You Are Not The Doer | Freedom From The Illusion Of Control

So I thought that I would talk about one of the roles that the separate self likes to play a lot,

One of its probably its most consistent role in our lives,

And that is of the doer.

So behind all the activity of doing is this felt sense that there is a permanent fixed me that is the doer,

That the activity of doing is constantly being claimed as the felt sense of a doer.

And so when you think about it,

Our whole lives are just activity,

Right?

Things happening,

Doing,

Doing unfolding,

Right?

We get up,

Maybe you brush your teeth,

You make some coffee,

You feed the dogs,

You walk the dogs,

Maybe you meditate,

You read the paper.

And all day long,

This is how life is going,

Just this constant unfolding of activity,

Right?

And none of this is a problem,

Because life is simply activity.

It's just,

It's always moving,

It's always changing.

But where it becomes a problem for us is when there is this sense of doership,

That there is a sense of a fixed permanent me as the doer.

And with that sense of doership,

The tension and the heaviness and the anxiety that tends to come along with it.

Because if we just look at one activity,

And we look at it through two different lenses,

One through the lens of just simply activity,

If you're preparing a meal,

So you're in the kitchen,

And you're cooking,

And there's activity,

And you're at the stove,

And you're tossing the vegetables around,

Or then you're at the fridge,

And you're getting something else out,

And now you're at the sink,

And you're straining something,

And then you're back to the stove,

And you're stirring something again.

And there's just,

It's activity,

That's all that's happening.

And there's no problem in there whatsoever.

In fact,

It feels quite pleasant,

It feels quite nice,

That we're just kind of moving from one thing to the next,

Just fully there with the activity of what's happening.

So then,

What typically happens for us,

Is that the doer,

The sense of a doer comes into the activity.

And now,

All of a sudden,

We're doing the same activity,

But it feels very different.

Because now there's a sense of tension,

There's a sense of anxiety around it of,

Oh,

I've got to hurry and get over there,

And oh God,

Look at how many dishes are piling up,

And I'm going to have to do those later,

And that's going to suck,

And oh,

I should be doing this better,

And I hope that they really like this,

And what if they don't like this?

So all of this kind of needing to move faster,

The sense of I need to do it better,

The sense of I need to get something out of it,

I need to get some praise,

I need to get some sense of me out of it,

Really bringing this feeling of anxiety,

This feeling of rush,

Of being rushed,

Of feeling nervous,

Of feeling tense.

And so,

Our whole lives are just activity,

Right?

We're just doing,

It's just constant doing activity.

And yet,

For so much of the activity,

Not all activity,

But for so much of the activity,

And particularly the mundane activities,

The activities that we can do on autopilot,

There is this adding on of a felt sense of a doer,

As though there's something here,

And it's very critical of what it is that I'm doing,

It's I got to do it faster,

I got to do it better,

You know,

I did it wrong.

And so,

This really making it all about a very personal reflection of me,

As though there is a fixed me here,

That the doing is about the doer,

And this is a reflection of me,

The doer.

And this is what the separate self does,

Right?

It takes whatever activity is happening,

And it assumes that there is something,

A thing behind it.

So if I'm thinking,

Then I assume there is a thinker behind it.

If I'm planning,

I assume there is a planner behind it.

If I'm decisioning,

I assume there's a decision maker behind it.

If I'm doing,

I assume there is a doer behind it.

So what we're doing is the brain is kind of taking this verb,

This activity,

This process,

And it keeps assuming there is a noun,

A thing behind it.

And yet there are no nouns in the universe,

There are no things in the universe,

It is all just activity.

Nothing existing independently,

Inherently on its own,

Just conditions coming together,

A certain amount of conditions coming together and a house appearing,

Right?

And as those conditions change,

Because it's always moving,

Life is always moving,

Always happening,

Always changing,

Then the house at some point doesn't appear,

You know,

It disappears after 100 years,

200 years,

Right?

Came into existence,

All these conditions,

Changes,

Goes out of existence.

A tree comes into existence,

All these conditions bringing it into existence,

The appearance of a tree didn't appear on its own.

And then as those conditions change,

The tree going out of existence,

A person,

An individual coming into existence through different causes and conditions,

As those conditions keep changing and changing and changing,

Eventually the appearance of that person no longer here.

And yet,

So out of all this,

Everything,

You know,

Being interconnected,

Impermanent,

Interdependent,

Nothing solid,

Nothing inherently existing on its own,

And yet we perceive ourselves as somehow separate,

Solid,

Permanent,

Fixed outside of all of this.

And even Einstein,

Not a mystic,

Not a sage,

Not a saint,

A scientist,

Even saw this to be true.

And so I want to read one of his quotes.

It's kind of a long one.

In a letter he was writing to a friend where he says,

A human being is a part of the whole called by us the universe,

A part limited in time and space.

He experiences himself,

His thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest,

A kind of optical delusion of his consciousness.

This is seeing ourselves as somehow separate,

As somehow solid,

As somehow independent,

Inherently existing.

So he goes on,

This delusion is a kind of prison for us.

It is.

We know this,

This constant thinking about ourselves,

Seeing ourselves as some solid,

Independent entity.

It is a kind of prison for us.

And he goes on,

Restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us.

Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion,

To embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.

And this is the practice that we're doing.

This is our path to get out of our personal desires,

To stop seeing ourselves as some kind of separate,

Independent,

Permanent,

Inherently existing thing.

But in fact,

To see reality,

The nature,

The nature of reality,

Impermanent,

Interdependent,

Interconnected,

Nothing solid,

Nothing existing on its own.

And when we hear this,

It makes sense intellectually.

And there's often just a sense of relaxation and ease in hearing this,

Of a sense of letting go.

But then it just doesn't take long before the mind,

It just comes rushing back in and saying,

But if I'm not the doer of all of my actions,

Then what's the point of life?

Why should I do anything at all?

Why should I bother getting out of bed in the morning?

I should just stay there all day.

But you won't.

Because eventually,

You're going to get hungry,

You're going to get thirsty,

You're going to want to go to the bathroom,

There's going to be a curiosity of wanting to kind of participate in life,

Of the activity of life,

Right?

The activity is going to start happening on its own.

Without the needing of a doer,

It just starts happening on its own.

Because you weren't doing this,

You as a separate self,

A thought created me,

The doer,

You weren't doing any of this anyway.

It was all just happening.

So life,

Activity,

It just continues on,

As it always has.

But without the burden of seeing ourselves as a doer,

As a personal,

Fixed,

Separate doer.

So when we're doing the dishes,

Right,

We're just doing the dishes.

There's nothing to get out of the dishes,

There's nothing to rush to,

To get to on the other side of doing the dishes,

It's just doing the dishes.

That's the activity that's happening right now.

And it's very pleasant and it's fine.

Because that's the activity of what's happening.

There's nothing to get out of the dishes.

This is the activity of life.

There's no problem.

If we're grocery shopping,

We're doing errands,

If you're at work,

You're working on a spreadsheet,

You're working on a presentation,

You're giving a presentation,

You're dancing,

You're doing a sporting activity,

Whatever it is that you're doing,

You're not looking to get anything out of it.

You're not trying to do it better,

You're not questioning,

What are they thinking of me when I'm doing this?

It's just the activity of doing.

Because life is activity,

There is no one,

No thing doing any of this.

It's just activity.

But the separate self,

The seeing itself,

The illusion of myself as the doer,

This is where we misconstrue things.

Because as the separate self,

As the doer,

I'm always needing to get something out of this moment.

I need to get some praise,

I need to get some success,

I need to get some fame.

And when all of those things don't fulfill me,

Because they never do,

Then I need to find more meaning in my life,

I need to find more purpose in my life.

And so from that viewpoint of me needing to get something out of it,

More meaning,

More purpose,

Even if the acts that are happening on the outside appear quite generous and charitable,

And maybe helping people,

Like great.

But on the inside,

There is no sense of fulfillment.

There's no sense of satisfaction.

Because it's coming from the ego,

It's coming from the separate self,

It's coming from the thought created me.

And the thought created me,

Its nature is dissatisfaction.

Just as the nature,

Our true nature,

The nature of reality is peace,

The nature of the ego is dissatisfaction.

