Topics-Stillness, Boundaries. Live Q & A Recorded On 1/21/21

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Hello everybody.

What's happening?

Now is when I start asking you guys to put comments and I will answer them live.

See it?

I see my banner.

See my ticker?

So yeah,

Let me get on to the comments here.

So here we are.

This is the beginning so I need you guys chiming in saying yes Glenn.

I'm here and I can hear you.

That way I know that I'm not talking to the air.

People looking at me like I'm a little bit cracked up.

Yeah,

Glenn had this really interesting live Q&A where his mouth was moving.

I think it was like Buddha's sermon when he held up the flower.

I think you were supposed to not hear him and just like derive the meaning.

Hey Sarah,

So you can hear me?

I'm live and doing okay.

So yeah,

Because I'm going to assume that you guys can hear me because Sarah probably would have said,

Howdy,

I can't hear you.

So I think we're good.

But yeah,

You know,

As always,

Send your questions and I'm going to feed off of that.

So and look.

Okay,

Cool.

Thank you,

Sarah.

She can hear me.

So and look,

I have I moved stuff.

My banner is a little bit different behind me.

And then I put picture of my son up there and me and my son getting fancy in here.

So so I will,

Of course,

You know,

Keep my eyes on the comments so I can start answering your questions because that's what I'm here for.

But since I don't have any yet,

I'm just going to start firing away on a topic that I've been thinking of lately.

And basically,

It's about stillness and inspiration.

So we spend a lot of time and I'm just going to look at my note here a little bit.

We spend a lot of time like just trying to figure things out.

You know,

We're always trying to figure stuff out.

And and you know,

When I talk about stuff,

Sometimes it comes out a little bit differently.

And when it comes out differently,

I try to pay attention to that because it's like,

Oh,

OK,

Cool.

Like that's kind of a new way to look at this.

You know,

It's not necessarily a new concept,

But it's a new way to come at that concept.

And then spirituality,

It's endless.

So this was just kind of a new way that seemed pretty clear that.

You know,

We're always starting we're always trying to figure out what we should do next.

And you know what we should do with our lives and.

And and how to fit this self-care in and do all this stuff.

And we're so addicted to movement.

That we.

That we don't really we just continue with the movement.

So like one of the biggest things we need to learn how to do is to be still,

Just to relax.

And I don't mean go watch a movie.

I mean,

Really just be able to sit there doing nothing,

Not meditating,

Not nothing,

Just literally just sitting there doing nothing.

And it's not that's not the end game.

It's not.

You don't do it so you can sit around doing nothing.

That's the starting point.

The starting point is we need to be able to just sit still and not do anything for five minutes.

As simple as that sounds,

Most people can't do it.

I mean,

I even struggle with it sometimes.

You know,

It's just like,

Oh,

I'll just sit here and read.

I'll just sit here and scroll Facebook.

I'll just sit here and think of I'll sit here and do nothing.

And then I realize I'm thinking about the you know what I'm going to do next or what I did already or what I can do next or what the future.

No that's sitting there thinking that's not sitting there doing nothing.

So just literally sitting there being still.

Just giving yourself permission to just not do anything and not be in the process of planning anything or not being the process of remembering anything and judging it or none of that.

Just sit there and do nothing.

Try it for one minute.

You know,

Maybe you can do it for five minutes at some point.

So like I said,

That's very,

Very,

Very,

Very important.

We need to stop.

It disconnects our brain from constantly going.

So it disconnects that that momentum.

And the other thing that it does is it gives us the ability for inspiration to arise,

Inspired action to arise out of the stillness.

You know,

Instead of figuring out what you need to do next,

Like if you can just relax a little bit and pay attention to your life,

A lot of times it just rises up to the surface.

It just kind of,

Things start falling into place.

And you know,

I think my life has been a fairly good example of this because like I'm an action figure,

But most of the action I've taken in my life when it was a thought out action,

What should I do next?

Let me think about what I should do next and what it should look like and when I should do it and how I should do it.

And then I create something and I put it out there and a lot of times just out of sheer luck or will,

It might do okay or it might fail,

But that's,

It's usually one of those two.

Never have I done anything in my life that really turned out well,

That I've really planned.

The things that have turned out really well in my life were the things that I didn't plan.

You know,

Now my eyes are open and I'm participating in my own life and I'm having conversations with people and I'm tossing ideas around,

But I'm not,

But I'm doing just that.

I'm tossing ideas around.

I'm not trying to figure out the answer.

And that,

Trying to figure out the answer constricts our energy.

Hey Laura.

That really constricts our energy,

Trying to figure out the answer.

It tightens us.

And we need to be relaxed for divine inspiration just to bubble up within us and coincidences,

Synchronicities to start falling into place.

We need to be more relaxed.

And we're constantly trying to figure out what we're supposed to be doing.

So if we can just relax,

All of a sudden it's like,

Oh,

Well this seems right.

I'll do that.

And you just do it.

And then it starts working out better.

It's,

You know,

And things fall into place and you're like,

All of a sudden it becomes obvious because you're still gathering information.

You're not sitting around on your butt,

Not doing nothing,

Not doing anything.

That sounded really horrible.

So you're not sitting around on your butt,

Not doing anything.

You are participating in your life and you're having conversations and you're looking into things,

But you're not looking into things and having conversations to see what comes out of it.

