The Only Thing You Will Ever Need To Be Happy! Talk

54:09

54:09

The Only Thing You Will Ever Need To Be Happy! Talk

by Natalie Speakman

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Join Natalie on a transformative journey of spiritual awakening and conscious living as she is interviewed by Christina Renee, creator of the Conscious Conversations Podcast. From Presence to Surrender to Free Will, you are sure to learn and gain serious insight from this deep dive into Michael Singer's teachings on surrender. Embark on this sacred journey as we ignite the flame of consciousness and collectively return to the Truth of who we are in this powerful conversation.

Meet your Teacher

Natalie Speakman

Bali, Indonesia

Meet your Teacher

Natalie Speakman

Bali, Indonesia

Transcript

I'd like to welcome Natalie Speakman to the show. And Natalie is a very special guest because she was, And is, Has been a mentor of mine for a while. And I'm really excited to have Natalie on the show today so that we can have a conscious conversation and she can share her heart and her mind with the world. Welcome, Natalie. Thank you, Christina. I'm so excited to be here with you. Yes, Thank you so much for everything you've done, But also for being here with me. Can you just tell us outside of being a coach, Tell us a little bit about who you are and what you're up to right now? Yeah, Sure. So hi, Everyone. Thanks for listening. I am a coach. I call myself a spiritual life coach. I'm also a Reiki master teacher and intuitive. And yeah, I mean, I feel like as I'm in this role as a coach over the past few years, Like it's getting more clear, Like who I help, Right? There's themes that have emerged and what's emerging for me now is that the place I love to work the most and with the people I love to work the most with are on like the deepest layers of self and of first accepting and loving who we are in what I like to call our messy humanity. And owning and embracing that. I feel like that's my passion. And it's interesting. I'm just going to go with what's coming here because I just made this intention last week with my coach. I'm going to offer something called the year of surrender. And it's going to be based on Michael Singer's teachings, Which we're probably going to go into. But I feel like the work that I'm being called and led into is just this deepest level work because life happens. There's always life. There's always happenings. There's always things. So yeah, We can try and manage and manipulate and do things out here. But if we don't go to the root, Then we're not going to the root. So that's what I'm passionate about, What I'm up to right now. Yeah. I love that. I love that. So that's also why I just resonate with you so much as a mentor, Because to me, It's all about the deepest work, Right? The intention of this podcast is to share information so that people can hear something, Anything that resonates that can help them remember the truth of who they are. And when I say the truth of who they are, I mean who we are as spirit, Who we are at our core. And so I just, I didn't know that. I know you just decided with your coach. That's so exciting. I mean, Surrender is a great topic, But tell me a little bit about the teachings. I'm not familiar with Michael Singer. I've listened to a few of his podcast episodes that you've shared with me, But overall, I'm not familiar 100%. So can you share a little bit about those teachings? Yeah, Sure. So I mean, If you're listening and you don't know who this person is, It's like, I mean, I think what would be most compelling for somebody is to be like, Is to share what he's created and who he's about. So he's an American who was on the board of the website most Americans know called WebMD. Everyone knows WebMD. It's when you're sick, You go there and you put in your symptoms and then you get freaked out. And then you find out 20 million things that might be wrong with you. Right. So what's interesting about Michael Singer is he was he is still is very much in the world, But out of the world. I mean, In that example of just him being on the board or whatever his role was with a billion dollar company. So most people think a spiritual person isn't going to be in those realms, But he is deeply spiritual and was in those realms. But he's been a lifelong student of spiritual teachings, Buddhism, Hinduism, And he has a book called The Surrender Experiment. It's his memoir. So when he was around 20 years old, He got this intention as he started his spiritual journey, Like, I'm going to do this experiment where I surrender to everything and see what happens. And based on him surrendering to everything, He became billionaire. Or whatever, CEO of a billion dollar corporation. It's a very I mean, It's not that simple or black and white, But, You know, That's it's a powerful example. Because it flies in the face of, You know, Oh, No, You have to sell everything you own and move to India and live in an ashram. No. And that's like part of his biggest teaching is you don't have to do that. Your spiritual journey is right now in this moment when you go outside in traffic and you get