The Philosophy, Psychology & Spirituality Of Success Ep 3

Hi Arjun,

Good morning again.

Great morning.

Excellent to have you.

Thank you so much for joining us again for the third episode of our series of Philosophy,

Psychology and Spirituality of Success.

So last week we talked about beliefs,

Belief systems,

And you were discussing the three concentric circles that make up the core belief systems that we hold.

The smallest and most innermost one being around worthiness.

Maybe you can mention the other two as well so our listeners can kind of make the link from the previous discussion.

So the outer one being it's possible versus it's not possible.

The one in the middle,

The circle in the middle says I'm capable versus I'm incapable and innermost is I'm worthy versus I'm not worthy aka I'm deserving versus I'm not deserving.

So I'm very curious to know more about that inner circle because from what we discussed last week,

You mentioned that this is where most of our work has to be for us to start effecting sustainable long-term change.

And you gave us some tips and tools on how to start tackling that innermost circle,

That innermost belief.

Is there anything else,

Are there any other tools,

Any other ways that we can explore to start working on that sense of,

To build that sense of I'm worthy,

That belief that I'm worthy,

I am deserving.

Because just thinking about it aloud,

I am worthy,

I'm deserving,

It's almost like a ripple effect.

If I have the belief that I'm worthy and I'm deserving,

Then anything that I do or anything that happens to me in inverted commas because nothing actually happens to us,

We are the co-creators of what comes to us,

The way that we will deal with that situation will be completely different based from where we're coming from.

I'm worthy versus I'm not worthy.

What are some of the other tools that we can start thinking about?

Great,

This is really fantastic and this is at the core of the doing,

The actual action steps in order to further fortify a healthy belief in self,

A healthy self worth.

And let's look at different parts,

We'll just see,

I've got a number of ideas right now,

So I will just kind of go through one by one and the first place where you can immediately start affecting your beliefs is via your body,

Your physiology.

My mentor Basil taught me many years ago,

He said,

Don't trust your emotions if you're not in motion.

So don't trust your emotions if you're not in motion.

And pretty much every single time that you do feel a disempowering,

Unresourceful emotion,

Either anger,

Irritation,

Frustration,

Guilt,

Depression,

Sadness,

Envy,

Jealousy,

Overwhelmment,

Etc.

And you want to break out of that state into a more empowering state.

One of the great ways to do it is to go for a run and or stretch and or engage in breathing exercises,

There are some amazing breathing exercises in yoga.

I will also inspire our listeners to explore a breathing technique called the Wim Hof breathing technique,

W-I-M-H-O-F,

A superb video on YouTube that you can just do it in a handful of minutes and completely changes your physiology.

The moment you start moving your body,

Your pituitary gland now starts to secrete endorphins and the moment endorphins enter your bloodstream,

There's a biochemical change that biochemical change now leads to a feeling of power,

A feeling of empowerment.

You're just feeling stronger,

Better about yourself and about the rest of the day.

And that's a great way to kind of move from a lower polarity emotion to a higher polarity emotion,

Your physiology.

And it's good to discover the kind of body type you have and what kind of exercises work best for you.

Is it a sport?

Is it swimming?

Is it aerobic?

Is it anaerobic?

Is it weight training?

Is it stretching?

Is it breathing?

Or is it a combination of different things?

That's a discovery and that's a great area for you and me to get curious about so that we can do the thing that works for us.

Okay,

So sometimes even just a short brisk walk does it,

That can create magic itself.

So that's your physiology.

The second way to do it would be to read a book that is empowering.

I'm currently reading a book by Dr.

Joseph Murphy titled The Power of the Subconscious Mind.

And it's interesting that I missed that book in and among the many books that I have read in the field of psychology and subconscious.

That when I wake up in the morning and I spend some time deliberately reading a minimum of 10 pages before I start my day,

Which is a standard that I have set for myself.

I do not insist that you set the standard for yourself.

You could do half a page,

A paragraph or 30 pages,

Doesn't really matter.

But just do it,

Read.

