Awareness Satsang: Q And A: The Courage To Be Vulnerable

Remember when I correct or push you guys away,

It's out of love,

Okay?

It's all out of love.

And it's not like you're bad or anything.

It's just,

You know,

This work is super powerful.

And if people aren't ready,

It can make things worse.

So sometimes I just push you away to,

So that you'll bond more with your own true nature.

Right?

Because that's the gig,

You guys.

You bonding with your true natures.

Not,

Not attaching to mama.

Mama can help.

The gig is your true natures.

And everybody's,

You know,

Most of us aren't bonded properly with our moms really deeply.

So we,

We try to get it from the teacher and she can't do it.

I mean,

Yeah,

You're,

You're a divine being and the divine will show you how to heal.

Yeah.

Okay.

So,

You know,

This one got here by being really true to herself,

You know?

And,

And no matter how inconvenient it was,

What my journey asked of me,

I followed it.

Or sometimes I get pushed into it.

You know,

It wasn't always,

You know,

Realistically.

Yeah.

But I just kept going.

So just keep going there rough times and then they're easy times.

It's like climbing the mountain and you're all fully capable because you're all God.

Okay.

So is anybody got any questions or comments?

Yeah,

I have a question.

Yeah,

Sure.

Who are we talking to?

I don't see your name.

Yeah,

My name is Scott.

I don't have a,

I just call in on my phone.

So I have great Scott.

Great.

Good.

Okay.

Now I know your name,

Scott.

That's great.

Happy,

Happy.

Yeah,

In New Mexico.

So,

So I apologize for even asking,

But you know,

I just,

I hear certain words and you know,

I don't,

I don't know what your definition is.

Could,

Could you be,

Could you say what you mean when you use that word ego?

Oh,

Okay.

So basically I say ego is the person you've been conditioned into.

It's before we're awake,

We think this person is us and it's a set of beliefs and fears and various emotions all predicated on belief that the soul energy isn't there or isn't safe.

So when you were little kids,

If you're true nature and we have the family emotional climate,

Most times they're pretty different.

So the child learns to let go of his connection to the soul,

To just go to sleep to it,

To kind of block it off,

To go numb to it.

To sleep to it,

To kind of block it off,

To go numb to it.

And then he's,

He starts functioning in the family climate.

Now the scientists have,

Can tell the difference in the brain when we're functioning in the ego and it's called the default neuro,

Neuro sequence or something.

And it is the,

The brain lights up in certain ways when the person's in the ego.

And as that person learns to come out of the ego,

It's a much stronger,

Actually,

Neural network that shows up.

It's,

It's,

They can,

You see,

So if we're in our ego,

We really believe it.

But when we come out of it are a much bigger awareness comes in and it even shows up in the brain.

It is brighter than the default neural network,

Which is the ego.

When you're more in truth,

When you're more meditating,

Meditator,

This neural,

Neural picture is brighter.

So Scott,

How about,

Are you,

Are you,

Does that make any sense to you?

Well,

You know,

For years,

I've heard many people use this word.

And the only definition that really ever really stuck with me somewhat clearly was when a Ramana student's Annamalai Swami said,

The ego is the I am the body idea.

And the only thing you have to do in this life is to get rid of that idea.

Yeah,

There's,

That's sort of the same as what I said.

It's kind of I just gave it up,

But it's just sometimes,

You know,

I can remember things sometimes better than when,

You know,

I think I'm thinking of asking you for a mantra.

I don't know,

You know,

Because,

You know,

I mean,

I thought today might be the last day I ever get,

You know,

To talk to you,

Because,

You know,

I come on Sunday,

But,

You know,

But,

You know,

And I don't know if that's appropriate to even ask,

But then,

And the other thing is,

You know,

The other thing is when you,

You know,

When you use the word God,

And you say we're gods,

You know,

I don't really know what that means.

You know,

Alma,

You know,

I,

You know,

I've heard she's performed miracles,

You know,

And I've gotten hugs from her and noticed something,

You know,

So,

You know,

And I've been with other teachers,

But,

You know,

You know,

This God thing,

You know,

To me,

Alma's,

You know,

As close as I can know,

I mean,

Because it's just like,

You know,

Maybe I can feel a little something now.

You know,

I'm open to the possibility that there's an intelligent energy that's getting my heart to beat,

Because it seems to be happening without me trying to make it happen.

Yeah,

Well,

That's kind of it.

It's just how much,

How much you can feel that creator energy in your life,

And so a mentor is a really good idea,

And can you email me about this?

I don't have,

I don't have a computer,

Right?

All I have is this dumb phone.

I don't have a smartphone.

Okay,

Can you text me then?

I'll give you my number.

No,

I don't.

I don't have a text.

All I have is a phone,

No text,

No email.

Laura,

Are you wanting to say something about this?

I just don't want to give you a mantra,

Like in this,

I would rather have a one-on-one connection with you to give you a mantra.

That's right.

I can help you.

I can help get a phone time,

But if that would help,

I can email.

Would that help?

It's okay with me.

I'm welcoming help.

Just set up a time.

Yeah,

I'll just call you.

Anna,

Can you write down Scott's number?

Can you write it down,

And then Scott,

I'll call you,

How about I call you right after the session's over?

Sure.

Okay,

Perfect.

Okay,

Good.

All right.

Thank you.

