Stop Focusing On The Chickens Of Life

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast.

I'm Dr.

Rubber Puff.

Do you ever wonder why people turn towards drugs or alcohol?

And I don't just mean a casual drink after a nice dinner.

I'm referring to people that really struggle with the addiction of alcohol or drugs.

Because I really doubt there's a person on the planet that doesn't realize that people can become addicted to these substances.

And yet,

So many people end up doing that very thing.

Why is that?

Of course,

There's a myriad of reasons why people get addicted to substances.

Some being that they're genetically predisposed towards addictions.

Others because of a variety of reasons.

But at the core,

I really think it's one thing.

People turn towards substances because they don't like the way things are.

They're rejecting the way things are going right now and they want to change that.

They want to feel good,

So they turn towards substances to turn off the way they are feeling.

With the hopes that they'll feel better under the influence of these substances.

And in many ways,

They work.

A person could be having a really bad day and just not liking life or they're going through a breakup and their heart just doesn't want to deal with the pain of the breakup.

So they turn towards alcohol or substances to numb that pain.

And it works.

Temporarily.

And sadly,

With time,

Unfortunately,

Because it does work temporarily,

They need to keep using these substances in order to feel good now.

Because if they stop using,

Then all the feelings that they have inside will come rushing forth.

And it's just too overwhelming unless they get a lot of help through support.

I mean,

In an extreme case,

A woman could sleep with 6,

7,

8 different men a day and not even like sex and be okay as long as she kept using her substances.

Now many of us listening to this podcast don't struggle with full blown addictions.

But I think there's a really important lesson here that we can learn from people that do.

We really like things that go well and we don't like it when things don't go well.

And this desire for things to go well and reject things when they don't go well gets really strong throughout our lives.

It's our mind or ego saying,

I want everything to be great all the time.

And life says,

It's not going to be that way.

So we struggle.

Even if everything but one thing is perfect,

We can find that one thing and be miserable truly.

I remember once years ago being on vacation in Tahiti and I went out to one of the islands,

Bora Bora.

And at the resort,

All the rooms were over water bungalows.

It was incredible.

You could literally walk down the steps from your bungalow and swim in the ocean.

It was just truly spectacular.

Well I remember one day being in this magical place and there was a couple beside me.

And I asked them what they were doing there and they said they were on their honeymoon.

And I asked them,

Well,

What did they think of this magical place?

And I was expecting them to be so enthusiastic as I was because it was spectacular.

And the wife said,

She actually didn't like it.

She thought it was dirty.

And I said,

What do you mean?

She said,

Well,

They have chickens running around.

And it was true.

I mean I had noticed them but I thought it was just quaint and part of the ambiance and actually pretty cool.

But that one little thing where everything else was just magical,

She focused on that one thing and even though she was aware that it was very beautiful there,

The chickens really ruined the vacation for her and her honeymoon.

And I felt sad because I thought,

Wow,

There's just so much beauty here.

And you found that one thing to focus on and you're now unhappy even on your honeymoon.

You,

Like me,

May think this is sad too but it is what we so often do.

We are blessed by so many things and we'll find those one or two things that aren't well and we'll be discontent.

We'll be unhappy.

We'll be miserable.

We may even turn towards substances,

Not to feel the things that cause us this suffering.

But the suffering is because our egos,

Our minds say,

Everything has to be perfect.

And if it isn't,

Then I don't like it.

Our minds really turn towards wanting things to be well all the time.

And if they're not,

Then we're discontent.

No matter how wonderful things can be going,

There's just always something to be miserable about.

There's always something wrong in the world.

I guarantee if we want to find something to be miserable about,

To be unhappy about,

We will find it.

Because there's always something.

And that's what our minds do.

Our minds look for those little things,

And I know sometimes they're really big,

But they look for those things where the world isn't perfect.

The world isn't exactly the way we want it to be.

And so we're discontent.

But please don't misunderstand me.

I don't want this episode to be about what we're doing wrong.

I want us to understand what we're doing so that we can realize,

Oh,

I do that.

I mean,

We can think about the woman in Bora Bora complaining and think,

That's silly.

I would have loved being there.

But we do that.

We're really good at finding things that aren't perfect and focusing in on them.

Or even if everything is going really well,

Thinking about what might not be well in the near future.

Our minds are wonderful at creating stories of things not going well or things not being well.

Because the ego says everything has to be perfect.

Otherwise we're discontent.

Or otherwise we're just not happy.

And so many people are unhappy because life isn't going the way they want.

Life isn't perfect.

I know it sounds silly.

Why do we need life perfect?

But it's the few things that often cause us disruptions in our happiness.

It's our minds saying,

I want this different.

And forgetting all the things that are wonderful.

Because here's the real secret of happiness.

If we want to be happy,

We have to accept the way things are.

And stop focusing on the things that aren't going right.