When you're reading a book,

You're actually tuning into the thoughts of the author.

And the author is a highly evolved soul who has put this information out from a state of inspiration and when you are in a place of desperation,

You now want to mirror inspiration so that you come out of that state.

So read something really positive.

One more thing I need to say about physiology is your nutrition and the habits around nutrition.

The kind of foods you eat,

Particularly cognizance around the amount of sugar that you consume.

Anyways,

That's another discussion for another time.

Let's come back to the book reading which is your psychology or affecting your psychology.

And the other way to do it is to listen to an audio.

I have a friend of mine who is more auditory than visual and she prefers audio books to physical books and that works too because now you're still getting that information into your body.

So just like when you feed your body with,

You know,

In the computer terminology,

Geego,

Garbage in,

Garbage out,

You feed your body with garbage,

You know,

Everything is going to be,

You know,

Your hair is going to be falling off,

You're going to look old,

Your skin is going to sag and your body is just not going to perform at the level that you'd like it to.

And that's how the brain is.

The food for the brain is the books that we read,

The audios that we listen to,

The seminars that we attend.

This brings us to the third area which is the people that you associate with.

The company that you keep,

The shoulders that you rub.

Whether we like it or not,

We are affected by the people who we spend time with because we're listening to them and their thoughts,

Their means and their beliefs are affecting us and that just is the case.

There's a gentleman by the name of Les Brown who's a very prolific motivational speaker and he says,

OQP,

OQP,

Only quality people,

Only quality people.

And if that feels like too much of an extreme for you,

If that's just white,

Then how about you just pick a shade of grey and you could say MQP,

MQP,

Mostly quality people.

Valid too,

It doesn't matter.

I'd rather you do something than nothing.

I do not want to set a standard here that you think is so high that you cannot achieve it and you say,

Oh this is something that I cannot do.

No,

Do bits and pieces,

Start small.

So your physiology which is your body and what you feed your body with,

Your psychology,

What you feed your mind with and the company that you keep.

Many years ago,

About 40 maybe 50 years ago,

Stand up comedian,

Motivational speaker by the name of Charlie Tremendous Jones said,

He said,

Five years from now you will be a product,

Five years from now you will be a product of the books you read,

The audios you listen to and all the videos you watch and number three,

The people who you associate with.

Wise words by a very wise man over five decades ago and that is so true even today.

And I want to add something else to this,

So maybe two more points.

So we've spoken about the body,

We've spoken about the mind,

We've spoken about the people we associate with.

The fourth area is an extension of the third area which is a mentor or a model and there are other people out there who have achieved what you want to achieve,

Who have done what you want to do,

Who have become what you want to become and you can find those people with effortless ease by just getting onto your computer.

And sometimes you might look at one person and say,

You know,

I like this aspect of this person but I don't like every aspect and you go to the second person and you say,

Well I like these aspects and it's okay to not follow just one person,

Don't have just one mentor,

Have a number of mentors or models who you follow.

So I follow Brian Tracy,

Tony Robbins,

Deepak Chopra,

Wayne Dyer,

Joe Dispenza,

To name a few and a whole bunch of others.

And I've taken and my mentor Basil Harris.

But I don't follow all of them in entirety.

John Maxwell is another guru who I learn and imbibe a lot from but I don't follow each of them in entirety.

There are aspects of one person who I really like and so I mimic that.

There are aspects of another person which fascinate me so I model that and there are other aspects of a third person and I mirror that.

So you can get bits and pieces from various people and learn how they live their lives and have managed challenging situations.

Like a buffet,

You don't have to get everything onto your plate but look at the four or five dishes that you really like and use that to satisfy your hunger and that buffet is available to you.

So that's the fourth point which is getting a model mentor guide.

Models,

Mentors,

Guides and again you do not have to adhere to the people who I have named.

You can find your own,

You can find exemplars from your community,

From your culture,

From your country,

Doesn't matter as long as you resonate with them and they inspire you and help you to move from desperation to inspiration.

Sometimes,

Even if not immediately but definitely incrementally and eventually you can do that.