Thank you,

Laura,

For getting the movement.

Yeah,

Scott?

You need me to leave my number right now?

Yeah,

Well,

It's listed,

But I don't have a pen,

So I'm asking Anna to write it down,

And then she'll text me the number,

And then I'll call you within 10 minutes after the session,

After this ends.

Oh,

Great.

Okay,

Good.

Okay,

Great,

Scott.

Yeah,

Blessings.

Well,

You deserve this.

Yeah,

Good.

Okay,

Good.

Well done.

I feel a good feeling with this,

So that we're doing this.

There's this movement and a solution to you getting your mantra.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

Ah,

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Okay,

Good.

Right.

You know,

These tears that we get when love's offered,

They melt our walls.

They melt our ego walls.

This is how we move into truth,

One of the ways.

Right.

Ah,

Scott.

Yeah.

Love is here.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

This is how vulnerable we are underneath our hardshells.

You know,

Even the suitcases are getting hardshells.

You know,

I've talked about this before.

But our cars,

Some of the new trucks look very foreboding,

You know.

Yeah,

But the answer is in the heart.

Right.

Okay,

Good.

And the mantra is always a very good place to play,

Always,

You guys.

Just go to the mantra.

Or Lokaha Samastha.

You know,

One of the biggest mistakes,

Or it's not a mistake,

It's where our egos grab us,

Is we feel there's something bad if we're in pain.

Yeah.

And there's nothing bad.

It's not our fault.

If we're,

Be with our pain,

And we turn to the Creator,

Ask for help.

Our hearts will open,

And we'll be helped.

Laura.

Yeah,

Go ahead.

I just want to thank you.

Everything happened last week,

Just as you said,

To stay true to Laura,

No matter what.

And I didn't manipulate.

I ended up canceling two of my appointments.

And I found the third appointment that a devotee took me,

And I'm going to go there in a couple of weeks and do assisted living.

And I can see how Alma orchestrated everything,

So I can't wait to get there.

Yeah.

Which is funny,

Because I was so resistant before.

And you always say,

Something beyond me is doing it.

Something beyond me.

Right.

And yeah,

That's what's happening.

So thank you.

Right.

Good.

So remember,

Last week,

And Laura was talking about manipulating her friend.

Now,

This is,

You guys,

This is what I did.

It's like,

I just faced everything,

Full frontal.

What is the highest good?

I didn't manipulate.

I waited to get the guidance about how to solve a situation.

And I didn't do any kind of damage control things.

I just stayed true to what does my soul want?

What's wanting to come through?

Okay.

Now,

This is what takes courage,

Because we can look like fools.

And we might think that the solution isn't going to come.

But if we stand at the door of our heart knocking,

So that's where a true seeker stands.

They stand at the door of their own heart,

Knocking,

Asking for the door to the soul energy to open.

And sometimes the door's stuck.

So you get a difficult situation.

And the ego will say,

Yeah,

Manipulate,

Do all the tricks.

To get out of it.

But the only person you're avoiding is yourself.

Your true nature,

You know?

This is what's so challenging about the journey and about our human relationships.

Yeah.

But I'll tell you that this is the way you embody.

You can't embody without having these challenges and living through them.

And there's something I really want to speak to you guys about is always keep an eye open for the ego tricks.

Okay?

So it's not to be down on yourselves,

Which is what so many of you do.

You just feel bad about yourselves.

What I'm wanting is feel good about yourself,

But see your ego tricks.

Okay.

So Anna,

Sorry,

Sweetie.

This is exhibit A.

So Anna had told me that she felt uncomfortable with the audio about the Lao Tzu that I recommend she listen to.

And she said,

She wrote me an email saying,

Oh,

Yeah,

It,

You know,

Upset her doership.

Right?

Which is a very high-level,

Non-dual term.

And this is where non-dualists get lost.

They'll actually leave their heart.

And it's like the ego.

The ego will go,

Oh,

The old way won't work.

I've got to put on a different cloak.

I've got to put on the spiritual journey cloak and talk in spiritual terms and keep the same tricks going.

So,

You know,

I've had a lot of experience working with people on the journey.

And one of them is they feel uncomfortable about themselves.

And they'd send an email to me that looks like self-awareness,

Awareness of the tricks,

But really by sending me an email,

They're wanting mom to accept them rather than do the harder work of the self-acceptance.

Okay.

And so many people over the years,

And this is where I got really duped.

They would just stop there because they told mom about it.

They'd confess to mom.

And it's like,

That just freezes it.

It doesn't.

And I would be thinking,

Oh,

They're doing that deeper work of,

You know,

They're going to take the next step of embracing it and feeling the sorrow of it and all that.

So,

Like,

You know,

I sent an email back to Anna because I've got so many white hairs and,

You know,

Bless her heart,

She got it immediately,

What my point was.

You see,

If it's true,

Our bodies get it.

We go,

Oh,

That's so true.

But one of the things that,

You know,

It's really important to be alert to the tricks of the ego.

It's like living,

It's like we live with these dictators.

We live with,

You know,

Mussolini or,

You know,

Worse.

Oh,

Osama Bin Laden.

Oh,

It's the ego is just like a dark tyrant.

Yeah.

So,

You know,

The joke,

You know,

Where I've talked about how spiritual seekers think it's a snake,

But it's really just a rope.

