25. Loving Yourself: How To Live Your Potential

Respecting yourself,

Appreciating yourself,

I believe are probably the most fundamental spiritual teachings.

And if you don't have that,

And more importantly,

If you're not growing that,

Everything in your life is going to be limited.

How much are you really in that space of,

I am a powerful force.

I am meant and destined for greatness,

And I just need to tap in and to awaken that part of me that's been dormant.

All spiritual wisdom,

All important teachers,

They're never meant to give you something you don't have.

You can go to the best teachers in the world,

To the most spiritual people in the world,

And take and take and take and take.

But if your thought,

Your consciousness is,

I need them to give me something I don't have,

It's never going to work.

Perfection is impossible.

It's a word that should be banned,

I think.

And from that place,

Have a very messy life.

Be messy about it.

Try everything.

Do everything.

Offer yourself in ways that are uncomfortable a little bit.

Stretch beyond what you think is even possible.

Welcome to Spiritually Hungry Podcast,

Episode 25.

Yay.

Woo.

Partay.

We are going to speak about one of my favorite topics,

And that would be love.

We're going to speak about self-love,

Though.

I think before we get into that concept and unpack it,

I want to talk about love in general,

Because I think that,

And I've talked about this often,

Especially when I'm on other people's podcasts,

Self-love is something that people think they're going to pick up at some point in their lives,

And usually after they find somebody who loves them unconditionally.

Or- If they're even thinking about it,

Right?

I mean,

If they even think about it.

Well,

It's certainly not a priority.

The priority is to find somebody who will- Love you.

Love you,

Make you feel whole,

Complete,

Fulfilled,

A sense of belonging,

All of those things.

And we are here to say that you really can never achieve those things fully to the maximum that you can without visiting that first fundamental step of learning to love yourself.

Right.

And I think that's a point you really make in We Think Love,

That rather than focus outward,

Which is important,

You do want to be in a relationship.

You don't want to find the person who will love you,

But it has to start with your love for yourself.

But by the way,

Even if we just break that down for a second,

Right?

How can you really give to somebody in ways you haven't learned to give yourself?

Right?

You just won't be able to.

And how can you receive from somebody if you haven't received it from yourself?

Absolutely.

So I think a few questions in speaking about love is I want our listeners to ask themselves,

What is it that you believe about love?

Right?

And this is going to go into relationships for a second,

Because I think that it will take us then back to the relationship with self.

So the first question is,

Do you believe that once you find the one,

Your life will finally begin?

And I was actually on a call with somebody earlier today who is divorced and just finished a relationship with somebody else,

And she's at that step again of believing that.

Right?

So I think it's a really important question.

The other question is,

Do you believe that if your partner was more affectionate,

Supportive or different,

Somehow your relationship would flourish?

Do you believe that you chose- Well,

That might be true regardless of your relationship with yourself.

Your partner just might not be loving enough.

If you're putting time and energy with the relationship you have with yourself,

It's hard to just look externally for the things that are not working.

Right?

The next question is,

Do you believe that you chose the wrong person and that you would be happier with somebody else?

Do you believe that your partner should always make you happy?

And I think that these are pretty common beliefs that many hold.

And you're saying they're all false?

I'm saying that if the emphasis is on that part,

Then- External to you.

Then yes,

You're never going to find the love,

Not the person,

But the love that you're craving.

And you also won't be able to give it to yourself because all these things that you believe about love are somehow flawed or untrue or limiting.

And too much focus outward,

Even to your partner.

Exactly.

So these beliefs,

These feelings,

Expectations,

I think are really normal.

They're also illusions.

And I think that the thing that's missing in all these questions is the most important thing,

Which is the you aspect.

Where are you?

And all these questions that I just posited,

Where is you?

So I think that that is for anybody who's looking,

You need to shift the focus from finding the one to being the one.

Right.

Isn't that the title of a very important chapter in Rethink Love?

I'm assuming at this point,

All the people listening to this podcast have already bought for themselves and their family gifts of Rethink Love.

If you haven't paused the podcast and go to Amazon,

Make sure you do that.

So I thought it was interesting that you actually wanted to speak about self-love because since I've known you intimately,

It seems something that you just possessed,

Which I think is really unusual.

I have to say you don't have the hangups that a lot of people have.

And you also didn't have a lot of issues to work through.

And I think a lot of people say,

You had amazing parents and you did.

But I think that it's still very unusual.

I do think it's interesting because as we were talking about this topic and that phrase,

Right,

Self-love is or loving ourselves is something that is not the full focus,

I think,

Of what we're trying to talk about.

And I think Ritushkos here,

What you were saying is that really appreciating yourself and respecting yourself.

That's all part of the whole.

And I think that because of a deep spiritual study and practice,

That's what brought me to that.

I don't know if I would ever say I love myself.

I was sort of worried that maybe a little bit too outside of the way I was thinking,

But certainly- Love myself and I don't need anybody.

That's fine.

No,

Who seems that?

I really haven't heard it.

I work out to it,

But anyway,

Yes.

Oh,

Okay.

I don't work out to it.

That respecting yourself,

Appreciating yourself,

I believe are probably the most fundamental spiritual teachings.

And if you don't have that,

And more importantly,

If you're not growing that,

Everything in your life is going to be limited.

So it's interesting.

One of the things people sometimes point out when I speak,

When I give a lecture,

I'll always say this is the most important thing and everybody makes fun of me for that because,

And for me,

Whatever I'm talking about right then is certainly a very important topic.

