How To Be Loving

Hi,

I'm Julie Riesler and I'm known as America's Life Designer and I'm an interior designer for your soul and mentor for spiritual entrepreneurs.

I am here to guide you back to your best self,

To manifest your biggest dream.

I am a master life coach,

Founder of the Life Designer Coach Academy Certification Program,

Author of Get a PhD in You,

And host of this very global podcast in over 175 countries.

For over a decade,

I've helped thousands of high achievers and empaths just like you to overcome self-doubt,

Overwhelm,

And fear so you can feel confident to be your USU.

I'm so excited,

My friend,

To share these conversations with leading experts,

Spiritual luminaries,

Celebrities,

And deep dives with yours truly.

If you're ready to design your most abundant life and help others to do the same,

Go to julieriesler.

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We all have the power to intentionally design our dream lives and I am thrilled to show you how.

Let's do this.

So I,

Danielle,

I am so excited to have you back on this show.

You,

You just,

You,

Your words,

Your new book we're going to talk about,

How to Be Loving,

My friends,

Is like,

I think the Bible we need for 2022 and beyond,

We're going to go into it and I just want to thank you for your authenticity and who you are.

I am so flipping excited to just dive into this today with you and share you again with my beautiful listeners and beyond.

I just appreciate you.

Thank you.

You know,

We were just saying pre-mic,

Like this is my first conversation about the book.

Oh my God.

Yeah.

So super cool.

I'm really glad it's you.

Yeah.

Oh,

I'm so touched.

All right,

I must say,

And I'm going to,

We'll have all the information.

So if you're watching this for everyone and if you're just listening,

First of all,

I love the pink circles and it's called How to Be Loving as your heart is breaking open and our world is waking up.

And in going through this book,

I gotta be honest,

I was like,

Oh shit,

I'm highlighting everything.

Like,

How am I going to narrow it down?

So I asked my heart intelligence,

My intuition,

Okay,

What are we going to focus on?

And I just,

I really feel like I want to dive in because there's some concepts and things you talk about.

Oh girl,

I was like,

Yes,

We need to go there.

So I want to start,

I want to start deep.

I want to go,

We're taking our boat,

We're going into the deep end.

I want to go into the ego first.

You talk a lot about ego,

Ego-ing,

Self-improvement.

Like I want,

You know,

And I got some quotes in here,

But I really want to go there first.

I think this is something people get confused about and don't understand.

So let's maybe start,

Let's just start there.

What's your way of looking at the ego?

And I'm going to like keep flipping.

Everything is earmarked.

Well,

I can tell you my old way of looking at the ego and then my current way of looking at the ego.

And my old way was the ego is my enemy and it's something that I need to get in check and sublimate.

I'm embarrassed by my ego.

My ego is not spiritual.

I'm arrogant and manipulative and that's all my ego.

So I labeled my ego as all this kind of arrogance and bravado.

And then I had experiences of not feeling brave at all and being afraid and having waves of anxiety and I realized that was my ego too.

And so the ego,

We tend to think of it as like this kind of more glamorous thing.

You know,

You're too big for your britches,

But it's also,

You're too afraid to speak up and your self-talk is just terrible.

That's also the ego mind.

The ego is really just an exaggerated sense of like,

I'm separate and I'm dividing,

Dividing,

Dividing all the time.

I'm superior.

I'm inferior.

They're better.

They're worse.

They,

They,

They,

Me,

Me,

Me divide,

Divide,

Divide,

Which is really just keeping us from like oneness awareness that we all come from the same source that we're all interconnected and,

And,

And,

And here's the,

This is really the punchline with the ego.

That my ego is part of me.

I created it.

It's my little thought baby.

And why would,

As the mother of all of my neuroses and my obsessions and my psyche isms,

I'm responsible for those things.

Why would I banish them?

I wouldn't leave my kid on the porch.

Why would I leave my ego out to dry,

To transform?

Right?

So the ego is always barking,

Like,

Leave me alone,

Leave me alone.

Here's all these reasons to think you're less than,

Or they're less than,

But really would you just,

Would you just take me in and love me as is,

Which is what everybody wants.

Everybody wants no matter how secure,

Insecure,

Evolved,

Unevolved we are.

Anybody,

Everybody can relate to,

Of course I want to be loved as is all my stuff,

All my brilliance,

All my shadow,

You know?

So my after,

My before and after with the ego is,

I got you.

I see,

I see what you're doing and it's like,

Come on in.

And if you do it again tomorrow,

I'm still going to love you.

And even though you were arrogant 25 minutes ago,

I know that what you really wanted was love and I got space for you.

So like,

What's really,

You know,

So when I have this conversation,

Like when I,

You know,

We all have those moments where we do something and we just wince and like,

I cannot believe I said that.

And for me,

It's like,

Oh,

I can't believe I gave that advice,

That unsolicited advice.

Like I say that I've sworn off it,

But not really,

I can't resist,

You know,

And I cannot believe I said that again.

That's my,

And then I stop,

What is that?

So I can,

I can say right away,

Oh,

That's me being inserting myself and thinking I know better and all those things.

And then instead of judging right away and saying,

I'm a bad person,

I'm not that spiritual.

I'm such a,

You know,

I'm such a spiritual hypocrite.

I just go,

That's okay.

Here you are.

Let's look at it.

And I,

Then I look at,

Oh,

I want them to love me or I don't want to lose this opportunity or,

And then my ego starts to just chill out.

And that's really all we want.

Like don't,

I hope it's obvious by what I'm saying.

Like we don't want to be banishing it,

But let's just,

Just aim for like,

Instead of enlightenment,

Just ego chill.

You know that,

Okay,

So I've got couple like reflection,

I'm listening.

I'm like,

Who you've just,

There's a lot in there even in that.

And I think of,

You know,

That,

That Buddhist thought of stay in the middle.

We don't have to get to enlightenment,

Just stay in that,

You know,

I love that ego chill and,

And the over achieving side of myself,

Which we'll get to,

Because I know you talk about that as well with personal development and the self-improvement.

It's like,

Well,

No,

It's supposed to be enlightenment and I can hear it.