But the reason we think it's a snake is we're looking through the eyes of the tyrant.

We're looking through the eyes of the ego,

The tyrant inside us who thinks that life is dangerous,

It's threatening.

Love is the worst.

And when we're looking through the eyes of our heart,

We see there's no threat.

It's all love.

And what we thought was a snake was a piece of rope.

So,

You guys,

Seekers tend to see the snake in the outside world,

But they don't see how the snake of the ego tricks them inside themselves.

It's like we've got these,

We're wearing the glasses that make us see a snake when there's only a rope.

Yeah.

You know,

In the old days,

When,

Say,

The seeker would do this,

Send me an email and I thought I got them.

In the old days,

When I saw that they weren't making progress,

I'd react with anger.

It's like,

Ah,

Come on,

You're duping me.

Come on,

Come on.

And now it's like,

There isn't any anger.

And that's my progress.

That's my progress.

See,

It's a very deep inward journey.

You really have to look at yourselves.

And the trouble is,

You guys,

You don't want to because you feel bad about yourselves.

So,

You think if you look inside that you're going to be overwhelmed with garbage and it's like,

That's your ego telling you that.

If you don't see your tricks,

You're just going to be stuck,

You guys.

Yeah.

Well,

I shouldn't say that because you'll get dreams.

You know what?

You'll get dreams.

The universe will help you.

Your soul will help you.

You'll have dreams or you'll like,

I don't know,

Do what happened to me.

Like,

You have to get a hip replacement so you're faced with yourself for years and years.

You're walking around like a cripple,

All these things,

You know,

They help us face ourselves.

But you see,

If you know the tricks of your ego,

Then you can navigate better.

You can walk way faster.

That's why I talk to you guys like to,

You know,

With some of you,

I've been able to say,

Hey,

Look,

You've got these past lives that were really tough.

You're going to notice that you've,

That you have the expectation of brutality or you have the expectation of difficulty.

But it's not real.

And it can be healed over time.

Right.

That's important.

Okay.

This,

It can be healed over time.

Okay.

Remember this.

It gets healed over time.

You are not the doer.

Something beyond you is orchestrating your journey.

And over time,

You transform.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

You just do,

And you can see it.

You can see it.

Just if you think of yourself five years ago,

Three years ago.

Inge,

Do you have any questions?

Yeah.

Or you can't talk?

Hmm.

Maybe now.

Do you hear me now?

Yes.

Yeah,

I can hear you.

I don't know how it happened.

Maybe Anna did something.

I don't know.

Okay,

Good.

Well,

There you go.

I can't hear you,

But I just talk.

Yeah.

I want to say thank you to all the ones that are here.

Thank you for your talking the last weeks,

Even when I wasn't there.

I listened to the questions and answers and the satsangs after.

And always there was something that was touched inside of me.

And I'm so grateful that you walk these steps and that I can walk the steps with you too.

So thank you therefore.

And Premasura,

Maybe you have talked about it someday.

I haven't heard it till now,

But there is a story that Jesus was telling with,

I don't know,

10 people carrying lights without oil and 10 people carrying lights with oil in it.

And there is something to be prepared.

Do you know the story?

No.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Since I heard the story,

I always have the feeling that I might not be prepared for whatever happens and that I'm doing too less and so on and that I'm too lazy and I should do the practice.

I know a lot of things,

What I should do,

What I could do.

And then I start fighting with myself because I'm not taking action a long time.

And then I was so happy to hear from you that I'm allowed to go the wild way and do it here and there and this and then,

From however it comes or even sit and go deeper and look and learn.

And so there's always this insecureness.

Is this ego talking or is this learning to find my way to go?

So,

Yeah.

The big thing is being disorientated.

And I have the feeling that this disorientation is a trick of my ego.

It makes me confused and everything,

Using feeling guilty or I should do more,

I should act more,

I should practice more.

Yeah,

I don't know.

And what you see now is this net of confusion that I'm in.

Yes.

Okay,

Good.

And is this ego or is this learning process?

Okay.

So,

But you can't hear me,

So you'll have to hear this afterwards,

Right?

Or you can hear now.

You can hear me now?

Yes,

Now I hear you.

Okay,

Okay,

Good.

So,

Anne sent a message about what the story is.

So,

Anne,

Can you tell us that about the story with the lights?

You knew it,

Wasn't it you who said,

Can you tell the story?

Anne,

You had some writing that said that you knew the story or Atiba,

Is it Atiba?

I don't know what's going on.

Okay,

Atiba,

Did you?

Yes,

I sent a message.

Can you hear me?

Oh,

Okay,

Good.

Yes.

Yeah,

I'm sorry.

I had to put the headphone on.

Otherwise,

You cannot hear me.

That's why.

Tell us what the story is.

Yes.

So,

I don't know how many,

But there are virgins preparing for the wedding.

I mean,

They won't get wedded to the broom,

But they are guests.

And half of them,

They prepare the lamps with enough oil,

Because they don't know when the broom will come.

It's in the middle of the night,

And so they get some extra oil just in case.

And half of the virgins don't do that.

They just bring the lamp and they don't have any extra oil.

And so,

Half of the group tells to the other virgins,

Go home and get some extra oil.

You know,

It might not be enough.

And then your lamps will go out.

And so,

They do.

The virgins who do not have the extra oil,

They go home,

And now the broom comes and they miss him.

