If You Don't Like Being With Yourself, This Is What You've Been Missing - Three Secrets To Never Feel Lonely | The Wisdom Podcast | S2 E32

The Wisdom Podcast is birthed out of the Wisdom Blog,

A digital healing hub of inspired consciousness,

Sacred wisdom,

And the divine teachings of authentic power,

Living one's truth,

And spiritual,

Or as we call it,

Unconditional love.

Many of the topics that we cover arise out of my work with clients who have chosen to live their life from a place of self-honesty and truth,

And in doing so,

They quite naturally began the journey inward,

Recognizing their authentic self and their capacity for being love and choosing to live as this in all moments.

This is what makes it possible to experience authentic happiness easily.

Each episode offers divinely inspired teachings and insight that will show you how to live consciously aware,

To access your inner wisdom,

And to help you make the best choices towards living a limitless potential.

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Divine wisdom,

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Here and now.

Throughout this time of a global pandemic,

There have been many illuminating aha revelations that you,

That I,

That we all have come to witness.

One resounding and common voice that I have heard echoed by so many is the feeling of loneliness that has been exacerbated by the critical state of lockdown,

Now something that we are again experiencing at the time of writing this,

And in many parts of the world,

Coupled with the accumulated months of continued social distancing and self-isolating.

What does loneliness have to be our existence?

If you are someone who has been suffering with loneliness,

If you do not like being alone with yourself,

I invite you to think about the reasons why.

Do you feel loneliness even as you live with others?

Have you considered what the psychological and emotional impact is of prolonged loneliness and isolation?

And what can you do to eradicate this,

To instead feel connected,

To have social contact that is meaningful and nurturing,

And to discover and know the joy in the time in which you are alone,

Because being with yourself has a propensity to be what you look forward to as much as the social connections and the meaningful relationships you have with others.

This brings me to the first of three perspective secrets of what you've been missing and what will help.

I'm also going to offer valuable strategies and recommendations to implement for each of these three best practices so that you will have the secrets for how you will never feel lonely again,

Because the goal is to enjoy being with yourself and never feel lonely.

How you have navigated this global pandemic and the changes that have made it less possible for you to socialize in the ways that you have been used to is also precisely the means by which you can learn to appreciate your alone time in ways that you have never before.

Even if you live alone,

You don't have to feel disconnected and lonely.

You're in is part of the answer,

The solution.

The first secret to escaping loneliness is emotional connection.

How do you engage in the experience of this?

Do you perceive being with yourself as positive,

As allowing for a greater propensity to know yourself?

To know who you are today,

Because who you are in this moment is different from who you used to be six weeks ago,

Six months ago,

And certainly six years ago.

Do you shy away from the experience of really examining your life and of looking at aspects of yourself in order to make changes and to feel happier because you do not know where to begin?

Are you fearful of what you will find with honest introspection and self-reflection?

Let me help with this.

Emotional connection is the first secret to feeling contentment and happiness in being alone with yourself.

It's also an important criteria in fostering meaningful relationships with others.

It is what allows you to enjoy your time with yourself and without feeling lonely.

To have emotional connection with yourself and others is a life skill.

You can learn this at any age and you can teach this skill to your children and others.

Let me define it even more.

Emotional connection is heartfelt caring and loving kindness.

These are two prevalent guiding factors.

If you care about someone's wellbeing,

If they are important to you,

You will likely feel an emotional connection or attachment to them.

You actively feel emotionally connected to someone,

A friend,

A partner,

A coworker,

Your neighbor by sharing of yourself with them and by being sincerely interested in their life.

It's about holding the space for someone to share of their self with you and you with them in a meaningful and honest way.

I observe how some people talk only about themselves and their life,

Whether it is what they did that day or a problem that they are struggling with.

This is not connecting with someone.

It is venting.

It is being self-centered.

It is not showing and being caring about another.

If you wonder why your relationships feel distant,

Superficial and limited,

And why you don't feel a genuine closeness to certain others,

It may be because you are not developing an emotional bond and maybe you have never learned how to,

And yet this is not an excuse because you can teach yourself how to do this.

Emotional connection is not an automatic outcome of having birthed a child or because you are in the same family of origin.

Emotional connection is built on the sharing of your intimate thoughts and feelings.

It is in caring about another's needs and being thoughtful and kind.

It is about expressing your feelings honestly and in showing love and affection freely.

Emotional connection is perhaps felt most deeply when you are loving and kind towards yourself and another.