Like what does this mean?

What does this mean?

We always want to know the answers,

You know?

And that's what we need to let go of.

It's an attachment to the outcome and it's trying to control things.

And if we just gather information and keep our eyes open and keep our head on a swivel and look left and look right and pay attention to the synchronicities,

All of a sudden it's like the perfect thing just bubbles up and is right in our lap.

And to not do it would feel really weird.

Like it's just a bodily knowing that this is what we should be doing and it seems very easy and very natural.

And I think everybody has had experiences with that.

Everybody's had experiences of,

Of just kind of,

You know,

Things kind of coming together or coming into your peripheral and going,

Oh wow,

You know,

This seems right.

It just feels right.

I think I'm going to do this.

You know,

It just seems right.

Or I knew it was right.

I knew it was the right thing to do.

I could feel it.

You know,

We've all had those experiences.

So it's not that they're that elusive,

It's that we don't live in a manner that helps them come up more often.

And this is what stillness does.

And a lot of times it's like,

I'll be like,

Hey,

You know,

Just,

You know,

Slow down and be still.

And they're like,

Yeah,

Okay,

Cool.

You know,

Then somebody will slow down.

They'll be like,

Okay,

All right,

So I'm slow.

So now that I,

Now that I've stopped,

What do I do?

Like what,

What should I do?

What should I do?

It's like,

Well,

Like,

Well,

Just relax.

Like I don't know,

Look into some stuff.

Yeah.

But what,

What like,

What should I do next?

What should I do next?

It's like,

Well,

It's,

It's a way of life.

You have to be still for a little while and allow things to bubble up.

But like I said,

You know,

When I was given the example in the beginning,

I'm saying,

Be still for a minute,

Five minutes.

I'm not saying sit on the couch for eight hours and be still.

That's not what I'm talking about.

I'm not saying don't participate in your own life.

I'm not saying don't research things.

Don't look into things.

Don't,

It's just,

Don't look into things like they're the key to your next piece of happiness.

You know,

Light.

I think we have to lighten up a little bit.

Relax.

Be still and allow the inspiration to bubble up.

And in the meantime,

Yeah.

Play around,

Experiment,

Look into things.

Oh,

Does this capture my attention?

I don't know.

Are they hiring over here?

Maybe this would be a good job for me.

You know,

What,

What,

What is starting a business look like?

I don't know.

Well,

You know,

Maybe I could go talk to a,

A person,

You know,

They have tons of free resources like with small business administrations and stuff.

Go set an appointment with somebody,

Sit down,

Talk with them for a little bit.

You know,

But it doesn't have to be like so,

Oh,

So constricted and tight.

Well,

What am I going to do?

What's the point?

What?

I have to plan my future.

And you know,

No,

You have to let your future arise out of you.

That's what you need to do.

You need to relax a little bit,

Interact with life and allow the obvious thing to pop up.

And you can do it in a lot of situations.

So and Hey,

Cindy,

Um,

You know,

Pop that up.

Hi,

Cindy and Laura.

And of course,

Sarah and guys,

Fire some questions at me,

Please.

So I can,

Uh,

You know,

Feed off that energy and just kinda,

And I mean,

Heck,

You guys are here listening.

He might as well get some free life coaching,

You know,

But yeah,

There's a lot of overlap in spirituality.

So,

You know,

When you start going down these roads,

They always overlap into like,

What is another lesson?

This is why I have,

You know,

Almost 200 podcasts out there.

And I can still,

You know,

And,

And we're still talking.

Oh,

And Nicole,

Nicole,

Like loves my hat.

Thank you.

I designed it myself.

Kind of.

I mean,

I think that the logo was like one picture that I found online and had like a stitched onto a hat.

And I did the,

I did this,

Um,

Shirt too.

I found the logo online,

Heavily meditated.

That's me.

I'm heavily meditated.

So I got all my spiritual stuff that I designed and,

And I'll get heavily meditated on the back too.

Um,

Yeah.

Make your own stuff,

Man.

It's cool.

Um,

It's all in black today too.

Um,

Dave,

How are you,

My friend?

Setting up a little good advice.

When someone calls you and they're always negative,

How do I set boundaries?

Okay,

Let me,

And if you,

You know,

If you guys don't want me to put a comment up,

You know,

Just put,

You know,

Don't put this up or something and I'll read it without your name.

Uh,

When someone calls you and they are always negative,

How do I set boundaries without hurting their feelings?

Excellent question.

Honestly,

I mean this,

This,

I've had this conversation many times because it's a,

It's,

It's a problem for many,

Many,

Many people.

Think about the,

Think about the people who that I generally run into and listen to my stuff.

They're generally people with big hearts,

You know,

So this is such a common question and what really,

I mean I can tell you how to set boundaries without hurting their feelings,

But it's not going to work probably.

And so I,

I answer the question in a different way.

Um,

Because the reason the problem with this is that you're concerned about hurting their feelings by setting boundaries.

That's where the problem lies.

So if you get clarity on that,

Then your intention will be different.

The way you perceive this situation will be different and then you're more likely to be able to set boundaries without hurting their feelings.

So it's not about what you do,

It's about why you do it.

It's about the energy in which you do it.

And if you shift your perception on the topic,

Then you're going to come at it from a different energy.

So you can kind of start seeing why I love this question.

