The Search For The Holy Grail Is An Internal Journey

Hello,

Everyone.

Many blessings to dear souls.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No blessings.

So this is a big set saying,

Well,

You know,

I don't know.

I was up at four o'clock.

Okay,

So four o'clock,

I was wide awake,

And thinking of you and beginning to cook.

Yeah.

Because these are events.

They're spiritual events every time.

And for me as well.

There's so much I want to communicate to you.

And where have I lost my picture?

It's my picture.

Hold on.

I don't know why my pictures disappeared.

Anna.

Oh,

You're still here.

We can see you here.

Oh,

Okay.

It's not showing on my screen.

Okay.

Yeah,

There's a great deal to be communicated.

And may it help you live your lives in a truer way.

And I'm going to go to from a cultural story to our lived experience.

Because sometimes going up into our cultural stories,

Help our comprehension.

It's just like in India,

The stories of the,

You know,

The Gita and their myths and legends.

Well,

We have them in the West,

Too.

And they come at the journey a little bit differently,

Because we're more extroverted.

But our,

Our fables and legends have keys to the journey.

Okay.

So I want to talk about the Arthurian legend of the Holy Grail,

The search for the Holy Grail,

Because this is what you're doing.

Okay,

This is what we're on.

This is the hero's journey.

The search for the Holy Grail.

Now,

Maybe everybody knows that there was King Arthur and his round table of nights.

And there's the story of the Holy Grail.

Now the Grail was the cup out of which Jesus drank just in the Last Supper before his crucifixion.

So he was drinking from this goblet in total acceptance and an awareness of what was going to happen.

Okay,

So the story is,

Sir Galahad,

You know,

Searched for it.

And now,

Sir Galahad had great purity of heart.

And so he did,

In fact,

Find it.

Okay,

Now,

He was the most fearless knight in this way,

In this purity way.

And also,

He was the the bastard son of Sir Lancelot and,

I can't remember,

Alain.

So this is a symbol of,

For a spiritual seeker,

Being a little bit removed from the culture,

Do you know?

Like,

The bastard son in the old days,

That was kind of a serious thing.

But it kind of points to stepping back from the culture,

Not completely drinking the culture's Kool-Aid of how you're supposed to be as a person,

To have a slightly little bit of the outsider in your perspective.

Plus this purity of heart,

Which will give you enormous courage as a byproduct.

Real courage comes from purity of heart,

Because when your heart's really pure,

For example,

You see that,

You know,

The welfare of the whole planet depends on people awakening,

And you're one of them.

So it's our,

The more pure of heart we are,

The more we,

We love humanity so much that we go to the trouble of awakening.

Yeah,

That we put our energies there,

Not just on accumulation of things.

Okay,

So I'm going to repeat this,

You know,

He was a little bit removed from the culture,

From the culture's idea of how a person should live.

Because,

You know,

He's a bastard son,

And he had this purity of heart.

Okay,

So he finds the grail.

And the legend has it is he drank from the grail,

And immediately died and was greeted at heaven with great happiness and respect and lauded.

So,

You see,

It's like,

So he finds the grail,

Which carries accepting your fate.

It's like the soul's acceptance of your fate,

Christ accepted,

He knew what was going to happen.

Okay,

And then,

You know,

As you connect up with your soul,

And you drink from it,

Your ego dies.

So,

Galahad died and went to heaven.

You see,

But you guys,

The key to what I want to say to you is the grail is inside you.

Like,

Because it's the West,

We have a big myth about this heroic outward journey to find the physical grail.

But the whole symbolism of the journey pointing over and over again,

That the grail is,

It's our soul and it's our soul that helps us learn how to accept,

To come into acceptance of the outward circumstances or whatever happening to us.

It helps us do that,

Because our soul knows this is just an illusion,

It's not too serious.

And you know,

Galahad would die when he drank from it,

Because when the ego touches the soul,

The ego dies.

See,

I want to shine a light on this so that you can see.

Well,

Basically,

Because you see,

As I saw all this,

It helped build my trust in the truth of the spiritual journey.

You see,

I could see how it was woven,

Even into our legends that we're clueless about,

Like we're clueless that it has anything to do with the search for the true nature.

But when you see how it's woven into even the Western legends and stories,

It could help you surrender,

It helps you realize that this is the main game.

And it's not a game,

Of course.

Well,

It is kind of for our souls.

It's like their idea of a good time.

Yeah.

Another thing I read was,

You know,

This writer was saying,

Well,

Women don't have to go on the search for the grail,

They've already got it,

They never lose connection with it.

He was saying,

That's why it was a man searching for the grail.

Well,

I guess in the old days,

You know,

Where women,

You know,

Maybe with,

You know,

It's talking about the connection,

You give birth,

You tap into,

You can tap into true reality.

That way,

That when a woman has a child,

The bonding,

I mean,

She probably has never loved anybody as much as she loves the child that's just born.

I mean,

It's an oceanic,

Spiritual experience.

But women,

We've lost the grail,

Like we don't have it.

We're just,

It's the same for men and women.

