Knowing What's Right For You - L,L,&L W/ Glenn Ambrose

Welcome to Life Lessons and Laughter with your host,

Glenn Ambrose.

Hey everybody,

Welcome,

Welcome,

Welcome to this show.

For those of you watching on video,

You can see that I made a drastic change with the haircut.

I grew it out for three years and it was long,

You know,

And I decided to cut it all off.

Actually,

This is only going to take me a second.

I'm going to show you what they cut off.

There.

Yeah,

I didn't think of this before the show,

But since we are on video,

Check this out,

Man.

That's all the hair they cut off.

So,

Those of you on audio,

I don't know what to tell you.

Sorry,

I can't bridge that gap for you.

But anyway,

Yeah,

I had long,

Long,

Long hair and now it's short,

Short,

Short.

So,

A fresh start feels good,

A little easier to take care of.

And let's get into our topic.

See if I can segue this somehow.

Yeah,

There's the good and the bad.

I guess I can't.

Yeah,

I guess you can use this with anything so I can make a segue with the hair.

Here's my attempt.

This is how you can reframe things and use,

I guess this is a good example.

The things that I teach are dynamics.

They work in all situations.

So,

I'm about to talk about knowing what's right for you.

I brought up hair,

So I'm going to draw the line between the dynamic and the topic.

So,

What I'm talking about is when you want to find what's right for you,

What you want to do is you want to really enjoy the good aspects of whatever situation you're in.

Whatever the topic is,

You really want to enjoy the good aspects.

And then knowing that there are bad aspects.

There is good and bad in everything.

So,

The bad aspects,

What you want to do is just be able to handle the bad aspects.

You're not going to really like them because they're bad,

Right?

But can you accept them?

Are they not pet peeves for you?

Are they manageable?

The fact that you don't like them,

Does the good outweigh the bad?

This is the kind of mentality that I'm talking about because it's all about balance.

Everything is about balance.

So,

What I'm talking about here is a balance in the circumstances of our life,

The decisions we choose,

The positions we put ourselves in.

What we need to do is balance the good with the bad,

Knowing that there's both.

When people romanticize too much about the good,

It's like,

Okay,

They're not really based in reality.

Oh,

Everything's wonderful.

If you're in a relationship and you're saying everything's wonderful,

I mean,

Don't get me wrong,

Everything could be wonderful in that moment,

But it's not going to be forever.

And if you think that it is,

You're delusional.

And if you think your partner is just,

There is no negative aspect to your partner,

You're not realistic.

Now,

Maybe their negative aspects don't really rub you the wrong way.

That's cool.

That's what we're looking for,

Right?

So,

This is the mentality that I'm going to be discussing today.

So,

With my hair,

I liked having long hair.

I liked it when I was younger.

I liked doing it again now.

I don't really have any pressure to fit into any particular mold so I can do what I want.

And I love doing what I want.

So,

I had wanted to grow my hair out for a long time and then I did.

And I didn't know what I was going to do with it and whatever.

And it became,

After,

So I grew it out for three years.

After three years,

You know,

I had substantially long hair for probably a year and a half,

Two years of that.

So,

Dealing with long hair,

I was like,

Okay,

I kind of like the idea that I have long hair.

I like long hair.

I kind of like the idea that I have long hair.

It's kind of,

I like it.

It kind of goes with my vibe of anti-establishment or whatever.

Spirituality.

So,

I like the idea of it and stuff.

But what I didn't like was the day-to-day.

I didn't like the day-to-day caring for it.

I didn't like the fact that it kept pulling out of the ponytail and smacking me in the face.

And I was always trying to figure out how to do something to get it off my face because I didn't like that feeling.

For some people,

That feeling doesn't bother them,

Right?

So,

After a little while,

The bad outweighed the good.

So,

I was like,

This isn't really for me.

I liked it when I had short hair.

It was very easy to take care of,

You know?

And it's hot over here in the Dominican Republic.

So,

I was like,

So now all of a sudden,

You know,

The good of short hair outweighed the bad,

Which I guess is,

I don't know how much bad.

I guess I just like the idea of having long hair.

And I don't have long hair.

So,

I guess that's the only bad,

Which is not that big of a deal.

You see,

So you can take this dynamic and apply it to anything.

Even something is,

Well,

I perceive it as minimal as a haircut.

But I understand different people take their hair very seriously or not that seriously.

So,

It depends on the person.

This could be a bigger decision for some people than it was for me.

For me,

This is kind of a menial example of what I'm talking about.

So,

I'll get into more profound examples,

You know.

But this is the main balance that we need to find,

You know.

So,

Like where we live,

I think,

Is a good example of this.

That's a big aspect of it.

And I just got back from Florida for 10 days.

It wasn't really a fun visit trip.

My son and I had to get rid of some things in a storage unit.

So,

It was more work and it wasn't a lot of fun.

But whenever I'm exposed to different cultures,

New things pop up,

You know.

So,

When I'm over there,

When I first get there,

I'm like,

Oh my God,

Everything is so convenient.

