The Deep Ocean You Are: Radiance Sutras Verse 136

So today we are reading from the Radiant Sutras and we've completed the 112 regular verses of the Radiant Sutras,

But beyond that there's what they call the Insight Verses.

And these are really neat and you don't have to have listened to all the previous ones to enjoy the Insight Verses.

But just so we have context for the 112 Yukti Verses and the Banter Verses before that,

We went deeply into the nature of being alive.

We went into all the senses,

The nothingness,

The God aspect,

The human aspect,

Everything.

You just sort of go into the whole kit and caboodle.

And now the Insight Verses are an interesting culmination or it's sort of like,

So where do we go from here?

Today we are reading 136 are we on the last one?

Well it's the last one of the Yukti Verses,

But we're jumping forward.

And just in case you're following along numerically,

The reason these are called,

This is 136 and the last one was 112,

Was just because the 136 is actually the Sutra Verse in the actual Vijnana Bhairava Tantra.

Whereas the 112,

It's just sort of the numbering goes off a little funny,

But we are still sequentially from 112 to 136.

Because 112 was actually officially 135,

Although it's called 112.

So just in case the math bothers us.

So let's take a deep breath in,

And exhale,

And just totally relax our mind.

Let's come into this moment,

Releasing all other thoughts.

And here is Verse 136.

Consider all the pain and all the pleasure you have ever experienced as waves on a very deep ocean,

Which you are.

From the depths,

Witness those waves rolling along so bravely,

Always changing,

Beautiful in their self-sustaining power.

Marvel that once you identified with only the surface of this ocean.

Now embrace waves,

Depths,

And undersea mountains out to the farthest shore.

What comes up for you when you hear that?

What thoughts or feelings?

I have an inner ocean,

Yay.

I am deep.

Will I read it once more?

Sure.

Speaks to a very unusual peace that I'm feeling today.

Hmm.

Consider all the pain and all the pleasure you have ever experienced as waves on a very deep ocean,

Which you are.

From the depths,

Witness those waves rolling along so bravely,

Always changing,

Beautiful in their self-sustaining power.

Marvel that once you identified only the surface of this ocean.

Now you embrace waves,

Depths,

And undersea mountains out to the farthest shore.

There is so much more depth to all.

Makes me think of the saying,

The way out is in.

Infinite possibilities.

My first thought was,

Whales know this.

So true.

I am,

Have been as deep and as vast as the oceans.

Living by and almost in the ocean,

I feel this very strongly.

Brings me inward.

In the depth,

We are unimpressed.

By taking a big step back,

We can see the full view.

Totally.

As level of awareness increases,

We understand that more will be revealed.

Keep open as our perspectives change and possibilities evolve.

Totally.

You just described the Pisces energy signature.

That's cool.

I had to think about that.

Holding the pain and joy simultaneously is deep.

So Lauren Roche,

Who wrote this beautiful book,

Did something very interesting with this sutra,

Which I love.

And the reason I say that is I'm going to read to you a direct translation of this sutra,

Which is quite different.

So this is a direct translation.

All contact with pleasure and pain is through the senses.

Knowing this,

One should detach oneself from the senses,

And withdrawing within should abide in his essential self.

I'm going to read another direct translation of that.

All the doors of perception produce pain and pleasure through contact with the senses,

Thus casting aside the sensory objects and withdrawing the senses within.

One abides in one's own self.

All the doors of perception produce pain and pleasure through contact with the senses,

Thus casting aside the sensory objects and withdrawing the senses within.

One abides in one's own self.

So what they're actually describing is what they call on the yogic path pratyahara.

And pratyahara,

Normally you think of pratyahara as the withdrawal of the senses.

So if you imagine the journey of meditation and the eight limbs of yoga,

You don't have to know what the eight limbs of yoga are,

But the eight limbs of yoga begin with yamas and niyamas,

Like kind of right living and philosophy.

And then you go to asana,

Which is essentially,

It's not postures,

It's actually just your seat on the earth.