You know,

We have to,

A woman has to go on the search for the grail too,

Although she'll do it in a different way.

But you see,

We all really have the grail,

The males have the grail,

The women have the grail.

It's in our hearts.

And then on another level,

On our culture conditioned level,

We've all lost the grail,

And we have to go and search for it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm feeling you all and there's a stillness.

There's a stillness in many of you that is new.

Or,

Let's just say it's different from last week.

And may this strength,

May this stillness be strengthened as we speak today.

Or as we meet,

You know,

As we meet in this energy of the heart,

As we meet in,

As our souls meet,

As our souls are meeting.

Yeah.

I'm asking Amma to bring great grace to all of you.

And may you open to her grace more and more as time goes on.

You know,

We open to grace as we realize it's a safe journey that we trust,

That we can trust.

Okay,

And this is bringing me to the next part of the satsang,

Which is how to live this.

How do we live this?

How do we actually live in truth?

How do we walk it?

And there's all kinds of different levels of walking it.

And I want you to please be very gentle with yourselves about this.

Like you're all sincere.

You're all sincere,

Sincere seekers.

So most of you err on the side of being too hard on yourselves by a long shot.

So that's why I want to talk about the being patient.

You see,

Your hearts are very patient with you.

Your,

Your heads are less patient.

So if you're not,

If you're being too hard on yourself,

You're caught in your head or in the labyrinth in your mind.

Remember,

If being too hard on ourselves worked,

The whole world would be enlightened.

Right.

Okay,

Good.

Good.

Good.

I'm feeling some of you.

Well,

There's a couple of things.

Some of you are getting restless.

And some of you are,

There's this shift into more patience,

Kind of a feeling of patience.

And even the ones who were restless.

That's it.

The next step is feeling into the patience.

That's it.

Yeah.

Right.

That's it.

Patient without being indulgent,

Without being self indulgent.

It's like parenting.

Parent is patient and firm at different times.

So we have to be that way with ourselves.

Okay.

So I want to talk about this moving into truth now.

So it is,

It is inevitably very confusing at times.

The reason it's confusing is the ego fusses and the vastness and patterns from other lives often still have some power.

So when we're steering towards embodying our true nature,

All this material gets thrown up.

Okay,

So again,

How to live it,

When this is happening.

It's basically having an attitude of just embracing your educational curriculum,

Meaning you know,

If you're feeling uncomfortable,

Or distressed,

This is part of your educational curriculum,

This life.

It's not something to be fixed.

It's something to be grown out of.

You cannot fix it.

Your ego and mind will want to fix it.

It's not solvable there.

What happens is,

You grow beyond it.

So the confusion turns into knowledge.

Like the mud of the lotus produces this beautiful lotus of higher awareness.

But again,

You know,

When speaking like this,

There's this gap between my words,

Maybe,

And what you experience when you're lying in your bed,

Totally confused.

The house is a mess,

Whatever,

You know.

It's just like that sometimes.

Just keep embracing it.

Keep the prayer.

Keep the prayer going.

Okay,

This is,

You know,

Especially for the people who are really walking it,

This will really make sense to you.

So in your life,

You stay present,

You observe,

You seek to embody truth,

And you ask the Creator for help.

Okay,

So you stay present,

And you observe all the time.

All the time,

You're observing what happens to you,

The events,

But you're also observing your thoughts at the same time.

You're observing your emotions all at the same time.

And you remain open for insight.

It's a tall order,

I know,

But I'll tell you,

If you wish to do it,

Your soul will just end up doing it for you,

You will get brought to it.

It will just happen.

So you might observe you doing the same mistake that you have made a million times.

So one of the big mistakes I've made in my time when I would speak to people,

I would tell spiritual secrets to people who had no real understanding of what I was talking about.

And I would see myself do it over and over again.

And I would catch it and give it over and it came from a separation of me.

It was like trying to heal a deep inner separation by making a phony bridge to somebody else.

Do you understand this?

I was trying to connect with them,

But I was selling my soul by doing it.

That's just,

You know,

I want to give you like these human examples so that you can connect it up in your own life,

Even if that the mistake you make is nothing like mine.

All these mistakes that come are basically because we're scared to really face the separation inside.

Because there's part of us that doesn't really think God exists.

So we make these false kind of bridges to others and also in ourselves,

We'll have false bridges and misunderstanding,

But so,

You know,

On the journey,

We we go through,

Goes the pendulum goes back and forth,

Joy to sorrow.

Okay.

So in sorrow,

We feel like,

Oh,

I'm such a mess.

This is terrible.

Whatever is happening is awful.

Okay.

So that's when to bring in your dispassion and go,

This is part of my curriculum.

May I handle it in the highest good way.

You know,

And to keep talking to your,

To the Creator,

To your heart,

Listening to your heart as you walk through it.

Now what happens as you do that,

The problem gets solved,

And the pendulum comes back to joy.

And then in joy,

We go,

Oh,

This is great.

God really exists.

I'm okay.

Oh,

I've got it all sewn up.

