My Relationship Is To Myself: Abundance And Fear Of Lack

Everything is really the relationship to yourself.

So I got a vehicle worked on,

My truck.

But after it got worked on,

It was a radiator problem.

It started having radiator problems again.

And I was like,

Okay.

I talked to him and I said,

Hey,

You know,

I've got another issue.

I need to take the truck in for an inspection.

Do you want me to have them look at the radiator at the same time or do you want to do it?

And he said,

You know what,

You know,

I'm really busy.

Why don't you have them look at it?

So I did.

I said,

Hey,

You know,

Let me know what you learn about this radiator because something's not working right.

Well,

Two mechanics popped their head around the corner and they said,

We can tell you what's wrong with the radiator.

It's got the wrong one in it.

And I was like,

Oh,

My gosh.

So they get the right,

The correct radiator in it.

So the things that hit me first,

You know,

Were I've been cheated.

Somebody has done me wrong and now I've paid twice for it.

I paid him and now I've had to pay the whole price again plus a bit more expensive.

Well,

The first two things I start doing is,

Of course,

I'm beating me up.

I should have known he was taking too long.

And then the next thing is like,

And how dare,

You know,

Somebody do this?

Who would do this to me?

Why?

You know,

All those sorts of things.

But the biggest thing for me,

And I don't know if it'd be for you guys,

Was the money.

Because I asked myself,

I said,

OK,

Dina,

What is the biggest deal for you right now?

And it's like,

It's the money.

Something wrong has occurred and I don't know if he's going to give me back the money.

And I said,

OK,

What if I knew that I was OK,

That I was going to have the money for this?

And I felt my body relax.

If I knew I had the money,

I'd be OK.

So what is it about being done wrong?

You know,

Somebody has injured me.

They have done a wrong thing to me.

And I felt into that.

And part of me was beating me up for being so stupid.

Why didn't I know?

I should have,

You know,

Etc.

,

Etc.

But once I took off the biggest part,

Which was the fear of not having the funds or being cheated financially,

I wasn't as concerned that he had done me wrong.

In actuality,

He was overwhelmed and just had put the wrong part in.

So I don't think it was on purpose.

So it wasn't so much that what he did that I felt cheated,

But if I lost the money,

Then I would feel cheated.

So it was all around that,

The finances.

And all of a sudden,

The awareness came rushing in that I either had awareness.

Notice I did not say faith.

I did not say hope.

If I had the awareness that the universe and I are taking care of me financially,

It has nothing to do with this person,

This other person.

That it is my relationship with myself and awareness,

My thoughts,

Had the opportunity to believe that this was going to go wrong or this was going to go okay.

And see,

It's our life and our background and our history that formulates the thoughts.

And I had been raised in and around thoughts that you got to watch out.

People are going to try to take advantage.

Things are going good,

So what happens next?

Well,

You better be ready for something to hit the fan because,

You know,

Things have been going too good.

And it is our beliefs about how life is going to go for us that I actually was not in a contentious relationship with that other person,

That I am not responsible for them.

I cannot control them.

I cannot make them pay me the money back.

So I am completely out of control of that other human being.

But what is occurring is my relationship to me.

My relationship and how do I want to feel.

My relationship to me and how I want to think.

This is what I'm talking about when I say a relationship with yourself.

It's a relationship with how you're going to treat you in a situation.

Because when I know that the universe is me and I love me,

I'm taking care of me,

I'm making sure I'm okay.

Because it was the fear of lack,

Of the loss of money that was driving every bit of that angst.

It was less to do about that man and what he had done than it was the loss of the money.

Now,

Did I like that that had occurred?

No.

But I don't have control over him.

He thought he'd had the right part in there.

But let's go back to this.

Because this is where this is where you create your reality.

This is where you and your relationship to you and it's not just your relationship to your body.

It's a relationship to so many things in you.

So here I had to sit down with myself and have a conversation to learn about me and where I was going and what was happening in my mind and when I identified that it was the finances.

And so I was in that moment relating to my thoughts and my thoughts were in fear about money.

And I said,

Okay,

So that's what's happening.

And I'm aware that my financial situation has nothing to do with that man or how he treats me.

And that was shocking because why wouldn't it?

Why wouldn't it be that he did me wrong and he owes me that money?

And I feel that.

I mean I could feel it in my body.

Even just saying it,

You can feel it.

It's just like he did me wrong and he owes me money.

And I want it taken care of and I want it back.

And I can feel that anger because all of that is building the justification for why I should have it returned.

And then I start,

Well,

How do I do that?

Because I'm not in control.

I can't force him to do it.

He's already got my cash.

I can't force him to give it back.

And then the mind starts racing.

Is it enough for a small claims court?

I hadn't even talked to him yet and I'm already spinning.

