When We Get Bumped

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast.

I'm Dr.

Robert Puff.

I don't know about where you live,

But where I live,

There are a lot of coffee shops all over the place.

It seems like they're on every corner.

Well,

Today I want to share a beautiful story that was given to me recently about coffee,

Or if you're like me,

It can be about tea too.

Here's the story.

You're holding a cup of coffee when someone comes along and bumps into you or shakes your arm,

Making you spill your coffee everywhere.

Why did you spill the coffee?

Well,

Because someone bumped into me,

Of course.

Wrong answer.

You spilled the coffee because there is coffee in your cup.

Had there been tea in your cup,

You would have spilled tea.

Whatever is inside the cup is what will spill out.

Therefore,

When life comes along and shakes you,

Which will happen,

Whatever is inside of you will come out.

It's easy to fake it until you get rattled.

So we have to ask ourselves,

What's in my cup?

When life gets tough,

What spills over?

Joy,

Gratefulness,

Peace,

Humility,

Or anger,

Bitterness,

Harsh words and reactions?

You choose 100%.

Today,

Let us work towards filling our cups with gratitude,

Forgiveness,

Joy,

Words of affirmation,

And kindness,

Gentleness,

And love for others.

Isn't that beautiful?

I really like that.

Unfortunately,

I don't know who the author is,

But whoever they are,

They wrote very wise words.

So how is this story applicable to us?

And is there anything that we need to be careful with in regards to getting bumped?

If we're 12 or 102,

I'm sure we've all been bumped in life.

But what are these bumps and why are they so meaningful and helpful?

Well,

In life,

When everything is going well,

We're healthy,

We have lots of dear friends around us,

We're living our lives in the way that we want to,

And the road before us looks open and clear and beautiful.

But then life happens.

Life does things,

Sometimes in very big ways,

That say,

No,

This isn't the path you're going to be on anymore.

It's going to change.

And you're not going to like it because it sometimes can be a very dark thing,

Like a divorce,

Like an illness,

Like a loss of a job.

Sometimes life throws us things that are so challenging.

And we all know this,

But I think what this story is more about is the little bumps in life where someone does something that upsets us.

And they can happen all the time.

For example,

I just got back from a vacation in New York City for the holidays with my family,

And we decided one day to go see a movie.

And in California,

Where I live,

People are pretty courteous about not using their phones during the movie because there's a lot of ads beforehand asking people not to.

Well,

I learned very quickly that that was not true,

At least in the theater that I was in in New York City.

It seemed like maybe a fifth of the people were on their phone periodically throughout the movie.

At first,

I was like,

Wow,

What's this about?

But I realized,

Well,

This is what they do here,

And I just needed to adjust.

And I just enjoyed the movie.

But it was a bump.

Initially,

It was a bump,

Like,

What's going on here?

Why are they all doing that?

I mean,

Literally,

Two people in front of me,

Right in front of me,

Were both on their phones,

Probably 10% to 20% of the entire movie.

I mean,

There are so many little bumps in life.

We all know this.

They happen to us sometimes throughout the day,

Over and over again.

And they can really tell us what's going on inside of us.

Like the story said,

When things are going well,

It's easy to be kind,

It's easy to be gracious.

But when things aren't,

Perhaps a different part of us can manifest and we need to say,

Okay,

What's going on inside of me?

I remember one of the first times I went to New York City when I was in graduate school.

I drove there and I was going into the tunnel that led into New York City.

And there were a lot of different cars trying to get in and there were these two cars that were trying for the same spot.

And they started honking at each other.

They literally got out of their cars and had a fistfight over who would get the spot first.

That one really surprised me.

So the bumps in our lives can have a really big effect on us.

And what we want to do is look at it and say,

Okay,

How am I being affected by these bumps throughout my day?

Maybe we go through periods of time where we don't have many.

But when we have them,

That's the time to really use them as teachers.

Because what they're telling us is how we're doing right then at that moment.

Not who we are.

Who we are can change throughout our lives and throughout the day.

But sometimes we're tired,

We're exhausted,

And we're not as polite as we'd like to be.