Like anything you want,

Any type of food.

If you want it delivered.

If you want to walk to places.

If you want to bike to places.

Like everything is just so convenient in the United States.

And it's not like that over here in the Dominican Republic.

Especially where I live,

Where I'm up in the mountain.

And I have to drive a ways to get to different things,

Depending on what I'm looking for.

So,

The convenience level,

When I first got there,

I'm like,

Boy,

It's kind of nice having everything at my fingertips so much.

And that you know what to expect.

I mean,

When you live in the United States,

You don't realize how specific everything is.

Everything is specific.

Everything is predictable.

Everything is dependable.

Everything is consistent and convenient.

And like when you live in it all the time,

It's just life.

You get used to it.

But when you're not in it,

It's like,

Wow,

This is different,

You know.

So,

I kind of like that when I first landed.

But by the time I left,

I'm like,

Oh,

No,

It's too much.

It's too much.

It's like,

It's option overload.

It's overstimulation.

And I think that that's one of the reasons why everything is so fast-paced over there.

It's just too much information.

Too much options.

Too many.

Too much.

Too many options.

It's overwhelming when you're not used to it.

And I don't like it.

I like things simple,

You know.

And with tons of options,

It seems nice.

But to me,

It's overstimulation,

You know.

And I've talked about this in other podcasts with overstimulation.

To me,

It was really profound to understand what overstimulation does on an unconscious level to people through children,

You know.

So,

When my son – when I first moved up to Rhode Island and my son would come over to visit with me,

It was just – I didn't know what I was doing as a father.

And it was hectic,

Man,

You know.

I got a little 3-year-old kid that's just – he doesn't know how to navigate his life.

I don't know how to navigate his life.

It was overwhelming.

And there was toys all over and kicking them and stepping on them.

And he's crying.

He's overstimulated.

And all I knew is it was just hectic.

So,

I put a blanket on the carpet and I said,

This is where your toys stay.

This is where you can play.

And you can have three toys at one time.

You can't have four because I don't want them all over my house.

And I didn't really know what I was doing.

I was just following what I was being guided to do to try to simplify and not – just not have the house so hectic.

So,

I just tried this.

So,

I said,

If you want a fourth toy,

You have to put one back and then you can grab another one.

But there's no more than three toys on the carpet.

And he resisted.

We all resist structure and that stuff.

We think we want everything all the time.

But it overstimulates the brain and it makes people uncomfortable.

And I could see that in a 3-year-old.

Just overstimulated and crying and just everything was hectic.

So,

As I simplified things,

He resisted it at first.

But then after 45 minutes of me showing him like,

No,

I really mean it.

You can't get a fourth toy.

And taking one and putting it back in the toy box.

And then him getting upset.

We had to go through that a little bit,

That adjustment period.

But after like 45 minutes,

I could feel the energy just decompress.

He stopped resisting it.

And it was the best visit we had had up until that point.

It was more peaceful,

More calm.

It wasn't this overstimulation.

Choices all the time.

Not knowing what to do.

Wanting to play with four things but only having two hands.

And not knowing how to navigate that.

It's just too much.

On an unconscious level.

And you can see it clearer,

Hopefully,

With the example I just gave.

With a 3-year-old.

But it's happening to us,

Too.

You know?

It's happening to us,

Too.

And,

You know,

A lot of times we've noticed,

I think most people have noticed,

The overstimulation and the minimizing of our attention span.

Right?

Like everything's fast.

Like half the commercials on TV,

I can't even watch them.

Because I don't know what they're about.

Because it's too quick.

They're just flashing pictures.

Sometimes there's words to them.

Sometimes there's not.

And my eyes can't even focus on what the picture is before it moves to the next one.

So I just,

Like,

I give up on whatever.

I don't even pay attention.

This is the stuff I noticed after not watching TV for so many years.

And then watching sports.

Like I can handle watching sports.

I literally will mute the TV and just distract myself or just sit still until the commercials are over.

And then,

You know,

Take my attention off of it and glance up every once in a while.

I'll put the games back on and I'll put the volume back on.

Because I can't handle what's going on in the commercials.

Not only the fast-paced,

But the subconscious messages that they put on and what's accepted as normal now.

It's like,

Oh,

My God.

People are like,

Yeah,

You have a rash on your skin.

Well,

You can take this pill.

You take this pill and you might die or have heart palpitations or a stroke.

And they'll list,

You know,

20 other things that could happen.

And then they say,

Like,

This is literally happened in trials.

That,

Like,

Shocked me.

I think I mentioned this before.

Like,

It was literally a medication for having a skin rash and people died in the trials.

Like,

Fact.

It stated it right on the commercial that people have died.

Not that you might die or somebody might die,

But that people literally died during the trials and they approved it.

So,

To me,

That's like,

People,

They wouldn't be advertising this stuff if advertising wasn't causing people to buy it.

Right?

So,

People,

They're so used to hearing the warnings that they just dismiss the warnings and pretend that they don't even exist.