Oh,

I can do it.

Oh,

This isn't too hard.

I've got it.

I think I'm almost self realized.

I must be.

Well then,

Okay.

What will inevitably happen is the pendulum goes back to sorrow.

And you realize you don't have it sewn up at all,

That you were really deluded.

And you'll get kind of a correction.

And hopefully you let go of the ego that told you that it had all sewn up,

You let go of some of that.

You get more humble,

You go,

I really don't know what's going on.

I'm gonna like,

I'm gonna like,

Please help me.

I realize I'm a fool.

And then with that humble attitude,

Humble,

Open attitude,

You get brought back to joy.

See,

And it goes back and forth.

And what happens is,

The more you understand,

The bigger the the peace gets.

So even when the pendulum is going back and forth,

Your inner peace expands,

It gets bigger and bigger and bigger,

And you become more and more able just to watch without buying into the thoughts that are coming,

The emotions that are coming,

Or even the what looks like the danger of the outside situation.

Because you know that you're part of God,

That you're God in human form.

So you know that you're,

You can never die,

And you're totally safe.

Even if you have to get crucified,

You see,

This is back to the Holy Grail.

It's like Christ knew he was safe,

Even though he was facing crucifixion,

You guys.

Right.

Now that's real illumination.

I mean,

Even if you can just get a little bit of feeling of peace and safety,

That's very good work.

But you see,

To do what I'm talking about,

You have to let go enough that you realize that you're the pilgrim walking your journey on your own,

In the sense of you're a separate pilgrim.

There may be other pilgrims that you're really good friends with.

But you're a separate pilgrim.

But the great thing about the pilgrim is he's he's left on his journey,

Right?

So he's walking it.

He's,

He's,

He's staying aware and watching as the pendulum goes back and forth and back and forth.

See,

There are quite a lot of people I know who haven't even got to the pilgrim situation to the pilgrim spot of being able to then step forward on the journey,

They're still holding on to some kind of structure.

And it even can be almost ashram structure.

You see,

This is what is so confusing about the journey.

So they might be feel safe with this outer structure and safe with their meditation habits.

But if they haven't got to the point where they realize that they are responsible for their individual lives,

That they're a pilgrim.

You know,

Amma says,

If,

If we think she's just her body,

If we attach to her body,

That will bring us sorrow.

Yeah,

It will.

Because she is our divine aspect in human form.

She is our soul.

And she is reflecting back the existence of this soul to us,

To help us grow,

To help move us into trust.

It would have come from many lifetimes of yearning for us from us,

That this life,

We meet up with Amma or another authentic spiritual teacher.

I mean,

Amma is like,

Yeah,

She's,

But that's what it's come from,

From the yearning,

You see,

So it is the yearning,

Again,

That is so powerful.

The more you yearn for truth,

The more Amma,

Krishna,

Buddha can help us.

Please listen to this satsang afterwards.

And you may even like,

Even two or three times if you're motivated.

Yeah,

Because there's a lot of condensed wisdom in it.

It's like,

You know,

It's what this one was good at,

Even as a journalist,

I would take really complicated things and put them in to be able to communicate it in just a few sentences.

It's the same thing with this journey.

This has got a great deal of knowledge and what I'm saying to you,

But it's being packaged in a easy to understand way,

I hope.

That is what I hope.

So much.

Yeah.

That it becomes understandable.

And then as you understand it,

Then it will make it feel safer and safer to live it.

We're all these pilgrims walking,

Or we're all pilgrims climbing this mountain.

And on the spiritual mountain,

The rocky periods,

There's sheer cliffs where you go,

This is an impossible challenge,

I'm never going to solve this.

But your soul solves it.

So you end up climbing up this rock face.

And then maybe you come to a beautiful plateau of wild flowers and you go,

Oh,

I'm enlightened.

But it's not the top yet.

It's just where the pendulum has gone into joy.

You're in joy for a while.

Enjoy it.

Enjoy it.

Yeah,

It's it's proof.

It's it's your proof that the journey you know that the Creator is really there when you come into these sunshine periods it's like,

It's proof that it works.

But just don't go Oh,

I've got it all sewn up.

I'll tell you this one had a lot of trouble with that.

I think Oh,

I've got it now.

No.

Sorry,

Primasutha,

You don't.

Yeah.

So then I just get like,

You know,

Humble and okay,

Try again.

I mean,

What else could I do?

Like,

You couldn't step off the journey.

So yeah.

You know,

Almost as the journey to self realization is harder than we realize.

So just,

Again,

The patience and forbearance with yourself.

No,

Really,

Realistically,

Sometimes it takes more than one life.

I had a life as a,

In a,

In a monastery where I was a Buddhist monk.

I tried really hard that whole life.

I really did.

I tried so hard.

Yeah.

But I was too hooked in my mind to get it.

But we make some progress every life,

You know,

Is nothing wasted.

You know,

And the great wonder of it is supposing we really have a life where we just like screw up so badly.

I'm talking about like,

Just make every mistake in the book.

I'll tell you the next life.