And it's like,

What about just ego chill?

Like what about,

You know,

The other thing I'm hearing is to me under this is almost looking at your ego,

The way the divine,

Divine love would look at it,

Look at you and holding it.

You know,

That's what I keep hearing in so much of what you're writing is how would cosmic love,

Whatever you call it,

The universe,

That love at the capital L,

How would she,

He,

It,

How would that,

How would love look at ego?

And as you said,

You know,

You can be shitty and then 20 minutes later,

You know,

It could happen again.

And it's like not judging it,

Not trying to fix it.

This to me is revolutionary Danielle,

Because there's a lot of people,

Books,

Things written about like,

You gotta overcome it and crush it and stump it and banish it.

And what I love so much about what you're saying is hell the heck no,

This is mothering it like just I got you being with it,

You know,

Ego chill,

Like it's not about we don't have to transform it like you don't have to.

So I think if I'm if I'm really getting the essence,

That's what I'm picking up.

We all hear this love all of you.

But the subtext in our space,

Our wellness space is accept your ego.

Meaning don't accept it,

Make the exception love all of you.

But that one part of yourself,

That's such an asshole,

You know,

Like,

And here's the thing like,

Loving your ego.

I mean,

I can hear like the psych one on one conversation happening of just like,

Are we just perpetuating self centeredness and nope.

And this isn't a spiritual bypass.

This is I'm awake.

I see it.

I want to be a whole person.

I'm noticing my behavior.

I'm noticing the impacts of my behavior on myself on the person in front of me on the environment.

I'm,

I'm here.

I'm here for this.

And I'm going to apply love so that I can become even more conscious and more sensitive and more diligent and dedicated and committed and all those things.

So loving your arrogance doesn't make you more arrogant.

It makes you more accepting.

It makes you more spacious.

You become a bigger person.

You have more room to feel,

Give and receive love.

Loving.

Let's,

Let's go with the meaker ego that often gets mistaken as like,

Oh,

She's just insecure.

She's not egocentric.

No,

That's actually egocentric.

The other side of it.

The other side of it is I am not worthy.

I'm not worthy.

Yeah.

I'm going to,

I'm going to take this crap or I'm not going to put myself out for that job or I'm going to keep eating crappy food.

So I feel crappy to validate this lie that I'm not worthy of being healthy,

Radiant,

All those things.

So should we love our insecurity?

Oh yeah,

Totally.

Love that part of yourself.

That's just saying I suck and I,

I come from this kind of family.

I'm never going to make it over there.

Or I have this history and you don't get so,

And I know you will so dig this,

Like this is so tricky in this space of psychology and spirituality because we have all these new,

We have all these new terms,

You know,

Our family of origin and trauma and all these things and we can look at those with love through the heart center or we can look at those through the shadow and we can use those things against ourselves.

Yeah.

I'm just like,

I feel like I'm blissed.

I'm like,

Oh my gosh,

Just keep talking.

It's just,

I felt like a wash of like,

This feels like such truth.

And the idea,

It's revolutionary,

I think two things,

One getting the other side of this ego is that,

That lack of worthiness that that is still,

It's,

It's the flip side of it.

Um,

But what you said,

And it's all the same,

That the,

The meek person,

Male,

Female,

Rich,

Who doesn't feel worthy of the dream has got the same,

The same energy driving them as the guy who's just the baller and going for everything and going to crush it no matter what.

It's the same thing.

It's,

I have to do all this.

I have to do all this stuff to keep this story going.

Yeah,

That's it.

The other thing you said,

I think I want to just really want to reiterate for everyone listening is to love this part of you.

Love your insecurity.

You know,

It's simple,

But it's,

What do they say?

It's simple.

It's not easy.

And it's,

It's so powerful.

And I mean,

Love it.

So love it.

So for me,

The examples of love are abiding and reverence.

So like this shitty part of you comes up again and again,

And you don't like yourself for it,

Whether it's over doing something or under doing something.

And then in comes the criticism.

The love is the abiding is,

I will say to myself,

Danielle,

Even if you do that again,

25 minutes from now,

I'm not leaving.

You could do this for your whole lifetime.

You might,

Might be doing this for 10 lifetimes.

I'm never leaving you.

You'd never leave your child.

Creation never leaves us.

You keep,

Just keep doing this.

I got,

I got enough love.

I have enough patience.

I have enough resolve.

I got enough love for this little behavior of yours.

I got so much love.

There's that.

So that's abiding.

The other is radical,

Which is reverence.

Could you actually have reverence for that part of yourself that you hate so much?

Meaning thank you.

Because every time you come up,

I realize that I'm actually a loving person.

Every time you come up,

It brings up how I used to feel when I was a kid.

And you know,

I was always on the outside and it reminds me that I actually belong.

It reminds me how much love I have in my life.

Thank you.

Thank you for teaching me how brave I am.

Thank you for teaching me how much gentleness I have.

Reverence,

We just totally flip the script.

And that's empowerment.

That's powerful stuff.

Yeah,

That's,

You know,

My brain goes to just how,

You know,

We're constantly speaking to ourselves and how this can,

You know,

This shift,

This flip,

How does that affect the health of your body,

You know,

Your consciousness?

I mean,

I know for me,

I was reading and I related to so much,

You know,

There was that dark night of the soul.

I woke up at literally 3.

33am and was told by my inner voice,

You know,

You're not okay here.

That was in my first marriage.

And that was like,

Not an easy thing to feel,

See and love and honor.

And just getting,

You know,

It ended up,

You know,

For me ended up having a health issue that was all around my voice and my throat and thyroid.

And I knew I said,

Oh,

This is so connected.

And so I think part of what is under this,

At least what I felt in just reading through your book is,

This is,

It's like a prescription pad,

Not just how to live,

But how to care for us on all levels,

Mind,

Body,

Mentally,

Emotionally,

Spiritually,

Metaphysically,

All of it.

How to be loving.

How to be loving.

Yeah,

Which I'm like is a great.

I actually before kind of like jumping,

But I am curious,

I meant to like,

Start with how did this book like,

How did you birth this book?

