Sangha Live: Benefactor Meditation And Q&A, Dharma Talk

So we are going to start with our meditation and and we're going to do a little bit of a a little different variation to what we've been doing,

What we typically do.

We're going to do a visualization and it's a often this practice is referred to as the benefactor meditation or also known as innate compassion and wisdom.

And I will talk a little bit more about the meditation after we do it.

I actually don't want to give too much away.

It's pretty special meditation and I think you'll see why once we get going.

So don't worry,

I will be there guiding us the entire time.

Let's go ahead and jump in.

And again,

I'll be with us the whole time,

So don't worry.

If at any point during the meditation you're feeling just a little bit unsure,

Sometimes doing practices like this can feel a little bit awkward the first few times we do them.

So just expect that it's like doing anything new,

Learning to ride a bike,

Learning to go scuba diving,

Learning to play the piano,

Sometimes can feel a little awkward the first few times.

So just know that going into it.

Okay.

So let's close our eyes.

Make sure that you're in a comfortable position.

If you're seated in a chair,

Uncross your legs.

Make sure your back is straight.

And we'll take a few deep breaths in and out through your nose.

So just at your own pace,

Filling up on the inhale,

Expanding your abdomen,

Opening your chest,

Lifting your shoulders,

Maybe taking a slight pause at the top,

And then a long,

Slow exhale.

Really feeling the breath moving through your body.

Allowing the deep breathing to relax the body,

To relax the mind.

And at the end of your next exhale,

Let your breath return to its own natural rhythm.

And just allow your attention to rest on the breath as a whole.

Feeling that gentle rise on the inhale,

Softening on the exhale,

Allowing your attention to sink into the rhythm of your breath.

And I want you to bring to mind someone that we typically call as a benefactor.

This can be someone you know,

Can be a spiritual teacher,

A spiritual figure.

It can be the Dalai Lama,

Thich Nhat Hanh,

Jesus,

The Buddha,

Can be a dear friend.

But we're just bringing to mind someone that we feel a great deal of love and compassion from when we think of them.

If it's a dear friend or a family member,

Someone we feel very safe with.

We know they have our best interests at heart.

It can be an animal,

It can be a pet.

We don't have to use the same person in each meditation.

So don't get too concerned about choosing the absolute right person,

But just someone that you feel a great deal of comfort with.

And I want you to imagine that this being is sitting in front of you,

And you're looking into their eyes,

And you see such love and care for you,

Such compassion and understanding.

You feel as though they really see you.

They see all of you.

They see all your good qualities,

Every act of kindness and generosity that you've ever done.

And they also see all of our less-than-kind acts as well.

They don't judge us.

They have nothing but love and compassion for us.

You feel truly seen and accepted in their eyes,

In their heart.

And you can imagine there's this connection between their heart center and yours.

And all of their feelings of kindness and care and concern for you,

Of kindness and care and concern for us,

Are flowing in this beautiful radiant white light from their heart center to your heart center.

And you feel this white light filling your whole body,

Filling your body with the feeling of love,

Of being understood,

Of being cared for,

Of seeing,

Of being seen.

The light feels warm,

Glowy,

As you radiate in the feeling of their love and kindness.

You see them smiling at you.

They're so proud.

They want nothing but the best for you.

And you truly feel accepted.

Every part of you is being seen and loved.

And then we imagine that we are able to move through this white light into this other being's heart center,

Into their eyes.

And we see ourselves through their eyes.

We see what they see.

We see all the pain and the alienation and the loneliness and the feelings of unworthiness.

And we see that it's okay,

Because that's part of us.

And we see that those parts are as worthy of our love.

We see how this being sees us so completely,

So fully,

Loving every single part of us,

Accepting us,

Seeing that we are worthy of their love.

We are seeing what they see.

There's no judgment,

No regret,

Just seeing a beautiful being that's doing their best.

And you can smile as you look at yourself,

Seeing just how worthy you are,

And being so appreciative of being able to see yourself through someone else's eyes,

All the things that you want to see.

All the things that you wish you could tell yourself,

You say now.

All the things you need to hear,

You can say them to yourself now.

And then slowly,

You come back through that white light,

Back into your body,

Feeling all the love and the care and the appreciation of being who you are.

And you look one more time at your benefactors' eyes,

And you thank them for their kindness,

For their care,

For their love,

For helping you to see what you can do,

And you see them smiling.

They're so happy.

This is all they have ever wanted for you.

And you can see that they're so happy.

And you can see that they're so grateful for you.

This is all they have ever wanted for you.

And as they slowly fade away,

You rest in the energy of your heart center,

Feeling this energy expanding with each breath and relaxing,

Feeling the vibration of this loving energy within you.

You might notice that you feel lighter,

More spacious.

And at the same time,

You are filled with this loving energy,

Filled with the vibration of love.

And for the last few minutes of our meditation,

We will just rest here,

Savoring this feeling,

Familiarizing ourselves with this feeling,

Resting in this feeling of being whole.

And as we begin to come out of the meditation,

Bringing your hands to your heart center,

And just expressing your gratitude one more time to your benefactor,

Thanking them for being there,

For sharing their wisdom and compassion,

For sharing their love,

And when you're ready,

You can open your eyes.

Hi,

Gary.

Hi,

Mari.

Oh,

Gary,

I'm sorry to hear that it's been a raw month.

I was with you last week.

I was having a rough week as well.

And you know,

We do get those.

Although I think it's been a couple,

This has been going on for you,

Because in fact,

I think you were having a bit of a tough time a few weeks back.

So,

Yeah,

I'm sorry,

Gary.

I'm so sorry.

It's tough when we're going through difficult times.

It's tough.

And it's tough when it can continue on for a long period.

Like a month.

It's really tough.

It feels like it will never end.

And it's tough to keep,

Excuse me,

To keep coming back,

To keep coming back to the present moment,

To keep breathing into it,

To keep bringing self-compassion.

Because it's like,

Man,

How many times do I have to do this?

And it's like,

You have to do it as many times as it takes.

And it's so tough.

I mean,

I know what you're going,

I know,

Gary,

Because every one of us,

No one is here unless you have experienced suffering.

That's why we're here.

We're acknowledging,

We're acknowledging that we've all experienced suffering.

So,

We all know what is.

And this is where the part of our practice,

The faith part of our practice can be really challenging.

It's easier for us to have faith when things are going our way,

When everything seems to be syncing up,

Right?

We feel like those little synchronicities.

And it's like,

Oh,

Everything just seems to be floating along.

And it's like,

Oh,

I don't know,

I don't know,

I don't know.

Floating along.

Or even just in hindsight,

Like,

Yeah,

It worked out,

Now I'm on the other side,

Now I can have faith again.

I mean,

It's hard to have faith in the present moment.

It's hard to trust the present moment.

It's hard to trust that whatever we're experiencing in this moment,

That there is a lesson there for us.

That there's something for us to learn.

At the very least,

To see that our pushing back on it is not helping.