So what you have to understand is that like we think this is a global problem,

I think,

And we're starting to work our way out of it.

People think that the way to be nice is to reinforce the fact that the other person is a victim of life.

We don't consciously think about it that way.

It's just what everybody does.

And it's so common that sometimes when you act differently than that,

The person either can get upset or really thrown off.

And this happens to me regularly or well,

Not so much anymore,

But throughout my life,

It's happened to me quite a bit over the last 17 years since I woke up spiritually.

So it's because people say,

Oh,

You're a life coach and they want to throw up their negative shit all over you.

And that's not what I do.

I don't sit there listening to negativity.

I'm there to,

Like if somebody is in a negative spot,

I'm not going to go into that negativity with them.

I would be crazy in a year.

So like what I do is I stand on the solution shore and they're down into the negativity pit and I throw them a rope and help guide them up into the solution.

But I never climb into their negativity with them.

I never reinforce their negativity.

So when somebody is calling you and they're going,

Oh my God,

This sucks so bad.

This is so horrible.

What they're doing is they're saying,

I am a victim of life or I am a victim of somebody else.

They're a victim of something.

If they are talking about negativity,

They are a victim of something or someone.

And then when we sit there and we go,

Yeah,

I know it's tough.

So sorry to hear that.

You know,

I know it's not fair.

Poor you.

We're just saying,

Yes,

You're a victim.

Yes,

You are a victim and it's not fair.

And that,

And which everybody,

That's not too surprising,

But if you dig deeper into what that means,

Yes,

You are a victim.

Yes,

You have no control over your life.

So therefore there was no hope for you to ever be happy again.

There's nothing you can do.

And you are just floating around this planet and every time some asshole crosses your path,

They are going to trash your life and life itself might just come along and trash your life too.

And there's really nothing you can do about it.

So I'm just gonna reinforce the fact that there's nothing you can do.

You're a victim and life sucks.

And this is what we call being a friend.

It's like,

You know,

So I don't,

When I start being a friend with somebody,

I can't,

You know,

I mean,

I try to,

Sometimes people just need to be heard,

You know,

To get something off your chest,

Their chest.

We all need that.

I need that sometimes.

But it's every once in a while and it's short-lived.

You can get stuff off your chest in five minutes.

It's off.

The rest is just reinforcing the story of how horrible it is.

And it's unnecessary.

And I just can't do that.

I just don't have patience for that.

So I mean,

I can do it a couple times with a friend.

I can't do it with clients really,

You know,

I mean,

Maybe a little on the first phone call,

But with friends,

I just can't really,

You know,

I can't do it for that long.

I'm not their life coach,

So I try to keep my mouth shut to some degree and just kind of be like,

Wow,

Yeah,

Hey,

You're in the middle of a tough time.

We've all been there,

You know,

You know,

You can't get out of it.

And I try to lift them up and empower them a little bit without diving too deeply into it,

You know?

But I mean,

If they keep doing it,

I just have to tell them,

I'm like,

Listen,

I'm just solution-based.

So like if they start talking,

Right,

And I,

They go,

Oh man,

I can't believe,

You know,

This,

This is happening to me,

You know,

Oh,

I lost my job and I don't know what I'm going to do for money.

It's like,

Oh,

That's a tough situation.

So you know,

What,

What can I do to help,

You know,

Throw solution out there,

Just try to change the subject onto solution.

And a lot of times people aren't used to that,

You know,

They don't usually get defensive.

I mean,

With that,

You know,

That usually works pretty good.

Just,

Just try to change the subject onto solution.

Hey,

I'm here for you.

How can I help?

What can we do to shift your situation?

Oh,

There's no shifting it.

Oh,

Well,

Well,

There's gotta be a way.

Or you can be like,

Oh,

All right.

Well then,

You know,

Just talking about it,

Reinforcing it just makes you feel horrible.

And I makes me feel horrible.

So maybe we shouldn't,

If,

If there's nothing we're going to do about it,

Then maybe we just shouldn't talk about it,

You know?

But honestly,

I had to really understand.

So now,

Now,

You know,

I kind of threw some tools in there a little bit,

But I'm kind of going back to the concept.

I had to really understand what I thought a good friend was.

Do I think a good friend is one that will sit there and commiserate with my friend and make them feel better momentarily,

But not actually fix the problem so that their life doesn't get better?

Like they'll feel,

You know,

It's like eating ice cream or chocolate.

When you feel bad,

It's like,

I mean,

Yeah,

You might feel a little bit better for 15 minutes,

But the problem's still there.

You didn't do anything to fix it,

You know?

So when you commiserate with somebody and you go,

Oh yeah,

I know it's not fair.

It's not fair.

It's not your fault.

And they,

They get a little bit like,

Yeah,

It's not my fault.

They think they want that.

They think they want it to not be their fault,

But they don't really want that because that means that they have no control over their own life or their own happiness.

And they're doomed to misery for the rest of their lives.

So they don't really want it.

They just think that they want it because they're used to getting it.

And it feels just a little bit good for a few minutes.

But when you start showing people,

Hey,

I'm here for you.

I'm here to help.

You don't,

You know what?

You don't deserve to live a horrible life.

What you deserve is some happiness.

So let's figure out how to get you there.

Let's figure out a way to deal with this situation.

So you won't be in it two weeks from now,

Two months from now,

Two years from now,

Whatever the case may be,

You know?