How did it,

I've read your other,

You know,

I actually read White Hot Truth again recently,

During one of my walks,

And I was like,

Damn girl,

Love this.

So right on.

I'm like,

What else is there to say?

And then I'm like,

Wow,

She has more to say that I really resonate with and how,

Why,

Like how did this book come to be conceived?

Is all about the new question.

So all things Desire Map were about how do you want to feel?

And then I realized over the years,

That even if I wasn't feeling the way that I wanted to feel,

I still felt useful.

And I still felt close to God,

The divine,

And I could still be pretty good with friends.

I like it's still show up and,

And bring some comfort.

And I realized,

Oh,

Maybe purpose is not about how you feel.

And then I went deeper into it.

And,

You know,

A lot of personal research and mystical research.

And the conclusion is,

Feelings really come from the subconscious from the unconscious realm,

All the lower chakras.

And that's like this whole deep,

Crazy,

Awesome conversation that makes a lot of people uncomfortable.

Right.

When I say everything you feel right now comes from the past.

And like,

What?

And like,

Yeah.

But then there's awareness,

Like a state of consciousness,

Which is like nowness and all that presence.

And so a new question emerged,

Which is what do I want to embody?

So originally,

Like the just the real behind the scenes was,

I said to my publisher said to Sounds True,

I think it's time for Desire Map 2.

0.

Because I've like,

I've learned some things.

And you know,

And we've had these facilitators out doing this work in the world,

Hundreds of them for a couple years now.

And we know a few things.

And so it's going to be actually called Desire Map 2.

0,

Worst title ever.

And then I was going to call it heart centered,

Because you know,

I have this heart center.

Now,

We evolved all of our Desire Map facilitators and heart centered leaders and new curriculum.

And then I just like,

You know,

This book is actually about just how to be loving.

And then it was just like,

Oh,

It was like,

You know,

The sunshine.

And it was unbelievable to me that how to be loving.

Com was still available for $2.

99.

And I was like,

Yeah,

This is it.

This is it.

Yeah.

And it's really the learning of like the last five years.

And also working with a really powerful energy healer and just going deep and just just like real metaphysical research and just kind of checking off the boxes like that fits with my experience or let me try this on and see if that experience fits with that mystic.

And this is what I figured.

And and here we are,

You know,

The world's falling apart.

Which I'm pretty I'm gutted by and really excited about at the same time.

You know,

I just for those listening,

I love coming to you have little you've not lit all of these great master classes from time to time.

And you did one recently with Linda on writing your book.

And I remember sort of a quick one of the things I loved hearing.

I wrote a book and I'm working on my next one.

And I have had a little like two year.

Oh,

I've just seen the whole imposter side come up like,

Who am I so funny?

That's the name of my book is who are you know,

Who do you think you are?

And I'm like,

Shit,

That's exactly like,

Right.

The universe is like,

You're gonna work through this until you get it.

You talked about though,

And I so appreciated this,

I hope I'm getting it right,

But that you really were careful about what content you were digesting and taking in so that you could really write this from your own experience.

And I thought that was fascinating.

Just this book.

To me reading it feels like it not that you didn't have research and other,

You know,

Other quotes,

But it felt so authentically you and not,

You know,

Taken from this idea someone said,

I mean,

I know we all have been connected to others,

But it just remember you talking about that as a practice really,

And how you do your writing your book.

I just think I know a lot of people want to write books.

I thought that was so fun.

I do this for all of my big projects.

Like I just go on this diet.

I don't want to be influenced by anybody else's thinking.

I don't want to say something and someone later say,

Oh,

So and so that's there.

And I'd be like,

Well,

Maybe it is.

It's all coming from the morphogenic field because I that came from me.

And and I'm and that applies to my spiritual practice now in a way too,

Because what I was finding was that I was ingesting there was a period I go through these waves,

Right?

There was a period in the last couple of years where I just like taking in so much.

I'm so hungry for knowledge and esoteric.

And it was actually causing me anxiety.

And it was really hard to reckon with because I found some gems man.

Like I've had some books that are out of print that leapt off the shelf like a fish out into the boat.

And I just like this is some kind of cosmic destiny.

And it'd be like,

Okay,

This has got my nervous system so jacked because I think I'm not facing the right direction when I meditate.

And you know,

And I know enough now for this phase.

And I just want my own experience.

I just,

I just want my own experience.

It's so got to feel true for me.

Or it doesn't,

Or I'm ineffective.

I feel ineffective.

I think this is one of the things I really love about you and appreciate about you,

Danielle.

And I'm saying this for others that because it's easy to get on the,

You know,

Read this and read this and get and get tugged around.

And what I got is you stay in your own energy and your own experience and you're sharing purely from from there and you can feel it.

And that's this book,

I mean,

You can also and I talk about this and how to be loving about identities and programming.

And I realized that so many things that I've identified with so you know,

I'm six planets in Virgo and a Gemini sun and I'm an introvert and I'm an INFJ and I'm on and I'm this on strengths finders and now there's all these other people are always asking me,

Have you done this?

Have you done that?

I'm trying to not identify as being a Gemini with six planets in Virgo.

I'm trying to be a being,

You know,

Not a label.

So I'm not taking any more personality tests.

I also realized that there are some personnel,

We used to do six personality tests for hiring people.

And it's doesn't matter.

Sometimes it's useful to help you figure out how to manage like,

Okay,

She needs a certain kind of direction or whatever.

But fewer crutches,

Fewer crutches,

More gliding to sound like my intuition and yeah.

Yeah.

I'm laughing.

I'm like,

INFJ I could just go into that for a minute.

I didn't know you had three Virgos in Gemini.

That's great.

It's so great.

I used to teach Myers Briggs actually don't any I'm like,

Nope,

Just everyone has different variations of it all.

And yeah,

So I love.

I love that staying really in that and that's well,

This actually to me,

I think goes into what I really wanted to also look at with you is this.

You talk about self improvement,

The ego showing up and self improvement.

And I have a feeling I was like,

Oh,

Yeah,

I can see myself big time here.

I mean,

Frankly,

It comes up as addiction sometimes for me.