We won't do any of that.

The amount of learning that can come from a life like that is huge.

In fact,

I'll tell you a big secret.

The more intense your pain,

The more you will remember the lesson for all your lives to understand so nothing is wasted.

If you get brought down into immense pain,

It's like,

You just never do that again.

Even at a soul level,

You just don't do it again.

Right?

That's how we grow.

That's one of the ways.

There's some of you who are feeling that the way you are living is,

Is on the verge of collapse,

Like the old way is almost on the verge of collapsing.

And you you just getting to the point where you can't do it anymore.

And do you know,

Just keep if this is true for you,

Just keep okay,

Then just kind of go with it.

Do you know,

Just go with it.

Okay,

Turn to the universe and go,

Okay.

Show me the way I'm living my life is coming to an end.

Show me how to live in a different way.

Some of you are getting very restless.

This is really funny.

It's like it's always just like right around the heart of things.

But this is what we're like.

Yeah,

If it's coming to an end,

It's for a new beginning,

A new enhanced beginning.

A beautiful beginning.

Yeah,

And just be patient with your confusion and your fears.

Remember,

Fear is so unpleasant,

But it's BS.

It's just it's nothing.

When you step out of it,

You go,

How could I ever have been so scared,

You know.

But it just is,

You know,

The fear just comes up when we're moving past our ego.

So it's,

It's a good sign in a way.

It means that you're moving.

Okay,

Again,

I'm moving into truth,

You will become the signs are you become more patient,

More equanimous.

You'll,

You become more generous.

And as you go higher,

You will become more relaxed.

Alma has said that a self realized person is as relaxed as they are when they're sleeping.

But they bring that into their life.

You know,

When,

When the,

The bomb,

The nuclear bomb dropped on Hiroshima,

Hiroshima,

Gandhi said that when he heard it,

He didn't blinch.

See,

What he was saying was,

He was so solid in truth,

That it didn't knock him off center.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So notice that in yourself,

If you,

If there are difficulties that come up and notice if you're just more peaceable about them.

You know,

Stuff that used to rock you then doesn't anymore.

That's progress.

Yeah,

And be patient,

You guys,

You know,

I'm speaking on decades older than most of you.

So you know,

Remember that.

Yeah,

You've got a long.

It's a long life.

You know,

Hopefully.

There's a fable I want to talk about,

Too.

It's an it's an old fashioned fable.

And it's talking about,

You know,

What's good and bad.

And I can't recall all of it.

But there was a man in the village,

And he,

His son lost his arm.

And all the people in the village said,

Oh,

That's so sad.

That's too bad.

It's terrible.

And the man said,

Well,

We'll see.

And then it became that there was a war started,

And then his son didn't have to go to war,

You see.

So everybody went to him and said,

Oh,

That's such good news.

Your son doesn't have to go.

And,

You know,

He said,

We'll see.

You know,

And something else happened.

I can't remember the rest.

I'll have to look it up.

But it was like whether the son turned to drink or something in his,

Because he didn't have to go to war,

Whatever.

Anyway,

We see the same thing happened,

Say with lottery winners.

Oh,

He won the lottery.

Great.

And this huge percentage of them that then go experience more sorrow afterwards,

And then say it was the worst thing that happened to them.

Do you see,

This is the events of our lives.

It's like,

We think things are good or bad.

But maybe it's the reverse.

And in a way,

It doesn't matter.

About whether an event is good or bad.

It's what we do with it.

How we handle it.

Whether our goal is to handle it in the highest good way,

Expressing Amma's true energy,

Expressing our soul energy,

Really rising to it,

Or whether we just stay on a very low level,

And we duke it out,

And we,

We're just being run by our ego.

That's it.

That's it.

Yeah,

There's a,

There's a,

Guys,

There's a beginning of an opening in you and in a deep place,

Like what I'm feeling is,

It's,

It's a closed energy.

And it's,

But it's an opening.

It's an opening line come and it's kind of like,

You know,

With,

With motherhood,

It's like,

You know,

I got out of my troubles for my boys,

I couldn't do it for me,

But I could do it for them.

And then as a byproduct,

I was healed to see.

And if I'm,

If a mom,

If we're going like,

You know,

We keep in mind are the souls of our children.

We keep in mind that we're taking care of these souls,

We want to take care of them in the highest good way.

Be the best mom we can be.

That will enhance the human race.

But don't do it.

I remember a channel saying to me,

You know,

Basically,

Janet,

You're trying to be too perfect,

You're trying to be too perfectly loving.

So you're like screwing up that way.

Don't do that.

Please just be human.

Like all we can do is our best,

Please,

You know,

This perfection thing,

Any,

Any desire for perfection,

Any focus on perfection,

Is ego,

It's fear,

It's coming out of fear,

Always,

My desire to be perfectly loving for my children was coming out of fear.

Our greatest gift is just ourselves,

You know,

Being ourselves in all our flaws,

And our,

Our wisdom and our everything,

Just ourselves,

It's the greatest gift we can give our children.