And then they end up taking medicine for a skin rash that has literally caused death.

Which,

You know,

My mind goes,

What does a medication have to do to not get approved?

Like,

If they approve medications to kill people that have literally killed people in trials for something as simple as a skin rash.

Like,

I could see,

Like,

If you're dying of cancer and they say,

Hey,

You might want to try this medication.

It's experimental and people have died,

But you're going to die anyway.

So,

Why don't you try this?

Like,

That,

To me,

Makes sense.

But for a skin rash,

I'm going to risk death?

I think there's other safer alternatives.

And why are we approving this stuff?

So,

This is,

So I can't handle the commercials,

So I don't do the commercials.

Because this is what happens in my mind.

It's like,

It's not socially acceptable to me anymore for some company to be telling me to buy medicine for a possible rash that could kill me.

That is so absurd that that's part of our reality right now.

I won't expose myself to it.

So,

I minimize the commercials and I minimize my exposure to that.

Because the exposure to it consistently will get me back to where I was before I moved over to the Dominican Republic,

Before I stopped watching TV.

Like,

It gets me to a place where I'm inundated by that and,

You know,

I don't even see it as an issue anymore.

I don't even acknowledge it.

It's just like,

Oh,

Do I need this medication?

Yes.

And I don't even think about the reality that it kills people.

And if,

Is that a good trade?

You know?

So,

To me,

The bad outweighs the good with the commercials.

So,

I won't do that.

So,

Do you,

Are you starting to see what I said in the beginning now already?

Like,

I can just bounce from topic to topic to topic to topic and show you how this applies in everything.

This is why I like understanding dynamics,

Which often I refer to as spiritual law or universal law or nature's laws.

Understanding the dynamics underneath things simplifies life.

I don't have to come up with a system and say,

Okay,

How do I decide whether I'm going to cut my hair?

Or how do I decide whether I'm going to watch commercials on television?

Or how am I going to decide where I want to live,

The United States or the Dominican Republic?

Or how am I going to decide what I want,

If I still should be in a relationship with somebody?

Or how do I decide,

Like,

This is,

Most often,

We complicate our lives with our brain,

Right?

Because what we do is we view all these things as different.

Like,

They have different dynamics that,

Like,

You have to handle them in different ways.

And there's different rules to them.

There's not.

It's very simple.

Like,

You just have to outweigh the good with the bad.

So,

If you're looking for a place to live,

Like,

I like living over here.

Why?

Because it's more peaceful over here.

It's more quiet over here.

The people are more community-oriented over here.

It's like taking a step back in time when you actually talk to your neighbors and stuff.

And there's not,

You know,

I'm up in the mountains because I don't like the businesses everywhere.

Like,

I see a picture of a city and I'm like,

Ugh.

I mean,

Don't get me.

Intellectually,

I understand what cities represent as far as how far we've come in creation as human beings.

And all the marvel of it.

And the architecture.

Like,

I understand that.

Right?

Some people,

Like,

They like to be in the city.

Because that's really important to them.

And they can look up at a building and just marvel at it.

And just be like,

Wow,

Look at how,

You know,

What we're capable of as human beings.

And the architecture options.

And it's just so amazing and beautiful.

And that,

Like,

Actually fills them up.

I look at that stuff and intellectually I'm like,

Wow,

This is major accomplishments that people are capable of doing.

Like,

Wow,

Holy cow,

Way to go.

You know?

Yippee-ki-yay.

But it doesn't make me feel all warm inside.

I actually don't like it.

It makes me feel closed in and away from nature.

I feel more comfortable surrounded by nature.

So that's where I should live.

I don't think everybody needs to live surrounded by nature.

I think most people would probably enjoy it more.

I think even if you live in a city,

If you find some way to connect with nature,

May it be plants in your house,

A garden on your roof,

Going to a park on a regular basis,

Or something.

I think anybody,

Human beings,

I think,

Get something out of connecting with nature.

But that doesn't mean that everybody needs to live in the middle of it like I do.

You know?

Many people can be very happy living in the city.

But you want to know why.

You know,

This is why this topic is so important.

It's because most people make decisions for the wrong reasons.

It's just not,

They don't pay attention to really what they like too much.

And to me,

That's everything.

What I like is everything.

That's the basis of all my decisions.

Whereas most people don't,

That's like an afterthought or it's very low on their priority list.

So most people will move to a city because they can make more money.

Okay.

Well,

A lot of times,

If you look at that,

If they move,

A lot of times they're paying three times more rent than they would outside the city.

So the price,

You know,

The pay increase of double doesn't even matter because they're paying three times more.

You know?

For food,

For car insurance,

For rent,

For renter's insurance,

For all this stuff.

You know?

But they don't look at that.

They just look very surfacy.

Oh,

Well,

You know,

I can make more money.

You know,

I can make $20,

000 more a year working here than I can work over there.

So I guess I'll go over there.

And it's like,

Well,

Wait,

You know,

One is the cost of living that much higher that it doesn't even equate to it.

