MJ28 - 38 Blessings - Accepting Feedback (29 of 39)

Last time you saw me we looked at blessing number 27 on patience.

For the Dharma talk today we'll continue in our series on Enlightened Living to the second blessing in the Instilling Oneself with Higher Virtues subsection,

That is number 28 on openness to criticism.

We need to be open to criticism because many of our faults are less apparent to ourselves than they are to other people.

According to the Buddhist proverb from the Dharmapada verse 252,

Easily seen are the faults of others,

But one's own faults are difficult to see.

Like chaff one winnows another's faults,

But tends to hide one's own,

Even as the camouflage of a crafty fowler.

Just like a fish born and raised in water may never know what water is,

We are sometimes so used to our faults that we fail to notice them.

Which is why we need to rely on outsiders to offer feedback,

To help us identify the shortcomings we need to improve upon.

In this respect we start to appreciate that the acquisition of higher virtues requires more than just the four levels of patience described in the previous blessing,

Namely patience in the face of life's hassles,

Patience in the face of life's hardships,

Patience in the face of interpersonal conflict and patience in the face of temptation.

What we need to bring the higher virtues to their fruition is the additional patience that allows us to be open to,

Rather than ignore,

Feedback offered to us by others.

In fact the openness to criticism or not being stubborn,

Which is the subject of this blessing,

Is like another form of subtle patience,

But it is patience in the face of criticism.

Some people can tolerate all forms of hassle,

Hardship,

Interpersonal conflict and temptation,

But if anyone gives them a piece of advice they get defensive.

As examinations approach,

A concerned parent might warn their boy,

Son,

Isn't it about time you started doing a revision,

But the son turns around and says,

Why didn't you think of saying that before I got dressed up to go out?

And our receptivity to the feedback often declines if the person offering feedback is a subordinate.

The Buddha taught in the Sarvabhanga Jataka,

Those who tolerate criticism from superiors do so out of fear,

Those who tolerate criticism from equals do so only to compete,

But those who tolerate criticism from subordinates,

The noble ones praise as the ultimate of patience.

So who do you reckon is the most stubborn person in the world?

In fact everybody in the world has seeds of stubbornness in them,

But it is just a question of degree.

The sound of advice singes a person's ears so badly they cannot bear the sound.

This is why we cannot avoid mastering openness to criticism to complete our soft skills needed for the instilling ourselves with higher virtue subsection of the 38 blessings.

In the original Pali,

Openness to criticism uses the words Sova-jasatta,

Which literally means being amenable to learning or being gentle in response to teaching.

When a gap in a person's knowledge is pointed out,

Even if it is self-knowledge,

Then that person will appreciate and follow up on the advice given with respect and humility,

Without excuses or answering back.

If they are informed about a personal shortcoming,

They will hear the other person out,

Then work on improving their habits without showing reluctance,

All the while cognizant of the trouble the critic has taken to bring that new knowledge to their attention.

The diametric opposite of openness to criticism is stubbornness.

Some people think that responding to criticism should be simple.

After all,

You merely need to quit your stubbornness,

While calmly bringing to mind all the opportunities stubbornness can cause us to miss.

Unfortunately it is easier said than done.

So to get to the root of the stubbornness problem,

We need to deconstruct it.

In the Anumānasutta,

The Venerable Moggallāna Thera listed as many as 16 possible features of stubbornness in the face of criticism.

Many of the 16 features mentioned overlap with those in the Upagīlīsasutta,

Which is also in the Majjhima-Nikaya.

Those subtle traits are already known to be features of stubbornness more generally and include things like greed,

Covetousness,

Stinginess,

Obstinacy,

Rigidity,

Vanity and recklessness,

And as such would be a topic for a completely different lecture series.

But if we want to keep life simple by looking at the features relevant to stubbornness in the face of criticism,

We can reduce the number down to just 5,

And we'll look at each of these in turn.

First possible feature of stubbornness in the face of criticism is being unable to control oneself when angry.

For example,

By stamping your feet,

Or tearing out your hair,

Yelling or slamming doors.

If you meet anyone like this,

You will be taking a big risk if you try to pass on advice.

