74. New Year, New You: 10 Tips For Successful New Year’s Resolutions

Be very specific.

The more specific you are,

The more successful you'll be.

So if you want to work out,

Then you plan 2 p.

M.

On a Thursday or 2 p.

M.

Every day I'm going to work out.

If you want to be a writer,

You don't say,

Okay,

I'm going to spend time writing.

You say,

I'm going to spend 45 minutes writing every single morning from this time to that time.

So be very specific with your goals,

They are more likely to actually manifest.

Welcome to Spiritually Hungry,

Episode 74.

Yay.

You happy to be back in New York?

I am happy to be back in New York,

Yes.

So it's an exciting time all around.

Today we're going to talk about New Year and new intentions.

You have your list?

Yes,

I do have my list and that old Chinese proverb,

If you don't know where you're going,

Any road will take you.

Oh,

Really?

What about if you don't know where you're going,

You're never going to get there?

Also true.

And the idea I think what we want to awaken within our listeners today and also something I think you and I do,

Especially if you come to milestones,

Whether it's the lunar calendar or the Gregorian calendar,

New Year's,

Right?

And of course,

People have parties,

Which is wonderful to enjoy each other.

But most importantly,

This is a time,

Should be a time of reflection.

But I hope our listeners get out of today's episode is some direction about how that reflection can be.

And most importantly,

Through these lists,

Reflection,

Intentions,

Create a year that will be very different.

Even if last year,

2021,

Was an amazing year,

We know that every year is meant to be even better with more light,

With more blessings.

But that can only be accomplished if you set out in that direction and really make plans and they're called resolutions,

But really plans and clarity.

And that's because I said,

I know we hope and are very much excited about that.

And I hope that our listeners become both excited and clearly directed as they listen to this podcast.

Yes.

The new year is an exciting milestone that presents powerful opportunities for reflection and recalibration.

There's perhaps no other time of the year that creates such a sense of urgency for change,

Which actually makes me really happy.

I wonder.

It's funny.

I think there's a whole gamut of people,

Right?

Some people do.

I wonder what the statistics are.

I'm sure it's very clear.

What percentage of people actually take this time?

I have some statistics that I'll be getting to soon.

But I think you and I are more unique than others in this way that we really do look for change.

We're constantly trying to change and we approach life like that.

But I would say as a whole,

I think more people at this time of year more than ever really are there because it's a built in reminder of how far we've come and an important time to take stock of all the good things that happen.

Because I think that's the other thing.

I think when people start to think about resolutions and changes in the new year,

Like,

Okay,

I got to change this thing that doesn't work or that thing or this.

But I think it's really important to also pause and say,

Okay,

What did work?

What am I grateful for?

What did happen in last year that hadn't happened before?

And with that energy,

Go for renewal and rebirth and regrowth.

But I think that gratitude has to be an important aspect of this.

Look at what goals you achieve,

New friends you made.

And that was a really big thing for me when I started to do that.

And I can honestly say I only started living life on those terms in that way more consistently about five years ago,

Actually.

I could hope I could say that I had been doing it a lot longer.

But like many,

My approach was like,

Okay,

What didn't work?

What do I want to achieve?

Instead of like,

Well,

What are all the amazing things that were part of last year?

And I think it's a much healthier way to go through life,

Actually.

Are you raising your hand,

Michael Berg?

I have no one to interrupt you.

But I was going to.

.

.

But hand raising still,

By the way,

It's a polite way to interrupt.

You don't have to call on me.

Like,

I'm going to be rude and ignore the hand raising.

Go ahead,

Honey.

No,

Please.

I really want to hear you.

No,

I just wanted to underscore what you said.

That if you come to a new year with just the thought of what are the things that I want to change,

What are the things that are going to be different,

You don't begin what I would call the canvas of gratitude.

Then you won't have clarity about what needs to change and how it can change.

I think starting with gratitude is not just a nice thing,

A spiritual thing to do.

I think it actually gives you the clarity and also strength to make changes.

Yeah.

And I think if not,

Your year probably will start to resemble last year's.

It might be different.

You might achieve different things.

You might even live in a different country or a different state.

But where would your state of being and state of mind be?

And for that shift to occur,

Gratitude is absolutely a very necessary ingredient.

So I want all of our listeners,

Even just before we get deep into the content today,

I want you to take a moment to reflect on how much you've grown and changed last year,

Because that will be the motivation for you and everything that you think about in the next,

Well,

Mihai is hoping probably for 30 minutes,

But let's say up to an hour,

Really what you want to energize into the new year.

