Eliminating Gossip Meditation

This meditation will be on using gossip as a way to come into presence.

So begin by just allowing your attention to come down and in.

What we mean by that is that so often our intention is up,

It's up in our head,

In our thoughts,

And it's out.

It's out into the space around us,

Or it's out into the future,

Or it's out into the past.

So actually bring your attention down and in.

Imagine a spot in the center of your torso.

And bring your attention to that spot.

And as you allow your attention to come down and in,

You might notice that what rises up to meet you is a sense of peace and quiet.

And this peace and quiet is actually always here,

Always now.

It's nothing that you have to create,

And you don't have to maintain it.

This place of equanimity is the true place of presence,

And it's simply something we can return to whenever we want.

So in this moment just allow yourself to rest in this place of present awareness.

Allow yourself to just simply notice occurrences that are arising in and on consciousness.

You might notice sounds.

And you might notice sensations that are occurring on the body or in the body,

On the surface of the skin,

Or in the body.

And you might notice your feeling tone as well.

What's the mood that's arising in this moment?

And simply notice that occurrences,

Whether they be sounds or sensations,

Feelings or moods,

Actually arise in and on presence.

Presence doesn't go away.

Presence is always here,

Like the screen at the movie theater.

And the images of our life,

The experience,

The occurrence of our life,

Simply shows up on presence,

Like pictures at a cinema show up on a screen.

So can you just watch the movie?

Now we're going to invite a particular movie to show up in consciousness.

Allow to come into your consciousness a person,

A person about whom you have either gossiped or wanted to gossip.

And don't work at this too hard.

Just take the first situation that comes into your mind.

And first allow yourself to see the situation where you are gossiping,

See yourself talking about the other person.

See the person or the people you're talking to.

Even allow the soundtrack to play what it is you're saying and how the others are responding.

And as the movie of gossiping is playing,

Allow yourself to take the posture of the noticer or the witness.

So the movie is playing of you gossiping,

But you're actually now watching yourself gossip.

You're seeing yourself and hearing yourself.

And you can both hear and see that which is on the outside,

But you can also see and hear and feel that which is on your inside as you're talking about that other person.

And begin as best you can by just welcoming the entire movie of you gossiping about that person.

Sometimes we want to judge ourselves for that or make gossiping wrong,

Make ourselves wrong for gossiping.

But in this moment,

Can you just allow the movie to play to see yourself and to give yourself a momentary breath of acceptance?

Welcoming the words you're saying and the feelings you're feeling,

The thoughts that are arising as you gossip about this other person.

Just give yourself a little bit of loving kindness.

And now as you observe or witness yourself gossiping,

See if you can find the quality of wanting to be right.

Usually when we're gossiping,

We believe we're right about what it is we're saying.

We're right about our opinions and our judgments and our beliefs about the other person.

We're right that they're wrong for being the way they are or for doing what they did.

And see if you can feel this quality of rightness about yourself in this situation.

And again,

Can you just simply welcome wanting to be right about this person?

Even welcome knowing that you are right if you're still very attached to that view.

Just welcome this desire to be right.

And then you might notice as well that as the movie of you gossiping is playing,

As you watch yourself,

There's not only a quality of being right,

But there's also a quality of being better than.

At least on the outside as the movie plays and we see ourselves gossiping,

We can see that as we gossip we feel better than the other person or the other people.

There's a quality of superiority.

And see if you can notice that quality of better than.

And can you just welcome that as well?

Can you welcome wanting to be better than?

Wanting to stand above.

So as you witness the video of gossip,

You're welcoming the wanting to be right and the wanting to be better than,

Superior to,

Stand above.

No need to make yourself wrong or bad for that at all.

It's just part of the ego's strategy.

So instead of trying to get rid of it,

Just accept it as best you can.

Just let it be here.

And now let's go a step further and as you watch the movie and listen to the audio of you gossiping,

See if you can boil down your gossip to one complaint about the other person or about the people you're gossiping about.

Maybe your complaint is that they're selfish or materialistic or maybe your complaint is that they're ineffective or don't work hard or not living up to their potential.

Or maybe your complaint,

Your gossip about them is that they're unattractive or something about their physical state is unappealing.

As best you can,

Allow your gossip to boil down to one complaint about the other person.

And just notice what that complaint is,

As best you can.

And now for this presencing practice,

See if you'd be willing to be open to the possibility that the very thing that you're complaining about as you gossip about the other person is actually true about you.

That the gossip is simply a projection of some quality or behavior that if you look at yourself you can actually see it in you.

And see if you can notice it.

See if you're open to how it's true about you.

Now one of the reasons that we gossip is that it gives us a chance to take something that's true about us and project it onto another person or onto another group of people.

So see now in this moment if you'd be willing to own the projection,

To see it in yourself.

Just a little bit.

Certainly not the only thing that's true about you,

But can you see that it might be true about you?

That you're selfish,

Or that you don't always work hard,

Or that you aren't living up to your potential,

Or that you have a tendency to do what you're complaining about the other person.

And now the present thing is to not only notice,

To not only be open to the possibility that it's true about you,

But to actually give yourself a moment of acceptance for that quality or that behavior.

As best you can,

Could you both acknowledge it and allow it?

Again,

Just for this moment,

Could you acknowledge allow and even accept this quality about yourself?

Probably you've spent much of your life denying it or trying to fix it or improve it.

And if you're like most of us,

You notice that doesn't really make it go away.

It just buries it or hides it.

So now we're inviting it to be here,

And we're giving that quality or that behavior or that part of ourselves a deep breath of kindness,

Of acceptance,

Of welcoming.

So you're welcoming the selfish part of yourself or the lazy part of yourself.

Maybe the materialistic part of yourself,

The controlling part of yourself,

The unappreciative part of yourself.

Just simply take a moment and as best you can,

Give that part a little bit of kindness.

And now as you welcome or acknowledge or allow that part of yourself,

As you simply give it a little bit of loving kindness,

We close the meditation,

The Presencing Practice,

By bringing your attention back to the person that you're gossiping about.

And see that quality in them that you have begun to welcome in yourself.

And again,

Do this just as best you can or just for this moment.

As you see that quality that you've previously wanted to be right about,

To be better than about,

To gossip about,

As you see that quality in them,

Would you be willing to just give that a moment of acceptance in them?

Could you actually extend an open heart of compassion to the quality that you've welcomed in yourself and that you see in them?

And again,

Just do this as best you can.

And now you could feel free to take other people or other groups,

Even the same person,

And find other qualities,

Behaviors,

And attributes that you tend to want to gossip about.

Simply identify them,

Find them in yourself as best you can,

Welcome and love them,

Accept them,

And then see if you'd be willing,

Just for now,

To accept them as you see them in another person.

This is the opportunity to use gossip as a presencing practice,

As an act,

As an invitation to loving-kindness.

Enjoy.