And so when we see,

When we see through the illusion of the doer,

When we see that it's not who we are,

Right,

And it drops away,

There's a seeing of just what needs to be done in that moment.

It doesn't mean activity stops,

There's a seeing of what needs to be done.

The dishes need to be done,

Do the dishes.

If someone needs a hand,

If someone needs some help,

If someone just needs five bucks,

You help,

Right?

You're seeing what needs to be done,

But you're not making it about you,

You're not trying to get anything out of it.

It's just the activity that's happening because it's seeing this is the doing that should be happening based on what's happening,

Right?

And even it can be your career,

Maybe there's a sense of whatever it is that you're doing,

You're working in a corporate job and there's a sense that it's not really aligning with your values.

But instead of making this big thing,

I've got to find more meaning in what I do,

I've got to find more purpose in what I do,

And therefore you will never really find it,

Right?

In seeing there's no personal doer behind this,

In that dropping away,

The activity naturally starts to move towards something that yeah,

Is more aligned with what it is you want to do.

Maybe you're working for a non-profit now or you're working for an industry where they're helping people and there's a nice feeling that comes from that,

From that being aligned,

But you're not making it about you.

Because the moment you make it about you,

Whatever meaning and fulfillment you thought you were going to get from it,

You are no longer getting it.

You're back to dissatisfaction.

And so I do find that the more that there is a seeing through the personal doer,

That the actions naturally do start to move in the direction of more kindness,

More generosity,

More charity,

More service,

More helping others.

There is a natural moving towards that.

Again,

Not for me to get anything out of it,

But this is just the natural kind of inclination of the activity of doing because we're not so caught up in our own personal desires anymore.

Well,

What can I get out of this?

Right?

And as Einstein even said in the quote,

Like we've got to let go of our personal desires.

They have not given us what we thought they were going to give us.

We've had them met so many times and they never brought us the satisfaction that we thought.

And so we drop out by seeing there is no personal doer.

The activity starts to flow in a more compassionate way in seeing that yes,

All things are interdependent,

All things are interconnected.

And the compassion most often starts with ourselves because we can also see that all the things that we look back on in our lives and the things and everyone's done things that,

You know,

We're not necessarily proud of or that we wish,

You know,

Hadn't happened.

But all of those things,

We can look back and we can realize I,

Me as the separate self,

Didn't do them.

They were just conditions coming together and arising.

There was nothing here personal that was doing any of these things.

And now that doesn't mean that there's not some remorse.

It doesn't mean that there's not,

You know,

That we wouldn't go and apologize if that's appropriate,

Right?

What it means is that we're no longer hating ourselves for,

We're no longer loathing ourselves,

Right?

We're no longer hating ourselves,

But we're no longer saying,

And I need to love myself in order to hate myself.

It's neither of these,

None of this in the polarity.

It's seeing I didn't do any of that.

And in seeing that,

And then as that seeing continues,

The actions that tend to follow out of that,

Because they're no longer from a me,

What can I get out of this?

It's from seeing what needs to be done.

Less harm is generally,

There's less harm that is caused in the world because we're seeing things clearly.

And so if we can have more compassion for ourselves and see that I am not the doer of the deeds,

Then we can also see that for others.

And we can stop judging others harshly.

We can start to give them a little bit of the grace of forgiveness,

Of compassion.

Not to say that there's not consequences for actions.

There's always consequences for actions.

We can't avoid that.

But if someone is being unkind to us,

They're acting in a way that's maybe kind of passive aggressive,

Like we can see that,

Yeah,

This is no longer the friendship that you want to hang out with this person any longer,

That's fine.

Right?

And so maybe there's a separation or pulling back from that friendship.

But there's not this story that we're hanging on to,

That they did something to me,

And they were so rude to me,

And they were so painful.

And I should keep thinking about all of the ways in which they shouldn't have done that.

Keeping myself in a prison.

Because there was no one doing that.

It was just the conditions arising in that moment.

That's the seeing of the nature of reality.

And there is so much freedom when we see this,

When we see through the illusion of the doer.

There's just this letting go,

Because I no longer have to get everything out of each moment.

We're no longer premeditating each moment,

Each activity,

Right?

Because there's always the doer is always thinking about what we're going to be doing next.

It can't,

You know,

Kind of stay in what we're doing now.

It's thinking about what we're doing next.

And then we get to that activity,

It's thinking about what we're doing next.

So it's always just kind of moving the goal for us,

Right?

And we're just always in this frenzy.

I've got to get to the next thing.

I've got to hurry.

Oh,

I didn't do that thing right.

Oh,

But now I've got to rush to the next thing.

So we're constantly,

Constantly in this state of anxiety,

Mental anxiety,

The state of rushing from one thing to the next.

And so when we're not premeditating every moment,

When we're not trying to get out,

Get something out of every moment,

There's just a natural letting go and a flow into what's happening,

Right?

This is what's happening.

There's activity,

There's doing,

But there's no doer and there's no problem.

And so this requires a lot of investigation.

It requires a lot of mindfulness,

Right?

Recognizing the doer,

Right?

Recognizing the tension of the doer.

It always has some tension,

Right?

And then allowing ourselves to feel that tension of the doer.

Wow.

Ooh,

Wow.

I was just walking to my car.

I was just doing the dishes or I was just brushing my teeth.

And wow,

Feel that tension of the doer.

And then investigate,

Inquire,

Where is the doer?

Where is it?

You won't find it because it is an activity itself.

There's nothing solid or independent there.

So then you see for yourself by the activity of looking for the doer and you're like,

I can't find it.

See what it is that remains.

And then just keep checking this self where you're checking for yourself again and again.

Is it an illusion?

Does life really need the doer?

Right?

And so when we see that,

We can see,

Is it all just happening without the doer?

And if so,

Great.

Let go,

Right?

Enjoy the ride,

Right?

Feel the freedom of the monkey off your back.

It's a burden to have that monkey on your back.

And when we stop trying to get something out of life,

Suddenly life itself,

The activity of life itself is enough.

And the peace and the contentment and the connection and the freedom that we say we want more than anything else in the world is here in the activity,

In the doing,

But without the doer.

It will never add to your life.

It will only take away.

It will always take away.

So there is real freedom in seeing the doer,

Seeing that the doer is simply an optical illusion,

Another way that the ego expresses itself.

That keeps all of our attention up here in the thought created me instead of the reality of me as an activity,

A process and everything else as an activity,

A process.

That life is just happening as an activity.

There is nothing for me to get out of life.

It is simply that the activity of life is enough.

It will never be enough with the doer.

It will never be enough with the ego.

So keep checking it,

Keep investigating it,

Keep looking for it.

Life is just happening.

It's an activity.

There is no personal doer.

And that should come as a great relief to all of us.

But we do have to look ourselves.

It's not enough to hear it.

You'll hear it intellectually,

It will make sense.

And then you'll turn around and that doer will be right back again.

Question it again and again and again.

And see how life starts to flow more easily.

Notice you're rushing for no apparent reason other than the doer is just the relentless taskmaster that it is,

Right?

And then you recognize,

Oh,

And you go through the process.

I recognize the doer.

I'm feeling it,

Feeling it in my body,

Allowing myself to feel it.

I'm questioning where is it?

And then as you start moving like,

Oh,

This suddenly feels much better.

Still doing,

Still activity.

Just no tension,

No stress,

No anxiety,

No beating myself up,

No critic about what it is that I'm doing,

Just doing because doing is the activity of life.

It's the activity of life,

You don't need anything more out of it.

It's just the activity of life.

Okay,

So the doer is a meal,

Is our topic for today,

The doer.

And I can see there are a bunch of questions in the comments,

So let me go back and look at that.

And hi,

Donnie,

Good to see you.

Hi,

Robert.

Hi,

Jackie.

I'm going to read all of your comments here first,

Robert,

And then see.

So you're first saying,

A person can change,

But exist in a different form and with a different mindset.

Well,

Change is the nature of life,

Right?

The three characteristics of existence,

From a Buddhist perspective,

Everything is impermanent.

There is no independent,

Separate self.

And therefore,

There's ultimately no satisfaction to be found in any one thing,

Because it's always changing,

Everything's changing.

So it seems to be,

The less we think about our desires and think about helping others,

We are now going to live in the present and find the joy that we deluded ourselves to thinking would come from our desires.

