Year End Reflection & New Year Intention

Welcome,

My name is Bethany Dearborn Heiser and I am so glad that you have chosen to listen to this meditation and be led in a year-end examine and new year intention.

This time is for you,

For your reflection and contemplation on this past year and this coming year.

I'm going to start our time by reading a quote from Howard Thurman,

Who is an American author,

Philosopher,

Theologian,

Christian mystic,

And civil rights leader.

It helps to name and provide a framework for our time together.

How good it is to center down,

To sit quietly and see oneself pass by.

The streets of our minds seethe with endless traffic,

Our spirits resound with clashings and noisy silences.

While something deep within hungers and thirsts for the still,

The moment and the resting low.

The questions persist.

What are we doing with our lives?

What are the motives that order our days?

What is the end of our doings?

Where are we trying to go?

Where do we put the emphasis and what are our values focused?

For what end do we make sacrifices?

Where is my treasure and what do I love most in life?

What do I hate most in life and to what am I true?

Over and over the questions beat in upon the waiting moment,

As we live another kind.

A deeper note,

Which only the stillness of the heart makes clear.

It moves directly to the core of our being.

Our questions are answered,

Our spirits refreshed,

And we move back into the traffic of our daily round,

With the peace of the eternal in our step.

How good it is to center down.

So in this time,

I hope that there is space to consider some of these questions.

We'll invite you to enter the gaze of love,

Which is where the Ignatian practices often begin.

Inviting God's perspective and guidance.

Invite you to name some gratitude.

And then we'll create some space for significant feelings and for lament,

As you are able in this time,

Honoring your capacity.

And then a little bit of recognizing and releasing what we're holding onto and then looking forward.

And again,

Just want to name that sometimes when we slow down,

Stuff comes up.

There's turbulence in our minds and hearts.

And this quote from James Finley,

In the gardeness of meditation,

Suffering arises.

So I just want to invite you to honor your capacity to engage with emotion,

With what you are experiencing with this year.

This is not going to invite you to write a big list of all that's happened this year,

But more just listening with our heart to what surfaces for this time to contemplate on.

So slowing down and choosing to be contemplative is creating some space for things to come up.

So I just want to honor each of you for choosing this time and the brave work of slowing down and reflection.

So with that,

If you're not,

If you're still with me,

You know,

Like,

Okay,

I got to leave now.

That's too much.

Hopefully you're still with me.

I'll lead a breath practice and a bit of a body scan and invite you to enter God's gaze of love.

So just however feels right.

Again,

Just maybe allowing your shoulders to relax,

Planting your feet on the ground.

Perhaps gently closing your eyes as you're able.

And for the next few breaths,

I invite you to bring your focus on your breathing.

Your inhale and exhale.

You don't need to do anything about it.

Just bring your awareness.

Noticing the feeling of air coming in through your nose,

Down into your lungs and into your belly.

And perhaps just noticing how your breath has changed as you have slowed down.

As you've brought awareness to your inhale and your exhale.

You might,

If you choose,

Place your hand on your belly and just seeing if you can expand your breath now.

Ever so slowly inhaling.

And letting all the air go as you exhale.

Recently,

I've been enjoying imagining that air as it comes in through our lungs.

Fresh oxygen being pumped in to our hearts and going throughout our whole body,

Every vein.

Every vessel.

And then as we breathe out,

Imagining that which we are not meant to carry.

That carbon dioxide pumping back through every part of our body.

Back through our heart into our lungs and breathe out with our exhale.

I invite you in that flow of breathing in and out.

To invite a God of love gazing at you with love.

Maybe it's hard to imagine God gazing at you with love or much resistance arises at that idea.

I invite you to notice that resistance or discomfort with love and grace toward yourself.

Honoring wherever you are at and whatever comes up that leads to that discomfort.

And if you feel comfortable just inviting that resistance perhaps to step aside for a moment.

Honoring it.