So take a moment and just see all that you've grown,

All that you've created in this past year.

You can ignore my raised hand if you want.

No.

So I was going to ask you that question.

What is something or things that you are appreciative of gratitude for that has happened in the past 12 months?

Well,

I'm really in that space in abundance,

And I really hope to keep that consciousness going for the rest of my life.

But the last year and a half have really been like,

From somebody watching from the outside,

Like even somebody said to me,

Why you've been hit so hard?

I don't feel that because that's not my outlook on things that have happened.

If I wrote down on paper the different things that happened in my life,

There were a lot of different things that came at me,

But I only saw it in terms of growth,

Honestly.

And the last one with my surgery and the injury,

I think that was the hardest for me,

Even through all the other painful things that had happened,

Because I really had to be still.

And stillness for me is not my nature.

David,

Our oldest,

Who lives in LA now,

He's in and out now on the East Coast,

And he was trying to have a conversation on Saturday.

And I'm now mobile again,

Meaning I can actually bear weight equally on both feet,

Which is awesome.

And he's like,

You never sit still.

And I was like,

Well,

I was sitting still for about nine weeks now.

And now that I don't have to,

No,

It's just not my.

.

.

I like movement.

But my point is,

I'm so grateful just to be able to stand again and to be able to walk,

Even though I still need one crutch or a boot.

Today I worked out for the first time in nine weeks.

I'm just full of gratitude.

So I think that the gift of even having things taken away,

I guess,

In this last year,

My father,

Your mother,

Different things,

Again,

I don't look at it in a victim way.

So taken away sounds wrong in a way,

But they're no longer here.

And not being able to use my body for the way that I'm used to,

The way that I enjoy.

And thank God that was for a limited time,

Again,

Taken away.

I'm just so filled with the possibility of anything and everything.

So for me,

I'm going into this new year with a stillness,

With an openness,

And really with just a sense of fully being in the now.

And as much as I teach about those things,

I really don't think that I was able to live that consistently,

For sure not.

But I was going to get to that later.

As I was talking about,

When we talk about New Year's resolutions,

I know you like some facts and statistics.

32% of Americans are planning on making resolutions this year.

I like that.

They're planning on making resolutions.

Right.

That's up from 28% last year.

And of those 32% who will make New Year's resolutions,

75% say they intend to take them more seriously this year than they have in the past.

And that we're going to make sense of all this.

Of course,

We're very optimistic in our resolutions and intentions.

In 2016,

41% of Americans made resolutions.

But in 2021,

Only 32% are planning to.

That's a big drop in only five years.

And I surmise that might be because people have been so unsuccessful in keeping their resolutions.

I thought this was really interesting.

Only 9% of people who make resolutions were able to keep them.

Nine.

So let me ask you a question.

Have you ever made a New Year's resolution?

I've never asked you this question ever in the history of our marriage.

And did you keep it?

No,

I don't make New Year's resolutions in those ways.

I do take the time in the beginning of the year to assess.

Right.

And in more general terms,

I think this is a constant process.

But certainly in those,

Whether it's the Lunar New Year that we celebrate or the Gregorian New Year,

To really look at life as a whole.

And the question that I always ask,

Which I think is an important frame within which our listeners as well can think about their lives and the New Year,

We think it's kind of silly because human history tells us this is not the case,

That we have limitless time within which to accomplish,

Within which to do.

You came to my other point.

Go ahead.

I think the framing of the question should be with assume.

One should assume they have limited time.

Not that I have 80 years to accomplish whatever it is that I have in my long to do list,

But let's assume a person only has six months,

Nine months,

A year.

What are the most important things to get done?

What are the most important things to be focused on?

What are the most important things not to be focused on?

By the way,

That's the same Kabbalistic idea of people tend to live their lives in terms of weeks,

Months,

Years,

When in fact we're meant to live in days because each day has its own unique energy and what you can achieve in this day can only be achieved in this day.

That's not to say that tomorrow you won't have new opportunities,

But I think far too often people write days off.

I talk about this a lot that they had a horrible day,

They got stuck in traffic or maybe they got in a car accident or maybe they didn't get the deal they wanted and the day is just ruined or maybe they lost their temper with their children and then they just wait until it's five o'clock so they can go to happy hour or they can just zone out and watch the television and then start tomorrow because tomorrow is a new day when in fact you can restart your day at any given time.

Really we're meant and I think that in terms of resolutions,

If you look at,

Wow,

You're given another 365 days,

Are you going to spend each and every day?

And I think,

Again,

Thinking of it in a limited space,

Usually we like to talk about thinking in limitless ways,

Which is also important.

