Dropping Expectations For Better Relationships

Not everyone thinks the way you think,

Knows the things you know,

Believes the things you believe,

Nor acts the way you would act.

Remember this and you will go a long way in getting along with people.

Quote by author Foreman When was the last time you were frustrated by someone?

Maybe they have a habit that gets on your nerves.

Maybe they are always missing deadlines,

Don't follow through,

Or you just don't see eye to eye.

It doesn't really matter what the difference is.

There are endless possibilities and we all have a long list of why someone frustrates us.

We expect those in our lives to act or be a certain way.

When they aren't,

We don't like it and our relationship may suffer.

Do you expect too much from others or do you accept others as they are?

We have a choice in how we accept others.

Having better relationships means accepting others as they are by dropping our expectations of them.

Learning to accept them,

Even when they don't approach life the same as you do,

Is what makes the relationships fun and interesting.

First,

What is meant by relationships?

Relationships are a social circle of people that we connect and contact regularly.

It includes family,

Personal,

Business,

And work interactions.

How we treat others and the way they treat us has a profound effect on how strong the relationship is.

There are three options when dealing with others' actions in a relationship.

Number one,

You can cut them out of your life if you can't accept them.

This will work for some,

But not the people who matter.

Number two,

You can be frustrated and aggravated every time they do something that annoys you.

It's not really going to work either.

And finally,

Number three,

You can accept them for who they are.

Dropping the expectations of what we think they should be and embracing acceptance is how we grow ourselves and our relationships.

Acceptance is the true thing everyone longs for,

The one thing everyone craves.

To walk in the room and to be greeted by everyone with hugs and smiles.

And in that passing moment,

You truly know you're loved,

Needed,

And accepted.

So in this talk,

I really want us to learn how to drop our expectations and embrace acceptance.

We're going to talk about the different types of relationships,

The expectations of others,

And how to embrace acceptance and tips on dropping those expectations.

So first up,

The different types of relationships.

We often associate relationships with romance.

There are four different types of relationships that we all have in our lives.

Family relationships,

Friendships,

Romantic relationships,

And professional and work relationships.

And family relationships are relatives or family or the people we connect with through some form of kinship.

This can be our parents,

Siblings,

Cousins,

Grandparents,

Or through marriage,

Such as in-laws,

Step parents,

Step siblings,

Or from adoption and so forth.

Family relationships are often filled with arguments and disagreements from the amount of time we spend together,

Often in close quarters.

Parents and grandparents often set the rules and discipline while offering guidance and support.

Dropping our expectations of how other members of our family act or lives can really help have a calmer,

More loving relationship.

As children grow into teenagers and beyond,

They become more independent and the relationship dynamics change.

Parents and guardians at this stage need to learn how to accept the person their child is becoming and drop expectations of them or who they think they should be.

In our friend relationships,

Friends are those who aren't related to you,

But are people you've chosen to interact with.

They are people we trust,

Care about,

And want to spend time with.

There are different levels of friendships.

Losing the judgment and expectations you have of your friends and instead just respecting them and being supportive helps you build closer relationships.

In business and work acquaintances,

These are the people we see regularly but aren't close to.

We collaborate them or do business with them in some way.

These relationships work best when you're polite and respectful to each other to avoid conflict and stress.

Then finally,

Romantic relationships.

Romantic relationships are our connection to another person we feel both strongly attracted to physically and to each other's personalities.

Romantic relationships are the closest form of relationship as the two involved see each other often.

These relationships are built on love,

Trust,

Respect,

Acceptance,

Support,

And shared interests.

It's important for a healthy relationship to remain healthy.

To do that,

Each person in the relationship must drop any expectations of how the other person should act,

Behave,

Or think,

And accept them for who and how they are currently.

Relationships of all kinds are apparent in every area of our life.

Learning to accept another person's differences,

Opinions,

And habits without judgment helps you create a better,

Longer lasting relationships.

So,

Dropping the expectations of others and ourselves.

When you stop expecting people to be perfect,

You can like them for who they are.

Most of us have,

At some point,

Spent time worrying about what other people think of us.

We try to please someone who is incapable of ever being pleased.

Or we spent time trying to do what's expected of us,

Only to be let down by others not appreciating it or criticizing us.

When we live our lives on the expectations of others or put unnecessary expectations on others,

We aren't being true to our own morals,

Needs,

And values.

We put undue pressure on the other person to act or be in a way that isn't who they are.

When you expect too much or too little out of others,

You are putting an unhealthy quality into the relationship.

We tend to form expectations about how other people act or how they feel.

We might project how we feel or how they feel or how we might act in a specific situation onto the other person,

Thinking they will feel or act the same way you do.