We're not as gracious.

We're not as loving.

Other times we are very good and someone can do something horrible to us and we respond back in a very loving,

Caring way.

So I like to see these bumps as teachers.

They tell me,

How am I doing right now?

And I think if we take this approach,

It's very helpful.

So then we respond back with a bump in anger and protests or whatever we decide to do.

You can say,

Hmm,

Is that really what I want to do?

And if it isn't,

Then saying,

Well,

Then what's fueling that?

Because that's probably a little bit more of who I am when I'm just being more spontaneous.

So obviously I don't want to do this with my loved ones.

But I also don't want to act this way towards strangers.

I do want to treat people with respect and kindness.

It doesn't mean I will set boundaries.

It doesn't mean I won't protest.

It doesn't mean I won't call the police on people if I need to.

But I think we can do it in a much more loving,

Calm way.

So what happens is when we get these bumps,

They're very good teaching moments.

They teach us how we're doing right now.

And if we didn't respond in the way that we wish we would,

Then the next question to ask ourselves is then,

Well,

What's going on?

Is this just an old habit I have in place that I can work on?

And I'll start listening to these podcasts a lot more so I don't react this way anymore?

Or is it just a bad day that I'm having where I'm trying to fit too much in and I'm stressed and because I'm stressed,

I'm reacting in ways that aren't kind when I get bumped?

And then we can stop and say,

Okay,

Is getting all this done really worth it?

Or might it be better for me to just sit,

Meditate for 15 minutes,

And get back to the busy schedule that I have so that if I do get bumped or when I get bumped,

I can respond in a loving way instead of being angry?

We all know people that get bumped that react very kindly and they're very gracious.

But we also know people that when they get bumped,

They react with anger.

And what we don't want to do,

We don't want to attack these people and judge them.

We want to say,

Wow,

My guess is their day or their life isn't going very well.

Perhaps I'll say a prayer for them.

Perhaps I'll do something kindly towards them.

You'd be amazed when you reach out to someone in kindness,

How often you can get a smile from them.

But mostly what we focus on is ourselves.

How are we reacting when we get bumped?

Because mostly initially it is going to be a reaction.

We can respond with time.

If we pause,

Then we can make the right response.

But our initial gut is going to say,

This is our reaction.

And it isn't that we judge it.

We just look at it and say,

Okay,

Hmm,

Clearly I'm angry.

Well,

Why?

I got bumped.

I understand that.

But why does this make me angry?

What's going on here?

And maybe sometimes we'll say,

Well,

It warrants it.

It just was bad what they did and I'm reacting in an appropriate manner.

Perhaps.

But I also think it's good to understand how our hearts are doing throughout the day,

How we're feeling.

And are we taking care of ourselves?

Because when we take care of ourselves,

We will react more calmly.

I mean,

There's always going to be people out there that can frighten us,

That can scare us,

The things that can happen that can be like,

Oh my goodness,

I'm not sure if it's possible to react in any way but silence because we're just so upset at the time.

And sometimes that really is the best response.

Just be still.

And then when the heart settles,

Then decide how you want to respond.

I think what we look at though is what do we feel inside as we're watching what we're feeling?

Because we're going to feel a lot of things.

And these feelings are just what's inside of us right now.

And we use them as teaching tools to teach us how we're doing,

To teach us perhaps we need to change.

And then we make those changes so that we can have beautiful lives.

Because we're here listening to this podcast,

Because we truly want to be happy,

We want to be peaceful.

And what we're going to find is if we're reacting when we get bumped in harsh,

Unkind ways,

We're not going to be happy.

We don't want to judge that.

We just want to say,

Okay,

My goal throughout the day when I get bumped is to react as quickly as possible with kindness and gentleness.

We can do that when we're taking care of our hearts.

It really has very little to do with what the other person is doing to us.

It's 99%,

If not 100%,

How our hearts are doing.

When we're taking care of our hearts,

Then we can respond and react kindly.

And we'll find that will be what comes out of us.

And even when it's a bad day and we're exhausted,

We may still feel some anger.

And even if anger does come out,

We quickly can apologize because we're in touch with our hearts and we realize that that's a better path to be on.

