Understanding Masculine Energy - Weekly Energy Boost

Good morning,

Everyone.

Good evening,

Good afternoon,

Wherever you are,

And welcome to the Weekly Energy Boost.

My name is Ellie Sheva,

And I'm here this morning with David,

And we are super pumped to talk about the male role,

The masculine role in relationships as the third in a four-part series on relationships.

The Weekly Energy Boost is your seven-day spiritual energy forecast,

And we've been focusing these last weeks on relationships.

Right now we are in the month of Capricorn,

Which is caballistically going to ask us to be as balanced and as level-headed as we can be in our relationships,

Almost to the point of coldness.

And that's one of the reasons that we pulled this topic as our focus for the month,

So that we can be more sensitive,

Our awareness can be heightened,

And we can be better prepared to navigate the potential road bumps in our relationships so that they don't bump us,

But rather they help us elevate to the next level in our relationships.

And I hope we'll have a little bit of time today to bring in,

We focused the first two episodes mostly on romantic relationships,

But I think our listeners seem to have questions about business relationships,

Family relationships,

And hopefully we'll get to touch a little bit on those topics as well today.

Yeah,

We've got a lot of great stuff.

I think it's important that people here last week's show,

We gave a good introduction to what male and female energy is,

Are,

And I don't want to rehash it all over again,

But the idea for the male energy is wherever we are,

Wherever in our lives we are channeling energy,

We need to create something,

We need to disseminate something,

Whether it be teaching,

Parenting,

Being in a relationship,

Being in some kind of a role where your job is to be the provider of some energy.

Now that translates into relationships between people,

And especially if we're talking to men that spiritually,

Biologically,

They may take on this role of being a channeler of energy.

I just made up that word,

It's not a real word.

Some of these concepts that you're going to hear today are going to be important.

We talked last week about something important for men that really should help them in their relationships,

The whole idea that when you're interacting with a vessel,

Someone who is receiving your energy,

You're in a relationship with someone- Who could be male in any given situation as well.

Could be a male as well.

It could be two men,

But even when two men are together,

One side at certain,

Maybe predominantly in the relationship or at a given moment,

Is acting as the female,

The one that receives and manifests the energy.

We learned that something practical,

When a man comes into the vicinity of his partner,

Let's say it is a woman in this case,

And she has feelings that she wants to share or difficulties or challenges she's gone through.

We said that because the female plays the role of the vessel,

Sometimes that vessel needs to purge whatever negativity it's accumulated that day.

Not even that that's her fault.

Just by virtue of what her spiritual makeup is,

She will collect and receive so many different energies and vibrations of other people that will manifest inside of her as hurt,

As pain.

What she wants to do is to clean that out to receive your light,

Your energy.

Sometimes that takes the form of conversation and not to mistake that for complaining or nagging or being a victim or blaming,

Which often men might feel they want to do because they don't want to see their female counterpart be in pain.

Men can't handle- Or disappointed with them.

Yeah,

Exactly.

They take it personally,

Like they did something wrong.

Men can't handle seeing their partners in pain.

They want to fix it.

They want to get rid of it.

Part of it is because they think it's a reflection that they're not channeling energy.

They're not giving them the right way.

They made a mistake.

People can't handle that usually.

It's painful to sit with them.

We talked about that last week in our show,

That it's okay.

Allow the purge to occur 10,

20,

30 minutes.

Don't say anything.

Be understanding.

Be empathetic.

Be engaged.

Don't be trying to wait for it to get over with.

Don't make that mistake.

David made that before.

I mean,

Yes,

I have.

I have made that before.

It's hard when you.

.

.

Because as you become more spiritual and you start to learn more of this wisdom,

You actually have more answers,

Less questions sometimes.

Well,

You have a lot of questions too,

But you start to think that you can probably solve anybody's problem.

In fact,

There's no Kabbalah.

I don't teach any Kabbalah at home.

In fact,

I don't think one Kabbalah lesson comes out of my mouth inside the house.

It's a whole different game you play with your partner.

You can't bring your work home like that.

That's the idea.

I'm going to learn today more of what men can do to have flourishing relationships flourish in their own lives,

But especially with the romantic partners.

One of the challenges I see come up for individuals is that they.

.

.

David might call it they get out of their lane,

But what I see in doing one-on-one work with people and sometimes even couples is that one of the people in the relationship is trying to do the job of both.

We touched on that a little bit this last week in regard to.

.

.

To me,

I don't know if it's only American.

I think it's pretty much a global phenomenon that women are expected to bring home the bacon as well as take care of their family and their house.

I read that a married mom who works has 3.

5 jobs.

That's the equivalent of another person juggling three and a half jobs.