Then when they don't,

We feel resentment or disappointed.

Our beliefs might be based entirely on what someone else has told us or it comes from our experiences.

Expectations might be attached towards specific people such as coworkers or partners,

Friends or family members.

You could have expectations towards organizations,

Brands,

Religions,

Or businesses.

You could have expectations of yourself that are unrealistic.

It can be difficult to deal with someone who is always expecting you to be a certain way.

And when you do this to others,

It puts a strain on the relationship.

Luckily,

There are ways to start releasing your expectations of others.

Number one,

Communicate.

Talk to them about what they expect of you and what you expect from them.

Understand that you're not obligated to live up to anyone's expectations.

Do things because you care,

Not because it's expected of you.

Do what you know is right.

Number two,

Don't blame your partner,

Friend,

Coworker for your own emotions.

No matter what happens or what others do,

What other people say,

No matter what goes wrong,

You are responsible for your own thoughts and your own emotions.

No one has the power to make you feel a certain way.

Number three,

You have the power to choose how you feel by how you react to the situation.

In the same vein,

Don't expect the other person to act in a certain way or do something they don't want to do.

And if you do,

Don't let your emotions or the way you act guide what you do.

Number four,

Don't compare your relationships to other people's relationships or even different types of your relationships.

Each one will be different.

Drop any expectations that one person will act in a certain way just because another one does.

Every one of your relationships should be built on respect,

Boundaries,

And good communication.

Don't compare yourself with other people.

Number five,

Drop expectations by being realistic about who they are and who you are.

See them as they are and accept them as they are.

They will have faults,

Flaws,

And habits that might bother you,

But you have ones that get under their skin as well.

Number six,

Be open-minded.

Remain open to others' thoughts,

Actions,

And feelings.

Don't be set in your thinking so much that you won't consider other people's feelings and thoughts.

View their actions as an opportunity to learn something new.

Number seven,

Be resilient.

Know that you can manage any situation or difference of opinion.

Number eight,

Be realistic.

Base your thoughts on realism.

Number nine,

Accept whatever comes your way,

The actions and behaviors of others as they are.

Don't try to be in control of every detail of your life or another person's life.

Number ten,

Stop overthinking.

Focus on the moment,

Not the behavior or action.

The other person may do or say something that you think is about you,

But is it?

It could be they are reacting to something else entirely.

And number eleven,

Smile and let go.

When there are struggles or disagreements in the relationship,

No matter what type of relationship it is,

Try to let it go.

Every relationship has disagreements and struggles.

Learn to smile and move on.

And number twelve,

Feel gratitude and find positives in the relationship.

Be grateful for the other person and the good things about them and the relationship.

Celebrate the positives about that relationship.

Building great relationships come from communication,

Compromise,

And letting the other person be who they are without expectations.

And dropping your own expectations of them and those of yourselves help you to be a better friend,

Co-worker,

And romantic partner.

Embracing acceptance.

I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations and you're not in this world to live up to mine.

Quote by Bruce Lee.

We've seen how we can drop our expectations of others to act or be in a certain way.

It's important to accept them as well.

Embracing acceptance of others and yourself as you are helps you build better relationships with those in your life.

We are all products of our own upbringing and our experiences.

This will naturally cause us to have differences of opinion on a wide range of topics.

If we were all the same and thought the same,

The world would be an incredibly dull place.

The problems keep many from having good relationships comes from not accepting others for their differences.

Here are several ways to accept others as they are.

You can watch your thoughts and how you think about others.

You might think things about other people,

Judging them in your thoughts without even realizing you're doing so.

Pay more attention to your thoughts and change them to ones of non-judgment.

Look for the good.

When you don't accept others,

It's often the result of only seeing the negatives in them.

Instead,

Focus on the positives you see in them.

Look for what's good about them in their choices or actions.

Your way isn't always going to be the best way.

Stop judging yourself because our judgments of others is often a reflection of our own criticisms.

Don't put pressure on yourself to do or act a certain way.

Not judging yourself or others is key to acceptance.

Reverse the situation by asking yourself,

How would you feel if someone were judging you and not accepting you?

Imagine someone constantly telling you to act this way or do something this way or whatever you're judging about.

How annoying would that be to you?

Try to avoid the right,

Wrong way of thinking.

It's easy to see the world in the right and wrong way of doing things.

But that's not how life is.

One person's idea or behavior doesn't have to be wrong for another person's to be right.

Accept them as they are.

Tolerance is key to accepting others for better relationships.

There's no reason you can't maintain your own identity and still have a different opinion to someone else.

Everyone has their own opinions and experiences that form the way we believe and act.