Yeah,

Yeah.

Our this is what we think.

We think that if I get what I want,

I'm going to find the happiness.

If my personal desires,

If I get what I want,

And again,

Just this idea that I can get something,

Some kind of meaning,

Some kind of purpose out of this,

Right?

Therefore,

Making myself somehow kind of special,

Right?

That I'm going to feel as a permanent state of satisfaction and contentment.

But all that happens with our desires,

With our personal desires.

When our personal desires are met,

Well,

I'm not saying that there's not some,

You know,

The object maybe that we got the chocolate cake,

The upgrade to first class,

You know,

The massage,

Right?

Has a certain amount of pleasurable conditions within it.

But what feels the best is that for a moment,

Because we finally got the thing that we were desiring,

That for a moment,

That thought created me,

That needed something,

You know,

The doer that needed something finally went away.

But it just goes away for a few moments,

And then it just works itself back up again.

Because there's a realizing,

Whatever it is that's in my hand,

The chocolate cake,

It can't bring me lasting satisfaction.

Past the first few bites,

It can't bring,

You know,

Can bring a little bit of happiness in the first few bites.

But everything that is pleasurable will eventually turn to pain.

Everything.

I mean,

The first slice of chocolate cake,

Great.

The second slice,

The third slice,

The fourth slice,

Like we're sick at that point.

We don't want to see another piece of chocolate cake for days,

For weeks,

Right?

If we're at the best massage in the world,

The first hour feels great,

Right?

The second hour,

The third hour,

The fourth hour,

The fifth hour,

We want to get off the table.

Whatever is pleasurable,

Sense pleasures,

Will eventually turn to pain.

And this is what we spend so much time looking for is the desires,

The personal desires in the sense pleasures,

But also the personal desire to be something,

Right?

And this is where I would say like the doer as being something is having some meaning,

Some purpose,

Something I can add on to myself.

And there too,

It doesn't last.

Even if you get the recognition,

You did something really good and you helped someone and,

Hey,

I mean,

That's great,

Right?

But then the idea that you're like,

I feel so good about myself,

I'm such a good person,

There's so much meaning in my life.

It's again,

From that viewpoint of me being the center of the universe.

And it just fades very quickly,

Right?

It's like,

Well,

Now I need more praise,

I need more adoration,

I need to feel like I'm an even better person.

And so while the actions might look for a while on the outside,

Like we're doing something good,

It doesn't take long before how we're feeling on the inside is just very deflated from the activity,

Where we're feeling very dissatisfied within it.

Like,

Oh,

I keep giving and giving and giving and nothing ever happens,

No one's recognizing me,

No one's being kind to me.

Because again,

We're always kind of looking for something out of it,

Looking for something out of life,

What can I get out of life?

Instead of seeing that life is an activity,

It's a happening,

It's changing,

It's moving,

It's doing,

We're constantly doing,

We're constantly in the activity.

And yet we're trying to get more out of it.

For the belief that there is something fixed and permanent here that could possibly hold on to it.

It's,

As Einstein said,

An optical delusion.

As the Buddha said,

An illusion.

We're not seeing reality.

And it takes,

It takes in my mind,

Not for everyone,

Every now and then someone just kind of gets woken up through this,

Eckhart Tolle,

You know,

It appears for him,

He just got woken up through this,

Through his suffering,

Through his suffering.

But for most of us,

This is a progressive path of investigating,

Taking the teachings,

Seeing for ourselves,

You just,

You're doing the dishes,

You're walking to the car,

You notice it,

Tension,

Oh,

Here's the doer,

Right?

You feel it,

You look for the doer,

Oh my gosh,

I can't find it.

And then you notice how life,

All of a sudden,

The activity that you're doing,

Whatever it is,

No matter how mundane that activity,

Suddenly feels quite okay.

Like,

Oh,

This is fine,

I'm doing the dishes.

This is the activity of what's happening right now,

Right?

We kind of always think like every moment should be about getting some recognition or doing the most meaningful thing in the world.

And I mean,

Life just isn't like that.

But the more that you see,

You know,

Life is filled with mostly mundane moments.

And the more that you're seeing there's no doer in the mundane moments,

You're seeing there's no doer when you're out and about and you're seeing what needs to be done,

Right?

And then again,

Not to add it on,

Like,

Oh my God,

I'm such a good person,

Look at what I did back there.

Just that was the activity of charity in that moment,

That was the activity of helping in that moment,

Of the activity of generosity in that moment.

Like,

Yeah,

No problem,

No problem.

And now it's the activity,

Whatever's next,

Of the driving back home,

Of the taking the dogs for a walk,

Of preparing dinner,

Of getting ready for bed,

That's just,

This is the activity of what's happening now.

Not trying to get anything out of it.

But just,

This is life,

It's just activity.

So Dana,

So you're saying,

Sometimes you think that the experience of life is the purpose.

This seems to align with what you were saying,

My thoughts.

Yeah,

Yeah,

That is what I'm saying.

It's just,

You know,

We want to bring,

I mean,

Is there some greater purpose to all this?

I have no idea.

I have no idea.

I couldn't possibly know what some greater purpose of this might be.

But I know from an individual level,

Because there is an individual here,

An interdependent,

Interconnected,

Impermanent individual here,

There is no,

There appears to be no great meaning other than living.

Just the experience of life,

The experience of doing the dishes,

The experience of maybe doing some art,

The experience of loving another person,

The experience of loving your pets,

The,

You know,

Just the experience of all of us being here together,

Of connecting.

Like,

What more do we want?

Like,

This is,

I,

You know,

I think we do kind of want to put ourselves at the center of the universe.

So there's something so special,

And this is all about me.

But there is nothing solid and independent here.

And yet life is happening.

And so when you let go of trying to put meaning into what's happening,

It's just the activity.

It's just the activity of what you're doing in that moment.

What you're seeing is that there was no meaning that needed,

There was no meaning that needed to be had.

It's just the experience of what you're doing.

Yeah,

And each of us has different interests of different things that we like to do.

And I find the things that we like to do the best,

And the reason,

Like,

We'll say,

Oh,

I love to do that the most,

I love to play music,

Or I love to go surfing,

Or I love to,

You know,

Down here in Mexico,

A lot of us kite surf,

I love to,

You know,

Kite surf,

Right?

And so the reason we'll say like,

I love to do these things,

Is because there is no sense of doer.

There's just the activity of doing.

But we tend to relegate that wonderful feeling of freedom,

Of just the enjoyment of doing,

Into activities that have some certain level of excitement,

Or level of,

Yeah,

Of thrill,

Or of endorphins,

Or something like that.

And I would say extrapolate that out,

Because there is no doer there,

And you love it.

And that is the real reason why we love those things,

Because there's no doer.

And through all of life,

Seeing there is no doer,

And this isn't kind of a theoretical thing to just say,

Well,

Let's just see how it goes,

Pretending there's no doer.

I'm saying,

Question it.

Look for it yourself.

Is there a doer?

See for yourself.

And when you see for yourself that there is no doer,

Because there is nothing in this universe that exists independently and inherently.

Nothing.

When you see that,

And it drops away,

And what remains is activity.

There is just a joy of doing.

There's a joy of doing the dishes,

When you're not feeling that sense that this is so boring,

This is so mundane,

I need to get to something more meaningful,

Or I need to get through the dishes faster.

There's just the pleasantness of doing the dishes,

Of doing a good job of doing the dishes,

Of making the meal,

Of taking the dogs for a walk,

Of whatever it is you're doing,

It's just,

There's no problem in it,

Because that's what you're doing.

And each of us has,

We're all interdependent,

Interconnected,

Impermanent.

And yet,

Through different experiences,

Where we were born,

Our parents,

Our DNA,

Different things we've been exposed to,

Yeah,

That some people have,

You know,

Kind of a,

The activity that's happening are a little bit different,

You know,

Everyone has their own variations on these activities.

And it's like,

Okay,

So this is the expression of it,

Of activity here.

You know,

For all of us here,

We have an interest in freedom,

I would say is our main interest here,

What brought us here.

We're tired of the suffering,

And we're more interested in relieving ourselves of the suffering.

But for whatever reason,

There's certain teachings,

Certain teachers,

Certain traditions that resonate more than others,

For whatever reason,

Buddhism really resonated here.

