Topics Include: Dealing With Negative People, How To Be Truly Helpful, Standing In Your Truth, Don't Be A Hypocrite & More (Live Q & A From 1/7/21)

Mhm mm.

Hello everybody.

So here I am sliding in sideways to come live to you.

So hopefully I am.

Can you throw some comments up there and let me know if you guys can see me because I have no idea because I still don't know what I'm doing.

And I think I forgot to upload a thumbnail or something.

But yeah,

I just got back from eating so I came flying in and just sat down and I was looking at the time and I'm like,

Holy crap,

I'm late.

So here I am and I'm ready to get started and I need you guys to send some comments,

Send some comments my way so I know what the heck you guys want me to talk about.

Let's see,

I'm just going to look at some notes.

So okay,

Here we go.

Actually,

I was going to look for this earlier.

So I am going to start with this.

How to stay away from negativity.

First I'm going to relax my dog.

Faith.

So here we go.

So how to stay away from negativity.

And this one says specifically when you're living with them.

So how to stay away from negativity when you're living with the person.

That's a good one.

It's obviously more difficult.

And it also depends on what dynamic you have with that person.

So can you guys hear that dog barking in the background?

If you guys can't hear it,

Then that's good because it's really distracting.

So yeah,

It depends on the dynamic of the person that you're living with.

I mean,

How to stay away from negativity when you're living with somebody.

It's,

You know,

Mostly it's about the boundaries and you focusing on yourself.

Because if you can't control the other person and in that situation you can't really get rid of some,

The other person because they live with you,

They're around.

So a lot of it is setting boundaries,

Making sure you have your personal space,

Minimizing the time you spend interacting with them is going to be helpful.

And you don't have to do it in a,

You know,

A rude way or drawing a line in the sand way with them.

It's just,

It's more about self-love and you know,

Everything is.

So turning within and making sure your energy is set and you know,

You're functioning from self-love instead of worrying about this other person.

Hey Tracy.

Okay,

Cool.

I guess I may listen.

Hey,

Well,

Somebody commenting.

I know people are listening.

So Tracy,

Can you hear that dog barking in the background?

Is that distracting to this thing?

I can get myself to ignore it if you guys can't hear it.

Hey Sarah,

My traveler.

Cool.

Thanks for joining me guys.

And guys,

Throw the comments in there.

Give me stuff to talk about.

Okay.

I appreciate that.

So yeah,

When to stay away from,

Hey old friend,

Dog's fine.

Thank you,

Tammy.

I appreciate it.

And Rafaela.

Hola.

This,

This is my neighbor.

You can hear it,

But not distracting.

Okay,

Cool.

All right.

As long as I can continue on,

I'll just kind of train my brain to block it out.

Or Rafaela,

You can go get them.

She's my neighbor.

So yeah,

So like what I was talking about was,

Was staying away from the negativity.

So it's about,

You know,

Centering yourself and making it about you and self-love and what you need for your peaceful thing.

You can't make it about them being negative.

As soon as you make it about them being negative,

Then your energy is going to be one of frustration.

The way you say things is probably going to be in an attacking way because that's what frustration does.

It attacks back and it doesn't matter if you're right.

It matters what your energy is.

So what you got to do is just focus on yourself,

Focus on self-love and you know,

Set,

Set healthy boundaries and just,

You know,

Walk away from conversations.

Just don't engage.

Hey Laura.

So,

You know,

There was a time when I was in some situations with some negative people and I couldn't,

They were just caught up into the negativity and I couldn't get away.

So what I did is I just walked out of the room,

You know,

Like everybody was in the kitchen and the conversation was very negative.

So I just walked into the living room and sat down like all alone and just started relaxing because that's what I wanted to do.

You know,

I just wanted to be outside of that,

That energy,

That conversation.

And then a little while later they actually came in the living room and sat down and fortunately it was summertime and I just,

I went outside with my son and I was like,

Hey,

You want to go kick the soccer ball around?

Yeah,

Okay.

So we went outside and kicked the soccer ball around.

You know,

Like I wasn't,

You can't point the finger at somebody else and tell them how they can live and how they can't live.

And it doesn't really matter if you're right or wrong.

You just don't have the right to tell other people how to live.

But what you do have the right to control is your space.

You have the right to control what conversations you get into,

What conversations you don't get into.

You get the control when you walk away from a situation and when you don't.

You know,

There's lots of things that are in our control that we don't take advantage of because we're too busy worrying about what they're doing.

You know,

Try not to worry about what they're doing.

They have the right to live negatively if they so choose.

You have the right to live positively.

So live positively.

So it's all about self-care,

You know,

Setting boundaries.

