The Big Question, Who Am I? | Mantra Meditation for Self-Inquiry

Where you going?

Welcome to all of you in this Monday evening meditation session with me,

Dhyansay.

Something in you must be the reason why you chose to be here,

To meditate over such a nice lovely weather outside,

To sit next to the river and have a glass of drink or something like that.

I acknowledge that reason,

That feeling,

That something in you which makes you be here and spend the next minutes in meditation with me.

For today's session I have a remembrance of a game which is usually played as a drinking game but it has something to say to us in this meditation.

This game is of guessing who am I.

You I'm sure at some point of time you must have played this game in your life where you take a piece of card,

You put it on your forehead,

You don't know what's written on the card,

Everyone else in the group knows what's written on the card.

Usually there is a name,

That name is of a famous person,

It could be a celebrity,

A politician,

An artist,

A singer,

Somebody and everyone else can see you,

Everyone else can see the name,

You don't know what's written on top of your forehead and what you do is you start asking questions,

You start asking questions and you say well am I born in US and you look at other people,

If they answer yes,

You continue asking questions and you try to guess more and more of who am I,

What character am I in this game and if the answer is no,

The turn passes on to another person and another person is repeating the same.

It's a fun game,

Have you played this game?

Everyone,

You haven't played this game,

It's a really funny game and people get creative by making it a drinking game but the point of it is that when you play this game you realize that you are trying to guess about who you are based on validations from other people,

Based on feedback from the outside and this for a game,

For fun is okay but somewhere we do this in our life as well.

When it comes to the question of who we are,

Who am I,

All that we know is constructed out of this feedback,

This validation from the outside.

We ask these questions in relation to other people and they validate who am I,

Am I a son,

Am I a father,

A mother,

Am I this or that,

So many things we keep on piling those names,

Those titles,

Those descriptions to describe who am I to come to a point where we think this is who we are.

We never ask really ourselves who we really are,

Beyond these descriptions,

Beyond even the body,

Even the mind,

There is something that we can call as who we are.

Some call it spirit,

Some call it consciousness,

Some call it pure being,

Same thing,

Different names.

Unless we recognize ourselves in our first hand experience,

Not again as somebody said so,

But really in our own experience who we really are beyond the body,

Beyond the mind,

The experience of who we really are remains only as an external validation and it remains incomplete throughout our life,

No matter how great the description is,

No matter how great the belief is who we really are,

It still doesn't hold longer than a certain time and comes a time in life where you ask yourself who am I really,

Who is this,

Who is beyond the body,

Beyond the mind.

How do we deal with this question,

Who am I?

It's something which in a lot of traditions,

A lot of practices,

A lot of even meditations used as a meditation,

As a question,

How do we meditate on this question who am I?

Is something which is very interesting for me to always explore because there are so many different ways in which you can enter into this question and for today's session I have a couple of sutras how you can meditate on this question who am I,

How you can enter this question who am I and before you go into the meditation it's worth understanding what is this question.

So sutra number one is that this question who am I,

It's an intellectual question.

We often say it's a spiritual question,

It's not a spiritual question,

It arises in the mind,

It does not arise anywhere this question who am I,

It arises in the intellect.

It arises in the intellect,

The question belongs to the intellect but the answer is not in the intellect because the answer is not a thought.

The answer does not belong to the intellect and that's where there is this gap,

This feeling of not being able to really answer this question no matter how much scriptures you read,

No matter whatever you refer to,

You cannot answer this question on the level of intellect.

But what you can do is you can use the power of intellect,

You can use the energy of the thought to guide yourself and direct yourself towards where this answer is.

So let me repeat,

When you say who am I,

The question is arising in the intellect but the answer is not a description,

So it's not a thought,

It's not on the level of intellect,

It's somewhere deeper than that and all you can do with this question is to use this as a jumping board and look at the answer.

When I say look at the answer,

That looking is being aware of the answer,

Is being conscious of the answer.

Now words become a bit more difficult to understand.

When you are looking at the answer,

You are then the answer,

You have come to the answer.

The whole process is to raise this intellectual question so that you can really dive into your own consciousness,

You can really be in pure consciousness,

In pure being.

So sutra number one,

Remember this question who am I,

No matter whenever you have this question in your life,

It is an intellectual question,

There is no intellectual answer that will satisfy this question for a very long time.

In books we can read I am this,

I am that,

I am God,

I am this universe,

I am the body,

I am nobody,

So many different variations of these answers,

All intellectual answers,

None of them will last long.

So this question is an intellectual question.

Second sutra,

Use this question to direct your awareness,

Your consciousness towards the answer,

Towards who you really are without trying to answer this question,

Without trying to intellectually answer this question,

Use this question to go deeper in yourself and reflect on your consciousness reflecting on itself and you reaching to that state.

This meditation is very simple,

We will do this in three steps.

