Hi,
I'm Megan.
This talk is designed for anybody who has children in their life,
Maybe teachers,
Coaches,
Caregivers of any type,
And you're starting to notice a lot of negative self-talk from the children,
A lot of limiting beliefs,
Doubting themselves,
Criticizing themselves too harshly.
I've spent most of my career teaching elementary school,
Mostly fifth grade and some middle school,
And I also taught English as a second language to all ages.
So I've come across many,
Many students that constantly put themselves down,
Constantly convince themselves that they're incapable of learning.
So what are self-limiting beliefs?
Well,
These are beliefs or assumptions that restrict a human in some way.
So for example,
I often hear a child say something like,
I'm bad at math.
This could be from so many things.
It could be because they sit near another child who has all their multiplication facts memorized,
And it came to that other child really quickly.
And so the child who thinks they're bad at math creates this story that,
Well,
If I can't do this as quickly as my classmate,
I must be bad at math.
And so then the child goes around confirming this belief.
So maybe they get a lower quiz score,
And then this confirms the belief,
I'm bad at math.
And as humans,
We want to confirm our beliefs often,
Even if they hurt us.
And so if there is evidence that the child's not bad at math,
He or she will make up stories like,
Oh,
I just got lucky on that one,
Or it still wasn't 100.
And so of course,
This could be for any limiting belief.
But for this example,
Between the words,
I'm bad at math,
Convincing,
Finding evidence,
Hearing other people say it,
Maybe hearing parents say it,
The child creates this belief and sticks to it and literally could stick to this for a lifetime.
So really common ones that I hear are,
I'm not good enough.
I'm dumb.
And just simply I can't and then fill in the blank with anything.
And keep in mind,
Often,
Whoever's saying this is not putting in a ton of time trying to figure it out,
Struggling,
Being confused,
You know,
Sitting in the problem solving stage.
And then these beliefs become the reality.
And so for years,
You know,
The,
The child creates this story.
And so whenever it's time for math,
It's like,
Oh,
This is gonna be hard.
I can't do this.
I'm not good at this.
I often heard as a fifth grade teacher,
I'm not a good writer.
And I always tried to remind my students,
Like when you were a little baby,
By the way,
You couldn't hold a pencil,
You couldn't speak,
You were trying to understand what your parents were saying to you.
And now you're writing solid paragraphs.
So first of all,
Let's acknowledge how far we've come,
Right?
Okay,
So let's get into solutions to help this.
So step one,
Identify,
Identify the negative self talk,
Identify the I can't statement,
Limiting belief.
Now,
I'm not asking that you sit with a child and have them brainstorm all the negative self talk,
That might not be a good idea.
But when it comes up,
Just notice it,
Maybe you jot it down,
You pause.
Second step is to assess the accuracy of the belief or claim.
And so you can say to them,
Hey,
I noticed that you said this.
And they might be completely convinced this is true in the moment.
But you can come in as the adult and start to use logic and reason to help them understand why this belief is not necessarily true.
So for instance,
We could talk about,
Well,
What's the barometer of success here?
You're saying,
For instance,
You're a bad writer,
I hear that a lot.
Where are you getting this idea from?
You know,
So what are we,
What are we defining as I'm a good writer,
I might say,
You know,
Harry Potter,
Do you know that JK Rowling story was rejected by 12 publishers before it was accepted.
And imagine if she convinced herself that Harry Potter was just a dumb story that nobody was gonna like anyway.
So to give you an example,
Here's how I may talk with a child on step two.
So imagine they say I'm a bad reader,
Super common,
I might say,
Well,
I hear you.
But I don't believe that's true.
And here's why.
First of all,
It's possible that your teachers,
Past and current,
And your parents just haven't had enough time to teach you reading strategies that you need to learn in order to feel better about reading.
It's also possible that you just haven't had enough time to practice,
Maybe you're busy with other things,
And you're not taking time to practice reading.
You could also be comparing yourself to a sibling or a classmate who learns totally different than you.
We also have to check the book levels that you're reading.