But I think- Meaning like in a year I'll achieve blah,

Blah,

Blah?

Right.

If I only had a year,

If a person only had a year,

I think it's a much different frame than,

Oh,

You know,

I have another whatever,

You know,

50 years,

But this year I'd like to do that.

It's a different framing and into that type of planning,

All kinds of distractions can enter.

I think what happens when you think about limited time,

If this was a person's last 12 months,

It's a completely different frame and different choices.

You will only focus on what is supremely important.

You won't be distracted by so much of the silliness that we get distracted and enveloped in throughout our lives.

So I think,

And often,

Again,

This is an important thought in the beginning of every year,

I also think it should be a constant thought that goes with us.

As I go through the year,

Am I being diverted by things that if I looked at my life as limited in time,

I shouldn't be,

I wouldn't be?

Right.

And that's interesting because I think it adds to that sense of urgency that people often only feel the week before New Year's.

That's really- I thought you were going to say the week before they die.

Well,

I think they're just too tired maybe at that point.

But it usually,

And I think that's a valid point also,

Right?

That urgency or that sense of regret or realizing,

Wow,

Why did I look at my life as limitless time to do the things that are important and I wasted time on this,

The medial nonsensical things day to day,

I think is a really sobering point.

I wanted to ask you some things.

I know you love to guess things.

If you had to guess,

What do you think 50% of the population's New Year's resolution is?

To lose weight.

Yes.

To exercise more,

Lose weight.

Well,

Exercise more actually was the first one.

But then I thought this was a really interesting list and it got me thinking and that's why I brought it up because you just said this.

I think the order is completely backwards.

So 48% losing weight,

44% said saving more money,

39% improving my diet,

21% pursuing a career ambition,

18% spending more time with family,

14% taking up a new hobby,

14% spending less time on social media,

13% giving up smoking,

10% renovating or remodeling my home and 10% volunteering and doing charity work.

Did you notice that the list,

I mean,

Of course,

Exercise is healthy and all of that's at the top,

But it started to get more and more real as we went to the bottom.

I would say quit smoking is pretty urgent.

I'd say volunteering is very necessary for a person's happiness and wellbeing,

Spending more time with family,

Right?

Those were like at the way bottom of the list and that's the trick in life.

We tend to give time to things that at the end,

You know,

It reminds me of that book Five Regrets of the Dying,

You know,

Some of these are not going to make that list and the ones at the bottom of the list likely will.

I want to ask you one more trivia question.

Please go.

Do you know how the tradition of New Year's resolution started?

No.

Is there a known fact?

I'm not teaching you things.

Yes.

Let me tell you.

Around 4,

000 years ago in ancient Babylonia is how it started.

Their new year fell in mid-March,

However,

And they made promises to their gods and hopes they'd earn a good favor in the coming year.

And they often resolved to get out of debt.

For 6,

000 years,

People have been making the same New Year's resolution.

To get out of debt.

That's interesting.

Interesting,

Isn't it?

So why do you think people make resolutions in the first place?

Well,

I think everybody at a core level,

I think we all understand the spiritual truth that we're here to change.

And sometimes we're unhappy,

A person is unhappy with certain things in their lives,

Or they think they should be aspiring for more.

And again,

I think all those are very valid and important ways to move forward.

I think the main driver is something that we strongly,

We speak about relatively often and strongly believe that no matter where I am today in my life,

And even if it's a very good place,

I'm meant to be growing,

I'm meant to be changing.

And next year is supposed to be so much more meaningful that even as I look back to this year,

I will say,

Wow,

I thought I had a meaningful year last year,

This year,

With the changes that I've made,

With the impact that I've had on myself,

On those around me,

Maybe on the world.

This has been a very meaningful and impactful year.

So I think if you start from that place,

Nothing is meant to be static.

Nothing is meant to stay the same,

Whether it's your relationship,

Your health,

Your job,

All of that is supposed to be always in motion.

Motion meaning not that it's unstable,

But rather moving forward,

Growing and changing.

And therefore I think that's one of the main drivers,

Either unhappiness with the current situation,

Or a drive to change,

To grow.

So it's interesting,

A few weeks ago we were with a small group of our students,

And you raise a question which I think is an important one,

As we hopefully with our listeners frame how you want to look at new resolutions for the new year.

And I would say,

You asked a question,

We went around the table,

Everybody shared,

What are the one or two things that you want to leave behind,

And what are the one or two things that you want to take into the new year,

Or do in the new year,

I would say that.