Step number one,

Where we will draw all our thought energy and repeat this question,

Articulate this question in our mind,

Who am I,

Who am I,

Who am I,

For some minutes,

Maybe approximately ten minutes,

We will do this with all our energy,

We will forget about everything else,

Absolutely everything else and just draw all our thought energy,

All our mind which is going here and there and going crazy,

Just let that mind energy get this loop running,

This you can call it mantra,

You can call it this loop,

You can call it concentrating your thought energy on this one question,

Who am I.

Because when you do that two things are happening,

First of all you are getting more and more concentrated,

Your distractions are not bothering you,

You are bringing your awareness,

Your thought energy to get concentrated and then secondly you are getting ready to also leave this question and jump into something that is not describable in words.

So step number one,

You will repeat this who am I,

Who am I,

Who am I at your own pace,

The pace should be such that you can leave all the distractions,

No distraction comes and enters this cycle of this mantra,

This repetition of who am I.

When you do that you will see that you will at times maybe miss the repetition,

You will maybe get carried away,

It's fine,

Come back with more conviction,

With more energy,

Just repeat in your mind who am I,

Who am I,

Who am I.

By doing this for 10 minutes you will create that space in your mind that you are ready to go to the next step.

Next step for another 10 minutes you will not repeat this question but you will just have this question in your consciousness.

So without repeating,

Without articulating,

Just having this question who am I in your consciousness by the step number one where you are repeating this,

It establishes in your consciousness and for the next 10 minutes you will hold this question in your consciousness who am I without having to verbally,

Mentally repeat it,

Keeping all your concentration,

All your consciousness and this one question who am I.

Throughout the step number one,

Step number two and what comes along,

Don't answer this question by yourself.

If things come,

If from your consciousness things rise up,

I am this,

I am that,

Let them go,

Focus,

Keep your energy on the question,

Use this question as the tool to churn more and more and more of your mind,

Put it together.

Step number two,

Have this in your consciousness and step number three,

Just leave this question and be in what is created out of it.

When you are doing this for step number one and two for 10 minutes,

10 minutes each,

Your mental energy is creating first of all your mind to get concentrated,

It's pulling all your consciousness as well to this one question and when you then leave the question,

What is left is your pure consciousness and all you have to do is stay in that for another 10 minutes.

So in total it's a 30 minutes meditation,

You can do it longer,

You can do it shorter,

Whenever you practice it elsewhere you can choose your own pace.

For today's session I would wish that we do this at least for 30 minutes and if you are not in pain we can sit longer,

Longer than 30 minutes in silence and see what arises in our consciousness and what we experience during this session.

Any questions?

If there are no questions,

Maybe one common thing which every time arises in these sessions is I find a lot of you struggling with posture,

Having pain while sitting,

If you want there is now plenty of room sit next to the wall with your back touching the wall but not your head that way you will have enough support for your back to rest.

The only thing that you shouldn't do is to put your head on the wall,

The moment you do that you might doze off and you might fall asleep.

So it's easier to just give your body rest next to the wall to allow yourself to be in this silence for the next minutes,

To let your body go,

To let your mind be completely concentrated on this question,

Who am I on this meditation and see where this leads you.

Close your eyes.

Nice deep breath inhale from the nose and exhale from the mouth.

Another deep breath in inhale from the nose,

Exhale from the nose.

Keep your back straight,

Shoulders down and relaxed.

Body posture.

Eyes in your lap or on your thighs.

Allow your body to settle.

Allow yourself to release.

Allow your breath to settle,

Gently flowing in and out.

Let your breath settle,

Gently flowing in and out.

Become aware of your mind.

Just notice thoughts,

Feelings,

Whatever is going on in your mind right now.

Now in your mind ask yourself this question,

Who am I?

Slowly let this become a repetition in your mind.

Who am I?

At your own pace,

Repeat this question.

Involve all the energy of your mind.

Just this one question,

Who am I?

Keep on repeating until I give you the signal to move on.

To move on.

Now in your mind,

Repeat this question.

Now in your mind,

Repeat this question.

Hold the energy from everywhere.

Keep on repeating,

Who am I?

Keep on repeating.

Let the inner voice become louder,

Who am I?

Who am I?

Who am I?

You only hear this question,

See this question,

Repeat this question.

Who am I?

Who am I?

Who am I?

Who am I?

Who am I?

Only one question,

Who am I?

Who am I?

Who am I?

Who am I?

Keep on repeating.

Keep on repeating.

Stop the repetition.

Keep this question in your mind,

Who am I?

Just concentrate all your energy to this one question,

Who am I?

Keep on repeating.

No repetition,

No articulation.

Only this question in your mind,

In your consciousness,

Who am I?

Keep on repeating.

100% concentration on this one question.

Who am I?

Who am I?

Who am I?

Who am I?

Who am I?