annoyed at the driver in front of you. That is the spiritual work. Yeah. So that's just a little taste. Yeah. I'm just giggling because a couple of months ago I started really diving deep into A Course in Miracles and the Way of Mastery. And the first place that I chose to practice surrender was when I was in traffic driving to pick up my kids. And I was a road rage person, But I decided one day that I was not going to cuss and I didn't. And things started shifting. So I just I just thought that was funny. That was the example that you're intuitively guided. Mm hmm. Yeah. So so surrender. What what is that? How would Michael Singer define surrender? I don't know. You could ask him, But my interpretation of it is like, I mean, It's a letting go. It's a releasing of resistance. It's a release, A releasing of either resistance or clinging. It's a releasing of preference. So so this is why, Like I said earlier, Why I love the work I do with people and where I'm guided to go, Because that's really the root of suffering. You know, The four noble truths of Buddhism. The first one is existence is suffering. The second one is the cause of suffering is desire. So surrender happening at those deep, Deep levels of letting go in every moment of any sort of a preference. I imagine he might say something along those lines. Yeah. What is your experience with surrender? I feel like it's the answer to everything. I so I had a plant medicine experience almost three or four years ago. Now it was the most intense experience of my life. I basically died. I experienced death like I mean, The body didn't die, But the ego did. The biggest lesson I had from that experience was so, You know, As the experience came on. I was like, Oh, My God, I can't handle this. Like, It's too intense. But yeah, Anyone that's done a psychedelic or something, It's like you can't turn it off. You know, The ride has begun. You're committed. Yes. And so I'm just in terror. I'm in panic and terror. And like, I can't handle this. I can't do this. I'm going to go insane, Like the worst. Thoughts and feelings. And then then something else came in that was like I had this recognition of a moment of. Of surrendering like that's the only option. There was no other option. There was no other option. So I said, Yes. I was in no. And then I went to yes. And the minute I went into yes and releasing resistance. And attachment and clinging and desire. I went into God. And so then the biggest takeaway I had with that was like God is yes. That's it. And the only problem period for any human being really ever is resisting. What is in the present moment? And yeah, It sounds simplistic. And yes, It's also the truth. And anything on top, You know, Anything you apply to that? Apply to that? Well, But what about this and that? It's all a judgment. Right. So all of these, All of what you're describing sounds like all of the other texts that I've been into. So I love that because what that what I feel when I hear things like that, When they resonate with other works, Is that it's truth, Like you said. And when you were describing your experience of like the fear and you were a no, And then God was yes, I was having some memories of my own moments of surrender. And I could feel like the contraction. And then I could feel the release almost as if you described it. So I'm curious if you could give a lot of people may not be into the plant medicine or, You know, Maybe some more examples. You know, I I'm imagining that there's going to be listeners from all levels of consciousness. And so if you'd be willing to describe what resistance feels like or what surrender feels like to you and maybe some practical situations where those can be applied. Yeah, Great question, Because, You know, I'm extracting this very unique experience, But you know, The takeaway from it was, Is that, Okay, Then I went out into the world and I remember I left on my motorbike because I'm living in Bali. And just what I can describe it as this layer of ego was gone, This layer that which ego is resistance or mind is, You know, The condition mind is resistance. So this, This, It was gone, But I didn't even know it was there until it was gone. Right. I remember driving and there was a dead chicken on the road. And normally that's something that I would see and I would resist and I would judge. And there, And it was not there. And I just witnessed it without the filter of judgment. And what would that judgment have normally looked like? Like what thought? Oh, Poor chicken, Like, Oh, That's bad. It's, It's somehow bad and wrong and tragic and sad or gross, You know, Blood and guts. And yeah. Labeling. Yeah. Even as anything other than neutral. Yes, Exactly. Exactly. So, I mean, And again, I don't know how real world that, But you know, That happens everywhere. So that was gone. So I was like, Oh my gosh, I didn't know. I didn't know it was there until it was gone. Yeah. And I could experience just being, Yeah, It's a neutral event. It's a neutral thing to see. As far as like, Okay, Well the traffic thing. So Michael Singer, What he says is, You know, In this idea of surrender being the path and the, The