Or any other person,

Just our presence,

Really,

Because you see underneath all our flaws,

We're divine beings.

We're a total gift.

Right,

That's hard for you to understand,

I can feel that.

Yeah,

You just keep climbing the mountain,

And you'll,

You'll,

You'll,

You'll see it more and more.

It's just like the people,

You know,

Maybe the people who are causing us sorrow.

And,

And maybe they're caught in their ego because of it.

But it's the great gift of,

They're giving us the great gift of helping us out of our egos by having to deal with them.

Yeah.

We all love each other underneath.

We're all one underneath.

Even our worst enemy.

We're all one.

So it's to allow the deepening.

Yeah.

And it's funny with people because it's like this with what I want to communicate is that you're so beautiful.

Just as you are just doing your best.

But then also do your best,

You know.

You know,

It's not,

You know,

This,

This spiritual journey is why we're here.

It's not just a hobby.

You know,

It's why we're here.

I think it's that I want to communicate.

And if you get that it's not a hobby and it's why we're here,

You will make more progress than if you have it as it's a hobby.

Remember,

You guys,

It's already happened.

You know,

The only reason why that becomes understandable is what happens is as you go up the journey,

You let go of thought.

You just don't think anymore like you used to.

You're not walking around in a labyrinth of thought.

You're in the garden.

And so you're not thinking intellectually.

You just know things.

It's more that you just know.

You don't have to think and work it out.

You just know.

So with the letting go of thought,

It's not to be like a droop or become like,

Like,

You know,

To become somebody who,

You know,

To drop down in vibration and just become like an animal.

I'm not talking about that lack of thought.

I'm talking about being in the garden.

And knowing you stop relying so much on thought.

You rely on your heart.

Yeah.

Because our thought is always diluted.

It always is.

A little bit diluted,

Even,

You know,

If a teacher is speaking from silence,

When they when they speak from silence,

There's a little bit of a distortion,

Even in that.

Even though the silence within the teacher gets communicated to the hearts of people listening.

And also,

Teachers will say completely different things depending on who's asking the question.

Because the truth is much more like a kaleidoscope.

You know,

You look at it this way,

And it looks like that you look at you move the rim,

You know,

And it's a completely different organization that comes a truth is like that.

That's why different teachers emphasize different things.

They're looking to a different part of the kaleidoscope.

Yeah.

But anyway,

Okay.

So this is a huge amount of material.

And it was a great joy.

I'm like,

I'm,

I'm glad to have like spoken it.

Like,

It's like,

I'm not carrying it anymore.

It's like,

It's,

It's like,

But I really want to make time available for questions.

And we can,

You know,

Whenever you have to leave,

Just leave,

Please,

You know,

Don't,

But I can stay longer and answer questions if you have them.

Yeah.

Or observations.

And,

You know,

You can face your fear of feeling foolish.

Right now,

By making an observation or a question.

And it doesn't have to have anything to do with what I was talking about.

Una,

Do you have a question?

No.

Yes.

Hello.

Can you hear me?

Yes.

Good.

Okay.

Oh,

Yeah.

No,

I was just thinking.

Patience is such a challenge to be patient on all this,

I noticed.

And what you said with the thoughts,

You know,

Always being in these thought carousels kind of things.

I'm a bit nervous now.

Oh,

Sweetie.

That sometimes makes me so angry,

You know,

I can't stand it anymore.

I want to be some,

I want to be already further,

You know,

I want to be able to be more in the stillness and stuff and but what to do,

I mean,

You just can't force it.

No,

You can feel the frustration.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like,

It's like a,

If you have children just before they learn to talk,

They often get very difficult and frustrated.

And it's just at the point when they're just about ready to learn to talk to see it's like the darkest time is just before dawn.

It's just before they'll start talking that they'll get really difficult.

So it's the same,

You know,

With us.

Okay,

Just before we make a breakthrough,

It will get very intense.

And we'll just go off.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah,

It's the way it is.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

It's like,

It's almost like you do what you can to comfort yourself.

Like,

You know,

Just yeah,

And and you see,

Speaking about it will will help.

It will help now.

And the thing I really want to communicate to you is you're,

You're very beautiful.

It's like,

Your energy is very,

Very beautiful.

You're just learning like the rest of us.

And we have no control over how difficult it is.

Do you see what I mean?

We?

It's not our fault.

Yeah,

For other times.

Yeah.

Right.

Good.

Okay,

Good.

Yeah,

Letting the energy come.

Good.

Good.

Good.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Thanks.

Laura.

Laura.

Sweet one.

Can you?

Yeah.

Can you unmute?

There.

I think I did.

Thank you.

And at the risk of being foolish,

Because that's my biggest fear on this.

Thank you for what you said.

I'm having difficulty with someone.

And last night,

I had a meltdown.

And I smashed my Chromebook.

You smash your my laptop.

Oh,

Sweetie.

I picked it up and I smashed it because I was so angry.

And so it really helped what you said about these people to put in our life to help us like go I can see that.

Because it's not about if this happens up when I talk to the managers and blah,

Blah,

Blah.

