Energetics, Self Forgiveness ~ Serenity Wellness Podcast E72

Hi there,

Welcome to Serenity Wellness Podcast,

Episode 72,

Health,

Energetics,

And Self-Forgiveness.

As always,

Thanks for joining me.

I greatly appreciate sharing space with you.

I talked a bit about forgiveness and a little about self-forgiveness the last episode.

I know I have a whole another episode on forgiveness and I'll put the link down there below for that one.

It was quite a while ago that I recorded that and I haven't honestly listened to it again before recording this.

I also know that I mentioned that I wasn't going to talk about energetics in this podcast.

I was going to save that for potentially something different,

Which thank you for those of you who did get back to me on that question a while ago.

I got your responses and I'm working on putting that together real soon here.

I don't know when that will be though and I didn't want to wait too long to talk about this while it's kind of in the forefront of our minds since I just mentioned it.

I want to cover just a bit more about self-forgiveness,

What it has to do with our health,

But also it has to do with energy therapy.

We might bypass or dip dodge away from self-forgiveness for multiple reasons.

Perhaps it was some of those reasons I mentioned in episode 71,

Or you might find your own personal reasons of what it is for you.

Sometimes it might be about what we have to experience within going through the process of self-forgiveness.

I've talked many times about how we might numb out or avoid our emotions or working through experiences around emotions because it's hard.

It doesn't feel warm and cozy sometimes and we lose sight of what's on the other end of that healing because maybe we just don't know what that could possibly look like because we've never been there before.

Self-forgiveness and self-forgiveness can fall into the same category of what can block us there because sometimes when we move into self-forgiveness,

It requires spending some time with ourselves,

Which sometimes we just don't do at all,

But when it comes to emotional processing and working through things,

We can really just completely avoid the experience altogether.

Perhaps we feel like it's going to be a bit too heavy for us.

It's going to experience or bring up too many emotions for us,

Or potentially maybe we are one who doesn't want to cry at all costs and we know that we might cry.

Crying is an experience within emotion.

Remember last episode how I said emotions are an experience.

Crying is an experience around emotion that will help us release,

Help us work through,

And help us to have sympathy and compassion for that emotional experience that we went through or that maybe we're still going through.

Sometimes people will tell me about how they don't like what their face looks like after they cry or how it can make them feel really tired.

I get it,

But what is the cost of avoiding it?

Shower cries are really great for that.

It helps with maybe not getting your face as puffy if that's something that you're worried about,

Which people tell me about.

If you're worried about your nose getting really runny,

Another thing that people tell me about,

Just know little sideline of body.

If you look kind of towards the corner of your eye,

Right inside the corner,

So not like right in the corner where your eyes meet,

But tiny,

Tiny bit in,

You'll see like a little dot there.

That is the drainage system and why your nose runs when you cry because it's draining down and that's what makes your nose run.

Anyway,

Shower cries are really great because they help to minimize some of that that often people tell me about of avoidance.

That's just their concrete reasons though.

Often we have some subconscious reasons why we also might be totally avoiding that emotion.

You can kind of connect with the experience of the water as you're experiencing that.

Water is connected to our emotion in energy and body work and things like that.

And it can also help us to move through emotion.

If you think about how water is moving around and through rivers and things,

If there's rocks there,

It forms around it,

Moves around it.

It doesn't let itself just stay stuck there.

Yeah,

Dams can create that,

But if a tiny little crack gets in the dam,

Then what happens?

Might trickle out a little,

Little,

Little,

And then before you know it,

That trickle is suddenly flood because the crack just widens and opens.

Same thing with our personal experience and emotion.

We can think we have it jammed up enough to hold it back and then over time little cracks will happen and then it can create a big tidal wave in our life,

In our experience,

In our body,

In our health,

And some other ways I'm going to tell you about in just a moment here.

Before I get into the other stuff here,

I just want to give you a visualization.

You can imagine that if you were to walk around carrying a heavy weight and you determine what heavy is for you.

I mean,

Heavy might be a five pound weight for you,

Or it might be like a hundred pound weight,

Or maybe even more,

I don't know,

People are different lengths of strength they got going on.

You can imagine that you're going through life carrying that weight just in one hand.

You can't switch it to the other hand to give that hand relief.

You can't put it down.

Yeah,

It would cause a lot of inconvenience with what you're trying to do through life if you have to carry around this weight all the time,

But what would it do to your body?

