The Power of Emotional Connection in Your Love Relationship | The Wisdom Podcast | Season 1 Episode 2

The Wisdom Podcast is birthed out of the Wisdom Blog,

A digital healing hub of inspired consciousness,

Sacred wisdom,

And the divine teachings of authentic power,

Living one's truth and spiritual,

Or as we call it,

Unconditional love.

Many of the topics that we cover arise out of my work with clients who have chosen to live their life from a place of self-honesty and truth,

And in doing so,

They quite naturally began the journey inward,

Recognizing their authentic self and their capacity for being love and choosing to live as this in all moments.

This is what makes it possible to experience authentic happiness easily.

Each episode offers divinely inspired teachings and insight that will show you how to live consciously aware,

To access your inner wisdom,

And to help you make the best choices towards living a limitless potential.

Join me for consciously inspired truth,

Divine wisdom,

And new thought paradigms for living an infinitely abundant and love-filled life here and now.

So welcome,

And in this episode of the Wisdom Podcast,

I share with you the four ways that emotional connection and intimacy are built,

And how to rebuild your connection and intimacy in your existing love relationship.

And I'm also going to share the real life story of my client,

Megan,

Who thought that the connection and intimacy that she felt was mutual until she got to know her partner,

Danny,

Better.

I hope one of the takeaways from this podcast is for you to truly know the importance of emotional connection and for you to be willing to develop it if it does not exist and to have some ideas for how to deepen the connection that you feel with your partner.

One of the most important elements in determining the longevity of a mutually loving and healthy relationship is a degree to which both members of a couple feel emotional intimacy and connection.

There are,

Of course,

Other factors that are also important,

But what is most needed and what holds a love relationship together?

Think of it as the energetic glue,

If you will.

What holds a love relationship together through life's challenging moments,

Allowing a couple to feel an intimate and special closeness and the desire to remain faithful and committed to one another and to continue to learn about each other is a depth of emotional intimacy and connection that is both cultivated and sustained throughout the course of the relationship.

How do you build emotional connection and intimacy?

Well,

There are four primary ways,

Four most important ways I'm going to share with you right now.

The first,

Authenticity.

This is being honest and truthful about who you are and being willing to reveal your personality,

All of it,

Including your likes and dislikes,

What you think about and believe in and the values that you hold.

You want to have both members of a couple being authentic,

Being their true self,

Because how can you truly know someone?

How can you feel that incredible closeness and connection unless you know the real person and to know them well?

The second is vulnerability,

Your willingness to reveal personal and intimate aspects of yourself as you feel safe to do so.

And that would not likely be things that you would share with the rest of the world,

Including admitting your faults and wrongdoings and being willing to apologize and make things right when you have hurt someone,

Including your partner.

The third way to build emotional connection and intimacy is through mutual respect.

I can't stress how important this one is.

Be willing to uphold and maintain respect and kindness towards your partner,

Even when you both may be in the throes of an argument,

Because you can destroy so much of the closeness and vulnerability that comes from opening yourself and sharing deeply when you are not respectful nor kind,

Or if you are at times purposefully hurtful or vindictive.

And finally,

The fourth most important criteria for building emotional connection and intimacy,

Unconditional love.

Yes,

Be love,

Purely,

Completely,

And without conditions or expectations.

Emotional connection in a love relationship is built on the intimate sharing of who you are,

The personal details of your life,

Past and present,

Your future dreams and aspirations,

And who you still desire to be.

Connection and intimacy is cultivated out of your discerned liking and love of someone.

Your genuine interest and desire to learn and know more about the other person,

And to willingly reveal your whole self with complete honesty and openness.

The most unique and powerful aspect about curating emotional connection is in how it actually happens.

True authentic emotional connection is a mutual willingness of both people to reveal their truth.

So if one person in the relationship is honest and forthcoming,

And if the other holds back information for any number of reasons,

Whether shame,

Feeling exposed,

Or if they are feeling emotionally vulnerable in admitting past behaviors or circumstances,

An emotional connection based on authenticity and vulnerability is not mutually experienced nor built.

And we'll talk about this a little bit more as I introduce you to my client Megan and her boyfriend,

Danny.

