Self-Control, Overcoming Laziness And Community (Live Q & A)

Welcome to Life,

Lessons and Laughter with your host Glenn Ambrose.

Hey everybody,

Welcome to Ask Glenn Anything.

There he is,

The man,

The myth,

The myth,

The legend,

Glenn Ambrose.

Hey Glenn.

The man,

The myth,

The mess.

Is that what you're going to say?

Yeah,

I messed it up.

I was trying to say nice things and they didn't come out.

But that's okay.

How are you today my friend?

Good,

Good.

I'm about to leave the DR on Saturday.

Today's Thursday so my time here is almost done temporarily.

Nice,

But you are coming back.

I am,

Yeah,

I am coming back here.

Which is the important thing.

Yeah,

And it'll be nice to see my son and my dog,

Some family and friends back in the States.

So I'm looking forward to that.

Yeah,

Absolutely.

Sarah says hi guys.

Hey Sarah.

Hey Sarah.

So if you have questions for Glenn,

Ask them in the comments below and then Glenn will answer them.

So,

All right,

Glenn,

Our first question today is from an email.

And by the way,

If you do not feel comfortable asking your question publicly,

You can always email Glenn at Glenn Ambrose dot com.

Just send an email to Glenn at Glenn Ambrose dot com and we will ask your question.

If not tonight,

Then next week on Ask Glenn Anything every Thursday live at 6 PM.

All right,

So this question is,

Hi Glenn.

I am very bad at confrontation and I'm trying to get better and do it from a loving source.

I have a client that is very difficult that I have to fire.

How do I go about that in a polite and loving way?

Good question.

Yeah,

You know,

I think part of the confrontation aspect is,

This is kind of new that word confrontation has been jumping up lately and it's,

I realized that it really conjures up specific things.

Confrontation sucks.

So no wonder why many people try to avoid it.

Nobody likes confrontation,

You know,

But I think we need to let go of that word and just,

You know,

Which is going to help us come at it from a different angle because that word has such negative connotations to it.

So it's not a,

You know,

If we let go of that word,

Then it's not about confrontation.

It's just simply about dealing with a situation in a loving way.

That's not that daunting,

You know,

Let's just deal with the situation in a loving way.

But the question was asked very well also because it's,

You know,

I want to come from a loving way,

So I don't want to come from frustration,

Which is important.

That's the primary thing.

If you come from love,

Then that's really all you can do.

You can't control the outcome.

You can't control whether the other side gets upset or not,

But you can control yourself,

Your intentions and the energy in which you've come from.

And then,

You know,

You got to let the results take care of themselves.

Some people are going to lose their mind no matter how you come at them.

You know,

You can spoon food,

Feed them honey for three hours and then,

You know,

And then bring it across and it still ain't going to happen.

So,

You know,

You have to be unattached to the outcome and just know you can control what you can control.

And then,

You know,

I think like in a situation of like firing people,

Firing employees,

I think is a really good example of this,

But sometimes firing clients,

Lots of different situations.

We have to understand that like we're not doing people favors by continuing on with a dysfunctional situation.

You know,

If it's not working like a,

You know,

A client employee or a employee employer,

Those are agreements between two people.

You do this and I do this.

And if those,

If either side it's not working for one side,

That agreement is renegotiable at any time with negotiation,

A possibility of ending it.

You know,

You can renegotiate aspects of it or you could end it.

I mean,

That's just,

It's just an agreement.

It's,

You know,

So if it's not working like,

I think a lot of times we have to realize that the,

It's not working for the other person also,

Usually,

You know,

So if somebody needs to be fired,

Usually it's because they're not doing what they need to be doing to meet the agreement.

And if people aren't doing what they need to be doing,

It's usually because it's not their forte.

They don't really want to be doing it.

It's not what they should be doing.

That's usually why people aren't doing it.

You know,

So,

So what we're doing,

Hanging on to them and going,

No,

I don't want to be mean,

Is we're allowing them to live an unsatisfactory life for a longer period of time.

