I’m Having A Hard Time Witnessing The Witness, Being Aware Of Awareness. Please Help!

X intra shin Kismar lifesin Okay,

Let's do it together.

So right now,

Your object is the computer screen and somebody on this computer screen.

Yes.

That is the object of the senses.

Here the senses are sight and both sound.

You can hear my sound and you can see me on the screen.

Are you observing that?

Yes.

So now,

Next level.

The mind is observing the eyes observe Ekta.

Can you see the mind?

Yes.

The mind is observing the ears hear Ekta.

Yes?

Yes.

How do you know that there was the mind observing the sight and the sound?

There is a knower behind there,

Right?

Yes.

Yeah.

Now,

Just sink back into the knower.

You cannot turn into the knower.

The problem with most people is because they were turned outwards while observing the object and the mind.

Now they try to turn in and in the process of turning in,

They are manufacturing a blank screen.

It's not really there.

Your mind is manufacturing it.

You don't have to turn in.

Just sink back in.

Sink back in to the witness and now just rest there.

So though you were in the witness,

You still can see the mind.

You still can see the ears and the eyes performing their function of hearing and seeing.

All together it is happening.

You have sunk into the witness.

This is called witnessing the witness or being aware of awareness itself or knowing the knower.

Words do not matter.

Kind of go back into some sort of blankness.

Yes,

But now don't manufacture a blankness with the mind.

Just experience the sinking kind of.

.

.

It's almost a bodily sensation,

A sinking feeling when you go back.

Not really happening but I'm just trying to explain it metaphorically.

You just go back to the witness.

There is a sinking.

It's as melting.

So you're still observing thoughts and everything else that's going on around.

Yes,

All that is still there.

Don't expect the world to disappear.

There is no magic happening here.

The world is not going to disappear.

I am going to learn to be established in this witnessing and learn to witness everything knowing that everything is just made up of this witnessing.

This will slowly slowly open up when you practice it more and more and more.

It's basically in words if I want to put it,

It is withdrawing from unnecessary chit chat in the mind.

When you are not doing anything,

You're just chilling out at home.

The mind is going on and on and on and you are engaged in that silly,

Even if it's a silly conversation in the mind,

You're engaged.

Witnessing is becoming disengaged and relaxing and watching that thought come but because you are not feeding the thought you also see it die.

What is the meaning of feeding the thought?

When it comes,

I attach a second thought to it and then the next and the next and then it goes on increasing.

I stop feeding when I'm relaxing in the witness.

This does not mean again that thoughts will stop coming forever.

It's not possible.

Thoughts coming is a natural process but it is not natural for me to continue my unnecessary chit chat with my thoughts.

You see what I'm saying?

Yeah.

I mean I can,

Whenever I'm looking at something or you know whenever there are thoughts coming,

I can see the thoughts coming.

I can,

Like you said,

I can be a witness to it.

I'm not,

I mean there are a lot of thoughts coming.

I mean there are like non-stop coming but I can witness it but is that,

I just wanted to make sure I was practicing it right.

Yes.

I can still witness the thoughts.

I can still see them coming but I don't know if I'm sinking in like you said.

I don't know.

That's what you have to figure out.

Am I jumping into the thought and the corresponding emotion it brings or am I at a distance?

This being at a distance is only the first leg of the meditation like we did yesterday.

Yeah.

The second leg is to recognize now,

To understand the nature of this knowingness or this awareness or this witnessing.

Yeah.

The nature is that it really is beyond this body.

Do you recognize that?

It's not that you're witnessing from a little window here.

Somehow it feels it's somewhere within the body.

Maybe it's just the trilium in every stage that I'm in or you know.

Okay.

Fantastic.

So at least you have started on the first leg.

Now the next leg for you to work on is to recognize when I'm witnessing and not jumping into my thought.

Then that is the point of starting the second leg practice.

Just observing.

Just observing this witnessing.

Yeah.

This witnessing is like the awareness of everything.

The entire room,

The computer,

The person in front of you,

Behind,

Above,

Everything.

I can experience it.

So is it limited by the senses because the world that you're seeing outside,

You know,

Even though you're in the witness,

You're still perceiving it through the five senses,

Only the first leg,

Only the first leg where you come step by step beyond the senses to the mind and then you notice,

Oh,

There's a knower beyond the mind also.