So it's,

You got to steer them towards solution because what we're doing,

If,

If you really look at it,

Commiserating with people and not setting boundaries and allowing them to just call you up and complain,

What it is,

Is enabling.

It's just another form of enabling.

You're enabling them to not fix their problems.

You're enabling them to,

To just continue living a miserable life and not take responsibility for their own life.

And it's like,

I mean,

You know,

Not,

Not to put anybody down.

Like I have,

I have no problem.

I don't give a crap what somebody has been through.

I have no problem being their friend as long as they are willing to work towards a solution.

If there is somebody and yeah,

My clients too,

Of course,

But that goes for friendship too.

I mean,

Why would it,

Why would I want to hang around or just even talk to somebody that is negative all the time?

Just bringing my energy down,

Like what,

What I don't,

I don't need a friend like that.

Thank you.

So you,

You know,

If,

If you're willing to change and willing to,

To better your life and there are better days ahead,

Then,

Hey,

I'm your biggest cheerleader.

I will help you out however I can.

I'll be your best friend.

I'll do whatever I possibly can to help you.

But if you just want to sit around and complain,

No,

I have no room or patience for that.

And I don't care who it is,

Who I don't,

I don't care if it's family.

I don't care if it's somebody I've known for 40 years.

I don't give a crap who it is.

There comes a time where,

Like I said,

It's okay for people that are going through a rough time to get stuff off their chest.

It's fine.

Everybody needs to do it every once in a while.

It's okay to be a sympathetic year all the time.

I mean every once in a while,

But that's not what we're talking about.

This is,

You know,

This says when they are always negative and we all know people like that.

So like,

I mean,

I'm okay if there is somebody I'm okay with people being upset with me.

I guess that,

You know,

That's another important part.

Like it's okay.

It's okay if somebody gets upset with you,

Even if it's a family member or a friend,

It's okay.

Some people are so knee deep in the negativity.

When you're in negativity,

Positivity doesn't really usually taste so good.

So like a lot of times people who are very negative just stop talking to me.

And I honestly,

I don't think it's really because they're mad at me.

I know some of them are.

Usually it doesn't manifest that much though.

They just go like,

I've,

I've literally worked in environments with other people where,

Where I just didn't engage in negativity.

And if somebody brought a problem to me,

Then I would start working on a solution with them.

And as we know,

A lot of people aren't looking for a solution.

They just want to complain.

So like,

I've literally been like,

People have walked into work and I'd be the first one that they see.

And they're like,

Oh my God,

Glenn,

You're never going to believe what happened.

And there was,

And then all of a sudden you see that the little thing click inside their brain of who they're talking to and they recognize that it's me and that I don't listen to this stuff.

And they're like,

Oh,

And then they make an excuse and they're like,

Oh,

Nevermind.

Nevermind.

And they walk away and then you see them grab the first person they see and go,

So you're never going to believe what happened to me.

And I'll go over to my desk and just start laughing because I'm like,

Yeah,

If you're looking for that guy,

I ain't that guy.

You know,

Absolutely go find somebody else to commiserate and whine with.

I just don't.

And it makes my life more pleasurable.

People not seeing me as an emotional dumping ground.

So my life gets better.

And then the people that are around me are more focused on solution because that's what I'm offering them.

So their lives get better.

And then the people who are interested in solution just kind of,

They just don't really talk to me that much.

And they just don't really come near me too much.

And I'm like,

Cool.

Cause I don't want to have the conversations you want to have.

You know,

There's nothing wrong with them.

They have the right to live in misery and be negative all the time.

I just also have the right to not live in misery and negativity all the time.

So you go be negative over there and I'll be positive over here and we can both live life exactly how we choose to.

You know,

So I think hopefully that kind of helps.

And then I got a follow up here from Sarah.

So how do you,

Would you suggest we help a friend who doesn't take action on solutions?

Well,

My first one is think this is you can't.

So stop trying,

You know,

I mean,

That's a short answer,

But I'll,

You know,

I'll go into it more.

So yeah,

It's,

You have to,

So this is what I do like to help a friend who doesn't take action on solutions.

So what you can really try to do that can sometimes it helps as kind of like a last ditch effort is you can really,

You know,

When,

When we say take action and even say solutions,

Those can be kind of broad.

Sometimes taking action is a shift of perception.

You know,

Sometimes it's not actual action that can be measured in the physical world,

You know?

So usually what I'll do in a situation like that is I'll just sit down and I'll go,

Okay,

Hey,

Friend,

Like,

Let's go all in,

Man.

Let's go all in.

You know,

You've been having a tough go of it lately and life is too short.

We got to get you happy.

We need to get you through this.

We need to get you on this solution.

We need to have some concrete stuff.

Most of the time,

A lot,

Well,

This is a little off topic,

But a lot of times when people don't take action,

It's because the action is too big.

So like,

You can be like,

Oh,

Have a talk with your boss.

Well,

That's too big.

It might,

It might be too big,

You know?

So get really tiny,

Tiny,

Tiny little pieces of action that are like minuscule.

Like if somebody,

You know,

Somebody wants to go to the gym,

Like put your sneakers next to the door,

Just that,

You know,

Something really small or just,

If they need to have a talk with their boss or somebody else,

Write,

Write out the basic,

Write out what you're going to say in an email and send it to me.