If you live with somebody and they won't and you go into your room and they follow you,

Well,

That's a boundary issue.

You know,

Like you got to set boundaries.

Hey,

This is my space.

You know,

You need to be invited in.

Whatever you got to do.

You know,

You have to set boundaries in certain situations too.

But I think that that's kind of the primary overview without,

You know,

Since I don't know all the specifics on that question,

I just kind of want to give a basic overview of the energies and the type of energy and the type of mentality that you wanted to come from to deal with those particular situations.

So yeah,

What else you guys got?

Thanks for the input on the doggies.

And now,

Yeah,

And you can tell Faith can hear it too,

Because she's out at the door like whining because she wants to go play.

Faith,

Relax.

So what do you guys got?

What do you guys got?

Throw some questions at me,

Man.

This one was a pod.

I mean,

A Q&A that I did before.

So I can't do that.

Yeah,

I need some questions from you guys.

Let's see.

So while I'm waiting for questions and the comments,

I will talk about a topic that's been coming up lately.

Oh,

Okay.

Well,

Wait a minute now.

Now we've got Amanda.

How is it living in the Dominican?

Oh,

I thought there was two people that put that.

I guess it was Amanda.

Hey,

Amanda.

It's awesome.

Hi to you and the rest of the family.

Yeah,

I'm loving it.

I'm still getting used to it,

But I am loving it.

I touched on this a lot in the last podcast or the last Q&A.

I love the people,

The energy,

The attitude,

The happiness,

The joy,

The slower pace,

The calmer stuff,

The ability to walk a lot of places like my neighbor and I,

We just walked down to dinner,

Beautiful place right on the beach and walked home.

So we're just in a great community,

Especially my little community here with great people and the weather is phenomenal and Faith gets to run around the beach like a nut and meet other dogs.

It's great.

The food is wonderful,

Right?

Rafaela.

And Sue.

Hi,

I'm getting a lot of listeners from Rhode Island.

Laura,

Sue,

Amanda.

Great podcast with Patrick.

Yes,

This is Sue's nephew,

Patrick that I just did a podcast with and it's called Illuminate with the Lumen and the number eight,

Which was pretty cool.

So I just did a big podcast with him like a couple days ago and he's already got it up so you guys can listen.

So you guys can find that I believe on my Facebook page,

My business Facebook page.

I think there's a link on my Instagram too and I'm going to be sharing it again because the one I shared,

He may have just had a link but so I think it's on my Facebook page but it's brand new.

Check it out.

It really went well.

Patrick is very spiritual in his own right so it was cool as he guided the questions and stuff.

So yeah,

Definitely check that out.

And we have Tina.

Hi Tina.

How can I be supportive to someone who is an alcoholic but hasn't decided to seek treatment yet?

That's a good one.

That's a very good one.

You know the biggest problem,

You know I came in to spirituality through the doorway of addiction specifically to alcohol.

So I was an alcoholic for 20 years and I've worked with a lot of them exclusively for seven or eight years after I got sober.

So I've been around it a lot and worked with it a lot and I've experienced it from both sides.

You know being it and understanding how the thought process works,

Going through sobriety so understanding what it takes for that to occur and also helping people since then not only try to get sober themselves but I mean you know I've had several clients with family members and loved ones.

You know it's a very common issue.

So you know to be supportive,

You know it's tricky.

It's kind of tricky wording because most people think of supportive as helping or supporting people in what they're doing or something you know and like the biggest thing with someone who is an alcoholic that hasn't decided to seek treatment yet is you've got to let them crash.

Like so they don't they really shouldn't be getting too much support because they're basically killing themselves.

So if you had somebody come up to you and say hey I'm gonna kill myself,

Can you help me go buy a gun?

I don't think you'd do it.

You know you wouldn't support them in what they're doing.

So you know so and I understand that the the the phrasing that particular word may not be what you meant so I'm going to come at it from a different angle but just to be clear,

You know somebody that is an alcoholic that is you know we never know if somebody's an alcoholic but if it's pretty clear like their health is declining,

They're destroying their life in different ways,

Relationships,

You know I mean when their life is really getting consistently worse because of alcohol,

The last thing you want to do is really support them in any way because the only thing that really gets people sober is consequences.

The longer somebody can drink without experiencing the consequences of their actions,

The longer somebody can rationalize their life getting worse without having to take responsibility and do something to change it,

The longer they will because that's kind of that's like alcoholic 101 and the first thing you learn is how to rationalize your drinking because you drink and you like it and you want to continue doing it and you know things start happening and you need to learn how to rationalize those things away so you can continue doing what is making you feel better.