I've seen where it's like,

I can't get enough of these books and readings and teachings because it just,

There's enlightenment,

There's opening,

There's greater consciousness,

I'll get to be more connected to the divine and it's becomes and anyhow,

I just I'm looking,

You know,

You talk about the ego's favorite hiding place is I love you say that.

So you ready and personal development workshops,

Self helpers and spiritual seekers really know how to strive and striving is classic egoing,

Which is one of the words you use and created.

Amen to that.

And can we talk about that for a minute?

I was like,

Dive in here.

Well,

I want to give credit to Adyashanti.

So he's one of my favorite spiritual teachers right now.

And he used the word egoing,

And I use the word egoing.

And I don't know if it was one of those collisions,

So it just,

I just want to honor his work too.

This is my life.

This is really this is my life,

Right?

Like,

I'm going to be more evolved.

Now,

Obviously,

You could hear that as I'm going to be more evolved than you and you and you and you.

And then I'm going to capitalize that and all those things that we do.

And we think we're going to be better than everybody else.

And definitely there was part of that for me,

But it was more insidious and damaging and subtle,

Which was,

I'm going to be better.

I'm going to be more evolved so that I will finally be worthy in God's eyes.

I'm going to burn all this karma because I must have this evil streak.

I'm going to get better so I can relax.

I'm going to get enlightened so that I can chill.

Don't you chill now.

Let me figure out that's actually more enlightened.

It was just a striving,

Like always something else to do.

Another book,

Another a longer meditation,

Another lap around the seawall,

Another cleanse.

Look,

All those things are beautiful.

I uphold all of those with so much respect.

All of those are practices in my life.

I meditate daily.

I'm a fervent prayer.

I want to know God more than anything.

I do all the things on the summer solstice and it's now coming from this different place of celebration.

It's energizing.

It's not punishing.

If I don't get it right,

I'm good and I actually feel more expanded and I'm more playful with my practices.

Some days,

Yes,

I get up and I go and I go deep and I make the time and I really want to get through all those layers.

Some days,

And that's energizing.

Some days,

I don't feel that much more expanded or useful after I really gave her on the meditation cushion.

Some days,

I got 10 minutes to do a 30-minute meditation and it's what I got.

I feel so expanded.

I think it's because I love my.

.

.

I'm being so loving and chill with myself like,

Oh,

LaPorte,

You're so diligent and great.

Let's just dial in that 10.

Take a few more breaths.

Yeah.

I want to reflect this to you because it might sound strange just getting to watch you over the years and even getting to talk to you.

Now,

You're living and breathing this.

I can sense that and feel that in you.

I think what I'm also pulling here is this is about an energy,

Where you're coming from.

Is it energizing?

Is it celebratory energy versus I know for me,

Having practices as well,

I have my heart coherence and my meditation and my two-way prayer and then my vision statement.

I mean,

You know,

And.

.

.

Yeah,

I know.

We're so busy together,

You and me.

Yeah.

I'm like,

Wait a minute.

Did I even feel one effing thing I just said?

Like,

I'll go back and I'm like,

Screw it.

No,

I'm like,

You know what?

Today I was like,

I did the heart coherence.

I pulled up Yogananda's scientific prayer affirmation.

I'm like,

I just want to will myself to glow.

That's it.

I was like,

I'm going to do this today.

And I was like,

That's great.

That's good.

That is.

And I really felt this encouragement,

You know,

After reading this.

I was like,

Danielle's doing this.

I can do this.

Yeah.

Chill out.

It's interesting you brought up Yogananda.

I love his work.

I quote him a lot in How to be Loving.

And why I gravitate to his work is because he's fierce.

Yes.

But he is fierce and kind of breaking some rules.

Like one of my favorite teachings of Yogananda's is like,

Don't just just burn through your karma.

Don't let your karma control your life.

Why?

This isn't a this is paradigm busting.

You have it.

You have to rectify it.

You got to bring everything back into balance and clean it all up.

But just like do it.

Don't make it a big deal and keep wanting what you're wanting.

And at the center of your desire is God,

Like want to unite with life so intensely.

You're just like,

Karma.

Got it.

And that appeals to the overachiever in me.

But also,

But also to that part of me is just like,

Because he also teaches this,

All the great mystics get down to self compassion.

If you are not being compassionate with you and all your stuff,

You've missed the whole point lifetime over lifetime.

And then this gets me really,

I want to write more thing more about this.

It's just like conversion stories.

Like I'm so interested in people who are hardcore addicts and then turn into sages.

This is fascinating for me,

You know,

Really the darker,

The dark,

The lighter,

The light.

And what that,

What,

How that works for me now,

Like how that shifts my thinking is I give everybody the benefit of the doubt now.

I mean,

We've both been around long enough.

We know people who converted,

Who woke up,

Who got it together,

Who became more gentle,

Who beat the whatever,

And there is a before and after in their lives.

So now when someone's in the before,

I just think,

You can be a Saint on the other side of this.

You're a real dick now.

But who knows?

Flandrer could become the greatest philanthropist.

Flandering and philanthropy are not related,

But I just thought that was a nice rhyme.

Anyway,

You get the point.

Brilliant.

Yeah.

Well,

And to me,

Like it's seeing that future self,

That higher essence in somebody that it's such a great way to see that because I mean,

Anyone that's gotten to the other side started in the place where it might be,

We're seeing that person's before.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know,

What happens when we hold,

We give people grace and we see the higher version that that is,

By the way,

I want to say I try to practice that.

That is to me like a mastery level.

That's mastery level.

Yeah.

That's it.

You know what helps is to just go,

Wow,

We're from the same source.

Yeah.

And it's like,

I now do it just reflectively,

Reflexively.

It's just,

I'll be walking down the street and you see the homeless guy and you'll see the person who they don't look,

Sound,

Smell like you,

Somebody who's successful,

Let's say,

And you go,

Wow,

We're related.

Yeah.

Violent guy yelling on the corner.

Everybody out front of the liquor in the liquor store who same people I've been seeing for months.

We have the same mother.

Yes.

And you are a part of me.

I am noticing you because you're a part of me.

So I see that guy and I think,

Wow,

He's hating himself right now.