We're enabling them,

You know,

And a lot of times people can't see it themselves if it's like,

You know,

If it's a situation where,

Where the,

You know,

Usually people are attached to things and they're looking for safety.

So they're like,

No,

I don't want it to end.

You know,

No,

It's like,

Well,

This isn't working for you.

It's this isn't working for you.

So it's,

You know,

If it's not working for you,

Go find something that works better for you.

That way you'll be happier and I'm happier.

You know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I like it.

Karen says,

Tell the client they deserve better and should look elsewhere to better apply their service that you're not adequate for them.

Ah,

The old it's,

I'm not good enough for you.

That's a classic breakup technique.

It's ask Karen.

Hey Karen.

Hi Karen.

Dot,

Dot,

Dot.

She always says hi,

No matter what show I'm doing,

She comments.

Hi Ben.

Dot,

Dot,

Dot.

I don't know if it's good or bad.

I'm going to say it's a good thing.

I think it's bad.

I think it's bad.

I disagree.

So anyway,

Glenn,

All right.

Are you ready for a question numero two?

If you have questions,

By the way,

Put them in the comments or send them to Glenn at Glenn Ambrose.

Com.

You can do that if you don't want to ask it publicly.

All right.

So here we go.

Part Deux.

I have an issue with self control.

I have always had an issue with self control.

No matter what it is,

I know the right thing to do.

And then I tend to do the opposite where I let my impulses take control over me.

How do I work on this?

Oh man.

Do I,

Do I resonate with that question?

This is where my past comes in handy.

Oh boy.

I'm just going to take it away,

Glenn.

Yeah.

The,

The,

My past,

I mean,

You know,

I lived a very dysfunctional life for,

For 20 years.

And I remember when I was first,

You know,

My version of dysfunction took the look of alcoholism.

So when,

And I woke up spiritually going through the recovery process.

So when I was going through that process,

I was going to a lot of AA meetings and stuff.

And I remember,

Man,

This is over 17 years later.

And I remember sitting in a meeting in a men's group meeting and somebody going,

I don't even think I was paying attention fully because like I'm ADHD,

So my mind's all over the place.

So especially on meetings.

So like,

You know,

I'm trying to pay attention,

But like,

I don't think I really was.

And then all of a sudden that person speaking said something and it like jumped out and grabbed a hold of me.

And they said,

I,

I,

You know,

I realized that I never said no to myself.

That was it.

And like,

All of a sudden that,

That line hit me and I saw all these,

Like my whole life passed before my eyes sort of thing.

And I was like,

Oh my God,

I've never told myself no,

Like in the last 20 years,

Like if I thought it,

It happened for the most part,

Very rarely.

And,

You know,

I think part of that was because I didn't have a fear of consequences,

You know,

Like you know,

My life took a large turn in junior high when I just got sick and tired of trying to be good.

And,

You know,

Isn't this interesting how it goes full circle?

You know,

The ADHD was,

Had me bouncing off the walls.

I could not stay out of trouble in school.

Like they didn't diagnose people with ADHD.

They diagnosed you with a pain in the ass.

That's what you were,

You know?

So I was constantly being sent to the office and being grounded at home and,

And impulse control.

Right.

So I had poor impulse control.

So,

I mean,

I was doing that.

I was getting in trouble everywhere all the time.

So in junior high,

I was like,

Well,

I'm punished all the time anyway.

Why don't I just go try having some fun and,

You know,

And then I,

I don't think my life is really going to change that much.

Why don't I give up trying to be good?

That's what it was,

You know?

So I did,

I just gave up trying to be good.

I started doing whatever I wanted,

Whenever I wanted without all the guilt and the shame that used to come along with it.

And my life didn't change.

You know,

I was grounded all the time.

I was sent to the office all the time,

Power for the course,

Nothing changed,

Except I was having tons of fun.

So I was like,

Oh my God,

This is,

I found the key to life.

This is wonderful.

And I latched onto that for 20 years,

You know,

And it was a solution at the time.

I didn't understand fully at the time that it had gigantic negative repercussions as well.

So it was a crappy solution,

But it was a solution.