So they're very manipulative.

I know I know of what I speak because I was very manipulative.

If you know that so if you're supporting them in any way telling them it's going to be okay,

Yeah it's not fair,

You know life isn't fair,

You know poor thing,

Hey buck up camper,

Any of that is not helping.

Enabling is obviously not helping and people are starting to become aware of that.

Enabling does not help but people don't always know what enabling is because they go oh well I shouldn't give them money.

Yeah that's one thing but you shouldn't you know like if they're living in your house and they are not working and they're not paying their bills or they're destroying their life or they're throwing things into walls or doing some dysfunctional stuff that alcoholics are doing then you probably should get them out of your house because as long as they have a place to stay they don't need to change.

So you have to let them destroy their lives and feel the consequences of their actions.

You have to let,

Usually we try,

Most people believe it or not are very kind loving people and part of the spiritual awakening we're in is people understand that we should be kind and loving like everybody wants to be kind and loving now and so they want to but we don't really know how to do that in a healthy way so a lot of times with alcoholics people are running around throwing pillows on the floor to make sure they don't get hurt if they fall and it's that impact that is the very thing that's going to wake them up.

It's them feeling the consequence of their actions that is going to wake them up.

So really you can't support negative behavior if they are behaving negatively in any way shape or form you have to not allow them to take it out on you.

Another thing too I guess like if somebody I knew somebody a while ago that was in a situation that came to me if you have an alcoholic that's sitting there coming to you whining and complaining about being an alcoholic but they're not ready to go to treatment yeah don't listen to them piss and moan because all that does is they feel bad for themselves they purge and they get it all off their system and they feel a little bit better because they got things out of their system.