The challenge is that,

Especially in the workforce,

And we could get into the whole thing about equal pay and blah,

Blah,

Blah,

But there is this perception that we as the female aspect need to be channels as well.

One of the reasons that these two episodes are really so important is that not only will our relationships benefit from us having more balanced energy,

But we will be happier.

I see a lot of people are frustrated.

I have a lot of female students who are single,

And if I could diagnose their singlehood,

It is the fact that they do everything on their own and there isn't room in their life to be taken care of,

To be channeled into,

To receive.

They do it all.

They have it all,

And therefore,

There's no partner that would match them where they're at because they don't need a partner.

They're doing it all.

Some women pride themselves on that.

I hope that we'll get to the understanding this week of why it's so important to dial in the imbalance,

Whether you might be listening now and say,

Well,

I act like the damsel in distress.

I'm helpless,

And I'm hopeless,

And nobody's rescuing me,

To the other end of the spectrum of I don't need a partner.

By the way,

I can confess to having that mindset in the past also between I was single.

I was married,

Then I was divorced,

And in the period between my divorce and my marriage,

I was like,

Well,

Who needs a man?

Who needs a man,

Right?

Who needs a man?

I'm fine.

I'm managing my house.

I have a career I'm passionate about.

I'm happy.

I have great friends.

What's the point?

Yeah.

Extra baggage.

There's extra baggage.

Totally.

I hope that part of our goal this week is to get down to the importance of having that balance of giving and receiving in the individual so as to benefit the relationship as well.

I want to throw a footnote in there.

These are the kind of shows that oftentimes some people will be like,

Wow,

It's exactly what I'm going through,

What I'm hearing.

It's almost a guarantee because I've given this class so many times that there's going to be people that say,

I don't agree with that.

That's really upsetting to me.

You're pigeonholing,

You're a stereotype,

Whatever it is.

It's really important that we make it clear that what we're sharing,

Even though it's very specific because we have to be specific,

We are not saying broadly this is how everything is or this is how you are.

I think what's powerful about what we're aiming to do here is to share concepts of cause and effect.

Then,

Based on who you are,

Based on your correction,

Based on whatever you've learned and evolved spiritually through,

You have to take these concepts and try to see where it fits in your life because if you fit a certain concept in the wrong area of your life,

Yeah,

It doesn't fit there.

I'll give you an example because we could learn a class that says,

Oh,

I heard your class.

A woman once told me,

I heard your class and I need to be a better receiver and manifestor because that's what we talked about.

Then when I sat with her one on one,

I realized that yes,

Although that's a true concept,

For her to be a better receiver actually meant saying no and not actually taking any energy.

We're not saying you need to be a certain way.

What we're doing is we're sharing concepts of what happens when you have X energy and then a Y result.

We're sharing cause and effect.

We need to take that wisdom and say,

Well,

How does that apply to different parts of my life?

I just really want to be clear about that because there are endless ways of looking at relationships.

We're not doing it justice by just doing four shows on it.

We're trying to share whatever we can.

That's probably our top most powerful concepts,

Which I have a whole list of here for men,

But a man's job will be then to take that and say,

What does that mean to me specifically?

How can I use that?

Is something bothering you,

It's a total waste of time to just be annoyed and leave it at that.

I always try to look at myself,

Why am I upset?

Why am I bothering her?

Why did it trigger me?

Sometimes I'll say something and it'll be very triggering to someone because it might remind them of something their dad told them once.

You'll say something and someone will be like,

Oh,

There's that woman talking down to me again because somebody hurt them in high school.

You got to look at that stuff.

Of course,

If there's constructive feedback to give it to us,

But anytime we're upset about something,

It's always good to look at why the creator said that in the first place.

Well,

David,

I have no experience as a spiritual man,

At least not in this lifetime.

That's a whole other episode by the way.

But the truth is I have sons who I endeavor to raise to be spiritual men.

Not sons of anarchy.

No,

Not sons of anarchy,

Sons of peace and tranquility.

I have a husband who is also a Kabbalah teacher.

I honestly can't imagine.

.

.

By the way,

I should- Some people will say,

You know,

Elisa,

It's easy for you.

Right.

Well,

So this is what I want to say.

You have a spiritual husband who just does restriction all day and understands everything,

Just communicates with you psychically.

Right.

I also should say that my parents found spirituality before me and dragged me kicking and screaming to it before I embraced it myself.

There is a part of me that says,

If not for my work with individuals who are just embarking on this journey,

I wouldn't have impartial perspective.

By the way,

This is the funniest thing.

The truth is that I think a lot of people that when they embark on a spiritual journey,

Men probably more than women,

Is that the perception is I'm going to get to a point where nothing bothers me.

I'm going to get to a point where everything is zen and I'm just going to breathe through everything and nobody's going to bother me.