So I would say that appreciating yourself and respecting yourself is probably the most important cornerstone of any life that you build.

And more importantly,

You have to be growing in appreciation for yourself.

You have to be growing in respecting yourself and growing in love for yourself.

Okay.

That's really cute and true.

But what I want to challenge you with a little bit is that I think that everybody kind of,

For the most part,

Comes into the world loving themselves,

Appreciating themselves,

Respecting themselves,

Right?

And then things happen in life,

Situations,

Painful situations,

And then their response is not respecting themselves,

Not loving themselves,

Not appreciating themselves,

And then they get stuck in that pain.

So you're talking about growing that.

I'm thinking that people have lost that and instead of going back and saying,

Okay,

I can change this,

I can think of a situation or a painful experience in a new way,

They look externally for somebody else to make them feel.

For sure.

But what I would say is spiritually,

We know that there are different forces in our world,

Not just the ones that we interact with on the physical level.

And what the sages have said is that one of the most powerful places that we are challenged in life is the diminishment of ourselves in our own eyes.

That that's really the focus of all negative energy in this world and all negative interactions that we have.

The core and purpose of all that is that I lose respect,

Appreciation,

Love for myself.

And that if it was possible to live with a,

I don't want to say the word growing now,

You scared me,

But the true sense of who we are,

Who our soul is,

That power,

That beauty,

That strength,

Many of us would be living very different lives.

And that's why- I love,

I think this actually,

It's such a great exchange here because I think that,

We have this a lot when we speak together.

You speak about this elevated state of where we need to keep going and I,

A thousand percent.

And then I then hear you and I'm like,

Okay,

I imagine people who are wounded.

If you look at children playing,

They have such spirit,

They do love themselves.

They believe that they can do anything.

They're very connected to something greater.

They appreciate themselves.

They're proud of themselves.

Just in the way they act and they do things,

Sing and there's no shame for the most part.

And then- Because I would say they're connected to truth,

Right?

They're connected to who they really are.

Yes.

And then often from elderly people,

Parents- Older,

Not necessarily elderly.

They get feedback that somehow you should be embarrassed by that or you shouldn't have done that or that was wrong.

And then they get stuck in that.

So I think a lot of the work I do is helping people get from that space to the space that you're talking about.

But I do think it's an important point because it's so beautiful,

Right?

We all come from that and then we lose it somewhere along the line.

And more than that,

I think there's a phrase that I really like and I think about often,

I think about for myself and certainly when I'm speaking to other people,

That our soul,

Our essence,

It says it's a part of God.

It's an aspect of the force that created this universe called the creator,

Call it God.

And when you realize that,

That we aren't these random beings trying to make ourselves or make our lives and make ourselves into something,

But that innately,

Inborn,

Before we even knew ourselves,

We are,

We were,

And we are this unbelievable power.

Force.

Force,

Power.

And I think it's important that we understand that no matter what we do,

Because I think often what happens,

People don't have this awareness,

Right?

So the first thing that I would say to our listeners is know that what you are,

That who you are in your essence is a powerful force beyond anything you can even understand.

That's who you are.

That's who I am.

That's what we are now.

First,

You have to begin with that consciousness.

If you don't have that consciousness,

If you're not growing that consciousness,

You'll be missing out on so much of what you can and are meant to do,

Can and are meant to accomplish,

Can and meant to experience.

So it starts there,

Right?

It's funny.

It took me a long time to be able to claim that,

Reclaim it.

Know it,

Right?

Because the beauty of this understanding is that this is not something that came to me or that I even earned or that I grew.

This is actually who I am.

This is actually who I am right now.

Every single one of our listeners is a beautiful,

Powerful force.

Again,

Most of us aren't even close to uncovering that yet.

Even on our best day,

No.

For sure.

But I do want,

I want our listeners to really,

A way to tap into this until you're able to fully know it is to look back at times in your life,

Whether in your childhood or even now where you really felt like you were in your power.

Whether you were doing something,

Delivering something,

Offering something,

And you felt powerful.

Not from a place of ego,

But just really whole and complete.

Whether you're sharing,

It's that space,

Right?

And we are meant to actually be in that space all the time.

That's not supposed to be something that comes and goes or that's a one-off or a miracle.

It's supposed to be something that we actually are in that state all the time.

Right.

For sure.

For sure.

And I do ask our listeners to really think on this idea,

Meditate on this idea because unless you begin to know this to be true,

That you are an awesome being,

Right?

That you have this unbelievable light,

Soul,

Essence,

Whatever you want to call it,

That is so far beyond anything,

Any concept that you have.

Unless you really have that consciousness and own that and think about it often,

You're not going to experience it.

You know what's so interesting too,

Speaking of external,

I think very often people say,

And I hear this a lot,

Their life is still not working for them and they don't know why.

I had a conversation with somebody yesterday and they're like,

I'm journaling and I have my crystals and I do a meditation with the candle and I'm going to this coach and I'm speaking to that healer,

I'm trying everything but nothing's moving.

The one thing I can tell you that they haven't tried and I think this is true for many is this idea of how much are you really in that space of I am a powerful force.

I am meant and destined for greatness and I just need to tap in and to awaken that part of me that's been dormant.

And I think that's such an important point,

Especially in the realm of spirituality.

A lot of people search,

Are going outside and- And they think they're do,

But that's the thing,

That's the painful part,

Right?

Like all of these actions,

All this money spent,

All this time and energy and nothing's working but that doesn't even make sense if you look at the way the world's set up,

Right?