And I think it's such an important question,

Because if I look at it as a framework for resolutions,

I think as you said before,

Very rightly,

That begin with gratitude.

Really take the time.

People are off of work for the most part last week of December,

Certainly the first few days of January.

Really take the time to create that list of gratitude.

That has to be the beginning frame.

And then the second question needs to be,

Before you go into what you are going to do,

What are you going to leave behind?

You mentioned large percentages,

Percentages you're going to leave behind smoking.

Or some weight.

Or some weight or bad habits.

But also what are the things you're going to finally let go of?

So much of what limits us isn't so much the lack of plans or decisions to do new great things,

But we're often held back either by limiting beliefs,

Hurt,

Regret,

Victimhood,

That we drag with us everywhere we go,

Every new year.

Unless you make an active choice,

An active choice,

What are the things that I'm going to leave behind?

You can't get to the third step,

Which is what are the new things you're going to do.

I think that is so important,

So important,

Because again,

The best plans that one can have,

The best resolutions that one will have,

Will be hindered,

If not completely stopped,

By so much of the baggage that we bring from year to year.

Totally agree.

I always say you have to start with consciousness.

Even if you have a desire or even an indication of what you want to change,

If you try to change it from the same place that created it,

Your negative beliefs or thoughts that you have about yourself or your environment or your life or what you're deserving of,

As much as you hope and desire for change,

You're not really going to be effective,

Which again is why 9% is only effective in it.

It's kind of like if you're walking around with heavy luggage all the time,

It has rocks inside of it,

How do you let go of it?

You simply just decide not to carry it along for the ride.

I agree a thousand percent,

And I teach this a lot when I work on one-on-one with people,

You first must start there.

Know who you are,

Know what you believe,

And if a thought doesn't serve you,

You must stop that first because the behavior just follows the thought.

I'd like to add two points to that.

One exactly as you said,

That to think that you can stay with the old baggage and become a new you,

That's silly.

One of the great,

Sad indications of this is,

As I'm sure many of us know,

That the percentage of people who go to rehab and are actually successful,

The numbers,

I've seen different statistics on this,

But the numbers are tiny.

So it's less than 10% of people who go through rehab and are able to,

Whatever addiction they had,

To completely remove it from their lives.

And I think a lot of that has to do with the work that has to be done,

Not just in desiring and even making plans for better me moving forward,

But really delving deeply into the consciousness thoughts past that is holding us back.

As complete aside,

One of the things I know that you and I are very excited of,

In this coming year,

We are working on developing a spiritual program for those who are going through recovery,

Which is very exciting.

Because as we just said,

Without deeply delving into oneself and really coming to terms and understanding and actively leaving behind limiting thoughts,

Thoughts of guilt,

All the things that we all know about ourselves,

But don't often take the time to work on,

To actively work on.

So like you said,

That idea that there's no way I'm going to be a new me,

A better me,

If I am not actively in this time,

Excising from my life,

Certain beliefs,

Emotions,

Baggage.

Related to that,

I would say is that while it's beautiful,

And I do hope that our listeners,

While they're listening to this podcast,

Maybe with their friends on New Year's Eve,

Sitting around making these lists,

Thinking about these ideas,

This is not something that happens like that.

You can listen,

You can be inspired in a minute and even make a list.

The work of removing certain beliefs is not easy.

And for example,

One of our children has slight fear of elevators.

And I take responsibility for that only because of epigenetics.

It was the craziest thing to witness because at the same exact age,

It was like almost overnight I had that fear and it developed same age,

Same way.

And by the time she was born though,

I didn't have the fear anymore.

I had overcome it.

I wrote my book Fears on an Option.

I used the tools,

Really don't have a fear anymore.

So I totally forgot you ever had a fear of elevators.

Exactly the same way.

Her response,

The way she is asking before we go somewhere,

Is there an elevator?

I'm telling you,

Identical.

And at first it was like,

Did she ever see?

And I was like,

No,

I'd never had that after she was born.

So I'm giving her all the tools now that I used to overcome it and we're working on it,

But it's quite fascinating.

That's a whole different other topic,

But epigenetics and how we carry the things that our parents carry just because we were in their body,

We have their same DNA and how it affects us on a cellular level.

But yeah,

Anyway,

It's crazy.

So what I wanted to share is that we have conversations and we're hopefully doing the work with her to get over this.

But clearly,

And I told her this,

That this internal dialogue,

The one that is a healthy one,

One that helps us remove fears and any other baggage that we're dealing with,

Is intense and consistent,

Constant work to really get beyond it.