answer. If somebody wants to take that on, It's natural that our mind would say, Well, Let's start with our childhood trauma or let's start with, You know, The, The big thing and work on that. And he's like, No, No, No, No, No. You start with what he calls low hanging fruit. Low hanging fruit is fruit. You have no effort to come. You go to an apple tree is the lowest hanging one. You pick it. It takes no effort than the one way up high. Yeah. And so he says, Start with that. What is that weather and traffic? You cannot, No one on this planet can change the weather. Well, I mean, We could debate that, But mostly no one can change the weather. So is there a resistance when you go outside and see that it's cloudy or see that it's rainy or see that it's too hot, Start to notice that there's a that's resistance. So that's saying no. And then what happens is there's a feeling inside it's uncomfortable. It does not feel good. So it's that energy of resistance, Contraction, Walling off saying no. Yeah. So so that is something I mean, It's just so easy to play with. And it's there all the time, Usually, Unless the weather's always perfect. So then the invitation would be first noticing all of this because you can't change what you're not aware of. And then, OK, You know, I can't do anything about the weather. He says, You know, This weather, How did it get here? All of the systems of the clouds and the storms and the meteorologists could tell you how. And there's so much science and intricacies behind how it's cloudy right now in front of me. You know, The mystery of that. And that's how it got here. It's here right now. Can I just be with this weather and even start to embrace it? Not even not resist it, But even, Oh, It's raining. Oh. Oh, OK. So that would be an example. Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate that. And as I was listening, I I noticed, You know, My my mind going to my own experiences. And, You know, Even that is a little bit of resistance. And you know what? What I did hear, Though, As I was listening to you is something that I find I'm talking a lot about this on TikTok lately is it requires being present. It requires paying attention not just to what's in front of us, But to our thoughts about what's in front of us and a layer deeper paying attention to those feelings in your body. And letting the feelings tell you, Oh, I'm having thoughts and judgments about this that are creating resistance. So the surrender experiment. I'm a little curious when you first mentioned that you just decided I'm curious about the decision and that I'm also curious about what is it and what will it look like? Yeah, I'm calling what I'm doing a year of surrender. Michael Singer's book, His memoir is called The Surrender Experiment. So to clear that up as two different things, I mean. Yeah. Anyway, I'm like thinking, Hmm, Could I take that on? But no. So what? Yeah, It came up as because I was talking with my coach about like who like what am I passionate about helping people with? Like, What am I really like if I can just do the ideal thing and talk about in coaching with the thing I love to talk about the most and with the people that I love to talk about it with who are right there and in this message and ready and willing. It just came as a download if you want to get woo woo, Which I'm totally woo woo and I fucking love it. It's an offering to clients, To potential clients. Yeah, It's a year of surrender. And then we came up with like a year of surrender and like the different levels and like six months of presence because presence is the other thing, Which is what you just brought in. Yeah. And, You know, The teacher of presence is Eckhart Tolle. And so it's like Michael Singer is, You know, The surrender guy, Eckhart's the presence guy. I mean, There's more, But these are well known. And then three months of like self-love, Self-compassion. So this is what came as offerings for people. So that's what it's about. Awesome. So you mentioned Eckhart, Presence and plus surrender. But what those two have been really guiding me in is presence and surrender. What those have been really guiding me in is creation. So I'm curious, What are the philosophies of Michael Singer about creating our own reality? Can you speak a little bit about that? Yeah, That's a great question because he is not about that at all. He's quite opinionated. Okay, That's great. Yeah. You know, Because it implies that and I get it like I get all of it and I don't feel like one is right and one is wrong. It's all here. It's all good. Whatever resonates, You know, And what he says is that basic. Well, I mean, And this is all my interpretation. Please don't quote me exactly. Just my studies and immersion. And this is my general idea of what he says about that. But that he that it implies that like something needs to be changed or something's changed. Or something's different or lacking about the now. So that, You know, Then I'm going to create something in the future, You know, And I get that. Yeah. So that's what he would say, I think. Yeah. Well, I love this topic, If you're willing to go here, Because for a long time, I was in that paradigm of we create our own reality. You know, Even just this morning, I heard something that, You know, Sunk in a little bit deeper about, You know, It's it's more like when we're present and we're surrendering, We're allowing. So I'm curious your thoughts and your feelings on that. And we can go deep with that. Well, My I mean, My first thought is we are God. And we are I mean, Conversations with God is another highly influential book teaching of mine that I love. And, You know, That says we came here to discover and create, You know, To experience that. And even the way of mastery says that energy of desire is God, Even sexual desire. Yes. But that desire energy is what's needed for this process, Desire, Intention, Creation. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then there is the fourth. Yeah. Yeah. Well, In way of mastery calls it allowing, I think. And I love that energy of that word to yeah, Allowing, Because in allowance, There's no judgment. And there's no resistance. And there's no preference either, As well. But yeah, I'm getting so in thinking about, Wait, What you were saying, I've lost the question again. We create our own reality. That goes deeper into free will, Is there free will, What is free will if we are one, If you know, I love I believe in non dual teachings, Vedanta, All of that. So if there is only one consciousness, Right, You know, Where is free will in that? I don't, I don't know. I mean, One of my teachers, Another is Ramana Maharshi. He's the guru who asked the famous question, Who am I in order to get enlightenment? And he, He quote, He's like, There is no free will is what he says. So am I in my creation? I mean, Yeah, We're, We're, Where is that the free will in that or not? I don't know. You tell me. What do you think? Well, I love that you brought up desire. Because the way that I've been interpreting the teachings of the way of mastery, And of course, Miracles, Which are both channeled by Jesus, The way that the way that I interpret it is that the desire is given to us from God. And as we follow our desires, We're creating with God. And not to resist our desires to there's even a whole practice that that says it talks about sexual desire. And it doesn't say go out and do your thing, You know, But it says when you feel it, Like welcome it, All of it, Be with it. And it says that our free will is the choice of who we're listening to. Who we're listening to. Are we listening to the ego? Are we choosing to listen to the ego? Or are we choosing to listen to God? That is the point of free will. So curious what, How that lands for you. I'm still learning. I'm not an expert. This is just what I think. Yeah. Well, And I mean, I love that very clear distinction. Well, And then, I mean, I'm thinking many things like the ego is an illusion. The ego is not real. And, You know, This self-concept every, You know, Living from mind, Living from concepts, Beliefs, Judgments, Stories, None of that is real. So yeah. How does that fit into choice and free will and reality? What are you thinking about that? This is what all the Course in Miracles talks about. And, You know, What I heard when you, When you were talking about the ego, I heard interference, The way it explains it in A Course in Miracles, The way that I see it is that the ego isn't real. It is an illusion. However, We experience this world very, Very real. But like it's interference, Right? When we're listening to the judgments or the negative self-talk or even you have to, You should, You know, Kind of language, It's interference with the connection that we never, Ever lose from God because we are always, We are a part of. Yes. Yeah. So what are we putting our attention on? Yes. What are we paying attention to? We're paying like with our energy. Yes. We're paying attention. So, I mean, That's what meditation is. That's what mindfulness is. It's, It's about, Okay. Seeing the distractions. Thoughts are the biggest distraction. They're the, For me, What I like the closest layer, You know, To the self. So first being aware, Like, I mean, This conversation is not for everybody, You know, But it will be heard by those who are ready to hear it. Yes. Because yeah, You have to be aware of all of this to even do something about it. And it's not even doing something. It's like ceasing. Right. Ceasing identification, Believing of the stories. Yeah. Yeah. I loved how you said it's not even doing anything. That is where I noticed myself. I get into, I need to read this book or I need to do this. It's really, It's really not like that. We, When we pay attention, The information is always available to us. I want to circle this back because I feel, I feel like it comes right back to what you were saying about the low hanging fruit. If we're paying attention in the moment, We're going to hear the interference. We don't have to go search for it. I'm a teacher on Insight Timer, The number one free meditation app. And I go live in there many times, You know, A couple of times a week. And, You know, I have an audience there and. You know, I was doing this yesterday and it got, You know, The message got. What I call