And we'll go back and forth with the emails and we'll tweak it so we can really get the message through with the wording.

You know,

Something literally action-based,

Something physical that they need to do that's very,

Very small.

And hopefully,

You know,

You could,

And then like be accountable.

Okay.

You know,

When are you going to have this done by?

When can we do,

You know,

We have to have a goal.

Let's have this first piece done in one week.

Okay.

And then we'll have the second little piece done in two weeks and then the third little piece done in three weeks.

Or you can just,

You can just start with one piece,

Whatever.

You know,

Figure out your own version of this that fits the situation.

But then what's going to happen a lot of times is easy.

Either they're going to start taking action because they're being held accountable and it's very,

Very small and attainable action.

So it'll work or they won't take action.

And then after they don't take two or three actions,

You can kind of sit back because they were actually physical and they agreed to them consciously.

You can kind of sit back and go,

Okay,

We have to kind of go back over the last few weeks and look at this.

It was the simple little actions that,

You know,

We both know you're capable of taking,

But you didn't take them.

So like,

You know,

I can't really help you if you're not willing to do anything to better your situation.

I mean,

You,

We,

At some point you have to do something or it's not going to change.

It's just that simple.

So and see what the actions do is it's really hard for their brain to flip this and blame you for it.

Some people will do it.

Don't get me wrong.

So some people's brains will do anything to avoid responsibility for their own lives.

And if that's the case,

So be it.

I don't think you really need to be interacting with somebody that that's that lost.

But most people,

When there's action that was really small and really simple and they really refuse to take it for no good reason whatsoever,

They can see that.

And it's hard for them to argue with it.

It's hard for them to say,

No,

It's not my fault.

It's very hard because most people will see that and go like,

Yeah,

Geez,

I'm just not doing anything.

I'm just not doing it.

And then again,

One of two things is going to happen.

That will be the kick in the ass that they need that they can actually see that it's their fault that their life is not getting better because they're not taking the action.

So it helps them see that,

You know,

Physically without all these manipulative rationalizations going on.

Yeah,

But it's not really my fault.

And I don't know,

I was going to do that.

But then I got busy and I couldn't and all the excuses,

Crap.

That kind of goes out the window with this little experiment with that really tiny,

Tiny little small pieces.

And I can't even do that.

It's like,

Listen,

You know,

If you can't sit down and write an email that's three sentences long in a two week period,

Then you're not really trying to change your life.

You're just not.

And if you want to rationalize that away,

Then go be,

You know,

Go ahead,

Rationalize it away.

But I'm not going to discuss this issue with you anymore until you start being willing to do something to better your own life.

Like I can't be your whipping post.

You know,

I can't be the dumping ground for the verbal diarrhea coming out.

So you feel better for 15 minutes and then you come back and dump it all over me again.

It's you know,

They get a release when they do that.

That's why people do it.

They feel better when they dump stuff off and get it off their chest.

And you know,

We feel better when we throw up.

It's the same thing.

They throw up all over you and they feel a little bit better,

Which like I said,

Is fine every once in a while.

I mean,

Everybody has to throw up every once in a while,

But if it's consistent,

That means they're addicted to the cycle.

They throw up,

They feel a little bit better.

So intellectually,

They think they actually did something.

So they're actually egoically patting themselves on the back a little bit and go,

Oh,

There you go.

I did.

I,

You know,

I feel better.

I expressed myself.

I'm like,

I must,

That was wonderful.

And I feel better.

And then nothing changes.

And then it builds up again.

Then they throw up and then they go,

Oh,

I feel better.

Then they go back out and they come back and they throw it up and then,

Oh,

I feel,

And that's just a cycle.

People can live their entire lives going through that.

So you know,

You've got to,

You've got to try to help them break that cycle because you know that,

All right,

So this is,

This is the other piece that just keeps shooting across and I've kind of alluded to it a few times.

You have to understand like,

My God,

You have to be responsible for the people in your life.

You know,

We hold this thing like,

So,

You know,

I'll try to use some of the wording that's been used here.

How would you suggest we help a friend who doesn't take action on solutions?

And like a lot of times we want so bad to be a good person that we think being a good,

We don't,

We think being a good friend,

I'm their friend.

Yeah,

But I'm their friend and I have to be there for them and I have to support them and I have to be their friend and a friend doesn't leave a friend and all this stuff.

Yeah,

A friend does.

A friend doesn't go throw up all over you every time they see you and then go back and then throw up all over you every time I see you.

That's,

You know,

Look at it the other direction.

They're not treating you like a friend by doing that to you every time and I'm not saying it's that,

It's their fault.

I'm not saying that they're conscious of it.

I'm sure that they're not doing it but this,

What happens is we have this Disney movie idea of what a friendship is.

Like once somebody is your friend and then we have to,

It's like till death do us part,

We took a bow or something.

No,

Somebody turns into an asshole,

It's okay not to hang out with them anymore.

It's fine.

If somebody falls into a ball of negativity and you do whatever you possibly can to help them and they refuse to help themselves,

It's okay to walk away.

There are 8 billion people on this planet almost and there's a whole ton of them that are never going to wake up,

They are never going to fix their problems and that are going to be miserable until the day they die and there's not a damn thing you can do to fix it.

We cannot fix other people.

We can't do it.

Only a person can fix themselves.

We can give them the tools.