Stay with the question,

Who am I?

Who am I?

Who am I?

Stay with the question.

Who am I?

Now leave this question.

Just sit in the silence with awareness.

No questions,

No answers.

Let yourself go deeper in this silence.

Stay with the question.

Let go of your body.

Let go of your body.

Let go of your body.

Remain absolutely still.

Silent and aware.

Let go of your body.

Your mind is at rest.

No questions,

No answers.

Just sit here silently.

Notice your breath.

Notice your breath.

Flowing in and out gently.

Remain aware of your breath.

And this awareness.

Notice the silence in the room.

Noises outside.

Anything and everything that comes to your awareness.

You may choose to spend the next minutes in this silent awareness.

Or you may gently open your eyes and move your body.

Noises outside.

Noises outside.

Noises outside.

Noises outside.

And very gently and slowly,

You may open your eyes or keep them closed.

Just reflect back on your experience,

What went through your consciousness,

How you felt in the last minutes,

How you're feeling right now.

Give yourself a moment to absorb,

To reflect,

And come out of this experience.

Stretch your legs.

Noises outside.

Noises outside.

After this question of who am I,

There are no questions which can top them up.

There are no questions which are left usually,

But if there is still something from this session that you would like to ask,

That you would like to clarify how to do this at home,

What you felt,

Anything.

If there is something to share,

Or we sit for another few minutes.

In my experience,

I felt that being a very difficult and not really focused,

I understood why,

Because I was doing the question in English,

But then I found it easier to do it in my own language.

So then I could better understand and really focus better.

I feel like the language is also important in the way that we connect with ourselves.

Absolutely,

Absolutely.

Language is super important in these repetitions.

We have done in the past similar repetitions,

Or we used phrases where it matters if you are repeating them or visualizing them in your own language or in a foreign language.

To a certain point,

And after that,

What matters more is your involvement and the repetition much more than the language of the question.

If you see the entire science of mantra chanting,

If I give you a mantra which is right now in Sanskrit,

It would not mean anything to you,

Right?

But still,

The repetition of it,

Still the vibration of it,

Still the process of it,

It takes you somewhere.

And I think that is still worth.

But yes,

When you practice this,

Do use your language.

I believe Spanish or Portuguese.

Sorry about that.

Is there a specific reason why?

Do the repetition of whatever?

It just occurs to me that it could be like a drug where we have flow of consciousness and then this interrupts that flow of consciousness again and again.

It's similar as opposed to who am I,

Who am I,

Who am I,

Maybe in a slower repetition.

If we have that as a central thought and as the things come into our head,

We drop in who am I.

It's just an idea.

That's another variation,

How you could do that.

So if I understood you correctly,

You're saying you bring in a drop in the ocean or in still water,

It falls,

Who am I,

And you let the vibrations settle.

The waterfall of thoughts that come through our head,

We come into the meditation first,

And so this is the waterfall is here and this comes in and cuts the waterfall.

As opposed to constantly giving the impulse,

Who am I,

Who am I,

Who am I.

If you can do that,

If in your experience that works better that way than repetition,

Repetition is again to substitute everything else that is going on in the mind.

So it works in two ways.

One is that you really,

It substitutes every thought,

Every distraction,

Everything and then you remain looped into the process.

If you can have your awareness so much concentrated that even once this asks this question and this cuts through your thoughts,

Brilliant,

I mean do that.

In fact,

There was the step two of the process where after the repetition,

You leave the repetition and you just be with this question.

So the climax is to be with this question.

How you reach there through repetition,

Through any other way is up to you.

But if you can be with this question uninterrupted,

This is called dharana in Sanskrit.

Dharana comes from the word dharah.

Dharah is the flow,

Uninterrupted flow towards something and when you can maintain that flow towards this one question or this any thought,

It becomes very powerful.

And it starts amplifying in its power so much that it takes you somewhere.

And in this case,

When you use this for the question,

Who am I,

It first of all gives away the way for everything else and just leaves you with this question.

And then the space that it creates for you is where you need to just then be in and leave the question as well.

And that's the whole purpose of going that path towards who am I and being in that space because the answer to who am I,

The experience of who am I is in that empty space,

Is not in the question.

But yes,

Try to change and adapt the technique according to your own thought process and what fits best to you.

What I brought in is applicable generally to different minds.

I understand because if people have difficulty,

It can be challenging to,

It may be easier to have that as the flow of consciousness than who am I,

Who am I.

I'm thinking of using less words as we have discussed and so less words is less repetition of the same but that one repetition,

That one thing is what cuts through everything.

That much power to put behind one thought is not easy for everyone to achieve and that's why it's easier to build that up by repeating.

No more questions,

Thanks to you as well.

Thanks to all of you to join me in this session,

I hope there was something in it for you and just one small announcement,

Next week there is no session.

We will see each other one week later.

Namaste.