And so does Advaita Vedanta,

Really kind of taking that last step to the leap to the goal line,

I find that that's continuously always helped to kind of take that last bit.

And for whatever reason,

That's what is kind of,

There's a,

That's where the activity is spent.

Not because I did it,

You know,

No,

No,

No independent,

Separate something here deciding this,

Just those were the conditions.

And that yes,

We all,

You know,

All of us share this here,

Different stages of our understanding,

You know,

Intellectually,

And,

You know,

Really in that place of knowing.

And yet we all have this interest here.

Wonderful,

Wonderful.

This is the activity of what's happening.

Wonderful.

And to just really allow,

To really let this as best you can,

Dana,

To,

You know,

And to everyone here,

Letting all this come in,

In a way that we're not trying to force it,

We're not trying to intellectualize it too much.

Sometimes things are going to just go a little bit over your head.

And,

And that's fine,

Because it happens here too,

I'll be reading something and 99% will make sense.

And I'll be like,

Well,

That went a little over my head.

That's okay.

Because right now it's just,

It's gone.

Okay.

But the next time you go back and read it,

Or the next time you hear it,

Then it might make a little more sense.

Oh,

Okay.

I'm getting it.

So just,

You know,

We kind of think I can do this faster.

I can do this better.

I can,

I can make this happen sooner.

You,

You can't,

Because you're not doing,

You know,

There's no independent doer,

Fixed doer doing this either.

It's just happening.

Right.

And so that you have the conditions that you would want to spend your Sunday morning,

Your Sunday afternoon,

Your Sunday evening,

Here listening to these things,

Like wonderful,

Let them come in,

Do the practices.

I do find the practices help,

You know,

Don't get attached to the practices.

We can,

There's always a shadow side here.

Don't get too attached to the practices,

But do the practices and just allow this to all unfold naturally.

Not that there's going to be some great revelation that you are something so special and,

And all the birds are going to sing and everything's going to be kind of bliss and,

And amazing forever.

Right.

Cause that's not it.

That's the ego's idea of enlightenment,

Of awakening.

And that's not it.

You know,

It's,

It's the seeing there is no personal doer.

It's seeing there is no personal decision maker.

There is no thinker that all of this is just an activity,

A process just happening,

Just happening.

And when you feel the tension coming in any way,

There's some tension coming.

I mean,

Unless there's something really in front of you,

Threatening you,

You know,

You'll react as you need to,

But if you're totally safe,

You're sitting in your living room,

There's nothing going on.

And yet all of a sudden you're kind of,

Oh,

You know,

Something's going on,

You know,

The tension's coming in,

Right.

To question that,

To keep questioning how the,

The separate self,

The ego keeps arising in these different ways,

You know,

The doer,

The warrior,

The scorekeeper,

The comparer,

The judge,

The controller.

I mean,

I,

For whatever reason,

There has been a doing here in teaching,

And many of you know,

I have a lot of these classes up on Insight Timer,

Where I find kind of pulling apart the different roles of,

Of the ego,

The separate self,

The thought created me.

And I'm pointing to the same thing every time I say that,

I'm just trying to give different descriptions that maybe might land somewhere.

Because I think the more that we can really just pull apart the,

You know,

Kind of each one of these roles that it plays,

The more awareness we have for it.

And then we can catch it,

We're more mindful,

We catch it,

Oh,

There it is.

And you got to catch it,

Because you're either lost in it,

Right,

You're either,

You're either lost in it or you're not.

But the moment you can pull yourself out,

It's like,

Phew,

I'm back.

Right?

Again,

This isn't some magical state that we're trying to get to.

It's not a magical state.

But,

And yet,

The propensity and the default and the habit is so strong to believe in the thought created me.

And so we keep investigating it,

We keep looking for it,

So that you keep seeing for yourself,

It's like,

Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz,

She pulled back the curtain on the great Oz,

She thought this,

This great Oz,

This big,

You know,

Magical person that had all these superpowers,

And she sees it's this little old man just pulling all these levers.

Right?

And then she's like,

Oh,

My God,

I completely thought you were something different.

And that's what it is with us.

The challenge with us is that it just kind of pulls itself back up again,

Like we see it,

Oh,

There's a sense of relief,

Then there's activity,

Doing,

No doer,

And it's like,

Wow,

This feels nice.

Don't get attached to that.

Don't get attached,

Because there's this,

I'm going to be like this forever now.

Don't get attached,

Right?

The moment you get attached to it,

You've already started to lose it.

Just,

I think,

With wisdom and compassion,

Like,

Okay,

This is what's arising now.

I didn't do this,

But grateful that mindfulness came in.

And there was a recognizing it and a feeling it and a questioning it.

And then now there's all this spaciousness and openness here.

Wow,

This is nice.

We'll see,

You know,

We'll see.

Now let's see.

Right?

And then later,

It comes back again,

Like,

Oh,

Okay.

Yeah,

I wasn't getting attached to that state.

It's just here it is again.

Okay,

Let me go through the process again.

I recognized it,

Feeling it,

I'm allowing the feelings to be here,

I'm inquiring,

I'm investigating.

Oh,

It wasn't real.

It wasn't real.

And you just keep doing this over and over.

And eventually,

It just becomes greater and greater the time that you don't spend lost in the thought created meekly,

Because you're starting to,

It'll kind of rear up its head in some way.

And you'll just,

Oh,

I see you.

I see what you're doing.

I see it.

Right?

Even you can just be that quick,

I see it.

Maybe a couple little breaths,

Because there was some fear,

Right?

And if it's if it's a big fear,

If it's a big emotion,

If it's a sticky emotion,

For sure,

Make sure you go through every single step.

Don't jump over,

Don't jump over the feeling.

But there's definitely at least what's happening here that there is definitely a lot of it that's just like,

Oh,

Oh,

There it is.

Oh,

Oh,

Yeah,

That's not that's not me.

That's not me.

Right?

No beating myself up,

Because there was a moment lost in it,

Right?

It's not me.

I didn't do that.

You know,

It's just,

It's kind of the momentum of that habit being so strong.

But the more that you question it,

And the more relaxed you are around this whole thing here,

Not getting attached to any of it,

It just naturally starts to fade away.

And you're okay.

It's like,

Ah,

Doing the dishes.

No problem.

Paying the bills.

No problem.

No picking up the dog crap.

No problem,

Right?

Everything you know,

You just see it's like,

Oh,

I don't need to get anything out of this.

I'm not trying to get anywhere.

I'm not trying to get anything out of it.

This,

This life,

This,

This ride of life,

Experiencing the world through our senses,

Seeing,

Hearing,

Feeling,

Tasting,

Smelling,

Right?

There's so much going on here.

And it's like just this is enough.

Don't layer anything else on top of it.

So it just slowly kind of starts to unfold as well.

So just do your best to not be attached.

Notice that as well.

So,

So Dana,

Yes.

Yes.

Back to your original question.

Yeah.

This,

The purpose of life is just to live.

It's activity.

It's just,

This is the activity of life.

Or as you're saying,

Philippa,

As you're,

As Kensei Rinpoche is saying,

The purpose of life is to realize there is no purpose.

Yeah.

So Michelle,

In saying how best to explain personal responsibility to those not on this path,

If they question you,

Don't,

Don't try and explain this.

It's the path that we're on,

The seeing,

The wisdom,

The compassion that comes along with this is for us to see.

If we ever find we're in a situation where we're trying to explain our actions to someone through causes and conditions or why they should forgive someone or why they should let something go,

Then I would say we've kind of,

We're,

We're back to needing them to see something,

Right?

I need you to see something.

I need you to understand this.

And it just never comes across the way that we are hoping that it's going to.

The fact that this resonates with you and that it's helping you to live more,

To be more at ease,

To be more forgiving,

To be more compassionate to yourself and to others,

To feel the joy of activity of doing without needing to add anything on to it.

That is enough.

We're not trying to bring others on the path.

There's no proselytizing in Buddhism.

It's in the moment we start doing it,

It's just never going to come across the way that you're hoping it's going to come across.

It's going to create more resentment.

Now,

Now that's not to say because nothing is black and white.

If someone,

If someone were to say,

But hey,

Michelle,

I really want to have a philosophical debate with you about personal responsibility.

