Four Aspects Of Patient-Acceptance

This week I wanted to share a particular presentation or way of looking at the mind of patient acceptance Patient acceptance,

Or kshanti,

Is one of the six parameters or perfections found in Buddhism And it has different translations,

Sometimes seen as acceptance,

Patience,

Forbearance,

A mixture of them Or this one that I'm using,

Patient acceptance And this wonderfully powerful and empowering mind has different aspects to it And none of these translations really capture the whole essence The term acceptance on its own can give off a feeling of passivity You know,

Simply letting bad things happen to us without really doing anything And then the term forbearance can sometimes have this idea of tolerating or holding back,

Pushing perhaps And so here instead we're looking and talking about a term that is fully,

Wholeheartedly,

Genuinely accepting So it's not gritting our teeth and putting up with it It is not giving up despite the fact that it still hurts The only thing that we give up is the idea that the situation that we're in should be different And by genuinely,

Wholeheartedly doing that There is no contraction,

No tightening,

No suffering,

No contortion of our heart So this mind of patient acceptance is particularly powerful For those situations where there is no other option left Situations which we cannot change And of course if we can make meaningful change in any given situation Then we should do that,

Why not?

But what about those situations where we find ourselves stuck Where despite our rebellion,

Despite our resistance,

It's going to happen anyway This is where the perfection of Kshanti is particularly useful And a preferred definition of mine that some of you will be familiar with Is to accept wholeheartedly whatever arises Having given up the idea that things should be other than what they are And this definition here doesn't suggest that you're going to throw your arms up in the air Saying how you love it,

It's the best thing to have ever happened I'm really glad I lost my job,

I'm really glad I'm sick It's not that,

But it's a type of disarming A type of putting down the sword and shield Letting go of the way that we're rebelling and fighting against our reality And saying okay,

This is how it is It's the first step to empowering ourselves in any given situation In which all power has been taken from us When all hope is lost,

We still have the lust of the human freedoms As Viktor Frankl called it To choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances To choose one's own way And so this mind is an attitude shift It is choosing not to let an uncontrollable situation contort our heart And rob us of our kindness,

Compassion,

Love and understanding And so one way to look at this,

Which I find incredibly helpful Is to look at the different aspects of this patient acceptance individually And together they paint a picture of what this mind is all about And so the first aspect we can look at is simply this acceptance And this acceptance is the first part of the definition that I gave It's the idea this is how it is I give up the idea that it should be different And so it's this very simple letting go,

Letting go of my version of events And understanding okay,

This is how it is So when we're in traffic for example It is recognising okay,

I'm in traffic I don't want it,

I wouldn't have chosen it,

But I am in traffic I give up the idea that I shouldn't be in traffic Because that idea,

Holding on to what we would have preferred Only makes the situation more difficult You already have to deal with the traffic We already have to call ahead,

Turn around,

Do whatever we can This resistance of that which is Only makes that situation more difficult Allows the stories of the mind to fester Allows a contortion of our heart Allows frustration,

Disappointment,

Annoyance,

Irritation to set in So an acceptance This is the first aspect This is how it is,

For better or worse,

This is how it is The second aspect of this mind of patient acceptance is understanding And this attitude shift of patient acceptance Is made whole-hearted,

Is made genuine Only when it is grounded in understanding All sorts of understanding is helpful here Seeing things as they are But in particular,

Trying to cut through our Why's and it's not fairs and this shouldn't be happening And seeing the situation from a wider perspective Seeing it from all angles,

A more holistic approach When we're faced with difficulty We often have a narrow fixed view,

A closed off perspective As we say,

Like seeing a vast landscape through a straw You might look through that straw and only see a bit of water And think,

Oh well it's just water out there,

It's just ocean But in fact you're missing the whole picture And so we don't often see the whole picture in situations We have this closed off,

Narrow fixed view And then we react from this perspective We don't see that the reason the bus driver was late Was not because he was rude and inconsiderate and decided to personally make us late But it was because of countless other factors Most of them outside of the driver's control Traffic,

Depot delays,

Helping others getting on They're coming in on their day off because of X,

Y and Z and so on So many different,

Countless factors coming together But instead we take this narrow view and we blame,

We accuse,

We shout So as we take a step back,

See the wider causes and conditions Then understanding arises And this helps dissolve any irritation because we realise There is no one single cause,

One single thing to blame and to get upset by But actually that cause came about because of another cause and other conditions All of these things coming together And so it's not personal,

It's not because the universe hates me It's not because I'm being punished for something It's because this is the nature of my reality Also understanding of our own mind,

Our own nature How do these irritations arise?

So coming to understand this,

Seeing how our irritation is impermanent Seeing how situations are impermanent All of this helps us more easily develop this mind of patient acceptance we're talking about So we have acceptance first of all,

This is how it is A sense of understanding,

Recognising all the cause and conditions that brought it together Another aspect of this mind of patient acceptance is compassion,

Love This is the part of our mind that sees our own and others' suffering And thinks of their well-being as well This is about holding everyone's struggle in compassion Recognising our own struggle,

Recognising their struggle Recognising that we're all struggling on some level here We're all mixed up in this world Each of us coming to it with our own quirks,

Traumas,

Beliefs,

Difficulties,

Our own upbringing And we're all trying our very best All sentient beings want to be happy We all want to be free of suffering,

That's just true The more we contemplate that,

The more it becomes true for us,

We recognise that But the ways in which we go about finding happiness and freedom from suffering are all very very different Because of the ways we were brought up,

Because of our beliefs Some of us believe you get happiness from more money,

More fame,

More prestige You get happy by putting others down and pushing up your ego So by recognising this core belief in us all,

This core desire We all want to be happy,

We all want to be free of suffering We're all just mixed up in all this mental affliction By recognising this in our fellow sentient beings,

Awakening to this Rather than it being us versus them It's all of us versus the mental afflictions and challenges of life We're all caught up in this And so it's the part of our mind that says May we all find our way through this situation in the best way possible Rather than there being a winner or a loser May we all find our way through this To the best possible solution Another aspect of patient acceptance that is particularly powerful,

Strong It is an attitude of strength,

It is fortitude And this is a will,

A decision,

An attitude to hold firm In the midst of this challenge,

This change that we're experiencing This is the part of patient acceptance that says No matter what comes my way,

The qualities I hold so dear are what are most important And if we hold ourselves to the aspirations of kindness,

Compassion,

Patience and so on Then we say In the midst of unkindness,

May I be kind In the midst of ill will,

May I be loving In the midst of hatred,

May I be compassionate In the midst of irritation,

May I be patient In the midst of darkness,

May I be a light May I cultivate and bring enough kindness for everyone involved in this situation May I bring enough patience for everyone involved It's a strong mind,

A mind that holds firm But it's a wonderfully transformative one if we can generate it It says,

This is my mind,

Not yours And I'm choosing my own way here And so bringing some of these different aspects together The aspect of acceptance,

Understanding,

Love or compassion and fortitude We see that when we talk about the perfection of patience It really doesn't cover all of the nuances of this term And I truly believe that it is always possible to be patient with enough practice With enough work That there is no situation so bad That with time,

With understanding,

With compassion It couldn't be accepted with this mind of patient acceptance Wholeheartedly,

Open,

Accommodating,

Loving heart And with patient acceptance in our mind Unhappy thoughts cannot gain a foothold So this is how this is empowering This is how by choosing our own attitude in any given set of circumstances We find freedom We find freedom in a situation where otherwise there is none