Sadly,

The person who is holding back from sharing their true self never gets to feel the unconditional acceptance and love from their partner for who they truly are,

Regardless of their past or any aspects of who they presently are that they may be struggling with.

The partner that is not given full disclosure is not able to completely know the other member of the couple.

If these missing details are revealed at some later point or revealed by another person,

It may feel like a betrayal of trust,

Since the initial discovery period that has occurred when a couple are getting to know one another has since passed.

Something that is related and may be of interest to you,

It is in being vulnerable and wholly honest with yourself first that allows you to become more aware of what you may be in denial or avoidance of.

The deepest aspects of yourself that you are able to reveal to your partner are often the aspects that need to be healed from your past.

In the early stages of dating,

When you like someone and you want to appear favorable in their eyes,

It's natural to want to show them the parts of you that you want them to see.

The deeper emotional connection that you establish will be built on your mutual ability to be vulnerable,

To reveal all of yourself even in moments when you are not at your best,

And to consistently offer unconditional love,

Respect,

And kindness to your partner.

You must speak up if their behavior is undesirable or unkind,

But you can do so with love respectfully.

This allows you to feel safe,

To be secure in the commitment of your relationship,

And to strengthen your belief in your worthiness of being loved.

The more that you come to know another person and like what you discover,

The stronger your feelings towards them become.

An emotional connection is a deep and mutual bond,

An intimate closeness between two people that is sacred.

It is derived out of a mutual desire for care,

Compassion,

Physical and intellectual attraction,

And the desire for deepening and sustaining this feeling of connection.

One assumption that you might hold about love is that if you are in love with someone,

Then you have automatically developed an emotional connection with them.

This is not entirely so.

Some couples discover only after a significant time of being in a relationship that their level of emotional intimacy and connection is weak,

If at all present.

This is because they may have built their relationship on a foundation of sexual chemistry and a physical or sexual relationship,

Or of choosing a partner as a companion out of insecurity and not wanting to be alone.

For some couples,

The perfunctory next stage of their relationship entailed making a long-term or life commitment,

Perhaps without fully acknowledging that their partner was not really the best choice for them.

Without knowing someone intimately,

Through a depth of honesty and candid conversation and shared time together,

Experiencing how each other thinks and reacts in a variety of settings,

And without mutual honesty in revealing all of oneself,

There simply isn't enough information to make a fully informed and confident decision in mate selection,

Nor to have true emotional connection and intimacy.

It may not be appropriate at the beginning or the outset of the relationship,

As you are getting to know another person,

To share everything.

So you are going to share,

But it's done in a way in such that you are getting to know one another over a period of time,

And as you feel more comfortable and more safe,

You can then reveal more about yourself.

I actually have two questions for you at this point that I'd love for you to ask yourself,

Which determine how you view emotional connection and whether you have this in your current love relationship.

So answering these as honest as possible,

Of course.

The first question,

What are the ways in which I feel closeness,

Connection,

And intimacy with this person?

And just to add some suggestions here for you,

You're going to be writing about all of the ways in which you feel connected and close and intimate.

It could be just having the comfortable silence in the room as you're both sitting on the couch and reading separate novels,

Or it could be in the way in which you speak to each other,

That you feel special closeness and bond.

And the second question,

What are the ways in which this person allows me to feel closeness,

Connection,

And intimacy with them?

Here of course,

We're getting at whether your partner is allowing you in and sharing of themselves with you.

This is something that I know you'll want to have clarification on.

Having a strong emotional connection is not the same as sexual chemistry or physical attraction.

In fact,

One of the most powerful ways to ensure that what you are building is an emotional connection is to wait for a time before having sex.

By focusing on developing emotional intimacy and connection,

You are investing in knowing your potential partner well before deciding if they are someone that you want to be in relationship with.

With compatibility that comes from knowing each other intimately,

Including the values and life goals and dreams that you both have,

Then as a natural progression to the relationship that you have decided to pursue with open eyes,

The sexual chemistry intention that is present and building will only enhance the relationship.

When couples have sex early in their relationship and long before they can claim that they really know each other well,

The emotional connection that they begin to experience is based largely on the physical intimacy of sex.

You can develop feelings for and the start of an emotional connection to someone that you don't know very well as a result of the sexual relationship and then discover at a much later time that you are not wholly compatible,

Except that now you have already begun a relationship.