You know,

That's one way of looking at it.

But really,

Like even I don't even go there until I figure out it's what I like.

So like me moving to a city,

It's never going to happen.

I'm never moving to a city.

I guarantee you I will never move to a city.

And very rarely do I say never.

Because I don't know what the future holds.

But there's certain things about me that I know.

I am not living in a city.

I don't care if I fall in love with some wonderful woman.

They want to live in a city.

Well,

I guess we're not compatible because I could never be happy living in a city.

Concrete and pavement and steel,

I don't like those things.

I don't feel comfortable around them.

I feel closed in when I'm around too much of that.

And it feels like I'm disconnecting from myself,

From nature,

And I don't like that feeling.

So I won't move to a city.

But that doesn't mean,

Like I said,

Other people shouldn't.

It just means that I shouldn't.

So like if somebody says,

Glenn,

I will pay you,

You know,

Whatever,

A ton of money to move to a city and live there.

The answer is no.

Now,

I mean,

If they say,

You know,

We'll give you $10 million to live in a city for one year.

Okay,

Now what?

Now we just broaden the picture,

Right?

So me living temporarily in a city,

Like I would never move to a city and stay.

Now,

If I could move to a city for one year and make $10 million and then go back to the country and do whatever I wanted with that,

You know,

Help other people,

Design the life of my dreams in different ways.

You know,

Then,

Of course,

The payoff is worth the inconvenience for a short period of time.

You know,

So we can.

This is an aspect of the conversation I didn't know that we were going to get into.

But it's interesting because you have to look at the picture as a whole to make these decisions.

But it doesn't change the dynamic.

You see.

So if I look at it short term,

Right,

And I'm gonna explain what I mean here.

If I look at it short term,

I go,

I will never live in a city.

Right.

As a general rule,

I will never live in a city.

But if I look at it long term with a high where I go,

Okay,

Well,

Now all of a sudden I just got offered an opportunity that impacts me for a lifetime.

Like ten million dollars could impact what I do from the age I am now until I die.

So like,

Okay,

Well,

Now we've got a broader picture.

So it's a different picture.

Same dynamic,

Different picture.

So now I go,

Okay,

Do I like living in a city?

No,

No,

I don't.

Okay.

You like living in nature?

Yes.

Yes.

Okay.

Well,

Would one year in the city.

That's a negative for Glenn.

One year in the city.

Would that give you the ability to live 50 years in nature or however long you last and give you the opportunity to help other people in certain in different ways that you want to.

And just really it's like,

Oh,

Well,

Yeah.

You know,

Now if we're looking at a big that changes everything,

Because now I only have one year of negative experience for 40 or 50 years of positive experience.

It's like,

Yeah,

I can do that.

I can totally accept living in a city for one year to get 40 years of.

Of joy.

That that's a very minimal trade off.

Right.

But it's the same dynamic.

It's does the good outweigh the bad.

And can you handle the bad?

Sometimes handling the bad depends on how long you have to handle it for.

Like,

So if if I'm going to live in the city,

Just live there indefinitely.

Well,

Then there's no good to outweigh that for me.

Like,

That's basically just bad.

Do you want to live in a city?

No,

I don't like living in a city.

OK,

What's the good in it?

Well,

There isn't any.

OK,

Well,

Easy decision.

Don't move to a city.

OK,

Wait,

I have another scenario for you.

Live in a city for one year,

Make 10 or 20 million dollars and then you can move wherever you want and do whatever you want after that.

Oh,

OK.

Completely different question.

Now,

Do I like living in a city?

No,

That's a negative.

But what what's the positive?

Oh,

Well,

I get to do whatever I want for 40 or 50 years.

Huge positive.

Yes.

Now that positive outweighs the negative.

OK,

So this is see the this is the dynamic.

Does the good outweigh the bad?

That is this is how to make choices.

This is how to find out what's right for you because it's different for every person.

Some people are like,

Oh,

My God,

I can't believe Glenn can live in the mountains in the Dominican Republic.

I could never do that.

I need to be in a city.

Oh,

OK,

Well,

There you go.

Make your decisions based on you and what you like and what's right for you.

But it's a very simple process.

You know,

And part of this is like sometimes we have a tendency to latch too much onto the negative.

Right.

We have to understand that there is a negative aspect and everything's everything.

So it's just outweighing it,

You know,

Here in the D.

R.

It's like,

You know,

The the the driving.

I mean,

I don't mind the driving,

But the driving is not safe here.

It's not you know,

We we we flew back.

My son and I flew back from Florida.

Was it last Monday or whatever,

Like a week and a half ago or something,

And it was a holiday over here.

And we drove from the airport home and it was,

Well,

Actually even more than that,

We had to drive past our house,

Go pick up the dog and then come back.

So we're on the road for,

I don't know,

I think we ate probably like four hours.

We're on the road three,

Four hours.

And we saw multiple accidents.

You know,

I probably saw at least three,

Maybe four accidents.

Well,

I was driving on the road because it's dangerous over here.