So in my life,

I look like if I did slow down enough to look at the consequences,

I just did that.

I looked at them and I went,

Eh,

I'll roll the dice.

If I get caught,

I'll pay the consequences.

If I don't,

Cool.

Either way,

It's a win-win.

And I did lots of crazy,

Crazy things.

And it's just,

It,

You know,

Once I woke up and,

And started being responsible for my own life and actually having some sort of direction,

I understood that I need to control my behaviors.

I need to control the direction of my life.

You know what,

I,

I didn't understand this,

But what I was doing was actually giving up and throwing away control over my own life.

And,

You know,

So I didn't have the ability to do,

I just gave up,

You know,

And of course that's no way to get what you want out of life.

You need to steer your life.

You need to direct your life.

You need to co-create your life through intention and making good choices.

And,

You know,

I wasn't doing any of that.

So when I woke up,

I learned to take responsibility for my own actions,

Slow down and look at my why,

Why am I doing things?

How is this going to benefit me?

You know?

And I think really the,

When we stopped floating around and pretending now,

Like,

Like we have no control over our own lives.

I mean,

See,

This is the dichotomy of spirituality because half the time I'm telling you that you don't have any control over your life.

And half the time I'm telling you that you do.

And they're both true.

There is a flow to life that we have no control over,

But how we interact with that flow,

We have all the control over.

So,

You know,

So I was just floating around and doing whatever I wanted irresponsibly.

But when I channeled that energy and I actually started directing my flow of life along with that flow and making conscious choices for conscious reasons,

Understanding why I was doing them,

Then all of a sudden I started,

You know,

I started heading in the right direction.

So I think my business is a perfect example to explain both.

Like I didn't know if I was supposed to be a life coach,

But it was the closest to what I thought you might be able to do with little schooling because I'm not a school guy.

So I was like,

Okay,

I'll head in that direction,

You know?

And then an opportunity when the building came up that I had to use my personal training background and do events and other stuff that I didn't necessarily want to do,

But it helped me launch my business.

I didn't plan that.

Life gave me that and said,

This is a good way for Gwen to get his business started because he went and got his certification and at least started walking in a general direction of what he should be doing,

You know?

And then when the podcast got picked up through IT and Insight Timer and,

You know,

My business started going and then I could direct my business to more of what I wanted.

And then when my in-person clients started minimizing and my online presence started increasing,

Like I didn't plan that.

I didn't say I want an online business.

It just all of a sudden,

You know,

I'm thinking about moving to Florida and I realized I only have two in-person clients.

Everybody else is online or phone.

I can move anywhere I want.

So I did.

I didn't plan it.

See,

Life guides you if you go along with it,

But I had to co-create and participate in the journey consciously to the best of my ability.

I didn't know that I was going to have an online business,

But I knew that I wanted to help people life coaching.

So I had,

So I did what I could do in that consciously,

You know?

So we,

That's our co-creation.

We do our part and life does its part.

And to be honest,

Life does about a hundred times more than we do,

But we do need to steer the boat.

We're just not the power behind it.

Life is the power that makes,

Actually makes everything happen.

We're just kind of steering it a little bit to some degree.

I'm paying attention and nudges.

Yeah.

That that makes sense.

Sarah says,

Oh my God,

I so relate to this.

I love it.

So yeah.

What what else guys,

If you have,

We have a,

We have a bunch of people watching right now.

If you guys have questions,

Feel free to to send them in.

Of course you can also email them to Glenn at glennambros.

Com.

We'll answer them next week.

When Glenn is back in sunny Florida,

Sunny FLA.

Yep.

So Glenn I have a,

Another question here from our emails.

And that is I have always considered myself lazy.

I need to do things and I just don't get them done.

Little things like picking up my room or organizing my mail,

Taking care of bills.

Is this Braden?

This is not Braden.

Okay.

I just want to make sure.

Although,

Although it gets me a little lazy.

So that was the end of the email that you just talked over.

So so yeah.

So how do you deal with with laziness or when you,

When you yourself feel lazy?

Yeah,

You just got to live on purpose.