like spiritual tough love. It was, You know, Some of that was coming in as far as, Okay, You have a story about why you're suffering, You know, Because, And there's hard stuff thing, Bad things happen. You know, This one lady, Her son died at 17 years old. That's horrible. That's bad. It's not about white, Whitewashing that away. And also how long are you going to choose to have that story and that suffering color and create the rest of your life. And you get to make a choice about that. And that can be really hard to hear for somebody that's not ready or willing to hear it. So even what I say this a lot in there, I'm like, Okay, You know, I'm not going to bring it up in my live sessions is like, If you're here hearing this, You're meant to hear it. I love that. So trust, Trust that. Yes. And so even yesterday, Even though there was hard truths coming out, I was like, It's it's because it really goes back to the whole conversation of victim versus responsible. Are you going to show up in the world as a victim to your reality? Or as I'm responsible for my reality and even what we're talking about with surrender and everything can can still fit into that as well. Oh, Huge. Yes. Yeah. I know for me hearing that. Like the concept that our outer world is just a reflection of our inner world. Yeah. Hearing that doesn't really push on me until I'm faced with something. That I'm looking to accept that that is me and I don't want and I'm resisting. It's hard. The more you practice, It gets easier. But with certain things, The deep, Deep, Deep wounds, It's it's hard to own it as yourself. Hard times where it's like, That's not, You know, I want I want it to not be me. And that's only going back to a judgment I have about it. If all events are neutral, Then it should be no problem to accept everything as myself. That reminds me of a Adia Shanti, Another teacher has a quote that says human beings biggest addiction is the addiction to self judgment. And that I totally I believe that I believe that and I believe self judgment is is is the root of that deepest layer of what's in the way of liberation and peace and enlightenment, Because if we're judging ourselves, I mean, That just creates this structure above that that's going to be flawed. And you can try and fix it up here. But until you work on the releasing of the self judgment, Then it's it's it's not the structure will still be here. Yeah, Yes, That is what the Course in Miracles way of mastery, I believe Eckhart Tolle, Almost every piece of work that has brought me closer to the truth of who I am. It's that it is that and anytime we're seeing ourselves judge someone else. It's because we're projecting out our own self judgment, Because we are God. And the end you are God, And everything and everyone's God. So if I'm judging it, I'm judging God. Yeah, And I'm judging myself. And, And I mean, It's it's it's resistance. It's it's ego. It's it's illusion. Yeah. Yeah, I loved how you said that. Because we're all God. So you're God, I am God. We're all one, My belief and concept, Which I'm judging myself that I have beliefs and concepts, Because it's not right. It's not good enough, Whatever, But it's there is that God is the energy that we call love. And that's why humans were obsessed with love every single culture and whatever. It's like, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, We all want love, We need love, We in ideas of love, Because the truest essence of that is God. And so we that's why we want to feel it. We want to feel that because it get that's the truth. When you said we're all we're all wanting it. Right? We're all desiring it. There's there's two things that are coming up for me around this one is the very first book in my spiritual journey that I was introduced to was called real love. And I actually I had gotten out of treatment. And my treatment team told me that I should go be around recovery, Maybe go to a church or a spiritual center, You know, They were just trying to get me around people and get around some sort of faith and truth. And I went to the website of a spiritual center that was near me. And I looked at their calendar, I saw real love. And I was like, Sounds like something I need. So I went. And that was really the start of, You know, Me opening up. And the book, It's by Greg Baird. And I think he has real love in dating, Real love in parenting. But the first book, Real love is, Is about how that is what we're all wanting. It is what we're all seeking. We're all yearning for love or God or the truth. And then he outlines so many different ways that we're he calls it trading imitation love. And so the getting the clinging, Protecting, We do these things because we're, We don't have it for ourselves, Right? We haven't experienced that love for ourselves. So we can't give what we don't have. But also, Like, We block ourselves from it by reaching for it. It reminds me of just the idea of the present presence in the present moment. And, You know, Coming back to that very just feet on the ground, Like real life, That, You know, We're setting ourselves up for suffering. If we're wanting to grasp and cling to and reach