Like,

I really want to talk about this because I want to see how this relates to our judicial system,

To the way that we,

You know,

Sentence people,

Different sentences that we give them.

So I,

I,

I'm trying to understand that better.

Uh,

And then,

Yeah,

If that's kind of what someone wants to have that from a philosophical discussion,

I would say,

Sure,

The way that I would see it is that people are the result of their causes and conditions.

And if someone is brought up in a most,

Most likely if they're brought up in a neighborhood and in a home where there's a lot of poverty,

There's a lot of stress,

Maybe there's a lot of drugs around them,

There's a lot of gang violence around them.

The likelihood of that person becoming a gang member and breaking the law is so incredibly high.

Just as the likelihood of someone growing up in a middle,

Upper middle class neighborhood,

Two parents at home,

They're very involved in the child's life.

The child's got a lot of extracurricular activities that they're doing.

There's a lot of nurturing going on.

It's,

There's a very strong chance that child is not going to end up in the prison system.

I mean,

Right there,

I feel like we can look at this and say,

I mean,

Just looking at those causes and conditions shows us that it's,

It's not that every person that's brought up in poverty goes to crime.

No,

Because some condition came in that maybe it was their DNA that they were particularly intelligent.

They were particularly smart,

Exceptionally smart.

And,

And then maybe a teacher happened to see that.

And out of all the students,

They said,

Wow,

You should really be trying to go to college,

Or you should really,

Let's be doing some extra studying together.

And because of that interest,

That mentor and someone kind of helping guide them,

Right,

They got themselves out of that life.

But it's,

It's not the,

The rule,

It's the exception.

So we tend to look at the exception and then say,

See,

See,

Someone got themselves out of it.

But it's the fact that the majority don't really gives a lot of credibility to this that,

Well,

There must be something to all of these conditions that so many kids end up in,

In gangs,

You know,

Dead early,

You know,

Dying when they're young,

Juvenile detention,

You know,

Prison.

And,

And the one that I refer to so much on this,

And I think Michelle,

I think you've said you've read this book by Father Gregory Boyle,

Tattoos on the Heart.

He's got,

He's actually got a few books out where he was a,

He was a priest in,

In some neighborhood in like South Central LA.

And,

And it was mostly Hispanic gang members.

And he was going to the juvenile detention,

And he was going to the prison,

And he was,

You know,

Doing his best to try and even going out on the streets when there was violence about to happen.

I mean,

He really put himself in some really unbelievable situations.

It's a fantastic book,

I highly recommend it.

And,

And then what he realized what these kids needed,

In fact,

What the majority of them needed was a job.

No one would ever hire them,

Right?

And so he started what he called Homeboy Industries.

And it started with,

I think it started with a cafe.

And this cafe was ex-gang members,

Ex-convicts.

And then he kept branching it out.

He had Homegirl Cafe.

If you go to LAX,

They have a Homeboy Cafe there.

If you,

So Homeboy Industries became this huge thing where they were doing screen printing,

They were doing tattoo removal,

Because one of the kids came to him one day,

And he's like,

They all called him G.

And he's like,

You know,

G is like,

I don't get it.

He's like,

I can't get a job.

And he had this four letter word tattoo across his forehead.

And Father Gregory is kind of looking at that thinking,

Yeah,

I can understand why you didn't get a job at McDonald's.

And so then they started tattoo removal as another service.

And he really,

He saw them as human beings that had the decks stacked against them.

And what they needed was someone that cared about them,

Someone that believed in them,

And they needed a job,

They needed something to do.

And so he did all of this for them.

And he was just,

I mean,

You know,

For me,

That is just the epitome of compassion.

He looked past their actions,

Some of them had done heinous acts.

And there are many people that really don't like Father Gregory Boyle,

Because their relatives were a victim of what some of these crimes were.

And yet he continues to see these often children,

As real human beings that have just been dealt a horrible hand.

And what he's been able to do in transforming the neighborhood,

And in saving so many lives from that,

From either an early death,

Or just endless prison,

Because he cared,

Because he didn't judge the person,

He was able to see the human being,

He had true compassion,

Understanding,

In religious terms,

There but go I for the grace of God.

Right?

There but go I for the grace of causes and conditions.

It could have been me.

And we do tend to think that,

I mean,

You put people in the right conditions,

We are capable of anything,

Under the right conditions.

There was that,

I think it was a Stanford experiment,

That was done either in the 60s or the 70s,

Where it was the psychology department created this kind of mock prison.

And so,

As they always tend to use college students in these experiments,

They got a bunch of college students,

Some were assigned as being prisoners,

And others were assigned as being the prison guards.

And I think after like four or five days,

They had to stop the experiment,

Because they could see the guards,

It was really getting to them in this power and kind of bringing something out in them that was really,

You know,

Aggressive,

And unfeeling,

And just really demoralizing of the students that were assigned being the prisoners,

That you could see that they were really starting to fall apart,

Really starting to feel as though they were just a number,

And they had to end the experiment.

And that experiment is often quoted in reference for us to see,

Like,

There but go I,

For the grace of causes and conditions.

Don't ever think that,

You know,

Another teacher,

And this wasn't too long ago,

I think it was a sociology class,

Where he was talking about what happened in Nazi Germany.

And he was asking all the students,

Raise your hand if you think you would have been part of the resistance,

If you think you would have been one of the ones hiding,

You know,

Jewish people from the Nazis.

And everyone raised their hand.

And he said,

Statistically,

That's not possible.

It's just not possible.

We'd like to think,

In hindsight,

We look back at that and say,

We'd like to think that we would do that.

But you never know the fear that's running through you at that time.

You never know the amount of media that they've,

You know,

Kind of been able to influence your way of thinking,

Right?

There but go I for the grace of causes and conditions.

And so,

Back to your question,

Michelle,

About personal responsibility.

If we're really thinking about how if we're really using the prison system as a way to rehabilitate,

Or actually,

I think we tend to think of it as as a way to protect the public.

We're not protecting the public because people go in there on minor crimes.

And then in those conditions,

They become more hardened criminals.

So when they get out,

They do even more,

You know,

The recidivism rate in the US prison system is incredibly high.

And they just become more and more hardened every time they go in.

So I don't think we're keeping the public safer.

We're definitely not rehabilitating people,

Right?

We're definitely not.

I'm not saying that there's not consequences for actions.

But the way that we go about it is definitely not benefiting society,

And not seeing the reality of nature,

Of human nature.

And I think we could go a long way to understanding that.

And I know in Norway,

Or Sweden,

One of the Nordic countries where they have started to change the way they rehabilitate people,

Prisoners,

And really put them in houses where,

I mean,

It's quite amazing where they don't have,

You know,

Locks on their doors,

Their bedrooms doors,

They all make dinner together,

Everyone kind of participates or does some activity around the house,

They have group therapy meetings,

Individual therapy meetings.

And sure,

It does cost a lot of money to do this.

But I think they're seeing that,

Yeah,

You know,

People are the result of their causes and conditions.

And there will be some people because,

And it's just,

It can be a neurological,

It can be a mutation in your brain,

Right?

And so maybe that's not fixable through therapy.

And maybe it is just,

You know,

Maybe there are a certain number of people that do need to be locked away,

But you would do it in a way that doesn't dehumanize these people.

And I just think our prison system,

I'm grateful for the causes and conditions that I've never been in a prison.

But we've all seen enough of the documentaries and to see like what's going on in there.

And,

You know,

It's very dehumanizing,

Very dehumanizing.

And I think the more that we dehumanize other people,

The more we dehumanize ourselves as well.

It's really unhealthy for our society.

So I hope that answered your question,

Michelle.

I hope that helped.

Yeah,

Robert.

Yeah.

Stay present with the activity that's happening.

You know,

And there's joy in just the activity.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And accepting,

So this is where I would say there's a little bit of nuance in here.

Like we do want to accept what's happening.

Like as an example,

Most of what we're talking about here is the self-created suffering in our minds.

That's not happening.

Except the feelings,

Because the feelings are real.

That's what's happening.

If you're stuck in traffic,

And you're getting all worked up about it,

Right?

It's like,

Okay,

Except the feelings be here,

And then you're accepting the situation,

I'm stuck in traffic.

I can text someone and let them know I'm going to be late,

Or give them a call.

