Self Inquiry 2 - Understanding The Stages Of Self Inquiry

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Org Could you manage?

Were you aware?

Which part was difficult?

So first I'm aware of the body.

The attention is outside.

The attention is outside.

The direction is outside because I'm observing the body.

Then I'm observing the breath.

Some pain came up.

I'm observing that and moving and shifting.

I'm aware of that.

Yeah,

Then some thought came in the mind about the day about office something she said at home something came up.

Yes,

This is also attention is still outwards.

Then what was the next step?

The one who was observing you start observing that.

I put it into meditation.

This is not even done with meditation with eyes open.

You're observing me.

Who is your object?

You it has the object who's the subject.

Are you aware of the object right now?

Yes.

Are you aware of the process of seeing the object?

Yeah,

Forget about all the other four senses only seeing are you aware of seeing now you aware of the one seeing Very amazing.

It's a totally different world.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So you became aware of awareness.

You got there fantastic.

Are you getting it?

See you are now listening to both of us talking.

Yeah.

Are you aware that you're listening?

That is awareness being aware of awareness just got into the door and you came out.

Why because the attention is totally on Ekta the attention is totally on this conversation.

Now at the same time you can be aware of the way you are sitting like this and listening to Ekta and he's saying yeah.

Are you aware that you are blinking and you're shaking your head?

Are you getting it?

Ek second kele.

It comes for a second.

It goes away,

But it comes.

Yes.

Yeah.

So with eyes open,

You're supposed to do this ask yourself the question.

Am I aware?

Yes.

So see the yes came after a period what happened in between thinking.

You're observing there's an inner quest.

You're not thinking there's no words in that you were looking correct.

Something had turned inside and was looking am I aware?

Yeah.

Yeah.

For a second something stopped.

What was that something that stops tell me.

Something stops.

The mind stops for a second.

It sees us for a second awareness arises.

Yeah,

I'm aware and then the mind comes back and says,

Yes,

I'm over.

I getting this very very clearly.

Yeah,

You are looking at an object.

This is just an object of seeing the process of seeing is happening in between the subject and the object.

Now,

Are you aware of the subject?

Yeah,

That's only stage one.

There are more stages to come.

Yeah,

Just stage one is recognizing the difference between awareness and the objects of awareness.

Now,

Have you reached stage one at least you got the glimpse right now you can go there go for a second even if it is one second.

Become aware of your own self.

Are you aware?

Yeah now become aware of the one who is trying to listen to it right now.

There must be some thoughts also going on but there is a witnessing consciousness behind that quiet awareness behind you aware of that.

You can't hold it.

I know that it's just the beginning but I need each one of you to get a glimpse at least before I move ahead.

Are you getting a glimpse of it?

Yeah,

So are you aware at the same time of the subject and the object and the process of seeing or hearing whatever is happening?

Can you maintain that awareness?

I know it's slipping you're coming back.

It's slipping you're coming back,

But at least you're coming back aware of something inside is like for sitting on this thing and just being aware of that one mind stops and like it takes the lag that part.

Yes,

Like going back to reality again.

Yes.

So first because I keep telling you ask yourself the question am I aware your mind repeats it inside.

Or you repeat it to yourself whatever it was said in the last sentence to be aware and the mind repeats.

It's a little lost.

It's looking looking looking looking looking suddenly stops.

The awareness arises which is the answer then the mind says yes,

I'm aware.

I noticing that for the awareness to arise for a second the mind stops.

There's a quietness then you know,

You're aware and then you say yes and the moment you say yes,

It's gone.

Correct.

But it's interesting especially to be aware of sensation and you know of yourself just sensation is also the mind.

What is the mind tell me?

Thoughts sensations perceptions perception perception means what?

Feelings.

No,

Whatever you are perceiving you can perceive this data a room of people you're perceiving this you're perceiving words falling onto your ears whatever you are perceiving.

Yeah data collection whatever you are perceiving from this surrounding right now.