something outside of this present moment. You know, Because then it means there's something wrong with this moment now. And time is an illusion. Anything like what you're talking about is thoughts. And they're just whatever kind of thoughts, Their thoughts. So we're either, You know, Thinking about the past, Thinking about the future, Or why, Why I'm not okay right now. Like, That's really, To me, The biggest thought that creates the most suffering, Why this present moment is not okay, Why I'm not okay right now. And so, But again, It's totally human and common and normal. Yeah, But also we're awakening and humanity's awakening. And that's why we're here. And I love it. I mean, I like to focus on where we're going in the awakening of consciousness that's happening. We can't deny it. We can't. It's just, It's amazing. And I had a conversation with a friend the other day, And he and I was saying this, And he's like, Yeah, And also, But just as much as we're going up like these other energies, There are other people that's just equally bad. And I'm like, Well, Okay, You could have that belief, But I choose to not. I choose to believe in ultimate good outcome. But, You know, Going back to this yearning, This wanting, I mean, It's human. And, But I think what I noticed, I talked about this in my live session yesterday is I'm noticing this. There's always an urgency. My mind is always creating an urgency. I've got to go do this. I've got to do this. I've got to, I've got to go here. I've got to be here, Go, Go, Go and do, Do, Do. And there's this new thought happening, Which is the next step on my journey is there's nowhere to go. And I've heard that a million times, But literally like I am an eternal being. This is not my only incarnation. I've always existed. I will also. So what's the freaking rush? Bless my heart with love. But it was a noticing of that. Like I, I have my own business. I have the most amazing life. Nobody is telling no, Not one person can tell me what to do. I have total sovereignty. I am my own boss. I make my own money. I have my own business. I make my own. Now I'm single. So, So why, Why am I choosing this? But I, It's just a natural thing. So I'm working on, Okay, There's nothing urgent. There's nowhere to go. And Eckhart talks about this idea. I go back to a lot of the transcendent dimension in the present moment. There's a transcendent dimension. Like that was a concept to me until I experienced it. When you learn to really, Or awaken or open to the actual present moment, It is, It's everything we're trying to seek. It's already here. You hear that? Michael Singer has an awesome little thing. He says where he's like, You know, We all, All the spiritual people, I do this too. We want enlightenment. We want to be enlightened. We want to be liberated. It's already here. It's already now it's just about unbecoming and removing the layers of, Of what's blocking us from that. But he says like, It's like saying, I want to be in New York city. And yet you're in New York. You're standing in the middle of New York city with blinders on saying, I want to be in New York city. I want to be in New York city. You're already there. You just need to take off your freaking blinders. There are so many threads that popped up when you were saying that, But what I wanted to ask you about was you said experience. And that to me is the goal, Right? To have peace inside the experience, Just even in the past few months, I took on a task, A thing that I was really resistant to. And I said, I'm going to practice presence and surrender. And when I first started this thing, I was really rushed, You know, Like really just all the time. When I noticed my experience was stressed and rushed and not fun, Not pleasant, I would come back. And then when I got present, It was, It was more doable for lack of a better word. But now when I do this task, I actually look forward to it because I use it as an opportunity to get present. That's such a powerful example. That's exactly what I was saying yesterday. Like I said, I was telling the audience, Like, Think of something you want and just tell me like, Even everything that you want. I want a partner. I want money. I want blah, I want blah. I want to travel. I want help. Why do you want all of these things? Well, I want, I want a job, A better job because I want more money, But why do you want more money? So I can do more stuff and buy things that I want. Why do you want to buy things that you want like that? And you follow that. If you follow the thread of why we want everything it's so we can feel at peace right now or freedom and peace and joy. But really for me, I feel underneath it's peace. We all just want peace period. So why, I mean, It's a natural human thing. We try and create things out here so that we can feel a certain way in here. Oh my gosh, Let's reverse that. You don't have to go. Like I was giving the example, I'm the, You know, I'm a spiritual life coach in Bali and I have an amazing life and say, I'm living in the U S and, Oh, I want to be doing this here in Bali. Oh my gosh, There's so many steps to get to being there. And I can't be happy until