That we're not making things better for ourselves.

That this is where we need our kindness,

And our love,

And our compassion,

And our patience.

Because whatever it is that we're going through,

Like,

Something's having to work its way out.

And sometimes,

And I think,

Gary,

Was this the other week where you were saying you couldn't even put your finger on it?

Like,

There was just,

I think you were having some family problems.

But I think also you were like,

I'm just not really,

I'm just not really,

You know,

It's sometimes like we can't really put our finger on,

Well,

Why do I feel this way?

There's not any particular one big reason.

We can maybe point to some,

You know,

A series of little things that have been happening.

But sometimes it's just,

It's just stuff working its way out.

You know,

Stuff that we haven't been able to look at before,

Right?

We have a hard time dealing,

Being with our pain,

Being with our suffering,

Right?

It's very,

You know,

It's unusual to not want to push back on pain,

Right?

Why wouldn't we push back on pain?

Nobody wants it.

Nobody wants the unpleasant conditions,

The criticism,

The losing,

The discomfort.

And yet we all get it.

We all,

We all have this as part of our lives.

So the spiritual path is not about imagining that we go on a path and it's like,

Oh,

I never experienced suffering again.

Because sometimes there's still things for us to learn.

In fact,

There's always,

And I just say there's always something for us to learn.

The moment we think there's nothing for us to learn,

A big lesson is brewing in our future.

Because there's always something for us to learn.

And I think one of the biggest lessons for us is to learn to give our attention to our pain,

To our hurt,

To our sadness,

To our feelings of loneliness,

Our feelings of alienation,

Our feelings of screwing up,

Of feeling unworthy,

Of feeling unlovable,

Of being able to be mindful and with those feelings to breathe into them,

To be with them,

To love every part of us,

Every part of us.

It's what we talked about last week when we were saying like in the suffering,

In the suffering is the compassion.

If it wasn't there,

The compassion would have nothing to grow out of.

They need each other.

The lotus needs the mud.

It can't come out without the mud,

No lotus.

Right?

And it's the same.

Our suffering is what the compassion is there to come out of the suffering,

But we're so we're so habitually oriented towards pushing back on our suffering,

On thinking this shouldn't be happening,

I shouldn't be experiencing this,

And wanting to go up in our thoughts to try and come up with a thought-created solution.

And that's also just pushing back.

When we're looking for the solution instead of being with the feelings,

Like there's hurt here,

There's sadness here,

Right?

To come in and give it our full attention,

We don't give it our attention.

Say sadness,

Here you are,

Here you are,

You have my full attention now,

My full attention.

And breathe and create space,

Allowing it to be here.

Right?

I think it's Maya Angelou that says like in every dark cloud there's a rainbow.

And we're so quick to want the rainbow,

Like okay enough with the dark cloud,

But it's like if we're pushing back,

If we're wanting to jump too quickly to the other side of it,

That's even jumping to the other side,

That's resisting it.

It's not giving our attention to our feelings.

And I think that's one of the most important lessons that we can learn on the path is how to be with our unpleasant feelings and emotions.

Those tough days,

Those tough weeks,

Those tough months,

We all have them,

Gary,

We all have them.

I mean,

As Bea was saying,

She's on my newsletter,

I'd sent out on Sunday,

I'm like,

I'm just having a shitty week.

Like it's just,

And I couldn't for any particular reason,

There wasn't like anything particularly to say why am I having this bad week.

It just,

You know,

I wasn't feeling great.

I just wasn't feeling great.

And it's important for us to honor when we're not feeling great.

And it is uncomfortable,

It is uncomfortable,

It's uncomfortable.

But you can bear anything in this moment.

It's that what happens is our thoughts start extrapolating out into the future.

My God,

This has been going on for so long.

How am I going to handle this in another hour?

What if it's still here tomorrow?

What if it's still here next week?

Right?

Instead of saying,

I don't know what's going to be here tomorrow.

I don't know,

But I know what's here right now.

Is my discomfort?

Is my sadness or my grief or my just something just doesn't feel right?

I don't know what it is.

But something just doesn't feel good.

And so I need to bring my attention in here.

I need to practice having faith in the present moment,

In being with what's here.

And yeah,

And not overthinking it.

Not saying that sometimes there is a problem that does require some thinking,

Right?

I mean,

We don't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Thinking is thinking is okay.

But when we're in that state,

When we're thinking pushing back,

And we're just grasping at a solution to try and take away the unpleasant feelings,

Usually we'll grasp at the,

You know,

We're just looking for a short-term solution to get out of something.

And often because we're so clouded by the pushing back and the grasping at the solution,

Whatever comes out,

Whatever thought-created solution comes out that point is usually not a very skillful solution.

So it's again,

It's trusting that I've got to come in and be with this.

The more space and ease that I can find in this,

Even in the discomfort,

Even in the discomfort,

When you stop pushing back on the discomfort,

And you go,

Okay,

This is what's here,

Right?

Or if tears want to flow,

If there's screaming that wants to happen,

And it's appropriate for where you are,

Like,

Let it out and just say,

This is what needs to come out.

Right?

If there's a good friend to talk to,

That's also helpful.

You know,

Coming on your sangha.

I mean,

All those,

I saw the beautiful messages that were going to you.

You know,

Coming on to your sangha is so,

So helpful.

And I'm so grateful.

I'm so grateful that we've been able to be here for you.

Absolutely.

This is what our sangha is for,

To help each other.

Because we all go through it.

We all go through it.

And I think that's also important to remember when we're not experiencing it,

To not take those good conditions for granted,

To not let up on our practice,

On our meditation,

On being mindful,

On our compassion practices,

Tending to our heart,

To not let up when things are good,

Because we know those conditions are going to change.

So we always want to remember that when we experience good conditions,

Have gratitude,

Be grateful,

They're not going to last.

And when they change,

Right,

We're not so surprised.

We're not grasping back,

Oh,

No,

No,

No,

No,

No,

I've got to get back to that.

It's like,

Okay,

They're changing.

Okay,

I can be with this too.

Because again,

Even though the highs and the lows,

And they do,

They come and they go.

They come and they go.

Throughout the day,

You know,

Our energy's up,

Our energy's a little bit low,

We're feeling a little bit hungry,

We're feeling a little bit full,

Maybe we eat too much,

Right?

Just,

It's that,

You know,

We're a little,

By the end of the day,

Maybe there's just been a lot of things that have been happening,

Right?

We're just feeling a little bit more,

A little bit more tense,

Right?

It's just,

Just changing all the time.

And what we're trying to do is not to imagine that things,

That we don't experience these different feelings and emotions,

But that we don't push back on them,

That we're with them,

That we find the peace,

Even within the unpleasant,

Even in the unpleasant.

And trusting and having faith in our practice,

In our path.

You know,

Whether you're a Buddhist,

Or a Christian,

Or a Hindu,

Or a Jewish,

Or just,

You know,

Having trust in the universe itself,

Of which you are a part,

Not separate from,

Of which you are a part.

