You Must Love Yourself First & Other BS Ideas About Love

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The Flow is a profound mix of wisdom and humor as student Lisa Berry asks spiritual teacher G.

P.

Walsh questions you would ask an elder,

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Hello,

Everybody.

Oh,

Tuning into The Flow from Ohm School Live today.

Hello,

Everyone.

We've got G.

P.

Walsh here sipping his,

What fancy drink are you having this morning?

This is yerba mate.

Oh,

All right.

Yerba mate.

To get an energy kick from that?

Yes.

A little zap.

Yeah.

It's actually a nice,

They even recommend it for like the keto diet and stuff like that.

It helps with appetite and a bunch of different things.

Yeah.

But it does have caffeine in it.

Yeah.

You get so rubbed up that you're like,

Eating food?

No,

We don't have time for that.

We got to go.

We got to go places to go people to see climbing that crazy rainbow right to the top.

Oh,

This is climb a stairway to the stars.

That's one of my favorite songs by Ella.

Well,

Yeah,

Let's do it.

But yes.

All right.

So anyways,

There's our little chitchat and welcoming to everybody.

I will,

I'm going to just put it out there.

Yes,

Lucy and drinks are inside and we will be hearing Lucy.

She is displeased with me.

So she'll be our background sharing mode,

Sharing crowd,

Peanut crowd,

Peanut gallery.

So those of you who have requested more cat,

You'll get more cat today.

Yes.

All right.

And this is a busy week for GP and everybody who would love to join us because we want everybody to join us.

And I'm just going to run to that quickly.

So today you're here with us.

Thank you so much.

It's a fun one.

I feel like it's a controversial one and I'll share with you why.

But then tomorrow the private set song for all patron members is going to be at 1 p.

M.

Noon Eastern.

And we love that.

So if you're not a patron and you're wondering,

What is this whole patron about and why do they have a private set song?

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And then on Thursday,

So you're busy GP,

We booked you again at 1 p.

M.

Eastern,

But with Evan Gregor,

Who is the senior facilitator teacher,

They both,

You both are going to be doing the demonstration about inner reconciliation and why it's so effective and how easy it is so people can actually experience it and do that.

So please tune in there.

All right.

Are we ready for today?

Oh boy.

Today's lovely topic comes from probably my lifelong twins.

Like,

Ooh,

I don't know if that sentence falls with me or that belief lands well with me.

But I wanted to explore it and have GP share with us.

Not whether it's true or not,

But just expand it.

And what this is,

Because we've all heard it or have said it,

Is you've got to love yourself first before you can love another.

So this one always had a little twinge for me.

I was like,

Why?

Why?

Why can't I love without having to love myself?

What if I don't love myself?

I mean,

I'm never going to love.

So GP,

I can open that right up to you.

Well,

First off,

That'd be a hell of a lot of work without any real reward.

It's just one of those platitudes people like to put out there that it makes a good meme and it sounds like it has substance to it,

But it really doesn't.

You know,

It is in relationship that we learn so much about ourselves.

The only place where you can learn more about yourself is self-inquiry.

And if you do both,

You're actually living your human life to the fullest.

We learn in relationship,

Right?

Now that's not to say that we can't get into things that are codependent and they're actually more destructive than they are beneficial.

But even that has,

If you come to see that,

Right?

I mean,

The whole thing comes down to if you see it.

If you don't see it,

You keep doing it.

It's just the pattern just keeps over and over.

Why do I keep picking the wrong man?

Right?

Because I've heard that,

Well,

It's not because you're picking the wrong man.

And it's not because you don't love yourself,

Right?

There's these unconscious pre-programmed patterns at work that are wanting to always recreate the same environment because that's the environment in which it can guarantee safety.

That's all that's going on.

It's not that complicated.

It's not a personal flaw,

Right?

And somebody who actually does have some love and regard for themselves can still be in that position because these are unconscious programs that until we're conscious of them,

They operate completely unrestricted,

Right?

It's only our awareness of them that brings the power to actually change them,

Change them,

Swap them out for better ways of being in the world.

Now the idea of coming to love yourself is obviously an important one.

And if anybody's gone through any of my tapping or any of my classes,

I spent a lot of time going through the underlying beliefs about I'm not enough,

I'm not lovable,

I'm not valuable because we've all been saddled with those.

They came to all of us.

We were taught not to love.

But let me throw another little twist in here.

I'll let you take this wherever you want to,

But we were who we actually were.

The real you was not loved.

It was not appreciated.

It was not allowed to be expressive.

So what we did is,

Well,

We didn't do it.

Your nervous system did it.

It's just purely the mechanism,

Right?

This happened even before you could talk.

It created,

It buried away everything that was offensive to the tribe,

Even no matter what it was,

No matter how good it was,

No matter what kind of quality it was,

Right?

It was not allowed because the tribe didn't accept it.

And the nervous system created a false version of yourself to present to the tribe in order to get from the tribe what it needed to survive.

It succeeded.

We all survived.

We're all sitting around here talking now.

So it worked,

Right?

So now we're sitting here trying to love a creation that isn't actually you,

Right?

Because we're so identified with this,

This creation,

This imaginary self that has been created by the nervous system to protect you.

And you completely forgot about you.

You identified with this.

As far as this is concerned,

This is who you are,

But this non-existent,

This purely conceptual,

Imaginary,

Fictitious critter that exists only in your mind is what you've been doing all the personal development on,

All the self-help on,

And you're trying to come to love it,

Right?

There's nothing there to love,

Right?

It's not you.

When you find you,

You love you,

Period,

Right?

If you don't find you,

There's going to be this struggle because when you're not fully yourself,

There's always something wrong.

There's always a problem.

I always need more.

I'm always not enough,

Right?

I always show up a dollar late,

A day late and a dollar short,

Right?