Hey Josh so they feel a little bit better because they they purge they threw up all over you so they feel a little bit better and then they go out and they just live the same way and then they come back and they throw up and they feel a little bit better you know verbally throw up emotionally throw up all over you and then they go back out and create more crap and then they do it again and it's just a never-ending cycle so like you don't want to be supportive in that way either I mean you got to look at them and be like listen I don't want to hear it you know you either go get some help or you know stop coming to me to to complain about your problems because you're not willing to do anything to change them and you can believe it or not you can do that in a lot of situations I can't I mean my friends know this if you're around me consistently I mean I can as a friend I can sit there and listen when somebody needs to have an ear and I can do that a little bit it's part of being a friend but if it's consistent it's not going to last too long because I just can't be around that for too long so we're either going to have to get to the solution pretty quick or we're going to have to change the subject but I can't you know so hopefully that helps Tina if there's anything you know specific or that I didn't address you can you know feel free to comment below again and there's my buddy Josh oh say happy birthday to Justin his wife's birthday today I believe I think I saw that earlier so happy birthday to her and see I told you there's a lot of people from Rhode Island today and let's see Tracy any advice on trying to stay positive with patients family members who personally attack you over things out of your control hey there's Rose um yeah yeah you know you know this is something that um this is a big deal because I believe Tracy works in well you know you can tell by the way she phrased her question she works in health care like nursing and any advice on trying to stay positive with a patient's family members who personally attack you over things out of your control so you know this is the dynamic of a of a nurse and I'll tell you nurses and teachers I find are I mean obviously you know we've been running around for many years saying that they're underpaid they need um you know we need to understand what they do they're out there helping others and all that stuff and and all that is true um the problem is is that it that puts the responsibility of all our teachers and our nurses if we if they are ever going to be happy then everybody in the world has to suddenly wake up be kind stop living life from their perspectives and start living it from the nurses or the teachers perspective that is the model that we're hoping for and it ain't gonna happen it's never going to happen if you are a teacher and a nurse and you were basing your happiness on how other people treat you and if they're reasonable or not you're not ever going to find peace and that's not just nurses and teachers that's everybody on the planet um it's just since nurses and teachers are in such specific and situations like this all the time they get it all the time you know so it makes it even more obvious in their life so what it is is it's my favorite thing about spirituality it's empowerment man I mean this is like I don't teach this stuff because it looks good you know in a freaking meme it's like this is how you take control over your life and find peace it's empowerment this is what spirituality gives you so you know one of the the first thing that popped into my head is the four agreements you know if anybody has not read the four agreements go read the four agreements it's a small book it's a very easy read and it's deeply profound and it's about not taking things personally you know and that includes when somebody points the finger at you and says it's your fault nothing spiritual like usually I say this about boundaries but it applies in a lot of different ways in spirituality and healthy living you cannot if you cannot put your happiness in other people's hands you cannot set a boundary and then have the boundary only work if the other person agrees to it like that's not a boundary a boundary is an impenetrable impasse like you can't get through it that's the whole point of a boundary if you set a boundary and you can't stand in it and and the other person gets to control whether that boundary stays in place or not then it's not a boundary you know so we need to be more specific with our boundaries so like any staying positive with a patient's family member like you you have to understand where they're coming from and not take it personally you know because in that situation there's not a hell of a lot of boundaries you can set up the only thing you can do is if they start swearing at you or screaming and jumping up and down I don't give a crap what your job is I don't give a crap who you are I don't give a crap what your boss says you do not have to take it you do not have to be verbally mentally and emotionally abused by somebody and any boss that tells you that's a requirement for your job you should be looking for another job you don't have to quit yours you can go look for another one you know but find another one fast because that's not a requirement on this earth we give other people way too much power so if somebody is verbally and mentally abusing you just get yourself out of the situation I'm sorry I can't have you talk to me like that and just walk away and if they chase you this is one of the beauties of being a nurse you're usually in a hospital is security hey can you call security you know that this is they're obviously upset you know get yourself out of the situation but I mean this is such a you know it's such a good example in so many ways because like there so we just said like there's times when you have to set boundaries so cool you set a boundary if that's the time the other times when people are just personally saying it's your fault you didn't do this you didn't do that we have to stand in our own truth just because somebody says something doesn't mean it's true you know I mean it well like people have called me an asshole many a times and you know what back when I was one a part of me believed it but now somebody calls me an asshole I'm like no you know that's their opinion I don't agree with it so it doesn't really affect me and then if they're going to continue calling me an asshole I'm gonna get myself out of the situation because then it's boundary time but if somebody just wants to call me an asshole or attack me for something it's like okay you know you have the right to your opinion they have this is one of the most freeing things we can do give other people the right to dislike you it is so freeing it's so freeing when you're just like you know what everybody has the right to their opinion who am I this is how I really got it to click within me like and shift the inside of me so I could actually really live it is I looked at it and and at the time by I guess there's enough space between me and my ex-wife now I can it was a time with me and my ex-wife many years ago and and she hated me and I'm pretty sure she still does and she had her reasons that she created in her head and I didn't agree with those reasons but on a subconscious level I was always trying to do the right thing because I was an alcoholic before so I was trying to do the right thing for so many years that I figured eventually I would prove myself and it was the subconscious thing and one day I realized like why are you trying to prove yourself to her like and I really slowed down and looked at it and what I saw when I really looked at it was that like