And then you mix in a holiday where,

Especially on a Monday.

So people have been drinking all weekend and they're drinking Monday.

By Monday afternoon,

There was,

You know,

I'm sure alcohol probably played a part in some of this.

So is,

You know,

The driving is dangerous.

Trying to get something done is difficult over here.

People that are really good at labor jobs.

You know,

There's some people that can work hard over here.

But the knowledge of things like electrical and plumbing and mechanics and,

You know,

Car mechanics and stuff like that.

There's not a lot of people over here that are trained really well.

And that can do things the right way in those areas.

So that's a drawback,

Right?

So there are drawbacks to living over here.

And some of those drawbacks,

People are like,

I could never live there.

Or they'd come over here and try living here.

And they're like,

Oh,

My God,

I can't deal with this.

And they'll move away.

And that's fine.

You know,

It's not right for them.

That's okay.

With those things.

And another thing is the trash over here.

Like,

They don't understand that littering is just wrecking their beautiful paradise that they have over here.

So they've been littering,

You know,

For their whole lives.

So they don't think anything of it.

And it's horrible to see these beautiful places filled with trash,

You know.

Not everything is filled with trash.

But there are places that are absolutely stunning and beautiful.

And they're just filled with trash.

And it's sad when you see it,

You know.

It's difficult to get used to.

How they treat animals is very different over here.

It's not real good.

So these are some of the negatives that I found living in the Dominican Republic.

But I have to.

I'm not going to live somewhere where I'm experiencing emotional pain all the time.

So I had to look at these things and say,

Okay,

What am I going to do internally in my brain when I see this?

Because right now I'm looking at it and it's very upsetting.

And I can't live in a place that upsets me all the time.

So what do I have to do?

Well,

I have to accept that it's part of their culture.

This is the bad in the good and bad equation.

This is the bad.

It's how it is.

Hopefully we can do things.

Sometimes we'll clean some stuff,

Areas up of the trash.

You take some action where you can.

But I can drive by some place and it's not like it breaks my heart.

I have to accept that this is the bad in the good.

And then I look at the good and I'm like,

Oh,

My God.

It's so peaceful,

Community-oriented,

A bunch of stuff that I was listing earlier.

I love the people.

They're happier.

They're not tied to attachments to things all the time and blah,

Blah,

Blah.

All kinds of wonderful,

Good things that I like living over here.

Simpler in nature,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah.

So it's like,

To me,

All the good outweighs the bad.

It's not that I'm denying it.

I'm aware that it's there.

I'm just choosing not to focus on it and practice some acceptance because it's not really in my capability of changing an entire country.

And I ain't going to try.

So I have to practice a level of acceptance with the aspects of things that I don't like and just accept them for being as they are,

Not resisting them.

If I resist them all the time,

It's going to get worse and worse and worse until I can't take it anymore and that's all I can see.

Then I flush the good away because the bad is consuming my perspective.

It's all I see after a while.

See,

This is what happens with relationships.

It's like in the beginning of a relationship,

You want the relationship to work.

Of course you do.

Most people want to be in a relationship.

That's why they date.

So most people want to be in one,

So they want it to work out.

So that's the honeymoon period.

They dismiss the negative aspects and all they see is the positive and they pretend the negative aren't really there or it's no big deal when sometimes they are.

And then over time,

When that initial high starts wearing off and you start seeing people for actually who they are,

Then all of a sudden there are negative aspects.

If you're not careful,

Those negative aspects start bothering you more.

And if you don't stop and make sense of,

We're so unconscious,

Man.

We are so unconscious how we live our lives.

We have to live consciously.

We have to slow down and be aware of what's happening.

Usually what happens is you have the honeymoon period and then reality starts setting in and you start seeing these negative things or they start bothering you more in your partner or in your relationship or both and you just let them bother you.

People just let it bother them and they don't address it.

They don't try to work through it.

They don't try to look at it and go,

Okay,

Wait a minute.

How much mental space is this taking up?

If I keep focusing on this,

It's going to be all I see after a while.

They don't do that.

They just go on with their lives and go on with their lives and hope that they don't have to fix anything until the negative aspects that haven't been addressed turn into a major issue and a major fight.

And then now you're completely at odds with each other.

If there is something in your life that's bothering you,

Slow down and figure out how you need to look at it.

Look at the big picture.

Look at your relationship and be like,

Okay,

You know what?

It bothers me that – I got to try to think of something menial.

It bothers me that sometimes this person forgets to text me when they get home even though I ask them.

Let's say that that's one.

So that bothers me.

Okay,

Well,

What are you going to do with that?

You need to do something with it.

If something bothers you,

You have to do something with it.

You can't just push it aside and pretend that it doesn't bother you.

If it bothers you,

It's going to expand until it's dealt with.

So what you have to do is stop and look at it and go,

Okay,

How much does this bother me?

Some people are going to tie it into other actions or really take it seriously for one reason or another.

It's something that's important to them.

No judgment.

Some people it's important to.