So the question of,

But the moment we start putting these requirements on ourselves,

I cannot experience love with somebody else until I first loved myself,

Right?

I can't love anybody else.

I mean,

It's just demonstrably not true.

Look at your own life.

Of course you have.

Is it a matter of a word switch then by saying,

I cannot love someone else until I am fully myself?

No,

You can love somebody.

I cannot be loved until I am stripping away my identity.

Ooh,

That sounded horrible.

Yeah.

Well,

There's truth in it because if I'm really identified with a character that I'm not,

It's not really me,

Right?

It's just,

I'm so used to it.

It's so habitual.

I don't question it.

Whoever is loving me is loving that character,

Not me.

Right.

Right.

They don't even,

They can't,

They might even see me,

Right?

Because I don't see me and this is who I think it is.

So it,

There's going to be a sense of it being not quite satisfying,

Right?

Yes.

There'll also be a sense that we create these personas.

It's like dressing up for the first date.

Nobody shows up like a slob on the first date,

Right?

Well,

You'd be surprised.

Well,

Okay.

Girls don't.

Girls don't for sure.

So I've never dated guys,

So I have no idea.

I have no idea how they might just actually show up like,

Yeah,

What's up baby?

You know,

I was like,

I suppose it happens.

Take me and love me.

Take me the way I am baby.

But this is,

This is a place where we end up because we're actually,

Remember the real you,

It was dangerous for it to come out.

So you're afraid to be the real you,

Right?

You're afraid on a very fundamental level that if I'm actually fully myself here and I let myself be seen,

I'm going to be rejected.

I'm not going to be,

I am not lovable.

I have to become a character that I believe it will be lovable to the environment.

And this process,

This is the nervous system.

When we're unconscious,

Continues all the way into adulthood.

And then we start being people that we think we need to be in order to attract a mate or friends or any of those.

We get lost in all of it and underlying it is this unconscious,

Deeply,

Deeply seated program that simply is committed to keeping you hidden.

Because it,

Because it assumes danger.

And of course,

At one time there was danger.

It was real.

Can you,

Can one love themselves and still be afraid of being seen by an individual,

By the world,

By like,

Can,

Yes,

Because I can honestly say that pretty sure I love myself.

I like,

I really truly do like just the me.

But at times I'm definitely still like,

They're going to see this about me or,

Or,

You know,

So does that eliminate my,

Now I don't love myself anymore.

No,

Of course not.

You can like yourself and we all have a very natural aversion to being rejected.

Right?

Yes.

What it means is that we have not accepted the possibility that you may not be liked by everybody.

And and matter of fact,

I can guarantee you won't be.

I can guarantee it,

You know,

I've gotten some incredibly nasty comments on YouTube.

At first it kind of took me by surprise then now after a while,

It's like,

Wow,

Wow.

How would you have gotten over it?

How,

How does one deal with that then?

Because that's a great,

This is going to be great here.

Because yes,

You've done the work,

You've done self inquiry,

You've been married,

You've been all those things.

So those two things I love that you said,

You know,

We learn about ourselves through relationships and through self inquiry.

And if we're doing both of those,

We can live fully.

So here you go,

GP Walsh,

Spiritual teacher out there,

Loving and doing stuff and all of a sudden a nasty comment comes in.

And yeah,

What?

Well people see,

People see what they see,

Right?

You know,

When there's a,

You know,

There's an old saying,

You know,

When Peter talks about Paul,

You learn more about Peter than you do about Paul.

Because they're talking,

They are making a comment on their perception of me.

Well their perception of me isn't me,

Right?

And has no effect on me.

It means nothing to me,

Right?

They don't have to like me,

Right?

And that just means that I don't fit into their life right now.

So they're not going to be showing up to satsang,

You know,

They showed up and they said something nasty and they left.

I've served my function in their life.

Right?

You have to understand that everybody is at this place.

And the real purpose of a relationship is to try to get past all of our,

The fears and our resistances and our,

And the like to try to find genuine intimacy.

And of course that's the most scary thing there is in the world.

You know,

To risk being seen and rejected.

Right?

Now when you're a kid,

That risk is so high because to be rejected by the tribe means you're dead.

I mean,

You cannot survive without them,

Which is what gives it its intensity.

Right?

Now that intensity lingers when we're adults and we're like,

You know,

Playing the mating game.

Right?

We have this same sense of being rejected as death.

Right?

When in fact,

At this point it's not anymore.

It's just,

You know,

Didn't work.

Well,

I like what you said.

You don't fit into that person doesn't fit into your life at this time and you know,

Maybe no longer fit into their life at that time.

And that was going to be one thing.

Some people think that what you said,

If it's,

If it playing the mating game,

Which is hilarious,

I love that,

Is at some point you can serve your purpose and that could be it.

They could have served their purpose.

It could be one moment,

20 years,

You know,

They can't be life.

But and how,

It doesn't mean just because something,

Yes,

That's something that's fully come to serving that you no longer,

Oh,

They're gone or you need to leave,

But you don't not love yourself.

It's not because you don't love yourself.

Yeah.

It has nothing to do with that.

Yes.

And you know,

Everybody has a function.

Everybody comes into your life as a function,

Even the people leaving nasty comments,

You know,

That,

You know,

That's part of the range of experience that,

That,

That I need to have,

Right.

In order to be able to,

In order to be able to process whatever might have been triggered in me about that.

You know,

When they,

You know,

The first time it happened,

You know,

10,

11 years ago or 12,

When I started doing YouTube,

It stung,

Right?

Yeah.

Because I want everyone to like it.

And then after a while,

You kind of,

You recognize the trigger,

You realize what's happening.

Wisdom begins to settle in and then it just kind of goes right past.

It's like,

Not a big,

It's not a big deal.

And sometimes I can even,

I can even marvel at how creative they can get.