But when it hit me,

When I felt the awareness that if I wasn't concerned about the money,

What would my beef be?

And I was like,

Well then it would be just on him.

If he responded to me appropriately,

Yay.

But if he didn't and I still had the money coming in,

Then it's on him.

I am not him.

That's for him to figure out.

That's for him to sleep with at night.

That's for him to do as he needs to do.

And the freedom I felt.

I don't have to chase this person.

I don't have to be angry.

I don't have to feel inside my body.

I've been done wrong.

And when it doesn't mean that I'll go back and say,

Hey,

I loved that scenario.

Let's do it again.

I may not choose to hire that person again based on their response.

Then I could be open to the response being whatever he chose.

Because I was aware that the ability of the funds to be paid or to be lost or whatever,

That none of that had anything to do with him.

And I felt such freedom because then I didn't have to hate him.

I didn't have to dislike him.

I didn't have to be angry with him.

I could be aware that this may not be somebody that I want to work with in the future if they're not paying attention.

But how much judgment's on that?

How much judgment am I having when I go,

You know what,

I'm looking at this person's,

The way they work,

And do I want to relate to them with my vehicle or not based on how they work and how they respond to a situation?

It's so free.

Because then I'm just choosing yes or no.

So I didn't have to judge him anymore.

I didn't have to be mad at me because it was going to be taken care of financially,

That I would have the funds that I need to take care of it,

That I wasn't out anything if I could be aware that I'm not digging into his pocket,

That I'm receiving from abundance.

I'm not digging into his pocket.

I don't have to get my money back.

And can you shift that thought?

Then I'm not trying to get my money that's in his pocket back.

The money will come in.

It'll be taken care of.

And if we can shift to that way of thinking that I'm in a relationship with myself and here's why I take it bigger and can you go here with me?

You're in a relationship with yourself,

With the universe because you are the universe.

And that's the thing to get to know,

That you determine so much.

It doesn't mean you're going to be free from any challenge,

But you determined so much about your experience because in that moment my thoughts could run whether he's going to screw me and about that money and what am I going to do and how am I going to be and in the anger and all of that is because I was afraid of lack.

Those thoughts came from lack,

From people doing things to me.

Now an equally number of thoughts could be all I need to do is tell him and he'll take care of that.

He'll give me my money back or he'll do whatever it takes.

I could have been thinking that way,

But I wasn't.

And when I thought let me try thinking that way those thoughts are like that's ridiculous he's going to screw you.

Even when I tried he's going to screw you thoughts are over here and I'm out this money.

They're over here on the right side of me and then I go okay I'm going to switch I'm going to switch to a different way of thinking that he's going to be doing right by me everything's going to be okay.

And all of a sudden those thoughts on the left that were like yeah this is going to work out they lasted about three seconds and all of a sudden they joined the ones on the right nope he's going to screw you don't even think about because my life I have been raised in ways and watched or chose maybe I saw something happen and I chose to think that person's a jerk they're going to screw them.

Who knows how I created it but this is the relationship to yourself that I'm talking about get to know your thoughts and then watch your thoughts tell you how it's going to be.

Your thoughts are telling you how your life is going to be but your life doesn't have to be that way.

If you shift to being aware that part of your relationship to yourself is understanding the continuous repetitive thoughts in your mind and just like you probably would get out of a bad relationship just like if somebody came and they said things to you every day about hope you learned your lesson you know how many people said that to me when I was telling them about this situation well I guess you learned your lesson I thought and so I stopped I stopped for a second because I thought this is interesting because I'd taken care of it in myself I could actually hear them say that and not get angry because the first time before I dealt with it in myself and somebody said that to me I got pissed pissed me off I guess you learned your lesson but then when I sat with it and I decided to deal with the relationship and why do I pause on relationship oh my god do you see your relationship is with you that you are not separate from the universe you are not a victim of this universe you are this universe and the relationship that you choose to have with your thoughts with your feelings with your body with the space around you is you creating the world that you live in and yes you have that power and I don't say it like you have the power because you're not fighting the universe you're not a victim of this universe you're a constructive participating element and wouldn't you love to do it with a bit more consciousness and you don't do it with faith you don't do it with hope because faith and hope they bend you over a barrel all the time you gotta keep that faith up even when stuff is smacking you in the face and it's sad and it's heartbreaking you wanna get angry at that external god or that external whatever force it is and I gotta suck it up and have faith can't question gotta have faith no you don't you gotta have you you gotta have your own relationship with yourself which is the universe which doesn't require faith requires awareness consciousness a recognition that you are an equal element in life that you don't have to hope beg,

Pray that you get to sit at the table it's about recognizing to walk up there and pull the chair out and sit down and you don't sit down in a hey I'm here and you better listen to me kind of way you sit down with respect and participation the respect to know I don't know everything this universe is pretty dang vast and I'm a part of it but I'm gonna participate but I also don't have to come sniveling hoping doing all the right things and hoping that something's gonna be good to me be good to yourself be good to yourself get to know you because you're gonna blow your own mind in a really great way when you realize that you're participating sitting at the table equally respectfully not everything's gonna go your way or the way your mind thinks it should go my mind had no desire for the guy to put the wrong part in my truck for me to get pissed for me to lose that money but oh I'm so grateful because now that that's occurred I was struck with the awareness that I don't have to reach back into his pocket for my money just think about that sentence he's got my money really?