If that's the case,

You might have to have a conversation with your partner about this,

Like a serious conversation and explain why it means a lot to you and kind of be like,

Okay,

I understand that it might not mean a lot to you.

That's why you forget to do it,

But it means a lot to me.

So could you start doing this just out of respect for me?

Because I just have this tendency to worry or whatever your reasons are.

And then hopefully you two can work through that in your relationship.

Other people are going to look at it and go,

Okay.

Yeah,

Of course I want them to text me.

That's why I asked them to text me.

But is it a big deal?

Can I just tell myself,

Hey,

Honestly,

Sometimes they're going to forget and sometimes they'll do it.

It's not a big deal.

And just don't let it bother you.

Just accept the reality that sometimes they will and sometimes they won't.

And you got to be able to be honest with yourself when you're doing this.

And if you can honestly accept it without it bothering you,

Then you're good.

And maybe it doesn't need to be addressed and you can move on.

But each person has to decide that for themselves.

Again,

It's the good outweighs the bad.

Like the fact that they don't text me when they get home,

That is a bad in anybody's book if that's what they want.

So it's a bad.

Then you compare it to the good.

Be like,

Okay,

Well,

Can I accept this?

Or is this too big of a deal where I can't just move on with my life?

Then if you can't move on with your life,

Then the bad is too big.

It's too big.

You can't get to a place of peace while this is going on.

So it needs to be addressed with the partner.

Other people can be like,

No,

I can make peace with it and have it not bother me,

Truly not bother me.

I'll push aside and pretend that it doesn't bother me.

I can actually have this not bother me.

I just got to retrain my brain for a few weeks and just be like,

Whenever it pops up,

I got to go.

Hey,

Listen,

You agreed that this is part of being in a relationship.

You brought it up once they talked to you.

They said,

Really,

It's not high on their priority list.

And I can quiet my mind so it doesn't drive me crazy.

So I'll let this slide.

So now being in a relationship and accepting that this person is like this,

That provides a tremendous amount of good because now you're in a happy relationship.

And that outweighs this little bad.

But if for you that little bad is too big and it keeps slamming into this relationship,

Tearing it down,

Well,

Then that's your choice and it has to be addressed.

See,

It's the same dynamic.

Does the good outweigh the bad?

So I'm just going to try to go into like one more aspect of this dynamic,

Kind of a broader vision.

When you're looking at this,

There is going to be good and bad.

Some things,

You know,

I just alluded to it in that last example.

But I want to pinpoint this.

We have to be able to accept some of the negative aspects of whatever we're in.

We have to because nothing is perfect.

No person is perfect.

No place to live is perfect.

No job is perfect.

So we have to be able to balance that out with the more good and the less bad.

So I moved from Rhode Island to Florida as soon as I could.

As soon as Mateo was old enough and he was on board with moving down to Florida,

We moved to Florida.

Why?

Because it's warmer.

I like warmer weather.

I like being outside.

I like being in nature more.

I like that.

So after having lived there for 10 years before,

I knew that I liked warmer climates and I knew that I wanted to live in a warmer climate.

So after 14 years of being in Rhode Island,

Freezing my butt off most of the year,

You know,

But that was the right thing for me at that time.

Why?

Because I had a choice,

And this is literally how I made the choice to move up to Rhode Island,

And this was how I prevented myself from getting upset from moving to Rhode Island,

Freezing my ass off even though I didn't want to for 14 years.

How did I not drive myself crazy?

Because I outweighed the good with the bad.

I looked at it and I said,

Okay,

You can either be warm or you can be a father to your son and with your son.

That's your choice.

And I went,

Okay,

Well,

Being a father to my son and in his life on a daily basis is more important to me than the climate that I'm in.

So I choose be with my son.

That's how I made the choice.

It was very simple.

I want to be with my son.

Yeah,

But you're going to be in an environment that you don't like.

Yeah,

Okay.

But being with my son is the most important thing.

So I'm going to do whatever it takes to do that.

And what that required was me living in an environment that I didn't like.

Okay.

And for 10 years,

I was fine.

After about 10 years,

It was wearing on me.

Now,

I still stuck with that choice because the good still outweighed the bad.

So I wasn't going to change my choice.

It was just a little bit more difficult.

The winters were getting colder and more snow.

And after 10 years of being in an environment you don't like,

It starts to wear on you.

So it wasn't quite as easy the last four years.

But I wasn't depressed or angry or resentful because I still stood by my choice.

I still was choosing be with my son over an environment that I didn't like.

So then I moved to Florida.

Now that I'm in Florida,

It's like,

Oh,

Okay,

I'm in a warm environment.

I intended to put roots down.

Next thing you know,

I come over to the Dominican Republic,

Experience life over here,

Fall in love with it.

Oh,

My God.

And then I go back and I move over here.

Why?

Because the good outweighed the bad.

The good,

See,

Moving to Florida from Rhode Island was good.

I had more of what I liked in Florida than I did in Rhode Island.

And less of what I didn't like in Florida than Rhode Island.

