threats.
These instincts are wired into our brain's primitive survival circuitry,
And all other fears,
Such as those of snakes or hides,
Are learned through our experiences,
Observation or culture.
The fears we inherited.
Where fear begins.
Parents unintentionally pass fears to their children through protective language.
Example for that is,
Watch out,
Be smart,
Be safe,
Look over your shoulder,
Something bad is always about to happen.
The key point here is that these warnings,
While well-intentioned,
They program us to expect danger.
How to identify those patterns?
Ask yourself a question.
What fear do you inherit?
What protective messages did you internalize?
Explore how fear shows up at different times in your automatic responses.
Let me give you an example.
When I took my kids to the mountain every winter,
We never mentioned to them,
Oh,
The outside is too cold,
The weather,
It's bad,
It's snowing so hard today.
We never mentioned any of this to them.
The one simple things we did,
We act accordingly to the weather.
If it was too cold,
We dressed them up.
If it was snowing,
We were excited for the new snow.
And this is how we taught them to be excited for the mountain and be ready,
Prepared for the weather,
Rather than instilling in them fear.
There are two types of regrets when it comes to fear.
It's very important to understand the regrets relationship to fear.
There are two types of regrets.
Regrets from doing something and regrets from not doing something.
We hold on to regrets for things that we haven't done more than things we have done.
Great example for this is if you look back into your life,
All the moments you could've,
Should've,
Would've that you haven't done,
They're stuck in you much more stronger than the things that you have done.
Because once we're done,
We moved on.
But with those that we haven't done,
They stuck with us,
They stay with us forever and become our regret.
There is a cost of living in fear.
It's not about being tough enough or brave enough.
It's about giving up the living in fear.
Regrets can last a lifetime when fear stops us from becoming who we meant to be.
So think about it.
Make a decision.
How much is costing you your fear?
Is it worth it?
Are you ready to face it?
Because this is the next step.
Observing and conditioning yourself to meet with the fear.
You have to become your own observer first.
I want to invite you to take yourself out for a coffee,
Dinner,
A movie,
And watch yourself when fear arises.
What is happening with your body?
What feelings are arising?
Are you noticing the patterns without judgment?
Understanding how you handle the different situation actually reduce fear activations.
I want to share a personal story here with my kids' experience in our recent trip to Bali.
Arriving on the small island,
The first thing they met is the interaction with the locals that we had to pay extra fees for just being there.
We weren't prepared for that.
And it was very strange.
All of a sudden,
They kind of came from nowhere and start asking for money.
Sure enough,
We checked that this is legit and we paid the fee.
We moved on and we walked to our hotel.
They were witnessing the poverty of this small island.
And all of this had impact on them.
Although my kids have been traveling a lot,
They have been to over 20 countries,
Their body still had the reaction to what they have seen.
So,
Both of them,
They felt tired and slightly sick.
They decided to stay in the room while me and my husband take a walk around and got familiar with the island.
We came back.
Our kids didn't leave the room.
They stayed there.
They couldn't even find the strength to go to the pool.
Their body was reacting.
Their mind was saving them.
So,
Their mind kept them in the room,
Safe,
Where nothing can happen.
When in reality,
There was nothing scary in the situation.
Their mind just was scared from the surroundings and made a signal to the body that it needs to save them.
So,
The body,
All of a sudden,
Is like,
OK,
Let me save you.
I'll give you a stomachache and I'll keep you safe.
But that's not the way to go when you're on vacation.
And it's not the real situation in that case.
So,
What happened is we decided to go out for a short exploration walk.
Not actually,
We take a car.
Shortly after,
They felt great.
So,
Sometimes it's just the awareness.
You have to see what is happening with yourself.
How the body and the mind are reacting.
And are they reacting from a place of fear,
Survival mode,
Where they want to keep you safe and alive?
And you have to question that situation.
Is it real?
Or is it something that you can just take in your own hands,
Maybe go out for a walk,
And show your body and mind that you're perfectly safe and perfectly fine.
Condition yourself for courage.
Just like I conditioned myself to be happy in the mountain.
Watch out the language and the mindset that you have.
Instead of,
Oh,
It's too cold.
Look at this beautiful new snow and enjoy it today.
Small shifts in how we frame experiences create different emotional responses.
And often,
Fear is where fear is born.
I want you to know that fear is in your control.
Knowing when to walk away from a different situation.
Do not fear to walk away when you feel threatened.
It's not a weakness.
It's strength.
Don't catch the bow when it's on fire.
Simply walk away.
Don't respond out of habit.
Manipulation or misplaced respect.
Simply walk away.
Walking away,
It's not a weakness.
It's a strength.
Harnessing the fear as your ally.
The first thing you have to do is finding the underlying issue.
Look beneath the surface of fear to find what is it really protecting you from.
Other people's behavior,
It's about them,
Not about you.
And the truth is,
You are at no one's mercy but your own.
Learn to transform your triggers into your own tools.
Understanding your triggers help you navigate emotions.
When you know how to handle the different situations,
Fear loses its power.
Reframe.
Use fear as information,
Not instruction.
In every situation,
You have a point.
You have to make the choice here.
Every moment of fear is a point of choice between who you were and who you were becoming.
Fear often signals that you are at the edge of growth.
Enjoy it.
Allow it to be there.
There's a saying that says that life begins at the end of your comfort zone.
And it's true.
Enjoy it.
Embrace it.
I want to challenge you this week to identify one pattern,
A fear that keeps you misaligned with who you want to become.
Ask yourself what I'm not doing because of fear that I will regret not trying.
And I want to leave you with one final thought.
Your greatest dreams live on the other side of your greatest fears.
The question isn't whether you will feel fear,
It's whether you will let it decide who you become.
This concludes today's talk about transforming fear into your greatest ally.
I'm Diana Oskov and I'm looking forward to meeting you again.