The second possible feature of stubbornness in the face of criticism is always having to have the last word,

Which,

Like egomaniacs more generally,

Means that they are unable to control what they say when criticised.

The third possible feature of stubbornness in the face of criticism is being the sort of person who has an excuse for everything.

A person who is advised to sit for meditation rather than lying down will find an excuse for ignoring the advice,

Such as,

Successful meditation means you have to be comfortable in body and mind,

Lying down is the most comfortable for me,

I don't see it interfering with anyone else's meditation.

If you meet such people,

It will be a waste of time trying to change their ways.

However,

If you recognise the same tendency in yourself,

Be quick to do something about it.

The fourth possible feature of stubbornness in the face of criticism is being the sort of person who always has a malicious way of answering back,

In other words,

Responding to a critic in a way that will hurt them.

They'll say something like,

Don't go worrying about me,

You'd be better off sorting out the problems in your own life.

Instead of accepting criticism,

They ignore the advice and turn it back on their critic.

The fifth and final possible feature of stubbornness in the face of criticism is changing the subject to avoid speaking about the matter.

Since they cannot deny the accusation,

They um and ah,

Beat about the bush and digress instead.

Like all the features highlighted,

If we can gradually reduce these knee-jerk responses to criticism one by one,

We will gradually work the stubbornness out of our system.

On what is known about the nature of stubbornness,

Three distinct categories can be identified,

And the difference is important because it affects how they can be dealt with.

Firstly,

There are those who are stubborn because of ignorance.

Since they may not be the sharpest tool in the shed,

They may be oblivious to the value of the advice,

If not out of ignorance and because they're too lazy to change.

For such people,

Encouraging them to change may be too labour-intensive.

It is as if they are stubborn without realising it.

At heart,

Such people may prefer the clarity of just being told to do things,

Rather than being persuaded by elaborate reasons.

In fact,

Eloquent reasoning might be considered casting pearls before swine,

To use a New Testament metaphor.

The second sort of stubbornness is those who are stubborn because of intransigent views.

In fact,

They may be very intelligent people,

But only in terms of IQ rather than EQ.

Unfortunately,

They may not realise the limits of their knowledge or the gaps in their experience.

They assume they already know everything there is to know,

And they are beyond reproach,

And can make themselves unpopular in the workplace because they are unable to accept advice from anyone else.

Often,

Co-workers are resigned to leave them to their ignorance,

Letting them learn from their own mistakes.

For this second category of stubborn people,

Generally they would be averse to being ordered around,

But need reasons,

Explanations and choices for the things that you would like them to help with.

If they are not too entrenched in their own views,

They can eventually be one round to another person's point of view,

Given a good reason.

However,

If their views are extremely rigid,

You will have to let them do what they insist and step in with compassionate advice when they start getting themselves in trouble.

This sort of stubbornness has often been compared to a frog at the bottom of a well,

That thinks it knows the whole of the world because it already knows the bottom of a well.

This category of stubbornness is also connected with the Buddhist Brahmadanda treatment or punishment which we will hear about later on in the lecture.

Traditionally,

Giving advice to stubborn but dim-witted people has been compared to watering a tree stump.

In other words,

It is a fairly useless gesture,

But you might at least get a few mushrooms as a result.

However,

Advice given to an opinionated,

Stubborn person is like pouring water on a dog.

The dog gains nothing from the water,

And will shake itself until everyone else is wet instead,

Because they will answer back turning the criticism on the person who gave it.

Lastly,

There is a third sort of stubbornness that arises when people are short-tempered.

These will lose their temper upon hearing the slightest thing they disagree with.

It's very hard to get any cooperation from such people who are likely to wreak disharmony in a group,

And it's not obvious how to solve this problem of stubbornness either.

It's rare to find someone who can genuinely take criticism on board,

And just because someone seems to accept criticism doesn't automatically mean that they are motivated by self-improvement.

They may be materially motivated,

Or just easily led.

Those who are materially motivated to be open to criticism are usually sycophants who make themselves obsequious because they hope for something material in return.

Children seemingly devoted to their parents might just want to be remembered in their parents' will.