So I want to just make it clear that even though we're talking about relatively,

New Year's resolution could be just a list that one makes,

Hopefully this isn't just a list.

This actually becomes a new you.

And that part of what are the things I'm going to leave behind again,

Which must proceed any new things I'm going to do has to be real serious work.

And by the way,

Again,

Like you said,

You cannot expect to be the same person and have a different life.

You will go back to those habits.

You will go back to the old you if you're not actively leaving behind certain things.

And I carried that fear until I was 30 something,

Until I decided like,

No,

I've actually there's been scarier things I've dealt with.

I've handled them and I'm not taking this fear along with me anymore.

I really decided just like that.

I'm just not doing it again.

I had tools and I've been working on consciousness for a very long time and I knew that consciousness is stronger than anything else and that I could direct and redirect that.

But I think a really powerful tool for people to use,

Which really works so well and it's so easy because it's very clear is to create your to be list,

To be before to do list.

So again,

If you have a list of all the goals and all the things we want to achieve in this year,

You might make it,

You might not.

And it might not even be accurate because it might not even be ultimately what you want.

We learn a lot about ourselves and the pursuit of something.

But if you first focus on your to be,

Who do you want to be as a person?

What's important to you on a soul level?

What really matters to you?

If that family was low on the 10%,

Should that be higher up?

Then you create a to do list that supports it to be list.

So I want to give an example.

So let's use example of the common resolution for New Year's of getting into shape.

If your goal is to lose 10 pounds or live a healthier lifestyle,

Your to do list might read like this.

Put a gym membership,

Carve out an hour of morning for exercise,

Work with a nutritionist,

Right?

That sounds fair enough.

And cut back on sugar.

All of these things are very positive action items towards the goal of getting in shape.

But the to be list looks different and is almost more important.

It's a list of all the qualities you'll need to embody to be able to tackle your to do list.

And so people,

Again,

They want their lives to be different.

They create that list,

But then you're drawing from the same parts of yourself that hasn't been able to achieve it.

And we never think about that,

Right?

Like,

It's such a disconnect.

So who we think we are and who we are are two different things.

And because our thoughts create our experiences,

We want to make sure they're aligned with what we want.

So if you look back at your to do list of getting into shape,

How would you need to be to accomplish those to dos?

So a few qualities might be dedicated,

Disciplined,

Responsible,

And patient.

And then,

Of course,

You have to have an honest talk with yourself if you are those things or if you're not,

And how can you start to become that?

And if you really work on becoming that person,

Then I'm pretty sure you will accomplish the to do list of actually getting in shape.

So when you look at the qualities required to experience success and you get very honest with yourself,

These are the hard questions we all have to ask ourselves.

Are you embodying these qualities?

If so,

How can you amplify them in regards to your goal?

If you don't feel that you embody one or more,

Why?

What's stopping you?

And what would need to shift within you for you to be what it is you wish to be?

Nice.

Nice.

Very important.

And I think this leads,

Right?

So when you're deciding what's going to be different,

Right?

We talked about what you did in the past.

You just spoke about your to be list that goes together with what is going to be different about this coming year.

What I would add as a fourth element is something that I know we both feel very strongly about,

That the only way we'll ever actually accomplish any of our goals and ultimately be happy is that there's a element of what we call spiritual work,

Which in simple terms can mean going out of yourself.

We always,

I'm always entertained by the conversations we have with our oldest son,

David,

Who's really working hard and all working on his spiritual work and his physical work really.

And we're very proud of the way he's conducting himself.

But it's always questions always,

How do I get to my next level?

How do I get to my next level?

Which is always a beautiful question you want to be asking yourself all the time.

And for me,

Of course,

There's something specific to talk about,

Specific desires to accomplish.

But for me,

It's always,

If you're not going outside of yourself in more ways than you have in the past,

I don't believe any of this is going to do anything.

Well,

That's the deepest,

Most fundamental change,

Right?

Out of all this,

You can decide you want to change many little things and many aspects of yourself,

But there has to be this deep understanding and knowing that the pursuit of change and change of not that you ridicule yourself,

Not that you don't like yourself,

But that you're meant to be so much more.

And that's really,

I mean,

I think that has to be the intention of each day.

Right.

But I mean specifically actions that are for others in a consistent way,

Meaning you can meditate all day,

You can listen to this podcast all day,

You can be studying,

You can be doing many spiritual actions.

You can go on meditation retreats,

Silent retreats,

You could do all that.

It's not going to do anything.

It's really not going to do anything of a sustainable long-term positive transformation.

Yeah,

I mean,

It might fit better at the moment.

