Hi everyone,
My name is Colleen and I'm the voice of Gabriel Free.
The following is an audio journal of my journey to move out of depression and back to feeling good.
I've worked for quite a few years on self-healing and most of it I've done through journaling.
This is the first time I've used an audio journal but I'm really hoping that if I put it out there I know that through the years I've figured out certain things that I need to do to start to pull myself out of depression and I thought maybe I'd share it and maybe it might help someone or encourage someone else to share their journey because we all know that with depression it's not talked about half as much as it should be.
So that's it,
Hope you enjoy it and I'd love your feedback.
Thanks so much.
Okay this is day two of standing up.
I just finished my walk which I kind of keep to about 20 minutes.
I usually try to make it where it is attainable because it's better to.
.
.
I can't leave any room to beat myself up while I'm feeling this energy.
I'm still.
.
.
I'm feeling tired today,
My whole body.
I can say after my walk it's a little bit more relaxed,
Tired.
So I guess that's good except that I have a few other things that I want to do.
Okay so keeping to my three things,
I did a 20-minute walk.
That's great and it felt good.
It did feel good to do it and you know while I'm doing it I'm looking at my thought process and I recognize that I'm still trying to get myself on track.
I know that I'm gonna do these three things but I'm still trying to get myself on track and not to be pulled off track by other things because I found myself thinking about other things that I need to get done that I'm feeling overwhelmed with.
And I mean depression,
That's the whole thing.
You're feeling overwhelmed.
You're feeling like you can't get anything.
You're looking at everything all at once and it just seems insurmountable.
So what I need to do is kick those aside.
I need to tell myself no let's stick to the three things.
After that you know there's always other things that I do in a day but getting these three things done is gonna give me my best foot forward in accomplishing anything else because I'm you know kicking out and refocusing my energy on on achieving rather than feeling overwhelmed and not achieving.
So like I said I'm feeling it in my body.
I feel teary today.
I feel it right in my throat.
I feel like you know that little lump in your throat you feel like you can it's just sitting there.
And you know what honestly if I hadn't been doing my walk and recognizing observing myself my thoughts and everything going on inside of me and my tiredness I wouldn't have you know been able to pinpoint that that lump in it that I could just like cry with the drop of a pin.
But moving forward I what pushes me forward is I've done this before.
It's not easy while you're in it but I do know that what I'm doing works and I'm hoping that once I get these things in a bit of a routine for myself I'll see things opening up in my day and I'll I'll see the energy bounce back and I'll see that little lump in my throat disappear and the tiredness in my whole body honestly.
I feel like you know I could just fall asleep.
In fact yesterday you know that's the other thing that I'm kind of trying to work with is is with meditation.
I just came you know it's about keeping my focus and of course we all know that whenever you're you know out of sorts or whatever it's harder to meditate but that doesn't mean you don't meditate.
Just it's about pulling it all together and refocusing but you keep trying and trying and it does come back and I do know that.
Anyway yeah falling asleep through meditation though and I know I know maybe I should sit up more but ultimately my ultimate place is to it to lay down for meditation and it usually works for me except for in times like this when I fall asleep because I'm tired but regardless going forward still sticking to my three things.
This is my second of the day and I kind of just started up my my day two journal for standing up and thought I would put these thoughts out there to share and and hoping that maybe you know maybe they'll inspire someone else.
I just know how terrible it is to be in depression energy and the more you look at it though the less scary it becomes and so you know you can start turning over and going no I don't want that I don't want that I'll pick this and I'm feeling good today I can't wait till I'm feeling better.
Anyway I'm gonna leave it at that for today and have a good one.
Talk later.