You know,

I think this is taking responsibility for our lives.

I mean,

It's,

You know,

There are tricks to it.

You know,

Helpful little tools that I'll try to get into,

But I mean,

At the end of the day,

You got to kick yourself in the ass and do stuff like,

I mean,

You gotta be responsible for your own life.

You know,

Life is what happens when you're busy doing other things.

You know,

Not making a decision is deciding to stay stuck.

You know,

So we think like passivity doesn't really mean anything.

We're neutral.

No,

Passivity is negative.

Just sitting around,

Not participating in your life wrecks your life.

You know,

Like I heard it said one time,

It's like a car on a hill.

Like if you put it in neutral,

You're going backwards.

Like that's what happens.

So you we can't,

You know,

Everything's moving,

Everything's spinning,

The universe is expanding,

The world is turning,

There's movement to everything.

And if we are just sitting still navigating our way around staying stuck,

Then it's,

You know,

We are damaging our life.

So you have to be realistic and stop playing around going,

Well,

It's not that big of a deal.

No,

It is a big deal.

Be responsible for your life.

So,

You know,

You got to get your head really looking at things clearly.

I think one of the biggest reasons we don't,

You know,

We have issues in life is because we don't look at things clearly enough or deep enough.

We just sit there and we go,

You know,

We see a meme,

You know,

Like,

Oh,

You know,

Well,

It doesn't really,

You know,

Sometimes yes,

Sometimes no,

But sometimes it's okay to sit still or something.

We go,

Oh,

That's the excuse I was looking for to sit on my ass.

Perfect.

I love that meme.

I'm going to share it,

You know,

And then we adopt it as like a life motto or something.

It's like,

Think about what you're doing,

You know,

Go deeper,

Man.

You know,

Look at the consequences,

Take responsibility for your life.

So,

You know,

But when,

If there's something you're trying to accomplish and you're not accomplishing it,

One of the most common reasons is because it's too big.

Hi mom.

So it's too big,

You know,

So don't worry about judging whether it should be too big or it shouldn't be too big.

Just the fact is that it's too big.

If you're having trouble picking up your room,

Then the task is too big.

So say,

Okay,

I'm not going to,

I'm not going to pick up my whole room that's too big of a task because it's not getting done.

So what I am going to do is break it up into smaller sections.

I'm going to clean a half of my room or I'm going to clean a quarter of my room or I'm just going to take the laundry and put it in the basket.

That's it,

Nothing else.

And then I'll do the next thing or sit down and write,

You know,

Say I'm not doing anything today to disengage your ego because your ego is trying to keep you stuck.

It's trying to be in control of you.

That's how it talks you out of things.

You wait until it's time to clean your room and then your ego kicks in and goes,

Yeah,

But you don't really need to do it now.

I mean,

Really,

What's the big,

Any excuse to start coming?

So don't get into a conversation with your ego.

Sit down one day,

Say,

Ego,

I'm not doing anything today.

And it goes,

Oh,

Wow,

You're not doing anything.

Okay,

Cool.

I'll just check out.

And then because as soon as he goes to do something,

I'll re-engage and I'll control them like I always do.

It's very easy.

I have full control over this puppet.

So,

So it's just,

So it disengages and then you write a list and you go,

Okay,

You know,

Over the next week,

This is what I'm going to do.

I'm going to spend 15 minutes per day until it's done.

Or I'm going to do this corner first,

Or I'm going to do,

I'm going to pick up the dirty dishes one day and then I'm going to do the laundry the next day.

And then I'm going to like break it into small chunks and write it down and then by God,

Stick to it.

You know,

Pick even write down what time each day you're going to do it.

Yeah.

And then when that time comes,

Do not get into a conversation with your ego.

Don't listen to your head.

You made a commitment,

Do it.

And if you do stuff like that,

It's more than cleaning your room.

You will actually regain control over your life because if you look at what's happening,

If somebody can't clean their room,

You literally cannot control your life.

It's not about your own.

I don't care about your own.

It's the fact that you literally have no control over what you do do and what you don't do in your own life.