Yeah,

That is the perception that is also happening at which level?

Mind.

What is awareness doing then what is happening at the awareness level?

There is absolute nothing there at least you reach that understanding there's nothing there.

She's saying just pure awareness not the mind not the body.

Yeah right now you're talking to me.

Yeah,

You're observing this is the object.

That is the subject and the process of seeing is happening forget all the hearing other touch everything we forget only seeing.

Only seeing.

Yeah,

Are you observing the one who is seeing?

Are you observing the thoughts of the one who is seeing are you observing the body and the head nodding are you observing the observer?

What is the quality of this observer?

What is the quality of the awareness?

It's gone like a flash of light.

Okay,

It's nothing what is.

It's still nothing then it's also it's everything it's all.

It's too much theory right now only experience.

Okay,

Ramana Maharishi is going to wash out all your theory no theory only experience what you are experiencing right now.

What did you experience in that one moment when the mind stopped?

Quietness so nothingness quietness.

Okay,

Yeah.

What is the nature of awareness?

It was your identity that was only when you feel that nothingness.

That one glimpse that's beautiful.

So in that moment,

There is no I but it's difficult because you just were in that moment for a split of a second and came out.

Yeah,

But what do you identify as I mostly I think this is I think I is you think I is the body I self is a belief.

I'm trying to separate out belief from real experience.

I letting it it's going to be a hard session.

I ready.

Yeah,

You have to uproot your belief.

I am self have you seen the self?

You've read it you've heard somebody else say it because you said so I believe so I believe so that's what I'm saying.

Yeah is belief equal to experience can we put belief in the parking lot?

It's of no use because it is not my experience is this becoming clear then you are walking Ramana muharshi's path then only will you understand he is talking about hard core experience only not belief not because somebody else says so but only because I can experience it right now.

So far very clear.

Okay.

So now what we did were two stages stage one you recognize the difference between object and subject.

What was the object body breath mind what were the mind objects thoughts feelings okay perceptions sensations whatever everything emotions everything is mind object why because my attention is outward is this very clear.

So what is stage one recognizing the difference between the subject and the object?

What is the subject?

Don't use that word again.

You're using a word which is a fake word.

We just put it in the parking lot.

Yes awareness that is all I can understand aware.

I'm aware very simple awareness word.

We all understand Hindi without Jagerati,

But you understand the word Jagerati and that's your experience or is that telling Shiva telling Pavitra telling one is this your experience the Jagerati for that one glimpse that one second that awareness first your Jagrat of the body then your Jagrat of the breath then your Jagrat of whatever happened in the mind some thought some sensation emotion whatever drama happened and then there was just pure Jagrata of Jagrata.

Yes,

Are we all on the same page?

So what is stage one?

Yes differentiating subject and object subject is awareness Jagrata that's all I know right now no big words which I have no idea of.

Yeah,

You finished stage one successfully.

Okay again,

We'll do it.

You are now listening to sound.

Yeah,

Forget eyes you're getting caught up in sight sound by my voice is reaching you.

Yes,

Very very clear.

Yeah,

The voice that sound is a sound object.

Yeah,

I'm sure is listening to the sound coming to unshoe.

Yes,

Who's nodding?

The body is nodding.

Yeah,

Who is in agreement inside?

Mind intellect.

Yeah,

These are all mind objects.

Is this somebody observing the nod somebody inside and should observing the mind say yes,

And then the nod is happening.

That is the algorithm.

I get it.

Yes,

You get a glimpse of it because you don't put your attention there.

Your attention is always outside.

Yeah,

Now,

Can you do this attention outside also in attention inside also,

Can you do that?

Few seconds even a few seconds every few seconds look in I know you'll keep coming back out and then this should maintain huh.

This should not go outside even if this I can maintain for a few seconds and I come back out that's okay.

But at least I become more Jagrit.

Are you getting it?

You understood just the topic right now.

That's it.

The question is who am I?

So is he asking I this body?