And this goes back to something,

I think something we actually did touch upon in one of the previous podcasts that all spiritual wisdom,

All important teachers,

They're never meant to give you something you don't have.

If you are going to a healer,

To a spiritual teacher to get something that you're lacking,

You're never gonna get it,

Never.

You can go to the best teachers in the world,

To the most spiritual people in the world and take and take and take and take.

But if your thought,

Your consciousness is I need them to give me something I don't have,

It's never gonna work.

And again,

It can help a little bit this,

It could help a little bit there,

But the truth of who you are will never become manifest for you.

And that's why again,

There's a lot more I know that we wanna share about this,

But I would so underline,

Underscore this thought because anything else is not gonna mean very much unless you really begin with this knowledge of yourself.

And what I would add is that again,

I'm sitting here and I've been involved in spiritual study and teaching and writing and so on for all these years.

I know that even about myself,

Whatever awareness I have of the power,

The greatness,

The awesome energy that I am,

It's a tiny fraction of actually who I am,

Who I really am.

But I really do,

I feel like we have,

Because I'm just hearing the people that I speak to day in,

Day out.

This is not just at all about positive psychology,

Right?

I'm gonna think these thoughts and therefore it is.

No,

No,

This is truth.

No,

But I think it's really important.

So let's talk about why it's truth.

A lot of people don't feel connected to that aspect of themselves.

They're not feeling their soul.

You know what they're feeling?

Their mistakes.

They're feeling regret.

They're feeling years of wasting time in a bad job you don't like or a poor relationship or an abusive home,

Whatever it is,

Right?

So how do we get people to really understand this truth?

Of course we know it's truth and we've been practicing this wisdom for a very long time,

But how do we help our listeners get from that state?

Because most people are in a state of lack.

And when you're in a state of lack,

It's very hard to actually believe that you are super powerful.

Right.

But I accept that completely and I know for a fact,

And again,

Talking to many people and even talking to myself,

Right?

There's a certain level of blindness that we have to who we really are.

So I would say,

First of all,

I really strongly believe that it simply begins with meditating upon this,

That really taking the time to,

No matter what our conscious mind wants to tell us,

Keep repeating over and over again how powerful you are.

And again,

The phrase that I can,

As I said earlier,

There's that phrase,

Which is that I am a piece of the endless light of the creator that is again,

The force that created,

I have within me sitting here,

The force that created the world.

That is actually who I am.

The second part,

Which I think really goes to your point is that we are a paradox,

Each one of us.

And it's important to understand that paradox.

There's a phrase that is used,

Good and bad,

Light and darkness,

Each one of us.

And this,

And it's important to say,

This does not negate the first thing we said.

As we're sitting here- You have two choices.

I have two choices and I am actually a mixture of two things,

Light and darkness.

It is very likely,

Very possible that today I will do something I shouldn't do,

Right?

It's possible likely tomorrow I might hurt somebody.

One of the mistakes that we make is to think that I meant to be perfect.

And until I'm perfect,

I can't be light.

I can't be awesome if I also,

If I just slap somebody in the face.

I know you like that.

If you didn't get such a bad reputation.

If I just yelled at somebody,

If I just did something negative,

Then I can't possibly also be this thing that I mentioned before.

No,

Actually you can and you are.

And that understanding,

That duality exists within every single one of us.

And to think that unless I am in a perfect state of- Or to wait until you're in a perfect state,

Which by the way is never gonna happen.

Never gonna happen.

That that's when I can actually access,

Believe these amazing things about myself.

That's a big mistake.

Again,

That's another trick.

Well,

I love talking about perfection because I suffered from that chronically for most of my life.

Until you got perfect.

Yeah,

Right.

You noticed that joke.

Again,

That's not a propoganda.

This guy who has this phrase,

He's not so smart and he has a horse and he's trying to save money on the food.

And he tells his friend the story.

He says,

I almost succeeded in the perfect calibration of not spending too much food.

I said,

The first day I cut down his meal to a half and then the next day I do a quarter and then the next day to an eighth.

And then I almost got him to be able to live on no food and then he died.

Oh,

Okey dokey.

Smokey.

And the idea is that we're never meant to be in a state of perfection.

We're meant to be in a dual state.

And again,

Diminishing hopefully the negative actions that we do,

The negative thoughts that we have and so on and so forth.

But the acceptance of the duality.

If we think about it,

We understand it,

But I think we try to,

The ego tries to tell us,

No,

No,

No,

No,

Unless you're perfect.

Look what you just did yesterday.

Look what you just did today.

This thing that you're hearing on the podcast about your soul,

Your essence being this powerful reality.

You're so far from that.

Exactly.

Don't even try.

So a few things as you were speaking.

I think we also consider ourselves to be the last thing we just did.

So if I did something really great or amazing,

Then I'm feeling,

Oh,

I'm a good person.

I shared whatever.

Tomorrow,

If I do something that I'm really embarrassed of or ashamed of,

Then I am that person.

And then we stay stuck in that.

And if you think of yourself as in that space of negativity,

Then are you really being able to tap into the greatest essence of who you are?

No,

Because you're only dark.

And then if you gave to charity or you volunteered,

Then you're only good.

And then by the way,

You're going to fall because we're meant to have those different experiences,

The highs,

The lows,

The ups and downs.

Only who we are in our essence.

Right.

And this is a little bit off topic,

But I think it's a very important point about how we judge other people.

If you really understand that each one of us is a paradox made up of dark and light,

Made up of good and bad,

Then you're much more forgiving towards other people.