I actually cared what she thought about me and that was that was the real problem so I reversed it I always like to reverse stuff and put myself in the opposite seat because that gives me more clarity so I was like okay what if like like you know let's get extreme here like she's trying to tell me what who I am how I should live my life and you know who I am as a person I don't think she should be able to do that this is why I'm upset because she's trying to you know to to blow it out of proportion a little bit she would like to come sit me down and say Glenn you need to do this this this and this you're an asshole because of this this this this and this you're a bad person and you need to do this and you need to basically live life the way I tell you to live life or else you're an asshole that so I kind of blew it out of proportion to make it look like that so I could see it clearly and I was like okay so does she have the right to do that I was like no she doesn't have the right to do that I was like okay let's reverse seats do I have the right I think I live from love peace and spiritual principles do I have the right to go into her house sit her down and start telling her how to live and a part of me wanted to go well yeah because I live from good principles and she lives from bad principles in my head and I was like no no no that's not it's not about who's right who's wrong it's about freedom it's about individuality no person has the right to go in and tell you who you are and how you get to live your life and we all have different perspectives so like you know so no like I I can't go into her living room and tell her how to live for one reason and that is I would be a hypocrite if I did because I don't want her coming into my living room and telling me how to live and it it has to go both ways if I get to tell her how to live then she has to be able to tell me how to live it's only fair otherwise I'm a hypocrite and I don't want to be a hypocrite so once I saw that I was like wow I really don't have the right to tell anybody how to live or how to think and I'm a life coach it's kind of my job and I still don't have the right so that was when I really gained clarity and I was like I need to give her the right to hate me because I knew she did it's like I and I just sat there and I sat with it and I was like I give you the right to hate me to think that I am the worst human being on the planet I give you that right you have the right to feel that I am Satan incarnate and I just said it over and over like that until I felt comfortable with it and I fully gave her the right to hate me and when I stopped I was like oh my god that felt good it was so relaxing it was so freeing I loved it I loved the feeling of it so this is what we have to do on you know in this situation on a smaller level give people the right to disagree with what your job is how you did your job and any other thing that they can they have these people have the right to think you are the worst nurse on the entire planet even if there is zero truth to it they have that right so give it to them and see how free you become that's the big answer right there it's amazing how free you're going to feel when you give the people the right to dislike you because it doesn't hold any consequence then it's like okay well yeah well you're one of those people that doesn't like me join the club you know there's plenty of them I think of that whenever people like negatively comment on my podcast it's like you know I you should do this I didn't like that I didn't like that it's like okay then don't listen like you know I'm obviously not the teacher for you it's okay I'm not supposed to be the teacher for everybody there's almost eight billion people on the planet and I can't handle the workload so so not I'm not everybody is supposed to like the way that I talk you know so let's go over to the comments let's see Sarah Sarah happy birthday Justin's Justin's wife no it's Josh's wife Justin but I appreciate the sentiment Josh we love you bud thank you I love you too and I'm really happy with you for your business I'm so happy that took off thank you Glenn very helpful cool so I guess I answered Tina's question with the alcoholic situation Josh how do you deal with a negative employee that brings down the crew puts themselves ahead of company and job it's so hard to find help but it's so draining thing yeah yeah I hear you you know so I'm gonna kind of go I'm gonna I'm gonna go kind of with a general answer on this first because that's what popped up and then I don't you know maybe I'll come back to it with a little bit more specific so the general thing is like I think there's a big problem in our generation of not holding people accountable there's really no consequences like I think a couple generations ago we figured out that beating the shit out of our kids with belts is probably not a good idea and they're growing up with all these mental emotional freaking from getting their ass kicked all the time but walking around in fear and you know so like you got to remember like many for thousands of years I was actually kind of okay I mean I'm not saying it was okay I'm saying it was okay with the way people are but we are in there are so many signs that we are in the middle of a spiritual shift and this is one of them people are getting more sensitive what flew a hundred years ago or 50 years ago isn't flying now like we're more sensitive beings so we've gotten to the place where we try not to mentally emotionally and physically abuse our children this is fairly new generations ago you kind of could get away with some of that and they had thicker skin and it was socially acceptable people didn't really take it personally and and we weren't in the middle of a spiritual awakening so they weren't as sensitive and you know whatever but we're going into a spiritual awakening so what happened is we needed to become more sensitive and do things differently it's part of the change so we stopped beating our children we stopped mentally and emotionally abusing them for the most part but what we we didn't replace it with anything and I think that that is one of the biggest dropped balls of our generation we didn't really replace accountability and consequences with anything or just like well I can't beat them I can't yell at them I can't lock them in a closet so I'll be their friend or something you know like so we didn't have anything really structured to replace that with so there's a generation that's grown up without a lot of consequences and it's kind of spilled over into society in a lot of ways so I think one of the things we need to do is there needs to be accountability and consequences in all scenarios like so I'm going to take this question like I said I'm answering it kind of broad because this is a specific question and but I really want to touch I'm really getting pushed to touch on this this lesson so anyway so I'm going to broaden it out a little bit and go you know like I saw somebody one time they were complaining how you know millennials and it's hard to find good help and that type of mentality right and they were saying like this person took like like three weeks off of work in the first six months and they're they're like you know this is ridiculous I can't I can't believe they took three weeks off in the first six months and I was like yeah but you're the boss like the boss was complaining that their employee took three weeks off in six months in the first six months of a job and they're kind of saying like boy this generation is irresponsible like they're not irresponsible they're getting away with what they can get away with I mean when I was 18,