Is he asking I that chattering mind?

No,

Who is he asking?

I that Jagrit that Jagriti that awareness it happens in a second either you get it or you don't.

It's like that.

Yeah,

And it is really for somebody who has so much interest in himself or herself that the world doesn't matter.

Yeah,

I told you in the beginning this is like a PhD level Ramana Morshi is the highest level.

Yeah,

There is a spectrum on which every spiritual speaker has to walk beginners come into spirituality with what at what level do they enter?

Patanjali.

Okay,

So yoga.

Yeah first when you got interested in yourself,

You got more interested in keeping this body healthy.

Yeah,

You wanted to do some stretching.

There was no idea of even any interest of the mind also.

Yeah,

So the real absolute beginners begin at yoga.

Few stretches few asanas.

I'm a very spiritual person.

Yeah,

Then you keep walking keep walking and then you realize a little more I need a little more you start pranayama when you start other things and you start this japa that mantra this that different different things.

Yeah,

Then what happens?

Yeah,

Then you hit a wall you want more.

Yeah,

We are tired of the rites and rituals and bhajans and you want more then you step into meditation.

Yeah,

The quiet meditation till now you wanted the meditation that comes with some music that comes with some Brahma some masala and now you're like,

Okay,

Can we keep the masala aside?

I want to become quieter climb up the spectrum still you need something like guided instructions to go into that silence.

You're still needing something to nudge you.

Yeah,

Then you come to a point where you don't want any nudge the nudge also becomes noise.

Yeah,

Now you want pure silence.

Yeah,

You come to a point in that pure silence you go through there are lots of pieces of pure silence and you come to that highest point where silence is also not required now.

Just that question.

Who am I?

Takes you into silence.

Just that recognition of awareness takes you there.

Now in your previous lifetime,

Probably you kick the bucket here or you kick the bucket here or you kick the bucket here.

You don't know right you come back with those karma sanskaras and when you are here now you will begin at this point only.

Yes.

So now we are in the room at different levels.

No,

Can we not try to compete with each other?

Yeah,

You anyway complete in your outside material world the spiritual world no competition.

Yeah,

We understand that we are at different levels.

We honour and respect everybody's level but we honestly recognize what is our level.

Yeah,

Yeah and it's okay we'll all get there but understand Ramana is the last step.

It's the last step because there is not even meditation there.

It's beyond meditation.

I just put it in because I know most of you used to meditation.

Now a little background about Ramana.

When Ramana taught he taught just in silence.

Even this who am I was not there.

Yeah,

Just in silence.

He came he sat everybody sat in silence and he left.

So some people who were there and that last step they just needed silence and it was fine.

It worked for them.

But then there were some people on the lower side of the spectrum who were like,

You know,

I need more I need words.

I need him to speak.

I need him to give me some instruction.

Yeah,

So for those people he gave who am I the inquiry method.

Yeah,

Now then there were other people who said oh I always do japa.

I like to do my mantra.

Okay that keeps you happy.

No you do that.

It's not that he has advocated but he will never come and tell you that oh you stop doing this Shiva.

No you don't if that makes you happy.

Yeah,

But what is his highest teaching?

Silence.

Now for silence you didn't need to come for a two and a half weekend two and a half days of the weekend,

Right?

Yeah,

So we'll go with the who am I inquiry method.

When Ramana was very young a young boy and he just had the fear of death come up and instead of running away from the fear I would say he meditated on the fear.

He went into it.

He embraced that fear.

Yeah,

Almost like okay if I die so what let's see what happens and he went into that state of awareness that glimpse that you got he went into that pure state and could stay there as a young boy.

Yes and that's when he had his first awakening for a few days.

He continued as a student in school but he couldn't do that too long.

He found it too fake and then he just went away to this mountain called Arunachala and he just meditated for a long time.

Yeah,

He found so much peace in this or awareness.

He maintained that stage for a long period of time.

How you came out of it in a second?