We can dive into a whole conversation of self-love right here because how you think and feel about yourself and your ability to hold loving and kind thoughts and to be your greatest source of encouragement and support and approval is emphatic to feeling emotional connection.

If this is something that you know you need to become better at for yourself,

I have a link in the description to the Ultimate Self-Love Toolkit,

Which I encourage you to have a look at and to make it possible for you to have this as part of your ongoing curriculum for how to love yourself completely.

Before we move on to the second secret to never feeling lonely,

Here are some clear examples of what emotional connection looks and feels like.

In emotional connection,

You share of yourself openly,

And you also listen to the other person.

Your conversations are not one-sided.

You must truly care about another,

And in doing so,

You ask questions and then you listen with presence,

Giving them your full attention as you seek to understand the other person.

Emotional connection is not about talking at someone or talking about yourself excessively.

It must ideally be a reciprocal relationship of care,

Kindness,

And love.

You will know when you have this depth of emotional intimacy and connection with someone.

You will be able to feel it.

Emotional connection allows for safety and confidence in your relationship,

That you can state your differences of opinion or disagree or even experience conflict safely because you both respect the other's opinion and decisions,

Even if you do not always agree with them.

Connect is to not be judgmental,

To allow for differences in opinion,

Lifestyle,

Preferences,

And also some values may be distinct from your own,

All with the understanding that emotional connection means care,

Respect,

And loving kindness.

You are not there to judge another,

But to be in a relationship with them that is built upon connectivity and kindness.

Here is another determining factor in whether you have emotional connection.

Ask can I be myself honestly and completely with this person?

If the answer is yes,

Then you feel support and safe in that relationship to be yourself.

The second factor and secret to banish loneliness is reflective of your mindset and the habits and routines that you live by.

For example,

How do you use and value your time when you are alone?

Do you plan and enjoy creative and constructive pursuits?

Do you nourish yourself with activities that you may enjoy on your own and which offer rich experiences and personal growth?

Are you able to do this for yourself rather than look to others and distractions that are not truly nourishing nor self-loving?

The act of living life is to remember that nothing is the same.

Even your daily routine which may feel somewhat compromised given that some options and freedoms are now different is not the same as it was yesterday.

If you approach your life from this perspective,

Then even the same or similar types of activities are different each day.

Each new moment is not exactly the same as it was yesterday.

Your job is to witness the precious nature of every moment,

To see everything with new eyes and appreciation and openness.

This is how you will never feel boredom,

Alone,

Lonely because you continue to witness everything with eyes open,

With curiosity and interest and appreciation.

This time of a global pandemic has taught us to rely more on ourselves for how we want to feel,

For taking ownership of our life and being more self-reliant and independent and of choosing to be happy.

Happiness is a choice.

To feel happy you need to think what thoughts will allow you to feel this way.

In moments when you feel alone or lonely,

Practice telling yourself what is true rather than the stories that cause you to feel unhappy.

For example,

I can enjoy time alone with myself.

I can choose to be grateful for my life and to do what allows me to feel my inherent happiness.

Feeling comfortable,

Content and happy being alone with yourself is something that can be taught.

You may have had this experience reinforced in childhood if you were given encouragement to play alone,

To take up an activity or hobby that is experienced in solitude,

To be competitive in an individual sport that places the focus on bettering yourself,

To travel alone and to have experiences in which you live alone.

This teaches you from a young age that you can be sustainable,

Independent and self-sufficient and perhaps most of all that you can enjoy your own company and that you can thrive in the experience of being alone.

To know that you are capable of being independent and self-sufficient builds self-confidence,

Autonomy and resilience.

The life skill of being comfortable and happy being alone with yourself is important to master.

I encourage parents to reinforce the importance of fostering independent activities of their children and for teaching them how to find and experience activities in which they can be alone,

To rely on themselves for emotional comfort,

Self-care and self-love.

Couples and members of a family who cohabitate also need to have independent and alone time even whilst they are at home together and also outside of their dwelling space.

And if you ever run out of ideas,

There is always a plethora of teachings and education that can be accessed online and as well in books and other means of self-study.

Use your time for good,

Use it constructively,

Practice self-care and self-love and then reap the rewards of this as you choose to live inspired.

When I ask people who speak of their loneliness what their personal pursuits are,

How do they account for all of the hours in a day available to them,

Their answers often reveal the cause of their loneliness.

Ask these questions of yourself.

Determine if you have been existing rather than truly living.