It's all ego.

The head trying to figure it out.

So thank you.

Yes,

Sweetie.

Is is this increased anger?

Any kind of last year again?

I lost you again.

Is this kind of you're not usually so volatile?

You know,

With the pitting laptops?

I'm just wondering,

Is this a symptom of what you're struggling with that,

That,

That is,

It is because I,

I've gotten long COVID.

I have long COVID and things have gone downhill very fast.

Yeah.

And I have less and less tolerance for the outside world.

Yeah,

Yeah,

Yeah.

Oh,

Sweetie.

I don't know how to because I have to eat.

And if I want to eat,

I have to go to meals.

And I I can't filter it out.

No.

Yeah.

Sometimes we get pretty tough gigs in a life.

Yeah.

I will.

You know,

I know that the creator and Alma is is walking with you and taking very good care of you because I've watched this over the last three years.

So you will be helped through this period too.

And I after the sad saying I will,

I'll take some time to work to speak to Alma about you particularly,

Laura,

And ask Alma for grace.

And I'll spend some time doing that for you to support you.

But yeah,

My hat off for what you're walking through.

I'm at a loss.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But that's where the stillness comes.

The silence.

That's it.

Because you give up.

That's it.

That's it.

And,

You know,

You have made a lot of spiritual progress.

I've watched you over the last three years.

So you I'm tired.

I don't want to do this.

I know.

Anymore.

I know.

No.

Yeah,

Sometimes we get really tough things we have to sweetie,

I will work with you really and and after the sad saying,

Okay,

So after the sad saying,

Just sit still and see if you can feel it coming to you.

Okay.

Okay.

Thanks for speaking,

Sweetie.

Okay.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Yeah,

You brave soul.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Anybody else?

I'm a pseudo.

Oh,

Yeah.

Hi.

I love.

Hi.

I just you last week you talked about your constant embrace of us.

Even if it feels like we've been a bear bear.

Even if it feels if it doesn't feel that way.

And I just wanted to say thank you for your embrace.

I had a dream that we talked about a couple months ago,

Where I was facing a firing squad.

And then I was,

You know,

Sort of ushered to a rocket.

And at the Bajong this morning,

For almost Bajong this morning,

They talked about the rocket of self confidence and I and the grace that is involved.

And I am starting to believe I don't even know if the right is the right word,

But I feel like I'm starting to feel in my body a resonance of understanding that God is real.

And that,

And that this really is loving.

And I,

I don't,

I'm just I'm grateful for the the push that allowed me to be able to be at that Bajong and hear that.

Because I can,

I,

I know that this is what I need.

So I just wanted to say thank you.

Right,

Sweetie.

Yeah.

Right.

Well,

Yeah,

Again,

My hat off for the for the challenge of moving out of the old way to this bigger understanding.

Yeah,

Yeah.

Like,

Again,

I know,

It's been a weighty challenge and my hat off that you hung in here,

Hung in with it.

And coming to that,

You know,

Where,

You know,

Instead of going down the road to kind of the annihilation,

You know,

To real trouble,

Which is,

You know,

If we stay unconscious on the earth,

This is kind of the path to the,

The awakening,

And to seeing that there's love in everything.

And then we are vibration,

We can go up,

We just go up like a rocket,

Really,

When you really get it in your body,

Like what you're talking about,

It is,

It's an experience of,

Even if it feels very thin,

That this greater trust,

And once it's in Jenna,

You,

The building gets much easier.

Yeah.

And then you'll go the pendulum joy and sorrow as you like,

Move more and more into truth,

And then the piece gets stronger and stronger.

So the pendulum doesn't disturb you.

Yeah,

But my hat off Jenna,

And you know,

It's what I always saw in you.

So even if I was like giving you a push,

Or pushing you away,

It was like,

Like,

You know,

It's just like with a kid with a who's got a really strong sense of self is sometimes that child needs great challenges to blossom.

Do you see?

So this as you're getting over this challenge,

The fact that you can transcend this challenge means the sky is a limit woman for going up.

Just just remember,

There's no limit on how high you can go.

But be patient.

Remember,

We're human.

It's not done overnight.

Yeah.

Yeah,

And it hurts sometimes.

But my hat off.

Good for you.

Good for you,

Jenna.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Yeah,

I feel like it's like King Arthur and all the brave knights around.

Michael,

You've got a question.

Michael.

Yeah,

Yeah.

Hi,

Premise to that.

Thanks very much.

And,

You know,

Really my love and support to Laura for you know,

What she's what she's going through,

And,

You know,

Really respect,

You know,

What,

What,

What you're going through,

Laura.

I just wanted to,

Yeah,

I think,

You know,

I just wanted to say,

It's nice to be able to hear that being an outsider is a badge of distinction.

Because I've never really never really looked at it that way.

But it does help a bit.

You know,

When you're when you're going down the road,

And,

You know,

When you know things that maybe others don't,

And,

You know,

Things like that.

So it helps,

It helps a lot.

So thank you.

Yeah.

