Overcome The Biggest Challenge To Thriving In Mid Life

Midlife is shifting and changing just like the rest of the world around us.

All the old systems are crumbling that were built and born of domination.

Built and born by the ego's domination,

Which is that chauvinistic standard that has elevated masculine energy and denigrated the feminine for the thousands and thousands of years,

That's starting to shift and find balance,

Where it's not then going to be a world of let's elevate the feminine and demigrate the masculine.

That doesn't solve.

It's the same problem,

But rather instead of it being either or,

How about together?

I wonder what a world would look like when we value both our masculine and feminine consciousness energy.

What does that mean?

To celebrate and to honor and to value equally your creativity,

Feminine,

As well as productivity,

Which is masculine.

Your willpower,

Masculine,

And your imagination,

Feminine.

To value both your thinking,

Masculine,

And your feelings,

Feminine.

When they come together in harmony,

They create a synergy that works.

But we've lived in a world that has been taught and conditioned to separate,

To judge one is better than the other one is less than,

To divide things up.

There's good emotions and bad emotions.

Avoid the bad emotions and only go for the good emotions.

No,

There's just emotion.

And some of those emotions expand.

Love,

Joy,

Peace,

Happiness,

And some of those emotions constrict and tighten.

Guilt,

Shame,

Fear.

They're not bad or good.

They're expansive or constricting.

When they're constricting,

They're trying to tighten and grab your attention.

They feel uncomfortable because they want to get your attention,

Say something's got to change here.

You better slow down.

You're going too fast.

And yet we judge it as a good and bad and right and wrong and positive and negative.

And that's what I'm talking about.

The shift in the world from this singular authority into a community of connection,

Of working together with your soul,

Your higher self,

Working together with other people in your community,

Breaking out of that fierce,

Stubborn independence that so many people adhere to.

And it's going to be important as we talk today specifically on how to thrive during midlife and beyond,

Is to realize,

Yes,

It's important to be independent,

But it can also be a trap.

And let's dive into this idea,

This terminology called midlife,

Actually began in 1818.

It's an English term and it wasn't very popular until the 1960s.

In the 1960s,

Midlife started to take on more meaning in our pop culture in the United States and around the world.

Midlife,

What it really is,

Is it's a bridge.

It is a bridge of transition from your adult years into your elder years.

Just like adolescence is the bridge between your childhood and your adulthood.

Adolescence is a transition.

Your body's changing.

It's morphing.

Hormones are kicking in.

You're starting to grow taller.

You're starting to grow hair.

And that's something that throws a lot of people into chaos.

In so many ways,

Midlife is a similar transition where you are shifting and changing on a fundamental level,

But more so internally than externally.

I guess there are physical things that your body's going to change.

Your hormones,

For instance,

Estrogen or testosterone,

Is going to wane some and that won't be such a driving energy or force in your life.

It's going to maybe find balance or it'll deplete somewhat that you might need some form of support.

But my point being is it's a transitional state,

An in-between,

And it's a time that is ripe for empowered change.

When you begin to observe yourself,

Because you have history now.

When you're adolescence,

You didn't have much history.

You had your childhood and everything was outside of you.

It was your family and your friends and your neighbors.

That's what you focused on more,

Is at that time,

Competing and comparing yourself to those around you.

We can't continue to do that and live a productive life,

Especially during midlife.

That's an opportunity for self-observation.

You now have a track record,

A track history of things you've experienced.

You can look at your life with depth and meaning and start to understand who you truly are.

Self-observation shifts and you go deeper to discover your authenticity during the midlife.

That's one of the purposes for it.

It's not the end.

It would be like saying I'm giving up on myself at halftime at a football game.

You're only half there and regardless of your age,

Midlife is expanding because of technology,

Because of health care.

What used to be midlife was 30 to 35 and then it moved as we evolved as a collective group of human beings.

We discovered washing your hands before performing surgery might be beneficial and it continued to expand the midlife.

Where most people think 40-45 was midlife,

Now it's closer to 60.

With what they're able to do with technology,

If you're able to maintain good health in your body,

You may be able to extend your life for another 20-30 years than you ever thought possible.

The average age of those who die in the younger generation,

Born in the last 15 years,

Is going to be 100.

It's going to be the average age according to studies.

It makes sense because we've slowly been climbing in that direction,

But it's going to be more exponential.

Even if you're in midlife,

You may not be as far into it or beyond it.

Oh,

I'm on the other side of it.

Maybe not.

Give yourself that break.

And a big part of what our talk about today is to shake loose of the labels,

The roles,

Who you had to be and become in the past to be safe,

To be secure,

And to finally dive deep into your authenticity.

To be able to know thyself that is genuine,

A real self,

Not a performance,

Not a label,

Because midlife crisis is a crisis of identity.

It is a crisis of identity,

And the answer to this crisis of identity is to know thyself,

To know yourself.

That's the antidote.

So I want to talk about this because unfortunately we live in a world that values younger people,

That values people who are productive,

Who can maintain work and can be productive and be useful in society.