Oh,

God.

And the cautious virgins,

So to say,

Or the virgins well prepared,

They are invited to come to the broom and to the wedding and can enjoy the guests.

So,

As far as I understood it from the way Jesus put it was that it's just the alert.

He tells us to be alert,

Because on another part of the text,

He says,

You never know when God comes,

So to say,

Or when the divine comes.

So,

Please be alert in any moment.

So,

That was probably the message from it to to be prepared in any moment,

Because the divine could come and knock at our doors in any moment.

Right.

And the oil was at home,

Though.

So,

It means I also feel that there's enough experience in the connection to the heart,

That there's enough faith and enough spiritual experience to be able to keep the flame going and going and going and going.

Do you see?

It's the oils,

The fuel for the flame.

It's,

It is this,

The well-lived spiritual journey that is the oil that makes the flame.

It's like being casual or superficial.

Yeah,

There's no depth.

The light goes out really quickly.

Mm-hmm.

Right.

And Amma says that about,

You know,

Keeping your house beautiful,

Prepared,

Prepared to receive God every moment.

You know,

The awakening often occurs during the 30s,

And it will be one day.

Something happens on one day,

And the person either says yes or no,

And on that steers their whole life.

But occasionally,

It can happen,

Even if the person said no then,

Later in life,

As old age approaches,

Person can say yes then.

But it,

Again,

It's just,

Yeah,

You can miss it if you're very preoccupied or really caught in judgment or if you dis yourself,

You don't respect yourself enough to even see that there's a choice to come to God or not.

Inge,

You know,

What you go through,

What you're coming from is basically what happens to women in the patriarchy.

Like,

They turn against their wisdom.

They doubt their inner connection.

They doubt the feminine wisdom that's coming up.

And so,

They go round in static,

And they're always second-guessing themselves,

And it keeps them small and feeling bad about themselves,

And it keeps them like a leaf blowing in the wind.

It keeps them like a bit of thinking that they're just a bit of flotsam and jetsam.

Right.

And that is where women have played for centuries.

And the more love power we've got that we're turning away from,

The heavier the static will be,

And the more chaotic our lives will get.

Okay.

Yeah.

So,

You know,

I mean,

A lot of women live like this.

This is what women look like,

Really.

So,

Okay,

It's kind of like there's a deep sorrow in you about this.

Right.

Right.

And you can feel it.

Right.

It's not a self-pity thing.

It's a deep sorrow at being so disconnected from our truth.

It takes a lot of courage to feel it,

But it will bring you into truth.

The other thing is if you just get that your mind gets so busy just to keep yourself small.

You know,

If you really get that,

Your mind won't be able to keep you so busy.

You see,

This is what I mean.

It's decoding the ego,

Seeing what the ego does to us.

Right.

In fact,

I think you'll feel a difference with just exposing this in front of the group.

Right.

And,

You know,

Sometimes we want to get mad at somebody else,

But it's again,

Well,

Sometimes we need to,

But sometimes we just need to see that it's kind of that we're just in this.

There's no one to blame.

You can feel the anger.

Sometimes,

You see,

The other side of this is we can think somebody is keeping us hostage.

This is often what's going on,

But not always,

Not always.

Not always.

So we can feel rage at our partners or rage at whoever we think is keeping us,

But it's,

You know,

You can feel all that,

But that's not the answer.

It's not the answer.

It's feel the deep sorrow.

And then as you come into clarity about what actions are good for you,

Then you do them more.

See,

You could also ask,

You see,

Okay,

I feel it.

You need to decode yourself more.

Okay.

So you could ask the universe to show you why you resist,

Say,

Spiritual practices.

Yeah.

I can just ask.

Just ask.

Right.

Just go embrace the whole thing softly.

Just ask.

Also realize that,

You know,

Every moment really is a spiritual practice.

Okay.

I can feel it.

I can feel it.

I have told others that I felt this in them.

I can feel this split in you.

It's at a really deep level,

And this is part of what's bothering you.

Yeah.

It's a split right round your true feminine consciousness and about allowing it.

Right.

I'm frightened.

Frightened what?

I'm frightened.

I'm frightened to feel it.

Okay,

Good.

I'm,

Yeah,

I,

Yeah.

Okay,

That's the truth.

It's okay.

That's the truth.

But,

You know,

So,

Okay,

So you're frightened to feel the split,

And so that's why you spin around in the static and feel bad about yourself.

So,

That's.

That's crazy.

Okay.

You guys,

This is it.

I know.

This is why it's so important to stand at the door of your heart and just keep knocking.

That's it.

You know,

Inga,

It's just your love wanting to come through.

It's like,

You know,

That's why you love me,

Because I can see the love in you,

Right?

And I'm always going,

And let it through.

Listen,

Sweetie,

I had at least as many tricks as you.

I get it.

I had these splits,

You guys,

That I can see in you.

I had them.

That's where this knowledge came from.

Yeah.

And also,

You know,

We see we're scared of allowing the healing,

And then this shows us our level of sincerity.

I mean,

I know it's like the exposure.

Inga,

It's really good.

This is for,

This applies to everybody,

You guys.

Inga,

It's not just you.

It's like you're giving the whole group a beautiful,

Beautiful gift,

Believe me,

Because everybody does that.

Everybody's got the static.

Everybody's scared of the deeper truth within and the splits.