He didn't come out of it in a second.

He could stay there just be there without the mind pulling him out without any sensations or pain dragging him out.

Yeah and that is why that's all he taught.

Sit in silence.

You go there.

Clear?

It's so simple.

There's nothing more to teach.

Just mean awareness.

Shortcut.

You're home.

Yeah but it is difficult for some of us to find the shortcut.

So for some of us he gave who am I?

If who am I is difficult to understand you say am I aware because that's a little easier right?

Yeah.

Am I aware?

That also takes you to the same moment where the mind stops for a moment.

You come to that nothingness or what did you call it?

The quietness whatever that that moment where it was quiet for a moment and again the mind came up with the answer.

The same thing happens with the question who am I?

Yeah but who am I is a difficult question sometimes because people are so body conscious.

They think I am the body.

That's why a mini step before you get to who am I is am I aware?

And then once you are comfortable with this question and you keep coming to that same nothingness that same quiet you ask who am I?

You'll come to the same quiet now.

Clear?

So let's see if some are in the process of now understanding that okay awareness is free now.

So why like body sensations either in the form of pain or hunger or something so how that plays a role in pulling it out from that particular state.

It just pulls the attention out.

The awareness only gets pulled out because awareness is only aware of the mind.

It is only aware of the body.

It is only aware of the sensations.

So the awareness has just started looking outside instead of looking at its own self.

Like a mother does not take care of her own self when the children are very young.

She's just looking at the children and she doesn't care for her own body and her own mind and then suddenly one day she's sick and then the attention turns inward.

Exactly the same thing happens here.

You are so lost in the world in the world of body and mind.

One day you fall sick.

You hate it.

You're stressed.

You want something more.

A thirst naturally arises.

This is a thirst for the mental health.

You don't know what it is.

You're just thirsty to know more.

You want to understand yourself.

You suddenly turned inwards.

Yeah,

But again because of habitual pattern,

The mother looks at the baby again.

The same thing you do.

You get it?

Yeah,

The shuttling will happen but now with awareness you have to start looking in.

You get it?

Because of my past habit pattern I'm going to keep looking at my kid,

My husband,

My wife,

My child,

My job because of the past habit pattern I have to keep.

And I told you know,

What is the more sensible step?

Both together together together again I'll get lost because I'm not an expert yet.

It's okay.

The moment I remember again I'll get lost.

Okay doesn't matter.

Forgive,

Let go,

Don't beat yourself up again and again again and again again and again.

This is the Abhyasa.

You're getting stage one very clearly.

Yes,

You have to do this with eyes open.

No point doing it in meditation because you have a mental block.

The that which I achieve in meditation I cannot maintain it in my daily life.

Whether you know it or not you have a mental block.

You might feel no no I don't have this belief.

It is a belief.

It is there.

Otherwise you would have changed by now.

How many years have you been meditating?

Have you become a quieter person?

I don't mean here.

I mean here.

That's not happened means you have a mental block.

That that which happens in my meditation I'm not able to carry it into my open-eyed daily routine.

So what do I do with my open eyes?

I practice awareness here as well here here as well here.

Yeah,

Can you keep doing that today as we read as we go through the session?

I'll give you a break.

You'll go to the restroom.

So you're aware of everybody everything still aware of the one observing everything.

Yes,

Can we all do it?

Yeah,

This has to go on continuously for the next two and a half days.

Stage one very very clear.

What is stage one?

Tell me in words.

Whose object and subject?

So awareness and body mind complex very clear.

Okay,

So you have to do this during the break.

Yes completely aware while talking while taking your cup and drinking water while using the restroom while whatever you're doing shifting moving sitting here sitting there.

Yes,

Yes,

They are going to interfere.

No wait,

That's how you have to become a master.

You have to become a master.

So now we have an excuse if you don't listen to spouse.

So consciously we have to make an effort to yes,

Yes,

It has to be a conscious effort moment to moment to moment.

Good you are getting to stage two.