And instead focusing on the things that are going well.

And loving those things,

Embracing life.

Because life always is giving us something beautiful.

Always.

Let me share a story very different from the one from Bora Bora.

I was in Egypt once,

Many years ago.

And I visited a group of people that were the garbage collectors of Egypt.

That was their job.

That was in many ways their caste.

Where they went out and collected the garbage.

And they brought it back to their homes.

And their homes were built out of just metal and pieces of wood that were left over.

And they lived in and around this garbage.

Well that day I visited,

We got to spend some time with a family that lived there.

And they had 10 children if I remember right.

And they had a very small place.

And I asked them,

How did they do it?

And they were so gracious.

And so loving and so kind.

And they had so little.

And I remember,

They actually offered me a Coke,

A soda.

Even though they had so much less than I did.

And I could just see the love and joy in their lives.

One,

They wanted to make things better.

And the good news is they did.

I learned later that they got involved in recycling.

And they really got to improve their lives.

And had a better life for themselves.

So they did work towards improvement.

But at the time,

Where none of us would want to live where they were living.

Because it was full of flies.

It was stinky.

It was dirty.

But this couple just shined with their love for their family.

And for what life had given them up to that point.

They found joy in the very little.

But then I began to wonder,

Why then here in the US,

Where we have so much,

Are we discontent?

Are we unhappy?

And the combination of visiting places like Egypt and going to places like Bora Bora,

I realized that wherever we are,

It doesn't make that much difference.

Not really.

I met people that had so little.

And were so much more joyful than anyone I'd almost ever met here in the US.

And yet the reverse was true.

I met people that had so much.

And yet were so unhappy.

Why was that?

It's because our egos really can find something wrong and focus on that.

And it isn't that having more or having less matters.

It's really irrelevant.

What matters is,

Do our minds focus on what isn't perfect?

Or do our minds work towards accepting what is and ultimately loving what is?

It's all about being with what is.

When we've done things to improve,

Which doesn't take much time,

Then mostly we just enjoy life.

Or like in last week's podcast,

We suck the marrow out of life.

We find things to say,

This is so beautiful,

I'm going to enjoy this to the nth degree.

And we do when we can.

Then we don't need addictions.

And even the things that aren't well,

Even the pains in our life,

Instead of running from them or trying to numb them,

There's a deep sense of embrace.

This is okay.

I can be with this pain,

No matter how horrible it is,

And let it go.

And then focus on what's beautiful in my life now.

Creating a beautiful life because I want to embrace life to the fullest.

We can do this,

But we need to stop rejecting some parts of life.

Sometimes life is challenging,

But even that doesn't have to be a bad thing.

It's just part of life.

And we work towards healing it,

We work towards making it better.

But if we don't,

Then even the chickens of life can cause us discontent when everything around us is going well.

I know for many of us,

We have a lot more issues than just chickens running around.

But the thing to keep in mind is,

Are we one trying to numb ourselves to feel better?

Because we can do that.

And that's a very dangerous path to go down.

And that one,

I guarantee you,

Will lead to pain.

Because think about a person that literally struggles with pain.

Once they start taking a narcotic to deal with that pain,

Whether prescription or not,

They keep needing more and more and more.

And though they get that temporary relief,

In the long run,

Their lives are very painful and challenging.

But for many of us,

It's not going to be that intense.

It's more going to be,

We just focus on the few things that are off.

And so by doing that,

We're missing out on all the beauty that is occurring in our life right now.

Or sometimes,

There's a lot of things that aren't going well.

But even then,

We are blessed in so many ways.

And what we do is we focus on those things.

If we're going through a divorce,

Do we not still have friends?

Do we not still have our health?

Do we not still have our jobs and things that we love to do,

That we can do?

Or if we're going through a health crisis,

Again,

Do we not have our family?

Do we not have our friends?

Do we not have outdoor nature that we can just sit in and bask in and enjoy?

There's always,

Always something beautiful to be with.

If we focus on that,

We'll find it.

If we focus on the chickens,

We'll find them.

I think if we can really remember that the chickens of life can disturb the most beautiful experiences that we're having,

That we'll realize that there's a lot of chickens we're letting run around in our head.

And we'll stop doing that.

Instead,

We'll look around and say,

Wow,

There are so many things I'm blessed by.

I have a roof over my head.

I have friends I get to see.

I have my health.

Whatever we have,

It may not be much compared to others,

But it's a lot more than others around the world.

We don't need things to be perfect to be happy.

We can be happy with imperfection.

And when we realize that,

That embracing life,

No matter what,

Even when it isn't going well,

Then we realize it can go well,

Even when parts of it aren't.

We can have beautiful lives.

It takes work.

It takes effort.

But if we work at it,

We will find that that effort will produce a beautiful life one day at a time.

Thank you for joining me on the happiness podcast.

Until next time,

Accept what is,

Love what is.