Living is anticipation,

It is enjoyment,

It is planning,

It is the experience of what is new and remarkable because of your attitude and perceptions of this and not as a means of checking a list to fulfill any requirements you may have decided you should do but to truly embrace some of the many luxuries that you have right here in your home country,

In your home and as you step outside and in nature and as you surf the internet.

Open your mind and your heart to what is available and you will see some of what has been waiting for you to experience.

One way to capture the habits and choices in a day in your life is to chart what you do in your alone time or as you live alone.

How well do you live in appreciation of your daily habits and routines?

Are you mindful and awake to the beauty of life all around you?

Here are a few more examples of what nourishes and supports you in your life.

Exercise,

Being in nature as we just said,

Meditation,

Prayer,

Reading,

Self-study,

Creative pursuits and journal writing which is a great way to explore your thoughts and feelings and to understand and know yourself better and to witness your inner voice and the expression of all that you are.

All of these solitary activities take you deeper within yourself and also into the presence of your inner nature to hear your inner voice which is the voice of your highest self and a beautiful reminder that you are not alone,

That you are never alone.

This last point leads us directly to the third factor and secret that impresses upon your ability to feel a connection with all things.

This awareness comes from the experience of feeling a oneness,

A connection with all of life.

You don't have to leave the comfort of your dwelling place to open your heart and to feel the heartbeat of the world beyond you.

During this time,

Perhaps more than ever,

You can practice this as you feel empathy and compassion,

Two experiences that drive emotional connection as you think of and read about people from all over the world,

Of how others may be suffering and also how many are thriving,

How others are truly using this time to find opportunity,

To rewrite what they have always done and to connect with themselves and others.

This secret is the relationship that you have with all of life.

To find it,

To cultivate it,

You simply close your eyes.

You sit or lie in peaceful stillness and you travel inward to witness your breath in the expansiveness of this moment and beyond.

This is also a spiritual practice.

It is a path to feeling wholeness and to awareness that you are far more than your physical self and to examine your greater connection with all things.

For example,

Think of a time,

Whether in nature or in a meditative or prayer state in which you perceived yourself as being a part of something greater than just yourself.

This feeling of connection that you have with all living beings and the planet can also be experienced as you smile at a stranger,

As you allow your eyes to connect for a moment to hold this connection,

To witness yourself not alone in the world,

But connected with others even those you do not know and those that you may never see again.

If there is one blessing in the having to wear face masks right now,

It is that you can still see another's eyes.

You feel a connection beyond yourself when you make a point to connect,

To observe,

To witness in the present moment your wholeness with all of life.

This can be experienced each time that you observe yourself as a part of the collective whole,

Of the whole of humanity,

Of the whole of all goodness.

Right in this experience is your ability to feel the presence of your inner being,

What I call your highest self.

This is your inner voice,

Separate and distinct from the voice of your mind.

It is the eternal part of you and the deeper knowing that you are never truly alone whenever you are in the company of yourself.

I'm also including here some helpful resources and additional readings that speak to how loneliness affects us and especially during this time.

The fear of facing ourself no longer has to be what you seek to avoid and escape from and the additional habits and best practices that you can use to engage connection,

To feel a oneness with all living beings and to walk the planet knowing that you have the ability to feel an emotional connection as you share of yourself in meaningful ways and as you care deeply for others.

Be alone,

Love your time with yourself and you will always feel grateful for this.

I will also leave resources for self-love and for the ultimate self-love toolkit which you must have a look at and get your copy.

It is a complete digital resource to download,

Save and of course you may print it.

It includes guided prompts for reflective journal writing,

Guided meditations,

Mantras,

New habits and strategies for learning and deepening your level of self-care and self-love and much more including a one-on-one self-love coaching session with me.

And of course I always want to remind you that you may reach out to me at any time if you would like some further individual help with your choice to establish greater connection and meaning with yourself and with others and to live by choice in the certain happiness of being with yourself and with what you discover.

Thank you so much for listening.

This is Dorothy.

Namaste.

Thank you so much for joining me in this episode of the Wisdom Podcast.

To hear more,

Please check out the other episodes here and then join me at DorothyRatoosney.

Com where you can share your questions and feedback from this or any episode with me and where you'll also find the Wisdom Blog,

The inspiration for this podcast,

The latest online courses that I teach,

My YouTube videos,

An extensive library of free guided meditations for you to experience and enjoy,

Plus other special offerings of love.

Please also visit me on social media and say hello.

Allow yourself to go within,

To access your inner wisdom and to live this.

Awaken your authentic power,

Live your truth and be love.

This is Dorothy.

Namaste.