And from that seat you breathe deeply.

And then you practice pratyahara.

And pratyahara in meditation is you close your eyes,

You stop listening,

You don't feel,

You don't taste,

You don't hear,

You withdraw the senses within so that you can meditate.

And then the next step is dharana,

Because that withdrawal of the senses allows you to focus single pointedly.

And then that leads to absorption,

Which is dhyana,

Which leads to samadhi,

Which is bliss.

My book was that,

Casting the Senses Aside.

It's this one,

Sri Vijnana Bhairava Tantra,

The Ascent,

By Swami Satya Sangananda Saraswati.

Reminds me of sitting in meditation and deep contemplation.

The doors of perception reminds me of Alice Huxley.

Peace within.

So what's interesting is,

And I've never heard this particular description of pratyahara before,

I've always heard of withdrawing the senses so that you can meditate or so that you can be within,

That kind of thing.

But what this teaching is saying is that all pain and pleasure come from the senses.

And you can even extend that into,

I like the way this feels,

And then my brain becomes attached to that.

So then we also have thought forms that are attached to pain,

Or sometimes,

But mostly just attached to pleasure and averse to pain.

And what they're saying is,

The pain and pleasure is what we need to withdraw from.

It isn't just that,

Oh,

You know,

Like when you think of pratyahara,

You know,

You can understand closing your eyes.

Okay,

I'm going to close down any visual stimulation.

And I'm going to make an effort to not listen to my surroundings.

But touch,

How do you withdraw from touch when you're meditating?

And what's interesting about that,

Well,

This sutra is more about life.

But when you're meditating,

This is why it's so important to find a comfortable seat,

That you are truly comfortable.

Like if you're not comfortable sitting on the floor cross-legged,

You cannot experience pratyahara,

Because the sensations in your body aren't letting you focus.

We have to sit comfortably,

You have to sit with five pillows,

Or you have to sit on a chair,

Even if our ego doesn't like it.

We have to sit in a way that we actually can experience pratyahara.

Which means sitting in a way that is perfectly comfortable,

So that we no longer are being stimulated by the sensations in our bodies.

Otherwise,

We actually cannot meditate.

You cannot move on to dharana if you don't have pratyahara.

It'd be the same thing,

Like if your body is sore,

It'd be the same thing as having kids in the house,

Or a partner,

Or somebody,

And the whole time you're meditating they're going,

Katrina,

Katrina,

Katrina,

Katrina,

Where's the butter?

Katrina,

Katrina.

You cannot focus,

You just can't do it.

And so in meditation,

You have to be comfortable.

And the cool thing is,

Like I remember when I was doing my yoga teacher training,

I had herniated discs in my back,

My one knee was blown out from playing baseball,

So I couldn't sit cross-legged.

It was absolutely excruciating.

And so when I would practice meditation,

I would sit on four cushions under my bottom,

And then I would have cushions under my knees,

And then I took a towel and put it inside my bum knee,

So that my knee would bend around it,

Until my body was perfectly quiet.

So anyway,

And then eventually it all healed,

And I was able to just sit on the floor.

But in the meantime,

I really had to honor where my body was.

But what this sutra is saying is,

There is a deep ocean within us.

There is an eternal self,

Who we truly are.

But we become so focused on pain and pleasure,

That the pain and pleasure in our life grips us.

That we literally oscillate through,

I'm feeling better,

Now I'm in pain.

Oh now I'm in pain,

Oh I hope I feel better.

Oh I'm feeling good,

Okay I've got to hold on to this because I don't want to feel pain.

And every waking moment of our day can be focused on pain or pleasure.

It could be the pain or pleasure of finances,

It could be the pain or pleasure of relationships,

It could be the pain and pleasure of physical experiences in the body.

When we really go inside and we ask ourselves,

How much time in the day,

How much of my waking hours are spent focusing on pain or pleasure.