I can do something.

If you're in a situation and someone's being harmed,

What I would say is that yes,

This is the situation that's happening.

But we can act and act appropriately in that situation,

Right,

To help,

If we can help the person,

Or whatever it is that's happening,

If we can offer some help.

So sometimes,

And I'm not saying you were thinking this at all,

Robert,

But sometimes when people hear,

Oh,

We just accept all things,

That doesn't mean that there's not action taking place.

What it means is we're not carrying it around in our mind that shouldn't have been happening,

Because that's what was happening.

And then the activity here was to step in and help.

So Ruth,

You're saying you often feel like you are doing things that you're good at,

And on the flip side,

That you're uncomfortable doing things that you're not very good at.

Yeah,

And of course,

There's a lot of,

I agree a lot with that.

I think we tend to gravitate towards things we're good at.

And yet there's things that we're not very good at that need to be,

That need some doing.

And so just to notice that discomfort,

Right,

Just to notice that so we can slow down a little bit,

We don't have to kind of be beating ourselves up,

You're not good at this,

You're too slow,

Right,

We can notice that and just keep breathing and okay,

Yeah,

This isn't a natural activity.

There's not a natural smoothness in this activity and an easiness per se.

But I don't have to make it any harder by thinking,

Oh,

I need to be better at this,

Right?

There's just,

This is the activity that's happening.

This is the doing that's happening.

It's something new,

It's something there's just not a natural affinity for and so it's like,

Okay,

Yeah,

There's just a little discomfort in it,

That's okay.

Even just in recognizing the discomfort of that,

There can be so much of a,

Oh yeah,

There's just a little discomfort in it,

That's all,

Right?

And then it's okay,

Just moving a little slowly,

Just taking our time with it,

Not rushing ourselves,

Not beating ourselves up,

Right?

So just being aware of that,

I think is very helpful.

So Robert,

Where you're saying not doing something doesn't mean to perform the activity,

It is removing our judgments about how we perform the activity.

Yes,

That we can let go of,

Yes.

It's the seeing,

You know,

The judging of it,

The criticizing of it,

Right?

That's the doer,

Right?

But we can also just see it as the judge,

As the inner critic,

However you want to label it,

Right?

There is though,

As I said,

This personal doership,

There really is such a strong sense of personal doership in wanting to appear in a certain way,

Wanting to appear that I'm doing the right things,

Wanting to,

You know,

And just so much identity associated with that.

You know,

What if they think about me over there,

Oh my god,

This doer,

Oh,

It's going to be,

You know,

The personal doership,

Oh,

I'm going to be seen as something really,

I'm not going to be seen in a positive light any longer,

They're not going to like me any longer.

And so it's seeing the personal doer there.

It's just an appearance of a thought created me that is an illusion,

An optical illusion.

The true freedom is the really just letting go of what others think of you,

Letting go of there's any chance of there's something here,

That's something I could do to get more meaning out of life,

To get more praise,

To get more success,

That it would have any meaning,

Any fulfillment at all.

But we really cling to this sense of a personal doership,

As though somehow we'd fall apart without it.

So just keep checking that,

Keep checking it.

And yeah,

I agree from our earlier conversation,

Robert,

I think our focus should be on rehab and not the punishment.

Yeah.

And Michelle,

I know that you know that book,

Because I know we've talked about that a few times.

Yeah,

Tattoos on the heart.

It's wonderful.

And so from Ruth,

So you're saying we never know what we would do when we are living in deep fear.

Yes,

Yes.

So back to our earlier conversation.

You never know how,

You never know how that layer of fear changes our whole viewpoint of ourselves,

Of the world,

You're like,

We see everything through the lens of fear,

Everyone's suspicious,

Everyone's a threat.

What I say is a potential threat,

Because what if they're misperceiving,

Like everything becomes a threat.

And it's just this layer,

It distorts the way we see everything.

It's not healthy.

And I know you and I had a discussion offline,

Kind of along those lines.

If you are safe,

Even if there's some kind of overarching thing that you need to take care of,

But if you are safe in this moment,

Come in and feel the fear,

Recognize the fear is here.

Feel it,

Allow,

Accept the fear that's here,

The feelings,

The sensations.

Investigate,

Right?

Is this useful?

What I'm thinking about?

Maybe you're just kind of going over again and again and again,

Who is it that's thinking about this?

Who is it that's afraid?

Right?

So to really investigate,

So that you can recognize,

Okay,

I'm okay now.

I'm okay now.

But there are some things to do.

And I don't have to do it from this,

This lens of abject fear when in fact,

There is nothing threatening me here right now at all.

Because often when we're in that state of fear,

And there's nothing happening,

We want to do something.

There's this kind of need to need to do,

I need to do something.

I'm so afraid.

I need to fire off an email to someone.

I need to,

You know,

I need to pack everything up and move.

I need to do something.

There's this kind of like immediate urge to want to act on it.

And often we're acting in ways that can be,

Sometimes it might be the right thing to do,

But it's often can be very irrational in that moment.

And we just want to be able to settle down as best we can and go,

Okay,

We might decide,

You know,

Oh,

You know,

As we had discussed,

Oh,

This is,

You know what,

I'd rather live here than here.

No problem.

Right?

But doing it from a standpoint of saying,

Well,

That makes more sense.

I'm not actually threatened in that place,

But it's no longer aligned with my values.

It doesn't feel good.

So I'd rather live over here.

Because if we're always acting on the fears in our head,

We're never resolving the problem.

We're just continuously acting out of fear.

We want to get to the source of the problem.

So much of the time,

What we're dealing with are kind of the weeds above the ground,

Right?

And trying to get them off,

But we want to get to the source,

Which is the root,

Right?

And the root of all of this,

You know,

All of this in kind of one big wrapper is the belief in a separate,

Independent,

Inherently existing,

Thought-creative me.

All right,

That's it.

And all the little ways that it keeps tricking us,

The worrier,

The victim,

The doer,

The decision maker,

The perpetual planner,

The controller,

The scorekeeper,

The judge,

The comparer,

Like all of these different ways.

But again,

All of these ways as well,

Too.

It's really about,

You know,

I want something to feel more complete,

Or I need to push away something in order to feel more complete.

But the reason we don't feel complete in the first place is because we have separated ourselves into two,

Into the thought-created me.

That's what creates this existential angst inside of us.

I've separated myself into two,

And now I feel I'm lacking in some way.

I need something,

Or I need to push away something.

And so that's what we're trying to see,

So that we can come back into,

Oh,

Phew,

I was never separate at all.

I just thought I was.

And that's where all this was coming from.

So what we're doing here each week,

I mean,

I'm endlessly,

Endlessly talking about the separate self,

The thought-created me,

Because I see it as the source of all of our problems.

And it's an illusion.

It doesn't mean that we don't have things that need to be done in the world,

But we see,

We kind of frame everything about me.

Everything's self-centered.

Our view is very self-centered,

All about me.

And it leaves us in this constant state of,

Oh,

What can I get?

What can I push away?

It's very dissatisfying,

It's very,

It creates a lot of mental anxiety,

A lot of fear,

A lot of misunderstanding and relationships.

And we end up missing our entire lives,

Because we give all of our attention to the thought-created me.

So really,

I mean,

Every week,

Am I not talking about kind of the same thing,

Maybe shining a spotlight on a particular aspect,

Something for us to pay a little bit more attention to.

But it's the same thing.

It's not like there's some kind of reinvention of this,

It's just the same thing I just keep trying to point out to us.

Because we do need to hear this again and again.

The default of the thought-created me,

Of the me as the center of the universe is just so deeply ingrained in us,

It's so deeply programmed into us.

It's been happening for so long.

It's been,

It's not just in our own lives,

But our ancestors,

You know,

In the last several thousand years,

At least.

I don't think it started this way,

But I think it's definitely gotten worse through,

You know,

When we started owning land,

When we started owning other people,

When people started becoming our property,

Even if it was just our spouse or our children.

And,

You know,

It kind of just unleashed this kind of supersized ego.

Because there is,

To some degree,

A referencing of ourselves that can be very helpful,

Right?

And I think very stabilizing in some ways,

As long as you're recognizing that's not me,

It's just,

It's an ever-changing even representation of me.

So don't get attached to that.

