It Happened, Can’t Change It - Handling Tough Times

It happened and I can't change it no matter how hard I try.

Do you know what I'm referring to?

I'm talking about every situation that has ever happened in my life and specifically the tough ones,

The challenging ones,

The hurtful ones,

The things I didn't like,

The things I didn't ask for,

The things I argued against,

Resisted even.

Can you think of some things in your life that have happened that you can't change,

That you would really like to change,

Erase completely,

Never have had happen,

Those things that create emotional pain?

All emotional pain that we are experiencing and have ever experienced is created by our resistance to reality.

Resisting reality.

That means this resistance is created internally.

I've learned a lot by studying the work by Byron Katie.

Now resisting reality shows up when we wish or want something to be different that can't be.

Wishing that something did or didn't happen in the past will never serve us and in no way does it define our present or our future.

We will always experience emotional pain to the degree that we resist what is and what has been.

It's hard to hear this,

I know,

And even harder to accept but it's true.

Think long and hard about it.

Arguing with reality is a situation where we will lose every single time because we can't change reality.

Acceptance doesn't condone people who have done things to us.

Acceptance also doesn't say that it's okay that this has occurred.

Those actions have happened.

People have done awful and unsavory things that we don't like or appreciate.

The only control we have is the emotion that we give to it.

And this is really big so pay attention.

We also control how long we allow that emotion to drive our actions and results.

And the important thing for us to know fully is that we are still in control of any situation right now in our future and any situation in the past in terms of how we continue to experience it,

Even the bad ones.

And remember this,

We can't accurately judge a circumstance in the moment it happens as being good or bad.

Our first reaction to something we perceive as bad is to resist it,

Fight with it,

Reason with it.

As you reflect back on your life experiences,

You may find that it's been some of your darkest moments that have been the greatest catalyst for change,

For growth,

For better moments and experiences.

We all have those initial emotions of feeling the pain,

Feeling horrified,

Shock even.

And that is totally fine.

It's normal,

It's human,

And it's to be expected.

It's what we do beyond the initial reaction and the feeling that sets us up for the future and having future success,

Regardless of the event.

We can choose pain and suffering by resisting what is,

Even though we can't change it.

Or we can move forward toward finding peace through accepting it and looking forward to finding the gift or the lesson that's contained within the experience.

And there is a gift in every situation.

There always is.

It's just that it's not always easy to see it right away.

There are no problems.

There are merely situations,

And we choose how to view them.

Now just to lighten things up for a minute,

I'm going to share a recent experience.

And this was more of a frustration than a completely negative awful situation.

Recently I was sitting on an airplane and I was hungry and anxious to take off to get where I was going.

And then the flight attendant announced the plane was late.

And I had a sexy man waiting for me when I landed to whisk me off for a fun weekend,

With breakfast being the first stop.

After all,

I was hungry.

And now the flight is late.

I took a deep breath.

I kind of paused and I made a decision.

I could choose to be frustrated,

Annoyed,

And annoying to other people.

But I still can't and won't change the situation.

I can gripe to the flight attendant like many around me were,

But she can't change it either.

So I chose to find ways to make good use of my time and the most of the situation.

And that's what life is.

That's what business is.

A journey that has many twists and turns.

None of them are meant to defeat you or defeat me or beat us down.

They are simply experiences meant to show us who we really are,

To prod us to grow into who we can become and very often who it is we want to become.

My thought was,

I'll get where I'm going and it's going to be an excellent adventure because I'm choosing to accept what I can't change and focus on my anticipation of the good that waits on the other side of this current reality.

Shortly after I relaxed and began to meditate and then something miraculous happened and instead of the 45 minute delay,

It was only 15 minutes.

I wanted to stand up and shout to everyone else on board,

You're welcome.

I created this miracle with my thinking,

But I was not so sure it would go over well,

So we'll just keep that between us.

And in case you've listened this far,

That sexy man was my husband and we were celebrating 32 years.

Yes,

That deserves a round of applause,

Maybe even a standing ovation.

When things happen outside of our control,

No matter how extreme,

We have to remind ourselves to breathe deep and maintain what we can control.

Another mantra I love,

Everything in life is happening for me and not to me.

It's all meant to take me where I'm meant to go.

I'm on a journey just like you,

To get somewhere.

Sometimes the map doesn't make sense,

Yet I trust I will get where I'm going and you'll get where you're going too.

Just put yourself in the right framework to arrive in style,

Fashionably decked out in all your glory and I hope to see you there.

Remember this,

It happened,

I can't change it,

But I can change my reaction to it moving forward.

It's okay to experience the pain,

The frustration,

The anger and the sorrow in the moment.

Just don't ever allow yourself to stay stuck there.

Have a beautiful day and an awesome week.

Thank you for spending this time with me.

I'd love to hear from you with any comments or connections and may peace,

Joy and abundance find you today and may you also find peace,

Joy and abundance.

I'm Jackie Aumer.

You can find more of my work here on Insight Timer in my profile.

Thanks for listening.