19,

21,

23 years old you want to know the one reason that I didn't take three weeks off in the first six months of a job one reason is because I wouldn't have had a job that's why and I knew it I would have gotten fired and I needed the income so I didn't do it because I needed the job you know so it's it's just consequence like and we are the bosses you know I'm 52 years old like we are the bosses so the mentality and again I'm generalizing here because I understand uh Josh you know a specific employee can be a little bit difficult but let's get the big picture first if somebody in like I did this with Mateo my son growing up like when he was misbehaving and and just acting in certain ways perhaps disrespectful or not doing what he was supposed to or I told him the same thing over and over and over and over again and he didn't do it whatever when those types of things were happening and my frustration was getting really high and high and high I never found an answer until I hit the brakes when when I would when I get really frustrated then I'd usually hit the brakes and I'd go what am I going to do with this kid he's driving me crazy and and then I would remember the dynamic I am the father I'm the parent if my household is in disarray and dysfunction that's my fault because I'm supposed to be in control I'm the guardian I'm the I'm the adult I'm the one that has lived life I'm supposed to be in control I'm supposed to be managing things he's not so if the house is in disarray it's my fault for either doing something wrong or allowing him to take over regardless whatever it is it ain't his fault you can't let the chickens run the roost you know if you're in control you have to be in control and if there's something that's going wrong you need to be in control of it so you know in your house with your children as well as in a job so I'll try to bring it I'll bring I'll try to bring those general concepts back down into this more specific scenario so and you've got a negative employee that brings down the crew put themselves ahead of the company and job it's hard to find help yeah it's hard to find help but I mean honestly a lot of times I think we I think we hang on to people too long I just don't think we give them consequences so this is this is what I do in these situations and I do this with situations with with working with bosses and I do this also with situations with parents working with kids and and funny enough I do this with situations with people working with alcoholics so the main theme with all of these is the person hasn't learned that their action has a consequence to it and usually that's because we talk to people hey please don't do this hey don't do that hey please don't do this and then there's no consequence so the reason they don't listen to us is because we're teaching them to ignore our words by our actions we say hey don't do that and then they go do it anyway and then there's no consequence so what does a person learn from that they learn don't listen to what the boss says because if you ignore what the boss says you get to do whatever you want anyway and then you get what you want and that's you know you you want to live however you want to live without really thinking about it so all you got to do is ignore the boss and you get whatever you want so we train them that so we have to take responsibility for us being the problem and not them you know first and oftentimes I'll approach it that way I'll be like hey listen so you know how like you've kind of been you know messing up on these jobs and the company and just you're just negative all the time and it's just really bringing down everything and you know how I talked to you about that and then you know you just kept doing it and there was no consequence yeah that was my bad see if you want somebody to open up and hear you don't attack them don't blame them blame yourself you're the one and I'm the one in charge I should have done a better job at being accountable because the first thing that it does is it captures their attention because they're not used to hearing that they're like what's this approach you know like this is weird the boss just said it was his fault like that's now all of a sudden not only is a very interesting approach that they're not used to but they're not getting blamed so their defenses aren't going up as soon as somebody's defenses go up they don't hear you anything that you say after they're just trying to figure out how to get around whatever you're telling them so when you're going you really shouldn't be negative they're going I'm really not that negative you go you're bringing down the whole crew and they're like man they should take responsibility for themselves I'm not bringing down the whole crew the whole time you're talking to them they're just counteracting whatever you're saying in their own brain so you got to lower their defenses so they can actually hear what you're saying and then and taking responsibility on yourself makes them know that this is a dynamic that they're not real comfortable with they don't know how this is going to play out so they better pay attention so then you tell them what the consequences are you have it planned ahead of time very specific listen you know if I if I hear you or catch you doing this again this is what's going to happen this is what's going to happen this one's going and the first one or two don't have to be real extreme it's just to teach them that their actions have consequences and you actually mean it that's what we need to teach people that's why consistency is so important you let them do something you say okay you do something next time I'm going to officially write you up and have you sign it see it's not that big of a deal nobody really gets hurt but it's an action that's specific and then they and then you're like well they talked to me four times before there was never a paper now there's a paper that's weird this is different and they sign the paper and they're like maybe it's nothing and then they don't really change because they used to not listening to you and then they do it again and then consequence number two comes in and it's a little bit more severe but again we're trying to teach them consequence action consequence action we're not trying to punish them for being an asshole so do you know maybe three or four consequences with the last one being firing them and if you have to fire them I mean really having a happier crew because this negative person is gone is probably going to be worth it you know and if you run a happy crew think of the turnover if you have a good crew and you're good to work for people are going to want to work for you and when somebody does land there and it's more enjoyable atmosphere to work for you than it is to work for the other plumbers they're going to want to stay there you know so I think creating the atmosphere you want is more important than retraining somebody although I know it's a pain in the ass but if you start doing this from day one with everyone from this point forward and like you can get rid of people then I mean if you know they're just get rid of them you know like because that's you know one one a lot of people say when I talk about this they're like yeah but these people will they'll allow you to fire them because they're like oh whatever all right I'll go get another job cool go get another job go let them work for somebody that can put up with that crap and feels like being drained they don't have to work for you there are good people out there you know there are good good plumbers out there there are good workers out there there are there are people out there that feel a sense of self-esteem when when they do something you know my son's plumbing in Florida right now and and his self-esteem's never been higher because he's you know he's he's working hard and it makes him feel good about himself so you gotta find those people you know so hopefully that hopefully that helped let me see I'm gonna um thank you so much for all these questions I love it um I'm gonna try to I'm gonna see I'm gonna scroll through and see if I can touch on a couple more so I can wrap it up um hey Rhonda thanks for joining you're welcome Tracy Josh Sarah's giving a thumbs up um Janice I still have a hard time with boundaries I'm working on it it's constant practice I can let others take me for granted and then I'm mad at them when I'm really mad at myself for allowing it yeah work in progress thank you yeah that's it you know it is work in progress and I know that I have specific um podcasts on boundaries so you can go to my page my my website glennambros.