He's numbing out from hate and trauma.

How am I numbing out from hate and trauma?

And then I go about my day,

You know,

But sometimes those can be hugely revelatory moments.

It's easy for people like us in the wellness space to be like,

Oh,

You know,

My spouse,

My mother,

My boss,

They are such a reflection of me and I'm going to own that.

Yeah.

And we're going to talk about that in therapy,

But let's just get a little further afield to people who you would never be this lifetime.

Yeah.

It's not just about,

Did you vote the same?

This is someone is really not got it together.

What part of you really does not have it together?

Yes.

I know there's some,

I'm like my brain searching.

I don't,

I try to write down the different topics and pages,

But there's something in here where you say that and I,

You know,

It's interesting.

I know you're in Canada,

You know,

I'm sure there's quite a variety of folks in Canada.

You certainly have quite a variety here over in the States.

And if you want to travel into some smaller communities,

It's like,

Wow,

Okay.

I don't know that I would hang that flag,

But what,

Who,

Like what part of me is feeling separate or,

And you know,

I tend to be,

I tend to be,

I tend to be,

I tend to be,

I tend to,

For me,

Especially in the DC area,

Come up a lot against arrogance and it,

You know,

And it's uncomfortable cause I'm like,

It makes me uncomfortable.

And then I have to look and say,

Okay,

Lovingly,

What part of me is the,

And that doesn't let anybody else off the hook.

Yeah.

It's like,

You can still see someone who's doing something divisive and unjust.

Yeah.

Okay.

Just let's pause for a moment.

What part of me,

How am I being divisive and unjust in my life right now?

Okay.

Check.

Got it.

Maybe it's just like a little kernel of something.

Yeah.

And all you need is a kernel for,

You know,

It's this little signal to spirit,

Like,

Okay,

I've just signaled,

I need some love provisions here.

Come on down.

So that you can meet the unjust divisive person with some love.

Cause that's the only thing that's going to move things forward.

Yes.

That's the only thing.

It's not about how you figure out how your argument is more rock solid than theirs.

It's not about pointing out why they're divisive and unjust.

It's about,

Okay,

How can we relate and we'll move forward from there.

Otherwise it's just,

We're going backwards,

Which we've been doing for eons.

That's exactly,

I'm like,

Everyone,

I'm going to pull that out.

What you just said,

That is like so crucial that just lit up for me.

And I think it's in the book where you say later,

You talk about everything in the external world is really something to be healed on the inside first.

So when you see,

You know,

Somebody who's obviously challenged mentally or drinking,

Whatever's going on,

There's something,

There's something to look at within yourself.

And you just said it,

You've got to,

You've got to bring in the elixir is love.

It's not a better argument.

And now someone's going to be saying,

How about what about I'm doing some kind of social activism work and we really need to move this issue forward.

And there's all this injustice.

You do that on behalf of love.

You do that without the intention to harm.

So when you recognize your commonality with the person you are quote fighting against,

Then you can access that virtue of harmlessness.

So you can still,

I don't love this term,

Speak truth to power.

What's power?

I mean,

We've got such a perverted definition of power,

Right?

And truth for that matter.

But it's like,

You don't have to say you,

You,

You did this,

This,

This failing,

Failing,

Failing.

You can say,

This is this way.

This is where we need to go.

And you just hold the vision and you keep repeating the vision like we're here for peace.

We're here for unity.

We're here for equality.

How do we do that together?

Instead of point,

Slay,

Demonize,

Make a campaign out of demonizing,

Cancel,

Invalidate,

Vilify,

And exploit,

Which all those things happen in the name of spirituality and social justice.

We just become what we're fighting.

We become the same energy.

This is,

I think this is key to clarify if I can,

Is that,

You know,

We often hear this term,

You don't,

You don't become what you're fighting.

It's hard sometimes for people to wrap their heads around.

They're like,

Well,

I'm not going to become divisive or racist or over capitalistic or whatever that is.

They can't see that.

It's like,

No,

But you can become the energy of oppression of you can become the energy of hatred.

You can become the energy of polarization,

Fighting for all your good things.

And that is backwards.

I so feel you on this.

I'm like,

Gosh,

We need a whole new legal system and way of doing legal work as you're speaking,

You know,

And especially in this area where it's like,

Like a lot of what's happening here and everywhere.

It's the energy where you're coming from.

And that is so,

It's everything.

That is everything.

I want to go in for a minute.

You,

There's so much here,

But something I also really want to look at is this whole concept of acceptance.

I thought it was really,

Really powerful what you talked about with accepting yourself.

And I just intuitively,

I know,

And it kind of goes back to that loving those parts of you,

The,

You know,

The insecurity,

The parts of you,

You may have put in the basement as you spoke about,

Just to talk about how can,

Because it's,

You know,

It starts,

If we take it,

It starts with ourselves,

This can be a really hard one is to accept yourself fully to really and accepting of others.

This is the hardest.

That's why I was like,

Well,

Let's go there.

I think it can be easier to forgive and accept other people than it can be to forgive and accept yourself for all those things you don't like about yourself.

In fact,

Not only do you not like them,

You hate them,

You loathe them,

You wish they never existed.

You will,

You will do anything to get rid of them,

Whether it's hating,

You know,

Your extra pounds or hating how you handled that relationship 10 years ago or 10 weeks ago,

Or it's there,

There's this long list of ways we tell ourselves that we're not measuring up and on the path to wanting to be more whole and more loving and more miraculous.

And everybody listening wants to make the world a better place.

Totally.

We're all love bugs,

You know,

But then we think anything that's not loving about us,

Anything that's not holy about us,

It's not lovable.

It's not finished yet.

We haven't gotten there yet.

And that is the most damaging way to walk the path because it's love that changes everything.

You know,

I open the book,

I want to get this right.

I open How to be Loving with a quote from Ephesians and it's everything exposed by the light becomes visible.

Duh,

You know,

And everything that is illuminated becomes light.

You put light on it and it becomes light.

You see the beauty in the ugly thing,

The redeemable quality in someone you thought was unredeemable and the transformation happens and then they get to be what they really are because the real thing is the beauty.