Does he?

Or is it just about making sure that I have enough funds to do what I need that if I know that if somebody doesn't give me what I paid for but I'm okay and that's on them that money flows to me flows through me that I don't have like some limited little pool I have that freedom and I don't have to beg because it's me so I was like you know what I'm gonna text him and say hey this has occurred and we need to connect on what to do about it so of course he's sitting there going oh my gosh it's hard on him but that's his relationship to that situation and how he responds and acts and does is up to him and it's up to me and my relationship with who I am as to how I want to look at it and you know what I wanted to look at it this way I understand man I get it I'm so sorry this has occurred I've had to go out and pay for the whole thing again to get the right part in there and here we are so let's figure it out and I didn't have to be angry anymore didn't have to judge him didn't have to judge me but I go back to that part where everybody tells me well I guess you learned your lesson just makes you want to throw it makes you want to smack somebody that's what it does but again I worked through some of the angers I didn't want to do that but I had them and so I stopped and I said yeah what lesson do you think I learned and you know what they said to me they couldn't figure it out they couldn't tell me the lesson that I learned and I even asked one of them I said was the lesson supposed to be that people will screw you over I said because I've been learning that one my whole life and people still do it and there's no stopping that and you don't know all the time who's going to screw you over till you mess with them so are we just all just stuck in learning that lesson forever because there's no way to know well then we kind of started laughing about it and it was freeing for them because see that's what we do that's the self punishment we throw on top of it well I went out and I used this person but they screwed me over well I guess you learned your lesson bless your lesson not to trust people not to reach out not to try something but it's what we've all been told isn't it when something goes wrong guess you learned your lesson but the ones that I said that to the ones that I said you know what you're right what lesson do you think that I learned literally a couple of them went uh uh uh and then when we talked about it we started laughing because we realized it's just self punishment something goes wrong it's your fault cost you something but you learned your lesson and life isn't here to teach us lessons that we have to have beat into us or a loss oh you had a loss guess you learned your lesson oh you won the lottery I guess you learned your lesson really nobody says that one has anybody ever told a lottery winner I guess you learned your lesson you're not here to learn your lessons you're here to learn yourself as a participant in the universe in the evolution in the evolvement of consciousness and consciousness is evolving away from self punishment it's evolving away from you did wrong and it's evolving in awareness and it's not that the universe doesn't already know that of course it knows that we're here to bring a conscious level of awareness about that and we're just moving through the items that come up with love for ourselves and for each other because you know what I could love that guy I could love him he put the wrong radiator in my truck and I'm driving in it and I could love him instead of be pissed at him and if I'm going to learn any lesson I'm going to learn the lesson that it wasn't sitting in his hands it was sitting in my relationship to myself and my own mind and everything worked out so perfectly because the truck got fixed I'm driving it now I don't have to hate him don't have to dislike me don't have to learn a lesson I get to learn to love love myself my consciousness to be aware that I'm not dependent on people treating me right to have money that I don't have to trust or have faith because who I'm leaning into is me and not me the mind because I don't need to lean into that mind I had to lean out of that mind because that mind was in lack was in fear was in anger was in somebody did me wrong I'm going to whoa was pissed and then when I tell people about it and they give me that that pissed me off even more I don't have to live that way when I can lean in not to my thoughts but into the consciousness the awareness that nothing external to me can take my peace or my happiness there's no lesson to learn except for get to know you and I decided in that moment that the funds would be there you're in such participation with this universe beginning to understand that you're not a victim of it that you're an element of it just like water is an element just like earth is an element you are an element of this beautiful universe and you have your own back and that doesn't mean you have you can you sit there and you go I don't need anything else I've got this I've got my own back well get ready to fall off the edge of that one because we're interdependent so not only do I have my back but you have my back too even the guy that stuck the wrong radiator in my truck had my back because now I'm in a different place to live from I've deepened my relationship to myself my own awareness and consciousness has evolved and what looked like something to get tore back about in an interdependent way we evolved he and I because he's got an equal seat at that table just like you do just like I do and we're not here doing it alone we're doing it together and as you relate to you you relate more and more to us all working together for the evolution of ourselves in this universe but you can lean into you and you can lean into others and you'll know those you'll know those people you'll know those beings you'll know those trees that water everything that you can lean into