And seeing if you can open ever so slightly to love.

This creator of all,

This God who comes through a womb in this season.

We bring mindfulness to this God who dwells within and all around.

To gaze at you with love.

Perhaps on your next inhale,

Imagine breathing in that love and watching it flow throughout your whole body.

And as you breathe out,

Is there what you are breathing out to be more present here.

And dwelling in love,

I invite you to begin to consider this past year.

Just take note of whatever images or sensations,

Emotions,

Impulses arise in you.

As much as possible,

Allow yourself to feel what you feel as you bring this to mind.

And we'll come back towards heaviness later that might arise.

For now,

I invite you to consider what you are grateful for.

Is there something that comes to mind that you are grateful for?

Perhaps noticing how gratitude feels in your body.

In your countenance.

Perhaps considering a moment when you turn toward yourself or toward God with you.

How do you feel as you remember that?

And as you are ready,

I invite you to bring that reflection to open your eyes and bring that to paper.

Hopefully you have a pen and paper around.

And just begin to note what you are grateful for of this year.

It doesn't have to be an exhaustive list,

But I have a few prompts.

This is not a checklist that you have to get through,

But just to consider.

For Ignatius,

Gratitude is the first and most important step on the spiritual journey.

It helps us find God in all things and can transform the way we look at our life and other people.

I invite you to reflect on some of the ways you might have navigated even challenges.

Offering thanks to your whole being for carrying all you have carried this year.

So we'll take a few moments to go ahead and write down whatever comes to mind of what you are grateful for.

Go ahead and bring your writing reflection or your contemplation to a pause.

Obviously you can pick up later.

We're going to transition to considering how contemplation can also provide space for lament.

And I love this quote from Arthur Riley in her book This Year Flesh.

I love that.

Lament is not anti-hope.

Lament itself is a form of hope.

It's an innate awareness that what is should not be.

Lament is a cry for what is wrong.

It means to express sorrow,

Mourning,

Or regret.

And often,

Especially in my white American,

North American culture,

We can mask grief with anger or fear.

Or we numb it with a variety of substances and activities.

And yet grief is meant to be expressed,

To be voiced,

To be wailed.

And many of us don't know how or can't or forgotten how to wail,

To lament.

In sadness and in a cry of hope.

And maybe it's clear what you are crying out for,

Or maybe you are unsure.

And by no means is this time intended to process all of our grief or push you into a space that you're not ready for.

So I invite you to have grace on yourself and consider what you have capacity for.

Riley also says,

Denial of pain is born of self-preservation.

In other words,

We might need to stifle our cry as an act of survival and coping.

Denial of pain is born of self-preservation.

Another quote I came across this week by Dr.

Zelana.

But grief and gratitude are not opposites,

They are companions.

One says this hurts,

The other says I'm still here.

It's the roof that remains,

The friend who stayed,

The smallest mercy that met you in the middle of the mess.

Gratitude doesn't fix the pain,

It grounds it.

It tells your nervous system you are safe enough to notice again.

So we hold this grief and gratitude in the same inhale and exhale.

And the Psalms provide much context and invitation to lament.

This is a quote from Dan Allender in his book,

The Cry of the Soul and Tremper Longman.

The psalmist calls us to ponder our inner world,

Not neglect it.

Ignoring our emotions is turning our back on reality.

Listening to our emotions ushers us into reality,

And reality is where we meet God.

So my intent is to pause in the midst of this,

Examine,

Not to drag you into lament if you're not ready.

So just encouraging you to pay attention to your body as we move through this.

And consider what embodied practices might be helpful for you.

And I'm going to invite you to name some lament.

Hopefully this can provide a little bit of a container.

But as a guide,

We're going to look at one of the passages from the prophets who speaks of lament.

And in the message version,

Or the familiar version for many is,

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines.

In the message version it says,

Though the cherry trees don't blossom and the strawberries don't ripen.