That's a problem.

You know,

So take it seriously and change it.

And every time you don't listen to your mind and accomplish something,

Pat yourself on the back.

Yes.

Sweet.

Look,

See,

I can take control of my life.

I can do this and then do the next thing and then do the next thing.

And you'll,

You'll literally,

I know this is such a wonderful example.

It sounds like we're talking about somebody cleaning their room.

It's so much more than that.

This will literally change your life.

Literally because it will empower you to be able to do whatever you want to do.

You can,

This can be the beginning of,

This can be the first day of the rest of your life just by learning to be in control of what you do do and what you don't do.

You know,

I think that that's what,

That's what the most important thing is.

So don't,

You know,

Don't minimize it into something that's like,

It's a task because that's not what we're talking about.

And that's one of the best ways to stay stuck is when you're thinking it's just a task.

Your ego can just be like,

Oh,

It's not important.

And then that's where all the excuses come in.

So don't think of it as a task.

Think of it as an exercise to regain control over your life.

And then you do it with that.

And then,

Like I said,

You feel that empowerment,

You feel better about yourself and then you do it with something else and then you feel better about yourself.

And then all of a sudden you're,

Now all of a sudden you're starting to feel the,

The empowerment that you have over your own existence.

And that is like seductive,

Man.

That feels great.

It's like,

So,

You know,

Feed off of that and be like,

What else can I accomplish?

One of the best,

This is how,

The reason it feels so good is because it's life force flowing through us.

When we are sitting there,

Not really doing much with our life,

Our energy is low because we require a movement.

We require an opening and we require life force to flow through us when accomplishing tasks and interacting with life and doing things.

And you know,

Like there,

Like,

Have you ever seen somebody that's like 110 years old with low energy?

Never.

People that live to 110 are very high energy.

They're like constantly moving.

They're doing things.

Why?

Because their life force is open.

Their life force is flowing through them and that's them participating in life.

So this is what we can do.

We can,

As we participate in our own life and take action and start creating the life that we want,

That that life force flows through us and we gain more energy and we're like,

Oh my God,

Now all of a sudden life is fun.

It's like we're actually,

You know,

We're actually participating in life and we're playing with the energy of life and it's flowing through us and we're energetic and we're happy and it feels great.

That's living.

You know,

Sitting around,

This is why people sit around and talk about retirement all the time.

And it's like,

Oh,

We think unconsciously and sometimes consciously that we're going to be happy when we can sit on our ass and do nothing.

Not true.

Not true.

That's,

That's depression.

That's when depression sets in is when we stop moving.

So,

You know,

I understand this benefits to retire,

Retirement.

I understand.

But like the only people who are happy in retirement are people who found something other,

Something to do other than their job.

People that just sit around in retirement are not happy because they're not moving and they die a lot sooner because there's no life force flowing through them.

You know?

So we have to do something,

Anything.

It can be playing games,

You know,

Just things to entertain our mind,

Our body.

We need to use our body that there needs to be movement to increase life force flowing through us.

And so we're participating in life.

So yeah,

I think that's pretty much.

What have you learned from your time in the Dominican Republic that you are going to take with you while you're back in Florida for a while?

Good question.

So the question is what am I going to take back to Florida?

From my time in the Dominican,

I am going to take a lot.

I think the biggest thing is really what's important to me in my life.

You know,

It's funny how this is all going all full circle today.

So what's going on?

And you know,

Personally what I'm going to take,

I learned a lot of things,

But what I'm going to take is that I,

How important community is.

Community is lacking dramatically in the United States and other developed countries.

And it was certainly lacking in my life.

And people here are more community based.

I met more people here in two weeks than I did in two years in Florida.

And it's not because I didn't say hi to people in the United States.

A lot of times you say hi to people and they're like,

Why are you talking to me?

You know,

So it's,

I think,

You know,

Community,

The importance of community in connection with others.

I think that that is something that I'm going to take with me.

And how much I really enjoy,

Like this is all like what I enjoy I'm taking.

How much I enjoy nature?

Lisa mentioned that.