I'm going to float through traffic like an angel and I'm going to make millions because it's divinely ordained.

I'm just going to sit on a cloud and wait for the rest of the world to get with it.

We as spiritual people,

And that's the funny thing is I remember my first teacher saying it in a class and being like,

Come on.

I'll quote him.

Maybe I'll quote him and it'll save me the struggle.

You probably think that our lives are easy.

We're so connected to the light.

Why should we have any chaos?

The truth is the metaphor that we use,

And it's the metaphor that the Kabbalists use for centuries,

For millennia,

When the sunlight comes into your window at a certain point in the afternoon,

You see the rays of light coming in and suddenly you see how dirty the window is and how much dust there is in the air and all kinds of lint.

If you have pets,

Dog hair,

And who knows what else floating around,

You don't see it until the light is shining really brightly.

I think for a lot of us who are in the first few years of our spiritual journey even,

We have the expectation that I won't have to make an effort.

I'm making this effort now because at some point I won't need to make an effort.

The truth is the result is seeing so much more clearly what those triggers and buttons are.

It's not a walk in the park.

The goal is not to have the easiest life possible.

The goal is to fulfill our life's purpose.

That is often met with challenges.

The reason that we do this podcast is so that our listeners have those tools and that wisdom,

That consciousness so that when there is a hiccup in the process,

When you come home from work and your wife is upset with you or your mother is nagging you or your daughter or whoever it is,

Your neighbors are bothering you,

That you have the tools and the wisdom to navigate through that.

So it's not,

You can say,

Oh well,

At least you have a spiritual husband and you're trying to have spiritual kids.

That is easier said than done.

We can have a whole four series,

Four episodes on that as well.

The truth is that everybody is met with exactly the resistance they need in order to become who they need to be.

Yeah,

Because there's sometimes,

I've heard people say this maybe about other people.

I'm sure they've said it about us where they say,

If I had children,

Imagine somebody who doesn't have a relationship,

Really wants children and I don't know,

It's financially stable but doesn't have the relationship part.

So you know,

They should have a,

I don't care about the money.

If I had a husband the way you do and kids the way you do,

I would just be,

I would be fine.

I would,

And it's interesting because you are given blessings based on if you've corrected that specific area.

So some people where financially things just flow beautifully,

It's because you don't have a correction in that area.

You just flow whether you have it,

You don't have it,

You're so fine with it.

You're always going to be hit with that which you are weak at.

So to say if I had your life or the other person's life because that other person's not being challenged in the area you're weak at,

That's easy to say,

But you need to know that no matter whose shoes you step into,

The first thing that the universe will identify is where you're weak and touch you right there.

Always like the dentist looks for the cavity.

Then this doesn't focus on the 31 teeth that are perfect.

Looks for the one that's chipped,

Out of place,

Is decaying,

It's got signs of trouble and then drills away.

So it's always like that.

Not to go off topic here because now we're talking about- No,

Well I want to talk about where the masculine folk among us fall short in that fulfilling their purpose.

How they can step more into their purpose and therefore have- I got points.

I got points.

Do you have points?

I will counter your points,

How's that?

All right,

So the male energy's role is to be a channel of the light of the creator in this world.

You are a channel several ways.

Number one,

Physically by what you do in this world and how you build.

You're a builder,

Not a destroyer.

So a lot of people are familiar with this idea because society doesn't let you escape being lazy or being- you can't just say,

You know,

I don't want to do anything for this world.

The world kind of holds you accountable.

So even though it's a physical thing,

It's a physical action to have a job,

To add value,

To have a paycheck,

It's also a spiritual concept.

And Michael Berg once told me this over a dinner many years ago and it was just very casual but it stuck in my mind because his son was asking him a question about purpose in how do you find your purpose?

His son was asking and I overheard the answer.

He basically said,

Every day,

Regardless of what you do for your career,

You need to ask the creator and pray,

Show me my purpose and the way that I'm meant to bring light to this world.

And that's important because your ego can take you into many directions and maybe there are lucrative directions and maybe they're even fulfilling directions but they're never as optimal as where the creator wants to take you.

And it's just important to let go in your mind of whatever you're doing to say creator I'm open for you to adjust me.

Because here's the thing,

You're going to have to get there anyways and it's going to be very painful how you get there.

So better to ask the creator to guide you.

So in this world,

A man's job is to reach the pinnacle of the way he gives,

He adds value and that's not necessarily quantity,

That's most certainly quality of what you do and how you do it.

And that's point number one that I wanted to say and that's probably an easy one for people to digest.

Okay,

So let me hit this back into your court.

Women can be channels too.

Absolutely.

