Mastering The Art Of Detachment

Let's talk about something we all do.

Something that takes up so much unnecessary space in our minds.

Ready for it?

Caring way too much about what everyone else thinks.

And I don't just mean the people you respect,

Love or admire.

I'm talking about people you barely know,

People you don't like,

Random strangers online,

You name it.

It's exhausting,

Right?

But here's the thing.

We can actually break free from this.

In fact,

By the end of this audio I'm going to show you how to stop letting other people's opinions run your life and focus on what actually matters.

But first let me ask you a question.

When was the last time you held yourself back from doing something because you worried about being judged?

Maybe it was speaking up in a meeting,

Posting that project you'd been working on or even wearing something bold that you loved but felt self-conscious about.

Think about why you hesitated.

And here's the kicker.

Would you ever go to that same person whose judgement you fear and ask for their advice on life?

If the answer is no,

Then why on earth are we giving them so much power over us?

I mean,

Let's be real.

Most of our critics aren't exactly fountains of wisdom.

They're just other flawed humans navigating their own insecurities.

Let me tell you a story.

Howard Schultz,

You know,

The guy who turned Starbucks from a single coffee shop into a global empire.

He pitched his idea for an Italian-style coffee shop where people could gather and connect.

And guess what happened?

Two hundred investors turned him down.

Two hundred people told him it sounded like a bad idea,

That Americans just wouldn't go for overpriced coffee.

But did he stop?

Obviously not.

He knew those naysayers didn't get it and that was okay because he got it.

Fast forward to now and most of us can't go five blocks without seeing the iconic Starbucks logo.

So here's the takeaway.

If you wouldn't go to someone for advice on how to live your life,

Then why are you giving their criticism the time of day?

Seriously,

Stop renting out space in your head to people who don't belong there.

Instead,

Save your energy for people and projects that actually matter.

Now this brings me to a harsh truth,

But one that's freeing once you really accept it.

People will judge you.

It doesn't matter what you do or don't do.

There's no escaping it.

You could cure all diseases tomorrow and someone would still complain about your tone while announcing the cure.

Finding a life where no one judges you?

That's a fantasy.

Sorry,

It doesn't exist.

But here's where it gets empowering.

If judgement is inevitable,

Why not just lean into it?

Why not pick the things that are worthy of being judged for?

Like imagine if Serena Williams worried about how people judged the way she plays tennis.

She'd stop being Serena Williams.

The intensity,

The passion,

The dominance.

That's what makes her one of the greatest athletes of all time.

Sure,

Some critics talk trash about her,

But plenty of others admire her precisely for the qualities that those critics dislike.

So if people are going to judge you anyway,

Let's make that judgement count.

Maybe you're working on a side hustle that your friends don't understand.

Maybe you've decided to pursue an unconventional career and people keep asking,

Are you sure that's a thing?

Whatever it is,

Let me ask you this.

Is it worth it to you?

Is this thing,

This idea,

This vision something you genuinely care about?

If the answer is yes,

Then own it.

Be unapologetic about it.

Because even if you let the fear of judgement stop you,

Guess what?

You're still going to be judged.

So it might as well be for something meaningful,

Right?

You might as well let that judgement push you closer to what you actually want in life instead of holding you hostage.

You know,

I get it.

I really do.

Standing out,

Doing something that others don't get,

It's scary.

But choosing to follow your own path instead of everyone else's is also one of the most freeing things you'll ever do.

And I'll tell you why.

It forces you to find conviction.

True conviction.

Let me put it this way.

Have you ever been so sure about something that it didn't matter what other people thought?

Like not in an I'm trying to prove them wrong kind of way,

But in a this feels right for me and I'm doing it regardless way?

That kind of clarity,

That's conviction.

And it's powerful.

It's the thing that keeps you going even when the crowd is sceptical.

Think about someone like Peter Thiel,

The billionaire entrepreneur and investor.

When he meets with startup founders,

He always asks this question.

What do you believe is true about the world that most people don't?

Conviction comes from finding that one belief that's yours,

That thing you see clearly even when everyone else doesn't.

And yeah,

That path,

It's not always sunshine and roses.

Ask anyone who's ever done something unconventional.

There's criticism,

There's doubt,

And most of it doesn't even come from strangers.

It comes from the people closest to us.

Parents,

Friends,

Co-workers.

Their opinions sting the most,

Don't they?

I remember this one entrepreneur who shared a story about quitting a prestigious PhD program to start their own business.

Everyone thought they'd lost their mind.

Friends stopped inviting them to things.

Old professors tried to stage interventions.

Basically,

They were swimming upstream,

Alone.

But they stuck with it because deep down they knew it was the right move.

They later built a company that changed lives and made millions,

But at the time,

It was just them versus the world.

Here's what's interesting though.