That Michael,

You could argue that all the great breakthroughs come from outsiders.

Yeah.

You know,

The people that have the courage to think differently to follow their hearts to to be true to the God within them.

I mean,

You're kind of an outsider till you get to self realization,

Then everybody wants to be with you.

That's the big joke,

You know,

But it's your ego has gotten much smaller.

So that's why people want to be with you.

Yeah,

That's is that everything Michael?

Or was there something beyond that that you want to say?

Yeah.

Is that it?

Okay.

Well,

Yeah,

That was it.

Actually.

Good to become more.

See,

Yeah,

This is it.

You know,

Ama talks about our minds need to broaden as our minds broaden,

And we understand this,

Then we can move into more self acceptance.

Like Michael can give himself more permission not to walk the you know,

The common path.

Yeah,

That's it.

And to honor his you know,

Older soulness,

Because the older the more lifetimes we've had,

The more this this,

This culture seems a little like,

You know,

Uncomfortable.

I think you know,

You know,

Because it's not an old soul culture.

Yeah.

I'm a suda.

Yeah.

Who's that?

Yeah,

The bunny.

Sweetie.

I just felt I should say something.

It's been a pretty rough day.

And I had the one thing that comes up recurring that's been like the over the past weeks where I really get caught up and I keep getting,

You know,

Basically small situations,

But that that it's a lot of a disappointment that comes up with.

There was a really beautiful bhajan being sung.

And just that moment,

A friend walked over and I chatted with her and then all of a sudden the bhajan was over.

I was like,

Oh,

Why did I do that?

That wasn't a meaningful conversation.

And I you know,

I missed this beautiful bhajan and I can't get it back.

Right?

It's it's that split in attention that I was referring to,

Right?

Where are you?

I've lost you again.

It's annoying.

Okay,

Sweetie.

Yeah.

Okay.

Now Bhavani.

Sweetie.

Yeah,

This is your learning curve.

It's like,

Sweetie pie,

We're all like this.

We're all like this.

It's like the same mistake over and over.

And it's like,

Don't tear yourself to shreds.

You know,

It's like,

Hate the sin,

But not the sinner.

And it's even this,

This thing,

It's like,

Like,

You know,

What's you know,

What is in this split of attention,

Like the tendency to split is that you're too hard on yourself.

Do you understand that is the thing that fuels the split?

Because when you go to God,

Part of you thinks that you're going to be judged and punished and,

And it's the opposite.

This part that thinks you're going to be judged and punished is coming from other lifetimes in it.

And it's like a sort of a dark iceberg that's sitting there and it needs to melt in your self love in your letting Amma love even this in you.

And it's a small thing.

And it's high level that you notice.

Many people just don't even notice,

You notice,

You're feeling how the sadness,

The sorrow of having this split of doing this to yourself of,

Of,

It's kind of a crippling of yourself.

It's like me,

Telling secrets to people who were not interested.

I'm telling spiritual high level spiritual stuff to people,

I was throwing it away.

So you just witnessed yourself throwing away your own heart really.

So it's like,

Gag on it.

Go,

You know,

See that doesn't work.

Give it to Amma but don't.

Don't rip yourself to shreds,

Sweetie.

It's like you're too hard on yourself.

Your journey is for you to get softer with yourself,

Softer with your humanity.

It's softer.

We have to be softer with our flaws.

Like gentle with ourselves,

Even as we feeling how much we want to get over them.

Sweetie,

Maybe you can receive it for me right now.

Just this,

Just the beautiful soul,

Bonnie.

Like you're high level seeker.

You know,

You're in a very difficult transition.

Yeah.

And it's scary.

Right.

Right.

You will get through it and you will become more for having walked through it.

Are you talking?

I can hear you talking,

But I can't hear you.

I mean,

I can see you talking.

Benjamin's next to me and I'm just asking him to make noise a little bit further away so I can pay attention.

Can you tell him that I'm like sending him a big hug and kiss kisses?

He's nodding.

Okay,

Good.

Okay.

So just yeah,

Just let it be,

You know,

Say your mantra a lot.

And just you're walking through,

You know,

One of those dark forests and fairy tales.

Yeah.

Or walking through the poop,

You know,

It's like,

You'll get through it.

You'll be much more for it.

Yeah.

That's it.

Good.

Yeah.

Okay,

Good.

How are you?

I'm doing okay.

There's there's intensity there.

There's definite intensity.

Okay,

And your high heart.

So is it around your heart?

Is it pressure or what?

Ben,

That's kind of loud.

Can you turn it off?

That's a big bucket of water.

So off.

Okay,

So Bhavani,

I want you to get do you see the metaphor for your split that Benjamin is distracting you?

It's like you're in the metaphor.

Remember,

I've talked to you about the metaphors that were in this theater,

And it's happening.

Okay,

So it's happening right now.

So just embrace it.

Here it is.

Here's the split.

Yeah,

Just embrace it.

Here it is.

It's okay.

Yeah,

That's it.

There's nothing to do.

Most times there's nothing to do outwardly.