How much I enjoy nature is going to be a big aspect of it.

Like I need to be connected with nature.

Like it feels so good and I really enjoy living a life that's more sustainable for the earth.

So like when I come back here,

That's going to be part of the life that I designed is a life that leaves a smaller footprint and finding ways of giving back to the earth.

So,

You know,

That's something that I'm going to take and boy,

You know,

I really like being in a very simple,

Simple life.

You know,

Like I see myself building a house,

You know,

That house that I've got when I come back is beautiful,

But I'm not going to be there forever.

You know,

I'm planning on building a house like in the mountains by a river and just being very simple,

Living off the land as much as I can,

Giving back to the land and having a very simple,

Peaceful life with other people in my community,

Living around me that I interact with on a daily basis or close to a daily basis.

You know,

So,

You know,

I can,

I start seeing that life and I'm like,

Ooh,

That really feels like it rings true with me.

Whereas before I was always like,

Well,

I'll,

You know,

I'll build a house in Florida and of course,

You know,

You want to have your own house and stuff,

But it never really,

It never really excited me.

It never really,

It always felt like there was something missing.

And,

The connection with nature and the community connected with a simple life in my own house,

That like,

That whole picture starts feeling like,

Ooh,

You know,

I could see myself living like that for many years to come,

You know,

Like,

And of course,

Continuing my business online.

I mean,

That's the beauty of it.

I can continue doing this work and,

You know,

Continue doing this work and live that lifestyle,

You know,

And a lot of people do,

You don't have to go to the DR to do that,

But I do.

So yeah,

Tony,

Yeah,

Tony,

I saw pictures when he bought his house and it looks like he's got his house and a bunch of land around,

Which is,

Which is awesome.

And thanks for sharing Sherry.

I almost,

That was a tongue twister.

Thanks for sharing Sherry.

Well,

I'm excited to,

I'm excited for,

For you to get back to the Dominican Republic as soon as possible.

And,

You know,

And I hope that you would enjoy,

Obviously you're heading home this weekend and I,

And I,

And I hope that you enjoy,

Seeing your son and getting,

Getting faith and your dog faith if you're anybody that's listening.

So,

Although I'm really looking forward to it.

It's funny.

I was,

I was feeling a little bit like,

Like yesterday or the day before I was feeling a little like,

Oh crap.

Like it started for like two or three days.

I started feeling this little like,

Oh crap,

I have to leave.

Oh,

I don't think I want to leave.

And then all of a sudden after a few times it caught my attention and I went,

Whoa,

Wait a minute,

Dude,

What are you doing?

And I was like,

You're,

You know,

One,

You can come back to,

You're going to see your son and your dog and family and friends and stuff.

And it's like,

Oh yeah.

Like what,

What am I doing?

You know,

I'm very excited to go back because I really wanted to see everybody.

And you know,

I'm really looking forward to that,

But yeah,

I think the,

I think we know where my future is looking like it's going to be.

So,

Yeah.

Well,

If you guys had a question that you didn't get to ask today or you didn't feel comfortable,

Please send it into Glen at Glen Ambrose.

Com.

If you want to get ahold of Glen,

There are obviously many,

Many ways to do that.

You can send them a message right here where you're listening or watching to this.

Also check out all of the other episodes of this show and life lessons and laughter,

Which you can find on insight timer or wherever you're listening to this or watching it.

And that's,

That's it for me,

Glen,

Thank you so much.

I,

I hope that you have a safe trip this weekend.

And I certainly will.

And best wishes for your father's service this Saturday.

Thank you so much.

I'm not going to see you when you're home because we live in very different states,

But it's still,

You know,

It's still nice to have you back for a few.

All right.

Well,

Thank you.

And thank you and Sarah,

Sarah's perfection.

Yeah.

She,

I think she likes the painting that I made for life.

So yes,

Thank you everybody for listening and we're going to talk to you soon and we're going to talk to you from the United States next time.

So thanks for listening and we will chat with you soon.

If you enjoyed this episode,

You can find all of Glen's podcasts right here on insight timer.

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