Com and go to life lessons and laughter page and it drops the menu drops down like of all the different platforms it's on I don't know about all of them um like iTunes and all that stuff but I know Libsyn is the company that actually hosts it if you click on that one there's a little search bar in the top and you can put type in like boundary or boundaries and it should take you right to um that podcast so you can listen to it so but boundaries are they are important we are big-hearted loving people man this is what we are and we are opening up to it more and more and more we are in the middle of a spiritual shift all the controversy you see going on that's just all this dysfunction has been going on behind the scenes for hundreds of years we it just didn't affect us and it wasn't shoved in our face so much so we just kind of turned our heads it's been there this is nothing new politicians have been making trillions of dollars off of us and screwing over everybody and it's been as dysfunctional and backward ass and all this stuff it's been a nightmare behind the scenes and we have been being taken advantage of in ways that we have no idea for hundreds of years this country was founded on it so like it's in our face and this is collectively what we are in the middle of is an alcoholic hit and bottom we change when the suffering gets enough so when I'm seeing all this dysfunction it's like good good it's all in our face I mean I'm not happy I'm not happy that it's happening I wouldn't wish for it to happen just like I wouldn't wish suffering on an individual but the fact is is I have to disguise this this is actually funny when I first woke up spiritually and I started working with people when people started telling me about how horrible their life was I started getting excited and I didn't hide it well because I don't hide much well so I was like oh really your wife left you and she took the kids oh my god and your how house is being foreclosed on this is wonderful you know I wasn't quite that bad but I was kind of like that people looking at me like what is wrong with you like I like I'm this is horrible you know and I I'd be like oh I'm sorry I'd catch myself I'd be like oh I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm just like like as you tell me this stuff I'm just seeing how close you are to awakening and transcending all this and I'm getting more and more excited because the more and more suffering that you're in the midst of and the more overwhelming it is the more you're going to be pushed into a different way of being and that's where all the peace and the love and the joy is and I'm so excited for you and they're like you're freaking weird man you know oh which was it was pretty funny though um let's see Rhonda what's your thoughts about employees whose kids the boss's butts kiss I guess kiss the boss's butts to get praise and I don't so she treats me like crap my current situation um you know I'll try to I'll try to touch on it quick oh before I do I gotta say I'm gonna go back to this in a minute Laura you got excited today I was blubbering in life enhancement center yeah back in my own my old business center Laura was telling me everything that was wrong in her life and I was like I can help um so yeah kissing the boss's butt to get praise I mean most of the situation quite honestly don't even worry about it like don't just do your thing um it's not an issue about that let them kiss her butt or his butt it doesn't really matter um if a if a boss treats you like crap well then that's a boundary issue you know I would like usually with the with the situations what I try to do is I try to approach it you can approach friends family bosses co-workers just by anybody in this way because what you're doing is you're connecting to the truth underneath them and the truth underneath them that's where we are all alike we are all love underneath we all want peace we all want to be happy we all don't want a pain in the ass in our life we want life to be easy so connect there and then bring it up so so like if if your boss is actually treating you like crap you don't have to put up with it you know you just be like I would open it up like hey can I talk to you sometime and when you go in you just be like listen you know um I I would really love to have a good working relationship with you that's my goal um because I know you know it's going to make your life easier it's going to make my life easier so and I'm sure you you know everybody wants their life to be easier so you know so so you know you know how can how can we get along better you know something like that and just be like because if she's treating you like crap I mean I wouldn't allow anybody to treat me like crap so I would address it and then you know in that way to try to get along with them if that doesn't work you can go to HR I mean that's what they're there for I know the systems are screwed a lot of times but what happens is people get so scared they take so much shit like this is my story about this this topic when when I worked in jobs outside of life coaching I had three main jobs um after I got sober after I woke up and before I started life coaching before I started my business all three of those jobs I was I was told that there was a mandatory meeting at the time that I was going to be visiting with my son I had very structured visiting times with my son it was either four or five days a week depending on the week and I look forward to those and those were my number one priority in my life at that time and my all three jobs came and at one point or another and said you have a mandatory meeting and it was at the time that I was supposed to be visiting with my son and I said oh I can't go and you know mostly the response was something like I don't know you don't understand it's mandatory and I said well I understand it's it you know I guess it's mandatory for the business or you know something along it's not mandatory for me um mandatory for me is that I spend time with my son and I'm going to be with my son and the first conversation was the best because my boss was looking at me like is he kidding like he's like no like you can be fired if you