You also understand that if I'm going to look at you and try to assess,

Is there any negativity there?

And because of that negativity,

I say,

Oh,

Not a good person,

I can judge them.

That's so stupid because that's going to be the reality for every single person.

Now,

Of course,

For ourselves and for people we come in contact,

We hope that there'll be 51% light,

49% darkness.

But the fact that we are all a paradox and every person you're going to meet is going to be a paradox.

But what we often say,

Oh,

I just saw 2% of their negative there,

I write them off,

They're a negative person.

That's a ridiculous way to view other people and it's a ridiculous way to view ourselves.

But I do think it's an important acceptance that we take in that I am a paradox,

But neither when I am feeling who I truly am,

Because as you said,

I just did something great.

That doesn't mean I'm perfect now,

I'm 100% light.

I still have that other part in me.

And more importantly,

When I have done something that I'm not proud of,

When I've done something I shouldn't have done,

That does not in any way diminish who I am.

What's funny is often different things will come up in life and somebody will do something that others view as uncharacteristic of them.

And I'll get the question,

Can you believe that they did that or that happened?

I'm like,

Yeah,

Nothing surprises me because anybody is capable of anything given a certain situation,

A circumstance,

You're pushed too far.

Anything's a big word.

And I really do believe that.

Anybody is capable of anything.

Many people are capable of many things.

All right.

That makes me more comfortable,

Michael.

Yes.

But I think that a person,

Let's say- I remember I was listening to a comedian,

Whenever somebody's like they catch a mass murderer and they always ask the neighbors,

He was such a nice guy.

Who loved that when I watched Dateline?

The neighbors are always clueless.

It's never like,

Oh,

I knew it was going to be him.

And when I watched Dateline,

You walk in and you're like,

They lived in a nice neighborhood.

They had a perfect relationship.

Oh,

They had a perfect marriage,

Exactly.

Yes.

And then one day- I said that as a comedian,

I said that to you.

You know it's going to end badly.

If they start with- Yeah,

Perfection,

By the way.

They had a great relationship.

Everybody,

I mean their relationship.

No,

But I do- Somebody's going to wind up dead.

I actually think I put this in Rethink Love.

What's his name?

The famous golfer.

Tiger Woods.

Tiger Woods.

So do you remember the- I don't remember.

The now very famous story of his ex-wife when she found out he was cheating one day and she found out a lot of information on one given day,

She took his golf gloves and started hitting them on his car.

Oh really?

Okay.

Now,

Was she that person before that?

Would she have acted in that way before?

No,

Like quite literally out of your mind,

Right?

So different situations can make any person become unraveled,

Is my point.

But if you're comfortable with most people,

Most things,

Sure.

The other thing is,

And I just want to go back to perfection for a second because in my journey of learning to love myself,

I grew up mostly in Beverly Hills.

I was born in Tibet,

Louisiana.

I grew up in the South,

Very different childhood for the first eight years.

And then Beverly Hills,

There's a lot of emphasis on external,

A lot of emphasis on beauty and things and I felt tremendous pressure to be the best at everything,

Whether it was conversations I heard in my home or being a Virgo or being a middle child.

All of those things will lead to this kind of thought process.

But I just thought if I am perfect,

Then I'm unassailable because you can't argue with that,

Right?

Perfection,

Nobody's going to bother me from that state.

Of course,

I realized that that's impossible and I stopped doing those traits and I ended up choosing to love my flaws and love my process,

Right?

Because if you accept the negative that we all have,

Then you have an opportunity to transform that if you so choose to do.

And I would add,

I think another important understanding,

I'm not sure if we've touched upon this in the past,

That the way you want to view yourself,

I would say two things.

Anything negative that I do never diminishes my greatness,

Never diminishes the power that I have.

All it can ever do is what you call it clip our shell around it.

We use the onion analogy once.

Well,

Yeah,

But for instance,

If you have a candle or a lamp and then you put a sheet over it and then the second one and the third one,

You can actually put enough so that it's completely dark and it doesn't shine.

The candle itself or the lamp itself is still shining.

You just can't see it at all.

And when you view yourself in that way,

That there is nothing that I could ever do from the worst thing in the world that would ever extinguish my power,

What I am,

The light of my soul.

All that I can possibly do and unfortunately we do is cover that light,

That greatness.

And then what happens is you see darkness,

You feel darkness,

You feel disconnected.

Because it's not shining to you.

It hasn't changed the reality of what really is.

It's like people who've gone to prison for horrible crimes and then they get out 20 years later and maybe they become a lawyer and they're doing great things for the world.

What happened?

They were able to reveal- But it was already there.

Exactly.

One thing that I would add to that idea is the fact that when we talk about ourselves and our essence,

And this is a spiritual teaching which I love.

I think it's very important.

We talk about the duality.

Each one of us has positive and negative,

But the reality is that who we are in essence is only light.

That negative part of us that makes us do negative things,

Makes us make the wrong choices,

That's actually a.

.

.

Some people call it the ego,

Kabbalistically it's sometimes referred to as the desire to receive the self alone.

It's sometimes referred to as the negative inclination.

That actually is not me.

It's a part of my makeup that was put there for me to grow from.

But it actually is not who I am.

So in reality,

In reality,

I hope this isn't too deep,

I am only light.

You are only light.

Every one of our listeners is only a powerful goodness.

Okay,

You're setting yourself up here so I have to ask the question.