When you recognize the knower beyond the mind,

This knower knows that the eyes can only see this much.

Does the knower know,

Roshan knower can know that the eyes can only see this much.

The knower knows that the thoughts are coming and going,

Feelings are arising.

Yes.

It can feel sensations in the whole body.

And how can you say that knower is just limited here?

You're seeing your feeling sensations in the whole body.

Yes.

Yeah.

So you're aware for,

I don't know what's your height,

Five feet,

Six feet,

At least that much awareness is there from top to bottom.

Yes.

You can observe that.

Now you are also,

Awareness has got nothing to do with mind's attention if that is very clear.

Yeah.

It's not the question of taking the attention anywhere.

It's just relaxing in this awareness right now.

Just relax in it.

Don't try to understand it through the mind because then you're jumping back out to the mind.

You be there and just sink in.

Because if I'm being aware,

I mean there's so many things going on right?

I mean it's,

You know,

There's sensations in the body,

There's thoughts.

I mean at one point I can only be aware of something,

You know,

Maybe the sensation in the body.

So it's like you said,

Is it just,

Is it just sinking in and just being a witness?

Correct.

Just be the witness.

Now being the witness is only the second leg.

We haven't even started the third.

Right.

Yeah.

So now just be the witness.

Now you just be,

Just be.

You yourself will experience a void come over.

The void is there.

It's not that it is coming from somewhere.

You will recognize that the more I sink into this witness,

It is quiet,

It is empty,

It is silence.

It is actually of the nature of peace.

It's the peace that I'm really thirsting for.

Yeah.

Where does this peace come from?

This quality of peace just comes from you not jumping into the mind and starting your inner conversations.

When you don't do this,

There is no involvement with the mind and I have just resting behind,

Just sunk behind.

Then I am in that absolute quiet peace that I've been thirsting for.

I look for it outside,

But it is actually right here.

Yes.

When this realization becomes very clear in you,

Now you make the effort of the third leg.

Now I'm going to check.

So when you start thinking in that first thought,

Notice is there anything,

Any reality to this thinking other than witnessing?

The witnessing and thinking is happening together.

They are not separate.

It was just explained separately in the first leg to understand it.

But really they are not separate.

Thinking and witnessing is happening simultaneously.

When you get up and you start perceiving the world,

Perception of this world and the witnessing of that is happening simultaneously.

So now this peace that was in the background will now go into the foreground.

It is like a wave that has now taken over the rest of your so-called foreground.

There was never really a background in foreground.

It is just the way I have become aware of it.

And this witnessing element,

This itself is called the Brahman consciousness.

It is conscious.

It is knowingness.

It knows itself.

It knows everything.

It is awareness.

So everything is made up of knowingness and awareness.

I really do not know matter.

I do not know if objects exist or not.

All I know is my perceiving of that object and perceiving is not different than witnessing.

So only the witness exists.

Only knowingness is.

Only Brahman is the truth.

Brahman Satyam.

Even if you reach this understanding,

In your real understanding,

In your realisation,

Automatically Jagat becomes Mithya,

Means the world becomes an illusion.

Clear?

It sounds like I am still in the first leg.

No problem.

We will get there.

Do not worry.

Do not worry.

We will get there.

So start practising.

You are walking or you are doing your whatever you are doing in the house.

Everything you touch,

Even if you touch the computer pad or the glass or something,

A recognition that there is only perceiving here and is perceiving different than witnessing?

Oh,

It is the same.

I was simply thinking that when I am witnessing the thoughts,

Then the witnessing is separate and the thoughts are separate.

No,

No,

No.

Actually,

It is just one.

Perception is made up of awareness.

Sensation itself is made up of awareness.

Thoughts are made up of the stuff called awareness.

Feelings are made up of the stuff called awareness.

And this awareness is nothing but peace.

And finally,

You will come to this understanding that awareness in activity is the mind.

Mind at rest is the awareness.

Is it okay to have thoughts?

Of course it is okay to have thoughts.

You have to just start seeing that these thoughts are also the awareness itself.

Awareness in activity is the mind.

Don't make thoughts your enemy.

They are not.

They are actually an instrument for us to recognise this witnessing element,

This knowingness,

This consciousness,

This awareness.