don't go to this meeting it's mandatory I said well yeah I understand that I mean I assume that's what mandatory means you know you're saying I have to do this that's that's what mandatory means um so I kind of assumed that I could be fired um so yeah that's okay and and I was working in Foxborough and living in Coventry Rhode Island so I um or not actually I might have been living in Pawtucket which was even closer I think that's what it was and I was about to leave for the day when this was happening and I said oh I says well wait a minute am I definitely fired or do you guys have to discuss it to find out if I'm fired because and he's looking at me like is this conversation actually taking place you know you can believe it and I was like because but I was very matter of fact I wasn't defensive I was fine I was just like I was going to visit my son and nobody was going to tell me I wasn't going to that's my main priority and whatever consequence I need to pay for that I'm fine with you know I'm an intelligent guy I'll go get another job whatever um I was very spiritually open at this time too which was helpful so he was like well no I guess you're not definitely fired I mean we would have to have a conversation I said oh okay I said because like I have my stuff here and if I was definitely fired I'd just take my stuff with me but if you guys have to discuss it first I'll just leave it here and it's only a 15-minute drive so I'll just come back and pick it up if I have to and he's just like he's looking at me like is this actually happening because people aren't used to that bosses don't have control over your life they can't tell you to go screw they can't verbally abuse you they can't like we the only reason that that like bosses get away with some of the stuff that bosses get away with in an abusive way is because we as workers allow it if we as workers were just like don't treat me like that I'm out of here and we left they wouldn't have anybody doing their job then they'd have to do it they'd probably change their personality a little bit you know so like I just and I didn't get all three of those jobs I didn't get fired from any one of them not one but I just you know and it wasn't about courage I was just like I'm not willing to not see my son that's my priority and that's what I'm going to do so that's what I did and all three of those jobs when I left those jobs every one of them made comments about how they respected me as a father every one of them you know but like so so being treated like crap is not mandatory we need to start taking our power back there are things you can do you know and if you need to start looking for another job start looking for another job but I think and and there's more out there than you realize people have this scarcity mindset and this fear mindset everybody I know literally and I bet you everybody on this call are intelligent capable people that can go out and earn a living someplace other than where they are right now I guarantee it especially in this time of change you can start your own business doing just about anything on lines it's not easy but you can so start looking for other jobs if you need to but try these things first try standing up for yourself you know in a lot of situations and here's my last caveat I'm going to finish off I'm going to finish on this when I'm working with somebody like I get to be specific with them here I don't get to do that so I'm I never tell people just go quit your job I don't do it because generally like I did I actually did do that once I wouldn't quit a job without a good plan and I suffered because of it it's difficult it can be difficult so I recommend empowering yourself to walk through the process intelligently like and I guarantee you if you like know if you've been at a job for 30 years 40 years 20 years 10 years 5 years doesn't matter like if if it's an unhealthy environment for you and you start taking steps looking for other jobs maybe applying other places maybe working with a life coach to figure out how to go get ask for respect in a way that's actually going to work without getting you fired because a lot of people either run in there all frustrated after 10 years of being treated like crap and and you know that doesn't go well or they they do it a different way that has no chance of working and then they go oh I tried they're like oh no I've talked to him before yeah but you didn't talk to him with any empowerment you didn't have you didn't talk to him in the right way you didn't talk to him where you lowered his defenses first and you opened his mind you didn't connect to him as a human being there are ways that work like 75 percent of the time and everybody that I said that to that's in that specific situation always goes yeah but not in my situation you don't understand everybody says that yeah but not with this person you don't understand yeah but this one's really bad you don't understand and then I go yeah well humor me do it anyway and nine times out of ten it works and their mind is like what it's amazing we're all human man it's amazing when you do things right we've been taught how to do things wrong so if you do things right and you connect with people in the right way there's a lot of situations that are manageable and if they're not well then you tried and you found out that this is one of the few situations where this is just a complete jackass and there's nothing you can do about it so you better start looking for another job but at least you'll know you know and breathe so that's it that is I am going to wrap it up thank you guys so much for the comments all the kind words feeding this podcast uh oh this q a as you can see guys you know I need your help um I need your help to feed this thing so um I appreciate all the food that you guys gave me to go off on um so next week do it I'm gonna see if I can end this thing right because I ended it wrong uh last week so it didn't have like a closing thing or something so I'm gonna wrap it up thanks everybody for watching and participating I truly appreciate it and I'm going to see if I can end this now so let's see I click all right I think it's just this see you guys