And to remember,

Also,

That you are not alone,

That there are millions of people that are going through this right now.

Millions of people that are experiencing difficulties.

And there is a rainbow somewhere in this dark cloud.

Don't grasp at the rainbow,

But sometimes don't grasp at the rainbow,

But sometimes it's just good to remember that when we,

When we all think back to the,

To the difficulties,

The suffering,

The challenges that we've had,

We also know that that's what's made us.

It's made us who we are.

It's where the compassion comes from,

Why we can be empathetic,

Why we can be so compassionate and understanding towards others,

Because we know ourselves what it's like.

So I know this has been tough,

Gary,

I know this has been tough.

As best you can just to keep coming back in,

To keep coming back in and feeling it.

Maybe journaling as well.

Journaling can be very helpful.

Slows down our thoughts,

Right?

We think at three,

We can think at a rate of 300 to 1000 plus words per minute.

And when we're in distress,

We're up at the 1000 mark.

But we can't write more than like 20,

25 words a minute.

So it just naturally slows down our thoughts and we start to get a little clarity.

So writing,

Journaling can be super helpful.

Holding your heart.

Doing the meditation that we just did can be super helpful as well.

So just really,

Yeah,

Feeling,

It's feeling,

It's feeling.

Because we don't,

And I'm going to get back to some of the other points,

But I just saw Whitney's point here,

Just because you're just so spot on,

I think with what I'm reading the first few lines,

That if you allow yourself to feel the emotions at the time they are expressing,

Then they pass more quickly.

Yeah.

When you resist and try to press them down,

They just build and intensify.

Yeah.

And they just come back and they keep coming back.

Not that,

Sorry,

And I shouldn't,

I should say this.

We will always still experience emotions,

But a lot of the emotions that we're experiencing are simply the emotions that we have repressed and pushed back on.

It's,

If that's how you are arising in this moment,

Some fear,

Some sadness,

Some unsteadiness,

The ground feels unsettled,

Right?

Whatever it is that's arising,

Be with it in this moment.

The fear,

It's being with the fear,

Facing,

Facing our fears.

And I think one of our greatest fears is facing our unpleasant emotions.

We just don't want to experience them.

We will do anything to avoid them.

We will distract ourselves,

Eat food,

Alcohol,

Drugs.

You know,

We will do anything to avoid feeling what it is that's here,

Thinking that in the distraction that,

Okay,

Maybe you're getting a bit of short-term relief,

But if you don't feel it now,

It's going to come back.

It's going to keep coming back.

And they just keep building and building and building.

But when you face,

When you face what is here directly,

There is so much power in that,

In being able to face your worst fears.

All right,

Come,

You know,

Lie down on the floor.

I've done this.

I remember doing this years ago,

Lying down on the floor.

All right,

Come and get me.

This just,

It was so overwhelming and it felt so painful.

I'm like,

Okay,

Just come and get me.

Give me all you got because I don't know what else to do with this,

But just bring it on.

Right?

And then there's this realizing that what I was fearing was actually unpleasant.

And maybe there are some tears and there's some catharsis that's happening around it.

But it's the fear that's unseen,

That's unfelt.

I mean,

We're feeling it,

We're reacting out of it,

But we're not seeing it.

That's what builds into the scary monster in our mind.

And then we just look endlessly for ways to escape and avoid.

And gosh,

In our culture,

My God,

You know,

Endless things to distract ourselves,

Endless YouTube videos,

Netflix,

Social media,

News,

Drama,

Gaming,

Shopping,

Porn,

Alcohol,

Drugs.

I mean,

Just food.

I mean,

Endless,

Endless ways to distract ourselves.

So yeah,

I hope what you're taking in,

That all of these beautiful,

All of your beautiful sisters and brothers on here that are giving you this good advice.

You've got to feel it.

You've got to feel it to be with it.

Just one breath at a time.

One breath.

Just be with what's here.

There was a,

I hope I can remember this correctly.

Pema Chodron was talking about this lecture she had gone to see in the 60s of this man that was talking about his spiritual experiences.

And his spiritual practice was very much about wanting to get rid of his anger and his jealousy and his pride and all of those emotions and his fear,

Really wanting to get rid of his fear.

His teacher,

Of course,

Kept telling him,

You know,

To be with them.

You know,

You've got to allow them to come through.

And even that he thought was secret code for no,

Don't feel them.

So his teacher sent him to go and meditate up in the foothills of the Himalayas in a hut for,

I don't know,

A few weeks.

And the very first night he gets there and he lights some candles and he's meditating.

And then around midnight he hears a little sound in the corner and he opens his eyes and he sees a snake.

And he's sure that it's a cobra,

A cobra just kind of swaying back and forth.

And he's just gripped with fear,

Just gripped with it.

And he just can't take his eyes off of the snake.

And just all that was left in that moment was the,

Was him,

The snake,

And the fear all night until finally the last candle kind of burned out and dawn was approaching.

And finally he had this,

This release of tears and gratitude that he had faced his fear all night.

He was with it.

There was nowhere else to be.

And he bowed down in gratitude to the snake and he fell asleep for a few hours.

And when he woke up,

The snake was gone.

Of course,

He says,

I don't know if there was really a snake there or not.

Could have just been something,

You know,

Flickering off the candle,

But for whatever it was,

It pulled every fear in him.

And he was so with his fear,

There was nowhere else for him to be that he realized the fear,

Going to the fear,

Being with the fear was what freed him.

Not that he wouldn't feel fear again,

Not that he wouldn't even have anger or jealousy,

But that he didn't have to push back on any of these.

And I know like when we hear stories of people doing this,

It's so inspirational.

Even when we tell our own stories,

We think back to our own experiences and we think,

Wow,

You know,

I got through it.

But when you're in it,

It seems the darkest.

And you are closest to the light when it is dark.

You cannot have the light without the dark.

And I know these are just,

I mean,

They're true.

I hope they bring a little bit of comfort,

A little bit of comfort because just from our sangha,

That can be so just feeling that support,

That love.

So even in your suffering,

Right?

Look at all the love that's pouring out for you.

Right?

Isn't that beautiful?

Yeah.

And thank you,

Matthew.

Just thank you for your words there.

I do agree.

I think sometimes it can be a little more difficult for a guy.

Yeah.

I just,

You see,

Not one person here is saying don't feel it,

Gary.

We're all saying feel it.

And I want you to know when you're feeling it,

Even you can make this a practice when you're feeling it.

Imagine your sangha,

They're with you,

That we're all with you,

Right?

This is the power of visualization,

Right?

And it's why we did the visualization practice.

Which I will talk about in a minute.

The power of our mind,

Right?

The power of our mind to magnify our fears,

Our faults,

Our mistakes,

And then the power of our minds to imagine the reality that you have so many people that love you and care about you.