We can try to help them but ultimately they have to do it and if somebody shows you over and over and over that they are unwilling to do what it takes to be happy in their own lives,

I walk away.

I mean life's too short and if you want to call me a bad friend because I don't allow myself to be dragged down by a bunch of negative people,

Then I'm a bad friend.

I'm fine with that.

I mean I want to spend time with people who are enjoying life and doing things and like I said man,

I mean my job on a daily basis is to sit with people that are suffering so flippin' bad in their lives,

Probably the most they've suffered ever in their entire lives,

So bad that they finally reached out to call a life coach and paying me money to try to get out of their suffering because it's so bad.

So I deal with this on a daily basis.

I am not talking about abandoning anybody.

I am talking about helping as much as humanly possible,

Absolutely,

But being realistic about it.

If somebody is just not willing to fix their lives,

Then why should I destroy my life because they're destroying theirs,

You know?

So I guess I just don't want to give up on someone I love.

Yeah well that's,

It's not,

This is,

I'm grateful that you put that comment because this is the delusion that we have.

We think we're giving up on them.

It was never our job to fix them.

You cannot fix somebody else,

You can't.

And I got this day one when I woke up because I,

You know,

I started working with people right away through AA and that's when you're working with addicts and alcoholics and if you want to figure out what you're capable of and what you're not capable of,

Go work with a bunch of alcoholics and addicts because you put your heart and your soul into these people.

You're standing there and having been where they are and having experienced the suffering and the turmoil that they're in,

You've been there.

You know how horrible it is.

There's a camaraderie there.

You want nothing more to help them.

So you put your heart and your soul into it and you try to help them and then two days later they're fucking dead.

Go through that a few times and then you'll figure out real quick what you're capable of and what you're not capable of.

You know that's how I learned.

That's how I learned that I can't fix anybody.

You can't,

You know,

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink.

So you bring a horse over to some water and they don't drink and then you walk away.

So that means you gave up on the horse.

It wasn't,

You can't make it drink.

You can only give them tools and if they refuse to pick up those tools,

That's not you giving up.

That's them giving up.

You can't love somebody enough or feel bad enough for somebody to help them.

As a matter of fact,

That's a hindrance because that's how we enable them.

We enable them by just loving them so they don't and protecting them and to try to make them not suffer.

When suffering is the exact thing,

That's probably going to wake them up.

We cannot fix people.

It's just we have to understand that all the way into our core.

Suffering along with somebody doesn't make you a good person.

And walking away doesn't mean you gave up on them.

It doesn't mean that.

It means they gave up on themselves.

They refused to do what it takes.

And I always tell people,

I'm like,

Hey,

If you want my help,

I'm here.

If you want your life to get better,

And see,

This is the thing sometimes that is the very thing that gets them to do it,

Is you walking away because you're the last one or one of the last ones that will put up with their shit.

So when you finally walk away,

They're like,

Oh damn.

Nobody will sit around here listening to my shit anymore.

I must be really messed up.

And then sometimes that's the thing that wakes them up.

Or sometimes they die.

But I mean,

I'm not trying to sound insensitive,

But people die.

It happens.

And it sucks.

And we mourn them.

And we move on.

Not everybody is going to make it through this journey.

And we can do whatever we can to help them.

If they refuse to help themselves.

I mean,

I'm coming from 20 years of alcoholism.

Do you think there was a short,

And from a good family,

Do you think there was a shortage of people trying to help me over the years?

No,

Man.

I had tons of friends,

Girlfriends,

Family,

Teachers,

Bosses,

You name it,

Man.

Like I got along with most people.

So when people actually saw what I was,

Many,

Many,

Many,

Many people tried to help me.

And it,

Like,

I refused to help.

And I was not going to get better until I decided to get better.

So I'm coming at it from both sides.

I've been the one that needed the help that refused it.

And I can tell you 100%,

There's no way I would have ever gotten my life together because of anybody else.

There was nothing anybody could have said.

There's nothing anybody could have done.

There's no possible way that I would have gotten my life together at all,

In any way,

Shape,

Or form until I decided to.

That's the only thing that will do it.

So I'm coming from that.

And then I'm coming from the life coach perspective that that's all I do all day.

I help people.

And I wouldn't be a very good life coach if I spent all my time coaching people whose lives didn't get better.

And that's what we're talking about.

We're talking about people who refuse to do the work to better their lives.

So it's,

We have to understand,

You know,

It's,

It's not giving up.

So I get to touch on these,

These follow ups.

What about self-love?

I'd be neglecting myself if I kept someone like that in my life.

No,

Thank you.

Right.

That's it.

You know,

I mean,

We have to love ourselves.

We need to take responsibility for our own lives and we need to create a life that,

That we want.

We have to create the life that we want,

You know?

I mean,

If,

And if you want to create a life with a bunch of negative people,

Let's see Deidre.

Hi Deidre.

We have to connect soon.

Deidre is out here in the DR with me and I haven't seen her since I've been back.

Why does it make us feel like we gave up on them?

How do we fix that guilt for ourselves?

Well,

It's because you,

You know,

Basically a lot of what I said earlier,

It's your misunderstanding the dynamic.

It makes you feel like you gave up on them because you,

You think that you can fix them.

You have to understand that you can't,

You know,

And,

And this type of thing,

You know,

This,

This is actually something that's been coming up quite a bit over the last few months as far as how do we do things properly to where they stick.

