Trust, Unknown, Unseen But Always Important

Trust,

Unknown,

Unseen,

But always important.

From childhood on,

People teach us to trust,

To rely on and to follow what is good.

Trusting others is a cornerstone of the family,

The friendship and our society.

Our trust is built on experience and education.

If you grow up in a trustworthy environment,

You are able to have a more stable life and love.

You are more empathetic and be able to love more sincere and deeper.

But what is trust?

Trust is an unwritten rule starting from the moment you are born.

At the moment you see the first light,

Trust starts its role in our life.

We are weak,

Vulnerable and have no protection.

Our body and mind are not able to resist any danger,

Neither we are able to feed,

Dress or protect ourselves.

Blaby is completely dependent on the parents and the surrounding others.

At the first beginning there are nurses and maybe even doctors,

But when that time is passed there are only those who take care of us.

During the first years of our life the emotion called trust plays a very important,

Unconscious role and what happened during that time unconsciously influences all our following years.

Trust is one of the most important ingredients in our life.

Everything is based on trusting others to survive and growing up healthy.

If this is not possible,

A child becomes damaged and hurt.

Not all children are able to be nurtured properly and get over the troubled experience during growing up,

But still are able to become good human beings.

Trust issues are the most important problems that can rule our life and have a serious negative impact,

But they also can have a very positive impact on who we are and how we arrange our life.

Can we be clear what trust truly is?

We did hear it before,

Trust is an unwritten rule.

Can we specify it more to understand the feeling of trust?

It should be made more clear that it all depends on some simple but very important facts in life.

These facts are safety and security.

We need to have this to build trust.

We want an interaction.

Building trust needs people around us who care and pay attention to us.

Agreement and commitments.

We do what we say and say what we do.

Attachments.

We need to have the ability to connect with other people,

Relate to them and be a part of the social environment.

These facts have been copied since the dawn of man and hopefully continue till the last man is standing.

It is the another part of the foundation of humanity.

From these facts we can understand that it is a part emotion and a part based on acts of other people toward us.

Everything based on interactions.

You do this and I do that.

A constant stream of action and reaction.

As a child you are only able to follow others.

These others must lead you toward a better you.

A growing of your personality,

Talents and make you less dependent.

It is not only you have to trust them but they also need to trust you.

During this action and interaction of I trust you and you can trust me is the part where many things go wrong.

Most adults do not trust their children.

They do not believe a child learns by making mistakes,

By falling down and raising up.

They feed the child not only food but ready to make experience.

Clean learning materials and often start with tasks,

Duties,

Orders and expectations already at a very young age.

Next is dependency as mentioned before.

Dependency from both sides.

After a certain age the child seek its own way and the adult must start trusting the decisions made by the child and cannot interfere anymore.

All the time even you want it very much.

Trusting leads to destruction without intention.

Slowly the child becomes independent and develops its own world and understanding.

Trust becomes a serious issue at around five years of age.

Reward and punishment,

If you like to know more about it then I refer to my other lectures on the topic,

Starts to have a lasting impact in the development.

The real personal aspects of such character and genetics of the child becomes clear.

Each child reacts different on the system of reward and punishment and not only from its bringing up but from its own character and mental development.

Another important factor can be the chemical actions in the brain.

In our brain everything comes together and this is where our decisions are made.

As a sample we can see this clearly with ADHD and other problems with symptoms of special brain functioning.

If you do not call it disease or through the doctors see it is different.

A different chemistry of the brain is not a disease but a structural difference.

I'm not a medical doctor but know that many diseases can be temporary or partially controlled by the way of eating,

Breathing and lifestyle.

Emotion makes the difference.

Trust is a fundamental emotion rooted in the depths of our brain.

It has no logical functioning,

Cannot be reasoned with.

It is different from person to person and also from situation to situation.

It is complicated yet a simple given with lifelong implications.

Can we control trust in our life?

Yes we can.

People with very little trust can be taught and developed higher trust levels.

It is possible to become a trustworthy person as well as a person able to trust others.

It's not an easy process.

One thing we know for sure,

It is impossible to do it alone.

What is the best way to build trust?

One of the most important factors of trust is reliability.

Yes also on this topic I made a number of lectures so check it.

You should learn more about reliability before you continue with this topic.

So please listen to that and then come back.

To create trust we need to be reliable in our appointments,

Our words and our deeds.