And what this sutra is saying is,

We need to learn how to withdraw even from the pain or pain and pleasure.

Because inside we are eternal.

And this is no small thing.

It's not something even that we live in that eternal self and stop eating,

Or we live in that eternal self and we don't care about what's going on in our community.

That's not it.

But we need to develop the ability to withdraw from pain and pleasure,

Just to even remember that we're eternal beings.

Like just to simply touch it,

Just touch that we are eternal.

And then,

You know,

You might be sitting and meditating,

You might be sitting on a park bench somewhere,

And you breathe,

And you feel that tiny touch of bliss,

That tiny touch of that eternal self.

But we need to actually develop this.

So even imagine right now,

As we're sitting,

Feel your body,

Your mind,

And be aware of any pleasure you feel.

And be aware of any pain you feel.

So this is sort of the pleasure and pain.

And now,

Go within.

What else are you?

Beyond pleasure and pain,

What else are you?

What do you feel?

And I would love for you to share if something comes to you.

I changed the word eternal to boundless.

It helps me not think of a God,

For sure.

But the word boundless,

That you go within and you feel boundless.

What do you feel inside?

Peace?

Quiet?

Stillness?

I feel slushy and flippy-zippy in equal measure.

But seriously,

It's exactly right.

There's an endless slushy feeling that this is also us.

It's not our higher self.

It's not some weird thing out there.

It's not who I am when I meditate or I do yoga.

It's not me when I'm,

I don't know,

Feeling inspired.

It's always there.

We can be in total agony and that inner slushy self is there.

Withdrawal of the senses also reminds me of the experience of the witness mind in MBSR meditation.

It's exactly like the witness mind is this beautiful neutral space that is neither attached to pleasure or pain.

And to even think,

It's not even that it's attached,

That it's able to withdraw from it.

And again,

This isn't about not paying attention or not taking care of ourselves or anything like that.

It's about just simply knowing that we are both.

This is the true tantric journey.

Please quote me,

I focused hard to find these terms.

Nothing is good or evil,

Save thinking make it so.

Exactly.

I am stardust radiating love.

I was reading a book this morning and he was talking about the importance of practice,

Whether it's meditation or yoga or something,

To help us release our viewpoints of the world.

Because we very often have strong viewpoints,

Strong perceptions of the world,

And we kind of get stuck in them.

And no matter where we are,

This is what I think,

This is how I see it.

And then we interpret everything through that viewpoint.

And it feels very righteous and it feels very much,

Well,

That's just right.

And that's how I feel.

But the problem is,

Is that the world is always changing.

Everything,

Again,

We're just going to quote Davey all the time.

The world is very slushy.

Everything is always shifting.

Everything is always changing.

So to hold strong to a particular viewpoint that you had yesterday,

It doesn't make any sense.

It's like we're clenching our fists in an ocean.

The key is,

All that matters is,

What helps me today?

What applies today?

This is where we want to be.

This is what yoga is,

Yoking us to the present moment,

Yoking our consciousness to this moment.

Not some moment in the past,

Not some fantastical moment that I've made up because my brain has figured out some version of reality that isn't true,

But actually in this moment.

And it's interesting when you even think of how our identity can be very transient.

One minute I'm sitting and I'm doing jigsaw puzzles with my daughter,

And then my daughter leaves and my partner comes home.

Well,

Me lying in bed with my partner,

I'm quite a different person than maybe the role I played doing jigsaw puzzles with my daughter five hours earlier.

And then maybe I go off and I teach yoga,

And I'm different again.

And it's like every role I play throughout the day draws a different aspect of me.

And this is how it's meant to be.

We're meant to shift and change with the moment.

Because we know how hard it is to actually stay and say,

This is how I see it,

And I'm just gonna grit my teeth and clench my fists,

And this is gonna be the way it is.

It's just not reality.

So again,

The idea of allowing your inner self,

Your inner boundless self,

To always exist.