A lot of times in class,
You're forced to read text,
That's just a little too hard for you right now,
It's going to feel frustrational.
If there's too many vocabulary words that you don't know,
Or if it's about a topic that you're totally unfamiliar with,
It doesn't mean you're a bad reader,
It just means this particular book or article,
Whatever it is,
Just isn't isn't the right fit for you right now.
It's also very possible that you just are finding what you have to read really boring.
So maybe if we find something that you're more excited about,
All of a sudden you will start to notice that you're actually a better reader because you're interested in the text.
And we can always bring in the growth mindset language of yet,
So imagine they pick up an instrument and it feels impossible,
You know,
And they say,
Oh I can't play violin,
I can't play guitar,
This is impossible.
We can just say,
Well yet,
You know,
You can't play it yet,
But everything takes time usually,
And so give it time.
And step three is to check yourself as the adult in this situation.
So much of what we model kids are picking up on,
Whether we realize it or not,
So how are you speaking to yourself?
You know,
Be mindful and forgiving,
Of course.
It's never ever ever too late to begin again,
But you know,
Just start to maybe be more mindful about how you're talking to yourself,
What you're saying they are listening to,
They're paying attention to,
And so if you are constantly criticizing yourself,
If you're constantly saying you're incapable of things,
They're most likely picking up on this.
So just begin again and be kinder to yourself starting right now.
I caught myself recently saying I don't understand finances well,
I'm not really great with the stock market,
Things like that,
But when I use these steps I thought,
Well,
I've barely put any time into learning much about the stock market and the financial system,
And so if I'm not gonna put any time in,
Of course,
I don't understand it yet,
And if I want to,
I can learn about it.
All right,
And then step four,
We have a little fun.
So we go back to that initial limiting belief and we write it down,
And you can write it,
You know,
You can get creative,
Artsy with colors,
With what you want to write on,
And what we're gonna do is just get rid of it.
So write it down and say goodbye to it.
Maybe you rip it up,
Maybe you try to shoot it into a garbage,
See who makes it.
You could even write it on toilet paper and flush it down the toilet.
Maybe put it through a paper shredder carefully,
Or if you have a little bonfire out back,
Burn it safely.
So we just have fun getting rid of throwing away these negative self-beliefs,
Saying goodbye to them,
And then we move on to our next step,
Which is replacing with a positive affirmation.
So to go with our examples,
It could be something like,
I am capable of learning math,
I'm intelligent,
I'm motivated,
I'm making progress in my writing,
I'm determined,
I'm patient,
I'm willing to learn,
I practice.
Whatever it is that replaces this and puts a spin on growth,
On practice,
On progress,
And then you can say these affirmations together.
You can post them on a mirror.
It can become a little art project where they write their affirmation and draw a picture to go along with it.
Final step is to just praise progress.
So progress over perfection and effort.
So praise how far they've come,
Praise them on their effort.
Celebrating small wins,
We have to release perfection.
Emma Norris says perfection is the mountain that has no peak.
So can we help our children and ourselves release perfection?
Of course that doesn't mean not to set goals and do your best in every moment,
But realizing that it's a process,
It's a journey,
And we don't have to constantly put ourselves down and constantly beat ourselves up.
I think the world can be harsh enough,
So can we be more of cheerleaders for ourselves,
For our children,
And realize that even people that we never may have thought of struggled so much they did.
I want to end with Thomas Edison right here where I'm recording this in New Jersey.
Thomas Edison was one of the most amazing people I've ever met.
He was one of the most amazing people I've ever met.
He was one of the most amazing people I've ever met.
He was one of the most amazing people I've ever met.
He was one of the most amazing people I've ever met.
He was one of the most amazing people I've ever met.
He was one of the most amazing people I've ever met.
He was one of the most amazing people I've ever met.
He was one of the most amazing people I've ever met.
He was one of the most amazing people I've ever met.
He was one of the most amazing people I've ever met.
He was one of the most amazing people I've ever met.
He was one of the most amazing people I've ever met.
He was one of the most