So,

So this is where these practices,

They're just so helpful to help us keep seeing what it is,

Where all this suffering is coming from.

You're very welcome,

Ruth.

And thank you so much for the donation.

Thank you.

So Janine,

Good to see you.

Good morning.

Oh,

In Australia,

They're doing,

Well,

You're in Tasmania,

I think,

Is that right?

Implemented a crackdown on crime and imprisoning youth.

And it is very dehumanizing.

Yeah,

I mean,

There's in the States,

A bit of a crackdown happening too.

Yeah.

I was,

I mean,

I think a lot of the politicians that are making policies,

So much of it is ginned up by fear.

A lot of fear.

Not,

They're not solving any problems,

They're not solving any problems.

And one of the problems in the US,

At least,

Is there's a lot,

I don't know if this is the case in Australia,

But there are a good number of the prisons are for profit,

Publicly traded companies that own these prisons.

And so,

And they have a lobby that lobbies senators and congressmen.

And so,

For sure,

There's an influence there on how,

You know,

You can lock more people up.

A lot of money to be made in that too.

A lot of,

So there's a lot of greed in there.

Yeah,

So I think,

Robert,

We're so in sync.

Yeah,

Our justice system is behaving in a political manner,

And not about what is really best for the person or who did the crime or what is best for society.

Yeah.

Yeah,

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Politicians,

The justice system,

A lot of fear and desire,

Motivating actions.

So,

Dana,

So you're asking,

What about values?

If you're not the doer,

Then how is it that you can make decisions that align with your values?

E.

G.

,

I need to act according to my values.

How is this not another form of acting out of fear,

Or similar?

So,

So values,

I don't think anyone's valuing fear.

Typically,

In when I'm looking at values,

Or if I'm talking with someone about values,

We're trying to get clear on what things are important to us.

It might be kindness,

It might be honesty,

It might be spirituality,

It might be generosity,

Charity,

You know,

Kind of going through the things that it's like,

Yeah,

These are the things that kind of feel good.

These are the things that align.

Now,

There can be a knowing of this,

Like we haven't lost our brain over any of this.

And so,

Decisioning happens.

Like we say,

I make a decision,

That's me as an independent self making a decision.

There's never an independent me making a decision.

Decisioning happening,

Decision processing happening,

Kind of a lot of it,

Most of it happening at a subconscious level.

But some of it at a conscious level where we're trying to,

You know,

What are the pros on that?

What are the cons on that?

Does that align with my values?

Am I causing some harm?

Right?

And the more that we can recognize that there is no decision maker,

The less stress and fear we put on I've got to make the right decision.

This has got to align with my values,

Because the moment we start grasping as the decision maker,

Because there is no decision maker here.

So when I say that,

What I mean,

There is no independent,

Inherently existing Dana,

Making a decision.

That any decisioning that's happening,

Brain processing happening,

Takes into consideration all of your past experiences,

All of your future modeling,

How you are feeling in that particular moment,

What's happening in your biology,

In your hormones,

Whether you're hungry or not,

All of these things kind of coming into kind of all of these millions of difference of things,

Kind of conditions coming in.

And then all of a sudden a decision pops out.

Why?

It pops out one way versus another.

You know,

It's like it just all of a sudden just,

Oh,

There it is.

Okay.

And it's like,

Yep,

That's what I want to do.

Now,

If there is fear in our decision making process,

That,

Of course,

Is another condition and generally does not align with our values,

Where we tend to start acting in ways that can be quite deceitful,

Or it's like we got started to get greedy.

We want something.

Oh,

Maybe they won't notice I took the extra piece of chocolate cake.

You know,

I would say that it starts influencing our decisioning in a way that is not aligned with our values.

And the more that we recognize there is no decision,

Sorry,

Decisioning is happening,

Brain processing happening,

Past experiences,

Past memories,

Beliefs,

All part of the processing of this.

But no one that is outside of this causal conditioned world making a decision.

It's all just coming together and then all of a sudden you go one direction or another.

And so,

Yes,

You know,

As you're decisioning about something,

And you're not stressing about it,

I need to make the right decision.

It needs to be the perfect decision because whatever decision happens at that moment,

It's kind of like you go out to a restaurant and you're trying to decide between two dishes.

Maybe you're trying to decide between the salad and the pasta or the pizza.

And often we'll do this.

We kind of maybe decide from the healthy option or the unhealthy option.

And then the waiter comes over and all of a sudden we're like,

Oh,

Ask everyone else first.

We're still trying to decide.

We're trying to decide what do I want,

What do I want?

The stress of the situation more often than not pushes us towards the unhealthy option because that's what it tends to do,

Right?

Now I'm stressed.

I've lost my prefrontal cortex if I'm stressed.

And now I just want the immediate relief of something that's going to give me a short-term pleasure.

So now I want the french fries,

I want the pizza,

I want the chocolate cake.

But the more that we can recognize even just you're sitting there making the decision,

You know,

The decisioning happening.

And even that recognizing like I can see what's happening here,

I can see it's kind of speeding there.

And sometimes then the mindfulness comes in and says,

I'm not going to feel any better for having the pizza versus the salad.

And you just order the salad because you actually feel better from ordering the salad.

Or if there was some kind of decision that had to be made about and then what the conclusion came to because it wasn't anchored in fear,

It wasn't through the lens of fear,

Right?

Sometimes the decisioning that comes out then you're like,

Yeah,

I got to do the harder thing right now.

It's the right thing.

But if I'm in fear,

I don't want to do the harder thing.

I want to do the easy thing.

I want to get out of this really quickly.

So yes,

Michelle,

Like you're saying,

Yeah,

Wisdom and compassion,

That's what's guiding you.

You're either grasping at desire and fear,

Right?

Grasping at desire,

Kind of pushing away the fear,

Right?

That coloring your lens.

But when that falls away and you feel the grasping and you notice it,

And you realize,

Oh,

That's part of the… that's some of the conditioning right now for what's happening in this decisioning process.

You recognize it and you feel it and you breathe into it.

Oh,

Phew.

Wow.

Who was afraid?

Oh,

I can't find it.

Was that useful?

That line of thinking,

Was it helpful?

No,

It was creating more fear.

Was it true?

No,

I'm not being threatened in any way.

Just need to make a decision.

Phew.

Okay.

Right.

So then there's a sense of kind of release.

And in the grasping,

Falling away,

The worrier,

The victim,

The doer,

The judger,

The comparer,

All the ways that it expresses itself.

Wisdom and compassion is in its place.

And you're naturally more aligned with your values.

You're naturally more aligned with not causing harm.

But it's trusting that.

We trust the fear.

We trust the grasping.

Oh,

I need this.

We trust our personal desires more.

They've never brought us what we want.

Never.

I mean,

You have a moment,

A moment's relief because the grasping went away.

And then it's just right back again.

I mean,

If the thought created me was your financial advisor giving you stock picks,

You would have stopped calling them a long time ago.

I'm getting really bad advice here.

Now,

Every now and then,

Every now and then,

Just as again,

Thinking not bad,

Every now and then there's something useful in there.

But it gets so crowded out by everything being fearful and a panic and a desiring thought.

Often we're not paying attention to the thing we probably do need to be paying attention to.

And yeah,

Emily,

Just yeah,

Like immigration,

You must be in the U.

S.

Are you in the U.

S.

?

Doesn't say.

Yeah,

How we're viewing immigration right now in the U.

S.

You know,

Very,

No compassion that these are real human people,

Human beings.

We don't seem,

I mean,

Unfortunately with politicians and policy,

And there's so many forces,

Again,

The raising of money,

The lobbying,

There's so much influence.

Even someone that comes in maybe with good intentions to start,

Just that whole machine of it,

For most of them,

You know,

It seems to,

It seems that they started with good intentions,

And then they just kind of get caught up in the machine.

And it's a shame.

I mean,

I've said this before,

I think one of the conditions for having to even run for office is that you have to have so many years of compassion practice first,

Because I think you can see things more reasonably.

It doesn't turn you into a lightweight,

It doesn't turn you into a doormat.

Compassion can be very fierce,

Right?

Compassion,

Or the heart,

You know,

Can be very fierce when needed,

Right?

When it's the right thing to do.

You know,

So I would suggest that that would be a wonderful condition.