Beside a maximum reliability we need open communication.

To reach 100% trust is impossible as we all suffer from negative emotions such as jealousy,

Envy,

Anger and disgust.

These emotions are needed to protect the most sensitive core of our being.

In normal cases you do not tell personal secrets that could harm you when they are exposed.

You also make a selection of what you tell to them and to who you tell it and in what way you tell it.

Basically it's based on emotional connection you have with that person.

Negative emotions have a needed protective factor in itself.

An important part of building trust is to recognize the impact of negative emotions on our life and on the trust as part of the connection.

Knowing the size of impact of our negative and positive experience give us validation of how much we are able to trust others and how we divide people in trustworthy and more risky groups.

The first step of building trust is by opening up to the people you want to connect with.

Opening up needs people who are willing to receive but also to give.

Because their giving and taking is also a part of the trust.

Telling and listening to personal stories can evoke negative emotions on both sides.

Controlling the impact of the negative emotions is the first step of building trust.

When you allow a lower or no impact of the negative emotions such as jealousy,

Envy,

Anger,

Disgust on your personal and relational life it is possible to reach a high level of understanding and in some cases sincere love.

Before we move on it is important to understand that trust is not equal to love and love not even close to trust.

Most lovers do not trust each other even when they sleep and have sex with each other every day.

You build trust by vulnerability.

Opening your shield of defense and let others look behind it.

Trust is built by the acceptation that others will harm you.

How can you find others to trust?

They come on your way and you recognize them or not.

They will not be many nor they will stay a lifetime.

Some come and go in a short time and carry your secrets along but never expose them.

Some are there for a lifetime and will tell you all your secrets to others faster.

Trust is given and broken more often than glass since humanity started.

Nothing but try and keep trying.

Question and answer.

Question 1.

Who can I trust more?

My family or my friends?

Answer 1.

Family should be trusted more than others but it has been often proven in history that family is a greater danger than a stranger.

Trust can be measured by how much of themselves they expose to you.

How much are they willing to share with you?

Trust is sharing,

Caring and reliability.

Question 2.

I love my partner very much but cannot trust.

Is that my mistake?

Answer 2.

Trust is partly an instinct,

A deduction and an emotion.

It is very likely you met your partner under strange circumstances,

Had conversations where you knew that some facts were not true.

There is a past with hidden secrets or you experience a close body language which is hiding the unknown.

In short you seem to pick up signs that make you mistrust.

Open all these points and show vulnerability by exposing your mistrust.

It can solve or end the relationship.

That is a risk you need to take to solve the problem.

Question 3.

I am an orphan and grew up with foster parents.

I have been treated badly.

Now I want to build up trust to find peace of mind.

How can I do that?

Question 3.

The answer here is only an introduction of the solution.

Your first step is to analyse how much you can trust others.

Give it a star between 1 and 10.

Here is 1.

No trust at all.

And 10 is very high.

Next step is finding a reason why you wish and should trust others.

First,

How deep do you want to trust others?

Expose your complete being or just share parts of your life.

Fourth question is who do you select to trust?

Try to answer these questions and you are already half way a further solution.

Question 4.

My lover did cheat me badly and I am broken.

Will I ever be able to trust someone again?

And so forth.

Maybe you will.

This all depends on time and healing.

After that it depends on you,

Who you meet and wish to relate to.

Fact is that we all have a taste for a specific partner.

We look conscious and unconsciously for the same kind of personality.

Often we do not consciously decide to start an affair.

Before we realize it we are again over our ears in love with heading for the next disaster.

Unless we recognize this situation and create prevention and security for ourselves,

Protection is a need to survive even in a relationship.

When you take the needed measures to secure a proper relationship,

You survive.

Question 5.

I am an easy trusting personality and due to that,

Easy to cheat.

How can I stop this?

Answer 5.

The first step is always to create time between offer and decision.

Cheaters hate time.

Taking your time will delay and often kill their efforts and opportunities.

Nearly all cheaters are in a hurry and will push you to go along with them.

Your first rule must become between proposal and decision is at least some months.

During that time you ask for advice of others and collect information which you base your decision.

This is the end of this lecture.

My name is Arnoud van de Vere from the Netherlands.

If you like to know more,

Just contact me anytime and thank you for listening and I hope you follow more of my lectures.

Thank you.