And Westerners,

We're split,

You know?

Yeah,

We are.

Yeah.

Until we unite around the heart.

What happens is we split off,

And our consciousness gets a whole bunch of little boxes,

Little boxes of beliefs and everything that are just sitting there often arguing with each other and just kind of a chaotic set of beliefs that don't even agree with each other.

That's our state in the West.

But what happens is when you,

You can unite around the heart.

You unite in devotion,

You guys.

That is what unites us.

Devotion.

Devotion to something beyond us.

Devotion to love.

Devotion to truth.

We will unite around that.

Yeah.

Unite,

We will unite in service to,

In opening to our own souls.

This is what we feel is not allowed.

We have to be patient with ourselves.

It's why people will say completely different things,

Completely different things,

Depending on who they're talking to.

Yeah,

Because we've got a whole bunch of little boxes,

And somebody opens in the company of one person,

Of one particular person,

A certain box opens,

And we speak from that.

Or with somebody else,

A different box opens,

And we speak from that.

A truly awake person,

Or a true seeker,

Actually,

Speaks the same to everybody.

Yeah,

They don't change.

I don't change.

My words change,

Depending on who I'm speaking to.

But I speak from this united in unites.

Finally,

After years of what you're talking about,

Inga,

Years and years of it,

I know it well.

All the stuff you guys talk about,

Know it well.

Yeah.

It's just healable.

Yeah.

It's just healable.

And,

You know,

It's healable when you want it more than anything else.

Okay,

This is the rub,

You guys.

But it's like careers.

Alma says,

Our journeys are like careers.

You know,

You only make progress in a career when you really want it.

You think about it.

And sure,

Luck,

You know,

Grace happens.

But it's being well prepared.

It's having the oil on the light.

A career person,

You see it in careers.

Somebody who's really well prepared,

And they've got oil in their light.

And they accelerate,

And they rise to challenges,

And they,

You know,

Receive the grace when it comes to and a person who's not well prepared,

Who's not so focused,

You know,

They won't be prepared for the rigors of the journey.

Yeah.

You guys,

You're all of you.

Okay,

I could say all of you across the board,

Your greatest Achilles heel is what?

Okay,

What is it?

Can somebody?

What is all of your biggest Achilles heel?

Anna,

Do you know?

I can just speak for myself.

I think my biggest Achilles heel is my vulnerability.

I don't want to be vulnerable.

I don't want to feel pain.

So,

Yeah.

Right.

And it's a generic cover all of you guys are wearing.

Jenna,

Do you know what it is?

You're right,

Anna,

But that's not quite what I'm looking for.

Jenna,

Do you know what it is?

I think it's feeling bad about ourselves.

That's it.

Okay,

Because that makes the ego unassailable.

You're a miserable sinner.

That's the way you are.

So,

There's no decoding or anything.

You're just a piece of crap.

And in that,

You can avoid your vulnerability,

The real vulnerability,

Your true nakedness before God.

You avoid it.

The true nakedness before God,

You avoid it with feeling bad about yourself.

Okay,

It's right across the board.

Right.

So,

You guys,

Please understand.

It's like we're like a bunch of abused children who've been moved into another family,

And the family's trying to communicate to us that we're loved,

But we're so used to,

You know,

All of our trouble and turmoil.

You know,

It takes time for the child to relax.

So,

This is with all of you.

Right.

Right.

And,

You know,

You guys,

You know,

For me,

I just got,

There was so no solution apart from extreme compassion for myself.

See,

My ego was so huge.

It was so unfixable.

Like,

You guys feel about yourselves.

I'm telling you,

There's a doorway to self-love and compassion.

Yeah,

There's just this doorway.

I mean,

That's why you guys love me.

You know,

It's kind of like,

You know,

It's kind of like,

I'm like,

Oh,

It's heartbreaking for me,

You know,

To watch you struggle.

And then,

You know,

With some of the tricks,

And then I'll call you on the tricks,

And then everybody gets heart,

Their broken heart,

You know,

And it's like,

Oh,

God.

It's just like working with abused kids,

Really,

Totally.

And I was one,

Too.

This is,

You guys,

This is why,

You know,

Think that in humanity,

That we've been hearing for decades about how there's so much help coming to humanity at this time.

You know,

We've got Amma,

Mira,

There's so many others who have come specially to help us with this,

Really,

With this.

Humanity,

As a whole,

Struggles with this so badly.

But we've got all this extra help.

And even with this extra help,

It's like,

I mean,

Yeah,

Look at us,

You know,

With all this extra help.

You know,

Human,

Human beings,

Caucasians,

Particularly,

You know,

With all the body work I've done,

I felt so the different qualities of the different races.

So,

You know,

Truly,

If Black people,

There's a level that when I touch their bodies,

It's like,

It feels like they're closer to nature than we are,

Than Caucasians.

It's just there.

Okay.

And,

You know,

On the other side of it,

They've had such a hard time that sometimes there's a resistance in there as well.

But the bottom line is this incredible connection to nature.

In Caucasians,

You guys,

You know,

What I felt in myself and I felt in our bodies is our defensiveness.

And I don't know whether it's because we got white skin,

So we get sunburned in the light,

Or we got white skin,

So we've been in the temperate climates.

And,

You know,

We don't have three crops a year,

We have to,

It's a harder life,

We have more physical challenges,

And life feels maybe less unconditionally loving.