I said,

Wow,

I didn't,

That,

That's great.

That's the best cut I've ever heard.

There's so funny when you're on your set song,

Something popped up that really surprised me.

It actually angered me a little bit.

I was triggered and I was like,

How dare somebody put something there on your set song?

And you were so,

You made it so funny actually,

That I couldn't stop laughing about it after.

Um,

Yes.

And that's interesting.

So when,

When it comes,

Okay.

So I,

In,

In their show description and everybody who,

If you haven't got the show description,

It means you're not on the light letter and you've got to get on the light letter list,

By the way.

So go to gpwalsh.

Com and sign up for that light letter,

But your show descriptions are always neat.

They always have that angle and you always,

You kind of get the,

The,

The upcoming lesson and you know,

It's going to be good.

And I'm in there.

I love that.

Where's my little,

I will lower my notes.

Hold on here.

Um,

To let that love.

Okay.

Yeah.

Um,

We need to experience love in,

We can experience love in every way.

So if we limit it or have a prerequisite of it,

Just of us,

Um,

It really,

I want to bring up codependency and dependency.

Um,

If we say,

Oh gosh,

It's all on me first.

Um,

But then we just can't and we get frustrated.

So then we're trying to love others,

Trying to force love on others.

Take it.

Just let me love you.

You know,

Cause I love you.

And if you don't love me,

That means I don't love me.

And we kind of feel it as this deeper rejection.

So when it comes to dependency,

Is it relationships do have a dependency,

But is there like a line that can be crossed or none?

Is it about a lack of self love and an inquiry that,

Yeah,

Of course.

Yeah.

So,

You know,

Everything is a matter of,

Of,

Of what it means to the individual and what,

What kind of effect and influence it has,

Right?

A glass of wine is fine,

But a bottle or two a night is not.

Right.

So,

So I mean,

This is the whole point where,

Where is this place that is just,

One is just you're experiencing things and the,

And the other,

It has become an attachment,

Right?

And the attachment results out,

Out of some part of us that is,

That we're unconscious of that is,

Has,

Has yet to be brought to the party,

A part of us that has been rejected.

And when that part of me that is rejected,

I do not have access to it.

I'm going to project those characters or those characteristics outward,

Right?

And I'm either going to be seeking them or I'm going to be judging them.

Right?

That's the way it works when I've cut stuff off for myself,

Especially if I've cut myself off from the capacity to be loved,

Right?

I'm going to,

I could have very harsh rules about what should be done,

What,

This is the right way to be in relationship.

This is wrong and no sex before marriage.

You can't,

You know,

All that,

All those kinds of things that we,

We,

We come up with,

Which are a projection of the rejection of our own nature,

Our rejection of our own human humanness.

But at the same time,

We,

Because we do not have access to that,

Right?

We're craving it,

Right?

And when we,

What we're really craving is ourselves,

Right?

Not to just love yourself like that,

But to know yourself,

To actually have access to all of you,

Right,

Which is,

Which is,

Which is bigger than what we just call it.

I like myself,

Gosh darn it,

People like me,

Right?

It's just fundamental parts of us that because of the childhood experiences and something not in childhood,

We don't have access to it.

It's been buried out of sight,

Right?

But we need access to it,

Right?

In order to function fully in life,

We do have to be fully ourselves.

And so our whole lives are spent compensating because I don't know how to turn within.

I don't know how to do self inquiry and revive and rediscover all of those things.

Yeah,

I haven't heard about any of that yet.

And so what I'm doing instead is I'm trying to find it out there.

I'm looking for these missing pieces out there.

And when I do that,

I'm very likely to project them onto somebody and they're not even there.

Right?

And at that point,

I can become very needy.

I can become possessive.

Because there's a sense of desperation.

And if I get a little bit of it,

I'll put up with abuse and all sorts of sorts of things.

This is the dynamic that that makes that happen.

So it really boils down to self self,

A self,

The soul reconnect is what it's about.

I've got to get,

We have to get reconnected to yourself,

To the real self,

To the natural self,

To the self that's not an effort to be right.

When that happens,

You know,

The projection begins to dissipate and go away.

The compensation isn't necessary.

And at this point,

You are now open to be in relationship in such a way that you are actually being seen.

There's no dependency at that point.

There's no,

There's no,

There's no projection on them.

There's no,

You're not compensating any longer,

You're actually present.

And that allows you to fully experience being seen and really being loved,

Right?

Which is what you didn't get in the first place,

Which caused the trauma,

Right?

And so that kind of self awareness,

It's tentative at first,

But when you have that self awareness,

It begins to allow itself to trust its own insight.

Yes.

And,

And little by little,

Not necessarily at first,

You may go through a couple more totes before you come to the Prince.

But it won't have the same kind of horrible sting though,

It'll just be kind of like adjustments,

Course corrections are being made because there's a wisdom at play now that wasn't there before.

Because you're now looking at the,

Into the right place for the actual source of love,

Right?

The actual essence of love is the self.

And then that,

That the genuine love that is your very nature recognizes it in somebody else it's the pure namaste.

And then when there's,

You know,

The other kinds of attraction on top of it,

It's just sweet as hell.

Yes,

Yes.

I love that you said,

Okay,

Question about self inquiry,

Knowing yourself,

Being able to be fully yourself.

Again,

Is there that fine line between,

Okay,

Because I'm going to come right out and out myself here.

When I finally was doing this self inquiry,

I was like,

Enough is enough about these,

You know,

Not serving relationships.

I was definitely accused of being self-centered and you only want what you want.

Yes,

I do only want what I want.

And if it doesn't fit,

It doesn't fit.

But there is this,

I love that you said trust in your own,

Oh gosh,

Insight,

Trust in your own insight.

And that is because of people who have experience with others,

As you do that inquiry,

Do you have a greater sense like,

Oh,

Wow,

I'm more me and fully me for real when I'm in this relationship,

But I'm not like we can feel it.

