Finding Political Happiness

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast.

I'm Dr.

Robert Puff.

Over the now nearly 200 episodes,

I've talked a lot about how to find happiness no matter what's going on in our lives.

And in our lives,

A lot of things can happen.

Sometimes we have to face illnesses.

Other times we have to face breakups.

Sometimes we have to face homelessness or really tough economic times.

But what I haven't touched thus far is politics.

Because sometimes the politics of our nation that we live in can be quite tumultuous.

And during these times,

It can be hard to find happiness.

So I want to do that today because I get a lot of emails and notes from people asking on how they can find happiness with all that's going on in the world today.

For example,

I live here in the US and over the past few years there's been a lot of political debate and antagonism towards people,

Even family members,

If they disagree on who they support or what they believe in.

I bet most of us can think of someone we know,

Perhaps even a family member,

That won't talk to a dear friend or another family member because they hold a different position politically.

And if we talk to them,

They really believe that they have a right not to speak to that other person because they feel the other person's opinions are so heinous and awful.

One of my best friends has a brother and sister who literally won't talk to each other at all because they have different political points of view.

So with all this political turmoil in the world that we do have to face throughout our lives,

Is it possible to truly be happy with things going on in the world that are so,

For many of us,

Upsetting?

I really believe it is.

Over the years,

Three things have been helpful for me in regards to learning to respect other people,

Even if I disagree with them.

When I was doing my residency at the VA hospital in Sepulveda,

California,

I had the opportunity for one year to do the intake on every person that was admitted to the psych ward.

And during these intakes,

I really got to find out what their story was,

How they got to where they're at,

And what they believed were the reasons of getting there.

And what I found was,

Which surprised me,

That though they had done things that you and I would consider truly heinous,

They had reasons for why their lives had turned out the way they did.

And in their minds,

Though they were struggling,

They felt it helped explain how they ended up to where they were at.

And it wasn't that I agreed with them.

No,

That wasn't the case.

But what I did is,

I began to understand,

Okay,

People that do things that the whole world would see as horrible have reasons for why they do it.

And though we,

Or even they,

May not agree with their actions,

But there are reasons for their actions.

Perhaps a very awful childhood.

Perhaps in this case,

Because I was at the VA hospital,

Horrible war experiences.

Or perhaps they just had a lot of anger inside of them and felt they were treated unjustly and wanted to be unjust back.

You know,

The concept,

An eye for an eye.

We may not agree with it,

But a lot of people hold that concept.

And these weren't unintelligent people.

They just had different ideas.

They had come up with different conclusions than I had and probably you would have.

But they had conclusions.

They had ideas.

They had rules that they were living by.

And again,

We may not have liked those rules,

But they are rules that they live by.

And they were human beings in many ways trying to do their best.

Yes,

They could do better.

They were trying to do better.

But at that time,

Given what had happened to them,

They were in many situations truly trying to do their best.

And I would wonder sometimes,

Would I be that different than them if I had gone through what they had gone through?

I don't know.

But I did learn that I could like them even though they had done and were doing things that I did not agree with at all.

They were still human beings trying their best.

And though I didn't agree with what they were doing,

I could still get to know their hearts and realize that there was a human being inside there.

And it wasn't just this monster that so often we create when people do really awful crimes.

Well,

Then when I went to university,

I had a fairly traditional upbringing,

I would say.

Somewhat conservative.

My mother stayed home and my father worked.

And I had been raised with those values.

Well,

I wanted to learn.

I wanted to grow.

So there was an organization,

A woman's organization,

And the president of the organization for the women's movement at my university.

She agreed to have lunch with me.

And we had lunch probably about eight times.

And we just sat and talked.

And she helped me understand from her perspective what they were teaching,

What she felt was the pros and cons of being supportive of both sexes and not just male,

More of a male-dominated society.

She felt there should be more equality.

And it was really helpful for me because she knew I was just there to learn,

To see her point of view.

And she was very good about just sharing that with me.

And I asked good questions.

And I learned.

And I grew.

And I really changed my point of view on equality.

But in that environment,

During that conversation,

It was very easy for me because it wasn't antagonistic.

It wasn't accusatory.

It was just a conversation.

And the two of us were able to discuss our points of view.

I shared her mind,

My concerns.

She shared me hers.

And I grew.

And I learned.

And I think she may have learned some things from me too because I wasn't accusatory.

I wasn't trying to be in any way attacking.

I just shared what I knew from my upbringing and background.

And she shared different points of view.

And I learned.

And she may have learned some things too.

It really helped me in my life,

In my journey.

And then thirdly,

I've had the opportunity and the blessing to travel to many places around the world,

Places that have a very different background,

A different perspective on the world.

And doing that has been so illuminating to me in regards to different people's beliefs,

Different people's opinions,

And how they see the world so differently than they do here in the U.

S.

It's been so helpful for me to see the world from different perspectives and not just a U.

S.

Perspective.

So all those things have been helpful for me in my journey in life.

But if you listen to the overarching theme,

What's there is listening,

Asking questions,

Exploring,

Just really trying to understand the other person's point of view and working really hard and not necessarily just judging them or thinking they're stupid or trying to argue your point loudly over theirs.

People have different points of view.

We have different experiences in our lives that shape us,

That shape the way we value things.

And the other person,

Because they see things differently,

Isn't stupid.

They may not even be wrong.

They could be right and we could be wrong.

We don't always know.

Of course we're going to hold to our values.

