From Longing To Love

Hi,

Beloveds.

I'm having an experience and I wonder if you can relate.

All throughout my life,

Naturally,

I've found different things to offer a sense of comfort.

In times that I was feeling sad,

Upset,

Afraid,

Overwhelmed,

I used different things to help me feel better.

And there was usually a desire for something.

If I was feeling sad,

Maybe there would be a desire to curl up and watch a movie and eat a sweet treat.

Or if I was feeling afraid,

Maybe there would be this desire to be held by someone that I feel loved by.

And these desires haven't only come up when I am not feeling,

You could say,

Good.

Sometimes they come up from a place of feeling lack.

It may not be related to a strong emotional sensation of sadness or fear or anger,

But there is an experience of lack inside.

And so there is this desire born as the mind tries to figure out how to get away from this feeling or to change it.

So sometimes these desires might look like,

Oh,

I want this,

I want that,

I want to live in a new place,

I want a new car,

I want a new outfit,

I want to go on an adventure.

All of these desires coming from pain,

From lack,

From feeling that something is missing or something is wrong.

And I'm not saying that all desires are born from these feelings or energies.

I'm speaking to these desires specifically today.

So all throughout my life,

These desires have arisen when there has been a sense of discomfort inside.

And I'm not saying that all of these desires have arisen when there has been a sense of discomfort inside.

And I would say to a certain degree,

They eased the discomfort.

Sometimes it would really feel like that was the thing that I needed.

If I was longing to be embraced by someone and I was finally in their arms for a few moments or hours or maybe a day,

And then the feeling would slowly but surely come back.

Maybe it would come back with a different thought this time about something else that seems to be wrong or not working or missing.

But ultimately,

It was the same feeling that would arise.

So just like many of us,

In some ways,

I've gone from these deep feelings of discomfort to a desire being born,

Working,

Striving,

Dreaming,

To have the desire fulfilled,

Often feeling some kind of temporary relief,

And then again,

Finding myself in a place of discontent or pain.

Maybe you can see this cycle in your own life having happened again and again.

And what I've noticed over time is that so many of the things that once shifted the discomfort,

Quelled the longing,

Eased the pain,

They don't work anymore.

Maybe it was some kind of comfort food or drink in the past,

Some kind of social activity,

Intimacy,

Adventure.

So many things used to temporarily relieve this discomfort,

This pain,

But many of those things don't work anymore.

And I'm aware of this.

And in the moments of discomfort,

Of pain,

Of feeling that something's wrong,

My mind will reach for a thought that seems that it will somehow make the pain go away.

Oh,

If I could just be close to this person.

Oh,

If I just had more support in this way.

Oh,

If I was just different.

Oh,

If I was just different.

That's what would make this feel better.

Yet I know not just intellectually,

But viscerally in my whole being that that experience or that thing will not ease the discomfort.

It will not take this pain away because at the very root of it all,

This discomfort,

This pain,

This longing is the feeling that I am separate.

And you can use your own word,

Separate from God,

Separate from creator,

Source,

Life.

This feeling that is at the root of all painful feelings is the feeling that we are separate from life,

From love,

That we are somehow unloved and alone.

This is the root of all of the pain that we hold onto and that we strive to make change or go away.

I long,

Long to be home.

We long so deeply to be held in a never ending embrace of acceptance,

To know that we are loved,

That we have always been loved,

And we will always be loved.

What if we could just sit with this discomfort,

To sit in this comfort,

To sit with this pain,

With this longing,

Without attaching it to a thought that says this is what is wrong,

Or this is what I need to do to make it go away.

What if we just sit together and allow our hearts to be held?

So much energy,

So much resistance,

So much of our life force energy is poured into resistance.

What are you resisting,

My beloved?

What are you holding onto so tightly that keeps love from you?

Why do you shackle yourself in the fear of loss?

It is not your past.

It is not the fear of the future.

We are here together.

It's so easy to forget that we are not separate,

That we have never been separate from the whole,

From love,

From God,

Life,

Creation.

Can you allow yourself right now to just be held,

Just be held in this loving embrace from your beloved,

Your beloved Self,

Your precious Self,

Who is always here,

Has never been separate?

What if this experience of pain is just that you've had your back turned away from you?

And all of the longing and the searching and the striving is you looking for a way home to yourself?

What if the whole play and even the dramas that unfold in your life,

Are you looking for the path,

The doorways that lead you home?

Not to someone outside of you.

Not even to God outside of you.

To you.

You are so beautiful,

Magnificent.

If you could only see you as I see you,

Remember,

Remember that this is your Lila,

This is your play,

To experience this magnificent world,

This planet,

This loka,

This creation of time and space,

This life is a gift,

And it is all you.

The flowers,

The trees,

The sky,

The eyes of the one you love,

The wind,

And even the things you think you don't like or enjoy.

Are you my beloved?

It is all you.

Are you my beloved?

It is all you.

Welcome,

Welcome all feelings,

Welcome all judgments,

Welcome all joy,

All pain,

All fear,

Welcome it all now,

Into your sacred being,

Your sacred heart.

Remember,

Remember.

Come home to yourself.

Every moment of every day,

You have the choice to become more aware,

To awaken from the unconscious slumber of the mind,

To remember that you are infinitely powerful,

That you are not the body,

The mind or the emotions,

But you are the life,

Living,

Experiencing this creation.

And you are a gift.

Thank you.

I cherish you as me,

As you,

In this play of remembrance,

Of love.

Love,

Love,

Love,

I love you.