Yeah,

Yeah,

It might even last for a year or five years.

But if we look at,

And I think this is a very important understanding,

That unless you have found a way or at least pushing yourself in the direction of going outside of yourself to help other people,

It doesn't have to become Mother Teresa and move to India and spend all day,

But whatever you've done the past year,

And only you can assess how much of,

What percent of my day of my year was really dedicated to others.

Unless that is the number one resolution,

And then everything else we spoke about,

Nothing else is going to matter.

Nothing else is going to create a real change.

Nothing else is going to help get you to where you really can be in this coming year.

Yeah,

You could lose some weight,

You could get healthier,

You could accomplish some things.

You could do some things at work,

But we're talking about the deepest level of fulfillment,

The deepest level of transformation and change,

Not possible.

Because I think what we're saying is that all the things that might be on your list that you're pursuing,

Why are you pursuing them?

I think ultimately we'd say because we want to be happier,

Right?

We want to be happier,

Right?

A better life.

But again,

Why?

Because you'll be happier.

And I guess the truth is,

And people don't want to probably hear this because it's the hard work part,

Is that the only way to have lasting happiness fulfillment is to share and share ridiculously and share continuously and share without limits and from the purest parts of yourself.

And when you do that,

Well,

Then you're happy,

Right?

And then all the other things actually work for you because you're in that space.

And I would say,

And again,

I don't want to come off as rude in any way,

But I have met so many quote unquote spiritual people who spend so much time reading and studying and meditating beautiful stuff.

Beautiful stuff that I am very much for and do myself.

But if you don't understand at the end of the day,

Actions,

Actions of going out of yourself for the sake of others,

However that works for you,

However that fits into your life has to be a constant and consistent part.

Nothing else is going to work.

Nothing else is going to work.

Yeah,

I agree with you.

I think it's important to.

.

.

Sorry.

I just want to put a very fine point on this or a broad point that therefore as you're making your resolutions,

Make sure,

Make sure that one of the most important resolutions you're going to make or decisions you're going to make is how am I actively,

What are the things,

How many hours a day,

How many hours a week,

What is it going to look like?

Because that is the frame into which all any other resolutions,

Changes,

Growth benefits can come.

That's the other thing when it comes to resolutions exactly.

People say,

This is like workout,

More this up,

Be very specific.

The more specific you are,

The more successful you'll be.

So if you want to work out,

Then you plan 2 p.

M.

On a Thursday or 2 p.

M.

Every day I'm going to work out.

If you want to be a writer,

You don't say,

Okay,

I'm going to spend time writing.

I'm just going to spend 45 minutes writing every single morning from this time to that time.

So if you're specific with your goals,

They are more likely to actually manifest.

I do want to bring in a point because I think people confuse this a lot is what is the difference between intentions and resolutions?

I have the answer.

Would you like to hear it?

Sure.

Do you have a thought about it?

I have a thought,

Yes.

Well,

I'll get first.

I got to get my words in before you cut me off.

Oh,

No,

No worry.

Just kidding.

Okay.

So intentions are about being and resolutions are about doing.

Resolutions are about change and transforming into the person we truly want to be.

When you become that person,

Everything starts to fall into place and you begin naturally doing the things you want to do.

Focusing on being first is a more sure and straight path to success.

Because again,

Everything we said being of course is soul,

Right?

It's connected to the truer parts of you,

To the more important aspects of you.

Whereas doing can be mixed up with all kinds of things.

The goals exist at a set point in the future.

Intentions exist here and now.

If your resolution is about transformation and growth,

It's also an intention.

If your resolutions are to change habits or work toward an objective,

It's a goal rather than an intention.

When you set an intention,

You're actively revealing your true self and your true purpose and you're living it instead of relegating it to a thing you're going to work on over time or manifest at some point in the future,

Which was your point at the beginning as well.

Don't get me wrong,

Goals are powerful and we should make them.

But the real fulfillment is experienced in who you become while you're working towards your goals rather than their achievement,

Which I think is just everything.

And I really hope people like rewind this one part and hear it again because I think we just get so confused with being successful and being action oriented and achieving our goals by a certain time that A,

We forget the process is the purpose and B,

You know,

Again,

What was their intention?

Because somewhere along the lines,

You might've had the right intention and it can change over time to something else and you don't even notice it,

Right?

Because you're still in the same pursuit.

You don't recognize it.

Now it's coming from a different place.

Yeah.

The only thing I would add is absolutely intention is the most significant part of growth,

But it has to lead to resolutions that lead to action.

One without the other also.

True,

You need both.