And number five is to be in a spirit of servitude,

Compassion and giving.

And the challenge is that the reason we feel pain and suffering is because pain and suffering happens when it's me obsessing about me.

And when you step out of yourself and you say hang on a second,

The measure of my life is not in its duration rather the measure of my life is in its donation.

And you say this existence of mine is less about me and more about we.

And the secret of living is giving.

And rather than pursue the love of power,

Let me develop the power of love.

And instead of only being a go-getter,

Let me also become a go-giver.

When you incorporate this as number five,

These are five ideas that I encourage and these are five ideas that I espouse and this can now start to seriously at a very root level enhance your self-worth and get you to believe,

Really believe in yourself and get into a state of deserving.

You know the word deserve?

The etymology of the word deserve comes from the Latin de,

De from and service,

Which is service,

From service,

Deserve from service.

And so you don't get in life what you want,

You get in life what you deserve,

You get in life from service.

So yeah.

Arjun,

I'm literally getting goosebumps just listening to this.

I love it,

I love it,

Love it,

Love it.

I'd like to explore some of the things that you said a little bit more if that's okay.

Let's do it.

So you've talked about physiology,

Completely get that.

And then you've talked about people surround yourself with quality people.

Yeah.

What if your surroundings,

For example,

The people that you live in,

Your family or you know,

What if they are completely,

What if there is a misalignment to their understanding and their world map and your world map and where you want to go.

Now I know the answer might be simple,

Go seek out other people,

Right?

Yeah,

As simple as that.

True,

True,

True.

That would no doubt rock the boat.

Because to move away from what you do not want and to move towards what you do want means that you need to shed off some layers which will no doubt involve some pain and some judgment and some blah blah blah,

All of these possible negative emotions and losses as well,

Right?

Yeah.

Is there a way to,

What is the way to do this?

Yeah,

That's a great question and this brings us to again the overarching theme of this or that.

So this is,

Hey you know,

Staying with my family and or other people who I need to be with who have a completely different blueprint than the one that I have chosen for myself,

That's the this.

Or that and that is the walking away.

And what if we change just one word and we say instead of this or that we make it this or that,

We make it this and that.

Because you can actually do both.

I met a gentleman from China a number of years ago,

He was visiting Dubai,

Very interesting conversation and we were talking about global pollution and he happens to live in a city in China and I come from a city in India too also which has a fair bit of pollution and I know a number of our listeners might be either living in or visit sometimes countries,

Cities around the world that have high degrees of air pollution.

And it was interesting what he shared with me,

He said that listen,

You know,

That there are times that I have to go into the city and the city is polluted and you know,

I put on a mask and da da da and all that kind of stuff.

This is even before COVID,

You know,

Needed to wear a mask because that zone had a high amount of carbon monoxide etc.

Etc.

So I said what do you do about it?

He says nothing I can do about it because I don't control the government.

But what I do is I offset it.

And I got curious and he spoke really good English,

He said,

I said offset?

He said yeah,

That's right.

And he said listen,

Let's say for example there's a glass of clear water,

Okay,

And I put a few drops of dark ink into this glass of crystal clear water.

Now this water is polluted,

You know,

And it's,

So how do I,

The question is how do I remove the ink?

The answer is you can't.

But you can dilute the water by adding more water.

And so what he does is he deliberately takes time on weekends or even certain weekdays to go to another part of the city or another part of the country that has plenty of clean air in it.

And he goes there and he does Chinese breathing exercises to infuse,

To infuse his cells with oxygen and primarily to dilute the ink that he's been getting.

And I thought this was a beautiful midway point.

And then I asked him,

I said is this a sustainable solution?

He said I don't know about a sustainable solution but it is a solution right now that gives me balance between the economics that I am required to provide for my family and the health that I want to create for myself.

And here again is a gentleman who has not sought to go from black to white.

Rather he has discovered a shade of grey that at this point in time and space is optimum and completely doable instead of sitting on his thumbs and saying no I can't do anything about it and complaining about,

You know,

John Maxwell also said the more you complain the less you obtain.