Usually stubborn people change their tune whenever they are close to influential people,

In case they miss a chance at promotion.

Generally such people are only compliant to your face,

But behind your back will behave completely differently.

The second category of those who are open to criticism but in an unskillful way are those who are just easily led.

Such people look compliant and obedient,

But they are not selective.

Usually they lack any initiative of their own,

And follow the last advice they have been given,

Whether it's good or bad,

Without due thought.

If they're advised to go to school,

Then they'll go.

Equally if they're advised to cut lessons,

Then they'll stay away.

Their direction in life is as unselective as a leaf in the wind.

Lastly,

There are those,

Hopefully including everyone listening today,

Whose motivation to be open to criticism is for spiritual improvement or transformation.

Feedback from others is treated as treasure that will help them towards the goal of perfection.

Only this last category aligns with the openness to criticism advocated in the blessings of life.

So today,

Let me leave you with a quick scriptural story about how a stubborn person was misled for their own good.

In the time of the Buddha,

The kingdom of Ujjaini was ruled by a king called Chandrapachota.

This king had a name for being so stubborn and bad-tempered that when he succumbed to jaundice,

They could not find anyone in his own kingdom who would agree to treat him.

A letter was sent to King Bimbisara in an adjoining kingdom,

Requesting the court physician called Jivaka Komarapacha to take care of Chandrapachota.

Normally in the treatment,

The patient must swallow ghee to be cured.

In this case,

Chandrapachota suddenly refused treatment because he had a violent aversion to dairy products.

Jivaka considered the king's prognosis and realized it would be hopeless if he didn't agree to ingest the ghee.

So he made what may have been the world's first capsule by concealing the ghee inside a digestible husk.

Jivaka knew that after about half an hour,

The medicine would take effect and the king would regurgitate the ghee.

Beside being cured,

The king would know that he'd been misled by the doctor.

Jivaka administered the ghee capsule to the king and immediately requested the king's fastest elephant to go looking for additional herbs.

The king granted the request and Jivaka made a quick getaway without any intention to return.

When the king regurgitated the ghee and knew he had been fooled,

He ordered his soldiers to pursue and kill Jivaka.

But Jivaka was long gone on the fastest elephant in the stables and they could not catch him.

The king was angry all day and all night,

But within a few days he found out he'd been cured of his illness and changed his attitude to Jivaka,

Even sending him a reward of Si-Vayaka cloth to thank him for his attention.

From that day onwards,

Chandrapajotta made the effort to change his stubborn personality.

So to come back to our subject matter for today,

Let's see what we can learn about how to handle constructive criticism gracefully.

A lot of the advice we shall hear revolves around defusing the particularly painful Asian phenomenon of loss of face.

But even in the West,

Accepting criticism from others is by no means an easy matter,

Which is a pity because although praise may make you feel good,

Critique makes you better.

And you need to accept both compliments and criticism,

Just as it takes both sun and rain for a flower to grow stronger.

Applying the feedback you receive from others,

Whether it's from a mentor or a peer,

Can help you be more successful and reach the dreams you've set for yourself,

While exceeding others' expectations of you.

Fortunately,

The mechanism by which even ordinary people can go about handling constructive criticism can be planned for.

So let's examine the nature of the process of remaining open to criticism in four stages.

Our first reaction,

Our attitude of mind,

And disposing ourselves while receiving criticism,

And finally the follow-up.

The very first thing we need to do when taken by surprise by someone else's unsolicited feedback is to stop our initial reaction.

At the first sign of criticism,

Before you do anything,

Just stop.

Try not to react at all.

You'll probably have about one second to freeze your reflexes.

While one second might not seem like very long in real time,

It's enough time for you to process in your brain and get a handle on what is happening.

And in that moment,

You can halt any dismissive facial expression or scathing comeback and remind yourself to stay calm.

The first response most of us have when it comes to receiving even well-meaning criticism is to get defensive.

That defensive fight-or-flight response may manifest itself as denial,

Burning rage,

Or stammering.

As much as your chest feels tight and your face reddens,

Hearing our criticism may teach you something valuable.

Even the most painful comments can teach us something about ourselves.