Yes,

Absolutely.

It's not self-centered.

Like,

Well,

Or is it just call space?

Well,

Yeah,

But it's centered in the right self.

So then you'll be able to recognize the relationships that honor your freedom to be you,

That actually love you.

It's not compensating anymore.

And I want to elevate it.

This is the self love that arises out of self knowledge.

It isn't just an emotional thing.

I'm going to like myself.

I'm going to try to like this broken piece of crap that I am.

I want to love it,

But I can't.

I'm a mess and I love myself anyway.

Right.

Yeah,

It's not that.

When you find out who you are,

You realize that you are and always have been imminently lovable.

Your parents didn't see it.

That's what happened.

It wasn't that it wasn't there.

They weren't capable of seeing it.

And most of us had quite dullard parents that could not see the incredible beauty and creativity and wonder and freedom of the child.

They simply couldn't see it burdened by the conditioning of the tribe when they lay that conditioning on the kid.

So yeah,

You're going to be drawn to the areas that are going to be enhancing this,

That are going to be creating environment for you to realize even more freedom,

Whereas before it was always serving the interest of hiding you.

That very same energy will be drawing to it things that enhance you,

That amplify it,

That bring you into circumstances where aspects of you get revealed that would not get revealed in any other way.

And that's where you actually find the kind of relationship that people are craving.

And so the idea you have to love yourself first,

You have to know yourself.

I would say that that would be true.

But when people say that,

They don't really know what they're talking about.

It's very superficial.

That's why I dismiss it and say it isn't really very helpful.

Because now you're trying,

Then people get in the start first,

They beat themselves up.

It's all my fault because I don't love myself.

And now they're struggling to find out how to love themselves.

And it's just this endless loop of self deprecation.

How can you love yourself if you don't know yourself?

How can?

Well,

Unless you truly can.

Well,

Because I only know and I want to actually use Jay's as a question in a second.

Jay,

That was a very good comment.

Yes.

Yes.

I have a question with it.

But sometimes I feel like the light in me just does love the light in someone else without knowing their identities and what they've portrayed.

But is that possible that you can?

It's absolutely the truth.

It's absolutely the truth.

Yeah.

Yeah,

I love everybody.

Absolutely everybody.

Even the people who are despicable.

I can see the light.

I'm not going to hang out with them.

I'm not going to marry them.

Because I'm also wise enough to see where they are in their conditioning and what their and the level at which they operate.

I don't swim with sharks.

It's what they do.

I know they're filled with light.

The same consciousness that animates me animates the shark.

And it'll animate him right to biting off my leg.

Yes.

So you have to see that love on that level is completely impartial.

It's like the sun,

It shines on everything.

But there's also a wisdom.

What am I actually going to bring into my immediate circle?

What's going to be?

It's not a naive or Pollyanna kind of love.

It's very,

Very wise.

It's very,

Very discerning.

And it is the most loving thing to know.

Okay,

This guy can't be trusted.

That's a very loving thing to know.

You're not going to put yourself in the position that you're not going to give yourself him the opportunity to take advantage of something.

He's gonna have to go somewhere else.

But when you really understand how it happened,

How people became that way,

Why is,

You know,

Why are politicians the way they are?

For the same reason you are the way you are conditioning,

And they're unconscious of it.

And so they're acting out their unconscious thing.

We love to get mad.

We love to get,

You know,

And hate them and all that sort of stuff.

But it's like,

Hating your computer,

Right?

I mean,

It's just doing what it was programmed to do.

And it will continue to do that until some kind of consciousness dawns.

So if I'm mad at him,

And I'm angry at them,

Right?

Am I contributing to consciousness dawning?

But if I can see the light in them,

And for me,

It's real,

Isn't that going to,

Isn't that going to begin to open the door?

If there is some crack in that shell,

Right,

That's where it's going to get in.

Something somewhere,

And suddenly it's going to,

There's going to be a sensitivity to it some way.

You know,

One of the things that I've been hearing in a lot of corporations,

Not from the board of directors,

The big stockholders and stuff,

Which is still have the same attitude,

They are making as much money as you possibly can.

But you go down,

You go down the levels,

Where there's,

You know,

A middle manager or something or a lower level executive,

Who he's not only,

His job isn't to worry about the stock price.

It's to make sure that things get done.

And in order to do that,

He has to have happy employees.

And right now,

Morale in the United States is the worst it has ever been in probably since the Great Depression.

And they're struggling.

So,

You know,

They're in between.

So there's something that's forcing these people that otherwise would just be the rule enforcers,

Right?

In something's breaking open.

Yes.

And,

You know,

I hate to say it,

But the number one thing that breaks our hearts open is suffering.

Yes.

Yeah.

It just breaks the back.

It does.

It breaks the back of it.

Yeah.

It's like at some point you just,

I'm suffering.

How do I get out of this?

That lends itself in perfectly.

And sorry,

I'm not there yet,

Jay,

But this one's really good because it goes well.

Is suffering and it breaks the back.

And I was going to ask about people who,

Well,

I guess using the word addiction,

I don't want to use the word addiction.

People who are hurting themselves,

Often other people will say it's because you don't love yourself.

And I always saw that as no,

They're actually hurting themselves because they know they love themselves so much that they are trying to find a way out of suffering.

And I was going to ask them.

Well,

Yeah,

That's actually true.

That's actually true.

I mean,

The most loving thing we can do is to try to get out of suffering.

And even an action of somebody hurting themselves,

Cutting themselves,

They don't know what to do.

The energy is so constricted.

It's trying to get out and yeah,

It's going to come out in really weird ways.

It's going to come out sideways because it isn't allowed to come out the front door.

But that intensity to be free,

That's really what it is.