Many who find themselves here are likely to continue in the relationship despite realizing that there are issues that they weren't aware of because they didn't know the person well enough before beginning the relationship.

Contrary to what many hope,

Great sex does not guarantee the longevity and compatibility of a love relationship.

So the idea here is to develop that connection and bond with someone as you get to know them and as you like them more and more and as more of your beliefs,

Values are aligned with each other.

And then as you both feel that growing sexual attraction,

When you do have sex,

It's going to be amazing because you already have the groundwork.

You already know the person well,

You like them and you already feel an emotional connection with them.

That just makes the sex so much better.

When you establish an emotional connection with someone based on knowing them for who they are,

The sexual part of the relationship,

As I just mentioned,

Evolves naturally,

Easily.

And in fact,

As we said,

Is far better because the more you care about the person that you are with,

The stronger your emotional connection and therefore the more intensely positive and adoring feelings that you experience for your partner during sex.

Emotional intimacy and closeness that has been established before sex is the important foundation in which to sustain connection,

Physical affection and the deeper feelings of love that continue to develop with the sexual relationship.

So next I want to share with you this real life client example that illustrates how imperative and powerful authenticity,

Vulnerability,

Mutual respect and unconditional love these four most important criteria are in nurturing and sustaining emotional connection in a relationship.

And so I'm going to share with you the story here of Megan and Danny.

Megan knew her answer even before asking the question.

She knew that she needed to break up with Danny.

What made her decision so difficult was the fact that Megan continued to remind herself of the emotional support and encouragement Danny gave her during a time in which they were first friends.

When Megan went overseas to study for a year and contracted a debilitating physical illness,

Danny while thousands of miles away became her confidant and lifeline.

His constant encouragement of her and of her studies was so helpful to Megan and their friendship slowly grew into a long distance love relationship.

We need others to love us.

We also need to rely on ourselves for the greatest and most reliable form of love experienced as the belief that we are capable and can thrive in the world of our own merit.

It was almost one year after returning home from her studies in Asia.

Megan was doing her best to make a life for herself independently despite continuing to struggle with her physical limitations and chronic pain.

In a recent therapy session,

Megan was contemplating what she should do about her relationship with Danny.

She asked for my help to better understand the reasons for why she no longer felt the same feelings of closeness,

Connection and love towards him.

Emotional connections are the deep bonds that provide the unspoken and sacred ties which uphold our relationship and reinforce our commitment to one another.

Particularly during times of conflict,

Sudden or unwanted life changes,

Illness or a prolonged period of emotional or physical stress.

Since returning home,

Megan noticed that Danny was very preoccupied with his own life.

He would meet a group of friends after work and would often be at the bar drinking and playing pool until late,

Several nights a week.

He appeared uncertain about the next steps of his career and she noticed that he seemed unfocused and unmotivated.

This behavior seemed different than what she had remembered during the time that they had spent together in Asia when Danny took a month off of work to be with Megan.

Now Megan was seeing perhaps a more legitimate and honest side to her boyfriend.

Danny seemed less eager to work towards the goals he once described and appeared to have a jaded and rather negative outlook on his life.

Danny also seemed to be unable to give Megan the same emotional support and encouragement that he had previously.

Having to modify her routine and work life because of her body's need for rest and for its low tolerance to pain meant that many of the simple activities that Megan loved to do were now very difficult.

Going to a concert or walking through a museum was still too exhausting to attempt.

Megan explained to Danny that she still needed to build up her stamina,

Take many rest breaks and could not walk or stand for long periods.

Danny who initially was willing to be accommodating of Megan's limitations now reminded her that he was making many sacrifices as her boyfriend since they could not go on outings like most normal couples.

And Megan felt an overwhelming sense of guilt and sadness in addition to feeling anger and intolerance toward her body.

Emotional connection and support is expressed most readily through loving words,

Understanding,

Patience and thoughtfulness.

Talking through her thoughts and feelings in our session gave Megan a place to deliberate and process the confusion and guilt she was feeling.

How could she possibly break up with Danny when he had been such a caring friend and then boyfriend throughout her initial diagnosis and the chronic illness that she now suffered?