So from the start,

Just keep your mouth shut,

Inactivate your defenses,

And listen to what that other person has to say.

Second piece of advice is to avoid answering back when singled out for feedback.

Some people will immediately criticize someone back as soon as they hear a few words of advice.

The person is truly sensitive to self-improvement,

They will not protest in return or make excuses when they are given advice,

But accept the advice with humility.

The third piece of advice is not to turn a deaf ear when given advice.

Unlike people who claim they are practicing patience by ignoring the advice that's been given.

The fourth piece of advice is to remain tolerant even to the advice that comes in the form of unpleasant speech.

Sometimes the person who offers us the advice might already be irritated or in a bad mood,

Especially if our substandard behavior has upset them.

So it's hardly surprising that they may speak a little harshly or use comparisons that are a little direct.

Consequently,

We,

The listener,

Need to be tolerant of how the message might be delivered and not be angry as a result.

So that was all advice for the initial reaction at the start of criticism.

As the feedback session proceeds,

We need to engage with more sustained attitudes of mind and decorum.

So let's start by considering the attitude of mind we need.

First piece of advice on the attitude of mind while being criticized is to have no intention to find fault in return with the person who has given us the advice.

In other words,

Don't shoot the messenger with comebacks like,

How come you're the only person to say such a thing?

We need to assume the comments are for our own benefit and that whether we accept the advice or not is no skin off their nose.

Second piece of advice on attitude of mind to have while being criticized is to have the highest respect for the person and their advice.

This means putting aside any expression of reluctance.

Whether the advice is right or wrong,

At this stage we need to accept that anyone who has gone out of their way to give us the advice is taking a big personal risk because they know they might get their head bitten off and yet they still offer up the advice.

So the recipient of criticism,

We need to put aside thoughts like,

How dare they criticize me or who are they to criticize me?

The third piece of advice is to train yourself in gratitude because the trouble they have gone to to criticize us shows that they care enough about us to have high expectations.

So even if you don't agree 100% with what you have been criticized for,

Hear out the criticism instead of rushing to pick a fight with them.

Fourth piece of advice on attitude of mind to have when being criticized is to show the greatest humility,

Which means accepting criticism without assuming that you're beyond reproach.

A third piece of advice on attitude of mind to have while being criticized is don't take it personally.

In fact,

Some business magazines like Inc.

Advocate the adoption of the three-word mantra don't feel attacked.

Assume that the person offering constructive criticism does not intend to make you feel bad about yourself,

Rather they recognize your strengths and are giving you the tools to recognize and overcome shortcomings.

It's up to you to turn that feedback into something positive that motivates you to keep working hard and improve.

Some people have a tendency to react negatively even to constructive criticism.

They might try to defend themselves or escalate the tone of the conversation.

However,

It's better to stay calm and really listen to what the person has to say in order to be receptive to their advice.

You should also try to curtail any reaction you're having to the person who's delivering the feedback.

It can be challenging to receive criticism from a co-worker,

A peer,

Or someone that you don't fully respect.

But remember,

Accurate and constructive feedback comes even from flawed sources.

In other words,

Keep an open mind to allow you to properly engage yourself in the process.

Only when the person giving the feedback has finished sharing their thoughts would it be an appropriate time to think about what they've said and begin to self-examine.

A sick piece of advice is to own it.

There's no denying it,

It's tough to hear ways that you're not perfect.

So really absorb the criticism.

You'll feel it all the way to the bone.

Nevertheless,

You need to take responsibility for what went wrong.

Lots of people don't own up to their mistakes.

They put the blame on someone else and it keeps them from improving.

Only once you own it can you get better.

Some pieces of advice or an attitude of mind are how well being criticised is to reflect on the harm brought by obstinacy.

If you close the door on useful advice others might have for you,

You are behaving like a paralysed person surrounded by useful objects none of which they can reach.

Similarly,

A stubborn person may be surrounded by those in the know but they can gain nothing from those people.

One piece of advice or an attitude of mind to have when being criticised is to reflect,

In accordance with the Buddhist advice at Dharmapada verse 76,

That criticism is hidden treasure.

