Embracing The Grey Area: A Gateway To Change

Hello,

Everyone.

Welcome to the Avenues to Wellness podcast.

I am Tamara Fidler,

A board-certified health coach and the host of the show.

On Avenues to Wellness,

We discuss everything surrounding wellness,

From yoga to habit change,

Disease prevention,

And the latest nutrition research.

We tackle tough topics,

And you will find inspiration to stay on your path to a healthier future.

Welcome back,

Friends,

And thank you for tuning in.

In today's episode,

I am going to talk about one of the biggest barriers we have to making a lasting change when it comes to our health.

As a health coach,

I've seen this time and time again,

The same obstruction popping up when people are getting started or thinking about changing something about their lifestyle.

So what is this that I'm talking about?

I am talking about the all-or-nothing mindset,

Black-and-white thinking,

This absolutist mindset where it's one or the other,

Dichotomous,

You're either completely healed or you are completely sick.

You either eat well or you don't.

There's nothing in between.

You are 100% vegan or you're a carnivore,

And the list goes on and on.

I'm sure you can think of some other examples.

So today,

We're going to look at why there's a better way of thinking when it comes to making changes to your health and evaluate whether embracing the gray area may serve you more effectively than the black-and-white thinking.

It turns out there's some research related to this topic and health outcomes,

And we'll see what the research reveals.

I'll also be sharing some cues to alert you when you may be locked into that type of thinking and what you can do instead.

So let's get started.

What started my curiosity about this topic is my sister,

Jen.

So my sister was diagnosed with early-onset Parkinson's disease when she was in her early 50s,

And this diagnosis only happened after several years of seeing multiple specialists,

Which resulted in misdiagnoses,

A lot of unclear direction,

At times unnecessary and somewhat harmful medications.

So she was finally accepted as a patient into the Mayo Clinic for treatment.

Very fortunate to now be connected to a leading specialist in the country.

At the Mayo Clinic,

They have a robust and comprehensive and somewhat holistic approach to treating patients,

And part of the process was for Jen to have an appointment with a health coach in the wellness center there at the Mayo Clinic.

So having been through many futile attempts that anything she would do would alleviate or make her feel better in any way,

She wasn't particularly moved to have an appointment with a health coach at this time.

But as she told me the story,

Actually,

She told me several years after it happened,

Something really struck me about her first conversation there.

She was asked by one of the health coaches,

What if you could feel 10% better?

Would our conversation be useful to you then?

So they both knew that early onset Parkinson's diagnosis couldn't be reversed.

But suddenly there was this gray area.

It suddenly wasn't all or nothing.

Suddenly there was a space where there hadn't been in terms of her healing.

So suddenly feeling 10% better was an acceptable aim that could now be entertained despite her previous experiences.

In my sister's example,

Of course,

We're talking about the range of emotions and motivations someone may have after receiving a serious diagnosis.

But the same mindset shift can actually be applied across the board to anyone desiring to make a change to healthier habits in any area.

Whether we wish to get better sleep or lose weight or start an exercise program,

Whatever it is,

Do we limit ourselves by demanding that we change 100% or else?

So this topic has been researched,

Mostly in the mental health field,

And having a vocabulary in linguistic markers of absolutist terms has shown to be linked to depression and anxiety.

These types of markers include using words such as always,

Never,

Perfect failure,

Best and worst,

And other words that signify this black and white dichotomous thinking.

And all of the literature I looked at consistently showed this type of thinking to be destructive to our sense of self-efficacy and our motivation.

And so I'm sharing this today because I believe this type of thinking really creeps in most notably when it comes to making changes to our health.

As I mentioned earlier,

I'm a health coach,

So I've been talking to people about their health habits,

And I do see this as a common barrier to making lasting change.

It's not a stretch to see how some of this thinking can lead to something like an eating disorder where there's binging and purging,

This all or nothing.

But I see it creeping in less detectable ways.

And here are some examples of thoughts you may have had or that you've noticed in other people.

Like something like,

Oh,

I had a candy bar after lunch.

My healthy choices have been ruined now for the rest of the day.

Or I missed my workout session two times in a row.

I'm completely off track now.

So I am suggesting that this destructive thinking pattern can be particularly detrimental to making healthy changes.

And we could be robbing ourselves of the actual change we desire if we don't embrace the gray area and allow for more ambiguity.

So what can we do instead?

The first thing to do is to just notice when you hear yourself say something like never,

Or always,

Or any of the other words that are so black and white.

Just notice how you feel.

Notice how it closes off a whole spectrum of possibilities that may exist in that area of improvement between 0% and 100%.

So there's a whole lot of space there to make improvements that are truly worthwhile.

The next thing you could do is to take time to celebrate and acknowledge small victories or what seems like a small success.

For example,

Let's say your issue is not sleeping enough and you know you should be sleeping maybe two more hours per night.

And then you go and you drink less caffeine,

You eat less sugar,

You reduce your screen time leading up to the evening,

And then you take all of these steps and you get into a rhythm of sleeping roughly maybe 30 minutes more per night.

It's not two hours,

But it's 30 minutes.

So what do you tell yourself about that?

Do you tell yourself that you still haven't met your goal and that you aren't sleeping enough and 30 minutes really doesn't help at all?

But the actual truth is that if you are sleep deprived,

An extra 30 minutes helps,

You are healthier,

And it will have a positive impact on your life.

It's not the two hours more of sleep that you had in mind,

But it's still 30 minutes more and it's going in the right direction and it does actually make a difference.

So celebrate and acknowledge when you're moving in the right direction.

The last action I'm going to share in terms of embracing gray area when it comes to making health change is really more of a reminder.

Talk to yourself like you would a friend of yours.

I mean,

If your friend was sick and she said,

I don't feel 100% better,

But I feel a little bit better,

Maybe 10%,

You wouldn't tell her,

Oh,

What's the point?

You should feel 100% better or else it doesn't matter.

You would simply be glad for her that she's moving in a positive direction.

So this is just a reminder to also treat yourself that way.

So this was episode three of avenues to wellness podcast.

And today we talked about how embracing the gray area could sometimes be the gateway you need to lasting change.

I share the story about my sister,

Jen,

Because this is what got me thinking about the topic and how powerful it can to eliminate absolutist thinking,

Especially when it comes to your health.

The research supports this and shows that having this black or white thinking doesn't lead to success or even a healthy mental state.

Thank you so much listeners for tuning in.

Please follow my Instagram at Tamara fiddler dot Avenue to stay up to date on episode releases.

Thanks again and have a great weekend.

Transcribed by https://otter.

Ai