That's truth with a capital T.

The ugliness is just shadow.

It's just illusion.

It's just it's like if we could go in the direction of shadow and light,

It's like you are light,

All light creates shadow.

You're the light source,

But the shadow isn't real.

It's just trying to get back to the light,

You know.

So yeah,

Always be seeing the beauty,

Always look for the light and then you evolve things.

Yeah.

It reminds me a little bit when I asked you about why you wrote this book and you said it new questions.

It's not about necessarily how you want to feel.

It's what you want to embody.

I think that's what you said.

And I'm getting kind of the golden thread question is,

You know,

It's like how does the light see this or how does the,

For all light,

It's kind of this like looking at it from that lens.

How is this helping me to see and feel and be my light more?

It just feels like there's this underlying powerful question.

Well,

That's it,

Julie.

Like the book is about,

Well,

The book as a thing and loving as a way of being is about identifying with your truth,

Not with your illusion.

It's about identifying like I identify as a divine energy being.

I identify as connected to the whole.

I identify as love.

I identify as my heart rather than I identify as a separate alone in a hostile universe.

I identify as my,

All of my labels from Virgo to CEO to trucker,

Whatever it is,

You know.

So the process of waking up is about waking up to the truth so that your identity is actually accurate.

Yeah.

And an inaccurate identity is all about I'm separate and I have to work to become whole.

No,

You is whole.

Yeah.

You started that way.

All we need to do is just focus on that truth and the rest melts away.

I think this is the most liberating proposition here,

Which is,

Yeah,

Look,

I have an ego I want to get in check.

I want to be better at my communication skills.

I want to be a better husband,

Wife,

Partner.

I need to,

And I do want to meditate and I do want to eat clean and I want to donate some money to clean up the plant.

All those things,

Please do those things.

Those are acts of love.

But it has to,

It's those all,

All those acts have to come from I'm actually really perfect with so much room for improvement.

If I focus on the truth,

Just focus on the truth.

You're generating more light,

More compassion,

More understanding,

More flexibility.

And so all those crunchy things at the edge of your personality start to chill.

They start to soften.

You get less sick.

You get say less ridiculous things.

You don't fight as much.

If you mess up way less.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean,

This is for many people that were brought into the world thinking they're not whole or they're,

You know,

Faulty or whatever it is.

Like to me,

I actually felt that in my body when you said that I'm like,

That feels true.

And that is like the best premise to go by is you're already,

You were born whole.

You are,

You actually are that it actually,

For the overachievers of us,

It's like,

What do you achieve?

What are you overachieving for?

Like it's,

This even works in terms of biology physically.

It's like if we focus on your immune system,

All those other little things that are bothering you are going to get the nourishment that they need.

Like sometimes you need to go directly into the wound or the illness,

But mostly it's about reinforcing the bigger system,

The things that work.

Yeah.

I mean,

One of the most powerful questions I ever got asked in all the years and all the people I've done therapy with is my favorite guy.

It turned out to be Michael,

My Jewish Buddhist psychotherapist just said,

I just sat down.

I was going for marriage counseling at the time and he was like,

So what's working.

And I was just like,

I'm paying this guy,

You know?

And that was,

That was it.

I mean,

It helped us get to what wasn't working,

But yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

Oh yeah.

It's great.

I have to say when you ask that,

It's,

I think it's hard for people sometimes to like,

What do you mean what's working?

I'm so used to like,

Don't you know,

That's,

That's so powerful.

The ego mind doesn't want you to focus on what's working.

Yeah.

And this spiritual ego mind even doesn't want you to focus on what's working again to like be in this space.

No,

No,

No.

Focus on how you didn't do your practice.

Focus on how your family of origin shit is in this mix.

Focus on your shadow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And all of those things too,

But don't over identify with it.

It's not the center of your practice.

I have to,

I'm just laughing.

I am.

I'm remarried.

I'm like,

My partner,

He is very chill naturally,

Earth energy,

Like,

And sometimes it pisses me off.

I'm like,

You're not like putting enough energy,

Actualizing your,

Like that's,

I don't say that,

But I'll be like,

Here's this book,

Here's this book.

I just bought you a heart coherence tool and a meditation.

And like,

Why don't we do this class together?

And he's totally fine.

And I'm like,

You know,

I think,

I think he's a teacher for me,

But feeling this chill thing,

I mean,

And we laugh,

He's like,

I'm good.

I'm like,

You are good.

I've had a similar revelation.

You know,

I'm now like super deeply in love and committed and we have different backgrounds,

Different practices and stuff.

And what I realized,

And then I learned this in like my larger life too.

The reason that doesn't work to say,

Do this,

Do this,

Do this,

I highlighted like in one relationship I used to actually highlight paragraphs,

Leave the book out front.

You know,

Like post it note.

And the reason it doesn't work is it's like,

It's like cycling together.

You're on bicycles and you're giving your partner training wheels.

And there,

And then when it's time to go,

They're not actually going to know how to ride uphill.

So just let them figure it out on their own in their own way.

And they're going to probably surpass you,

Which I've experienced with my guy.

He's just,

I'm just like,

Yeah,

But I've done all this.

And he's like,

It doesn't say anything.

There's like this pause and I'm just like,

Oh my gosh,

You are being totally compassionate and acceptance right now of my arrogance.

You love me,

Even though I'm trying to change you.

And I'm just like,

Oh,

Point taken.

Yes,

These are special ones.

I relate and there's no pulling the rope.

It doesn't have to be right.

I'm like,

Geez,

I have a ways to go.

And yeah,

I totally hear you.

It's I think the others listening,

This overachieving,

This like,

I've got to do this.

I've got to,

You know,

It's just learning the middle chill.

That is,

That is.

And aren't you enough to take care of?

Like I have so much of my own stuff to like clean up and nurture and celebrate and honor.

Like I'm,

I'm,

I'm a project.

I don't need another project.

We're all just little,

You know,

7 billion little projects.

I'm going to look after me.

And and then,

You know,

The divine irony is like,

There was just so much more loving.

Yeah.