I get there. It's like, Let's, Let's reverse that. Yeah. Give yourself the experience you're seeking right now. You can do that. That's a totally accessible and possible. Can I be at peace right now? Can I even start whatever, Working on that, Thinking about that, Having that as an intention, Having a desire. Yeah. And I don't need to have that experience to give me a peace inside. Once I feel the peace, Then this will naturally occur. And that goes back to the whole manifestation law of attraction, Like in my, Even Michael Singer. So if you go back to him and about surrender, I mean, The ultimate goal of surrender is to be at peace in the present moment and to be present and to not be resistant. So naturally, If you are feeling peace and to like, If you're feeling peace, Then maybe there might be like, Oh, There might be an impulse that comes from a place of peace of, Of something. And then to create from that out of play and does an experimenting and just to experience it, Not because I'm not happy and I need to do something to get happy. Yeah. I was, I was literally just going to ask you if you like, If I have, You know, This idea that once I get to Bali or Hawaii, I will be peaceful. Am I, Can we really actually experience happiness and peace there if we can't access it right here? Reminds me of my, I mean, I don't know. This just came, Whatever download spiritual Lulu download fucking down. I judge myself. I'm worried about the judgment of, So I've got my stuff anyway, Whatever I got to download that it just came over the past few years. Like what is my purpose on this planet in the, In this incarnation more than anything else? What do I want? Yeah. And my, It's just naturally came. I want to live unconditionally. That is my, I feel that I'm like, That's my highest purpose. My soul's calling and purpose is to be able to live unconditionally. What does that mean? That the outside world can do whatever it's doing. And it's not going to move me out of my peace. And so now I'm, I know that I know that. And, And so, Okay, Now things are happening and it's like, Okay, Here's opportunities for you to surrender, For you to have things happen and then practice all the, You know, The surrender so that I can be at P I mean, I have a long way to go or it can happen right now, But it's not easy. It's simple. It's simple, But it is not easy and it's possible. And what you just said is so, So it just, It's so profound to me that I'm curious about your views or your thoughts on it is that when I was listening to you, It was like these challenges, These opportunities to surrender were very, Very loud for me, Um, In my journey, Very big, Very loud, Very harsh, Very like shocking. And over the years, The more I practice this surrender being in the moment, Allowing, Following my desire, The challenges don't feel as big. And I'm curious if it, If that's true for you or if that's, You know, Something that you see with your client. Mm-hmm. I mean, Con conceptually, You know, What I'm thinking of, You know, This would be optimal. One of Eckhart's most famous quotes, You know, Is, Um, To accept the present moment as if you have chosen it is like, I forgot the red, But like, That's the highest optimal way to be. And it's like, Ooh, You mean the car accident? You mean the loss of a job? Yeah. I feel like whatever helps, You know, And these are all concepts and ideas and thoughts, But if they just stay up here, Then they just stay up here. It, What makes a difference for you in the moment? Experientially. Yeah. Like that's this journey from, I mean, My head is full of knowledge and also that gets in the way, You know, I mean, Buddha, They taught, It taught Buddhism talks about the don't know mind. That's where I'm working on because this is all very conceptual and knowledge and there's so much here. Yes. And also our knowledge blocks us from the unknown and in having a new experience or something new way of mastery talks about. Yeah. We are like a gnat, A G and a T and that shaking, It's looking up at the sky and shaking its fist at the universe and being like, You need to do what I say. Yeah. Or like cooperate. It's like, It's so true. Yeah. Yeah. No, I love that inauthentic relating. I always say it before we go into a circle or go into a practice is whenever I think I know I'm an ego, But it's like, If I think I know something about you, Then I'm closing myself off to experiencing you right now in this moment. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, It goes back to it. That's it's a judgment. I mean, So even in the way of mastery, Jesus talks about how his teachers gave him this practice of, You know, Going out and it's basic, It's from the course of miracles. Oh, Look at this. This hand doesn't mean anything or, You know, This mirror doesn't mean anything. And I mean, That's, That's don't know mind right there. Yeah. It's a powerful practice for sure. It's come into my life in several different ways. First at landmark communication, Which is all about consciousness. And then again, In authentic relating and in ways, I know it does bring me a more peaceful experience to realize that I'm putting me into this. So if I'm feeling restless or frustrated or angry, That's because of what I'm thinking about it. And that can be changed. There's a quote from Michael Singer. This goes back to earlier about like, You're like talking about how to surrender, Like kind of the digging, How do we dig into that, Like experientially as rather than a concept. So he says, And he's talking, This is from his memoir, The surrender experiment. By that stage of my growth, I could see that the practice of surrender was actually done in two very distinct steps. First, You let go of the personal reactions of like, And dislike that form inside your mind and heart. And second, With the resultant sense of clarity, You simply look to see what is being asked of you by the situation unfolding in front of you. What would you be doing if you weren't being influenced by the reactions of like or dislike, Following that deeper guidance will take your life in a very different direction from where your preferences would have led you. That is the clearest I can explain my surrender experiment. And it became the foundation of both my spiritual and worldly life. So I feel like that answers a lot of what's come up. I love how it mentions like and dislike. Yeah. Because when we are so excited about something or we love something, Or we think it's so cool, That's also. It's a preference. Well, I love that you brought that in because that was something, Another space that's opening for me to play in that's different. And he talks about this. So he talks about, You're having a peak experience. What is the peak experience? Your wedding day, The birth of a child, You go on this trip and you want to see this sunset and you're there. So he says, Like, Think about you in that experience. He says, You're totally open. You are a hundred percent open. There's no resistance. You're just open, Present, Experiencing, Letting this whole experience come in. He says, The goal is that you are like that with the things that you don't like. That you have that same openness to, I mean, He calls it the rattlesnake and the butterfly. So the butterfly is the nice thing. The rattlesnake is the not nice thing. Can you be like, Oh, A butterfly is here. And you're just open. And then you cling and you're like, Oh, Wow. Remember that other, I want to see another. Right. So, So the clinging can happen. But then if you're like, Okay, Then a rattlesnake comes. Okay. Can you, I mean, Aside from like physical danger, But you see it from far away, Can you be as open to the rattlesnake? Can you be as open to the bad thing as you can to the beautiful sunset? That is a huge shift for me and my attitude. Cause I'm human and I'm like, Get that away. More of this, Less of that. Yeah. Well, Natalie, This has been so fun. And I have a couple of questions that I asked my guests before we end. So do you have time to, Yes. Okay, Perfect. So we probably have already touched on these but we'll just circle back to them. So the first question is how would you define God or source? Oh, Great. Yes. Yeah. As I said earlier, Love, The energy, The essence of love. All right. And the next question is what would you say the purpose of life is? Is to remember the truth of who we are, Which is that we are God. Yes. Well, Thank you so much, Natalie. How do people find you if they want to get in touch with you? Yeah, Sure. Well, My name is Natalie Speakman. My website, Nataliemspeakman. Com. M as in Mary. I'm on Facebook, Instagram. I mean, Just search me. And yeah, I'm a teacher on Insight Timer. I go live in there a couple times a week, And I have some meditations in there as well. So yeah, You can find out more about me there. I'm also actually if I may bring this up to at this time, As of the recording, This is what's coming up. Again, A download came for me to do a surrender circle. So I'm going to be hosting. Yeah, It's a cool idea that happened. And it's based in Michael Singer's teachings. So it might happen once, It might happen 1000 times or anything in between. Right now I'm looking at scheduling the first one. But you can see it about it on my website, Surrender circle. So it's going to be a Zoom meeting. It's donation based, You can pay nothing or whatever. But we're going to dig deeper into all of this. So if you resonated with this, You know, Reach out that you would like our surrender circle. And we'll be talking about it. What is it looking at people's real life examples? How does it look in those examples? Question answer. And then at the end, I'm going to be giving Reiki. So I'm a Reiki master teacher and ancestral clearing, Which is a amazing process that I do for healing and clearing. So I that will also be part of the circle. Awesome. Thank you so much. It's been so great having you as a guest. Thank you. I would like to personally thank you for tuning in to this episode. If you haven't already, Please be sure to like this episode, Subscribe to my channel and turn on notifications so that you never miss a beat. And if you really resonated with this content, Please share it with all of your friends so that collectively we can expand our consciousness. Have a very blessed week.