Confusing to Megan was how,

For almost the entire year that she had been back home,

Danny seemed unsympathetic to her ongoing health challenges and in fact continued to remind her of how lucky she was that he was so understanding.

Danny even told Megan that her physical limitations would make it difficult for other men to accept being in relationship with her.

In the end,

The deciding factor for Megan in ending her relationship was the lack of emotional connection that she felt and which seemed evident from Danny's treatment of her.

While Danny was preoccupied with his own life,

He was also very draining on Megan emotionally.

His insecurities and negativity was the predominant focus of their conversations and Megan found herself in a place of being the impossible cheerleader to his negative attitude and self-doubt.

It was something that she began to feel a growing resentment for since Danny appeared insensitive and uninterested in hearing about her physical progress and the improvements,

Although small,

That Megan was making in regaining her health.

Despite her efforts to explain how she felt when Danny was sarcastic or unsympathetic,

Danny hadn't made any positive changes,

Nor was he kinder.

Megan began to realize that there was no existing emotional connection and that the care,

Support and encouragement that she initially experienced with Danny in their distanced relationship was tempera and perhaps not truly sincere since Danny showed Megan a side of him initially that was not truly representative of all of who he was.

All healthy love relationships weather periods of imbalance.

It is natural during periods of stress,

Illness or injury where one member of the couple will rely more heavily on the other for emotional support.

It's often unspoken but understood that one partner may,

For a time,

Take on a larger role of providing emotional support and care.

But what keeps a relationship emotionally healthy and a couple united in their love and connection is the mutual effort of both people to uphold and nurture ongoing love,

Support and emotional connection.

Even when one member of a couple is relying heavily on the other for emotional support for a time,

It is important and necessary that they both do their best to continue to give back,

To make an effort to reciprocate love,

Caring and respect and to offer sincere emotional support.

Danny's inability to consistently be supportive and accepting of Megan's physical limitations saddened her.

She also got to see a side of Danny that she had not known during their distance relationship.

His deeply rooted insecurities made it difficult for him to provide emotional support for Megan and he could often be dismissive and uncaring in his words and actions.

Talking through her feelings of loyalty to Danny for his kindness and caring at the outset of their friendship helped Megan make a decision that was already weighing heavily in her heart.

She realized that the loyalty that she felt towards Danny and which kept her in the relationship even while she was unhappy came from reminiscing about the support and care that he once showed her.

If you have made the decision to end a love relationship,

You can be grateful to that person for their care and kindness at a particular time in your life and you can also recognize that it is important for you to be in a relationship where there exists a strong emotional connection,

Closeness and emotional intimacy.

I'm going to leave you with this thought.

Consider any of the relationships of your past where you have given far too much of yourself at the cost of ignoring your own sense of self.

Perhaps you remained in a relationship far longer than would be deemed healthy or helpful out of feeling guilt or fear among other limiting emotions and that maybe you wouldn't find someone better.

That maybe you had to put up with the parts of the relationship that were unhealthy because you believed that you may never find someone who had much more of what you wanted or maybe you continued to hope and wish that your partner would eventually become better at this thing called emotional connection.

And finally,

A loving end note.

Regardless of how long you've been in a relationship with someone,

The emotional connection must continue to be nurtured and coveted as sacred.

Sexual intimacy and physical affection can definitely help to keep an emotional connection strong,

But it is also important that a couple be intimate in their sharing of thoughts and feelings,

In working together on their life plans and goals,

And of course in who each is becoming.

All names have been changed to maintain the confidentiality of clients.

Mental details or circumstances may have been altered in order to ensure the utmost privacy.

Namaste.

Thank you so much for joining me in this episode of the Wisdom Podcast.

To hear more,

Please check out the other episodes here.

And then join me at DorothyRetusne.

Com where you can share your questions and feedback from this or any episode with me.

And where you'll also find the Wisdom Blog,

The inspiration for this podcast,

The latest online courses that I teach,

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An extensive library of free guided meditations for you to experience and enjoy,

Plus other special offerings of love.

Please also visit me on social media and say hello.

Allow yourself to go within,

To access your inner wisdom and to live this.

Awaken your authentic power,

Live your truth,

And be loved.

This is Dorothy.

Namaste.

Namaste.