And I don't want you to say,

Oh,

It's not for this podcast,

Because I think we will talk about it now.

But what about a serial killer?

Well,

Of course,

They are going to be the- Well,

You just said everybody.

Of course,

There are the extreme examples and we can't go into that.

But those anomalies are not the true essence of humanity.

There are people,

Yes,

It's possible for a person to be so depraved and negative and falling to their desire to receive the self alone that they wind up falling to such a place that really it's unretrievable.

That's possible.

But that's not 99.

9% of the people in the world.

And it's certainly,

I'm hoping none of our listeners,

Can you imagine?

I'm not sure that that person would be spiritually hungry.

Exactly.

Let's hope they would not be spiritually hungry.

But I think again,

For our listeners- Maybe we should hope they would be spiritually hungry.

Yes.

If you're a mass murderer,

Go listen to a different podcast,

Please.

We don't need those listeners.

For everybody else who is listening to us,

I think knowing this,

Especially on your dark days,

Especially on the days in the moments that you've done something,

Don't ever,

Ever forget that your soul,

Your essence is powerful,

Beautiful,

Only light.

And the only thing you will ever do,

Ever,

Is cover that,

Never diminish that.

There's so much,

I can tell you from experience,

There's so much power in that knowledge.

And I'll add one,

Did I answer- Yeah,

No,

I think that that,

You kind of did for now.

I think that for me,

When I fully started to live that,

It changed everything about how I practiced Kabbalah,

Everything.

Because until that point where I was still trying to be perfect,

Or I was beating myself up for a choice I didn't like,

Or I was thinking it was the last thing I did,

It was very hard to recover.

It would take a few days.

And then I would look at it like,

Well,

How many days did I waste this year in that state of not recognizing my greatest potential,

My greatness?

And when you recognize your greatness,

It's actually the farthest thing from ego,

Although it could sound like ego,

Because it's something from your soul straight up.

There's no room for noise.

And I would add,

One of my favorite teachings of one of the great Kabbalists,

He said that if you're not able,

After having done the worst thing in the world,

In your eyes,

In the next second to feel that you are the most elevated,

Powerful being,

You haven't even begun your spiritual studies.

Right.

And either way,

You're taking yourself too seriously.

Because even if you take the most negative thing you did too seriously.

For sure.

For sure.

And again,

As a matter of fact,

One of the Kabbalist teachers that the only reason that we ever make mistakes is not so much for the mistake,

But for the upset and disappointment in ourselves that we might experience after that.

And as I said,

I think that this is where,

Sort of call it the ego hole,

The desire to receive the self-healing,

Spend so much of its energy,

Just don't think too highly of yourself.

Don't realize what you are.

I started practicing if I did something that I wish hadn't happened or I want to do differently.

I would just say,

Well,

So that happened.

And it was a way just to move past,

Take it seriously,

Change,

But then move past it quickly and not stay stuck in that sadness.

And I would actually say is that the ultimate state,

I think for any one of our listeners,

Is great,

You've just done the terrible thing.

You just yelled at your child,

Whatever.

I mean,

You shouldn't have,

Right?

Sometimes you do need to raise your voice,

But the next second say,

You know what?

I am still beautiful,

Powerful being that is only light.

This action,

If it wasn't the right thing,

Maybe covered a little bit,

But I will never forget who I am.

And from that space,

By the way,

You can choose your next thing to do,

Whether you repair it or you.

.

.

Right?

You can't just take them from that space.

It's not how you're going to connect the next thing for them or to right the wrong.

Exactly.

And it's such a trick that we fall to all the time.

One more,

I think,

Layer to this,

Which is an important understanding.

So we are this powerful soul essence way beyond anything we can even appreciate about ourselves,

But we have to manifest that.

In spiritual terms is what we call this seed and this manifestation.

So obviously you have a seed for a beautiful tree,

A fruit bearing tree,

Let's say an apple tree and you leave it on the table.

It's true that the essence of that seed is a beautiful fruit bearing tree,

But if it stays on the table,

It remains great and beautiful,

Powerful potential,

Never manifest.

If you understand that me sitting here,

You sitting there,

Any one of our listeners,

Whatever they're doing right now,

They are powerful being.

They are an awesome,

Awesome seed,

But it's unmanifested.

The purpose of life,

And it's a very important understanding that through our actions,

Through our thoughts,

Through our words,

We actually manifest and reveal our greatness.

So if you have two people,

Both with tremendous potential,

One of them spends their lives sharing with other people,

Helping other people,

Doing important things,

Whatever that is for each individual,

They have manifested and revealed really who they are.

Whereas the other person who had the same,

If not greater potential,

Because he or she did not actively,

Consciously reveal that potential,

It remains as the seed on the table.

And this is the point.

The point is it's great to know that I am great,

But I also need to know that all that greatness is in a potential state and that my purpose and the reason- And your responsibility.

Absolutely.

It's a very important word that I hope we get to unpack more.

My responsibility is not to let my greatness remain as the seed on the table,

But rather manifest moment after moment,

Every positive thought,

Every positive word,

Every positive action that I do.

It's not just,

Which I think sometimes we think,

Oh,

If I just did a kind action for you,

What does that mean?

It means that I just showed you what I already am.

No.

When I've done that action,

I've actually become more- Of that person.

Of that- I've revealed more of that essence.

And that actually what life is about is me revealing all of that great light and all that greatness in the world.

And then it actually becomes real and actualized and manifested.

If I don't,

While it's still true that I have on the seed level this unbelievable power and wisdom and goodness and so on,

If it does not manifest,

It actually never becomes real.