The confusing part or the part in which we set ourselves up for failure is that our role,

Our gift,

That's maybe the way we need to say it,

The female gift is to manifest,

The male gift is to channel.

Now as a manifester,

I also have to channel.

Sure,

You're a teacher,

You're here teaching,

You're not just manifesting your husband's light.

Exactly.

Taken out of context,

That's going to upset a lot of Apple carts.

That's not what David is saying.

What David is saying is that in partnership,

In balance,

That's the gift.

Superpower,

It's the superpower.

There we go.

The man's superpower.

The man's superpower is to channel.

If he's not manifesting,

I wouldn't put it totally on him because that's not his superpower.

I think that there is a lot of men out there that need,

And I'm not even talking about a wife or a girlfriend,

They need someone to be in their office,

In their life,

To help them manifest because it's not their gift.

It's true because my teacher once told me,

As smart as you think you could be as talented,

If you do not have a strong female energy around you,

You'll never be able to manifest that energy.

It's just because you need a plus and a minus.

It could be your mom,

It could be your sister,

It could be your teacher,

It could be your girlfriend,

It could be your wife,

It could be your daughter.

A strong female energy is a smart way for a man to have an easier life when it comes to manifesting.

It's kind of like if you have an elite team of people that go into war,

You have a medic,

You got the sniper,

You can't just have eight snipers,

You need a medic.

We're all kind of trained in medicine,

We can figure it out,

But no,

You need the person that that's their superpower.

When you combine that right team together,

Then you have a higher probability of a successful mission.

It doesn't mean one's better than the other.

The medic is no better or worse than the sniper.

They all have a mission.

The male's highest level is reached when he has a strong female energy,

And by the way,

Female energy can be another man that plays that female role.

Sure,

Sure,

Absolutely.

That's really what I wanted to make clear because it almost,

If you're allowing the inner critic,

The inner cynic to come out,

It sounds like David's saying,

Well,

You just got to settle down with a nice woman.

If you're a woman,

Good luck in making money because you're not here to channel.

The opposite,

That part of taking in this wisdom is also understanding there are times where I need to be a channel and there's times that I need to be a vessel.

There's times that I need to be the receiver and there's times that I need to be the giver.

And that's the spiritual fine tuning is really being in touch with when is the right time for which.

And you really said it because some men try to be both the channel and the manifest and say,

I don't need a female presence in my life.

And then there's some women,

Like you said,

That try to do both as well.

What we're saying is don't try to do both.

A woman can have a huge career,

Can be hugely successful.

I know a lot of women that make more money than their husbands.

Mine.

And it should be,

And it should be that way.

But you need to know that as a very strong woman,

Part of what's going to bring you more fulfillment is to also manifest someone else's channeling ability.

Oh,

I don't want to deal with that.

Kind of like what you said.

But even though you don't want to deal with that or you don't think you need to,

There's someone else might need you.

There's a power there.

I think I was at a point in my life where I was like,

Just leave me alone.

Everybody just leave me alone.

But once I came to the point where I was ready to go back to doing my spirit,

Fulfilling my soul's mission in the world,

I knew that I needed that partnership.

Very good.

All right.

Now,

Because your superpower,

Whatever your superpower is,

That's where the negative side will attack you most.

You said that the woman's superpower is the receiving and manifesting.

So where does the negative side,

The opponent,

The satan that we call him,

Where does he attack to make you feel the opposite,

To make you feel like you can't receive,

You're not a good receiver,

You don't deserve anything.

Satan will make a woman judge herself,

Judge herself to death,

Think she's not good enough or think she's so good that doesn't need anybody.

Both are the same sides of ego.

I'm not good enough,

I'm better than anybody,

Are both the same.

Feeling lack of self-love.

So all of those things,

The opponent will attack the female in the area of receiving.

You can't receive,

You shouldn't receive,

You don't deserve to receive,

You're not a good mom.

Like I never heard of a mom say she thinks she's a good mom.

Every mom thinks she's like doing like not the best job or it's like always like the psychological thing.

So it's like I remember my son will be crying and my wife will think she's like a bad mom.

What's the connection here?

What's the connection here?

He's crying because he just wants a toy.

It doesn't mean you're a bad mom,

He just wants something.

But no,

There's this constant beating up mentality.

So because a man's superpower,

The channeling of energy,

The negative side will attack the man in any place,

In any way to displace his energy.

His energy comes in the form of time.

His energy comes in the form of words.

His energy comes in the form of sexual energy.

His energy comes in the form of thoughts.

So a man generates energy through their thoughts,

Words,

Actions,

Sexual energy.

So the negative side's job is to say,

Wow,

You have this amazing superpower.

You can create,

You can do,

Wonderful.

Let's waste it.

Let's take it and displace it somewhere where it helps me,

The opponent.