But I'll tell you,

This defensiveness,

I feel like it's the downfall of our Caucasians.

Truly,

And it was the hardest thing for me to overcome in myself.

It's feeling like it was a snake out there,

Not a rope.

And seeing,

Feeling like it was unsafe and seeing people's egos.

And,

You know,

Having real trouble seeing my own at first.

But if you can see your own defensiveness at the love within you,

You can heal.

Really,

If you can see it,

If you can just see the defensiveness and feel how much it like it doesn't work for you,

And you can tell me about it till the cows come home,

But I can't,

I can't do the surrender for you.

But I'll tell you,

In this self-exposure,

This self-exposure,

Inga,

This is it.

The whole point of a group and a satsang is,

Because if you can stand naked in front of the satsang,

You can stand naked in front of God.

Do you get it?

Yeah,

You're willing to take all your clothes off,

Show your vulnerability here,

And you're,

At the same time,

You're doing it in front of God,

And this is healing you,

And this is healing our defensiveness.

Because there's nothing to defend against,

Really.

There are things to see.

You know,

To be aware of.

And it's like,

If you're aware of rocks in your path,

You avoid them.

Right.

Okay.

I'm feeling this defensiveness against the God in you,

Inga.

Oh,

Sweetie pie,

And it feels so big to you,

Doesn't it?

I can feel how big it feels to you,

Right?

And I can feel that and I can feel that there are six lives very involved in this,

Particularly six lives.

I'm just,

Right,

And it's a little bit like you want this life to be the life that you come through all this,

But you're not quite sure that you're,

It's like you're not quite sure.

Does this make sense to you?

Right,

Right.

It's like you're scared.

It's like you're scared the cost will be too great.

In the moment,

I'm totally scared that I'm not doing it good enough.

With all this help,

And we should make the shift in ourselves and become loving and everything that I'm not giving everything I should give more,

I should do more.

And the more I put that pressure on me,

The less I do it.

Okay,

So this is beautiful.

Okay,

Now stop for a minute,

Because this is a big life lesson,

You guys,

Big lesson for the journey.

That just all you can do is just take a picture of this state that you're in.

If you fight it,

It will get worse.

It's like taking a picture of it,

And at some point feeling the sorrow of it.

Because this is a picture of fear operating as self deprecation.

Okay,

There are seven ways that fear operates.

One of them is fear of lack.

There's,

I don't even want to.

Well,

Yeah,

And these people,

They will have,

It's what makes people be greedy.

Okay,

They'll feel like,

Oh,

I never have enough money.

I can't be true to myself,

Because I don't have enough money,

That kind of thing.

But what you're struggling with is what several people in this group struggle with fear of self deprecation.

You're never good enough.

There's nothing you can do about it.

You're never going to measure up.

Okay.

It is untrue,

But take a picture of it and feel what this does to you.

Right.

Yeah.

Right.

Pardon?

Totally blocks my movement.

Yeah.

I can't move.

No,

Exactly.

Okay.

I used to get,

One of my fears was fear of change.

Yeah.

So,

I really wanted to evolve,

But I would have this fear of actual changing,

And it would sabotage me.

And all I could do was take a picture of it,

Feel how stuck I was,

Feel how it just didn't solve anything,

Feel how trapped I was by it.

And I would go into great grief,

And it would clear.

But,

Sweetie,

When I say I went into great grief,

It was often a very messy process.

Don't think it was all sewn up in one afternoon.

But,

Sweetie pie,

This level of facing fear is,

You know,

About 5% of all the spiritual seekers in the world are willing to do it.

5 to 10% are willing.

It's to actually have the fear cleared.

Most seekers just go around with the fear.

They don't confront it.

They just let it run things.

Okay.

So,

I want you to understand,

You don't have to,

Like,

I can feel you're going,

You're going like,

Oh,

I'm one of those.

I'm one of the people that don't confront it.

I'm one of those.

And it's like,

Sweetie pie,

You're talking,

You're taking all your clothes off in front of the sat saying,

I'll tell you,

You're a sincere seeker.

All right.

Right.

It can take years to do this.

It's not done overnight.

Just knowing today,

Like just knowing that the static stuff comes from this fear of self-deprecation.

Just seeing how this self-deprecation weaves in your life,

Seeing it in stark relief,

How much it cuts off your joy,

How much it makes you distrust yourself.

Just seeing this is good work.

This is taking a photo,

Just seeing it.

Don't try to fix it.

When you say fix something,

Can you give me an example?

Is it trying to understand it with the head or what means the fixing?

Can you give me an example?

See?

Okay.

So,

What Inge is doing is her ego wants to avoid getting this.

So,

She's gone up into her head and she's asking me to meet her at the head level.

And I'm not going to do that,

Sweetie.

Okay.

The answer is,

It's exactly what you do.

You go forward with an attitude of trying to fix yourself.

I mean,

That's why you find so much fault in yourself.

Yeah.

Okay.

You've got it.

Everybody else will be able to see it.

This is your come-to-Jesus moment.

It's like,

And you're scared to do it,

Because if you actually get this,

You're going to have to change.

So,

Part of you is like,

No,

I don't want to get this.

It's okay.

Everybody loves you.

Everybody sees themself in you.

Yeah.

This is so what happens with everybody.