The thing is too,

I think that we need to just pause for a second and let's be honest about the reality.

The reality is we are all lazy to some extent.

Our physicality,

The immediate need is comfort,

Right?

Is what I'm going to eat,

Am I going to drink today?

How much sleep did I have?

Am I warm if it's cold outside?

That becomes,

And that is a part of life and it's a necessary part.

But if we're constantly feeding that aspect of us,

The physical aspects,

Our needs,

And we don't make sure that we are equally,

But perhaps much more giving to the spiritual part of ourselves,

That part is- Or in the words that I just used,

I would say in manifesting our greatness.

But that's what I'm saying.

That spiritual aspect is the thing that is going to say,

Okay,

Well,

How can I reveal this?

That would be through sharing,

That would be through giving,

That would be through being kind,

Considerate,

Empathetic.

And I have to say,

I woke up today and I felt like doing not a lot of things that were in that realm,

Right?

I'm like,

Well,

I feel a little fried,

I feel a little burnt out.

And I was like,

No,

I'm not going to give into that physicality.

It's a choice that we actually have to make each and every day.

Right.

And what I would say is if we understood who we are,

Certainly if we understood what we could be- It's not an option to do anything else.

Exactly.

It's really not.

Can you imagine if you really- And by the way,

It's not.

I mean,

I like to toy with the idea that I can dream about it for a second.

Right,

But I'm saying I wasn't talking to you because- Because you love and respect and appreciate me.

All that and I see you every day pushing yourself to reveal that greatness that you have within you.

But imagine Jonas Salk,

If he decided,

I don't want to spend too much time researching medicine and so on.

I don't think there's one person in the world that would say that that would have been the right thing.

Clearly,

He should have woken up every day really early,

Spent all of his day during the research so he can cure and- And the mistake people make is they think that it's just him who has that potential.

Exactly.

He's meant to do that,

But me,

But by doing,

You actually reveal more of yourself that's able to do more.

Exactly.

And then you're able to see more opportunity that comes up each day.

And there's actually a story if we have time to,

For a story,

What am I- I don't know,

You're the timekeeper.

Do you have time?

Okay.

I'll give myself permission to tell the story.

There was a great Kabbalist who had thousands of students and wrote many books that people drew inspiration from and drew light from.

And every time he would publish a book,

There would be a little get together,

A gathering,

They would have a little meal,

And he would always share some words of wisdom and inspiration.

This one time he was telling them,

He said,

You know,

When I was a young kid,

I was in school,

I was goofing off,

I wasn't really paying attention.

And one night I'm in my room and I hear my mother literally in tears to my father.

You know,

What are we going to do with our son?

He doesn't enjoy school,

He doesn't study in school and the teachers have given up on him.

You know,

What are we going to do with him?

And my mother was in real pain,

He says.

And from that moment,

I decided that even if I don't care about school,

I don't care about studying from my parents,

Certainly from my mother's- It just seems tense.

It's not a story about you that people might think it.

I know you- No,

No,

No,

No.

No,

No,

No.

I'm just saying that it's not about him to- Right,

Because he was telling the story.

Other than the narrative he had with himself.

No,

He was telling his students at the meal.

He said,

I started taking school seriously,

I began studying,

I continued the rest of my life studying,

Became a very great sage,

Wise man,

Thousands of students,

Hundreds of books printed,

Published.

He said,

But imagine what would have happened had I not heard my mother that night.

And I would have continued living my life uneducated.

By nature,

I'm a good person,

He said.

So I would have been a nice guy,

I've been relatively spiritual,

I've lived my life helping people in some ways.

And then when I died,

When my soul left this world,

It would be asked,

Where are your thousands of students?

Where are the books you wrote?

Where are all the books that you were meant to write?

And I would look at this scenario and like,

What are you talking about?

I was hard,

Just barely literate and I was a nice guy,

But there's no way that I had the ability to teach one person,

Let alone thousands.

And I was barely able to read a book.

You're asking me where are the hundreds of books that I was meant to write.

And that's the point.

The point is that the story illustrates the fact that unless we really push ourselves to reveal the greatness that is already within us,

We will leave this world with so much that we were meant to do.

And as a matter of fact,

The Kabbalists say,

Often people talk about the concept of heaven and hell,

What happens to the soul and there's many scary depictions of it and so on.

But what the Kabbalists say is that,

What hell really is,

Is when our soul leaves this world and realizes what it was.

What it could have done.

What it could have done.

And I think I know for myself and I hope for many of our listeners,

This is the reality.

Every one of our listeners and every one of us is meant to do so much more help X times the amount of people that you're influencing or helping in any way.

And I think like you said,

You use the word perfection,

But I think even the question that I see people asking all the time is,

What am I meant to do?

What is my purpose?

And they look at it also in terms of just physical,

Right?

What's the thing that's going to make me the most successful or I'll get the best job.

And then they think they'll live the life they're meant to.

It's putting the cart before the horse.

You actually just need to realize that you are great.

And if you just leave the seed on the table your whole life and you don't plant it,

Right?

Through the ways that we said,

There's not going to be any perfect title,

Scenario,

Dream job or dream person or fill in the blank that's going to come to you and now make you feel realized in your potential.

It doesn't work like that.

Right.

And so what we're saying actually is two main points,

Which is that first really get to know,

I don't know if there's words,

Accept your greatness and really take the time to meditate upon that reality.

Which means- It all has to start there.