And so we have to obviously protect them from themselves,

But it isn't going to do any good to just like,

You know,

Give them a pill or something.

They've got to become free.

I mean,

The freedom is the answer.

Freedom I don't mean political or economic.

I mean the freedom to actually express who you are and the freedom to have the capacity to be able to discover who you are,

Which appears to be a luxury,

But it's an absolute necessity.

You know,

Self inquiry is not a luxury.

Right.

Yes.

You know,

It's not the Lexus.

It's the Kia.

Yes.

Yes.

Once somebody has,

They're doing the self inquiry and they know who they are.

They're loving themselves.

They do.

They are expressing who they are.

And then other people say,

No,

That's horrible.

No,

Don't,

Don't be who you are.

Like,

But as adults now,

So no longer that child,

No longer,

You know,

Needing that trying to stay alive.

Jay was mentioning,

You know,

He really,

He just loves his life.

He loves being with his wife and his children.

And when people say you're boring or they say,

People told me that you're boring.

You're happy.

Yeah.

What are you doing?

So happy.

Well,

You're not out skydiving and,

And you know,

Struggling in the world.

And I get this all the time,

Jay.

That's why I actually connected with us because I really,

Really enjoy all the fun in my mind and being with a cat.

So it's,

Yeah,

I get that too.

But I just wonder,

Like,

Do we,

What happens if we do feel bad about that?

Like,

Oh my gosh,

People think I'm boring.

Maybe I'm missing out on life or do we not?

Yeah.

Shouldn't I be doing more?

Right?

Should I be doing more?

Shouldn't I be doing more?

And this,

This is,

Oh God,

What a horrible,

What a horrible sentence we get,

We put on ourselves because then people get,

Oh,

I'm 40 years old.

I should be further along.

Why are not married?

I should have kids.

I mean,

On and on and on and on it goes.

There's all these,

All these criteria as to how we should be.

Well,

Love means accepting things as they are.

When love is unconditional,

It has no,

That means it doesn't have conditions.

It doesn't have prerequisites.

Whatever it is right now in this moment is loved.

Right?

Does that mean I worship it?

It turns me on?

No,

It just simply means it's totally accepted.

It's yes,

You are okay just the way you are.

Isn't that,

That's all we wanted is children.

That's all we wanted.

Right?

And we didn't get it.

The most simple,

Basic thing,

Love them for who they are,

Not for what you think they're supposed to be and not getting that.

And so now there's,

There's rules for everything.

Yes.

And of course,

You know,

People who are,

Who are committed to their misery,

Somebody comes along who's happy,

Right?

If there's a crack in the armor,

They're going to ask,

Why are you happy?

Tell me your secret.

If they're not going to go,

Why are you happy?

What do you have to be happy about?

The world sucks.

And that's the way it's going to be.

So you know,

Living a simple life.

I mean,

What could be better than just,

You know,

You know,

I don't have to have big ambitions.

Yeah.

Jay's,

He loves his wife.

He loves his kids.

He's enjoying his life.

It's like,

Well,

Okay,

Leave the fucker alone.

What more could anybody want?

All we want is to be happy.

But the way the world thinks is to be happy means certain conditions have to be fulfilled.

Right.

And if you haven't fulfilled those,

How can you possibly be happy?

You're not rich.

You know,

You're not married to the supermodel.

Exactly.

Or to the Chippendale,

The female equivalent,

Whatever.

Or the billionaire,

I mean,

These are just all the rules we put on ourselves to not experience life as it is in this moment.

And when you do,

That's love.

Experiencing yourself in this moment.

You want to love yourself?

Don't compare yourself to anyone or anything else.

Try it for five seconds.

No comparisons,

Right?

It's just me.

I'm here.

So yeah,

But you're too.

.

.

No,

Wait,

No comparison.

I'm too fat.

Well,

Compared to what?

Too skinny compared to what?

Right?

I'm not pretty enough compared to what?

They're all comparisons.

Right?

So now put all of those aside and just me in relationship.

Absolutely nothing else.

No other reference point other than me.

Purely myself.

And now what's wrong?

I love that you brought up reference point.

Actually,

Tomas actually mentioned that.

He was like,

I wonder if he's going to talk about reference point.

And to me,

That is symbolic of the environment.

So let's just use that example about I'm too fat.

Well,

If you're in an environment with a lot of skinny girls,

Then you're going to think you're too fat.

And if you're in an environment with a lot of bigger girls,

You're going to think you're too skinny.

And it's not by changing the lens,

Adjusting the environment.

Because that's just wonky.

Like it's going to,

This guy is really hot and rich and he,

You know,

If the comparison so then he didn't take me.

So then I'll go to this guy who's really poor and all this stuff,

You know,

So it doesn't,

That's not the way to adjust into.

It's the relative reference point that hides the absolute you from you because you're comparing yourself now at this point.

It's not you.

It's not you anymore.

It's like you compared to what?

Right.

But imagine you're the only human on the planet.

Right.

The only one.

Other cats?

Cats are fine.

Yeah.

Cats,

Dog,

Beavers.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Funny.

Just the only human.

Okay.

Right.

The only human you're walking around,

Are you too fat?

Are you skinny?

Are you dumb?

Are you smart?

Are you tall?

Are you short?

You are none of those.

All of those are in relationship to somebody else.

Right.

You know,

Put me,

Put me in a country like Japan or a bunch of pygmies.

I'm tall.

Put me on a,

Put me next,

You know,

Stand me up to the Golden State Warriors,

The basketball team and I'm a shrimp.

So which am I tall or short?

Neither.

Can you ask,

Am I lovable?

Because you can't compare that either.

Or you can because it's yourself.

Well,

Lovable,

Again,

That's,

That's,

It's relative.

What makes something lovable?

Right.

We always say I'm not lovable compared to what?

Right.

That's our reference point.