Yeah,

Yeah,

Yeah,

Stan,

My thing is,

I'm like,

Just stand my side of the street,

Julie,

Just just stay.

Actually,

I just heard an acronym.

I was thinking of you.

I was going to show I love this page.

This was like the love it all.

Love it all.

Love it all.

Love it all.

I was like,

This is it.

Love.

I just heard letting others,

Letting others voluntary,

Voluntarily evolve.

Oh,

That's a good one.

That's a good one.

I was like,

Shit.

Yes,

That's a good one.

I would refine that.

I mean,

That's that's totally fun.

An acronym is true,

But you can only evolve voluntarily.

Yes.

I mean,

Anything real evolution can't be forced,

Which is our whole point here.

That's right.

That's right.

Which is goes to acceptance and goes.

Yeah.

Everything we said before.

I never want to wrap any conversation.

Yeah.

It's so fun hanging out together.

Yes.

If we have time for a quick.

I just want to I did want to get into receptivity.

Oh,

Yes.

I love this,

Especially for women who are powerful and want to get things done and are making things in the world,

Which are mostly all mostly all women.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like basically that would be probably almost everybody.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because we are the multitaskers.

Yeah.

I just I'm I'm doing a lot of notes on this.

OK.

So let's talk about receptivity and how this relates to.

Yeah.

Here we go.

Yeah.

When I this is my favorite topic to discuss in a business setting.

So if I get hired to do a speaking,

I'm like,

OK,

Let's reframe power.

Everybody steps up,

You know,

And I'm just like,

Has nothing to do with endurance or suffering or being a baller or getting more done.

Power actually has nothing to do with productivity.

Power has everything to do with receptivity.

And so my philosophy and my experience is like.

The universe.

Creation itself,

The divine mother,

Divine father,

Infinity,

Whatever you want to call it,

The universal intelligence is just waiting for you to pay attention.

And for you to take the cues.

Who do you want to take your directions from?

You know,

A self-help author you've never met or you're an ancestor who wasn't who just didn't get it right.

A mother who's just projecting on you for decades,

You know,

Or do you want to take your your cues,

Your directions from the divine,

From the universal mind?

I think it's better to aim higher on this.

Right.

Like,

Go to the source.

So the only way to do that is through some stillness and some reflection.

And that is different for different people.

Lots of people feel like I'm still when I'm in motion,

When I'm swimming and you get into that numinous meditative space space,

Not hypnotic.

That's a totally different state.

But to sit with your questions.

And to let some things come in.

That's one way.

The other way.

And they're both required is to actually take out the garbage so that the flowers can grow.

So like you're clearing your mind of repetitive thought forms that aren't serving you.

You're getting rid of all those scripts and those loops.

And how do you do that?

You do that through meditation and prayer.

You are cleansing your physical living space.

It's not just about decluttering so that it's better to the eye.

This is about everything is energy.

Clear some space so the universal mind that's waiting for you can actually start trickling into your thoughts,

Your words,

Your deeds,

Your actions,

Your living space,

Your relationship,

All those crevices.

The light wants to come in.

And that's receptivity.

So it's a going with the flow.

It's not pushing.

And we're really afraid to go there.

We're afraid to pause.

We're afraid that we're not going to get the right answer when we're quiet.

And all those things that what will happen if we follow our intuition,

We do the wrong thing.

You know,

What's the alternative?

You follow somebody else's advice who doesn't even know you and you do the wrong thing.

Wouldn't it be so much better just work your own muscle and be your own God,

Be your own guru,

Be your own motivational speaker,

Be your own self-help author,

I might add,

After you get how to be loving.

And yeah,

I'm at a phase now where I'm really getting off on not listening to anybody else.

And it's been terrifying getting here,

Really terrifying.

I just,

Boom,

Like you just,

That's a gem.

Those are some gems there,

Danielle.

And I so honor and acknowledge you on the terrifying steps it took to what I'm getting and I feel is so true is,

You know,

It's being able to hear your own,

The wisdom of the infinite through your own channel.

We all have that gift and that you've made an oath is what it feels like to,

I don't know if you actually made an oath,

But it feels like you made an oath to yourself.

Like I'm going to follow this and within you.

And it just reminds me some of the reading I've been doing and thinking about around getting to be our own guru,

Our own savior,

Our own,

You know,

You get to be that embodied receptive divine connection.

You get to have yourself plugged in to source without someone else trying to plug into you,

If that makes sense.

And well,

There's a couple of ways to go there,

Which is that whole someone else plug into you part.

Let's get really metaphysical with this if we can.

So it's not like,

You know,

If you're not,

If you're not listening to your heart and you're not aligned with your soul,

Some narcissist is going to plug in and drain your energy.

That's not what I'm talking about.

What I'm talking about with that plugin that you're describing is you're going to have some other energies that do not have your best interest at heart,

Just clusters,

Literal clusters of heaviness that form in the ether.

You could say that are just looking for those cracks and crevices in people's thinking and thinking to enter.

It's like,

Oh,

There's someone who wants division.

I'm going to go feed that.

There's someone who thinks they're unworthy,

You know,

And that energy just everything is energy.

Your thoughts are magnetic.

What's it attracting?

It's not just attracting your reality.

It's attracting other energy clusters.

And we don't want that.

We want to be aligning with luminosity and wisdom.

I know you're really into the heart math practices.

It's like cohesion happens through alignment with like vibration.

Right?

It's really interesting.

I'm like,

Oh,

Gosh,

I'm going to pause myself because I'm like,

A week ago,

I'm like,

Maybe you do a round three with me.

I don't know.

I want to talk about physics now.

But what I'm hearing is the importance of,

I almost want to call it like a light hygiene.

Like just,

Oh,

That's great.

Yeah.

Can you say that?

Light hygiene because I get it.

I feel what you're saying,

You know,

And not to be fearful of it,

But our thoughts are magnetic and are vibratory.

And it's a brilliant way of saying it,

If I'm struggling with worthiness,

Then there are thought forms,

Energies that just keeping in that space.

It's like you brush your teeth,

You brush the plaque off,

You start to feel something.

And I think a lot of people listening,

I know I definitely identify as an empath.