It's just to allow,

Allow the penny to drop in the heart allow us to get like we're we're in this metaphor and our progress where we are in the journey is going to be shown to us.

I'll talk about it more next week.

Yeah.

So is it pressure,

Bhavani?

Or pressure?

It's more like a not a not a fiery,

Painful burning,

But it's kind of it's it's it's heat.

Heat.

Is it warm or hot?

I say warm.

Good.

Is it like a heart expansion?

Is it love?

It's,

It's movement.

Let me see.

Yeah,

Your heart's warm.

It's good.

If it's warm,

That's bringing in love.

That's what was wanting to come in and heal the split.

If it's hot,

You guys,

If you get heat in your body,

If it's really hot,

It is just anger burning off.

So it's just anger leaving.

It's,

I mean,

It's,

It's,

It's uncomfortable.

It's,

It's,

It's definitely not peaceful.

Your your heart's warm,

But it's uncomfortable.

What's uncomfortable about it?

It feels like it feels like,

I don't know,

Emotions or any something is it's,

It's,

It's not the warmest of love.

Okay,

If it is,

I'm completely missing and recognizing it.

Okay,

Well,

That is what I wonder about.

But Vani is if you aren't completely missing.

Yeah.

Okay,

So.

Okay,

So listen,

Okay,

So,

Okay,

So listen,

Sweetie.

The good news is,

If it's love,

It's you've made the shift physically,

And the shift now is going to bubble up.

Okay,

It's going to bubble up.

And you will read the text that I sent you this morning.

And you will read them and you will receive them completely differently than the way you've received them.

Earlier,

You'll receive you will get what I'm talking about more,

Because you've made the shift,

You are making this shift to allow this love in your heart.

And for you,

Life has been such a battle,

That it is a huge breakthrough for you to allow the love in and kudos.

Brave soul.

Bravo.

You're doing it.

It's just a little messy and uncomfortable.

It just is.

That's it.

It's okay that it's messy and uncomfortable.

This is it.

And this is how you come out of the labyrinth of your mind.

Yeah.

Yeah,

You're doing it.

Good.

Good.

I'm seeing a lot of grace surrounding you,

As if the universe is so behind you on this.

I hope so.

Because I'm not gonna be able to do it without it.

Yeah,

I know.

Just go through what you have to go through.

I'll tell you,

It's a birth canal for you.

You're just going going through the birth canal and my hat off and my great empathy.

It kind of feels like the rage,

But it's the rage of culling my eyes.

It feels like right now.

Yeah.

So is it hot then?

You see,

Part of me thinks your head is kind of.

.

.

I've been very heady all my life.

I'm sure the head is in there somewhere attempting to do something.

Yes,

Sweetie.

I mean,

I think you're,

In a funny way,

More comfortable with the rage of Kali Ma than with the loving arms of the Mother of the Universe.

And this is the problem.

And you're growing out of it.

So it's all good.

Just be very patient with yourself.

But understand that it's this tendency to be more comfortable with Kali Ma,

The rage of Kali Ma is the problem.

And you're growing out of it.

And you're and you're growing beyond that.

Okay.

As long as I'm going beyond that,

It helps me to just patiently move forward.

That's it.

That's it.

Okay.

Good.

Yay.

Yay.

I feel a relief that you said this,

That you're accepting this.

Yes.

Good.

Okay.

And,

You know,

If you want any input from this one,

I'm always here.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay,

Good.

This is very productive,

Satsang,

I must say,

And you guys are coming forward more deeply like this and more bravely.

And it's fantastic.

It's just,

It's fantastic.

And my heart opens to all of you so deeply.

Yeah,

Just really deeply.

Yeah.

Is there anybody who's desperate to speak at all?

Needs to speak,

Or even wants to speak?

There's room for one last.

Bethan,

Bethan.

Hello.

And I got no video because my signal's not very good.

So I keep on dropping out.

Yeah.

And,

But yeah,

Just like you were saying through,

It's just like this other areas you've gone through.

So satsang is like little books that have just opened up in different ways.

And if someone made me chuckle and laugh,

It's like,

It's just the situations and just the reflection from them.

And some of them have been like little,

Oh,

Yeah,

Moments.

And just this,

For the opening or awareness deep within.

And it's just,

Yeah,

It's like these chapters that are just going to open up more,

I think,

Over the next few days as it sinks in.

So it's really,

Really appreciated.

Yeah,

And it's making me smile now.

And I think,

Yeah,

Yeah,

It's been appreciated.

It's good.

Thanks,

Bethan.

Yeah,

And this satsang particular,

I mean,

Really,

It's good to listen to them all,

At least once again,

To get the most from it.

But this one particularly.

Yeah.

Okay,

My beloveds,

You just adorable.

I just adore you so much.

Do you know,

You're in my heart,

You're in my thoughts.

Energetically,

I'm always sending love.

And,

You know,

We have Amma.

So we're okay.

And it's kind of a ride,

But we're okay.

You know,

Really,

We're gonna transcend all of this.

Yeah.

Okay.