And this is where we see a lot of great men who are talented,

Successful,

Or even not.

I mean,

Again,

It's all relative to your level.

But then you see at some point the opponent comes in and distracts you and tries to direct your energy into a direction that is long term not good for you.

It might feel good in the moment,

But it's,

It's,

It's,

And it could be very confusing because that's how the opponent works.

So one of the reasons why men don't feel fulfilled is that they're channeling those four things,

Thoughts,

Words,

Actions,

Sexual energy in a direction that they know they shouldn't be.

If they really take an audit into their life,

They realize that they're kind of using those four areas in a selfish way,

In a reactive way,

An escapism way.

They're not really acting as givers.

So that was the second point I wanted to make.

Do I need to lob it back into your.

.

.

You have a comment about that?

Well,

I think for a lot of guys.

.

.

Do you have questions from people?

I think for,

Well,

I actually do.

But I think it will close the show out with them because they're very broad and I don't know where we're going to take them.

I know that as a representing the female side of the conversation,

A lot of chaos in those relationships when it comes to giving and receiving comes from wanting to do what's right or judging,

As David mentioned,

Assessing,

Criticizing,

Because this is not right.

This is not how things are supposed to be.

And what our teacher Rav Berg always emphasized that idea that,

Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?

And I see that in a lot of relationships,

Especially when the woman perceives that her man is underperforming,

Even in professional situations where the perception is the employee is underperforming or the boss is not leading properly,

The perception is,

Or the person who's saying those things is coming from the Justice League and not the Happiness League.

Yes,

Your employee may be not performing.

Is it about what's right or is it about how to solve it?

Right?

Like,

Okay,

My husband is doing whatever he's doing.

Do I want to be right or do I want to fix it?

Do I want to help him?

And also from the male aspect,

When a male feels unfulfilled in his relationship,

The tendency is to look for another vessel.

All right,

I'm not fulfilling this one.

How can I fulfill?

I'm not making her happy,

I'm making somebody else happy.

Exactly.

And by the way,

Some marriages last 90 years because the male- There's multiple vessels that he's sharing with.

No,

That's not what I was going to say.

A woman would never say that.

I was going to say that he feels he's fulfilling vessels in his career.

Like he sees his performance there,

So he's willing to have a lack of performance at home or anywhere else.

Gosh,

David.

But my advice,

My guidance,

The guidance that I took that,

Again,

I may forget from time to time,

But at least it's standing there in the back of my advice closet waiting to be worn again is don't worry about what's right.

And that comes from one of the questions we received over the weekend.

Someone was asking if there's a conflict with siblings and the way that they're treating a parent isn't right.

And again,

So when I'm looking at other people's situations,

When I see the word right or fair,

The flag goes up for me and you realize,

Well,

It's not about that.

The question is if there is a way that I can help be a part of the solution,

Let me do that,

But if not,

Stay in your lane.

And when it comes to romantic relationships,

Relationships with a significant other,

As David said,

Are you there to build or are you there to destroy?

If it's about,

It's right,

It's not fair,

It's tit for tat or leveling the playing field,

You're going to be miserable in the long run.

The way to get there is to see how we can bring up the happiness,

Which is inevitably coming up with a solution rather than blaming.

I'm reading right now some studies that show that,

Of course,

The studies show,

The scientific data shows that men are more than 10% likely to have infidelity than women are.

And part of it is spiritually this is back because if the man is the channel of energy,

That's where the opponent is going to attack.

The one who has the energy to give,

To channel,

To manifest,

That's his superpower,

Right?

Women also have this power,

But the superpower is the man to share and spread his energy.

The opponent is attacking him more than her.

So the numbers back it and it says that almost 25 to 72%,

These are different studies,

As low as 25 or 72% of men in marriages are cheating.

Now why are cheating or have cheated at least once?

Now why is that important to know and understand?

It's just to understand how powerful the negative side is and how he does not want man to reach his highest potential as a giver.

I'm not going to get here into the morals of cheating,

Not cheating.

That's not our job.

Our job is to understand what's your power and how to manifest your power.

And oftentimes when you are having trouble in a relationship,

Trouble with your audience,

So to speak,

With someone who you want them to receive your energy and manifest and have a happy home,

Instead of going into it and looking inside yourself and seeing what more you can do to be a greater being of sharing and try to understand why your other half,

Your partner,

Is not receiving you well,

Men often are escaping according to the study and finding other ways to temporarily fill their lack.

The lack is important because what lack does,

Which is bringing me to my next point,

When you feel confused in your relationship or you feel lack or you feel like nothing you're trying is working,

You need to know that this is also part of something strategically designed by the creator to break the ego of the men.

Sometimes you're actually meant to have nothing work.