So,

That implies that a person who has given us personal advice and criticism is pointing the way to that treasure.

Just take a few seconds to quickly remind yourself of the benefits of receiving constructive criticism and it will help to sweeten the bitter medicine.

Turn to look now at how we need to behave during the feedback session.

The first piece of advice on how to behave when being criticised is to mind your manners.

Anyone who is open to criticism must resist the temptation to have a meltdown or be unpleasant to the person giving the advice.

A second piece of advice on how to behave when being criticised is to listen for understanding.

You should not be afraid or embarrassed to find out about your faults because the hallmark of wisdom is never to be sufficed as to new knowledge.

So,

Having avoided defensive reactions,

Your brain is now working fully and you have recalled all the benefits of feedback.

Yay!

So,

Now you are ready to engage with a productive dialogue as to your competent,

Thoughtful self as opposed to your temperamental inner child.

As that well-meaning person shares the feedback with you,

Listen closely.

Allow that person to share their complete thoughts without interruption.

At this point,

Avoid analysing or questioning the person's assessment.

Instead,

Just focus on understanding their comments and perspective.

And give them the benefit of the doubt here because by recognising that the person giving you feedback may also be nervous or may not express their ideas perfectly.

The third piece of advice on how to behave when being criticised might be to write down criticism to make it less personal and maybe to store away and look at again more objectively after the event.

You might even privately write down what bothers you about the criticism that you just received but this part would be something you wouldn't want to share with other people.

The fourth piece of advice on how to behave when being criticised is to ask questions to deconstruct the feedback.

Once your critic is done with their rant,

You might repeat back to them what you've heard.

For example,

You might say,

I hear you saying that you want me to provide more detailed weekly reports.

Is that right?

Since you'll probably want to get more clarity at this point,

You can confirm that you've heard correctly without engaging in a debate or questioning their judgement.

Instead,

Ask questions to get to the root of the actual issues being raised and possible solutions for addressing them.

For example,

If a colleague tells you that you got a little heated in a meeting,

You might seek specific examples to help you understand the issue.

I admit I was a little frustrated,

But can you share when in the meeting that you thought I got heated?

Acknowledge the feedback is not in dispute.

You're right that I did cut him off when he was talking and later I did apologise for that.

Try to understand whether this is an isolated issue or a habitual one.

In other words,

Was it just a mistake that you made once?

Have you noticed me getting heated in other meetings?

Is an example what you could ask.

As for concrete solutions to address the feedback,

Such as I'd love to hear ideas on how I might handle this differently in the future.

To grow,

You might want to make sure you fully understand the person criticising you,

And questions are especially important if the criticism received wasn't particularly clear.

By asking these clarifying questions,

You're having a conversation with your critic and this can help to improve cooperation.

Final piece of advice on how to behave when being criticised,

If you respond at all,

Is to respond appropriately.

If you don't agree with the criticism and you are sure it is not just your ego in the way,

You can tell the criticiser that,

Especially if it's unfairly defamatory or damaging to your character.

Instead of using an angry tone,

Try responding by saying something like,

I didn't realise I came across that way,

Thanks for sharing your opinion.

From my side it seems like,

At which point do you share your perspective?

From my perspective is an incredibly useful phrase to have at the ready.

In this respect,

You need to accentuate the positive.

Your critic is not looking for you to defend yourself,

But rather to make sure that you hear what they are saying,

And that you are planning to incorporate the feedback into your future behaviour.

So don't behave like you're on trial,

But rather try to respond by pointing out the positive.

Finally,

We come to the follow up for the feedback session.

And the first very important piece of advice on how to complete a feedback session is to express your happiness and gratitude at having received the advice.

At the time of the Buddha,

They would express their appreciation with the word Sa-To,

But however you're left feeling,

Make sure you say thank you to that person immediately.

However,

If you still have the remnants of stubbornness in your mind when you receive even correct criticism,

The words thank you seem to get stuck in your throat.

So although it may be very hard,

Look the person in the eye and thank them for sharing feedback with you.

Don't gloss over this,

Be deliberate and say,

I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me about this.