Sweetie.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Look at the hearts that Anna's releasing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And everybody.

Yeah.

Sweetie,

This is what we're like.

Mm.

Yeah.

That's good.

Okay,

Good.

I feel a softening.

I felt a softening there.

Yeah.

And as soon as I said it,

There was like a return to the hardness,

But that's okay.

It softened.

It softened.

I felt it softened.

It's a softening around some of your concrete thinking too.

It's good.

Yeah.

I know this journey.

This is why you guys,

We get as far as our soul does it.

Like our soul,

My soul did this.

My soul decided that this is it.

Truly,

I didn't do it.

Yeah.

So we are all where our soul wants us to be.

And our soul will move us if we're meant to move.

But I'll tell you,

I can feel a softening around these six lives.

It's like,

You don't believe it quite so much anymore after this,

After this exposure,

I can feel it.

So it's inarguable.

I can feel it.

I mean,

Your ego's kind of trying to do damage control,

But it's like,

It's nothing.

It's been exposed.

So you will not be able to go right back to the status quo.

There'll be at least 1% difference and maybe more.

Yeah.

You see,

It's like,

You see,

It's beyond you.

It's done by something beyond you.

Right?

I mean,

It's just,

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's it.

I just don't understand it.

Is it that?

So that I relax into not understanding?

Because everybody can see what you're doing.

It's okay.

Your ego's like,

Just trying to grab hold of it.

And you can't.

Okay.

What will happen is you'll see after.

Okay.

After this satsang,

You will feel the effects and your,

Your comprehension will come after.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah.

So just stay aware and notice the effects.

Notice if it helped notice any changes.

And that's your data.

You guys,

That's,

That's your data.

That's what makes,

Okay.

This is how mud,

The mud of the Lotus turns into the awareness.

In a struggle with the mud,

Then we've worked with the satsang and there's been this shift into a bigger awareness.

And as Inga validates this in her experience,

Her awareness goes up.

The,

The,

The spiritual journey is lived you guys.

We live it.

It gets done in our lives.

It's funny,

Inga,

Your soul wants me to tell you that you're an exceptional student in a good way,

Which is true.

It's true.

You are.

You are.

Uh-huh.

You have an incredibly deep comprehension inside you.

An incredibly deep loving spirit that can no longer be contained.

Truly.

Yeah.

Right.

And you know that I'm just speaking the truth,

Right?

I don't know.

Huh?

Say,

I don't want to know.

Yeah.

Come on,

Say it.

Say,

I don't want to know.

Um,

I don't want to know.

I know you said it as a question.

I want you to say it as a statement as fact,

Because it's true.

So say,

I don't want to know.

I don't want to know.

Yeah,

You don't.

Yeah.

Right.

There's part of you in your shadow side there that just doesn't want to know.

Mm-hmm.

Ah,

And you just put words to it.

Mm-hmm.

Right.

Now you'll want to blame yourself,

But actually,

You were just helped into self-acceptance there.

They just accept.

It's like one of the boxes floating around is,

I don't want to accept myself.

So we just opened that box and emptied it by speaking it.

You integrated it.

Sure,

There was part of you and your ego that didn't want to know.

But it's weaker now,

That part.

Sweetie,

Where do you think the world is amuck with dictators right now?

Why is this happening?

Because this is what is operating inside us,

Okay?

So it's like if you have the courage to see the inner machinations of this inner dictator,

If enough of us do,

We could have a wonderful world.

Yeah.

Right.

Right.

And we're all contaminated by it,

No?

This is the work,

Yeah.

So how do you feel right now?

A little shaky and frightened of stepping forward,

Frightened of experiencing something big and strength and power and frightened of doing something wrong.

Right.

But that,

Yeah,

Just like maybe stepping somewhere new.

Right.

So you're going into your head with it rather than just being with it.

So everybody could see that you were getting caught in your ego again.

You were taking this growth and your ego was like trying to grab it.

Yeah.

This is what we're like.

There's nothing going to happen afterwards.

It's not going to be a big breakthrough,

Sweetie.

Yes,

You've done it.

You've done the breakthrough.

There's no event that's going to happen after this.

You're just going to see what you did.

You're going to see the shift you already made.

Right.

Right.

So how do you feel right now?

I'm still in my head,

Still trying to understand what I should learn or what I should do.

I think that I can realize my trying to understand as a box and that I can't get what is happening outside the box.

Yeah.

What I see is like you're ambivalent about really letting yourself grow out of it this life.

Yeah.

I did not.

No,

I bet you didn't.

You're ambivalent about letting yourself grow beyond this,

This life.

Beyond this,

This life.

Yeah.

And yeah,

That's the truth of it,

Sweetie.

So just,

You know,

Just be with all the data I've given you,

Including this last bit.

It's not you're a bad girl.

It's just that,

That's,

You are ambivalent about growing beyond it.

Yeah.

And to hear that makes me totally sad.

Yeah,

It should.

So there's two parts.

Fighting.

You could feel the deep sorrow of it over time.

If you feel the deep sorrow of being stuck like this,

You will move through it.

And I'll tell you,

Next life,

You might not have a teacher available,

You know?

Right.

So it's kind of like,

But you know,

You can't pound yourself.

You just have to be with the truth of where you are.

But you guys,

I'm going to get blunter and blunter about stuff.

I'm telling you,

Because there's no point otherwise.

