If You Grow Good Fruit, Eat it!

Okay,

May I ask a question about Donna?

If I feel like I don't have much to share,

I will try to share what I can,

But if I don't feel like offering something in may cause harm to others instead.

For offering something that might cause harm to others?

Yes.

I feel like maybe the things I give to others are not good enough,

Or the things others are not,

What do you say,

Not quite present to them.

In such a case,

Or if I don't have real,

Not nothing,

Or so much less which I can offer,

How can I cultivate the quality of Donna?

Probably the most universal,

Or the best thought to reflect,

Not so much even I offer,

But that I am in the realm of offering.

So I also have received generosity,

And that's beautiful.

So then you reflect upon Donna in that respect.

So many things are given.

So sometimes you enter them by reflecting on how they are part of our human world.

We are given.

Air is given to us,

Breath is given to us,

Life is given to us.

Oh how beautiful.

Oh I like to,

Because I've given so much,

I'd like to bring something back.

And the primary gift of Donna is to give freedom from fear.

So the thought you keep the precepts,

Then in some ways you're already giving,

No creatures need harm me,

No creatures need fear me,

I'm going to harm them,

Nobody need worry about me taking things from them,

Or me abusing them.

I'm offering that already just by keeping the five precepts.

It's important not to get a calculator out when you practice this.

I may have intention to help others,

But my conditioning is not gentle,

Not soft,

Not friendly,

So maybe the way it comes out may not be so,

You're a specific person.

Maybe a bit too forceful.

No.

It's another topic,

But I think what really is so important,

Because it's often neglected,

Is how to negotiate contact with others.

Because there's no way you can know,

You may think you've been incredibly offensive to someone,

And say no that's fine.

People are people,

People are people,

People are resilient,

Able to,

Yeah that's the way she is,

She means well.

You know what I mean,

People are not what you think they are.

You don't know unless you find out.

So you can say well,

Did I come,

Was I a bit too strong,

Was I too forceful?

No that's fine,

Thank you for asking,

It's good to know that you're interested.

Or even ideally beforehand,

Is this okay,

Is this the right time,

Is this the right place,

I'd like to,

You know like you proceed with some kind of introductory remark,

Like I'd like to or may I,

Is this the right time,

Or how you feel about,

Somehow you kind of like ask the other person to,

You know,

You kind of knock on the door before you rush in,

See if anybody's there.

It's such a simple thing in some ways,

And such a powerful thing,

Because somebody says wow well thanks for asking,

You know.

And yet it's so,

It's such a small thing,

And such a big thing,

It just takes that moment before you,

And if you've done something,

After.

How was that?

Because I want to learn.

So before and then after,

How was that,

Did that seem okay to you,

Or how did that affect you?

Fine.

You know,

And then otherwise you're not going to know.

You're left just with your own mind,

Telling you about yourself.

Hell,

This doesn't go anywhere.

It's just the same story over and over again.

There's no way out,

It's the same story.

So if you get it completely wrong it's better to know.

So yeah I found that really,

Really challenging,

Really difficult,

I really found myself offended by that,

You know.

Yeah that hurt,

I felt that really seemed quite rude to me,

I felt very offended by that.

You know,

Alright.

Yeah,

Okay well thanks for telling me,

Yeah.

You've got any suggestions on,

You know,

The signs you do get it wrong?

But it's remarkable the number of times we don't get it wrong,

Or we think we did,

Because we never checked in.

Well it wasn't brilliant,

But it was okay.

Well yeah it was difficult,

But then I was in a difficult mood,

Not because of what you said,

Because I was already in a difficult mood.

But thanks for asking.

And then the way we can clear things.

And ideally,

You know,

Say,

Without getting too kind of formal about it,

Some sense in which you,

You know,

You kind of,

To your fellow people in your same group,

You know,

Please let me know.

I must have done,

You know,

I can't have done it exactly right.

So could you give me some feedback on how I'm coming across?

And also,

You know,

I'll talk about what happens for me,

You know,

I feel it's,

You know,

So there'd be something whereby we come out of these person packets into something more understanding.

You know,

Programs are difficult.

It's not a person,

These are programs.

Some of them are really difficult.

And the way I recognize this generally is,

You know,

I only have to live with this person like two hours a day.

Get stuck with them 24-7.

So that tends to definitely ameliorate,

Do something more compassionate.

And often you just,

You don't know why this person is so this way or the other.

And you find anything,

Wow,

Cool,

That's tough.

Oh,

Yeah,

Well,

I can forgive that,

You know.

Because,

You know,

These programs are there for often very unpleasant reasons why they're there.

You know,

Everybody's the way they are because of something.

You know,

When you begin to get what the something was,

You think,

Geez,

Well,

It's tough,

You know.

How miserable.

You just feel,

Don't worry about it.

I'm not going to make an issue out of that,

You know,

Because,

You know,

Stuff that people are living with.

You can,

You know.

As I say,

You know,

I think it's sometimes a bit frightening at first and uncomfortable and awkward and definitely embarrassing.

But,

You know,

You've got to kind of recognize that,

Do I want to be real or do I want to live in Disneyland?

Do I want to be with real people or do I want to be with Mickey Mouse,

You know.

I think I'll deal with the real ones.

And the main thing is that you deal with real people,

Most of the time you'll become a real person,

You know,

Which means you'll be able to handle,

You know,

Your fear and your attention and your whatever desperate need to be approved of or whatever.

You'll be able to handle them in a great deal more,

Compassion and dispassion.

Because,

You know,

You see them as they are,

Those programs.

Yeah,

So truth is a gift.

Being truthful is a gift.

Being someone who offers attention is a gift.

Someone who gives honest,

Compassionate feedback,

That's a tremendous doner.

Someone who,

You know,

Offers someone the possibility to be who they are without knowing you shouldn't,

Yes you should,

You know.

That's a tremendous gift.

When you look at it,

You know,

When you think,

Well yes,

Food is great,

But actually what really benefits me is on another level the gift of dhamma,

Which I think means much more than just being able to recite a sutta,

But actually the gift of wise,

Compassionate awareness is the huge gift that we can offer.

You offer it to others,

You live in that realm of dhanas,

It's going to come back to you.

And please also just enjoy the parami that you do manifest.

You can't be in this situation without having parami.

You would not bear it.

You probably don't truly acknowledge it.

And not just an idea,

But get into that quality in yourself which is courageous,

Is willing,

You know,

Is deeply courageous,

You know,

To cut off your links to security and wages and property and all that stuff,

You know,

To go out on this raft into the ocean.

It's profoundly courageous and determined and resolute and,

You know,

So just sort of really tap into the parami,

Otherwise,

You know,

Like the Buddhist thing is if you grow good fruit you should eat them.

Or just look at them,

Or look at somebody else's,

You know.

Even like