And if I said this is the reference point,

And of course,

We've got plenty of people telling you what you must be in order to be lovable,

How you have to look,

The money you have to have,

The condition of your life,

All of these kinds of things,

But then the conditioning of being lovable,

But take all of that away and what's left.

Just you.

And that's lovable.

Yes,

There it is.

What happens is,

Is if you take all the way away,

You find the love is simply there.

You don't have to learn to love yourself.

Love is just there.

Right.

It gets covered up by,

By these artificial relative reference points and comparing and,

And,

And,

And out of that comes the judgment and all of that.

And we lose ourselves and that we think I am not lovable.

Right.

I don't love myself.

Right.

Let go of the comparison.

What's left?

You'll find that at the heart of that is just this contentment.

It's pure love.

How else,

What else could it be?

Because when you don't compare yourself to anybody else,

You're goddamn perfect.

Yeah.

You're perfect.

You really are perfect.

You really are.

What if someone,

Okay,

This is interesting.

So I guess it's down to you have to do the work.

You really do have to do the self-inquiry work because if somebody are like,

All right,

I give up.

Okay.

I'm perfect.

I'm perfect for that and then,

But in the back of their mind,

They're thinking,

If I can just accept this,

Then the right person will come along.

It's that fixing component.

So does the fixing desire to fix component just fall,

Just drop when we do the self-inquiry work?

Well,

Yes.

It,

It,

It,

It drops away because you see there's not absolutely nothing to fix.

That what you were trying to fix was imaginary.

It was an idea of yourself you're holding in your head.

And of course you can't ever fix it because it's just the thought.

It's an idea.

It's it,

There's nothing of substance there.

So it's always going to be shifting and changing.

It's totally unstable,

Right?

The moment you get it to be the way you want it,

What'll happen?

Oh,

There's something else.

I mean,

The,

The,

The latest whiz bang thing's going to come out,

The latest trend.

And I got to conform to that.

Now you're going to have to be off to there.

That's it's never ending.

It's like painting the golden gate bridge,

Right?

It went in and then you start over again when you're done.

That's self-help it and it's endless.

It is absolutely endless and it will be endless because the self you're trying to help is a ghost.

You're giving medicine to a ghost.

That was my,

I loved when I heard you say that months ago,

That was the favorite one.

You're giving medicine to a ghost.

Yeah.

The ghost goes to the doctor,

Right?

Hey doc,

I'm not feeling very well.

You're dead.

Right,

Right.

I know that.

I know that intellectually,

But yeah,

It's,

It's,

It's,

It's,

It's,

It's,

It's,

It's,

The um,

That's so funny.

I just,

When I think I have,

I have this obsession with buying food and I,

And I'll,

I'm like,

Wow,

I have so much food I could eat for a month.

And then I suddenly need one thing,

You know,

Two days later and I'll go and I'll buy 20 things and I'll think,

God.

So that kind of related to me.

I was like,

Yeah,

Just like painting the golden gray.

I never heard that one.

If I love that one.

Um,

I'm going to go through just cause I was like to peek in around that quarter too.

Cause typically this is like our radio show on video,

But it is fun to see everybody and say hi and see if I got some specific burning hearts,

Desires,

Questions.

So,

And I guess scroll to the tippy top.

My goodness.

Okay.

Did I go to the top enough?

Here we go.

I'm telling everyone.

Um,

Okay.

So we do have,

Okay.

I might be going back to the beginning of today.

Ah,

That is a good one.

Oh,

I love that.

I'm not going to try to pronounce that.

Should I just call her Bob?

Just call her Bob.

That's Bob.

That's Bob.

Oh,

Bob.

That's Bob.

Yeah.

Cause that name goes Bob.

She's okay.

Bob.

Yeah.

Right.

So she,

She thought that by me being seen just meant by literally physically getting out into the world,

Mingling,

Networking,

Talking to people,

Showing up to things.

Um,

First of all,

That can be traumatizing and frightening if you,

If you're not ready.

And I can,

I can attest to that one.

Um,

So,

And,

And if I manage going to throw this one in here,

Bob,

Um,

I remember when I was dating this wonderful fellow at one point and he looked right into my eyes and he said,

It's okay,

Lisa,

Not to worry.

I can see you who you really are.

Oh,

I bolted.

I was over.

I don't know.

Yeah.

I'm out of here.

And it terrified me.

And um,

And what a lovely,

Beautiful thing for someone to say to somebody,

But,

Uh,

I wasn't ready.

So I'm wondering,

Um,

Do we take those as,

As you know,

When,

When we do force ourselves or say,

All right,

I'll go out and be seen,

But it doesn't feel right.

Where does that leave us?

No,

That's not the,

Yeah,

That,

You know,

Maybe that's.

That's something you do.

Um,

And you know,

I prefer people to going out and socializing rather than hiding in their houses.

But that's,

That's not the depths of this.

Um,

There has to be,

You first have to see yourself.

You do have to come to see you,

Right?

Which means you have to sort through all of the ideas that you've accumulated about yourself,

All the beliefs and assumptions,

All of the stuff that we've accumulated,

Uh,

Over time that has to be seen through.

Right?

And as that happens,

Because we identify with all these characteristics and qualities,

As we begin to see them for what they are,

Just things that have accumulated over time,

Various beliefs and conditioning,

Right?

When seen as that,

They begin to dissolve.

And when they begin to dissolve,

It's like the clouds clearing,

You begin to appear.

It's not,

It doesn't require effort.

It's not like you have to manufacture anything,

Right?

When the clouds go away,

You don't have to,

Come on,

Sky,

Come on.

It doesn't have to show up,

Right?

It's already there.

Right?

So you don't have to replace it with something.

So this isn't a positive affirmation where I'm going to try to replace a bad thought with a good thought,

Right?

Which just creates a different version of the same thing.