And then anyone who moves beyond that,

Especially into retirement,

Is cast aside.

And that's a shame in our culture,

Especially here in America,

That still happens.

But it doesn't have to happen for you.

You don't have to buy into that consensus game board.

You can step out of that game board and create a thriving existence in your midlife and beyond.

Let's talk about a crisis of identity.

How did you get to know yourself?

As a little infant child,

You started to identify yourself by what you have.

I have a mommy,

I have a daddy.

I only have a mommy,

I don't have a daddy.

I have two sisters,

I have a brother,

I have a house,

And I have my own bedroom,

And I have my toys,

And everything is who I am is what I have.

That's obviously a very immature identity,

But it's a part of your development.

As an infant child,

You identify yourself by what you have.

And then you start school,

And you start getting into roles,

And you start to identify with your education level.

You identify with your education roles.

Oh,

I'm a high school cheerleader,

Right?

I'm a kindergartner.

I'm a third grader.

I'm a fifth grader who's played in the band.

But it's expanding into more of an academic role,

From what you have to,

To some degree,

Your educational level of identity.

I'm still underage.

I'm still a minor.

I identify with that.

And that's important.

Again,

This is the stages of development.

Then as you grow,

And as you mature,

You become a grown-up.

And then once you shift your identity,

It's what I do for work.

Okay,

What I have is important,

But that doesn't define me as much.

My education roles,

Oh yeah,

People cling to that.

I have five PhDs in graduate schools,

And that's who I am.

See how smart I am.

That's your education.

That's a part of your journey,

Absolutely.

But you're so much more than any of this.

That's what this time of transition,

Called midlife,

Gives you an opportunity to explore your genuine,

Authentic self.

So what do you do for work?

You start to identify,

Well,

I'm a lawyer.

I'm a doctor.

I'm a therapist.

And that's where the identity and the crisis begins.

Because when you put all of your self-esteem and value from what you have and what you do into this illusion,

And then you wake up in the middle of life,

And you realize,

Okay,

I can't keep doing what I've always done.

And actually,

I have less things now.

I've gotten rid of things.

I've downsized.

Or you could still have a lot of stuff.

It wouldn't matter.

But it won't mean anything to you.

It'll be meaningless stuff.

That's called the trappings of success.

Oh,

I thought when I was 20,

30,

I had the big house and the big car and have five boats and have 12 cars and have those people who come to midlife have done everything,

Followed all those rules of what will make them happy.

And they still feel something's missing.

They still feel an emptiness because you're not what you have or what you do.

Those are part of it.

But the time of midlife is when people often have an awakening,

Where they start,

Their soul starts to say,

Okay,

It's time now.

They've got enough experience,

Enough living life.

It's time now for them to remember who they are.

And unfortunately,

The soul tries to reach out even during the midlife to help you to become who you've always been destined to be.

Beyond the labels,

Beyond the roles,

Beyond the things you have and what you do in life,

Who you are.

So you shift from what I have to what I do to who I am,

Who I've always been beneath all those roles and behind those labels.

I've been protecting this vulnerable part of me,

My spiritual being,

My spiritual being,

Absolutely.

But the unique expression of the divine that you are and have always been.

And that's when the midlife opens you up to an opportunity,

An opportunity for greater success and personal fulfillment in your life.

Where you're no longer auditioning for people's value and support or that job interview,

No longer auditioning for their love and their approval and their acceptance,

Where you have begun to more fully accept yourself.

Not that you're perfect,

But that you are unique.

That's a level that can shift the midlife crisis.

The crisis comes when you don't know who you are and you feel very lost.

You feel a sense of dread when you have over-identified for 30,

40,

50 years with what you have and what you do and your degrees on the wall and all that stuff is important.

I'm not saying it's not valuable,

But I'm saying it's not enough to create lasting fulfillment and success within yourself.

To feel that you matter.

If I get all those things,

To get approval,

To get the praise,

To know that I matter,

That people,

That I'm useful,

And in the midlife,

I realize,

Okay,

I'm not gonna be able to work at this job forever.

Then not only am I losing my job,

I'm losing my self-esteem.

I'm losing my value and worth because I've attached it to what I have and what I do.

If I can't do that,

I'm not valuable.

And that's sad.

When people go into mediocrity and just give up on their futures,

Not realizing that there's lots of other options and choices,

That you can turn what could be a midlife crisis into a midlife opportunity,

An opportunity for exceptional change,

Where you deepen and find personal peace,

Knowing that you're valuable.

Not having to audition anymore,

But just holding the presence of your wisdom that you've earned through all the experiences in your past.

Turning and looking at midlife is an opportunity to get real,

To be more authentic,

And to discover who you've always been,

But now to align and to fully embrace the truth of who you are.

That's the challenge.

You're not going to do it in a weekend.

It's a continual process because you are an eternal being.

You're always growing and evolving.

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Until next time,

May your journey in life continue to reveal the beautiful truth of who you are,

And who you are as a powerful and majestic spiritual being.