And then he said whatever you appreciate appreciates.

So he is now appreciative of the small opportunities that he has to step out of that zone into another zone where he can infuse his body with energy.

And this can be applied in these areas also.

And I meet with a lot of people who come from,

Let me just say conservative settings who have an environment that they don't want to be in but they still love the people who they're with because that's,

Those are their loved ones.

And at the same time they don't want to give up their hearts desire for personal growth and they do both.

And it may take a little bit longer but at least you maintain,

Retain that relationship with the family while,

The word is while,

You are concurrently simultaneously pursuing your passion.

And at some point in time in the future the dynamics might change.

Right now you may start with a,

You know,

70% with the un-preferred environment and 30% with the preferred environment or 90,

10,

I don't know.

And gradually get to like an 80,

20,

70,

30,

60,

40,

50,

50,

Whatever that number may be for you and then observe how things go from there.

So yeah,

There's plenty you can do.

I absolutely love what you just said because so often we get worried and bogged down between this or that and here we can do and.

I love that.

It's very reassuring as well.

It just really reminds me that there's no,

You know,

There's no duality.

There's always a space in between which allows the remaining to emerge.

Love it,

Absolutely love it.

Arjun,

We've come to the end of this episode.

We discussed briefly in the beginning that we would potentially start exploring the concept of shadow self and this links in very well to what we were discussing.

How about you give us a short overview and,

You know,

Tease us,

Tease our taste buds a little bit before we go into the next one and we can explore that topic in more detail.

Yeah,

This is a very,

Let me just say relevant,

Germane subject in today's milieu and once we cover the basics which we have over the previous podcast,

I like to now get into an exploration of this particular area.

This comes from the place of saying that happiness is good and sadness is bad.

Joy is great and depression is horrible.

Ecstasy is amazing and irritation is terrible.

And I have discovered and also practiced and worked with not just myself but also other people where we have now challenged these paradigms.

And we've got to understand that both darkness and light are valid and darkness is the unpreferred emotional states and light are the preferred emotional states.

And of course we've spoken about the different shades of grey.

And here is what is at the root of shadow work.

This is what it says.

It says when you extend validity,

Actually even before I say that,

Let me say something else.

You know about a hundred years ago,

Before we had psychologists,

Psychotherapists,

Psychiatrists,

They were pretty much just two emotional states,

Happy and sad.

Now we've used our intellect and the prowess of the English language to come out with all these interesting sounding words.

And by having created these words,

We justify a contribution to the pharmaceutical industry via chemical pills that we put into our bodies to help us out of these particular emotional states.

But back in the day,

It just as it was okay to be happy,

It was also okay to be sad because there is validity in sadness,

Just there is validity in happiness.

And now we say there is value in sadness just as there is value in gladness,

Yes,

Sadness and gladness.

So now with shadow work,

When you extend validity to the darkness,

Your power to choose the light is increased.

Because the extension of validity to darker emotional states is exactly the same as now being detached from something that you dislike.

So now we're stepping out of the paradigms of likes and dislikes,

Wanting it to be one way and not wanting it to be another way.

And everyone around you says,

You know,

It's good to feel happy and it's not good to feel unhappy.

But what if we say,

Hey,

You know,

There are times when I will feel unhappy and what if I extend an allowance to myself to feel unhappy,

Give myself permission,

Give myself just the allowance to feel the feeling that I'm feeling and allow that feeling to be.

All of a sudden there is a peace that sets in.

So this is like the segue into what we can talk about more,

But this is the chapter title on shadow work and I have done work in this area with a few hundred people already,

Helping them to discover the power of shadow work.

And it's basically shattering a belief or a paradigm about emotions.

More allowing,

Less resisting.

More compassion,

Less judgement towards ourselves,

Right?

True,

True,

True.

Amazing.

Thank you so much.

I am completely pumped up for the next one.

And we will be talking in more detail about shadow work.

Thanks again,

Arjun.

Looking forward to it.

Cheers.

Have a great weekend.

Bye.