Though the apples are worm-eaten and the wheat fields stunted.

Though the sheep pens are sheepless and the cattle barns are empty.

And the prophet continues with clinging to hope.

And to naming what,

Again,

What we give thanks for.

And clinging to God for strength who makes our feet like the feet of a deer.

But before we get to that,

I want to invite you to name,

If you,

You can choose your own adventure here.

If you choose to name some of your though that's.

Though this happened and this and that.

Or you might consider just more of what is your cry of your soul?

What is your lament?

When you think about this year,

I feel this.

So choose if the container of though and that is helpful.

Or just if you consider,

How do you feel?

Or what is the cry of your soul?

Again,

I offer this just as a framework and feel free to write or move,

Turn off screen and move.

How you feel led right now.

Invite you to bring that time of reflection to a close.

And when you are ready to consider,

What does strength look like for you right now?

Or what are the heights you are treading,

You are climbing?

So again,

Choosing whichever question and going with what resonates for you right now.

Feel free to continue with that if you're there.

If you're ready to begin to reflect on,

Maybe this has already been part of your reflection,

But noticing what you are holding.

This year.

What are you holding against yourself?

Against others?

Perhaps against your workplace or church or faith community?

Or what you've been holding against God?

Just invite again noticing with grace and returning to breath as you need throughout this time.

Invite you to bring your writing reflection to a close.

And I'm going to lead you in a welcoming prayer practice.

It's developed by Contemplative Outreach.

Many of you are familiar.

But it involves noticing what we are feeling,

Allowing ourselves to feel it.

Both are hard.

And inviting God with us in it.

And then letting go of our needs,

Our normal human needs for security,

Affection and control.

And embracing whatever we are experiencing in the moment.

With God.

I'll invite you to listen in dialogue with God through Lexi Davina with a psalm from Psalm for Praying.

And then we'll do a final free write.

So I invite you to bring your attention again to your breath.

Noticing what you are experiencing right now.

As much as possible allowing yourself to feel what you feel and noticing the sensations.

Maybe there's tension in your body.

Tightness in your gut.

Clenched jaw.

Maybe the urge to get up and be done with this.

But you notice that with grace.

Oh yeah,

I've got these strategies.

This is hard.

It's normal to feel this way.

And as much as possible allowing yourself to feel what you are feeling.

Your emotions are normal human responses.

And in this practice we're invited to allow what we are experiencing as an opportunity to consent to welcome God with you.

Consent to the divine indwelling.

Our strategies and resentments are often signs of unmet needs.

Normal human needs for security and safety.

For esteem and affection.

For power and control.

In any given day we seek to meet those needs through a variety of ways.

Often driven by what Thomas Keating calls our programs for happiness.

Whether we know it or not.

Perhaps you are aware of how you long for those needs to be met and how unmet they were this year.

But I invite you right now to notice how do you feel toward those needs.

These normal needs for security,

Affection and control.

See if you can offer them a greeting,

A welcome.

We are made in this way.

We're going to move through each of them.

I'm going to invite you in somewhat of an internal family systems practice.

But to listen to the parts of you that seek power and control.

Just briefly acknowledge,

Oh yeah,

I have that need.

Those parts of me that really seek to be in control.

And it's hard when I'm not in control.

Just whatever voice of compassion you can extend.

Acknowledging the challenge when we're out of control.

Inviting your empathy toward that part of you.

And God's empathy and compassion.

And when you're ready,

Noticing the parts that are longing for affection,

Esteem,

Approval,

Pleasure and welcome them with open arms.

We are made with a normal human need for affection and esteem.

So again,

Inviting that voice of compassion.

Oh yeah,

Of course,

I have that need.

And see if you can also then,

When you're ready,

Make space for the parts of you that are concerned with your own survival.

The survival of those around you and security and safety.

Recognizing the role that those parts play in protecting you.

Perhaps even noticing if any visual comes to mind of all these parts at a table.