Also accept that you have flaws like we all do.

And that we're all in the middle of a process.

We're somewhere in the middle of our story of our life.

And none of those flaws diminishes your greatness.

And it doesn't stop you and it's not a roadblock.

It doesn't actually affect this at all,

This process.

The second part- Unless you let it.

The second part is start manifesting your greatness.

Don't wait for that big thing today.

Yes,

Small ways every day.

Exactly.

Immediate action.

Find one action and then another action,

Then another action because it's not,

And again I hope that I explained this clearly enough,

But I find often people don't necessarily view it in this way that our thoughts,

Our words,

Our actions are not simply a revelation of what we already are,

But they are actually a manifestation of what was in the greatness and the seed manifested.

So every time that I act in a way that is incongruence with my essence,

I help you,

I say a word,

I say a word on this podcast that inspires somebody,

I am now greater because of that.

And every action that I do that assists somebody else,

That brings and manifests important things in this world,

I am now revealed more of that greatness and now capable of doing even more.

It molds you.

It's the making of you.

Exactly.

Of each of us.

And I think that there's a phrase that the sages often use,

Which I really like,

Is that each one of us is writing our own story.

We are actually through every thought that we have and through every word that we say and through every action that we take,

Are writing the book of our life.

And you have to start doing that and continue doing that and doing it more.

The Kabbalists also teach us that what I came to this world to do cannot and will not be accomplished by anybody else.

Right.

We talk about that a lot.

What each person is meant to do is unique to them.

It's such a trick of the ego,

By the way,

To look at somebody else and say,

Well,

That person had grew up in a privileged home or that person had a better opportunity or whatever it is.

None of that really matters.

And more important,

Like you said before,

Is that if any one of us thought that we had the potential to be Jonah Salk or whatever,

Bill Gates,

Yeah,

We'd be pushing ourselves,

But you look at yourself and say,

Oh,

This is my ceiling.

Right?

This is as far as like,

Exactly.

And we put a cap on it.

We don't really believe.

And all I can say is that,

Again,

This is the way I keep thinking about myself and I hope all of our listeners,

You have no idea how way beyond whatever your greatest concept of yourself,

You actually are.

And you have to know that and you have to start manifesting all the time another thought,

Another positive word,

Another positive action,

Reveal yourself more and more and more.

And that becomes a self-generator of more growth or more revelation,

Of more doing,

Of more influence.

Yeah.

And that perfection thing,

That's really putting a lid on how expansive you can be.

Right?

You don't want to color outside the lines.

You don't want to go too far that way.

That way you want to look like everything's under control.

There is no growth.

There is no transformation.

There is no elevation.

There is no greatness happening in that state.

Perfection is impossible.

It's a word that should be banned,

I think.

And from that place,

Have a very messy life.

Be messy about it.

Try everything.

Do everything.

Offer yourself in ways that are uncomfortable a little bit.

Such beyond what you think is even possible.

And that is exactly how you reveal your greatness.

It's interesting.

I often,

Not to be too macabre about it,

But I often think about thinking of the people who are now in pain because of me.

What do I mean by that?

Thankfully,

We've never experienced this.

Their children will grow up without orphans,

Without a father,

Without a mother sometimes,

That both.

And any one of us knows that's painful for a child.

All the things his father didn't teach him,

All the things his mother,

All the love his mother didn't give him.

That's obvious to us,

Right?

That a child who grows up without loving parents is missing something,

Is missing out on something.

I think it's often important to look at the world.

There are people today,

Today,

Who because maybe I haven't pushed myself enough,

They're in pain today.

I actually could have helped them.

I'll use a silly example.

I really enjoyed reading David Sedaris,

Right?

And when I read him,

I really enjoy.

I look at my life,

Can you imagine the moments of joy I would not have had if he had never decided to write,

For example,

Right?

But imagine today,

As we're sitting here,

And as our listeners are listening to us,

There are people in the world today in pain because of you,

Because of me.

What does that mean?

That means that if I would really be living with the understanding,

I can do something about it.

I can be able to reach a million people and remove their pain.

I can reach one person,

Remove their pain,

Help them in some way,

Give them love in some way.

And there are people in pain today because you and I,

Because some of our listeners can do so much more.

I was thinking about this- That's so interesting.

As I was preparing- That's really like- But it's true.

The world today is in some state orphans and there are orphans not necessarily having not had a father or mother,

But because of you.

You I mean,

Our listeners.

I mean me.

I mean you,

We can do so much.

Certainly way beyond anything we can,

But sometimes that's,

Oh,

Okay,

I won't write that amazing book.

No,

No,

No.

There are people in pain because of you.

What I strongly believe is that if every human being felt that they could do,

The world will change in a second.

Yes,

That's true.

But we don't appreciate the orphans we're leaving behind.

So what I would ask our listeners,

Sometimes it's important to think about,

Yeah,

Your soul is great.

You can do so much.

Start doing it.

And also remember you're leaving some orphans behind today.

And because of that,

Hopefully push yourself to do so much more,

To reveal of yourself so much more so that when you look at your life,

You realize,

Oh wow,

That person and this person.

And it brought love to that person.

I brought kindness to that person.

I brought goodness to that person.

Yeah,

What do you want your book of life to look like?

What do you want it to read like?

I mean,

Even if we think about,

Like you said,

David Sedaris,

If we think about all the people that have inspired each one of us individually,

What if they didn't decide to care enough?

Exactly.

Right?

To make the effort or to believe enough that they had something to offer.