So I feel a lot of compassion.

You're in kind of the most painful place a person can be with this ambivalence.

And I will speak to Amma,

You know,

And ask for her to help you.

And Sweetie Pie,

You know,

I had to feel tremendous sorrow about all my tricks,

You know?

That's how you get here.

You look a little crushed.

I hope you,

I hope you,

You know,

Because I'm just so sorry.

I don't understand.

No.

No,

But your soul does.

Yeah,

Okay.

Yeah,

Your soul does.

And you don't have to be sorry.

It's not,

It doesn't have anything to do with me,

Sweetie.

It's just your choice for your life.

And I'm just kind of a passerby,

And I'm showing,

Shining light.

Yeah.

Passerby with very much unconditional love,

Shining a light.

You don't have to be sorry.

It's not,

It doesn't have anything to do with me,

Sweetie.

It's just your choice for your life.

And I'm just kind of a passerby,

And I'm showing,

Shining light.

Yeah.

Passerby with very much unconditional love,

Shining a light.

Yeah.

There's nothing you have to do,

Inga.

You know,

Don't think there's anything you have to do.

Just be with all of this.

Remember,

The static is just coming.

It's not real.

Just witness it.

It's already happened.

The thing is,

You guys,

If you come to sad sayings,

You see,

If you come to sad sayings and refuse to grow,

What will happen is you will feel worse.

Okay,

So I just want to make that clear.

It's,

We,

Yeah,

That if you,

If you don't move forward with it,

You will actually feel worse.

So,

You know,

That feeling of it getting worse,

People do two things.

They either stop coming,

Or they,

It propels them through it.

You know,

They feel worse and worse and worse until they,

They just make a shift.

You know,

If you're,

If you realize that you're sitting on a hot stove,

And you start feeling the pain of it,

You jump off.

So,

When you come to sad sayings,

Remember,

You guys,

You know,

If you refuse to come along,

You will feel worse.

But remember that feeling of the pain getting worse could propel you through.

There's nothing you have to do,

Inga.

You know,

Don't think there's anything you have to do.

Just be with all of this.

Remember,

The static is just coming.

It's not real.

Just witness it.

It's funny,

I even lost the internet over that,

About the propelling,

The pain propels us through these doorways,

That if we didn't get to that high level of pain,

We would still,

We would play in the tricks of the ego till the cows come home.

So,

If the,

If the soul's had enough of the tricks and everything,

And it's time for you to move through,

It will turn up the pain exponentially.

Beyond anything you might have ever experienced before,

It will just turn the heat way up.

And then you go through the door.

Okay,

So you see,

This is the game.

You can't really get out of it.

If you try to resist,

The pain goes up.

The pain and chaos.

Yeah.

So,

That's the great safety of the whole thing.

Yeah.

It's easy for me to say,

Because I'll tell you,

I'm not in pain anymore.

Really.

That's what happens,

You guys.

You get this bliss.

You get this,

You get how you used to feel as a kid when you were really,

Really happy.

It's like that all the time.

But please,

I want you to understand that if you're resisting,

The pain and the chaos will go up and up and up.

And it may get to the point where you are,

It is just impossible to endure anymore.

And then you surrender.

You do.

You end up surrendering because you cannot hold on anymore.

Because your soul is just not having it.

Your soul's just decided that your ego's going to,

Like,

You're going to get through this,

This life,

And so you will.

It's just how much kicking and screaming do you want to do.

And the seasoned seeker learns how to just genuflect right away.

First sign of pain.

Okay.

Surrender.

This is a joke.

So you guys don't feel bad about yourselves.

And don't feel bad about yourselves if you're in pain.

This is how it works.

It's just like with a little kid,

He's not behaving.

The parent ups the punishment.

The kid starts behaving.

Same principle with us.

Pain is a punishment,

But we don't listen to anything else.

Okay?

We don't.

The human history is testament to this.

We listen and learn when the pain gets high.

So Inga,

That's how it's going to go for you.

Like,

If you want to keep attending satsangs,

You will end up surrendering.

The pain will get higher and higher and higher,

And you'll end up surrendering.

You know,

It's okay.

It all has a happy ending.

It's a rope,

Not a snake.

You know,

When the pain's high,

We think,

Oh,

It's a snake.

But then we surrender,

Ah,

It's just a rope.

Yeah.

And this very feminine perspective that I've just given you about the pain and the surrender and everything,

This needs to be,

If this was understood,

And if more spiritual teachers spoke about this,

I feel the evolution all across the world would accelerate because this is the part of the disowned feminine.

What I'm bringing forward is the feminine comprehension coming through the feminine with this high emotional IQ,

And we need it so much.

And when you get it,

It speeds your journey exponentially.

When you get that your true feminine understanding is allowed,

And in guys too,

Though,

When they understand this wisdom of the heart is allowed,

The journey just accelerates.

Okay.

Well,

This has been a little bit like an Olympic.

It's a big,

It's a big satsang.

Yeah.

Yeah.

A lot of climbing.

Yeah.

It's good.

Yeah.

Well done.

Well done.

Well done,

Inge.

Well done,

All of you.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Good work,

You know.

May we just all grow and me and Michael,

May the world just have a softer landing that looks like we're gonna have,

You know.

Can we just rise to this?

Yeah.

Okay.

Oh,

So many blessings.

Yeah.