Even when you don't agree with everything someone says doesn't mean you can't have a relationship with them.

Treat others with respect,

Even when there are differences.

Accepting others by treating them with respect helps you build a good relationship with them.

Listen to the other person.

Don't just do the talking.

Listen to what they have to say.

Listen to their opinion.

Acknowledge what they say and even if you still disagree,

Accept what they have to say.

Good communication is key to building a good relationship.

Finally,

Being able to accept others even when they act or do things different from you is necessary for building good relationships.

Even when you disagree with the other person,

Accepting them as they are enhances our own lives.

So now that you've learned how to embrace acceptance,

Let's now move on to actually building those better relationships.

Dropping your expectations and learning to accept others for better relationships are just part of having meaningful relationships.

So here's a few ways you can really develop those meaningful relationships.

Number one,

Agree to disagree on some things.

You don't have to be in perfect agreement about everything.

It's fine for everyone to have their own opinion.

Number two,

Have deeper conversations.

Talk about the things that truly matter to you.

This helps you have strong emotional connections with people who believe in the same things and have similar interests.

Number three,

Don't be afraid to show vulnerability.

Some people try to only show a side that seems perfect.

They don't talk about their mistakes and failures or they hide their weaknesses by hiding your flaws.

You appear cold and impersonal,

Making it hard for others to connect with you emotionally.

Number four,

Be honest.

Say what you genuinely think without being offensive and do what you say you'll do.

People trust you when you have integrity.

And number five,

Be supportive of others.

When people can rely on each other,

They can build connections,

Identify the important people in your life,

And be there for them as much as possible because you can't be there for everybody all the time.

Being honest,

Open and supportive are just some of the things you need to build better relationships in every area of your life.

But what about self-respect and your relationships?

What is self-respect and how does it affect your relationship with others?

Self-respect is a form of self-love with the belief that you are just as important and worthy of love and respect as everyone else.

When you believe this yourself,

It projects confidence out to others.

It helps others see and treat you as worthy and with dignity.

You have the ability to recognize your strengths and your limitations.

The limitations are then viewed as areas you can grow instead of signs of failure.

Self-respect includes taking care of your body,

Mind,

And spirit while setting healthy interpersonal boundaries.

It's being assertive when others are trying to hurt or take advantage of you.

Self-respect is being kind,

Accepting,

And loving to yourself the same as you would to others you love.

You know your self-worth and expect to be treated well and with respect as a result of having self-respect.

You know what your values are and you live by them.

You're willing to defend your values and actions even with the challenges that really affect today's society.

Having self-respect allows you to offer more to create healthy connections to others in friendships,

Romantic relationships,

And any other type of relationships you may have.

This self-love and dignity you have for yourself helps set the course for others to do the same as well.

Without self-respect,

You may end up in relationships that are unhealthy,

Demeaning,

Or damaging in some way.

The other person begins to treat you only as well as you value yourself.

They may treat you with disregard,

Not value your opinions or thoughts,

And just don't appreciate you in any way.

Self-respect is important in having healthy,

Fulfilling connections with others.

It helps you drop expectations for others' actions and thoughts and accept them as they are as well.

Also,

Expectations and acceptance.

Dropping expectations and embracing acceptance of others is important in every relationship you have.

Every connection we have is some type of relationship,

Whether it's professional work or business.

Those relationships are how we connect with friends.

Romantic relationships are those deep love connections with one another.

And family relationships,

Those born in your families,

As we've discussed,

Can be through adoption,

Marriage,

Or through blood.

We often have expectations of how we want or how we think others should act,

And this can cause those relationships to suffer.

When others are continuously trying to live up to your expectations,

They become frustrated and begin to believe the relationship isn't worth it.

It shows them that you don't respect them for the way that they are.

Instead,

I want you to practice dropping those expectations.

When you catch yourself saying or reacting in a way that is negative,

Stop and reframe the action or thoughts.

Look at their differences as a way for you to grow and learn something different.

Let go of the frustrations and aggravations that you can't control.

When you allow acceptance in,

You're able to control what you can.

Embracing acceptance lets you see the good in others.

You formed a relationship with them for a reason.

Remember what is great about them before you start in on the negative feelings.

Remember,

Even you do things that frustrate others in your relationships,

And none of us are perfect.

But when you accept others as they are,

They will in turn accept you.

Embracing acceptance and dropping expectations strengthens relationships,

Focusing on the best that they have to offer so that you can grow closer.

Through self-respect,

You are better able to genuinely drop your expectations and embrace acceptance of others.

Learning to love yourself and all of your faults,

Flaws,

And odd behaviors helps you better understand the differences of others.

Thank you.