Maybe you have pleasure,

Maybe you have pain,

Maybe you see things a particular way,

Maybe you see them differently tomorrow.

But no matter how we saw the thing,

We are still this eternal self inside.

So I'm just going to reread the direct translation for a moment.

All the doors of perception produce pain and pleasure through contact with the senses.

Thus,

Casting aside the sensory objects and withdrawing the senses within,

One abides in one's own self.

Imagine just abiding in our own self.

Like,

What does that feel like?

Things happen.

Things don't happen.

Pain happens.

Pleasure happens.

What I wanted to have happen,

Happened.

What I wanted to have happen,

Didn't happen.

But I abide in my own self.

Like,

How different is that?

As opposed to,

That thing didn't happen,

Or thank goodness this thing happened,

Or they're entirely different experiences.

Do you think,

Katrina,

You are all of your self-perceptions brought together here in your teaching?

Or is this a separate self?

I want water.

Thanks,

Keith.

Do I think that I am all of my self-perceptions brought together here,

Or is this a separate self?

It's a great question,

Because I feel like I'm probably always the culmination of all my self-perceptions.

Even when I'm being a mother,

Or a lover,

Or a teacher,

Or a daughter,

I think I'm always the culmination of all those things.

Like,

I actually am pretty steady but I think what can change is the role we play.

I might be,

Sometimes,

This voracious lover with my partner,

But that role doesn't come into play here.

Or I might be taking care of my son's girlfriend's son,

And I'm kind of playing grandma,

And that's an entirely different role.

And then I might be with my father,

And I just play a slightly different role there,

But I think I'm always pretty much the culmination.

Aren't we an amalgam of all of ourselves?

Katrina,

The teacher.

And what self are we bringing to these live sessions?

I like to think of all my selves going together for a great car ride.

Sometimes we get separated when we have to stop for fuel,

Just a metaphor that helps me.

I hate feeling separate.

But we are who we are.

You know,

It's interesting.

I remember one time I was dating this guy,

And we were going through the drive-thru at McDonald's,

And I was chit-chatting and laughing and giggling with the person who was giving us our order.

And we drove away,

And this guy looked at me and he said,

You're always the same person.

He says,

You treat everybody exactly the same.

And it's true.

But for him,

He was radically different people,

Depending on who he was with.

If he was with his children,

He was kind of uptight and nervous and worried that he was doing the right or the wrong thing.

If he was with his ex,

He was kind of a nightmare.

If he was with me,

He was completely relaxed and easygoing.

If he was out with my friends,

He was very uncomfortable.

But it kind of speaks to this teaching.

The more connected we are with that inner,

Boundless,

Eternal self,

The less we're pulled by the effects of other people,

The less we change whether we're in pleasure or pain.

Some people,

They're not very nice people if they're in pain.

But the deeper we are connected to our soul,

We become more stable inside.

And no matter how the wind blows,

We're still just us.

But what's interesting is,

In tantric relationships,

In order to be open,

In order to actually open our hearts to another person,

We have to feel safe.

We have to feel safe that this other person is solid.

That you're not going to share something and they're suddenly going to freak out or get triggered or be mean to you or use it against you or something like that.

They need to have a certain integrity or we need to have a certain level of integrity to be safe,

To be around people or to be close to people.

And that integrity begins with that connection inside.

How deep am I connected to my own being?

And of course,

What's interesting is,

In some ways,

That means having been connected to our pain and our struggles.

And everything that's happened,

That there's nothing hidden inside.

We don't have skeletons in our closets that we don't want to look at,

You know,

That might suddenly break out and hurt somebody.

It's a very interesting journey of coming to this place of integrity and safety,

That you know that you're with someone and regardless of whether they're feeling pleasure or pain,

They will still be kind.

It's a huge teaching in tantric relationships,

Or just human relationships really,

The importance of a hundred percent kindness.

Well,

If just because you're feeling pain,

You're going to suddenly lash out,

That's the end of the closeness,

Right?