And that it doesn't have to just be here during our sangha time,

That it's when you're sitting at home and you are just feeling like,

Oh,

Like I've just,

I kind of,

I feel like I've reached my,

I've reached my limit I can't take anymore.

And then you can really just say,

I'm going to pull in all my sangha here,

All those beautiful words,

Take some screenshots of all those messages,

And you can just look at them again and go,

Oh,

Yes,

Look what Matthew said here,

Look what B said here,

Look what Philippa said,

Look what Chelsea said,

You know,

And Angie and S and Whitney,

Right?

Look what all of them said,

Look at all this,

And all the hearts that you were getting,

Like,

They're all here with me,

I can bear it with them.

And you can just imagine all that love,

You can imagine like the little hearts that float up,

Like you could just imagine them floating all around,

You're going,

They're here with me,

Helping me bear this,

They're here with me,

Helping me bear this,

Right?

I can be with this,

I can be with this,

With my sangha,

I've got my brothers and sisters here,

And they're helping me to bear this.

And that just can really help you to center you,

To help you feel it,

So you don't have to walk on your own,

Right?

You can walk,

You can have all your sangha there with you,

You can have your benefactor who you maybe used in the meditation,

Right?

Again,

That's the power that we have to bring in these things,

To visualize,

To use visualizing in a skillful way,

Not in a way that makes things worse,

Not catastrophizing,

Not extrapolating out into the future,

What does this mean?

What it means right now is just there's something going on,

And I need to give it my attention,

And I think I need a little extra strength,

I need some help.

And that is so courageous,

So courageous in being able to ask for help,

So courageous,

And saying,

And I can just bring them on.

I can imagine Angie and Thomas and Matthew and Bea,

They're all here,

Whitney and Emma,

They're all here,

And they're here with me,

Helping me,

And that can really get you through it.

And Mari is here,

They're all here for you.

It's one breath at a time,

One moment at a time,

But don't be afraid to pull in the power of your sangha,

Imagining them,

Visualizing everyone there with you.

We will all be honored to be there for you.

And for any one of us here,

Right,

This is the power of sangha,

This is the power of sangha,

This is the power of sangha,

Right,

Being there for each other.

And knowing that we would all want to be there for each other in our darkest time,

So call us in,

Feel us in your heart,

All you have to do is think about it,

And just bring in all the love and the care and the support,

Because we do all need to be held sometimes,

We do need that.

Sometimes it's too much to bear,

And we need to be reminded,

And we need to,

I think most of all,

We need to know that we have friends,

That we have our sangha that can support us,

Because in community,

When we have others supporting us,

It really makes anything more bearable.

Not to,

You know,

We don't have to bear it alone,

We don't have to bear anything alone.

We're here for each other.

Yeah,

Just remember that,

Gary,

We're all here for you.

We're all here for you,

Okay?

And for all of us to remember this,

Because we all face difficult times,

We all face it,

And it's where,

I mean,

You know,

As a Buddhist,

The Buddha,

And I think there are many of you on here that are Buddhists,

The Buddha,

Dharma,

Sangha,

Is our refuge,

Is our refuge,

And it's what has carried me through a million dark moments.

You know,

That just,

That trust,

That faith,

That whatever I'm going through right now,

This path is going to support me through it.

This path will be there for me,

And it's still going to suck.

It's still going to suck,

And that's okay.

That's okay.

And that's okay.

That's okay.

Oh,

Thank you,

Kiran.

Oh,

I love that.

Such an Irish name,

Kiran.

Thank you.

And I love the cranberries,

Too.

Man,

She has just that ethereal voice.

Yeah,

Thank you,

Kiran.

Okay.

And I'll just say,

I will go back to some of the other comments in a moment,

But,

You know,

Our practice,

The practice that we,

That is being taught here,

Is very much a practice of wisdom and compassion,

That we need both wisdom and compassion.

If we just have the wisdom,

It's really,

In fact,

It's not real wisdom,

It's just wisdom,

In fact,

It's not real wisdom,

It's just an intellectual understanding.

And compassion without wisdom is just a little too flighty.

It's not as stable.

And so we do a lot on the wisdom teachings here,

Talking a lot,

Impermanence,

Interconnectedness,

Emptiness,

Really trying to understand the nature of reality,

The nature of who we are,

Right?

And we need to understand that.

That's also important for us to see.

But I think we see things the most clearly when our hearts are open.

And so doing,

You know,

As you know,

I talk endlessly about Tonglen meditation,

Because I think that is just one of the most beautiful practices in the world.

But also doing these visualization practices are incredibly helpful.

And I do find it interesting because in most of the studies,

Most of the Western scientific studies that they do on meditation,

When they use the experts,

Almost,

I don't,

I'm sure that does exist somewhere,

But I don't know that I've ever seen it where it hasn't been a Tibetan Buddhist monk that was the expert for the monks,

For the monastics,

Meaning they're not generally coming from other traditions.

And this isn't a commentary on other traditions,

But just to hear me out here.

And so we'll look and say,

Wow,

Look at their brains when it comes to compassion,

When it comes to gamma brainwave activity,

When it comes to,

You know,

Insula activation,

Like different parts of the brain,

The prefrontal cortex,

The amygdala being downregulated,

Right?

They'll look at all these things and they'll go,

Wow,

Look at this.

And then look at these brand new meditators practicing mindfulness meditation here,

Or loving kindness meditation.

And then look at these monks over here.

And yet what they don't talk about in the studies,

And I don't think this is anything nefarious.

I don't think there's any,

Um,

I just,

I don't know why this is,

This is just not disclosed,

But these Tibetan Buddhist monks,

While they do start with Samatha,

Concentration,

Uh,

Mindfulness meditation,

Most of what they do are these elaborate visualization practices.

It's guru yoga,

Deity yoga,

These tantric practices with these,

These visualizations,

These really elaborate visualizations.

Um,

And so,

Um,

I forget his name,

John,

I cannot remember the name.

I'm so sorry.

I'm forgetting the name of the,

The,

The monk,

Right?

Or not the monk,

But the meditation teacher,

The professor that,

That took a lot of these Tibetan Buddhist meditations,

These elaborate rituals,

Um,

And kind of made them a little bit more contemporary.

And,

Um,

And this is one of those meditations that we did,

The benefactor meditation,

The innate compassion meditation.

And,

Um,

And I think it is a little bit more accessible for us.

I know when I first started doing those practices,

I mean,

Over 20 years ago,

It was kind of like,

I don't know what this is,

Like,

This is a little bit strange.

And it took me a long time to really get on board with them.

Um,

There was a lot of resistance,

A lot of like,

This is strange,

I don't know what this is.

And it did take a long time for me to really understand and appreciate them.

And so I think these,

What he's been able to do by making these practices a little bit more accessible by bringing in just a benefactor,

Again,

It can be your best friend,

It can be your grandmother,

It can be your pet,

Right?

But just these ways to,

Um,

Uh,

You know,

Help us really,

You know,

Thinking of someone that we really,

We know has our best interests at heart,

That we know has our best interests at heart.