Oftentimes,

The people criticising you aren't really judging you,

They're judging themselves.

It's projection.

They see you stepping off the well-trodden path and it triggers something in them.

Maybe it's jealousy.

Maybe it's fear.

Maybe you're doing something they can't do.

Or worse,

Something they want to do but don't have the courage.

And here's a great example of that.

When my wife decided to leave her home country of Brazil and travel the world with me,

Her friends tried to talk her out of it.

Why are you leaving your job?

What if it doesn't work out?

They weren't rooting against her.

They were scared.

Her decision,

Her boldness,

Made them question their own choices.

And it also forced them to confront this uncomfortable question.

If she's going for it,

Why am I holding back?

This is a key point.

Other people's judgements say more about them than they do about you.

If you want to live boldly,

You have to stop taking responsibility for everyone else's fears and hesitations.

What's stopping them doesn't have to stop you.

And look,

I'm not saying tuning out the world is easy.

It's not like we're robots who can just flip a switch and stop caring altogether.

We're wired to care.

It's human nature.

But we don't have to let it control us.

Here's something that always helps me.

Whenever I feel myself getting caught up in what other people are thinking,

I ask,

Is this person even in the arena with me?

You know,

Like that old Teddy Roosevelt quote,

It's not the critic who counts,

It's the man in the arena.

If someone isn't putting themselves out there,

Taking risks,

Getting uncomfortable,

Why am I letting their opinion hold me back?

Do they really matter?

Nine times out of ten,

The answer is no.

Look at the bigger picture.

Remember,

You only have so much energy to give in a day.

So why waste any of it on people who don't understand,

Don't matter,

Or worse,

Don't have your best interests at heart?

When you really zoom out,

You see how small those voices are,

And you're left wondering why you even bothered listening to them in the first place.

Let me share another thought that drives this home.

To be liked by all is to be loved by none.

Isn't that such a striking idea?

Think about it.

How often are we bending and twisting ourselves to fit other people's expectations,

Trying not to step on toes,

Not offend anyone,

Not stand out too much?

Well,

Guess what?

That same effort that helps you avoid criticism also makes you blend into the background.

You become forgettable,

Just another face in the crowd.

There's actually something I talked about years ago in a dating book I wrote.

The idea that attraction,

Whether it's in relationships,

Friendships,

Or even at work,

Is inherently polarising.

You can't be magnetic without also repelling people.

In fact,

It's the exact same qualities that some people love about you that others will hate.

And that's okay.

Let's be real.

Most of us don't want to polarise people.

It feels risky.

But you know what's even riskier?

Blending in so much that no one notices you.

That's the thing about trying to avoid criticism.

It comes at the cost of connection,

It comes at the cost of standing out,

And ultimately,

It comes at the cost of being you.

And when you think about it that way,

Doesn't it seem kind of backwards?

Why trade who you are just to avoid a little discomfort?

Here's a fun fact for you.

The companies,

The artists,

The leaders who make the biggest waves aren't the ones chasing universal approval.

They're the ones bold enough to go all in on what makes them different.

Apple?

Polarising.

Beyonce?

Polarising.

Elon Musk?

Oh,

Definitely polarising.

But guess what?

That's part of why they resonate so deeply with their audience.

They didn't dilute their uniqueness to make everyone happy.

And that's why people don't just like them.

They love them.

Now,

This idea doesn't just apply to the famous and the successful.

It applies to you too.

Because to be deeply appreciated,

Whether in your career,

Your relationships,

Or your creative projects,

You have to stop worrying about being universally accepted.

Instead,

Double down on what makes you you.

What's that thing people turn to you for?

What's the thing that lights you up,

Even if it isn't what's normal or expected?

Lean into that.

Because it's way better to be deeply valued by a few than to be ignored by the many.

Speaking of ignoring the crowd,

Let's tackle another big reason people stay stuck.

The obsession with the idea of being normal.

Let's talk about this for a minute because honestly,

Normal is a trap.

Let me explain.

Picture what society tells us is normal.

It's this picture-perfect illusion of someone who has their whole life together.

They've got the flawless relationship,

The steady job,

The Instagram-worthy vacations.

But here's the kicker.

That version of normal doesn't really exist.

It's just this polished image built by Hollywood scripts,

Scrolling through social feeds,

And marketing campaigns trying to sell you something.

In reality,

Normal is actually kind of a mess.

Statistically speaking,

The average person is unhealthy,

Stressed,

In debt,

Lonely,

Or all of the above.

So why on earth would you try to be normal when normal isn't even something worth striving for?

Nobody posts on Instagram about their late credit card payment or the fact that they cried in their car after work.

But that doesn't mean it's not happening.

And here's the hard truth.

Chasing this made-up version of normal is not only exhausting,

It's a complete waste of your potential.