What would it do to the muscles in your arm,

In your shoulder,

Probably your neck might get a bit jammed up over there,

Even your wrist might start hurting,

And you'd be carrying a fist around a lot too.

You'd probably get all kinds of stuff going on in your hand,

But you get the point.

If you're carrying around a weight just in one hand for year after year after year after year,

And you're never putting it down,

It is going to have an impact on you.

It's going to impact how you're moving through your day,

How you're physically feeling,

How your body is reacting and responding,

And it's probably going to affect you emotionally because over time it's going to become overbearing.

It's going to be one of those things that you're trying really hard to ignore the fact that you're carrying it,

But there it is and you can't ignore it because it's just become so heavy through the process.

When we block self-forgiveness,

That is the same thing.

We're carrying around that weight,

But it is in our heart.

Maybe year after year after year,

Carrying around a heavy weight or weights in our heart.

There are tons of different studies that have looked at what this does to our health.

Some of the primary things that they have found is that when we move into self-forgiveness,

Forgiveness as well,

Just beyond self,

But I'm trying to just stay with self-forgiveness here.

It decreases heart attacks,

Improves cholesterol levels and sleep hygiene,

So how well we're sleeping.

If you think of the cholesterol levels,

How I talked about in the last episode and some other ones as well,

Emotional eating and what we're eating,

If you have watched or taken part in the free course Spring Into Action in week four,

I covered about food as medicine and where we lose sight of that.

Well,

When we're doing that,

It's going to lead to cholesterol problems because what are we eating?

What are we taking in our body?

What's our relationship with food and emotion?

Moving into forgiveness,

Self-forgiveness has also been found to reduce pain,

Blood pressure,

And not surprisingly,

Depression,

Anxiety,

And anger.

This hold that we have,

This idea or concept that we are gripped in holding onto,

Hooked in staying with,

Of I'm not going to forgive myself.

I cannot forgive myself.

What cost is that bringing into your life if you think of health costs?

The research and studies have shown that this correlation between health and forgiveness and self-forgiveness increases with age.

That's not surprising given that example I just gave you a little bit ago about carrying around that weight in one hand.

If we are blocking and moving away from self-forgiveness year after year,

It's not surprising it's going to impact our health more and more.

It's going to impact it differently five years holding onto a weight versus 10 years,

20 years.

The impact on the body and what you're carrying around your heart space by avoiding self-forgiveness is doing the same thing.

It impacts how the body's relationship is in the moment in space that you're in.

These are activating response systems.

Anytime you get a flighting fleet to come in of that memory of what you're holding onto still,

What's making you feel those emotions,

Your body's going to respond depending on the emotion.

It's not always depression or anxiety.

It can also be anger,

Which is going to create that fight-flight response system.

There's also freeze,

Yes,

And collapse as well within that,

But for this purpose,

I'm going to just condense things here in these episodes,

But your body's responding.

It's not just like one thing is happening.

The act of self-forgiveness is an intentional action.

It is embracing desire,

Willingness,

And being all in.

It's not just these fleeting words or,

You know,

I'm going to forgive myself kind of thing.

It's like a true all-in dedication.

Otherwise,

The energetic piece is still here.

What happens if we are not actually all in in the notion of self-forgiveness?

If we have a desire,

But we're not quite willing and we still hold on to bits and pieces of the story to almost bully or punish ourselves,

It's kind of a form of self-abuse,

Really.

And in it,

When we aren't fully in,

Then we are sending mixed messages to the universe,

Source,

Or if there's a higher entity that you connect with.

What happens is we're sending the message that we don't quite get it,

That we need more lessons,

We need more experiences to learn whatever it is that we're trying to move through and learn.

Because when we're holding on to something and saying we can't forgive,

It's a subconscious blocker or subconscious message to soul that I haven't quite understood,

Totally learned the message.

It makes us cling and hold on and hook into judgment,

Expectation,

High attachment cycles.

And in the mixed message that we then send out,

We're not only sending it out through subconscious.

Source,

Universe,

Higher power,

Whatever word resonates for you,

Is going to provide us with the opportunity to try to keep learning the lesson.

It's why you might find yourself in repeat cycles,

Different face,

Different body,

Same story.

And this can be in the way that you connect,

The way that you communicate.

If you haven't watched the connection styles,

You might want to check that out.

It could also be in how you react or respond with your emotions or don't or habits that you even create.

All of those things can be tied into blocking self-forgiveness.

And in this message that then we're sending,

This mixed message where if we're not all in,

We might be like,

Yeah,

Kind of forgive myself,

Knowing we don't,

Inside we know,

Like our soul knows truth,

Whether we want to try to BS it or not,

Our soul knows the truth.