And this is why the tantric journey is it's such an inside job.

We have to heal ourselves.

You know,

We all,

We people come into tantra because they want this kind of relationship or this kind of relationship,

And it's like,

But we can't have it until we have that inner peace,

Right?

So one of the things that helps us with this pratyahara is the suspension of the breath.

Now we do this unconsciously when we don't want to feel something.

You know,

If we're having,

If we've had a lot of trauma in our life,

We will often hold our breath and we won't even know we're holding our breath today,

Which is why when we practice pranayama and meditation,

Oftentimes we really have a hard time sitting still.

Like if you ever do a meditation and you're like,

I just can't sit still,

My mind keeps going,

I'm so fidgety,

Very often,

Not always,

But very often,

It's because we have actually stopped breathing throughout our lives because we've been going through something stressful.

So now we're sitting in meditation and we're breathing deeply,

And what happens?

All those emotions start to come up that we buried by not breathing.

So our body starts to shift and we start to have pain in our back and my shoulders hurt and I don't want to be here and then our brain just goes into overdrive because it's like,

Oh,

Don't sit here any longer.

If you sit here any longer,

You're going to start feeling those feelings and your brain is just trying to protect you from something that once was very,

Very scary,

Right?

Which is why it's always interesting when we have a meditation practice or yoga practice or kriya practice to actually say,

No,

I am going to complete the kriya or I am going to sit here for 20 minutes and meditate or whatever it is.

So the brain says,

Oh,

And then we hold a very safe space for ourselves so that we can actually feel whatever it is that's inside.

So we do this unconsciously suspension of the breath,

But in this case,

We're actually going to do it on purpose to actually stop all of the sensory registering of pain,

Pleasure,

Whatever.

So I'd like you to sit nice and tall,

Wherever you are,

On a chair,

On the floor,

On a stool,

Wherever you are.

And I'd like you to place your left hand over your heart center with your fingers pointing to the right.

So your hand is just over your heart center,

Kind of picking the ear to the floor.

That was your left hand,

Sorry.

Your right hand is in index and thumb tips touching.

Your elbow is resting at your side and your hand is up,

Kind of like you're giving an oath.

So you're nice and relaxed.

Your eyes are closed.

You're just going to breathe deeply for a moment,

Just like this.

Your left hand over your heart,

The right hand in Dhyanudra at your side,

Like you're taking a nap.

And you're breathing deeply,

Expanding the belly as you inhale,

Contracting as you exhale.

Now what I'd like you to do on your next inhale,

Inhale and at the top of the inhale,

Just stop breathing.

You don't have to hold it or make any pressure on the lungs.

Just stop breathing like you're just pausing to look around from the mountaintop.

And when you're ready,

We're going to exhale.

And similarly,

At the bottom of the exhale,

You're just going to pause the breath.

And continue this.

We're just going to do this for a couple of minutes,

Inhaling,

Pausing at the top of the breath for as long as you want.

Exhaling,

Pausing at the bottom of the breath for as long as you want.

And let's just take a deep breath in together.

Stay with your eyes closed.

Exhale,

Let your hands rest in the lap.

I'm just going to read to you for a moment.

INDRIYA DVARAKAM SARVAM SUKHA DUKHA ADI SANGAMAM ITI INDRIYANA SAM THYAJNA SVATA SVAATMANI VARTATE Consider all the pain and all the pleasure you have ever experienced as waves on a very deep ocean which you are.

From the depths,

Witness those waves rolling along so bravely,

Always changing,

Beautiful in their self-sustaining power.

MARVEL THAT ONCE YOU IDENTIFIED WITH ONLY THE SURFACE OF THIS OCEAN.

BUT NOW YOU EMBRACE WAVES,

DEPTHS,

UNDERSEA MOUNTAINS,

OUT TO THE FARTHEST SHORE.

Let's take a deep breath in together.

Exhale.

And let's come back.

Thank you so much for being here.

I hope you have a wonderful day.