The creator wants that nothing will work for you so that you feel broken and then you pray and you reach out for help and reach out spiritually for help.

Because what you're essentially doing when you pray is you're tapping into the higher frequency of yourself,

The future perfect version of you.

Because Kabbalah says that each one of us will become perfect eventually,

Even if it takes many lifetimes.

But because time is an illusion Kabbalistically,

The perfect version of me can be accessed today.

But the reason why we don't access it is because we feel that we don't need to because we have everything under control.

However when you're in a pickle and your ego is broken,

You don't know what else to do,

That's when you ask for help.

Each one of us in our own way,

In our own religion,

Our own language kind of pray.

So you need to know that the goal is not to take a relationship Tylenol or some kind of an extracurricular relationship or even to escape in your business or escape into something you're good at.

It's important to go into the relationship and allow yourself to be broken so that you can reach out to the creator,

To the perfect version of you and draw upon it.

And that's actually how you grow.

That's how you create,

You draw the higher level of your soul according to the Kabbalists.

So there's another point I wanted to share.

The other thing I wanted to say is,

I think I share this story all the time,

It's one of my favorite stories.

I'm sure the person knows who that person is,

Even though it happened by like 12,

13 years ago.

We always laugh about it.

I had a student once who was dating a girl and he always got,

Great girl by the way,

And he's a great guy.

She would always get upset with him like at random times for random reasons.

And then at some point I'm like,

It can't just be that this girl is a bad person.

I'm curious to know what he's doing to cause this girl to always be upset.

And she didn't even know why she was upset,

Just randomly she would get upset with it.

So I said,

You know,

Give me an example.

He's like,

Well,

I'll give you an example.

Just the other day you told me to go be a giver,

Add value,

Share,

Channel my energy to her.

So I did.

And I went and I stopped by before I went home,

They were living together,

To bring her flowers.

I said,

Oh,

That's very nice.

So he's saying,

I went in the flower shop and I looked around,

I asked the florist,

What do you say for my girlfriend?

The florist said this,

And I got the flowers,

I went home,

And as soon as I went home,

I'm getting attacked.

She's upset with me.

I don't really know why,

She's emotional.

And I'm thinking to myself,

This doesn't make sense.

I mean,

Shevlin,

If your husband came home with flowers,

Would you be upset and even not know why you're upset?

So then I had an idea.

I said,

Did I tell you the story before,

Shevlin?

It's not familiar to you.

Not familiar,

Okay.

So I said,

You know,

Tell me more about the florist.

What do you mean?

You walked in and was there anybody in the shop?

No,

It was just her.

I said,

Enlighten me.

Did you find her to be attractive?

He said,

Yeah,

I mean,

Actually she was attractive.

I said,

Okay.

Did you banter?

I know you have a tendency to banter.

He's like,

What do you mean?

I said,

I don't know.

He's like,

Well,

I mean,

I asked her,

You know,

Hey,

You know,

I think he says something like,

What is a pretty girl like you doing,

You know,

On a night like that?

I smell it.

He's not smelling flowers.

No.

I mean,

His girlfriend smelled it too.

I mean,

This guy would flirt with the wall.

That's what it was.

That's really because I knew and he wasn't kind of cheat on his girlfriend,

But he enjoys the banter and taking energy from women.

And when we got to the bottom of us,

Because he took that energy from her,

Even just five seconds of just kind of flirting and maybe he wanted to look like,

Look what I'm doing for my girlfriend.

I'm such a great guy.

You should admire great guys like me.

Any of that stuff,

Even if it's subconscious,

I just want the men to know,

Even it's subconscious taking of energy.

It's like a negative spirit and to fall,

Like attached itself to him.

And he went home with the negative spirit.

So why is she upset?

Why is the girlfriend upset?

Because she smells it.

She sees it.

Even if she can't articulate it and it's not a conscious knowing.

Exactly.

So her soul smells it and that stench is upsetting.

It's upsetting.

And it's so perfect because we want our other half,

Our significant other to smell it.

You want that your negativity smells because then people will tell you it smells and then you'll have to change.

And then you're loved when you change and you'll have more superpowers.

But if nobody could smell your stench and if nobody called you out on it,

Then you would never really grow.

You'd always hide it and then have an ego about it.

I actually thought of something that I don't think we've talked about on the show before,

But I think it's a good time to bring it up relative to what you were just sharing.

Sometimes David goes deep on the show and he'll share something that I'll cringe over because it's just not on the level of the content.

And he says,

Well,

People like the deep stuff.

So here's the deep stuff.

One of the fundamental teachings,

I think we even brought it up in the first episode on relationships about,

We talked about how relationships,

Modern day relationships are a reenactment of the way that Kabbalists teach the world was created through this tango,

If you will,

Between the light and the vessel.