That's not what I'm talking about.

But what I am talking about is listening,

Is trying to be respectful of people even when we disagree with them.

And I know we can be very passionate about our points of view because we believe the other person's point of view may be doing harm to others and maybe destroying our planet.

On and on it can go as far as what we believe and the consequences that the other person believes and how they could be doing harm to others or our own selves.

But I still think in those situations we can be respectful,

We can talk,

We can really try to understand the other person's point of view,

And then at some point we say we agree to disagree.

And we may even do things that put them in jail because we feel that's the right thing to do because they're breaking the law.

But if you've lived long enough you know that laws can change.

And sometimes people that we feel today are beautiful souls spent time in jail,

Like Mahatma Gandhi or Martin Luther King.

Both beautiful souls but they spent a lot of time in jail.

So let's talk about now how we can be happy when there is political turmoil in our lives.

Well the first thing I hope we've agreed to now that we're going to be respectful of our family and friends that have different points of view.

If we want to talk to them we can,

But let's do it in a respectful way.

And if we know we disagree then perhaps we can choose not to bring up political conversations with them because we know they have a point of view.

And let's be respectful.

We may not agree with it,

But they have a right to their opinions,

We have a right to ours,

And even though we may think they're absolutely wrong in what they're doing,

Then perhaps it's best just to put that stuff aside and focus on the relationships that we do have with them.

Because they're our friends and they're our family and if they're truly not hurting us,

Even though we disagree with what they're doing and what they're believing or what they're backing,

We should love them and find kindness in our hearts towards them.

And sometimes because we do care for them we may say,

I actually don't want to talk about that.

I think we get upset when we do,

So let's choose to not talk about that topic.

I think often that can be a great way to address things.

But if we do decide to have that conversation,

Let's really explore and listen to their point of view and then ask them to do the same.

And then that I think opens up dialogue.

At least we'll better understand their perspective.

Sometimes we have a tendency when people differ from us to think they're stupid.

Avoid that thing.

What I've learned over the years,

There are very smart people in the world that have very different points of view than I do.

It isn't smart.

It has to do with upbringing,

Background experiences.

There's so many different things that shape us.

But unless we've had the same experiences as the person we're talking to,

We don't necessarily know how they ended up with their perspective.

Our experiences clearly shape us.

So instead of judging them,

We can agree to disagree.

And not having turmoil with people in our lives,

Particularly people that we love and that we care for,

Is going to help us to find happiness and peace in our hearts.

It isn't that we can't still hold our stance strongly.

We just do it in a way that isn't going to necessarily cause suffering or at least harshness towards others.

We can be strong in what we believe,

And we can do many things to make sure that our beliefs are upheld in the courts and the political campaigns.

But ultimately,

We do want to treat people with respect,

Even when we completely disagree with them.

But there's another thing I believe that causes a lot of suffering when there's political turmoil in the air,

And that's our exposure to this turmoil.

I mean,

There's different options we have for dealing with political unrest.

We can spend all day listening to the news,

Getting in our phones,

Reading apps,

Talking to people.

We can just inundate ourselves with all the political unrest that's going on in our world at that time.

And I will guarantee you,

You're not going to find happiness and peace if you do that.

And we have a tendency to do that.

We're almost like we're addicted to the chaos and the news in the world.

We've got to know all the bad things that are happening.

And it can really affect us.

So,

Of course we want to be informed.

But being informed can often be a few minutes every day of keeping abreast of truly what's happening in our political world,

Knowing,

And then living our lives.

Mostly to find happiness and peace,

We are informed,

But mostly we're focused on living our lives well.

We're not ruminating over the things that are happening in the political world.

Instead,

We're doing things like being in nature,

Meditating,

Listening to uplifting podcasts,

TV shows,

Television,

Instead of inundating ourselves with negative news.

We are going to be fed by what we listen to.

So if we expose ourselves to negativity,

Political unrest all day long,

There's no way we cannot but end up feeling upset.

If instead we choose to be informed,

Be proactive where we need to be,

But mostly live our lives,

Then we're going to find happiness no matter what's going on in our world.

True peace,

True happiness takes work.

It takes effort.

We have to do certain things in order to make sure that our hearts are finding those places where they can rest,

Where they can be at peace,

And where they can find that we are rejuvenating our hearts to get them in the place that life is going well.

If we inundate ourselves with something that is causing us distress,

And we can't do anything about it but be irritated,

That is wasted energy,

And that is a path of suffering.

So it's very simple.

Ask yourself,

Right now,

Is there anything that I can do to make the world a better place given my perspectives on what's happening in the political world?

If there is,

Then do that.

But if there isn't,

Then live life.

And what we'll find is,

Unless we're really called to be in the political world,

What we'll find is that there's a lot of time to live,

Even with turmoil happening in our world.

And even if we're called to be a political activist,

This is still important.

Treating people with respect will get heard better then.

And making sure there's a lot of time to rest our hearts,

To find peace in the present moment,

And not be caught up in all our waking time in the political turmoil.

Because again,

If we can't do anything about it right now,

Actively do something,

Then we need to just live.

And we have to have a lot of living to make our lives go well.

We can all have beautiful lives,

No matter what,

No matter what's happening in our world,

Our political world.

We just have to work at it.

We have to make it our priority.

And if we do that,

We will find peace and happiness.

Thank you for joining me on the Happiness Podcast.

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And until next time,

Accept what is,

Love what is.