Breathing For The World

Hey everyone it's Judy Cohen and this is Wake Up Call 426.

In chapter,

Welcome,

It's nice to see you all.

In chapter 9 of The Places That Scare You,

Heaven Children,

And she's saying more about compassion practice,

Explains the ancient art of Tonglen.

So let's talk about that and then let's let's practice it together.

Tonglen is is this simple practice of breathing in suffering and breathing out peace.

As Pema explains it,

We breathe in what is painful and unwanted with the sincere wish that we and others could be free from suffering.

As we do so,

We drop the storyline that goes along with the pain and feel the underlying energy.

We completely open our hearts and minds to whatever arises.

Exhaling,

We send out relief from the pain with the intention that we and others be happy.

So simple and like many other practices,

Not always easy because first of all,

I don't know about you,

But it's kind of the last thing I mostly want to do.

I mean,

Who really does want to breathe in other people's suffering?

Who wants to breathe in the suffering of the planet?

I mean,

Who wants to take in all that negative energy?

Energy that even Pema describes it as she says it's thick,

Heavy,

And hot.

So yuck sounds like a past to me and yet I can say that Tonglen is one of the most powerful practices in my toolbox.

And there's a reason for it.

It's the practice that places me right in the center of the world or the center of the moment,

Whatever the moment is.

It's what enables me to let go of my stories about the way things should be or about how everything is going to be okay or about how this or that person or situation isn't,

You know,

Isn't so much.

I'm dealing with just as much or the story about how they should be able to pick themselves up and dust themselves off and keep chugging along because I've done that or about how their suffering isn't mine to deal with.

So this practice,

It's my really surefire way of keeping my heart turned towards the reality of suffering instead of turned away.

And I mean,

I don't know about you,

But when I see someone suffering,

I do want to help.

I do.

But I also want to finish helping and go home to my nice warm house and my nice clean sheets and my nice safe life.

So,

You know,

Right away,

Let me say maybe you don't relate to that because maybe your house doesn't feel warm or your life doesn't feel safe.

And so just to name that.

And so maybe you don't have the same impulse to be done helping and go home.

When I was young,

I didn't feel particularly safe in my home either.

And that's a little bit in my DNA.

But now I do.

And if that impulse to help and then retreat is something that you can relate to,

Then maybe you know what I mean.

And and what I'm saying is I have a tendency and I think it's a human tendency to do what I can and then turn away.

Tonglen isn't,

It's not about wallowing in the suffering and it's and it's not about never going home to a warm bed.

So I just want to say that.

But it's it's about not being in denial.

It's about facing the world with all its suffering.

I feel like as a lawyer,

It was easy for me to live in a fairly deep state of denial.

And maybe that's easy for a lot of folks to do.

And when I say denial,

I'm not talking about denying that there's pain and suffering in the world.

But I'm talking about denying that it's mine.

Or that it involves me.

I'm really talking about believing on some fundamental level,

On some cellular level,

That your pain is not my pain.

Your suffering is not mine.

The the suffering in Israel,

Palestine,

Gaza is not mine.

Ukraine is not mine.

In the Congo,

In Myanmar,

In island nations dealing with climate collapse.

I mean,

Frankly,

In San Diego right now,

Dealing with the flooding,

Not mine.

That's the suffering on the other side of town.

Even the suffering on the other side of the table is not really mine.

Or if not,

Not mine.

Not mine to worry about beyond,

As I was saying,

Doing what I can and then going home to my nice warm bed.

Which is all about believing on this cellular fundamental level that I'm separate,

That I'm a separate being.

That my suffering and my issues are mine to bear and yours are yours.

That I,

That we all exist independently of each other.

And I know that's not true.

I know we're all connected,

That we inter-are,

As Thich Nhat Hanh always said.

So,

So why this forgetting?

You know,

Why does mindfulness,

Sati,

Recollecting,

Not kick in?

And I think I'm going with Pema here.

It's because touching into the suffering of others,

The suffering of the planet is hard and scary.

Or for me,

It's scary.

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid that if I get too close,

Let too much in,

I'll either feel overwhelmed or I'll feel contaminated.

You know,

I'll be overwhelmed by a prisoner's sorrow or the traumas they've suffered.

Or I'll be contaminated by opposing counsel's rage or my partner's frustration or my student's anxiety.

I'm really afraid to even look too closely at the person on the street in the rain with nowhere inside to go.

You know,

And mostly I'm afraid of my own,

Of my own heart.

I don't turn towards and get too close and breathe too deeply because I'm afraid.

So Tonglen says,

OK,

That's fine.

Good that you know that.

Face it anyway.