So instead of chasing normal,

Why not shoot for something better?

Something real?

What kind of life do you actually want to live?

Forget what everybody else is doing.

What's meaningful to you?

Ask yourself that,

And I promise your answers might surprise you.

Now I know what you might be thinking.

Okay,

But how do I step away from normal when it feels like I'm being pulled back into it all the time?

Great question.

Here's where things get a little sneaky.

The reason we cling to normal isn't just about fitting in.

It's about security.

There's less risk in following the crowd,

Right?

It feels safer.

But safe and good are not the same thing.

And let's be honest,

Playing it safe all the time just keeps you stuck.

Let me tell you a quick story to drive this point home.

Albert Einstein,

You know,

Pretty smart guy,

He failed his university entrance exam.

Yep,

Failed.

By all accounts he was an underachiever,

A late bloomer,

Anything but normal.

But here's what set him apart.

He didn't let those failures define him.

He didn't chase what people thought was acceptable or expected.

He followed his curiosity,

Those big crazy ideas that no one else dare touch.

And because of that,

He literally changed the way we understand the universe.

So yeah,

Normal,

Overrated.

And here's a thought that might surprise you.

Sometimes the biggest obstacle to stepping away from normal isn't just societal pressure.

It's you.

Specifically,

It's the stories we tell ourselves about who we should be or what's possible for us.

And that brings me to a little something I like to call emotional lies.

Here's how these lies work.

Your vanity tells you that everything's going to be perfect and everyone's going to love what you do.

Meanwhile,

Your anxiety tells you the exact opposite.

Nobody's going to get it and people are going to laugh at you.

And here's the crazy part.

Both of those voices are wrong.

Take a second to let that sink in.

Both vanity and anxiety,

Liars.

When you're caught up in chasing validation or running from criticism,

You lose sight of what actually matters.

Because at the end of the day,

Neither extreme is rooted in reality.

So how do you break free from that?

Start by getting clear on what's really driving your choices.

When you make decisions,

Are you listening to your highest self or are you being guided by those emotional lies?

Something to think about.

And speaking of lies,

One of the biggest ones we tell ourselves is this.

I'll finally be happy when,

You know,

When you get the promotion,

When you lose the weight,

When you buy the thing.

But here's the truth.

Happiness doesn't come later.

It comes now.

By choosing to care about what actually matters right now.

Which brings us to this major game changer.

You have to give a fuck about something more than the criticism,

The adversity and the noise.

Let's get personal for a second.

Think about the times in your life when you've worked the hardest or overcome the biggest challenges.

What got you through?

It wasn't that everything was magically easy or that nobody judged you.

No,

What got you through is that you cared about something so dang much that the adversity just kind of faded into the background.

That sense of purpose.

That's your North Star.

Take Thomas Edison,

For example.

The guy failed at creating the light bulb not once,

Not twice,

But over 1,

000 times.

Do you think he kept going because he wasn't being criticised?

Absolutely not.

People thought he was straight up wasting his time.

But Edison cared about his vision so deeply that the criticism didn't stop him.

And because of that,

We've got light bulbs in every room of our homes.

So ask yourself,

What are you willing to endure adversity for?

What's that thing you care about so much that it makes the noise,

The judgement and the resistance irrelevant?

Now let's be real.

This doesn't mean you'll never stumble.

You will.

It's inevitable.

But the cool thing about caring deeply,

It makes getting back up a lot easier.

When you anchor yourself to something meaningful,

The setbacks don't feel as devastating because you know the why behind your effort.

And here's something else to keep in mind.

You don't have to figure it all out today.

Seriously,

Let go of the pressure to map out every single step.

The vision you have for your life.

It already exists.

The ideas you need to make it happen.

They're out there too.

You don't need to solve everything all at once.

Start by tuning into what matters.

Align your actions with that.

And then here's the hard part.

Relax.

Yep,

Relax.

Because we're not just talking about hustle here.

Hustle is important,

Sure.

But it's not what creates breakthroughs.

Sometimes the key is taking a step back and letting the pieces come together.

Clarity,

Creativity and even profound solutions often show up when we stop overthinking and start trusting ourselves more.

Here's what I want you to know.

The life you want begins the moment you stop being afraid of how other people define you.

The moment you stop fighting to fit in and start living unapologetically for you.

Trust me,

You're far more capable than you give yourself credit for.

It's all about tuning out the noise,

Leaning into what matters and owning your path,

Whatever that may look like.

If you enjoyed today's talk,

I believe that you would love our top rated courses here on Insight Timer.

Over 4,

000 students already went through our courses and the responses are amazing.

Our goal here at Healing Waves is to help you on your transformation journey by combining ancient wisdom with modern science.

Thank you for being with me today.

I appreciate you and I hope to see you again soon.