I think a lot of people listening,

Empath sensitive,

You know,

You start to feel that.

Sometimes it's felt to me like,

I don't think this is even mine.

So that light hygiene,

Like coming back to what you said,

Align with luminosity.

And once you do that,

There's another,

This is a great layer.

I don't think this is even mine.

So eventually,

Many of us will get to that place where we have that,

We have that wondering let's say like,

Ah,

This doesn't,

I'm feeling this,

But I don't feel like this came from my house.

This isn't from my psyche.

I think what's going on there is,

You know,

We're all part of this hive,

This collective consciousness and collective unconsciousness.

We're all part of this universal light and the darkness.

And when we're feeling things that we're just becomes distinctly aware that aren't ours,

We're kind of doing a favor to the collective.

So it's like,

We let it run through us and we go,

Oh,

That little moment of anxiety.

It just kind of came into my house and it left.

I was its host for a minute,

But I'm tapping into like the bigger shadow here.

And then you become more conscious about like,

What you're going to do with what you find when you tap into the collective shadow.

And you get to say,

Because your job as an individual is to create conditions of healing for yourself is to say,

Okay,

I don't need to be dipping my ladle into this toxic well all the time.

I'm going to focus on this because you,

If you,

If you,

If you want to do the light work,

If you want to be a healer,

If you just want to be a more loving person,

You're going to feel the heaviness.

It's like,

We cry for our children.

Our heart breaks for the people that we love.

Our heartbreaks for people in other countries we've never met.

That heartbreak is a way of being of service.

You feeling that moment of grief is a way of lightening that moment of grief energetically for someone in a war torn country.

You're feeling their pain with them.

You're carrying the load.

That is love and that is service.

The opposite is to be a psychopath really to,

To not feel on for anybody else.

And yeah.

It's like bringing tears to my eyes hearing you say that.

I just,

To me,

It comes back to what you said earlier,

The reminder,

Whoever you're seeing,

Especially someone who may not even be in a similar life form type of lifestyle,

That we're all part of this cosmic family.

And so that's family in a way.

That's how it feels sometimes.

And that that's actually,

I love that you said that.

I actually hadn't thought of it this way,

That it's,

That heartbreak is a way of being of service,

Which just brought tears to my eyes.

Like that's powerful.

I went through a period where I was really aware of suicidal energy in the space,

In my neighborhood,

In the world.

And I,

You know,

When you feel that and you're just like,

What,

What's going on?

What's I want to commit suicide.

And it's just like,

Oh wow,

I'm just,

This is happening and I'm tapping into it.

And then I have to let it go.

It's like clouds and makes me more compassionate.

We're all plugged in.

Just some of us are,

Some of us need to have our channels cleaned.

Others are a little more like energetically concentrated,

You know,

A roto reader.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Cosmic roto reader.

Yeah.

Well,

I,

I literally could keep going.

I'm going to ask you the last question I usually end with is actually I call it a heart flare,

Which is so perfect for this.

We're going to ask your heart.

Well,

I feel like your heart's been speaking all day,

But ask your heart.

Is there anything she is wanting to share that I forgot to ask,

Didn't ask and come up?

We're going to give your heart a little chance to flare it out.

Who can you forgive today?

Who could you even just consider forgiving today?

And what would it look like to forgive them?

I almost,

If it's okay to add to your heart flare,

My heart's like the other question that came in for me,

Cause I thought of five people immediately.

I'm like,

Okay.

Oh,

Five years.

So you just overachieved.

I got five.

I'm also,

I've worked,

You know,

Anything about the 12 steps.

There's a whole step around I'm in the fourth and I'm like,

Oh,

I got 52.

But anyhow,

Five that showed that I'm like,

Yep.

Is the other thing is how would it feel to forgive them came up because for me just hearing that I'm like,

I just could feel,

Gosh,

I would feel like peaceful,

Loving,

You know,

Which is all of what you're talking about is changing your energy.

It's a high.

There is a euphoria from forgiving and you don't know it until you do it.

It's so,

My experience is,

Is so empowering.

It's like,

It's,

It's over.

It's okay.

You're forgiven.

Let's move on.

That's ecstasy.

I literally cannot thank you enough.

I'm so honored that we're the first.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm so grateful for this conversation on this really powerful day.

And yeah,

You're,

You're so great to hang out with.

Thank you.

Yeah.

You know,

Well,

My heart,

I was,

I'll just,

We're still going,

But I'm like,

What the heck?

I was practicing,

You know,

This heart coherence where you breathe heart energy out of your heart and you receive it.

I was thinking as you were talking about receiving,

I'm like,

I'm going to send this love to Danielle.

I'm going to feel it back.

I'm going to send it to the listeners,

Feel it back.

And it just felt like a beautiful wave.

And I'm like,

That's this book to me,

You know,

In terms of heart coherence and having that,

That wave of connection of being in that space of really tuned into your heart energy and the divine.

I mean,

I'll show it since it's not backwards.

Do you know the gift,

There's lots of gifts in this conversation,

But I'll tell you,

You said to me,

It feels like an oath you've taken,

Feels like an oath I've taken and my name.

So the Danielle,

Danielle is a,

The definition of Danielle is God is my oath or God is my judge.

So it had me,

It reminded me of that.

I was like,

Oh yeah,

That's,

That's the root of my name.

But then to take that out even further,

It gives me some relaxation.

It's like,

I vowed to do this.

Like I vowed to,

To seek and to learn a love and,

And it helps me just chill.

It's like,

I made this promise.

I've been doing it my whole life,

Messing it up,

Getting it right.

I'm here for it.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Yes.

I'm so glad.

And we come back to just chilling the F out.

Just chilling.

Exactly.

I thank you.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Thanks.

I'm so honored to be a part of your journey.

Thank you for listening to this episode.

And I hope it inspires you to remember who you really are and who you chose to be in this lifetime.

If you're interested in becoming your USU,

I would love to guide you.

Please check out my website for additional information on how we can work together.

And if you feel moved,

Please subscribe,

Rate and review this podcast so that more big hearted individuals can find these inspiring conversations.

Here's to being and loving your USU.