And yet,

Uh,

And that we can see,

You know,

Feel their love,

Feel their unconditional love for every part of us.

And then to even see ourselves through their eyes,

To see ourselves as they see themselves,

Or sorry,

See ourselves as they see us.

And to still love every little part of us,

Every part of us,

To love every part of us.

This is a really powerful practice as well,

To,

To help us appreciate who we are.

We did the teaching two weeks ago where we talked about,

You know,

Being who we are,

Right?

We use the story of Rabbi Zusha,

Right?

Zusha be Zusha,

You know,

Don't be Moses,

Don't be Abraham,

Don't be Jacob,

Zusha be Zusha,

Gary be Gary,

Kieron be Kieron,

Angie be Angie,

Melanie be Melanie,

Right?

For each of us to be who we are,

To embrace who we are,

To appreciate who we are.

And,

And,

And so we know that this is,

You know,

Important,

We don't want to push back on any part of us.

And one of the parts or the aspects I really find,

I think what really drew me to Buddhism,

So long ago,

Was that while all traditions,

All religious traditions,

Spiritual traditions would say this,

Of course,

Appreciate who you are,

If it's Christian,

You know,

Hindu,

You know,

This is God's gift who you are,

Um,

You know,

Be who you are.

But what I love about Buddhism,

It says,

And this is how you do it.

And these are the practices that you do,

This is how you do it,

Right?

The meditation,

Mindfulness,

Kindfulness,

Self-compassion,

And then these,

These,

These practices,

These visualizations,

Which have a really,

Remember,

Our brain does not know the difference between reality and what we are thinking about.

I'm sorry,

Reality,

Or just,

Sorry,

Reality,

Or just,

Yeah,

What we're thinking about,

What we're imagining,

Right?

We're,

We're walking down the street,

We're perfectly safe,

But we're rehearsing some conversation we've got to have,

That's going to be difficult in the future,

Or we're thinking about some conversation back there,

And it's like,

Oh,

I feel so threatened,

I feel so defensive.

And your brain's like,

Oh my God,

Something's wrong,

Right?

The amygdala starts initiating the stress response,

And we get more tense,

Our blood pressure's up,

We're becoming,

Um,

Feeling more threatened,

Because our brain does not know the difference between reality and our imagination.

And so we use our imagination in that way to benefit us,

To pull in our benefactor anytime you need them,

Anytime you need them,

That you're struggling,

Right?

Not just in the formal meditation,

But anytime you need them,

You can pull them in.

But doing the meditation also helps you,

So that you can just kind of pull them in as needed.

And it really has a really beneficial impact on us,

On our neurochemistry,

On the different neural networks in our brain,

In our ability to really,

To love those parts of us that we just,

We struggle loving.

The parts of us that screwed up,

The parts of us that,

You know,

You know,

Just aren't so good,

The parts of us that sometimes have a stingy day,

Stingy moment,

Just a tough moment,

Um,

You know,

To be able to look at that in the entirety to say,

I can love every part of me.

To be able to do that takes practice,

And bringing in a benefactor in this way in the meditation really,

Really helps,

Super helpful for us.

So I'll do,

In fact,

I'll put this meditation,

Um,

Because as I think most of you know,

I put the recordings up on my teacher's page,

Or I put it up on YouTube.

I'll take the meditation,

I'll actually put it at the end of the talk of today's,

Um,

Sangha talk.

And then I'll also put a,

I will put a separate meditation up as well,

So that you have this meditation to go and practice.

And there's some other variations of it that we'll do as well over the next few months,

Um,

Because they're just,

They're beautiful,

Beautiful practices.

And it's the how,

It's the really deep how,

How we do this.

And,

Um,

And so when we're looking at those brain scans of all the monks and going,

Well,

Look at them out there,

You,

You know,

We want to be doing the practices,

Or even the,

The Western equivalent practices that are similar,

That I think give you that type of growth,

That type of,

Um,

Deep and profound compassion and wisdom,

And mostly,

And mostly,

And mostly the compassion for ourselves.

My God,

The compassion for ourselves.

We've got to have it here first,

To be able to have true compassion for others.

Okay.

Oh,

Karen,

Thank you.

Your kinds of,

Your words are very kind.

Thank you.

And Philippe,

I just beat you to it.

Great.

Oh,

Yay,

Whitney.

Oh,

I'm so glad.

The how,

Yeah.

This is the how.

This is the how.

Okay.

I'll just go back.

I don't,

I think a lot of these were just messages for you,

Gary.

I just want to make sure I didn't miss anything.

Oh,

Yes.

And Yungi Mingpor Rinpoche.

Yeah.

So he's a lot of the brain studies.

They do a lot on him.

Tibetan monk,

Tibetan monk.

He wrote a book about,

Yeah.

And Gary,

Absolutely,

Please don't.

No,

No feeling sorry.

I mean,

Again,

Without that,

Without you sharing,

Look,

Everyone else was able to connect.

Like,

This is the point in suffering,

Right?

It's not,

It's not one thing.

It's not one thing.

It's,

You know,

If there wasn't someone suffering,

Who could we have compassion for?

If we weren't suffering,

Who could,

Where could we put our compassion?

And so it's really,

You know,

Important to remember,

Like,

If someone needs our help,

You know,

It's always important to remember that,

Yeah,

Without that person needing our help,

We wouldn't have been able to step up to be kind.

You know,

We wouldn't have that opportunity,

Right?

If someone wasn't being unkind to us,

We wouldn't have that opportunity to really practice true compassion,

To really understand that they are suffering.

That they're suffering,

Because if someone wasn't unkind to me,

How would I know that I was really getting it?

Right?

How would I know if I was really getting the teachings or not?

If everyone is just kind to us,

We'd never know.

And there's a story of a famous Tibetan monk in Tibet,

And he had,

Whenever he would go from monastery to monastery,

He always took this really grumbly,

Really unpleasant attendant with him.

The guy was lazy,

And he never did what he was supposed to be doing.

He didn't look after the lama at all.

And some of the other monks,

Like,

They just couldn't stand this guy.

And they went up to the lama one day,

And they're like,

Look,

Like,

You know,

We would gladly,

Any one of us would gladly take over as your attendant.

We would look after you properly.

We would do all the things you need.

You know,

We just,

We think the world of you,

And we just think this guy is just horribly,

Speaks badly to you.

He doesn't respect you.

And the monk says,

The lama says,

He's like,

Oh my God,

No,

I would never change this out.

You have no idea how precious that monk is to me,

Because all of you are just so nice to me,

And you do whatever I ask.

He said,

And if that could really get to my head after a while,

And without this other guy,

I wouldn't know if I were getting the teachings or not.

I wouldn't know.

And so I treasure him.

I need him.

And not that we need to carry around an unhappy monk with us all the time,

Because we'll get them.

We'll get the difficult person.

We'll get the person having a bad day.

We'll get it.