And eventually the physical world came into existence and Kabbalistically,

There's a story.

There's also a biblical story about Adam and Eve.

And the story is that Adam physically and figuratively was an enormous being.

You know,

This,

These secrets I'm about to tickle.

So Adam was something like 900 feet tall.

And one of the outcomes of what's known in religion as the original sin,

But in Kabbalah,

We understand that it was a necessary aspect to the process of the human soul.

Basically Adam was shrunk.

And because Adam was shrunk and Adam Kabbalistically represents all of the souls of masculinity.

I'm not even going to say humanity because Eve was there too.

Adam basically was the container,

Was the mountain from which all of the male masculine souls of humanity are hewn.

So all masculine souls have,

Again,

It's maybe I'm,

The pun is going a little bit too far,

But they all have this chip on their shoulder that they're not powerful enough that they're not big enough that they are not,

They're not as glorious as they once were or that as glorious as they should be.

And in last week's show,

We talked about how that part of ourselves,

That masculine,

The men in our lives essentially need an audience,

Need to feel like they're performing,

Need the compliments,

Need the positive reinforcement and the appreciation in order to not only keep performing,

But improve their performance.

So the Kabbalists teach that that's,

This is the root of that performance anxiety,

That Adam was once infinitely more powerful,

Meaning the male souls roaming the earth today have,

Just like David was explaining,

That scent,

They have this scent of,

I'm never going to be big enough,

I'm never going to be beautiful enough,

I'm never going to be powerful enough.

And we tend not to see that when we look at the men in our lives.

When we look at the boys in our lives,

It may be a little bit more obvious,

But there is a part of the upbringing that happens to men where we teach them they shouldn't cry and they should be macho and they should,

If we're lucky,

Somebody teaches them that chivalry is not dead and they should be kind and courteous and polite and buy flowers for their girlfriends.

But to remember that encoding on a soul level,

Not a conscious level,

I don't know how many men are walking around saying,

I should be bigger than I am,

Although obviously there are some men who think that.

I don't mean bigger,

Obviously,

In size.

I mean more powerful,

More impactful,

More of a channel.

Imagine that you take the Lincoln Tunnel and you turn it into a straw,

Meaning a drinking straw.

How would the Lincoln Tunnel feel?

That desire to perform and to outperform constantly is wired into the subconscious of all masculinity.

David's laughing maybe because I'm making him nervous,

But it's also that secret explains a lot of the,

I think,

Failed marriages.

Failed marriages that continue to exist because the man feels like they're impotent,

Powerless,

You know,

Can't perform,

Are not being acknowledged,

Not being recognized.

So why bother?

Husbands come home at the end of the day and they are silent because listening didn't help before.

I tried to fix it.

She wasn't happy.

Why bother?

Right.

And that's how the opponent works.

The opponent tries,

And without cabal,

It's very hard to decipher and understand the messages that are coming.

Most men would buy flowers,

Go home,

And if their partner was upset with them- If that didn't get a standing ovation.

Yeah,

A standing ovation,

He's thinking,

What's the point?

They would never buy flowers again.

Right.

He'll think,

What's the point?

And then he'll use his thoughts and words to become a victim,

Complain,

And then waste more of his energy.

And here's the amazing thing,

That the opponent will always make sure that when your partner,

In this case,

Your female partner,

Who you're supposed to be connected with and you've committed yourself to,

Will always make sure that when they don't appreciate you,

Another female will step up.

The mistress will step up and become great at that exact moment,

Almost to create- Evidence.

Evidence of how you're maybe making a mistake.

I always say,

The mistress,

When you marry the mistress,

The mistress becomes the wife.

The Mrs.

The Mrs.

And it's the same thing.

So when she's no longer having to compete for that relationship or no longer have to put her best foot forward,

And when she's already got you,

Well then the tikkun and the correction starts all over again.

And by the way,

David,

I know you weren't trying to do it,

But you also just revealed a huge secret,

That a lot of us make that effort in our relationships until they're secured.

Right.

And then we stop making those efforts.

That's with everything.

But this is part of the magic,

I think,

Of those relationships that continue to flourish.

The people that we look at and we say,

Wow,

They're still going strong,

Or look at how loving they are,

Or I wish my significant other made me laugh like that.

Those people aren't resting.

They're continuing to invest and contribute to not necessarily looking,

And this is something actually.

.

.

I don't know if I've ever mentioned it before.

I think I did actually,

Now that I'm thinking about it.

I read a book by John Gottman,

Who is this marriage expert,

And also divorced,

But then remarried.

But I read it before his first divorce.

He wrote it before his first divorce.

He's the one,

You probably have heard about him.