We want the real you,

Right?

Which means it's already there.

It's covered up.

So we want to uncover it and you'll just find yourself naturally being drawn to things,

You know,

Interested in things you weren't interested in before.

Interested in people you weren't interested in before.

Saying more openly how you feel when you're in a conversation,

Feeling more comfortable when you're in a situation that's new or challenging.

It won't have the same kind of level of intimidation.

These are your natural characteristics.

You don't have to create them.

This is the good news.

You simply have to peel away what you're not.

You don't have to become anything,

Right?

This is not personal development.

You don't need to develop anything,

Right?

You need to know you.

And so,

You know,

Things like networking events,

My God,

What could be more artificial than a network?

Everybody trying to be nice and kind to each other and everybody says,

I want your business.

How do I get your business?

What do I got to say to get your business?

And it's okay,

Because that's understood in a network event.

That's what you're there for,

Right?

You're not there to be anything other than you're there for exchanging business cards and making business.

You really are swinging with the sharks,

But you're in that cage.

Yes,

That's right.

You know the sharks are there.

You're in the cage and you're handing out your waterproof business cards.

Oh,

That's actually a funny bad joke.

If you're around a networking event and you laminated them and people ask you why did that?

Well,

It's waterproof because of all the sharks.

All the sharks.

So it isn't forcing yourself into being visible because the fact of the matter is if you're not ready for it,

It can be quite traumatic.

It can push you deeper into the cave.

And you simply don't want to put yourself into circumstances that are going to intensify the trauma.

We need to release the trauma.

And that means creating an environment of inner safety.

And the environment of inner safety,

The other word for that is love.

I have to write that before I forget.

I love that.

You have to release it.

It's my ongoing theme.

I say it all over and over again.

The way to freedom is to create the environment in which it's safe for you to be free because the nervous system is an adaptive mechanism.

It always conforms itself to whatever the environment is.

If the environment is not safe,

It's in defense.

If the environment becomes safe,

Drops out of defense and goes into the expressive mode.

It's what it does.

That's why it's so effortless.

Change the environment,

It will change.

But right now we are all maintaining this environment,

Inner environment.

I'm not lovable.

I've got to be,

I've got to try to love myself.

All these,

You know,

All these attempts to do that.

And then we put self-help on top of it and personal development,

All these things to fix ourselves.

And the nervous system keeps getting the same message you got from the time you were a child.

You're not okay.

You got to get fixed.

Right.

And so it's just sitting there trying to protect you,

Trying to protect the you that doesn't need fixing.

Yes.

Right.

And just because I love said,

If you keep doing something,

Sometimes like say,

I don't know,

You're afraid to go out on the boat.

But you just do it over and over that you eventually not.

I'm wondering if you really,

It's not that you're not afraid anymore.

It's just,

You've had to create a personal,

An identity.

You've had to create a thing.

If you're forced to do something that you don't want to do.

Um,

I picked a silly thing there,

But whatever it was like,

You know,

I've worked with people who were afraid to drive over a bridge.

Yes.

Yes.

So if you're,

If you're forced to do it over,

Like maybe,

I don't know.

Like that's,

So if you love about love,

We're talking about loving yourself.

So if you're forced to,

I do love myself,

Oh,

I love myself,

But you know,

Affirmations and stuff,

But,

And you're so used to saying it,

But then behind closed doors,

You're going to feel that there's,

That's not that affirmations don't penetrate.

The nervous system is perfectly defended against that.

It'll see it coming.

You go,

God,

What a joke.

Really that again,

You're going to try that again.

Come on.

I mean,

It's completely unfazed.

It doesn't get,

It goes nowhere.

It's useless.

And that,

What they use exposure therapy or something like that.

They just make people,

You know,

I'm afraid of spiders.

So they put spiders on their face and stuff like that.

It didn't work.

It didn't work.

It made it worse.

It made it worse.

Yeah.

Yes.

Yes.

You can't,

You can't do it that way.

The way it has to happen is the nervous system itself has to discover that it is safe to come out and you can't force that by sticking it on a boat,

You know,

When you're terrified of water.

Yes.

Or relationships,

You know,

We've got a couple of people here are just continuously dating people until,

You know,

Yes,

It's,

It's gotta be,

It's not about loving yourself first,

But it's about feeling safe to be seen and to see others.

Yes.

Yeah.

The safety and love of this are actually the same thing.

Oh,

Yes.

That's beautiful.

I like that.

As Ice T once said,

Sex makes the world go round.

Love just makes it safe.

Pretty brilliant.

I love that.

I'm just going to miss anybody.

See,

Love is safe.

Genuine unconditional love is totally safe.

And if it's totally safe,

The nervous system doesn't need to be in defensive posture.

It does.

There's nothing it needs to defend itself against.

So the ultimate of love is this inner environment of pure safety.

It's okay to be me.

It boils down to that.

You're not trying to be something lovable because that would be simply trying to become what your parents or somebody else said,

It was lovable.

But it'll never be satisfying because it's not you.

It's always affected.

And so there's only one thing you can do,

Make it safe for yourself to be yourself.

And when I work with people who have those kinds of phobia,

That's simply what we do.

The phobia is simply trying to protect you from some kind of a danger that it assumes is there.

But if you bring it into a point of safety,

The nervous system will look for itself to see if it really is safe.

It's not stupid.

It's just gotten stuck in an assumption.

And because you're constantly trying to fix yourself,

It reinforces its assumption that says the world is not safe.

And so it stays right where it is,

Which is why self-help almost always fails.

And if it does have some kind of result,

It's minuscule.

It's meager.

Right.

Right.

Hopefully people are using self-help as a pointer towards self-inquiry,

Like to get them there.

You know,

They're right.

Yes.

And if you're doing the self-inquiry,

You'll find that there's a lot of the self-help techniques that actually become effective.