And so I'll just try to touch on it briefly.

I won't go into it too much,

But cause this is how do we fix that guilt for ourselves?

So when we have to understand that our,

Our perception or our belief system,

Our outlook on something,

That's what triggers guilt.

That's what triggers the negative feelings,

Our negative emotions.

So we need to understand that at some point in our lives,

Probably between the ages of four and eight,

We were exposed to enough information to come to a conclusion that we should try to fix people.

And that if we,

If we finally stop,

Then we're a bad person.

Like our belief systems are basically put in place between the ages of four and eight.

We're trying to make sense of the,

This whacked society and world that we're living in.

And so that's what happens.

We lock onto a belief system with the information that we had,

And then we live like that until we change it.

So it kind of sounds a little ominous,

But it's not that big of a deal because it's just a belief system.

Like you can,

A belief system means you agreed to it.

You said,

This is what it looks like.

I must be a bad person if I walk away from somebody.

Yes,

That makes sense with the logic that I have right now.

I agree that that is true and therefore it's my belief system.

So what we have to do is we have to go back in and change that belief system.

And it's as simple as choosing a new one.

As simple.

It's not always as easy as that because we've had it for a while and there's usually reasoning that we've used to back it up because it's so dysfunctional and it doesn't work for us to be doing it all these years.

For us to do something year after year after year after year after year after year that doesn't work,

We have to rationalize it.

Why it works.

Why we should still be doing it.

So sometimes there's other little belief systems attached,

A little rationalization attached to those belief systems.

So the best way to do it is really slowing down and getting still and putting your attention in your body and your heart and just going like,

Okay,

Let's think this through.

Why does understanding that somebody can only fix themselves make sense?

Why does it make sense?

Do you have evidence?

And what I'm reading here,

All of you have people like this in your life that you've been trying to help over and over and over doing the same thing over and over and over expecting a different result is insanity.

So you have evidence in your own life that it doesn't work.

So that's a wonderful reason to let go of that belief system just for the sheer fact that you can see from your own experience that it doesn't work.

And then there's other things too.

And you know,

If you want to talk this out with a life coach or a family member or a friend or whatever to gain clarity on why your new belief system actually makes logical sense.

I never ask anybody to try anything that doesn't make logical sense.

And then you look at the old belief system and you can even do this on paper and just write down all the reasons,

All the proof that you have,

Why it doesn't work and why there are holes in the old belief system and really get specific about it.

Slow down and get specific about this.

And then you can,

Like I usually do it a little quicker now.

So I'll just be like,

Okay,

Why does the old belief system not make sense?

Well,

Because of this and it doesn't make sense.

Okay,

Why does the new belief system make sense?

Oh,

Well,

Because of this.

And I've done this a bunch of times.

So usually my psyche absorbs a new one with less of a fight.

So it's a little bit quicker process.

But what I'll do is I'll just be sitting here and going like,

Okay,

I cannot save somebody.

And then I pay attention to how I feel.

I cannot save someone else.

And if there's a little weakness or nausea or uncomfortable feeling,

I'll go,

What's that?

I'll say,

That's an objection from inside of you.

And sometimes you can find out what that objection is.

You can go,

What?

Wait,

Why?

Why are you sending that signal that this isn't true?

Why do you think you can fix somebody?

And just pay attention.

A lot of times the answers will come.

Well,

I think I can fix somebody because,

I don't know,

I can't even think of a reason myself,

Somebody would think they can fix somebody.

But sometimes they come up.

So then you look at that and you go,

Okay,

Is that true?

Well,

You should be able to go,

No,

This isn't true for some reason,

For this particular reason.

And you can bring in logic so you can reinforce and then you go back.

I cannot fix somebody.

I cannot fix somebody.

And you just say it over and over and pay attention to how you feel until you can say that without any uncomfortability bubbling up.

Now you've released the emotional charge that's attached to it and you're more likely to absorb the mental belief system.

And then it's just reinforcement.

So like when you're on the phone with them,

You hang up and you go,

Oh my God,

I feel bad for them.

You go,

Ah,

Ah,

Ah,

That's the old belief system trying to reinforce itself.

No,

That's not.

That's not how I think anymore.

I think this way.

So you might have to reinforce it a few times.

So hopefully that'll help.

Pat,

You coach me and my life is hella,

But geez,

Yeah,

Pat,

Your life is a fricking missile taken off,

Man.

It's so fun to watch.

It's so fun to watch people implement the spiritual tools into their lives.

I mean,

Like,

I mean,

All the clients here,

I mean,

Laura's life,

You know,

People that I've worked with,

It's just,

It's such a gift to see people that implement this stuff because their lives are phenomenal.

Even if they go through tough times sometimes.

I've been the one that needed help that no one but me could change me.

Then I still needed to learn lesson,

Learn things to Glen that I can't make someone else happy.

I tried everything.

I'm like,

Okay,

This is an inside job.

It's just,

It's true.

I mean,

If you think about your own life,

Can anybody make you happy?

No,

You can't,

You know.

I think what I feel is a sense of obligation.

Yeah,

That's exactly what you feel.

And it's,

It's illusory,

You know,

It's,

You know,

You have a sense.

So this is what I mean.

So this is like,

When you start doing that exercise I was just talking about and the objections come up,

You go,

Oh,

I think there's an,

I have a sense of obligation.