We also realize that we're tired.

And when we're tired,

We're probably not going to be at our best.

And we may,

When we get bumped,

Spill something out that we wish didn't come out.

But when something spills out that we wish wasn't there,

That's when we say,

Okay,

There's areas I need to grow in.

There's areas that I need to learn from.

There's areas that I need to change in my life.

And that's the approach we take.

We don't judge ourselves to say I'm a horrible person for that reaction coming out of me when I got bumped.

It's more of a teaching moment,

A moment to say,

Okay,

I see this is what's inside of me right now.

What can I do to make it so if this happens again,

I respond in a way that I like that is more pleasant towards others and towards myself.

These are opportunities,

These bumps.

They're opportunities to learn what's happening inside of us because sometimes we're not always aware of how we're doing.

And again,

Because we can change,

We can always change and improve.

We say,

Oh,

I don't like the way I responded to that bump.

I'm going to work on changing this.

And then that's exactly what we do.

We work on saying,

Okay,

Why did I react this way?

What's going on inside?

Am I attached towards an outcome?

Am I too busy?

Am I frustrated?

Do I just not feel well?

Am I hungry?

We just start exploring and then we start making changes.

It can be such a beautiful thing to do to become self-aware through bumps.

It's amazing.

I want to share a story that when I was in New York City on this past trip that was really amazing to me.

We arrived Saturday evening and then some of my friends who live on the East Coast came and visited us on Sunday.

So we were out all day exploring New York City.

It was really fun and there were a lot of people everywhere because it was a holiday.

Well as we were walking towards Rockefeller Center,

A few of us had to go to the bathroom.

We just couldn't find a bathroom anywhere.

Well we walked past this church and I thought,

Huh,

I wonder if they'd have a bathroom inside.

So I went inside to see if I could find a bathroom.

Well when I got in there,

The incense was burning and it was very quiet.

There was just me and one other person in this very beautiful cathedral.

And I just stayed in there for about 10 minutes and I realized,

Wow,

It was such a contrast to what I'd been feeling out on the street.

Not that it was bad,

It was just different.

I just wasn't aware of the contrast and the feeling from being in a very quiet,

Peaceful place to being in a very large city with lots of people on a holiday week.

And that contrast just shocked me.

It was a good shock.

I really liked it.

It was beautiful.

And I stayed in there,

Like I said,

For 10 minutes.

So I think in life,

If we can,

When we get these bumps,

Just see them as teaching tools.

Not something to judge,

Not something to be upset over.

Just like,

Oh,

This is what's going on inside of me.

Hmm.

Now that I know that,

What can I do about it to get into that better place where I'm calmer,

Where I'm more peaceful,

Where I'm more loving towards myself than others?

That's all it is.

We're never solidified in who we are.

It's always changing.

Life changes.

So if we discover through a bump that we're not doing too well inside,

That there's anger,

That there's upsetness,

That there's stress,

Then we say,

Okay,

Is there anything I can do right now,

Even for a few minutes,

Just stopping and sitting to help calm me down and get me into that more peaceful place?

My hope is for everyone listening to this podcast at this moment,

That that is our goal.

Our goal is to live a peaceful,

Beautiful life,

No matter what happens,

No matter how big the bumps are,

No matter how often they're coming,

That we work towards.

As that writing said,

100% taking control of our reactions,

Our responses.

And if we don't like what we're seeing,

Then work towards changing it.

We can change.

That's the whole point,

Really,

Of this podcast.

The bumps are our teachers.

When we respond in ways,

When we react in ways that we like,

Then probably we're doing pretty well with our choices in life.

When we react,

When we respond in ways that we wish we hadn't,

Then we probably need to work towards making some changes.

And we can.

We can always change to our dying breath.

Thank you for joining me on the Happiness Podcast.

Besides creating this podcast,

There are a variety of other things that I do.

If you'd like to keep abreast of these activities,

Perhaps someday we may be able to meet in person,

Just go to www.

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Org.

That's happinesspodcast.

Org.

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And until next time,

Accept what is,

Love what is.