Higher power knows the truth.

It sees and knows well beyond what we maybe want it to.

And it will provide then those opportunities for continued learning.

You can think about it like if you've ever heard of game theory.

I'm not here to say that we live in a simulation,

But if you've ever heard of game theory,

You can think about it like that.

If you haven't heard of game theory,

Just think about it like you're in a simulation,

You're in a game and to get to the next level,

You have to complete all these tasks and then you get to level up.

You received the next token or the next item to carry in your sack around the game or the next whatever it is,

I don't know,

Whatever game you want to think of in your mind.

But this is that concept in our living life right now.

Again,

Not saying we live in a game,

But when you're thinking of energetic exchange and mindful awareness of self-forgiveness and are we sending mixed messages to the universe because it will comply.

It will offer us the opportunity for further learning.

If we're saying,

I can't forgive myself,

That's the message we haven't gotten it.

We haven't quite figured out what it is we needed to figure out,

What it is we needed to learn.

So,

Give me some more tasks here,

Please.

When we move into self-forgiveness,

Not only is it helping those things I mentioned about health,

But it's also helping us to break patterns,

To break cycles and to move into something new,

To get into that next level,

To have an opportunity for new experiences,

New ways we engage with ourselves and others.

It's like asking yourself or noticing,

Would you want to hang out with you?

Because who we are fundamentally is how we are going to show up for others.

And if we can learn to love ourselves fully,

Self-forgiveness is part of that.

It's going to impact how we're moving through the day in a lot of different ways.

I understand that even if we have a desire and willingness,

We might not really be sure how to go about this.

So,

I'm going to offer you some quick tools here.

Again,

You can check out the forgiveness episode that I recorded quite a while ago.

I haven't honestly listened to it,

Which may have been helpful before I recorded this.

So,

I can't remember what all I talked about there,

But it has to do with forgiveness.

And this is about self-forgiveness,

But it's the same kind of thing.

It's just,

I'm trying to guide you to self right now.

And when you think about how to do this,

You might think about how you have moved through forgiveness before.

Maybe you have never forgiven yourself.

So,

You can think about,

Have you forgiven someone else?

It might be something really small or it might be something really large.

What did it look like when you forgave someone else?

How did you go about that?

How did you decide,

I'm going to work on forgiveness towards this person?

And what factors allowed you to do that?

Some common ones that people talk about are empathy and compassion are big ones,

Right?

I mean,

Just having empathy to recognize that heart-space connection,

To feel and understand what it is like to walk or live in someone else's shoes the best you can.

We're not going to completely understand another person.

We're not them.

Also,

Having awareness around the other person was maybe in a place of suffering in that time or they didn't have awareness of maybe their emotions or maybe they were in an addiction cycle at the time or maybe they were even working through trauma of some sort.

So,

Just having awareness that the person that they worked towards forgiveness had some things going on and they had that empathy and compassion towards that suffering.

Another one is trust.

Maybe they have a foundation of trust that was there before and this is a bit of the crack in the trust and they're working on building that back.

And then also longevity,

How long they knew the person,

How long that relationship was there.

All of those things are the same thing that apply to you.

When you're thinking of you and you're thinking of self-forgiveness,

Same thing.

Recognizing that you had your own suffering around maybe the experiences that you went through,

That you didn't know what you know now.

So,

In the time you were doing the best that you thought that you could do,

Even if right now you look at it and you think,

Well,

That was like a crappy blah,

Blah,

Blah,

Blah.

You were doing what you could do the best that you could do at that time.

And if you think about length of knowledge of a person,

You have known yourself since you arrived here on earth and well beyond that.

I won't get into that in this episode.

But you know yourself more than anyone,

Even if you try to avoid knowing yourself and you've known yourself the longest than anyone.

So,

You have the knowing in terms of length of time down pat there.

You can work towards the empathy,

The compassion towards what that then can offer you in self-forgiveness.

Think about what the cost is if you don't do this.

What the purpose is of not doing this.

Is this some grand,

It's like if you have a child and or you,

I was going to say,

Or if you were a child.

Well,

Obviously you were a child at some point.

So,

Think about like grounding.

Oh,

You're grounded.

Well,

For how long?

Forever till the ends of your time here on earth.

Is that really how you go about this idea?

Because that's the punishment cycle that you're putting yourself in.