Face the fear so you can face the suffering.

When I first learned Tonglen,

I was a very young lawyer and I would walk through downtown San Francisco and I would turn towards every unhoused person I walked past.

And there were plenty even then breathing in their suffering and breathing out the wish that they would be safe.

And this was just this fierce,

I tend to like dive into stuff.

And it was just this fierce and completely terrifying practice.

You know,

I was I was afraid on a literal level that I would breathe in their germs in some way.

And much more than that,

I was afraid on some other level that I would breathe in something even more scary.

And I don't know what that was.

Their confusion,

Their shivering,

Their karma.

But I did it and I did it for a number of years as a training.

And then I started doing it in my office.

I started doing it with friends,

With strangers who looked perfectly fine to me.

But,

You know,

As Longfellow once said,

If you knew the secret history of those you would like to punish,

You would find a sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all your hostility.

So just assuming that everyone was suffering,

And I don't know if the practice helped anyone else,

But it changed me.

I just noticed that I was less reactive.

I didn't pull away or I didn't turn away so often.

I could get closer.

I could get closer to the suffering.

And sometimes I could be with it fully and still be okay.

And it felt different.

It felt different than what I thought it would feel like in a in a really good way.

And then when my mother was dying,

I sat on her bed and I held her hand and I did Tan Len for her.

And I didn't check with any teachers,

So I don't know if it was the right thing to do.

But in my imagination,

I was breathing in any fear that she had of death and breathing out peace.

And I think I was breathing in my own fear,

Too,

Of death and of losing my mother and breathing out peace for myself,

Too.

And I guess that's the thing about Tan Len or all of our practices,

Right?

Is that maybe we're all always practicing for others and practicing for ourselves.

So let's do a little Tan Len practice together,

Shall we?

So finding a comfortable posture,

Whatever is supportive for you today,

And settling into the body,

Connecting with your own body,

Your own experience in this moment,

Connecting to the earth,

Grounding yourself,

Connecting to our community,

Our sangha,

Just 26 of us here today.

So just enjoying knowing that we are practicing together.

And then call to mind someone who you have an easy relationship with,

Someone you care for,

Someone in your inner,

The inner circle of your heart.

And that could be a human being,

Or it could be another kind of being.

And just seeing how,

Whether they are very happy and peaceful in this moment or suffering in an obvious way in this moment,

That they have pain and suffering in their lives.

And taking a moment to really connect with them,

To be completely open,

Creating spaciousness in the mind and in the body,

Letting go of any preconceived notions of what this is.

Just dropping all the stories,

Drop them right now.

And breathe in,

Breathing in any pain,

Any suffering that they may have,

And breathing out a wish for peace for them.

Just a few in breaths,

And a few out breaths for them,

Breathing in all of their pain,

All of their suffering,

And breathing out peace for them.

I wish you well.

May you be at ease.

And then maybe there is a friend or a colleague,

And they are suffering.

There's something going on in their life.

Taking a moment,

Really connecting with them,

Letting go of all the stories,

And just breathing in that suffering and transforming it,

Allowing the body to transform it all by itself on its own,

And breathing out peace for them.

I wish you well,

Breathing in their suffering and breathing out peace.

And then maybe there is a stranger or someone who is an acquaintance,

You might recognize them.

Maybe someone that you know well,

Don't know well,

But who you see on a regular basis at the market,

Or the parking garage,

Or walking your dog,

And just breathe in any suffering that they may be experiencing,

Breathing it in,

And then breathing out peace.

A few breaths of breathing in and breathing out peace,

Breathing in suffering,

Breathing out peace.

And then maybe there is a difficult person in your life or in your orbit.

It could be that they are difficult because they've caused you some trouble,

Because they have impacted the world in a way that feels troubling for you.

Or it could be that they are a difficult person because it's hard for you to see them,

Hard for you to be around them.

So this could be someone who you walk past who's unhoused,

Or it could be someone who's combative in your life,

Or yeah,

Could be someone in the world.

Take your pick.

And just breathe in their suffering.

Breathe in that confusion.

Breathe in their hatred.

Breathe in their aggression.

Breathe in their greed.

Breathe it in and breathe out peace,

Wishing that their confusion would subside,

That their hatred would attenuate,

That greed would not grip them.

And then for all beings,

Just breathing in the suffering of the world,

And one or two breaths,

Breathing out peace for the world.

Breathing in all of the suffering of the world,

And knowing that you have this incredible capacity,

And breathing out peace.

Thank you everyone for being on the wake up call today.

I hope that practice was helpful.

Have a safe day and a safe week and I will see you next Thursday.

Take care.