So that was a good move.

Then I moved to the Dominican Republic.

Why?

Because the Dominican Republic has more of what I like and more extreme versions of it.

Nature,

Waterfalls,

Mountains,

Hiking,

All that stuff I like has more of what I like.

And it has less of what I don't like with all the concrete and the busyness and the high cost of living and all that stuff.

So it has less of the things I don't like and more of the things that I do like.

So it's a good move.

This is how I always make my decisions.

You know,

Like people sometimes say,

Like,

Why do you make these drastic changes in your life?

Or how do you make it so easy?

This is how.

Because I simplify it.

It's just a very simple choice.

So,

Like,

I don't understand how people don't change their lives for the better.

Like,

That to me,

Like,

I mean,

I understand it intellectually.

I just can't relate to it personally.

So I have to,

Like,

Disconnect my preferences and just try to relate,

Connect with what they want.

So I can understand other people.

I can do it,

But I have to disconnect my preferences because I don't relate.

I can't relate to living in a situation that I don't like and not changing it.

I can't relate to that.

I pretty much never lived my life like that.

Even when I was drinking for 20 years and living dysfunctionally.

Like,

I didn't know.

I didn't know this dynamic per se,

But I still kind of lived by it.

And I didn't know how to choose the right things.

My brain was so scrambled and,

Like,

I couldn't get out of my own way.

I was living unconsciously.

So did I do it right?

No,

I didn't do it right when I was drinking for those 20 years.

But my intention underneath was similar.

I was looking for what I wanted.

You know,

Like,

When I got a job,

Like,

I used to do deliveries because I wouldn't have a boss over my ass all the time.

So I took delivery jobs,

Even though they didn't pay that well.

And also,

I mean,

Sometimes I could drink,

Too.

I was an alcoholic,

So that helped.

But so I was looking for things that could give me a life that I wanted.

I don't like bosses on my ass all the time,

So I tried to avoid jobs that had them.

You know,

I moved to Florida at a young age.

Even the reason I drank was because I didn't like how I felt when I wasn't drinking.

Right?

I mean,

Like I said,

I mean,

The things I was doing were dysfunctional,

But the intention was good.

The intention was to not live a life that I didn't like.

I didn't accomplish it while I was drinking because I couldn't get out of my own way,

And I kept doing stupid things that didn't actually work.

But I was leaning towards things that I liked.

It's just when I was young,

The things that I liked were usually alcohol involved and illegal.

They had major drawbacks that I didn't take into consideration because I was unconscious.

I wasn't really doing this consciously.

I wasn't thinking things through and going,

Yes,

I'm going to drink every day for 20 years because I like drinking.

No,

It wasn't.

It was just.

I liked how I felt when I drank,

So I drank no long term thinking,

No understanding of dynamics,

No understanding that there's a gigantic negative aspect to drinking.

If you do it all the time,

You know,

Like I wasn't capable of that yet,

So I wasn't using the dynamic correctly.

Therefore,

My life sucked ass.

Right.

This is why I want to teach you guys this.

This is why I teach you guys everything.

Everything that I've learned is practical stuff to implement into your life now to make your life experience more pleasant while you're here on Earth.

It's very practical.

So.

So,

Yeah,

It's it's it's the dynamic.

You just have to look at things,

Understanding that there are bad things.

Can you make peace with those bad things and how,

You know,

Is there another option that gives you more of what you like?

Go for that.

So,

You know,

People that are sitting there going like,

You know,

Somebody asked me why I moved so much years ago.

Well,

Many people ask me why I moved so much years ago.

And they used to say,

Like,

Oh,

You like moving.

I'm like,

No,

I hate moving.

They're like,

Then why do you do it so much?

It's like,

Well,

Because I'm looking like if I'm at where I'm at and the the good.

That like I'm not enjoying the good so much and the bad is getting more.

You know,

Over time or I find something else that has more of what I would like and less of what I don't like.

If I come across something like that or my mind starts envisioning it,

Boy,

Wouldn't it be nice to to to live like this?

You know,

Now all of a sudden I'm sitting there and like if I then I start doing research,

I start following those thoughts.

Oh,

You know,

Now all of a sudden I have an option over here that from my perspective gives me more of what I like and less of what I don't like.

And then in the present situation that I'm in now,

Which doesn't have as much of what I do like and it doesn't and it has more of what I don't like in comparison.

When I'm in an environment like that,

I have to make the change.

I have to like to me,

I don't have a choice.

I cannot like this is what I was saying earlier.

I can't relate to I can't fathom.

I cannot live my life.

It doesn't make sense to me.

And it doesn't mean that it doesn't make sense to other people.

I understand that it does to other people.

It doesn't make sense to me.

I don't live my life in the way that if I know that there's a situation or scenario where I'm going to have more of what I like in my life and less of what I dislike.

But instead of doing that because of some uncomfortability in moving or,

You know,

Making the change into that.

There's this uncomfortability and change,

Right?

For all of us.