Expressing appreciation doesn't have to mean that you are agreeing with the assessment,

But it does show that you're acknowledging the effort your colleague has taken to evaluate you and to share their thoughts.

A second piece of advice on how to complete a feedback session is to facilitate further teaching in order to keep open the channels of communication.

You certainly will need to follow up on the advice acting on what you've been told in a way that will give the advisor the encouragement to pass on any future advice to you if the need arises.

Hopefully by this point in the conversation you can agree on the issues that were raised.

Once you articulate what you will do going forward,

Rather than repeating the irksome behavior just to prove our point,

Once we know we're in the wrong,

We need to accept this and do the right thing rather than the easy one.

That said,

If it's a larger issue or something presented to you by your boss,

You may want to ask for a follow up meeting to ask more questions and get agreement on next steps.

If this is the case,

Then you may need to request time to follow up,

Which may be good because it'll give you time to process the feedback,

Seek advice from others,

And think about solutions.

It will give us the opportunity to clarify any misunderstandings as well as share our side of the story from a settled state of mind and keep the dialogue productive and professional.

The third piece of advice on how to complete a feedback session is to follow the advice to the appropriate extent.

Given that sometimes the advice is not 100% justified,

Just try out the advice for size and see if there's any truth in it.

Often we have to accept that it's more important to be seen to be following the advice than the actual content of the advice itself.

At the very least,

Our critic will not be put off from giving us future advice further down the road.

Fourth piece of advice on how to complete a feedback session is to do something nice for yourself.

It may sound silly,

But being open to criticism can leave you feeling vulnerable.

Take a minute to do something nice for yourself.

Sometimes treating yourself can help to give you space to understand how best to move forward.

And the fifth and final piece of advice is to meditate often and regularly.

If we can train our mind to the point of radiance and steadfastness,

It will allow us to reflect wisely on the advice given to us by others,

Seeing how such advice can be applied to improve our personal weaknesses.

In conclusion,

You can't get better without a map of the direction toward improvement.

Although feedback can be painful to hear,

Growth happens when we are equipped with the knowledge to move forward.

So in the meantime,

Keep an open mind and recognise that the person who is giving you the advice just wants to see you succeed.

And at this juncture,

It might be reassuring for you to know that it's not just ordinary layfolk but even monks who struggle with accepting criticism.

In fact,

Monks can sometimes be some of the worst culprits.

Typically,

Buddhist suggestions for correction of stubborn habits for monks come from a tradition called Pavarana,

Laid down by the Buddha that monks should improve on themselves by inviting others in their community to give their criticism,

Whatever their relative rank or status.

In the rainy season,

Monks must stay in the same location for three months.

But at the end of the period,

The Buddha made it an item of monastic discipline that all the monks in the temple,

Right from the abbot down to the most junior monk,

Should meet together and make the invitation to one another to correct each other's behaviour with a sense of goodwill.

The words used in the ceremony go something like this,

And I quote,

If any of you have seen,

Heard or suspected any behaviour of mine that was unpleasant in any matter,

Please inform me of such errors out of compassion so that I might realise my own faults and be more careful of my behaviour in the future.

So even the most junior monk has the opportunity to voice any criticism that they wouldn't dare to give at another time of the year.

So it's a little bit like open season or amnesty on criticism just for one day,

Which is allowed at the end of the three months of the rainy season lent.

Often monks have personal faults they need to overcome,

And other monks' perceptions of these might be right or wrong.

Nonetheless,

The opportunity to be open with others in the same community can help to reduce any interpersonal tensions.

Everyone tends to think it's okay to take a few liberties here and there,

Or that these liberties are not bothering anyone else,

But in reality they probably are bothering other people but they just don't want to mention it.

For example,

If monks are older,

Then they tend to keep themselves to themselves a little bit and they might snore or they might get up in the middle of the night and they might disturb others.

So old monks have got certain sorts of shortcomings.

The young monks have got certain shortcomings of their own because they like to talk excitedly all the time or go to bed late.

So unless there's an airing of the way one side sees the other,

Then there's potential for interpersonal conflict.

So part of letting go of stubbornness is being open to how we might impact others.