How dark our world would be.

Where would we draw inspiration and light and joy from?

And again,

Not to get too dark.

Every one of us,

Every one of our listeners is responsible for some of the darkness that exists today because if we were pushing ourselves more,

If we appreciated ourselves more,

If we loved ourselves more,

We'd be doing more.

And at least certain levels and certain people would now not be in pain,

Would now have some love,

Would have some goodness that you and I or one of our listeners would have given them.

I find it such a beautiful,

And again,

Taking it a step further,

I've shared this before,

Is that with our children,

If we see them in pain,

We'll go to the ends of the earth to remove that pain.

And we believe in reincarnation.

So what that means is that there are people in this world today who I was once their father,

Their son,

Their brother,

Whatever,

In previous incarnations.

So again,

This might be a little bit too extreme for some of our listeners,

But I often think like,

How can you just sit back and allow other people,

If it was somebody who you really cared for today,

You knew was your child,

You'd run and do it.

But you should care for everybody with such passion,

I guess.

And I think knowing that you can do it and you can do so much more.

Like I said,

Use the example of Jonah Salk,

Use the example of somebody who inspires you.

Had they never written that book,

Had they never gave that lecture.

How dark would your world,

How much darker would your world be?

Well,

We'll think about it then.

You are responsive,

Somebody else's life should not be as dark as it is because you are meant to be bringing light into it.

I think we made a good point today.

Yes.

And we also went over time.

I hope our listeners don't mind.

This is something you want to share,

But I was going to share a story.

Do you have a story?

I do have a story.

And as I said,

I feel so strongly about this idea because I really do believe,

Sort of on a macro level,

If enough people really accepted their own greatness and the responsibility that comes with that,

Our world would be a completely different place.

So I'll share with you one of our listeners,

Avid listeners actually,

Wrote a letter and as we often say,

I hope our listeners enjoy and gain inspiration from it.

Certainly Monica and I really enjoy receiving these letters and these experiences.

Hi Michael and Monica.

Actually it says,

Hi Monica and Michael.

I knew it did because I saw it on the table there.

I was wondering why you changed the order.

I'm sorry,

I apologize.

There I go,

Thinking of myself first again.

I literally like,

I don't even know what this letter is and all I saw on the page when you were about to read it was hi Monica and Michael.

I'm so sorry,

I apologize.

I wanted to drop you a message to thank you for your- You or me?

Just kidding.

Just me,

It's just for me.

For the energy you put in and the wisdom and experiences you share in your spiritually hungry podcast.

I have been binge listening to the podcast for the past month.

I can't get enough and your voices accompany my morning daily walks by the sea front.

I did wonder whether I was actually- By the way,

How cool is that,

That we get to go to the sea every day?

Exactly.

If you think about it in that way of your greatness,

You will be able to travel the entire world and put energy out in parts of the world that you don't even know about and that's why the world would change because that's how it works.

Absolutely.

I often think about it,

Even people who've left this world,

Who've left wisdom or inspiration,

They're here forever.

They're immortal.

Yep,

Absolutely.

Because it will forever live on,

Right?

I did wonder whether I was actually taking anything in and then today happened.

For the first time in 26 years since I started working professionally,

A member of my team complained to my manager about an email I had sent him.

Now I pride myself on good communication and having good relationships with my team,

So this came as a shock.

However,

Rather than defending myself,

Getting angry,

Thinking badly of my colleague and crying,

Which is what often happens when I am criticized,

I stopped,

Paused and told my manager that I acknowledged that the phrasing of the email could have been better and was disappointed that my colleague felt they couldn't approach me.

I suggested a way forward,

Which included me speaking to my colleague and apologizing for not taking the time to phrase the email better and suggested some things my manager could talk to my colleague about.

I put the phone down and thought about my actions and realized that so much of what I had just done was as a result of the various lessons I had been learning from you both.

But it doesn't stop there.

Within one minute,

I felt a bubbling in the pit of my stomach and all those feelings started screaming at me.

Why are you not angry?

You try to help him and he's just dumped all on you.

I had spent time previously helping,

In parentheses,

Helping the colleague work through some issues that he had with his role in the team.

You should not apologize.

I then realized that I needed to dig deeper.

I reminded myself about the issues the colleague was having with his role and was thankful that it was me he felt safe complaining about rather than his manager,

Which might've had different consequences and looked for my lesson,

Which was a minute that I had written the email in haste and it was fortunate that I hadn't sent it to someone more senior so my lesson was delivered with mercy.

I write all this,

In parentheses,

And I'm so sorry it's so long.

By the way,

Please write long emails and stories.

We enjoy them.

To let you know that every word you have said has reached me in ways I am probably still yet to find out.

I have been a Kamala student at the London Center for almost 15 years and have welcomed you both on many occasions.

Now I still live in England,

But by the coast and for the last few years have felt more disconnected.

These podcasts have helped me find that light within me and reawaken these lessons.

From the bottom of my heart,

Thank you,

Aretha.

That's so nice.

Yeah.

I can tell you,

Aretha,

But also all of our listeners,

Please continue to send your questions to monicaandmichaelatkabala.

Com.

Monica and Michael,

Do not send it to Michael and Monica.

We will not get those letters or emails.

So send your questions,

Comments,

Stories to monicaandmichaelatkabala.

Com.

They continue to inspire us.

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Please continue to share with your friends and keep sharing your questions and stories with us.

As always,

I hope you enjoyed listening to this podcast and inspired from it as much as we have.

Bye.