Like what obligation?

Because you know what,

What in this situation,

What we're,

What we're basically saying is I have to drop my energy and feel like shit while I don't help a friend.

And then I'm a good person.

That's my obligation.

As a friend,

If I'm a good friend and I'm a good person,

What I need to do is make my life worse and more miserable and just sit by and watch my friend's life get worse and worse because they refuse to do anything.

And I have to keep that dynamic because I want to be a good person.

How does that make you a good person?

I don't,

You know,

I don't understand.

I mean,

I understand that our brains were trained this way in society because I mean,

I used to feel like this too.

I mean,

You know,

I'm talking like,

Ah,

I don't understand you people.

No,

I understand.

I just haven't lived this way in 17,

18 years.

So like,

So now it's hard for me to go back.

It's like,

I look at it and it's so clear that it doesn't make any sense to me that it's like,

You know,

Somebody asking me,

You know,

Like,

I don't,

I don't even know what they could ask me.

It's just so clear that you can't fix anybody.

And it's so clear that it doesn't make me a good person.

Me damaging my life.

Okay.

So maybe this will help clarify.

I believe that this is a uni,

It's a universal spiritual law.

Everything is expanding.

The universe is expanding constantly,

Right?

We've proven that.

How does the universe expand?

I know I've said this many times by its parts expanding the universe isn't a thing.

The universe is made up of things.

We are some of those things.

So by us expanding,

The universe expands.

So the goal of the universe is to support us,

Support us on our own expansion.

So if the rule was that if somebody's like,

I needed to drop my energy for somebody else,

Like 10% for my,

And for somebody else's energy to go up 10%,

That would be a 10% increase and a 10% decrease.

Right?

So that would be no change.

That would be no expansion.

That would be level.

We lost 10 and gained 10,

No expansion.

So it would go against universal law for me to have to suffer for somebody else to feel better.

That's not how it works.

In spirituality,

In universal law,

It's always a win-win.

My energy goes up.

I can,

If somebody chooses to connect to that and use me for that,

Their energy goes up.

My energy goes up.

Their energy goes up.

Give,

Receive.

I give,

They receive.

I give,

They receive.

I give,

They receive.

That's what the process looks like getting better.

And every time I give,

Like I'm receiving too.

It's just a constant win-win-win-win-win.

Grow,

Expand,

Expand,

Expand.

That's why the universe is constantly expanding.

So we can't,

It's,

You know,

It's,

We can't play small to make other people feel big.

Like because then you just get a bunch of small people.

We got no expansion.

Small people are cool.

I'm a small person.

But yeah,

So it's,

Suffering,

You can't take suffering,

Throw it into a wall and get happiness.

You can't.

So they're not living their best life and they refuse to do anything.

So now you're supposed to suffer along with them.

And then somehow that's going to magic.

So we have two people suffering and that's going to magically turn into happiness energy somehow.

It's just physically impossible.

It's not going to happen.

So you know,

It's okay to let people fall.

It's okay.

We're too busy.

I've said this for years.

We're too busy throwing pillows around on the floor to make sure that nobody suffers too much and nobody gets hurt when they get the impact.

And a lot of times that's exactly what wakes people up.

This is why addicts and alcoholics are such a good example is because everybody's heard of the hitting bottom.

Well,

Why do you think a lot of alcoholics and addicts get sober from hitting bottom?

Because they finally got to the realization that their way doesn't work anymore.

And what we're doing by commiserating with these people is just going,

Well,

Maybe it'll be,

You know,

Yeah,

I know it's tough and yeah,

It's not your fault.

And they're never going to get better that way.

Or yeah,

I know like,

I know you said you were going to do something to better your life and you didn't do it,

But whatever.

Like you could,

They,

People need to be accountable for their own lives.

To have a happy life,

You need to be responsible for your own life.

It's like nobody else can do it for you.

So what we're doing by hanging around them is enabling them to not suffer.

Sometimes losing you as a friend is the very thing that's going to wake them up.

And like,

I've done this with clients.

I've done this with friends.

I've told them,

I've been like,

Hey,

Like I can't do this.

Like this is just draining.

I can't do it.

So you know,

I'm here for you.

I love you.

And if you want things to get better,

Let me know.

I'm just the phone call away,

But I can't do the negativity thing anymore.

And then I walk away and a lot of times I don't hear back.

Sometimes I do.

And when I do,

They're like,

Holy crap.

Thank you.

I'm not sure what I needed.

Or they go,

You know,

That was two years ago.

I just,

I can see now I just wasn't ready,

But when I was ready,

I know exactly who to go to you.

So thank you for saying that.

You know,

So,

So hopefully that helps,

But damn,

I just looked at the clock and I just realized I got to fly people.

Sue you're awesome.

I changed my life.

Thank you,

Sue.

That's sweet of you.

I can see the stuff you're doing and it's going great.

So congrats on all that stuff and Kia.

Thank you,

My new friend.

All right,

People,

I got to fly.

So I think I just got to click my ticker.

Click my ticker.

No,

I have to click the closing video.

Okay.

Let me see if I can find it.

All right,

People.

I'm out.

Have a great week.

Talk to you next week.

Shoot me some ideas by email.

Glenn at Glenn Ambrose.

Com.

Thank you.

Talk soon.

Bye.