It's an example of the golden rule of treating others as we might like to be treated ourselves and it saves having to walk on eggshells around others in our community the whole of the time.

Even if you are not a monk,

You can make opportunities to receive feedback.

You probably don't need to go to the lengths of posting a public message on Twitter or Facebook,

Inviting people to share their criticisms of you,

Otherwise you might get more than you bargained for.

However,

You might get some of the same benefits achieved in the monastic Poharana tradition,

Simply by offering others you live with or work with the chance to speak up on occasion.

It's very effective as a way of making sure that the issues are aired within a family or a team which otherwise would grind each other down over the years.

In spite of how uncomfortable feedback sessions are,

Their utility cannot be denied.

If children are trained in such a way from an early age,

Then they can minimise their negative traits before they become too serious to avoid disadvantages of stubbornness later in life.

So,

There might be something where openness to feedback is the first step towards empathy in accommodating people's different natures and worldviews.

The important thing,

Once you receive the criticism or feedback,

Is that you need to reflect on it.

What you have been told may be true or may not be true,

But at least give it fair consideration to see whether there's any truth in it from what you've heard from the others who have taken the trouble to give you the feedback in the first place.

So just while we are on the subject of monastic stubbornness,

We have time for a quick related story.

In the time of the Buddha,

When he renounced his life as a prince in the palace to ordain,

He left the palace on horseback together with a charioteer called Channa.

Channa also ordained later in life,

But throughout his monkhood,

He was unable to make progress in the teachings of Buddhism.

The reason for this was that he would selfishly do whatever he felt like doing and would ignore the advice of all the other monks in the community.

He was so proud of having accompanied the Buddha when the Buddha renounced the palace that he thought the whole of the Buddhist community should be in his debt.

He was not ready to listen to anyone else's advice because he considered them all ungrateful.

He would not listen to anyone but the Buddha himself.

However,

The Buddha didn't have enough time to give Channa personal attention,

So he ended up as a stubborn monk.

Ananta,

Who was the secretary to the Buddha,

Asked the Buddha,

What can we do with this monk because when you eventually pass away,

There will be no one left who can guide him.

The Buddha replied,

If he is still stubborn after my death,

You must apply the Brahmadanta punishment,

Which means just let him do whatever he wants to do,

Say whatever he wants to say,

But ignore him by treating him as if he wasn't there.

Don't speak to him or do anything to cooperate with him.

When the Buddha did eventually pass away,

All the monks did what the Buddha had instructed,

And within a very short period of time,

Channa became like an outcast in the community.

Eventually Channa came groveling back to Ananta,

Pleading,

Please be a refuge to me.

I will stop being stubborn.

Consequently,

All the monks had a meeting and decided to forgive him.

As a result of everyone treating him in the same way,

He could soon realize his mistake and change his ways,

Soon after his being able to reach enlightenment as an Arahant.

So if you have a stubborn child in your family,

And you're a parent,

Then perhaps you can use the same Brahmadanta technique as a punishment for the child's acting out.

However,

If your parents are stubborn as a child,

Using this technique might not be quite as appropriate.

So in conclusion for today,

There are three main levels of mastery of being open to criticism.

If a person realizes that they are still very stubborn,

Then they should at least try to hear out criticism.

If a person realizes that they are only fairly stubborn,

Then you should try to at least follow the advice given.

And if you are put in such a situation,

And you still feel irritated,

Try biting your lip instead of answering back,

And you will build up a habit of becoming a better listener.

If you can resist answering back,

But can still not bring yourself to follow their advice,

At least you keep the channel open for improvement in the future.

Finally,

If a person has to a large extent freed themselves from stubbornness,

Apart from hearing out criticism and following it,

They should also try to express appreciation for the goodwill of the person who has given the advice,

No matter how apparently flawed that person might be.

So in this session I have introduced to you Blessing 28 on openness to criticism.

For my next session we'll continue the third blessing of the 8th group with Blessing 29 on the sight of a true monk.

Hopefully as a result of today's session you will manage to overcome any stubbornness still remaining in your character,

And accept criticism more gracefully.

So for today,

This is me,

PrattNicholas Tundishro signing off for now.

So long folks,

And stay safe.