They actually do work,

Right?

But they work as a mechanism for freeing the nervous system from its assumptions.

If that understanding is there,

Then they can become effective tools.

If it's not,

You'll get nowhere.

I guarantee it.

It's like,

Yeah,

Just memorizing something,

But not understanding.

That's why the self-help industry keeps getting bigger,

Not smaller.

If it was working,

It would be getting smaller.

Oh,

Yes.

As we discussed yesterday about processes that will be eliminated,

There's no need for it.

Yes,

That's another show.

And if you are watching and thinking,

This is sounding right to me.

I'm resonating with this,

But first,

I just don't even have a clue where to start here.

UP is doing,

Well,

You know what?

It's not specifically on this,

But it is all about this because it's all the same.

It's self-inquiry,

It's inner reconciliation.

We're asking and inviting everybody to tune in on Thursday at 1 p.

M.

Eastern time.

Oh,

We could put the link here,

I guess,

After in the comments.

Maybe what we'll do is,

So you just got to,

Can we do that?

Or where could they just show up on your YouTube channel?

Oh,

For the free demo?

The free demo?

Yes.

I want to invite you.

Yes,

It's my YouTube channel.

So if you're watching on YouTube,

It'll be right here.

And I have a lot of people that are.

If you're watching on Facebook,

It'll be on Facebook.

I guess I just planned,

Maybe we should talk to Ruth about whether I can put it into the EWN.

The EWN.

Yeah,

We'll find the magical way for you guys.

It's just YouTube slash GP Walsh.

Perfect.

Yes.

Yeah.

Couldn't get easier.

And then it'll be Evan.

Evan Gregor is going to be there.

They'll be doing a demonstration.

The reason why I really want to invite people is because we've been talking a lot about love.

And this is really self inquiry because then you can know who you are.

And sometimes it just can,

You know,

If we try to wrap our minds around it,

I know that that's not,

You can't go that route.

It really has to come from this place of being.

And so by having,

By participating in the demonstration on Thursday at 1 PM Eastern time with both Evan and GP,

It'll just give you a sense of,

Okay,

This is,

This is the route.

So,

You know,

When I first learned about these and started doing this,

I think,

Wow,

This is just such a different way.

This is not a way I would have thought before or,

Or seeked,

Sought out.

And I,

You know,

I would have done some more self development more.

Oh,

Maybe it's religion.

Maybe it's the spiritual,

Maybe it's metaphysics,

You know,

It's hostels,

It's this,

It's that,

Who knows,

But it could be anything.

But I really just want to invite everybody.

It's free.

It's,

It's,

You know,

On GP Walsh's,

The YouTube channel,

Just show up there at 1 PM Eastern time to at least participate and witness that and,

And see what this inner reconciliation is all about.

And tomorrow,

Again,

Reminder for all the patrons,

If you're a monthly patron of GPs there,

That's a $15 US a month.

It's super affordable,

We hope,

For everybody and just allowing,

You know,

GP to do what he does and for you guys to be at least participating.

But this,

This tomorrow is the live satsang for patron members.

And this is where you're able to like here,

We couldn't really get into all the questions and people and one on one experience,

But with the patron and doing the live satsang,

There you go.

Perfect link.

Yes,

You were able to it's,

You know,

Ask questions,

Raise your hand,

Put in the comments and GP is addressing every single one.

Yeah,

Well,

It's a Zoom meeting so we can actually talk.

Yes.

Yeah.

I like that.

And yeah,

Which allows me to allows me to probe a little deeper than just,

You know,

Question in the chat,

I can actually engage with the person,

It helps to make,

To deepen more quickly the understanding.

Yeah.

And,

You know,

You can get more of the nuances when you're actually having a conversation than you can in the chat,

Even though the chats are great.

And I do it a lot,

But yeah,

It's another level.

Yes.

Yeah.

And I think it's the being the patron versus the satsang on Sundays,

Which is a smaller group we can,

You know,

You have more time for them.

And yeah,

I just I love them all.

I mean,

You're so generous with your time.

You just love showing up and teaching is what it is.

And it's nice to help people and their suffering.

And oh,

Kamal wants to know about what you're drinking.

You'll have to put your recipe for your green drink and your not matcha.

Oh,

Wow.

Yeah,

This is like all sorts of stuff in there.

Apple cider vinegar and lemon juice and I even put in different kinds of tea.

And then I add the spirulina and chlorella and all sorts of different things plus,

In this particular case,

Some amino acids and the like.

So it's one healthy little drink.

It is a little boost there.

I found something really interesting.

I've never heard it before.

And instead of apple cider vinegar,

I found pomegranate vinegar with the mother in it and everything.

Oh,

Is it ever tasty?

Really?

Because apple cider vinegar is not tasty.

Yeah,

You need to know.

I know with the pomegranate.

I will put a picture here.

This was really,

Really good.

But anyway,

So there we go.

A little shy of the off topic there,

But that's okay.

We're just happy that everybody has joined with us.

Thank you so much.

And if you do have a question or a topic that you think,

Wow,

I'd really like to hear you guys talk about the subject,

Then leave a comment right here.

We can see this or you can message us or you don't go right to gpwalsh.

Com or email.

We have the info.

You still have that?

Yeah.

Info at gpwalsh.

Com.

Questions,

Questions.

That we got.

Yes.

Then I know we got.

Yeah.

Questions with an S at gpwalsh.

Com.

All right,

Guys,

We will talk to you guys next Tuesday.

Bye everyone.

You've been listening to The Flow from Ohm School Live.

Join us each week as we dive deep into the flow of life and self discovery.

To learn more,

Visit gpwalsh.

Com and download GP's free ebook,

Angels in the Basement.

This is your host,

Elisa Berry.

Thank you for joining us and remember,

You are not a thing.

You are the flow.