Also will not bring any growth because we do know a lot of people,

And I think this is human nature,

To set many intentions and plans and then unfortunately,

You know,

Not able to really follow through with the actions necessary to make it happen.

So I have a question for you.

Monica,

What is your personal approach to setting intentions for the new year?

So as we said at the beginning,

First it's to come from a place of gratitude,

To write down all the things that I was able to manifest in this year or things that came into my life that I'm super appreciative about or things that left and came again.

So gratitude for sure is the first place.

Yes.

Can I share something?

Maybe.

I feel like this might be about me.

That's why I said maybe.

Yeah,

It is about you.

No,

This thing was yesterday that you,

Monica,

Some of our listeners might know,

Monica is working on children's books.

And you know,

As most things,

Most important things in life,

Not always an easy process to find the right illustrator and so on and so forth.

The writing part was really easy.

And then you got mockups of rough illustrations and you shared them with me.

Storyboards.

Storyboards.

And they were just so beautiful.

And I kept saying,

Which I really believed at the time,

You should be so proud of yourself because as I think about this past year,

And I think you've done so many important things,

But that you take the time to celebrate the beautiful things,

The good things,

The exciting things,

The poignant things that have happened here.

Well,

This was really interesting is we know each other so well that usually you say what I'm about to say,

Even if it's my story.

So my intentions is usually very much connected to my inner voice.

So I get really quiet and still and go to the parts that are,

You know,

That are really me.

And I remind myself of what I've accomplished.

And when I was thinking about it for this year,

It was exactly that.

When I got injured,

I remember I sat down,

At first I was upset,

But then I had a plan.

Isn't that assault?

So I think this is after the surgery,

Right?

As okay.

So I got past the surgery.

It was like the first week I was still in pain,

Very immobile.

And what really brought me joy at that time,

Aside from,

Of course,

You guys,

You know,

My kids,

You was working and I,

It was me and my computer.

And that was the only time I felt autonomous because at the beginning I really,

I mean,

To even like go to the bathroom,

Like to walk to the bathroom or to any,

I needed help.

Like it could do,

I couldn't have a cup of tea.

Like there was nothing I could do on my own except my computer or my work I had.

So I decided that I said,

Okay,

I have to find an illustrator.

I am manifesting these books.

I have the time now.

And I said to myself,

I know that the illustrator is in my computer.

Like I know that there's been an email.

I know there's some kind of talent that's come.

And when it was coming,

I was just too busy.

I was too distracted doing other important things,

Which is such a lesson too,

Because it wasn't like I was not doing,

I was doing,

Doing,

Doing many,

Many,

Many things to the point where I wasn't probably doing anything well for a minute.

And so sure enough,

I found like 10 amazing people.

I reached out to all of them,

Started correspondence.

They started to work on things.

I found this amazing art illustrator.

She's exceptional.

She's Italian?

Yes.

Exceptional.

So,

And the other thing is I cleaned out 40,

000 emails from my inbox.

So my point is that what happened,

I was in this space of like,

I know everything happens for a reason,

And I'm so grateful that Surgy's behind me.

And I'm grateful that they had a solution in helping me repair.

And so what is it?

What's my intention here?

And I,

And I manifested that,

Right?

That was just eight weeks ago when I had been looking for an illustrator for a year and a half.

So it's a big lesson in how,

Again,

We spend our days,

How we view our years,

And we get so busy even with important things that we just,

We don't notice the things that are right under our noses.

And my intention really after the injury was like,

All the things that I haven't had time to do that are important are going to happen now.

So yeah.

Nice.

And I do want to give everybody an opportunity to do this with us,

Just an exercise for our listeners.

How can they go about setting their intentions?

And I think that this is a really good step by step process.

So the first would be ask,

What do I want to be?

What do I want to do?

What's important to me?

And where do I see myself in one year,

Five years,

And 10 years?

Because now you are now,

It's not like this limitless time,

Right?

You're putting it in some kind of frame.

And they're deceptively simple questions,

But I think that some would have a hard time answering it.

The second,

And this can be daunting,

If you find your answers are elusive,

It's often helpful to come up and look at them from another angle.

So instead,

You could ask,

Who don't I want to be?

What don't I want to do?

And what is it important to me?

Because I think those other questions when you say,

Okay,

Where do you want to see yourself in five years?

Or who do you want to be?

You're like,

Oh my God,

There's so many things.

But if you ask,

What don't I want to do anymore?

What don't I want to,

Who don't I want to be?

Then suddenly you're like,

Okay,

Well,

That's clear.

And these are the things I want to remove from my life in order to change.