It will most likely never happen,

Or not in my lifetime,

But you can definitely see there's very little,

Actually,

There's no wisdom or compassion in our policies.

So Nicola,

You're saying even if someone says something negative,

It takes power to say nothing,

To let it go,

And send the person love and compassion.

What I would say is it takes compassion to do that.

It takes a true understanding of compassion,

A true understanding.

Everyone is the result of their causes and conditions.

I mean,

We have kind of where we come to compassion practices,

And practices like Tonglen that I talk about all the time,

Because I love that practice,

Where we're meeting someone's pain and suffering,

And we're able to be with their pain and suffering,

And to not be overwhelmed by the pain and suffering,

And to not take it with us as our own.

It's just to be able to meet what's happening in that moment.

But the wisdom of compassion is understanding even the person that said something unkind,

They're suffering.

There's no chance they're not suffering.

No one says,

No one,

I mean,

You're not harming another person because you're not suffering.

And I'm not saying sometimes there's collateral damage,

Sometimes there's,

I mean,

It's almost impossible to go through life without ever harming someone.

But when someone's saying something negative,

They're hurting.

And what I would say when I see that is maybe recognize the judging,

Recognize the kind of the aversion that's coming up,

Breathe,

Feel it,

Let that grasping fall away so that wisdom and compassion can arise,

And to recognize they're hurting,

They're suffering,

They're suffering.

And at the very least,

At the very least,

Yeah,

Not say something,

And then maybe just go a little bit further,

And I won't judge them.

They don't need my judgment right now.

But maybe it's,

You don't want to be around that person for a while.

Maybe later you feel sometimes there's a lot of just letting these things go.

A lot of it is just letting it go,

Trying to let wisdom and compassion guide us to know like sometimes there needs a response,

Right?

But probably not in that moment,

Maybe a little bit later,

To be able to say to that person,

Hey,

I don't know if you realized when you said that,

But that was very hurtful.

And when you say things like that,

It really pushes me away from you.

And I just wanted you to know that.

So,

You know,

Sometimes we're responding,

Usually not right away,

Because I just think there's such a sense of grasping in that moment,

And puts them on the defensive.

Sometimes just saying nothing at all,

Gives them a little bit of time to go,

Oh,

Okay,

Yeah,

Maybe,

You know,

Gives them a moment to reflect and go,

You know,

I didn't mean it that way,

I'm sorry,

Gives them a moment.

So we're not doing it to say like,

Oh,

I'll stick it to them by not responding,

But just to pause,

Like,

Wow,

I need to collect myself for a moment.

But it does often,

It gives them a moment to realize what they're doing,

Too.

Too often,

People are just acting out of their egos,

Desire and fear,

And so much suffering in there.

And then we're just colliding with other people.

And it feels so personal when it's happening to us,

When we have a collision with someone,

And they were rude to us,

And said something unkind to us,

They criticized us in a way that wasn't constructive.

And it feels so personal,

Like,

Oh,

You know,

Why did they say that to me?

But this is happening all over the world right now,

Millions of people are being criticized,

Or having someone say something unkind,

Because there's so much suffering in the world,

There's so much suffering,

So much.

I mean,

There's genuine suffering,

War,

And famine,

And dictatorships,

And just,

You know,

There's a lot of that,

There is a lot of that,

But there's so much thought created suffering.

And this is where we're just,

We kind of,

We come across someone,

Their conditions are their suffering.

And,

And it's not personal,

But it feels so personal.

It's just those were the conditions that were coming together.

And then that person,

You know,

They say something.

But then instead of saying something back,

And then we're irritated,

And then we keep going on,

And you know,

It keeps going on and on and on,

It stops somewhere.

We pause.

We breathe and we feel.

Yeah.

Okay.

Nothing to say right now,

Maybe I'll say something later,

Maybe there's nothing to do at all.

Right?

And then wisdom and compassion guiding us.

Right?

But there is a lot of suffering in the world.

So I hope that helped,

Nicole,

It sounds like you're agreeing.

And I do have one course on Insight Timer,

And it is a setting boundaries with an open heart course.

Because I think that setting boundaries with an open heart,

Right,

Is so important.

I think one of the first things to go when we're not setting boundaries is our own peace of mind.

Right?

That we need to be very clear on what's important,

How we want to engage in the world,

What our values are,

I have that as part of the course.

You know,

Just kind bringing more awareness to bring a little bit more intention into what it is,

How we want to live our lives,

What we're,

You know,

What's important to us,

Not meaning that it's always going to go 100% like that.

But a lot of the time for many of us,

We do probably have a lot more and flexibility in that than other people.

And so,

Yeah,

What you know,

What you can be clear about,

What you can be clear about,

It's much easier to set boundaries around that,

To live a life that's true to you,

To live a life that's true to you.

You know,

The more busy we get,

The more we feel we've got to accept every invitation or,

You know,

Just,

Yeah,

Feel like we can't say no to things,

Right?

The more overwhelmed we get,

And it does make this work harder.

I will say that if you're always running from one thing to the next,

It does make this work a lot harder.

So the more that we can be clear about what's important to us,

How we want to engage in the world,

Again,

Not getting attached to it,

And not,

Because even in the course,

I have a place where,

Okay,

Where would you break a boundary?

Like,

Let's be clear,

You're going to sometimes.

What are those conditions?

And even that,

When we're intentional about that,

Still,

There's going to be something where it's like,

Oh,

I hadn't thought of that.

So we don't want to get attached to them.

We're not trying to put ourselves into a box.

But we are trying to,

I think sometimes we just get,

You know,

The kind of the waves of the world just kind of move around,

And we just start kind of,

Not based on wisdom and compassion,

But usually based on desire and fear,

Or I don't want to miss out on what will they think of me if I say no,

Or what will they,

You know,

A lot of it's what will they think of me?

So a lot of it based out of fear,

Instead of just being like,

Wow,

What is it that I want?

You know,

And okay,

If that's what I want,

And what I want,

Like,

When I asked the question in the meditation,

Not to make it something that's dependent upon the external world.

But I think just as a good pointer,

Peace,

Contentment,

Connection,

Satisfaction,

I think that's what we're genuinely wanting,

Is that sense of being okay in this moment,

Of being okay with who we are,

Of total acceptance of who we are,

Doesn't mean we don't have to apologize or remorse something,

But this,

You know,

Really this understanding of the nature of reality of how we are arising in each moment,

Changing,

Interdependent,

Interconnected,

And that this is how the whole world is.

And so there's so much letting go,

It doesn't mean that there's not acting happening,

That there's not doing happening,

But there's so much letting go,

So much letting go.

And then when the activity,

Like whatever needs to happen,

It's happening.

And without this heavy burden,

Right,

Of,

Oh,

But I need something else.

It's like,

Yeah,

It's just this moment.

It's just this moment.

Oh,

Thank you,

Maggie.

So with that,

I think we will bring our Sunday Sangha to an end.

Yeah,

So just a little bit more attention this week on the doer,

Really try to,

You know,

Kind of notice the,

Oh,

The doer,

And then just keep investigating,

Bring mindfulness,

Bring compassion.

And then just,

It's just doing,

It's just activity,

And just finding the joy in what it is that you're doing,

And what it is that you're doing now.

So,

Oh,

Thank you,

Randolph.

Thank you,

Robert.

Yeah,

And they're just,

They're reminders,

Right?

They're reminders.

Interestingly enough,

The word mindfulness,

The Pali word for mindfulness,

Which was the Buddhist,

The language that the Buddhist of his time,

I guess,

Is sati,

S-A-T-I.

And one of the definitions is remember,

Remember.

So,

You know,

Mindfulness,

One of the things here is just to remember.

And so,

Yeah,

These are reminders,

Right?

Randolph,

It's just to remind us all,

To remind us all,

I hear my own words,

Right?

So the remembering is happening here as well.

So I thank you for that,

Because the teaching here is really for my own practice and path as well.

So,

Yeah,

So I thank you.

I thank you for all of your great insights,

And for everyone's support,

And your interest in this.

So thank you.

And thank you,

Janine.

Thank you.

So thank you all.

Have a wonderful Sunday.

And I will,

So this recording will go up on my tracks.

And just have a wonderful rest of your Sunday.

Thank you.

Thanks,

You guys.