Words Of Wisdom: How To Know What You Truly Want

So how do you know what you truly want?

How do you know what is absolutely true to you?

Which desires are truly,

Truly yours?

There are people who I work closely with one-on-one and they come to me and they say,

I just don't know what I want.

Not today,

Not in a year,

Not in my lifetime.

I just don't feel like I'm connected to myself.

I just can't connect to myself.

And there's different reasons why that happens.

Sometimes they're coming out of a narcissistic marriage where someone really tried to take over their wishes,

Or they had parents who would only give them love if they were a certain way.

They had parents where they had to wear a mask to receive love from those parents.

They kind of had to be fake.

And the more you are fake,

The more you fake something,

The less understanding you have of what's real.

Or some people come to me and they really crave self-compassion because they've been pupil pleasers their entire life.

And all they know how to do is people please.

They don't know how to please themselves,

But they're really good at tuning in,

Maybe acting a little bit and pleasing everyone else.

So I've worked with hundreds of people with this issue,

And this is what we do together.

It's a practice of connecting with yourself,

Not from a place of fear,

People pleasing,

Trying to make a narcissistic marriage work,

Trying to get your parents to love you.

That's all fear.

You're connecting from a place of fear.

I'm going to give you a technique of how to connect from a sense of flourishing.

How do you connect to yourself from a sense of happiness and happiness growing?

And how do you grow that happiness?

So when people come to me for consultations about this,

This is the question I ask them.

If you were to have everything you wanted,

If I were to give you a magic wand and I were a fairy and I was your fairy godmother,

And this magic wand really worked,

And I would say everything is possible,

How would you use that wand?

How would you live your life?

If you were to close your eyes and imagine that everyone around you is happy,

All the people in your life,

All the friends,

All the family,

They're all happy.

They all have everything they need.

And imagine that you have already accomplished every goal.

That like long list of things you feel like you have to do to be worthy,

You already accomplished every single one of them.

And every single material wish has already come true.

You have the house you want,

The car you want,

The vacation house you want,

The paintings you want,

The clothes you want,

The bank account you want with all the money in it that you could possibly wish for.

Let's say all of that is in place.

And there is peace on earth also.

So imagine that.

Then how would you spend your time?

Then in that situation,

In that world,

What intention would you have?

What would you still want to bring into the world?

Because it's just part of your own creative force.

It's part of your own message.

It's part of your own inner being.

And in that world,

In that perfect situation,

What kind of relationship would you want to be in?

What kind of relationship would you want to have and with who?

And where would your heart,

Your own love for the world,

Your own creativity,

Where would that lead you?

How would you want to express yourself in that world?

That is you.

So close your eyes and just think about it for a second.

Everyone has exactly what they want in this life.

If all your loved ones are all your friends,

Happy,

Satisfied,

Fulfilled,

No one needs any hope,

No one needs you to do anything for them,

Then what would your wishes be?

Those are the deepest desires that then come out.

This is what you really care about.

It's independent of material things.

It has to do with what your inner being wants.

And what I've learned is that when you follow what your inner being wants,

You actually get a lot more material things in the end.

I want to read you a short excerpt from American novelist Tom Robbins.

Growing up is a trap.

Know you have no responsibility except to be yourself to the fullest limit of yourself and to learn and find out who you are.

Or perhaps I should say to remember who you are.

Because deep down in the secret velvet of your heart,

Far beyond your name and address,

Each of you knows who you really are.

And that being who is true cannot help but behave graciously to all other beings because it is all other beings.

So what I love about this excerpt is that I agree that when you are kind to yourself and connected to yourself,

You are also kind to all other beings.

There's a South Asian teaching in the Vedas that the universe gives you a certain reserve of energy the day you were born.

So the day you are born,

You are born with the exact amount of energy you need to make all your wishes come true.

So any wish that occurs to you in your mind,

You were born.

It's your birthright to have the energy to make that come true.

You have enough energy to be happy and healthy and happily in love and to create the things you want to create.

But here's the catch.

This is why we meditate.

Every time you waste energy,

Every time you judge,

Every time you criticize,

Every time you do something that's dishonest to you just to make someone else happy,

Every time you people please,

You have less of that energy.

Your reserve goes down.

So if you use that energy wisely,

You have just enough.

But if most of your wishes,

For example,

Are for other people,

If most of your wishes are not your own,

You don't have energy left to make your own wishes come true in this life.

So think about it when you're judging someone.

What's the wish that's not going to come true because you're judging that person?

When you're being dishonest about something,

What is the wish you're giving up in that moment because you're spending your energy on that lie?

When you're not connected to yourself,

What is the energy that you are giving up?

When you're doing things you hate that just don't resonate,

What wish are you giving up in that moment?

Because it's all a question of reserve of energy.

So remember,

You don't have much energy to do what you think you want with our mind,

Which is limited.

But you have endless energy to do what you want.

And when you do it,

When you do the things you want,

You only get back more energy.

So true wishes produce energy and produce more energy.