You know,

We don't have to go looking for it.

We'll get it.

And it's just a reminder to us.

It's a reminder that,

You know,

People that are hurting,

People that are hurting,

Are generally not very kind.

They generally want to hurt other people,

Because they're hurting so much,

And they don't know any other way to be.

And I'm not making excuses for them.

I'm just trying to see the reality of the situation in a way that brings more compassion for us.

It doesn't mean that we don't set a boundary with that person,

Or it doesn't even mean that we say like,

Hey,

That was a little bit harsh.

That didn't feel so good.

I think,

Well,

Let's finish this conversation another day.

It doesn't mean that we don't stick up for ourselves.

You know,

We're not turning into a doormat,

But that we don't hold any ill will for that person in our heart,

Because the moment we do that,

That becomes our practice.

Now,

Instead of practicing compassion,

I'm practicing ill will and resentment and anger,

And that's what I'm getting good at.

So without these situations,

We wouldn't know whether we're getting it or not.

We wouldn't know if we're getting the teachings.

Every challenge,

Every difficult person,

Every screw up,

Every time we say the wrong thing,

There's something for us to learn there.

And I think mostly what it is for us to learn is compassion and kindness and forgiveness.

If we've heard someone go and apologize,

Of course,

Of course.

Reflect,

How could I have done it differently in the future?

Like,

How might I do this differently?

What can I learn from it?

I couldn't have done anything different back then,

Because that's the way it played out.

But in the future,

What can I learn from this?

What can I learn from this?

Right?

Great.

If you hurt someone in a moment,

Even though that was not your intention at all,

There's still something for you to learn from that.

I had a situation not too long ago with someone on a smaller call.

There was just a few of us.

And so we were just kind of talking.

We were just all kind of sharing.

And I had given some advice to this woman,

Which the advice was good,

But she was not ready to hear it.

And she took offense to it.

And it was hurtful to her.

And for me,

The lesson there was just to remember,

First of all,

I mean,

The main lesson is forgive yourself.

There was no intention of being unkind.

The advice was good advice.

But she wasn't ready to hear it.

And just to remember that sometimes.

Sometimes people aren't ready to hear things.

Right?

Right gift,

Right time.

Sometimes people aren't ready to hear things.

And it's just good to remember that.

It's good,

It's humbling for us to remember that as well.

So there was a lesson in there.

So while I would never want to hurt someone,

And I did apologize to her later,

And she forgave me,

And she understood,

Even out of that painful interaction,

There was a lesson that was learned.

There was something there that was learned,

That was gained.

It's how we learn.

It's how we learn.

And hello,

Umame.

Am I saying that right?

I think we've seen you here before.

I think we've seen you here before.

I'll just go back and I'll come to you,

Mary.

And yes,

Bea,

I will just echo your comments to Gary that you were teaching and helping us too.

I mean,

Look at where the dialogue went because of you,

Gary.

You know,

Again,

The lessons that we're all getting from this.

So it's all interconnected and interdependent.

It's all connected.

Oh,

Thank you,

Mary.

And I'm going to hop to your question.

I'm just going to go back here a little bit.

So just from Thomas,

Where you're thinking,

Is it the mind that suffers whatever the cause,

Whereas the heart knows and is steadfast?

Is it the mind that suffers whatever the cause?

So when the heart is open,

When the heart is closed,

You can be pretty sure we're suffering for sure.

When the heart is closed,

We're pushing back on something.

We're resisting something.

We're judging.

We're comparing.

We're jealous.

We're angry.

We're greedy.

In any one of those mind movements,

There is suffering and the heart is closed.

And so I think what you're referring to is that,

You know,

When we open the heart,

Right,

You can't,

Well,

Of course,

A heart can't be open can't be open while you're having thoughts of anger and jealousy and revenge.

It can be open to your feelings of anger and jealousy.

It can be open to the feelings,

Not the story.

And so it's that,

You know,

When the heart is open,

It's like the mind drops in,

Right?

And then all of a sudden the lotus,

Right?

The jewel in the lotus,

The jewels in the heart of the lotus.

And I really have seen this in my own experience.

When the heart is open,

All of a sudden,

You know,

Even if it's just an awakening in that moment,

You're seeing things clearly.

The anger that you were feeling for someone,

The judgment that you were feeling for yourself or someone else,

The comparing that you were doing,

It just,

It goes away.

And it's just the wisdom all of a sudden is there.

When the mind is resting in the open heart,

The wisdom is there.

So that's why wisdom and compassion,

That I think if you have one without the other,

I honestly believe that you cannot have true wisdom without compassion.

You cannot have true compassion without wisdom.

They are inextricably linked together.

And so to have a balanced practice,

We want to make sure we're nurturing the heart along with the wisdom teachings.

When you're doing it together,

It's intensifying and deepening the practice.

And thank you,

Chelsea,

For the donation.

Thank you.

And Angus,

Welcome.

Good to see you.

Where are you?

I think you're coming in from Australia.

Is this why we're just seeing you now?

And I'll go back again in a minute,

But just because your question came up here.

Gary,

Is it true that you can't feel love and fear at the same time?

Yeah,

Because if you are,

Again,

You can feel love and have the feelings of fear,

Right?

The physical,

Sorry,

The physical sensations in your body.

When you come into your body,

You're experiencing some fear.

And you can love those feelings of fear.

You can give them your full attention.

You can open your heart to the feelings.

But the moment you open your heart to the feelings,

But the moment you go back up into the story of fear,

The heart closes back up again.

And then you come back down to the feelings and the heart opens back up to the story,

The heart closes,

Right?

So yeah,

It is true.

But I do want to be clear also,

You can come in and feel fear in your body.

And your heart can be open because you,

You open your heart to it and saying,

You're here fear.

You're here,

Let me hold you.

Let me give you my attention.

Something's scaring you.

Let me give you,

You know,

I'm here for you.

It's okay that you're here.

I don't need to push you away fear.

It's normally with fear at the same time,

We're,

Oh,

We're trying to push and so the heart's closed.

But we bring it in and then the heart opens.

So which is why bringing it into our,

You know,

Coming into our body,

Feeling our body,

And really being able to open our heart to our feelings,

Whatever it is that we're feeling,

Whatever it is,

Because it's here.

If it's jealousy,

It's here.

If it's anger,

It's here.

If it's greed,

It's here.

Don't,

You know,

Think,

Oh,

I'm bad person for having this emotion that everyone else in the planet has too,

Because you're a human.

But the difference is that you bring your attention and say,

Okay,

Greed,

What are you afraid of greed?

What are you afraid that's not going to be left for you?

Right?

So we can bring our attention to it in a way that's loving and kind and really getting behind like even just the greed or the jealousy,

Right?

Oh,

It's the fear of you're going to be left behind.

Oh,

Sweetheart,

Not left behind.

I'm right here.

Right?

So just really bringing our attention to whatever we're feeling in a loving and kind way keeps our heart open.