In Psalm 23,

We hear,

You prepare a table before me in the presence of all my fears,

Is one translation.

Maybe taking another few deeper breaths.

Seeing if there's a bit more room for connection with yourself.

Perhaps inviting your core self.

The self that is connected to the God of love.

To be led by welcoming God with you in all of it.

God waits for our consent,

Offering to embrace and hold all of our parts with care.

Your consent is honored and seen.

Inviting God to come and meet with you,

Perhaps opening your hands,

A way to open yourself to receive.

Or even,

However feels right,

Imagining and trusting these needs.

Your desires for safety,

Affection and control into God's hands.

I want to read,

Invite you to listen to this psalm.

I do invite you to listen for a word or a phrase that might stand out to you.

Let my prayer be heard,

Oh comforter.

Listen to me and answer me.

I cry out to you in the midst of my pain.

Fear and doubt sought to capture me.

Weaving webs of confusion,

Breeding layers of anxiety.

Sowing false seeds of empty promises.

They sought to take control.

Yet you,

Oh beloved,

Were ever near.

Waiting for me to call upon you.

I offered my fears up to the beloved,

And love heard my cry.

I sought the one who ever listens.

Once again,

I know love's presence.

Yes,

You,

Oh beloved,

Bring my fears to the fore.

Exposing them to the light.

I abandon myself into your hands.

Into your heart,

I commend my soul.

In you will I trust.

I invite you to notice if there's a word or a phrase that stands out to you.

Maybe unnerves you or beckons you somehow.

I'll just take a moment with that word.

I'm going to read it one more time,

So if you'd like to listen.

Let my prayer be heard,

Oh comforter.

Listen to me and answer me.

I cry out to you in the midst of my pain.

Fear and doubt sought to capture me.

Weaving webs of confusion,

Breeding layers of anxiety.

Sowing false seeds of empty promises.

They sought to take control.

Yet you,

Oh beloved,

Were ever near.

Waiting for me to call upon you.

I offered my fears up to the beloved,

And love heard my cry.

I sought the one who ever listens.

Once again,

I know love's presence.

Yes,

You,

Oh beloved,

Bring my fears to the fore.

Exposing them to the light.

I abandon myself into your hands.

Into your heart I commend my soul.

In you will I trust.

So I invite you to notice where that word or phrase,

Maybe there's a few,

But just allowing one to rise to the surface and where it speaks to your life right now.

And perhaps when you're ready,

Coming into dialogue with the beloved.

With whatever questions or concerns,

Whatever's on your heart.

For a moment,

Try to let go of words and just practice being still.

Practicing silence.

Allowing yourself to be held.

And then when you're ready,

Considering how you might take this word or phrase into your coming day and into the coming year.

Noticing even what you feel as you consider looking forward.

Reflect through writing or just sitting in silence,

But there's some questions.

Perhaps asking for the grace you need for the coming year.

Perhaps thinking of what intention you want to set.

And again,

These do not need to be a checklist,

But just considering one or two of them.

I invite you to bring your time of reflection to a close.

And I'm going to read a blessing.

This is from Abby of the Arts,

Christine Balters' painter,

And her series that she offers online.

Journeying one,

You help us to navigate the path,

Placing one foot in front of the other.

Even when the way ahead is not visible,

We set aside our desire for maps,

GPS,

And guidebooks and surrender to an inner knowing and direction sparked by the deepest longing of our hearts.

We know the desire for new life we feel has been kindled by you.

May we surrender our need to steer the course and let every step we take carry us into greater intimacy with you.

Help us to see others as fellow pilgrims on the way with their own fears and struggles.

Compel us to reach out a hand in loving compassion and support.

And may we recognize all those holy guides who disrupt our intended paths as sparking a new direction on our way.

I bless you this new year.

May there be life and love,

Peace within and peace without,

Freedom to dream.

And may you know you are loved not for what you do,

But for who you are.

Thank you.