If you don't allow yourself to think through,

To embrace and recognize the beauty of what self-forgiveness can offer you.

Some fears around moving into it can be some of those things I mentioned earlier about the emotional experience.

What we might have to witness or face within ourselves to work through the experience of the emotion.

It could also be about the story that then we'll have to give up.

If we're repeating this for a long time,

It's become now a part of our identification,

The story that we use to create who we are.

And people might have a desire,

But they might not have a willingness to let go of that story because of the unknowns of what that means without having that as a part of who they identify themselves to be any longer.

Some little side things you can do.

Color therapy is a thing.

You can actually wear green.

Green is the color of the heart and it can help to move us into activation of awareness there even on a subconscious level.

So you can wear things like green.

You can have green around you.

Plants and nature are a way to do that.

You can also listen to meditations that will help you to move more into self-forgiveness and your heart space.

I've done several of those and I will post some links to those meditations down below.

You can also clear your space.

Energy is around emotion.

Emotions carry energy with it.

It's why if you've ever walked into a room and an argument just happened and maybe you didn't even hear the argument,

You didn't know from your brain that an argument happened,

But you moved into a room or arrived in a space and the air is really thick and heavy because you can feel like the energy of the argument or anger in the air or anxiousness.

Sometimes people talk to me about how they were feeling calm and then they walked into a store and found themselves a few minutes into the shopping experience and then after feeling really anxious and then as we slow it down,

They can start to pull things apart to recognize.

I go through different trainings to help people recognize,

Is this my emotion and energy or is this something I've actually collected and picked up from someone else?

Because we can do that even by passing by a person under certain circumstances.

So one thing you can do,

Just going to grab this here real quick,

You can actually smudge your space.

Lots of science and research around this as well.

Not going to bore you with all of that right now.

So with smudging your space,

You can use a few different things.

I'm just going to show you two right now.

I do have these available on my website if you're interested.

I'm just going to show you what I got going on here in the camera,

But what it is is this is a cobra stand made out of mango.

Here's a shell here for you.

A large thing of the sage here and two palosantos.

This is considered the holy wood.

It helps to clear space,

But also smudging has been shown to actually even clear out bacteria and things in the air,

And this is white sage.

Those are information about both of these actually on the website,

And you can purchase these if you would like.

What you would do is actually just kind of burn the end of your sage.

You can see how it's smoky here,

And you can have an intention that you just kind of add into your mind as you're staging your space,

Staging yourself.

It might be something like,

I am love.

I am only full of light energy.

All dark energy must leave my space now.

Light energy is always stronger than dark energy.

You just have to ask the dark to leave where you demand it to be.

And then you might also clear your room,

Or you can even clear your house,

And you would go to all four corners of the room,

North,

South,

East,

And west,

Above and below,

And you might say another sort of intention,

Just a mantra holding firm in your intention with the mantra of,

I clear my space.

Only light energy is welcome here.

And if you're deciding to clear your whole space,

You would want to just crack a little window so that energy can leave as well.

This is palasanto.

I mean,

I'm burning it as though you guys can smell it,

Which clearly can't.

Same thing here.

I would often use more of the sage to smudge my home,

And then the palasanto I often just use to cleanse myself.

I use this a lot at night before going to bed.

It's very calming.

You can also get palasanto as an essential oil.

The smudging is going to help in release work,

To help you release this energy,

To help you move into a clear space,

But to also clear your space.

Another quick side note that just popped up to tell you too is if you've had a lot of emotion experience in a room,

In your home,

Move your furniture around.

Energy around emotions can cling and get kind of stuck if you have this furniture in the same spot for a long period of time.

So move the furniture around.

It's why when I was a brick and mortar therapy location,

I would often move my office furniture,

But then I'd at the same time have to move it back to the same spot because my clients were in their own routine.

I would get kind of off track when I moved the couch somewhere else and they weren't looking out the window in the same way.

So if you have to even move it back to where it was,

Still moving it around and letting it just kind of be in a different space for a few hours can help.

And then lastly,

You can just start with a mantra that you say maybe for a minute in the morning and a minute at night or whenever you need it through the day.

And it can just be something as simple as I am love because when we notice and recognize that fundamentally our base being of who we are,

The river that runs through us is love,

Well non-forgiveness is not in the river of love.

It's just a block that's trying to create a barricade,

But you are fundamentally love and love embraces forgiveness,

Including the forgiveness that you deserve for yourself.

As always,

Thanks for sharing space with me.

I look forward to seeing you again real soon,

My friends.

Have a good one.