So I hope that's clear.

The story of fear,

The heart's closed.

The story of jealousy,

The story of anger,

The story of ill will,

Close,

Close,

Close,

Close,

Close.

The moment you bring in the feelings,

Come into the feelings and you feel it in a loving and kind way,

Giving all your attention to it,

Allowing yourself to feel what's here,

Your heart is back open.

Okay,

I know I'm kind of jumping a little over the place here,

But Mary,

I'm just going to answer this real quick.

When we say benefactor for the meditation,

The benefactor meditation,

I mean,

Benefactor typically has this meaning of a benefactor that like supports you.

Maybe you're doing some work and they're supporting you in doing that good work that you're doing.

But we're using the word benefactor in this way as just someone,

Someone that can be there for you,

That can love and support you.

And so using someone,

It can be someone that we know.

It can be someone,

I mean,

Meaning an intimate personal relationship.

It can be a spiritual teacher.

It can be a spiritual figure.

It can be someone who's passed.

It can be someone who's here.

It can be a saint.

It can be an angel.

It doesn't have to be a,

It's just something that can represent love and unconditional love and compassion and wisdom.

So again,

Like the Dalai Lama,

Thich Nhat Hanh.

It can be Mother Teresa.

It can be Jesus,

The Buddha.

You know,

It can be,

It can be anyone.

It can be an animal.

It can be your dog.

I've done it before in the past with like my dog.

Because seeing yourself through the eyes of your dog,

Now I'd have to choose between I have three dogs.

I don't know which one I would choose because I wouldn't want to leave one of them out.

But I mean,

That was just an amazing like,

Oh,

You know,

They love me.

And so it's just such a beautiful practice.

So just to pull someone,

Someone,

It can be your grandparent,

You know,

Someone that you really feel just has that unconditional love and support for you.

Okay,

I'm just going to hop back a little bit because I think I've missed a few.

I just wanted to go to,

Sorry,

Just flips back to Glenn.

You're curious about how the studies in that practicing frequency and change in awareness,

You said maintain even when experiencing ease and a non-complacency,

Can it unravel?

Can it unravel?

I think I understand your question.

So while,

Of course,

Our brains are plastic,

Right,

Neuroplasticity,

Which is a great benefit,

Right,

That we can always be reshaping our brain,

Quieting the fear centers,

Opening the more compassionate and kinder aspects of our brain,

Even just the physical structures in here,

Or the neural networks in here.

So we can always be changing our brain.

I don't know that I would say that you've,

That if the brain has been changed,

Which,

And again,

The brain just kind of the physical manifestation of what's being known experientially,

Right?

It's just kind of a way of saying like,

Wow,

Look at that,

Look at all that activation in the prefrontal cortex and the,

And the insula and the hippocampus.

And,

You know,

We're just like,

Look at all these things that are going.

And it's interesting because,

You know,

Like what those parts of the brain correspond to.

And it's interesting to be able to go,

Well,

Look at these new meditators,

Look at them after six weeks,

Look at the increased activation in the prefrontal cortex.

Like,

Yeah,

They were able to pay attention more.

They're able to,

Their working memory is better.

You know,

There's a lot of kind of functional type things that you can look at and even just compassion,

Right,

That you can look at in the brain.

But it is,

It's,

It's because of these practices of what you're experiencing that is affecting the brain,

That's changing the brain.

So the mind is changing the brain.

But yeah,

I would say,

And I hope you're still here,

Glenn,

That if you backed off,

And I think if you backed off,

And I think this is what you might be meaning,

If you backed off of your practices,

That it could have changed back for sure.

I would have to say,

Yes,

The brain is plastic.

Why did the Buddha keep meditating after his night of enlightenment?

Right?

I mean,

I mean,

You know,

We kind of think of it as this,

It's one and done.

And no,

I could think that it could easily,

Given the right conditions,

It could easily come back.

I even think of another story,

And I've shared this before,

Of where there was a monk in Tibet that when the Chinese came in,

And he was one of the monks that had gone to the prison,

Was taken into the prison,

And was tortured and badly treated for many,

Many years.

And when he was released,

And he went to India,

And was with the Dalai Lama,

And the Dalai Lama had asked him,

He said,

You know,

What did you fear most when you were in prison?

And the monk said,

I feared that I would lose my compassion for my captors.

And meaning that he,

And he continued to practice compassion every single day,

He feared he would lose his compassion for his captors.

And,

And so,

You know,

It's a continuous practice.

I think that was very wise for the monk to recognize,

I could,

Under these conditions,

I'm being tortured,

Probably starved,

Living in unbelievably harsh conditions.

I mean,

Living in a monastery in Tibet,

Not particularly luxurious,

But you know,

You're in a prison now.

And I think that's unbelievably wise to say,

I fear I could lose my compassion in these conditions.

And so we,

Every moment when he was,

You know,

When able,

Practicing,

Practicing,

Practicing.

I hope that was kind of what you were meaning,

Glenn,

Or what you were asking.

Just go back here.

And Angus,

Just to your point here,

But most times,

Isn't it how people see it through their lens?

Everyone's going to see the world through a different lens.

We'll all look up at the clouds,

And we'll see,

Some of us will see a sheep,

Some of us will see a cow,

Some of us will see Jesus,

Some of us will see the Buddha,

Right?

We will all see something different.

Even if we see a sheep or the Buddha,

My sheep versus your sheep is going to look a little bit different.

We all see the world differently,

Because we're all seeing it through our lens,

All the experiences of Merida,

How Merida's feeling in this particular moment,

What her blood sugar levels are,

Whether she's hungry or not,

How she slept the night before,

What she believes in,

Right,

Her views and opinions,

All of these things affect how we see the world.

And of course,

All of that is all just causes and conditions.

Every one of us arising just causes and conditions.

So it's that understanding that yes,

Yeah,

Everyone is seeing it through,

Like someone who has a different opinion than you,

A different view than you.

Like we're so quick to judge people,

Well,

They have the wrong opinion.

They're just not as informed as I am.

They're just the result of their causes and conditions,

Their views,

Just as your views are the result of your causes and conditions.

That's what we're trying to see,

Right,

Is that everyone is arising,

And that's where the compassion practices and the wisdom teachings,

Like where they really marry together,

Because that's where,

I've shared this before,

Like the true compassion,

Which you're doing the practices alongside,

Because it's not just the,

It's not just the wisdom teachings.

You've got to be doing both,

And that's when it's like,

Oh my God,

I get it.

They are suffering,

Or they are just,

They believe that because they are their causes and conditions.

You are,

They are their causes and conditions,

And I am my causes and conditions too.

Why would I judge someone for their bad day,

When I've had bad days?

I didn't ask for that bad day.

I didn't want it,

Just as they didn't want their bad day.

They didn't want the stress of that day.

They didn't want the criticism that day,

The bus turning up late,

Right?

