Hi everyone,
My name is Colleen and I'm the voice of Gabriel Free.
The following is an audio journal of my journey to move out of depression and back to feeling good.
I've worked for quite a few years on self-healing and most of it I've done through journaling.
This is the first time I've used an audio journal but I'm really hoping that if I put it out there I know that through the years I've figured out certain things that I need to do to start to pull myself out of depression and I thought maybe I'd share it and maybe it might help someone or encourage someone else to share their journey because we all know that with depression it's not talked about half as much as it should be.
So that's it,
Hope you enjoy it and I'd love your feedback.
Thanks so much.
Okay so this is day three of turning around this energy,
Standing up again,
Trying to get a handle on the depression energy that I've been feeling.
Okay so you know yesterday looking back on it okay looking back on it and I just listened to what I recorded yesterday for audio and actually it doesn't sound as bad as I thought it did but looking back I was just like oh my god that was just awful I felt like I was just dripping of with sadness and victimhood anyway so it didn't sound that bad but you know what at the same time that's the reality of it that's kind of it's kind of where I was at yesterday and you know I've recognized and learned a few things because of that experience and because of looking at it today my energy has been a little bit better I I feel like I'm starting to bring a bit of balance I did my walk okay I did my walk that's the first thing that I did this morning and once again that 20-minute walk and you know I begin to recognize like I mean what I've been trying to do is separate this energy from me and I want to observe it not absorb it the thing is is that I can I can observe it and you know recognize what it takes to heal it and what I'm what I'm doing right now is actually working towards that okay my three magic things that helped me gain some awareness and I feel like today I'm benefiting a little bit from that awareness because I am able to push some things aside I recognize that there are some things that I was doing that had a lot of guilt attached to them that had a lot of fear attached to them and these are things that I typically like to do but it all depends on what your perception is moving into them and also if I can accentuate the fact that my focus is not there so you know if I'm reading something for instance you know I get halfway through it and I feel like I have to start over again because my focus is not there so it could be something that I really enjoy reading but because my focus is not there and I'm feeling scattered and overwhelmed you know I'm trying to control all everything everything everything everything and of course we all know how impossible that is so today having a little conversation and thought process this morning with myself you know it's kind of like okay no you know what that thing that you're doing whatever it is that is bringing you down that deep dark hallway filled with guilt and worry and fear you know what you're gonna let it go down you're gonna let it go for a day because right now until you figure out how to re-enter that it's just not a good place for you to go you're not accomplishing anything and it leaves you feeling worse than you did before you started doing it okay so that's kind of what I'm doing today I'm doing my walk I'm doing my journal which I've already started and this is part of my journaling this audio I still have to do to do my meditation which I'm hoping I don't fall asleep from today because I did yesterday as well a little bit I think I mentioned that anyway and I'm also you know along with my meditation I'm also trying to put in some self Reiki and I'm also doing Reiki my family is offering their services and so I'm gonna do a bit of Reiki because Reiki always makes me feel good well of course how could it not that energy so I'm trying to really concentrate on giving myself things and creating my time rather than just being you know sent down the river with whatever I get whatever comes my way whatever our you know energies out there I have to remind myself this is energy this is energy it's not you know not to take it all and just like sync with it I have to look at it observe it understand it and that will help me be free of it you know and I have to put up my boundaries with this energy and go no I'm not going there like the guilt and the oh no I don't do that kick that baby to the curb so anyway this is kind of where I am right now I'm feeling a little stronger I feel like I've been able to separate the energy it's day three I'm not saying that you know this is an up-and-down process so I'm hoping that I'm feeling today like I'm a little bit more on my way I've seen kind of a little bit of my perspective changing and that is the whole goal so to do I'm hoping I know in the past that five days has given me a good handle on it and today's day three so I'm gonna keep I'm trying to I don't want to beat myself up for the things I'm not doing right now I want to really only focus on the things that I that I'm able to accomplish right now and on the process of my becoming more aware of where I am what I'm doing what I choose to do and to kick the other crap out to be able to go no I'm not going there I'm not going there see ya bye and replacing that thought or that food or that whatever I I have you know I'm not putting too much on my plate pun intended but I can't control everything and I'm not trying to I'm trying to make a list of the things that I am doing rather than all the things that I'm not doing so before I get too complicated on this I'm gonna leave it at that I'm gonna say that today I feel is better than yesterday and I know yesterday well no I don't even want to say it was better than the day before because I felt like I was a little up a couple days ago but anyway today it is what it is I feel like I'm making progress and I'm gonna leave it at that and I'll talk again tomorrow have a good one