And the third is,

And from those answers,

You find rich fodder for new intentions simply by flipping the negative of what you don't want to the positive opposite of what you do want.

Who don't I want to be?

Well,

You can answer it,

I don't want to be an unhappy person.

And then you write down your intentions in ways that feel inspiring and empowering.

So just a few,

I'll feel gratitude every day and everything I choose to do.

If you wake up every day and you say that,

That's super powerful.

Or I'm not someone who takes things personally because I know it's not really about me.

I use that many a times.

I know that I can only give others as much as I give myself.

So I'm committed to greater self-interest and will treat my body and my emotions with love and kindness.

And another one is I have strong boundaries and I enforce them with kindness and patience.

Nice.

So,

It's hard to say a takeaway.

I was going to ask you what is the most important takeaway as our listeners begin their process of making resolutions,

Really planning their next year?

I think it's everything we spoke about.

I mean,

I think if you look at your life,

You start with thoughts,

Right?

So check your consciousness and then you address it with body,

Mind and spirit.

So body is how you treat your body,

How you live in your body,

How you spend your time,

Who you spend it with.

It's all of the environmental things.

And mind and spirit goes back to,

Again,

Who do you want to be?

And then what do you want to do?

And also,

I wanted to go into this more deeply,

But give yourself,

Be patient with the process.

Also,

We expect change immediately.

And that's why January,

February has to look very different.

Well,

No,

It's not going to work like that.

And we know kabbalistically for any habit,

For anything to become a habit,

Right?

Whether you let go of something or to create new ones,

It takes 40 days,

40 consecutive days.

So at least try that.

I just think approach all of this with kindness.

And again,

Your intentions are really living in the now.

You are here,

You are here today.

And even like I said,

Today was the first day I was able to work out again.

I closed my eyes for a lot of it because I really wanted to be,

First of all,

I was so grateful and appreciative to be able to do that.

And the second was I really wanted my body to tell me if I was pushing it too hard because my mind will push.

And that's,

I've learned that about myself too,

Right?

I'll do anything and I want to do it amazingly,

But you know what?

Just be still,

Right?

Is your body,

Is it feeling good?

Is it working as it should?

If not,

It's okay to stop or it's okay to pause.

So I think really just be patient and have kindness and of course,

Ultimately gratitude.

Yeah,

I would say again,

Everything we spoke about in this podcast and I hope that everybody was listening and making notes and following everything we said,

But the two are to really frame your life,

Your year,

Your day,

Your month,

Assuming I have 12 months,

What are the things that I will focus on,

What are the things I won't focus on?

I think that's an important frame.

And second,

Know that the word volunteering means so many different things,

Going out of your silken,

So many different things,

But know that nothing as it should be,

The best that it should be,

Is going to be able to manifest in your life unless you actually make clear decisions.

What are the ways that I'm going to go outside of myself to share with others?

That's going to be the engine that drives all resolutions,

All decisions,

Both of what we believe in the past and what we create new in the coming year.

Let me ask you one more question.

What is one thing that you had decided to do that you ultimately gave up on,

A resolution that you made that you decided to abandon?

Something that I decided to do that I gave up on.

You don't like to admit defeat.

I'm trying to be honest.

I think I would have said I gave up on,

I think it's a work in progress.

And I do speak about,

I think I've spoken about this in some of the episodes,

That I feel that I spend too much of my time still on tasks that are important,

But aren't the best use of my time or the best use of my soul's purpose in this world.

And that has been a process,

I don't think that I could say at the end of this year,

I'm where I want to be with that,

Probably relatively far from where I want to be with that.

But I continue to be resolved to the fact that I must relatively soon get better and better and better at that.

So that's my days become more and more filled with what is the most best use of my time,

The best purpose of my soul and less and less of the others,

Other things.

So we hope that you listen to everything we said today and create really an amazing plan for a new year.

We hope that one of your resolutions is to share the spiritually hungry podcast with all of your friends and family,

To go to Apple podcasts and write five star reviews,

To share it as I said,

With everybody that you know.

It's holidays,

You're spending time with people you don't usually spend time with and they have some free time.

So what better way to,

What better time to share this gift with your friends and family.

Also continue to send your questions,

Comments,

Stories,

Inspirations to Monica and Michael at Kabbalah.

Com.

We read them,

We are inspired by them.

Many of our podcasts are built around them and many of our listeners are inspired by them as well.

And as always,

We hope you enjoyed listening to this podcast as much as we enjoyed recording it.

Happy new year.

Happy new year.

Stay spiritually hungry.

Bye.