And then all of their previous conditions,

That maybe they're not on a spiritual path,

That nowhere along there was the word mindfulness ever,

Ever planted as a seed,

That they could pause at some moment,

And even us on a spiritual path,

Right?

Mindfulness,

A condition,

But sometimes it arises,

Sometimes it doesn't.

Understanding that too,

Like,

Yeah.

And this is,

This is where true compassion is,

In understanding,

Wow,

They are just arising their causes and conditions.

If I had their causes and conditions,

I'd have that view too,

That belief,

That anger.

That's true compassion.

That's when it all falls away and you go,

It wasn't personal.

It was never personal.

But we do both practices because it is that continuous opening of the heart that allows the wisdom teachings to go down and then,

Ah,

I get it.

And to not take that insight for granted either,

Because insights are fragile as well.

We got to keep nurturing them.

We're going to reflect on them,

Contemplate,

Meditate on them,

Write them down.

I have so many journals all over the place.

I'm always writing it down,

I go back and flip through.

Oh,

Yeah.

You know,

And also recognizing in every insight,

In every insight,

In every insight,

There was a recognition that I was wrong about something.

Oh,

It feels so good because you're seeing things clearly and you're like,

But I was actually wrong.

That's what I'm seeing.

I was wrong.

So I shouldn't get too attached to this either.

It's helping me see things clearly,

But don't get attached because there might be something more arising out of this too.

It is a continuous peeling back of layers.

You think you're kind of somewhere getting to a center and you're like,

Oh,

No,

There's more.

There's more.

Because we have to,

We can only understand this in,

You know,

We don't want to take these giant leaps too far,

Right?

It's a gradual path.

And as you keep understanding,

You know,

If this was a beginner,

If I was labeling this as a beginner meditation practice,

I wouldn't say some of the things that I'm saying here.

It's just too much.

It would be too much.

But I know,

You know,

Our sangha,

We've been doing this sangha here for a while,

And many of you have been meditating for a while.

And this isn't billed as a beginner meditation,

But at a beginner meditation practice,

I would say things that are not in contrast,

But I would be different because this is where you're at and this is what needs to be learned,

Right?

And then we keep building.

And even,

In fact,

Even with the Buddha,

You know,

With all the thousands,

The tens of thousands of teachings he gave,

I mean,

Sometimes he would focus more on one point.

Sometimes it would seem a little contradictory,

But it was because of the audience,

Right?

It wasn't useful to say something to one person versus it was more useful to say that to someone else.

So yeah,

The compassion and just Gary,

What you're saying here is you've been neglecting your practice.

Thank you for being honest about that.

And time to get back on it.

Don't neglect your practice.

Don't neglect your practice.

You know,

And it's no judgment,

No judgment,

That does not help,

But just,

Okay,

A recognition.

Yeah,

I have actually let my practice go a little bit.

Time to get back on it.

You know,

Time to get back into my daily meditation,

Start small.

You know,

If you were doing 30 minutes before,

Don't start with 30 minutes tonight,

Do five minutes tonight.

Start small as you go back,

As you get back into Start small as you go back,

As you get back into it.

Practice being more mindful,

More kindful,

Self-compassion,

Forgiving yourself,

Giving yourself a break.

That's all part of our practice too.

But it's both the compassion and the wisdom teachings when you're doing them together,

Not,

I mean,

Not saying at the exact same time,

But,

You know,

A well-balanced,

They come together and it's like it all just flourishes.

And you just,

One day you go,

Actually many days,

We all know that,

Right?

One day we go,

And then a couple of weeks later,

Oh my God,

Oh my God,

I'm free,

Right?

And don't get too attached to that.

Don't get too attached to that either,

Because,

You know,

Things can change.

Things can change.

Bye,

Mary,

Good to see you.

Okay,

I'll just go back to a couple other questions.

Oh,

And that's a beautiful mantra,

What Angie's sharing with you,

Yeah.

Putting your hand on your heart,

You know,

And just saying the word love or peace,

Just saying it,

Just feel how good that feels.

Oh,

And Thomas,

So a little follow-up from the friend that we talked about the other week that was harsh and you'd felt bullied,

He tried to call you twice today and said they were getting worried about me.

I messaged back,

I'm okay,

I'm a little perplexed whether they are worth being my friend if they act like that,

Yet I don't want to tell them why.

I told them it wasn't them,

But me,

And I need downtime.

I'd contact them when I felt sociable again.

It sounds like you do need a little space with this friend.

You don't know where it's going to go.

You don't know where this is going to go.

Don't let the mind go out and extrapolate,

But it does sound like the way that you're responding is you would like a little bit of space,

A little bit of time away from them to get a little bit of clarity.

So take this time,

Right,

But don't try to extrapolate out too much.

What does this mean?

Do I want them as my friend?

Do I not want them as my friend?

Trust that sometimes we just need the space and the time.

Do your practice.

Do tonglen practice on them,

Right?

Do loving kindness practice on them,

And not looking for an answer immediately,

But give yourself the space and the time to see what arises.

You don't have to rush.

You don't have to rush,

But you're not sure.

You're not sure,

And it might be also that you're still a little bit hurt because I remember you had said you did want this person to be your friend,

And I think you guys had gone on holiday together,

And you kind of realized like,

Wow,

They were being,

It wasn't a good friendship.

But you also want to give a little bit of,

You know,

You want to make sure that you're not being too quick to cut them out either.

So I think a little bit of space,

A little bit of space.

Oh,

Great.

I think you were saying that you were about to say that.

So you've done five minutes a few times lately.

Self-care.

Fantastic.

Great walk today.

Discovered a gem of a local nature reserve.

Where are you calling in from,

Tom?

Oh,

Nottingham.

Oh,

In England.

How beautiful.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Give it a little bit of time.

Relationships are impermanent too.

Sometimes we're closer with people.

Sometimes we're not.

Sometimes it's geography.

Sometimes it's just they've got a lot going on.

You've got a lot going on,

Right?

Just,

You know,

We so panic.

I need to know how it's going to be.

You know,

We're so always looking for that clear cut.

I just need to know.

And it's like,

No,

The ego needs to know.

The wisdom of your heart would say you do need a little space because it's still a little clouded over.

The hurt,

The disappointment is still probably a little clouded over in your mind.

That's not a good place to be thinking this through.

It's altering your perceptions.

So you just need a little bit more time.

Okay.

And keep doing your practices.

Keep doing your practices.

So yeah,

Let's go ahead and just,

Let's close our sangha with a couple of minutes of meditation.

Just like two minutes,

Just to allow everything to settle in.

So let's close our eyes.

And just feel your breath moving through your body.

And just noticing what you're feeling in your body.

Allowing whatever it is that's here to be here.

We're not pushing anything away.

Just being here with what's arising in this moment.

Bringing our hands to our heart center.

Dedicating the merit of our practice,

Both of our meditations,

The dharma talk.

Dedicating our merit to someone we care about.

And when you're ready,

You can open your eyes.

Lots of love and gratitude to all of you.