He,

In like seven seconds,

Can assess if a couple is going to marry or divorce ever.

And one of the things he talks about,

Which I have converted into a spiritual lesson,

I know he doesn't mean it to be a spiritual lesson,

But it is to me a spiritual lesson,

Is that every relationship has a bank account.

And every person in that relationship,

Both people in that relationship,

Their job is to constantly deposit into the bank account without watching the books,

Without saying,

Well,

He deposited $200 yesterday,

So we're good.

I don't need to deposit.

Constantly making deposits into that bank account.

This is how he explains it,

And I'll get to the spiritual part of it in a second.

He says that if a couple's bank account is full,

No challenge will end the relationship.

Nothing will be too difficult for them to weather because they have all of this love and kindness and generosity of spirit.

Obviously,

I don't mean money in a bank account.

I mean unconditional acts of kindness.

And his emphasis is on,

You're not doing it so they'll give you applause in that moment.

You're doing it because you're fortifying the relationship's bank account so that that way,

If there's an argument,

Well,

The argument costs $500 out of the bank account,

But the bank account is so cushioned,

Who's going to notice the missing $500?

It's not going to affect them at all.

And so that resilience is something that he is able to identify at a glance.

My point is the key there is the lack of attachment.

If my husband brings home flowers,

It's not to cheer me up in that moment.

It's because he's making a deposit in the bank account.

If I make my husband's favorite meal,

It's inevitably we go towards food and digestion on the show.

It's not because I want him to give me the standing ovation or because I hope he'll give me flowers in return or because I need a hug or anything else.

It's simply because I'm depositing into my bank account of my marriage.

And so in thinking about how attached we are.

This is regardless of what gender you identify with,

Or even if you're in a relationship right now,

Looking at how attached we are to what our significant other or future significant other does in response to our giving is huge.

And if you're not in a relationship,

As we said in the first episode about relationships,

If you're looking at the things,

The ways that you behave badly in relationships and work on it before you get there,

I promise you attachment is at the top of the list for all of us.

Before we wrap up,

I had one more point,

Which is tied into all the points we talked about.

And the reason why spiritually the female is,

Let's say,

Getting jealous or upset with the male who's wasting his energy or is giving a hard time to the male as that happens sometimes is because the female needs to feel number one.

And there's a spiritual reason for this without getting into it.

But whenever you do something,

Because I know a lot of men who give a lot of time and energy to their relationships,

A lot,

But they give a little bit more to their business.

It's almost like in their mind,

The business is more exciting than the wife.

It's like whenever something in your mind,

You don't have to say it,

Is more exciting than your relationship,

She will always feel threatened energetically,

Even though she doesn't know why she feels threatened.

And that causes a rift in the unity and the partnership.

And that's because your relationship that you commit to is the first vessel that needs to receive your light.

And when it becomes a second vessel or third vessel or fourth vessel,

It loses a little bit of its energy.

And so if you ever want to know one of the reasons why your significant other is upset is because she's not feeling number one.

She doesn't feel loved and cherished.

A man needs to feel support and trusted and supported.

The woman needs to feel loved and cherished like she's number one.

And actually,

For people who have children from prior marriages,

Imagine your husband was married before,

Mordecai,

And he had kids.

And it's a very common thing that he's going to put his kids from his prior marriage first.

But the truth is if he did energetically put his kids first,

And the sheva,

Even though she knows logically that should be okay,

I mean,

They're his kids,

It would hurt the relationship.

And I have a lot of students that are like that.

They bring children from prior relationships and they make the relationship,

Their new marriage number two,

And their children number one.

And there's a way to do this where everybody feels number one,

But you need to know that a relationship should always,

The person,

I'm sorry,

Your partner should always feel like they're the most important,

Even if your children are also important.

So there's a way to do that.

No way,

That happens in relationships where there aren't children from other marriages.

Yeah,

I was given an extreme case of,

Well,

In that case,

My kids should come first.

Many marriages,

People put their kids first,

And then when their kids leave,

They have nothing.

Right,

That's true.

So I know I have a lot of homework from this episode.

I imagine that our listeners also have some as well.

As always,

We welcome your feedback,

Your comments,

Your questions.

You can continue to post to them.

We are,

Recognize a lot of you are on holiday,

Even just mentally right now,

Even if you're still at home.

So we want to wish everybody a happy holidays,

Happy new year.

Stay safe,

Continue listening,

Share the show,

Even if,

Don't share it with exes,

Because they might not take it very well.

But that's the only people you shouldn't share this episode with is your ex.

Have a fabulous,

Have a fabulous week.

Next week,

We're talking about toxic relationships,

So get your questions ready for that,

And we'll see you next week on the Weekly Energy Boost.