I mean,

I I'm okay with change and there's still uncomfortability there.

Takes a little while to get used to the new and stuff like that.

So that little pocket of uncomfortability.

I pay very little attention to it because I'm focused on the end goal.

So,

Like,

I'm sitting here going like,

Okay,

So wait,

I'm just going to be inconvenienced and a little bit out of sorts for a few weeks until I move and get into this new environment where I'm going to be happier and have less of what I don't like.

Okay,

I can manage being uncomfortable for a few weeks to get to what I really what I would rather have.

What I can't do is stay in a scenario that I'm not really happy in and go,

No,

I'm not going to go through those few weeks of uncomfortability.

I'm just going to stay where I am because I don't know.

It's good enough.

Like,

I don't my brain doesn't do that.

You know,

And I think that people do it too much.

They just distract themselves.

I mean,

Sometimes,

You know,

It's okay.

There's okay.

It's okay.

If you live like that and you're honestly okay internally.

But for the most part,

If there's something that you would rather have and you don't do it,

Are you really being honest with yourself?

Go for it,

Man.

What?

Life isn't about being safe.

Well,

Like,

Life isn't about well,

At least it doesn't suck horribly.

Like,

I don't want to get on my deathbed and somebody stick a microphone in my face and say,

Well,

Glenn,

You stayed in the same place your whole life.

And don't get me wrong.

Staying in the same place your whole life.

That can be really good for some people.

You know,

So I don't want to I don't want to give the impression that I'm saying that you have to change things all the time.

I'm not.

No,

You don't.

That's just how it played out with me.

I know plenty of people from my little small town,

Hometown in Gardner,

Massachusetts,

That have stayed in Gardner.

Some probably not off the top of my head,

But some I'm sure even live bought their parents house that they grew up in and live in that.

Like that.

That's fine for certain people.

I'm not saying that everybody has to travel the world or anything.

If that truly makes you happy,

Then do that.

What I'm saying is if it doesn't make you happy,

Don't do that.

Okay.

Just to be clear,

I don't want people to get caught up in the specifics and go,

Oh,

Glenn thinks everybody should live like he lives.

No,

That's not what I'm saying.

If it really actually does make you happy and you're joyful,

Then do that.

And I fully support that.

But there's a lot of people that are doing that,

Staying the same when it's not making them happy.

Those are the people that I'm really talking to.

Be honest with yourself.

If it's not making you happy,

Staying where you are,

Then move.

And I'm not just talking,

You know,

Where you live,

Like change your job,

Change your relationship,

Change your house,

Change your whatever you don't like.

If there's an option that has more of what you do like and less of what you don't like,

Please go make the change.

Because why?

You know,

Why?

Well,

I was uncomfortable,

But not extremely uncomfortable.

I was semi uncomfortable my entire life.

Is that what you want to say on your deathbed?

Well,

I was semi uncomfortable.

I kind of didn't like my life,

But I didn't extremely hate it for 70 years.

Oh,

My God.

Like,

That's what you did with your life.

You just tried to get to a place where you didn't want to shoot yourself.

Like,

You just didn't want to feel like the uncomfortability wasn't bad enough to drive you crazy.

Like,

That was your goal in life.

That's what you achieved on your time here.

Oh,

My God.

Like,

Life is so much more valuable than that.

Life is so like,

Let's just live our life to try to reach to,

You know,

Like,

You deserve to be happy.

Try to design the life that makes you happy.

And this is how to do it.

It's a very simple dynamic.

I want,

Look for things that have more of the good and less of the bad.

Being completely aware that some things have bad in them,

And you might have to practice some acceptance in some of those things.

That's where I am in DR.

I love,

Love,

Love a lot of the good.

And some of the bad,

I had to practice some acceptance because like the littering and the treatment of animals,

It's like,

That's hard.

Like,

Some of that stuff,

Some of that stuff,

When you see it,

It's jolting,

You know.

But I had to look at it and say,

Excuse me,

And say,

Glenn,

Can you accept this?

And I had to work on it to accept it because it really did bother me at first.

It's like,

Okay,

You're not going to change a culture that's been around for thousands of years.

You're not going to do that.

So you're either going to have to make peace with it.

And,

You know,

If there's things that I can do here and there,

You know,

I'll try to do it to help change things.

But I,

But I can't change a whole country and then be happy.

So I have to be in a place of acceptance with it.

Just be like,

Live and let live.

This is,

They think differently.

And I'm not here to judge them.

And I'm not here to change them.

I'm here to live my life in a place where I experience the most good that I enjoy.

And accept or deal with the negative aspects in a healthy way.

Can I do that?

Yes.

Okay,

Cool.

So that's going to do it,

Peeps.

Hopefully,

I gave enough examples where you can,

You know,

Draw the line and just understand that this is a simple dynamic that plays out in basically every scenario.

Out there.

I phrased it in different ways,

But when you get underneath,

It's the same dynamic.

So.

Hope that helps.

Thanks for listening and or watching.

And I will talk with you soon.

Peace.